COULD COUNT BINFACE ACTUALLY BEAT NIGEL FARAGE

Count Binface may be Nigel Farage's ONLY opponent in the Clacton by-election.
Every major UK party is boycotting the vote, and the bookies are slashing the odds on the bin.

Farage resigned as MP over allegations of undeclared donations, then immediately stood for re-election in his own seat. Labour, the Conservatives, the Lib Dems and the Greens have all refused to play along, leaving an intergalactic space warrior in a dustbin helmet as his most prominent challenger. 

We break down how UK politics reached this point, the infinite by-election loop, and the finest manifesto in modern British history.

Chapters
00:00 Farage resigns to save himself
01:35 The infinite by-election loop
03:00 Farage vs Binface, the showdown
04:50 The Binface manifesto
06:45 Why this trial is a farce

#NigelFarage #CountBinface #UKPolitics

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Transcript

0:00

Looks like Count Binface could be making his way to the Houses of Parliament. Have you heard this story about Nigel Farage stepping down and trying to get reelected again? I have, yeah. It's quite an interesting one. Um, y- yeah, I mean, my understanding of it, there was, uh, a lot of money donated to him. Well, we say a lot of money. I- in America if they looked at that, they'd go like,"What? Fi- 5 million?" Um, but yeah, so… And he didn't declare it, and that seems to be the biggest wrongdoing. Obviously, these are all allegations, and we can't really confirm or deny so much at the moment 'cause there's been no investigation. Um, but yeah, uh, as far as I understand it, what's happened is, uh, these allegations have happened. It looks like, uh, he didn't declare these donations or gifts from various people, and then this can lead to a parliamentary inquiry, which can then lead to him being suspended, which then triggers a, a by-election for him to be reelected MP again. So I think he, he kind of tried to preempt this by resigning, which triggers a, a by-election, so he runs again.'Cause he's already, like, really high in, in the polls. People really like him right now, so he's thought, "Oh, well, if I do this now, I'll get back in, and then when this all goes through the, the inquiry, I can just say, 'Well, what do we need another by-election for? We just had one. I won.'" You know? So i- infinite by-election loop. Yeah, basically. Another- Just gonna keep- … find out about another donation and… And, and it keep going in and out, and in and out, yeah. When you said Nigel Farage was really high there, that was a soundbite that could definitely taken out of, be taken out of context. Um- It, it could be quite, quite… Yeah. Yeah. Not great. But I, um, I, I also read that he, th- the idea as well was that he would be able to run against all the other major parties, so that it's like another way of saying, you know, "I'm still Mr. Clacton-on-Sea," which is, you know, a highly important- I mean- … part of the UK. It's a stronghold- … um, in Essex. Well known for its, um- Yeah, let's not go there. We might, we might, you know, we might get some enemies It, it, yeah. But, but anyway, yeah, I mean, it's not, it's not the greatest constituency to… But, but anyway, yeah. Yeah. What else- But, so I mean, it's got a nice beach, I guess Which could be good. Uh- You know But Like overweight people in like those disabled strollers going up and down the seafront playing the two piece slider machines. It's, it's, I guess one of those sorts of- This is it. It's peak, peak Britain. Um- It's almost as good as where I grew up around like Mablethorpe and Skegness, you know, really middle England sort of strongholds. Best of British everything. Yeah. Fish and chips and amusement parks. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so it, um, this thing, like you were saying, that he's gonna be running against all the other parties and candidates, a, a lot of people in these parties are kind of saying, "Well, there's gonna be a second by-election anyway when this inquiry is made. We might just sit this one out." And so what, what could happen is you literally, I mean, it, it won't definitely happen, but there's a non-zero possibility that you end up in a situation where it's Farage versus Count Binface- … and they're the only two candidates, and you end up with Count Binface winning because he gets all the votes from all the other parties that are not running, and it would just be the most farcical, ridiculous thing I think anyone's ever seen in UK politics. Which would sum up the, the, the landscape of politics right now. I think what's amazing is even if that doesn't happen, it's just gonna be Farage and Count Binface on, on stage, you know, when they read out the results. Next to each other. They're, they're, they're just gonna be stood next to each other, and it's gonna be like, "And the, and the member from, you know, Count Binface has got 6,542 votes." And then Farage is gonna have to be like, "Hey, I beat the Binface thing." And UK politics just becomes a complete laughing stock. And if he loses, I guess that's the end of Farage, it's the end of Reform's