Ep. 55: Understanding the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

A lot of narcissistic relationships do not start badly. They start with a lot of intensity, connection, and attention. You feel pursued, you feel deeply chosen, seen, special. It can feel like, ‘finally, someone sees me, chooses me, and wants me in the way that I've always wanted to be wanted.’

For those of us that have spent a lot of our lives feeling emotionally deprived or like we've had to fight for love, that kind of intensity feels intoxicating. But narcissistic abuse operates as a cycle, and when that dynamic inevitably moves from lovebombing to devaluation, you’ll do just about anything to get back to the way it was, even when it means abandoning yourself. 

This episode, I’m following up on my conversation with Elise Iafrate and breaking down how these narcissistic dynamics form, the different stages of the abuse cycle, why it can feel so impossible to leave once you’re hooked, and what self-abandonment looks like in these relationships. 

Whether you’re stuck in the cycle yourself or you’re watching a loved one go through it and you feel helpless, understanding the psychology behind what they’re doing and why it works is the first step in breaking out of the cycle. The bravest thing you can do in this dynamic is to stop trying to save the relationship and start saving yourself. 

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