Mental Health and Resilience: Insights from Rich Potter with Ella

Rich's instagram: @amputee_rich https://www.instagram.com/amputee_rich?igsh=cWdzYndhOXNsOXNt

Rich's Just Giving for Marathon des Sables Legendary 2026 - https://www.justgiving.com/page/rich-potter-7?utm_medium=FR&utm_source=CL&fbclid=PARlRTSAQnwZFleHRuA2FlbQIxMABzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAadg3JH7aN7TUd73MSegPTagzNYHxE1zbS602uAmpDFLY60n58Tf7Vj9knilTg_aem_IqeozV7PHSPWajEGWmdWvA

Summary

In this episode of Fem Talk, Coach Ella interviews Rich Potter, a below-the-knee amputee and resilience coach. Rich shares his journey from military service to overcoming a life-altering injury, discussing the importance of resilience, mental health, and empowering the disabled community. He emphasizes the need for personal standards, proactive coping mechanisms, and the significance of support networks in overcoming adversity. Rich's story serves as an inspiration for both disabled and non-disabled individuals, highlighting that challenges can lead to personal growth and empowerment. In this conversation, Rich Potter and Ella discuss the importance of living in the moment, celebrating progress, and the impact of social media on our ability to be present. They emphasize the significance of self-reflection and awareness in daily life, the normalization of failure, and the need to redefine success. The discussion also highlights the role of coaching and support in building mental resilience and achieving personal growth.

Takeaways

Rich Potter is a below-the-knee amputee and resilience coach.
He lost his leg in the military in 2019.
Rich emphasizes the importance of resilience in overcoming adversity.
He won a gold medal in the 100 meter sprint for the UK.
Rich aims to empower the disabled community through his achievements.
Mental health is a critical aspect of resilience and coping.
Proactive coping mechanisms are essential for mental well-being.
Personal standards play a significant role in motivation and discipline.
Rich believes in the importance of having a support network.
Setting small challenges can help individuals overcome depression.  You have to take advantage of your health and financial situation.
Focus on where you are and how far you've come.
Self-reflection is one of the most powerful tools we have.
Social media can negatively impact our presence and awareness.
Awareness of our habits is crucial for personal growth.
Normalizing failure is essential for resilience.
Success is defined differently by everyone.
Coaching provides necessary support and accountability.
Intentional use of social media can reduce stress.
Celebrating small wins is important for motivation.

Keywords

Fem Talk, fitness, health, mindset, women empowerment, 75 Hard Challenge, social media, sustainable fitness, mental health, self-discipline

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi guys and welcome back to Fem Talk. It is Coach Ella today, and I'm joined here by Richard. Richard, I'm very excited to introduce everyone too because he's an exceptional person, very interesting person, and I think what he is going to share of us today is going to be incredibly valuable. So Richard, well, first of all, I met Richard at uh CrossFit. So um that's how how we've crossed paths. And pretty sure I remember seeing you first, as just always the the quickest person in the class, finishing about 10 minutes for everyone else. Um so Richard, would you like to introduce yourself and give people just a slight, you know, overview on on uh what you do now and uh previously as well?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Yeah, of course. Hi, uh thanks very much for having me on. It's it's awesome, and I I really love what you do with the podcast. I think the whole concept of of what you do is awesome. So hopefully I can contribute even a little bit to that. That would be fantastic. Um, so yes, my name is Rich Potter. I am a 41-year-old below-the-knee amputee. Uh, I lost my leg in the military in 2019, and um, since then it's been a very strange journey that I've been on. I spent three years at the Military Rehab Hospital where I learned an awful lot about myself, an awful lot about resilience, and that sort of led me into the path of public speaking. So I go into businesses, corporations, schools, organizations, whatever it may be, and I tell them a little bit about my story, some of the experiences that I've been on, some of the achievements I've made, and then how they can try and incorporate a little bit of that resilience into their daily lives.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Fantastic. So I thought I'd start first of all just by asking. So the military, how long were you in the military for? What exactly did you do? And I guess what what made you want to join in the first place?

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Okay, so I was an army officer for 11 years, which was the best job I've ever had. It was a job where I could put my berries on every single morning and look in the mirror and know that I'm making a difference. I was very proud of myself. My family were very proud of me. Truth be told, you can probably tell from my accent, I come from the west of Ireland. So there's not really a lot of love for the British Army over there, understandably so. So it was never really on my radar. And when I was in my early twenties, I was volunteering in Southeast Asia. I met a guy in Vietnam who had just finished a year at Sandhurst. He told me all about firing weapons and obstacle courses and getting paid to do it. So I thought that sounds amazing. So um had a had a crack at selection, and fortunately I was able to get in. And yeah, the rest is history, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Wow, 11 years as well. Awesome. So would you be open to telling us a little bit more about your experience of kind of losing your your leg, how that came about? You said you were in hospital for quite a long time and you said you learned a lot through that phase as well. Could you tell me a little bit more about that?