chances in the next general election perhaps. Um, but have, have you looked into any of, uh, Binface's policies? No, but I'd love to hear some of them. Some of them are great. One of them's, uh, the bosses of water companies have to swim in rivers that they've polluted. Uh, another one is bring back Ceefax. Oh, nice. I, I, I could get behind that actually. Teletext holidays and all that. It's pretty good. Um, what's another one? Oh, bring the price of a 99 Flake back down to 99p. Which should be the case anyway. They should have just continually made them smaller and, you know, to keep the price there. Although I suppose now they'd probably only be about- Bit of shrinkflation … this big. It'd be like mini verse. It'd be like walking around Poundland. Yeah, basically. But it does make you feel like you're getting a deal. Um, yeah, but I can't remember the other ones. Oh, he wants to limit the price of croissants to £1.10 for some reason. And another big, big pledge on his manifesto is to move the hand dryer in the toilets of a pub that he goes to, 'cause it's clearly a national issue and he, he doesn't like, well, the position of the hand dryer. Which I can understand that grating on you, you know, if you have to like edge past it. Maybe poor design on, on that. Those hand dryers are usually an afterthought, aren't they? But yeah, I mean, the croissant thing's clearly, you know, it's a kick at the French, isn't it? It's like- Maybe.… France's economy pretty much survives on English croissant sales. It's like- Well, I don't know. I haven't got the figures in front of me, but… If we stop buying croissants then, like, their, their economy's gonna be down the pan. That's pretty much all they sell these days. So- I mean, one thing that, that Binface did say is, uh, "Vote for me." Uh, you see it costs like, uh, 300 and something thousand pounds to, to have one of these by-elections, and he's like, "Well, just vote for me. If I win, then we don't have to do a second one, and so that saves 300 and whatever thousand pounds," which is actually like a, a, a sound valid point. Um- How amazing would it be watching him getting sworn in, i- in the Houses of Parliament? Like having to sign the book and go and take his seat. I mean, that would be just fantastic just how ridiculous the whole thing could look. Well, whether this goes ahead and actually happens, I don't know, but it, it would be for, just the most bizarre possible outcome to anything you definitely that Farage could have imagined at the time when he stepped down and triggered a by-election. Yeah. It's, it's… You'd have think he would, you, you would've thought he would've, like, known this was a possibility at the time. Yeah. So I don't really understand how it's got to this stage. And, and again, it's only a chance that this could happen. The other parties might step up and go, "Okay, well, yeah, this is a good chance for Labour to get something," even though it, it isn't. Uh, and- Mm … it, it might not, but yeah, it's just this Farage bin face showdown that would just be incredible. Well, there's also Restore, isn't there? So, like, Restore's an even further on the right, um, party. I think Rupert Lowe is- Yeah … Sir Rupert Lowe is the, the head of that. But I think they're pretty much finished after getting crushed by Burnham in that by-election. I think that was, like, a, a massive kick in the Plans. Um I could have this wrong, but I think he put out a tweet recently saying something like, "We're not gonna take part in this first one, but we, we will take part in the, the second by-election that happens." And that the first one- Right … is just like a, a, some sort of crazy media show done by Farage, and they don't want to be part of it. Yeah. Which, which it is in some ways, 'cause… And he's gone like, "Well, I'll let the people of Clacton decide." And it's like, but that's not how it works. That doesn't make you innocent. You've just got reelected in the place where you are the most popular person. That doesn't… Yeah. Yeah, it's- It's like there's that thing in, in banking, uh, where, uh, it s- someone gets, uh, found guilty of doing something, or something gets brought up, and so they then get tried in front of their peers who have also done the same thing and g- kind of go, "Oh, it's all right. Don't worry about it." Um, it's, it's not really a trial. Yeah. It's like letting people's own families decide if they committed a crime or not, isn't it, really? Basically, yeah. And he's, uh, all this on, it's like two fingers up to the establishment, and it's like, it's not really. You're just trying to, you're just trying to be strategic and trying to maintain your seat and your potential run to Number 10. Yeah. Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we will get a, a, a playlist going because there will be many, many of these by-elections in the same Clacton seat. So we're gonna have a Clacton by-election playlist here on the Temporarily Scripted channel. And if you wanna see that, then give us a like, a subscribe, stick around, and we will see you in the next one. Adam, it's been a pleasure. As always. Bye, everybody