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Yeah, absolutely. So I was a very keen footballer, a very keen athlete, did every single sport that I could, and um, I remember playing one match where I got absolutely smashed in a 50-50 tackle. Didn't really think too much of it, went to the hospital, they said it was uh a sprained ankle, so it's all good. I got to deploy to the Middle East as a contracts officer with the US Special Forces. But the entire time I was out there, something was up. You know, I wasn't able to run. I was on those like the Woodwick treadmills, which is a curved treadmill, and every time I was running, I would get pain in my left ankle, and I realized when I got back I had to get it fixed. So I did get back. I started my next job in central London, which was awesome. And eventually a private hospital saw me and they said that I had an osteochondral defect, which sounded uh pretty worrying, but I was told not to worry. I had surgery three months later. Uh it was a daycase, so I went in that morning, I was home that night, and then about two o'clock in the morning, all hell broke loose. I was in the back of an ambulance on my way to Kingston Hospital with my wife. She was told I wasn't going to make it through the night. I was told that I'd be lucky to keep my legs. And waking up the next morning in intensive care, I pulled back the blanket and my legs were still there, which is great. I'd been told I'd gone into septic shock. So the surgery had unfortunately caused me to have sepsis. And that septic shock, fortunately for me, didn't hit the major organs, to tell the tale. But that was six weeks in intensive care. I then got back and I got home and I became clinically depressed. I was incredibly anxious, I was having panic attacks, I didn't want to leave the house. I'd gained about 20 kilograms, and 12 months later, this doctor said to me, Rich, what the hell are you doing? You know, you're still in the army, you're a young man. Why don't you just have an amputation? And it's such it's such a sobering conversation to have with a medical professional, but he was absolutely correct. Three months later, had the surgery and just did not look back. It was like someone flipped a switch in the back of my head, and I went from being this sort of horrible, you know, depressed, angry rich to just regular rich again, and it felt absolutely amazing. Uh and when I was at rehab in a hospital for for three years, everyone kept telling me I wouldn't run again. Um amputees aren't designed to run, it's just not how our bodies are built. I understand that. But uh I didn't want to give up. I didn't want to give on that dream. I kept pushing and pushing, and eventually I uh I got my fresh running blade and um was able to do some cool things with it afterwards.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Wow, that's that's a huge story that you've condensed there for me. Um that's interesting because obviously I know you f from the gym, but we've never talked about your time in in the military or anything. And uh for some reason I assumed it was linked to the military, you know, losing your leg. But that's that's crazy that yeah, I never knew that. Thank you for sharing that with me and with everyone.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

I think that's what makes the story so relevant, Ella, is because when I say I think in the army, everyone's like, you know, you got blown up. And no, it wasn't. And I'm very open about that because the reality is this can happen to absolutely anybody at any point. So it's important you have that resilience in the bank to be able to deal with any adversity that comes your way.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Yeah. And one reason why I was there were many reasons why I wanted you on the podcast, but I don't know about you, like I'm sure you have different a different social media feed and explore page and are into different media, but I don't often come across many disabled people in the gym. So, like to have someone on the podcast, if you can even relate to one presumably most likely female out there who is also, you know, disabled, like I think that's such an important thing to do because I I think that underrepresented. I don't know what your two cents on that is, but from my perspective of what I see.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

You are a hundred percent correct. And that is what sort of put me on this mission that I'm currently on at the moment. I realize that society has such a weird attitude towards disabled people. We really focus on the this part of the word. It's like, oh, they can't do that or they shouldn't do that. Um, you know, disabled people are some of the the toughest physically and mentally um and most resilient people I know. Um I I won a gold medal in the 100-meter sprint for the UK, which was amazing because I was told for so many years that I would I would never run again, right? So to be able to then go on and win a gold medal. But that that was just the kind of launch pad for me. So in 2024, I went to Bhutan and earned a world record uh by becoming the first disabled person to do the most difficult track in the world, which was awesome. And again, you know, I did that. Yes, of course, it was great to have a world record, but it wasn't about me, it was about the disabled community. It was about empowering them to see somebody disabled go on and do this cool stuff and hopefully enabling them to find their own challenge, which doesn't have to be the most difficult track in the world. It could be running a 5K, it could be walking their kids to school, you know, whatever the challenge might look like. Um, it was hoping people would find their own challenge. And I think I had hoped that I would get it out of my system and I would come back from Bhutan and life would be great, but unfortunately for me, my brain just isn't wired that way. Whether it's because I'm ex-army, whether it's because I'm male and stubborn, I realized that challenge is actually really, really good for me. So uh in three weeks' time, I will be flying to Morocco and I'll be taking on Marathon desab. Uh, for the listeners who don't know what that is, it's seven marathons in seven days in the Sahara Desert, it's gonna be 45 degrees. You carry all your own kits, snakes, scorpion splitters, all that good stuff. Um, and it's just gonna be a real baptism of fire. And I can't wait. And again, it's to hopefully empower um other disabled people to understand that they can do cool stuff.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

I mean, even non-disabled, you know, like I don't know many people with two legs who could run seven marathons in seven days in the desert. Like, so that goes beyond just inspiring disabled distance as well, doesn't it? Like, that's crazy. How how many weeks is it until the marathon? The marathons?

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Four weeks tomorrow. It starts.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

So what's the training looking like for that?

SPEAKER_00 8:08

So just lots of long, long runs and long walks. I'm not carrying weight yet because my stump is still kind of uh adjusting to to what that looks like. But Wednesday night I did a 50k overnight, and that was really important for me because one of the stages on the uh event is um the ultra, which is a hundred kilometres in about 36 hours. So I needed to understand what it felt like to go overnight when I was tired and didn't want to keep going. So that was really good for me. But it's just um yeah, it's just trying to figure out what works, and you know, training is different for everyone. And you know, the one thing I will say, and this goes back to society. You said the word inspiring, and and of course it's lovely when people say that, but as a disabled person, what I think is actually inspiring is quite a almost patronizing word, it's almost condescending because we're saying that somebody's inspiring just because they're missing a limb or just because they're in a wheelchair, you know, like if if a guy with one leg runs a 5K, he's so inspiring. But if a guy with two legs runs an ultramarathon, so what? Nobody cares. So what we should be doing is not putting disabled people on a pedestal just because they're disabled. We should be allowing them to use their voice to empower other people. But it is it's it's it's a really sensitive topic, and I think we speak for hours just about that. But I think the whole calling disabled people inspiring just because they're disabled is something that we should probably try and move away from.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Oh, I completely agree. And please do correct me if I say anything that you, you know, disagree with. What I meant also is that I think maybe I didn't make it clear, anyone, anybody, any bodied person doing seven marathons in seven days is inspiring. I can't even do one marathon. And I have clients who might be listening to this who are doing like their first ever marathon, um, or even their first ever half marathon or their first 5k. Like that's definitely in some people's programs right now. So no matter the person, no matter their body, I know that that is alone inspiring. But I completely agree with what you've just said there. So you also mentioned going back to your journey, depression and anxiety. Again, something that a lot of listeners can definitely relate to. It's sadly quite common, isn't it? So that's another reason why I wanted you on this podcast because of your work in mental resilience and how it could relate to lots of different people. I think every single one of my clients and people listening, you know, everyone listening to this can work on that. So can you tell me a little bit about when you're delivering your mental resilience coaching, the kind of, I guess, the the key concepts that you cover?

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah, of course. It's it's really sad when I when I hear about depression because it's such a horrible disease. And I think that if you are diagnosed as being clinically depressed, that never goes away. You know, you just get a little bit better at dealing with it. And so when there is an incident or an episode, you're able to deal with it. Sometimes you might not even know it because you're on autopilot, because you've become so resilient. And I think what we do really badly in this country is is mental health. You know, it's too easy to prescribe pills, it's too easy to, you know, tell people to socialize or, you know, just go out and do stuff because it just doesn't work like that. And unless you've gone through clinical depression, it's very, very hard to sort of you know talk about. And I remember I had an episode actually after um the Invictus Games when I came back and I ran the doctor and said, Look, I'm not feeling great. I've just become a dad and blah, blah, blah. And he said, pop into the clinic and we'll have um a prescription for you to pick up. You know, that just is not the answer. Certainly not for me. I appreciate that pills have their place and they do work and they can work on a short-term basis. But what we need to do is get away from that and get into other more practical coping mechanisms. And I think the first thing that I always talk about is cognitive reframing. Cognitive reframing is about understanding what's happened and how you can make that better. And the example I always give is it's Friday afternoon, two people are called up to HR, they both work in the exact same job and they're both laid off. Person A says, This is the worst thing to ever happen to me. I'm such a failure. Uh, what's the point of my life? Person B says, This sucks, but it's a really good opportunity for me to pivot. What else is out there? What else can I do? And that's the exact same scenario, the exact same circumstances, but two totally different outcomes. And that happens every single day in this country. It'll happen to your clients, you know. They um I think weight loss is something that I'm I'm very interested in as well, and especially with the rise of Ozempic and whatever else is going on out there. And there's three things within that. Excuse me, the first thing is you'll slip up. Okay, so every single person will slip up, no matter what that journey looks like. Whether you're losing weight, whether you're building muscle, whatever it is, you'll slip up. But there's two ways to go from there. You can shame yourself, and you can shame yourself so much that inevitably you will quit. And that's really, really common, unfortunately. Or you can slip up and you can learn from this and then you can continue. And I don't have a magic bottle filled with liquid that I can sell people and say, drink this and you'll be more resilient. The only way that you can become more resilient is by being exposed to adversity, that stress inoculation, which is um uh two words I love to talk about. If you if you treat resilience almost like building muscle, so you go to the gym and you haven't been to the gym in six months, and you look at a bench and you go, I'm gonna whack on 150 kilos, and you try and push it up, chances are you're gonna overload your body, you're gonna get injured, you're never gonna want to do it again. It's that's a really, really important thing. If you don't put any weights on the bar, chances are you're not gonna get any stronger, you're not gonna build any muscle. So the right way to do it is progressive, progressive challenge. So by very slowly increasing the weight, as you know, I'm I'm teaching you to suck eggs. And the same thing goes for resilience and for adversity. So you have to get out of your comfort zone. So, what does that look like? You know, to the to the people who are listening. It sounds really stupid. You might take a cold shower every day. It sucks. You hate it. The first five seconds, you're like, what am I doing? And then slowly it becomes 10 seconds and 15 seconds and 30 seconds, and after a month, you've nailed it and you have a cold shower of the day. Brilliant. There's physical benefits to come from that, there's mental benefits to come from that. But beyond that, you've picked the challenge, you push yourself out of your comfort zone, and you've moved forward. Coping mechanisms is really, really important. Uh, and the first thing that I will say is be proactive. Resilient people are always proactive. They don't allow their problems or their challenges to sit in the corner and fester and get worse and worse and bigger and bigger. They tackle them head on when it's achievable and when it's easier to do that. So you've got to be proactive, first and foremost. Second of all, you have to have a support network. Resilient people don't work alone, generally speaking. They have a team with them. That might be a spouse, it might be children, it might be parents, whatever the case may be, friends, but you have to have a support network in the in order to be able to move forward and carry out daily life. You might love to go to the gym for an hour every day, um, and then you start a family, and all of a sudden you've got children, and that hour in the gym feels almost impossible. Having a support network enables you to do that, and doing that hour in the gym enables you to get stronger physically, to get stronger mentally, and to be able to ward off any bad stuff that might be coming your way. So support network is super important. But the other thing that's important on support network is cutting out toxic relationships. And this is something super, super common, which is really sad. But too many people are in toxic relationships, and that doesn't just mean a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, whatever the case may be, or husband, husband, wife, wife, and it can be friends, it can be family. If those people are toxic and draining your resilience battery, you just need to cut them away. Um, people will say to me, Oh, my sister is this, my sister is that, my brother is that. Just because they're family doesn't mean that you have to be friends. And just because they're family doesn't mean they have to be in your life. Yes, you can work hard to make that relationship work. But if it is bad for you and if it's draining that that battery that I'm talking about, then you need to cut them away. So be aware of toxic relationships and how you can move forward without them. Um, what else can I talk about? I talked about stress and oculation. Growth mindset. Uh, I'm sure everyone here listening has heard about gross mindset. That is basically the concept that uh skills are not fixed. That's like saying, oh, you were in the army, so you're resilient. Absolutely not. My resilience came long after I was in the army um because I worked on it and because I developed it. So growth mindset is understanding that you can listen to podcasts, you can do self-care, you can meditate, you can go for a run, whatever the case may be, but you have to go through those things in order to become stronger physically and mentally.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Yeah, have you ever read the book Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck?

SPEAKER_00 16:23

I have read extracts from it, yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

I'm gonna link that for people below uh to the podcast because that explains perfectly the difference between a growth and a fixed mindset. And typically people who feel stuck, who feel like, you know, woe is me, we're we're in a fixed mindset. It's interesting what you said there, because I literally had someone message me on Instagram, I think yesterday, saying, like, oh, like I wish I could have your commitment and motivation. And I was like, I'm not motivated all the time. I'm hardly ever motivated, but I do it. And I was like, I wasn't committed when I was, I didn't come out of the womb with this level of discipline. Like I learned it through practice and showing up. And it's literally that, but it's funny how people have that perception of like, oh, some people have it and some people don't.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Yeah, 100%. I mean, you know, I I kind of alluded to it just before I lost my leg, I was 98 kilograms. I was the heaviest I've ever been. I I now look back at photos and I think, goodness me, how did you get to that position? But the reason where I am today is because I worked bloody hard to get there, you know, and I had that strong support network and I used those coping mechanisms, and over time I was able to move forward. And I hope that in five years' time, you and I can have a similar conversation and I will be a little bit further on in my journey, however that might look.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

I always say to some of my clients, math included, like we are always a work in progress. Like you never stop, you never stop learning more about yourself and getting out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself. Like that doesn't mean that every single day or every single week or a single month that you're push, push, push it's push and pull rest is important as well. Yeah, it's it's always a work in progress. Yeah, a lot of what you're saying here is a lot of the conversations that I have with my clients, but more like links to fat loss, achieving like a healthy relationship with food. I think a lot of people, because me and you have been through um our own versions of I guess hardship or extreme situations, like I had my anorexia and um people will look at me or look at you or post on Instagram now and be like, How how did that person get so disciplined? Like, how how can this person be so strong? Or uh in the gym, I get a lot of the time like, Oh, how how do you have a sticks pack all year round? I'm like, I I've worked my ass off. I've been like athletic since I was 13. I don't I don't sit here doing crunches every day to try and impress everyone. Like it's just the compounding nature of my hard work. But no one sees the shit years when I was anorexic, crying every day, depressed with anxiety. And I had to keep showing up, just like you did, like when you had your anxiety and depression, you just have to keep showing up and like trying to even yeah, I I can't describe it. Like you show up even if you just feel like fucking shit, don't you? And you just have to keep going.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

And so there's there's there's one thing I'll say, and this probably won't be that relatable to a lot of your clients because it's it's a real military thing, but I think it's starting to become a bit more mainstream. Standards. Personal standards are so unbelievably important in today's world. And the reality is the only person that you are accountable to is yourself. So frankly, it doesn't matter what your neighbor thinks, it doesn't matter what what she thinks or what he thinks. It only matters what you think when you look in the mirror, and that is so powerful. And you have those personal standards and it's raining outside, and you're like, oh, I have to go for a run. You don't say I have to go for a run. You say I get to go for a run. You put on your trainers, you go out and you run and you do it. It just becomes routine, it becomes autopilot, but you have to have those personal standards in the first place and raise them, raise them every single day, raise them every single week. And when I go into schools, I always say, aim high always. And the kids look at me like I've got eight legs. Aim high always means be the best version of yourself at all times. So that isn't just at work, it isn't just at home with your family or your loved ones, it's all the time. Be the best version of yourself and stop caring or worrying about what he's doing or what she's doing, and just focus on your own lane, run your own race, and eventually you will get to the finish line.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Yeah, that's so true. I think personal standards is it's again something that comes into my coaching. Um, there's lots of crossovers here, and it's also something that if we go back to the conversation of depression, when you're depressed, those standards just go out the window, don't they? You because you're just like, why? What's the point? I actually had a bout of depression after I finished bodybuilding because, like you, I'm someone who needs to keep pushing myself and have challenges, and I I struggled with a huge um shift in identity coming away from that persona. And what I realized, I don't I at the time I didn't realise I was actually a little bit depressed, but um I can see now in hindsight because all of my st standards just went out the window, my house was a mess. I was just getting up and wearing like trackies and never making an effort, didn't even bother doing my hair when I went. I literally looked like I just got out of bed, dragged myself to the gym. I I would have days where I'm like, oh, I can't be asked to go to the gym and do my rehab because my knees were bad. And it is those standards, but no one else could, like you say, can make you do it. Like you have to do it. And it's I think some way of maybe getting out of feeling low and depressed would be to set yourself just one thing that day, say, like, what standard am I gonna set myself? I'm just gonna tidy the kitchen because it's a fucking state. And it's through action, isn't it? It's through action where you start to, I think, come out of that.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Yeah, 100%. And this is what I was saying about these goals. They don't have to be massive goals as you just hit the nail on the head, you know, they can just be little things. And depression is real, you know, it is it is 100% real. And I I again sympathize with anyone who's going through it, and I still have it, and there's times where I will go through depressive episodes, and that's normal, that's fine. Um, but you have to set those little challenges. When I was really bad, uh, I realized that my brain needed to be fed um because I was sick of Netflix, I was sick of Prime, whatever the case may be. So I signed up to do an MBA, uh, a master's in business in 2020, and I did it through Northampton University, and I finished in about 18 months, and it was amazing. And I'm really proud to have it on my CV. But that enabled me to get out of bed every morning. It gave me a reason to go to the library, it gave me a reason to speak to people on. Zoom or on the phone, whatever the case may be, because it wasn't social. And whilst I was really against social stuff, and you know, those social situations gave me anxiety. Actually, sitting in my front room with my laptop, I was in control. So I was able to ring professors, I was able to ring tutors, and I was able to make those conversations happen. And I could also finish them when I wanted. It's very different that if you're forced to go to a party or forced to go to a social situation, you can't just say, all right, I'm off C and it's a little little more nuanced than that. And I think when it comes to depression, I'm not trying to say that trauma isn't real. Trauma is very real. Circumstances are real and the consequences of that are real. But the whole point of being resilient is you're basically faced with a cross uh a crossroads. You know, you can go down road A and you can just make yourself weaker, or you can go down road B and make yourself stronger. But just because you go down road A and become a little bit weaker doesn't mean you can't come back. And this is the point, is you have to be able to almost wake up the next day and forget about it. You know, stop living in the past and stop worrying about the future and actually ground yourself and focus on what it is you're doing in the present, because we're really bad at that. I used to be terrible, you know. Ellie and my wife and I would say, we can't wait till we're in our sixties and we're retired and we can do this and we can do that. I mean, that's such a nonsense way to live because there's no guarantee any of us will live till our sixties or seventies, first and foremost. And secondly, even if you do, there's no guarantee you'll be in a physical position to be able to do that. So you have to do it now. You have to take advantage of your health, of your uh financial situation, of your ability to just do stuff. And I'm probably waffling. Um it's just something I'm very passionate about. I think we we we need to be better at living in the moment. And yeah, it's important to have plans, it's important to have goals, but at the same time, it's very easy to get overwhelmed by those goals. Some of your clients might might email you and say, Ella, I want to lose, you know, 30 kilos. And they might get three months in and find they've only lost four and go, There's no way I'm gonna lose 26 kilos in nine months. Actually, what they should be doing is, holy crap, I've lost four kilos in the last three months. That's amazing. I've gone down a whole dress size, um, and in three months' time I'm gonna do it again, and then I'm gonna go to Cheshire Oaks and I'm gonna buy loads of new clothes, whatever the case may be. But you have to focus on where you are, but also how far you come. And I remember a very quick story. When I was in Bhutan, and it was like day 18 or 19, we'd done about 200 kilometers, and uh, we were like 5,700 meters up snow everywhere, my stump was on fire. There were so many blisters, I was like a patchwork of compied blister plasters, and um there was a ultramarathon going on where 12 international athletes were invited, and there was a guy there from Kenya, and I was sat down having a snack, and I was feeling miserable and sorry for myself. And he sat down beside me, which was very kind of him because he was being timed, I wasn't, and he said, Um, what's going on? So I explained it and he made me stand up and he said, Rich, turn around. He said, Look over there. You started this journey way, way, way past there, and look how far you've come. Don't worry about how far you have to go, but reflect and think about how far you've come. And that was like such a such a shift for me, because now anything that I'm doing, physical or mental, I will stop, I'll put a pin in it, and I'll reflect. And self-reflection is one of the most powerful tools that we have in.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

100%. I love that story. As you were saying it, it made me think of um how I felt in my anorexia recovery where I was told I had to gain a certain amount of weight and it felt like climbing Everest. I was like, it's I can't. I was like, it's too much. So a little bit like when you had that moment where you had to sit down and you were like, I can't. Um, and then there's a quote that was painted on the gym wall where I was at when I was ill, and I can remember it to this day, I can picture it, and it said, Focus on results and you'll never change. Focus on change and you'll get results. And I still use this with my clients now because and my clients listening will probably be nodding. I'll say 99.9% of females that I work with, they're just focusing on the future and how they're not there yet. And all they want is to be there yet, but they're expending so much energy worrying about not being there yet, it's distracting them from the here and now and what they need to fucking do. And like, yeah, if you take it day by day and you just focus on what you can do on that given day to move forwards rather than backwards, that's all you need to do. And that's how I had to break down my anorexia recovery to then double, I ended up doubling my body weight. And for someone who's got a phobia of eating food, that's quite hard. I think a lot of women listening to this will totally relate and they'll be like, Yep, guilty. And why do we not celebrate the wins? I have this time and time again every week when I'm working with women, it's never, yes, I've dropped half a kilogram. It's why is it not being a whole kilogram? Do you know what I mean? Or I'm only squatting 40 kilograms. Why why not? Why am I not like 60? It's like, yeah, but you weren't even squatting before we met. Would you say that you said um we struggle with being present right now in society in general, which I totally agree with? Um, I've got a couple of questions in my head. I'm gonna try and remember them all. I'm gonna go back to the presence um topic. Well, do you coach people to try and be more present to then enable them to do this?

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Uh so the first thing that I tried to say is, and it's really ironic because obviously we're filming this for Instagram and various other platforms, but the first thing is to get off social media. Social media is it's it's it's such a cancer, generally speaking. I know there's great things out there, and you know, obviously your example is amazing, and there's lots of great things that you can do, but doom scrolling is a real thing now. It's affecting everything, our eating habits, our toilet habits, our social life, like everything is being interrupted by by social media, and you can't you can't grow, you can't learn, you just attach to you know to the screen. I think we we've also lost the ability to be bored, which is a really strange thing to say. But I remember how fun it was growing up as a kid in the West of Ireland. You know, your mum would say, right, off you go at 8 a.m., make sure you're back for tea at six, and you would just go off and have the best time. Now it is all 11 to 12, you're doing this, two to three you're doing this, text me every hour, send me emails, whatever the case may be. This this little thing here is like, you know, controlling our entire lives. It's um it's it's almost worse than a pair of handcuffs. So the first thing that you should really try and do is at least limit your time on social media. You know, you look at some of these um high-flying CEOs and successful athletes, yeah, they might have social media profiles, but they don't they don't use it. They've got teams that do that stuff for them. They don't they don't engage with it.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

They're not on it. Did you notice um Simon Cow doesn't actually have a mobile phone? I listened to a podcast of who was it on? I think it was a DIRA CEO last year or the year before. And he was like, I don't have a phone. I do my work. If someone wants to call me, they'll find me. Or if someone wants to contact me, they'll find me.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

I never knew that, but that's awesome. And you know, he's a very successful guy. Like him or love him. He's very successful, so there's clearly some correlation there.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

And he's also from an older generation who didn't grow up with that the social media presence, the constant connectivity, that need to constantly be knowing what's going on all the time.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Yeah, and and to be fair, uh you know, I should caveat what I'm saying by obviously saying the same thing. I didn't grow up with social media or phones or anything. So I appreciate it is much harder for you know young men and women in their 20s or um, you know, teenagers because that's their life and it's all they're used to. So, but I think that you have to try and break that cycle somehow. And I know there's loads of apps out there. I've actually got apps myself where you can uh log in and it basically bars you from using certain apps for two or three hours at a time, and that's really useful because even when I was preparing for this podcast today, I was sat in the office and I was sat there scrolling and I was like, You've got a job to do, like what are you doing? You have to physically put your phone in there.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

I challenge myself now because I'm I think the first thing to do is awareness. Like we scroll without even realizing, and then we've lost 20 minutes of our life. And because it's so habitual, as soon as we're bored, we get our phone out and start scrolling. You wouldn't know, but if you were to if there was a fly on the wall counting how many times you got your phone out to just scroll in the day, I think everyone would be obviously gobsmacked. And it's having that first little awareness of shit, I'm actually doing this so much. And then you can see obviously your your time spent on different apps as well. So then you can see now, shit, I've spent three hours on social media today. And for what? What have I actually achieved with those three hours? So I think the first thing is awareness. Like I teached out with my clients with whatever we're talking about, whether that's their relationship with food or exercise or their body, for example, being aware of the thoughts that are popping into their head rather than just carrying on as normal and not really acknowledging it. And then I encourage them to rather than go cold turkey when we live in a society where, like you say, they've probably grown up with it or it's just it's a very strong habit. I I talk about boundaries and I'm like, okay, well, why don't you set a boundary that PM, the phone just goes to the side? So you can go on it before then, but afterwards we're gonna put it to the side, or you're gonna go leave it upstairs where it's out of reach. Um, a little bit like you were talking about boundaries earlier with toxic relationships, I guess. And then I also talk about intent. Like you say, there is some good stuff on social media, like there's lots of positives from it as well as negatives, but are you looking at that and utilizing it, or are you, like you say, doom scrolling? So I asked my clients to just think like, what is your intent? Are you in are you going on social media to check on your friend or to, you know, look at your favourite athlete or whatever? Or are you just scrolling three memes for 45 minutes? So intentionally using something rather than numbing your mind. I think that helps. That's definitely helped me. I've noticed such a difference in myself in terms of just, I don't know, whether it's reduced stress or just, I don't know what I'd wear it. I just feel so much better now that I'm so much more intentional with my phone usage. Because I just don't feel like I'm wasting my life anymore. I know that I'm going on my phone to post that thing for work or to reply to a friend and then I'm off it, and that's fine, like get on with my day. And now my evenings are so much I have so much more time. My phone goes to the side at about five or six pm, o'clock off. Don't look at it until I set my alarm for bed. And I'm I've just noticed like how much more time I feel like I have, but it's just because I'm not staring at the screen.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

The other, the other thing on phones, and you know, thanks for all of that. The other thing on phones is when when I spent five weeks in Bhutan, it was pretty rubbish to sleep, actually, in hindsight, because it was, you know, high altitude and whatever else. But actually, the sleep that I did get was really good. It was deep sleep, and I did fall asleep quickly. So when I came back from Bhutan, for the first two or three weeks, I would leave my phone downstairs at like eight or nine in the evening, I would go to bed, and I would sleep so well. And unfortunately, very slowly, it just creeps back into your pocket and before you know it's on the bedside table. And then it's 10 o'clock, you're in bed, and you're scrolling, and you're like awake at one in the morning. Why can I not sleep? Oh, yeah. So I've been staring at this frigging blue light screen for the last two or three hours. So it's it literally impacts everything, it affects everything. And you said, you said an amazing word there, um, awareness. So I said that self-reflection is one of the most powerful tools that we have in our army. Awareness is the second one. Being aware of what you're doing and why is so, so important, particularly for some of your clients who are going on that weight loss journey or that strength gaining journey. You might find yourself on a Friday night sat there with a full pack of Pringles in front of the TV. You might not even realize you're doing it because you're just on autopilot. And you have to be aware, you have to stop, you have to pause and take a moment and be like, why am I doing this? And that moment might look like a five-minute walk outside, it might look like eating an apple, it might look like drinking a pint of water. And I'm sorry if that sounds really patronizing, but that really, really helps because it breaks that um that that immediate cycle and you can leave and then come back and be like, why was I doing that? Is it just because it's a Friday and the TV was on? I don't need to do that. I'm not hungry, I didn't want to, whatever the case may be. So awareness is super important. So thank you for uh for bringing up awareness.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Yeah, no, thank you. That's um it's not patronizing at all, those little tips that you mentioned. I use that a lot with clients when we're talking about improving someone's relationship with food. And people often think, like, oh, I need to snack less, snacking's bad. And I'm like, why is snack bad? Like, if you have if your body needs X amount in the cal of calories in a day, why does it have to come from breakfast, lunch, and dinner? What is bad about a snack? Removing that that terminology, those connotations, but then asking the person, do you feel like the snack's bad because you've not reflected beforehand and you've just gone and smashed whatever's in your cupboard? That's probably why you think it's bad. If you were to have a banana as a snack and you've actively you know sat there and thought, right, I'm gonna go work out, so I need some carbs and I'm gonna have a banana, you wouldn't think that's bad. It's about taking that moment to pause and think, what does my body need? What is my body telling me? Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Have I fueled myself enough today? If not, okay, maybe that's why I need a snack. Am I gonna go work out? Do I need some more carbs? And it you can't do that if you don't take a minute to pause and think. So I kind of, yeah, in in the in the context of relationships with food, I use that as well.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Well, but kind of Ella, sorry, equally what's really important is when you do have that night and you do have that incident, you need to normalize failure. And that's something that we're really bad at. Like everyone fails, your clients will fail today, they'll fail tomorrow. That's normal. It happens, right? But you have to normalize it. You have to talk about it with your friends, with your family, with your support network, and then it becomes a learning point. You know, I smashed uh whatever a whole tub of pringles on Friday night. Why? Oh, I don't know, the TV was on, I was bored, whatever the case may be. And then you're like, oh, I didn't need to do that. So next Friday when the TV's on, you make an active decision not to do that. And instead, you might buy in a pun of the grapes or a pun of the blueberries or you know, whatever the case may be. But also, if you do continue to go down that road every Friday night, that's fine. It's it's it's how you justify it. But just because you go down that road doesn't mean you can't come back and then go back down the other one. You know, continuity is is so important. Um, and I'm definitely waffling now because I can see your face. So I'm like, cool.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

No, I was just um I was just gonna say it's funny because one of my last questions for you was how do you handle failure? And then you went on to talk about it anyway. But um again, what you said there, many parallels to how I coach it as well. So it comes down to reframing again, doesn't it? Really? People think that failure is bad. I think also linked to that, unrealistic expectations. So you're always gonna be failing if your expectations are unrealistic, it's constant failure in your eyes. Um but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

Expectations and definition of success is too important because the way that you and I define success are probably very different. There's gonna be a thousand people doing marathon desab in Morocco next month. Every thousand people will have a different definition of success. Some will want to be top 10, some top 100, some Finnish, some whatever the case may be. For me, definition of success for this event is getting to the start line. You know, as a as a as a disabled person, I have no inherent right to be at that start line. It is a very grueling event. The training that you have to go through to get there is huge. So for me, just being able to break away from normal life, from my job, from my wife, from my son, and get to the start line, that is my success. And everything from there is just a bonus. So it's how you define that success. Your clients will say they might be very specific, I want to lose 20 kilos in the next 12 months, or they might just say, I want to feel better about myself, I want to look better in in clothes. That's much easier to work with because the parameters are much bigger. Um, and then you know, that success is very much imposed by then. But I think that's the point is you can't impose success, I can't impose success. It goes back to stay in your lane and figure out what it is, what that you want.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

Yeah, and on that note, we've mentioned me and Vic have mentioned before on this podcast that those listening in our community space, we have a document to help you do that. It's called the Values and Values and Vision Statement. So it helps you work out what your values are. So, aka the most important things to you in your life, what your priorities are, and then how to establish a healthy goal around that. Because a lot of the time people set themselves up for failure as well with setting a goal which isn't aligned to their values. Um, we see that a lot as well. So you can find that document. Again, I'll link it, that's in the community space as well. Um fantastic. So to summarize, to our listeners here who are looking to build their mental resilience, we have talked about, and please um add to me if I start to to stumble reframing. We've talked about accountability for yourself, taking action and getting out of your comfort zone basically in small steps. We've talked about awareness and self-reflection. What else have we talked about?

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Not fearing failure, normalizing failure.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

Normalizing failure, reframing it, realistic expectations.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Not be ashamed because it's a normal part of life every single day.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

Yeah. That's again something which comes up a lot a lot with coaching females, especially for fat loss. But it comes down to, you know, things like Ozempic and thinking, oh, I can lose five kilograms in a week. So I I guess that ties into our conversation earlier of blocking out the noise around you of whatever other people are doing and whatever's in the media or social media and just coming back to the present moment, which is what we we said, focusing on your own lane in the present moment. So presence. Have you ever for yourself personally, have you ever practiced things like meditation or yoga or these types of things to help with becoming more present? There's obviously lots of different techniques out there that people use, aren't there?

SPEAKER_00 38:47

Yeah, there are. And I've I've dabbled with yoga and and and meditation. And I'm one of those athletes that always says, I should stretch more. You know, starting from next week, I'm gonna stretch for half an hour every day, and then it's six weeks later and I'm still tight and sore and whatever else. Because I haven't stretched. So that's normal. So I think, you know, whatever you said, you have to be realistic. But what I do do every day is I reflect. Every night, uh whether it's after dinner or when I get to bed or even brushing my teeth, I'll just think about what happened today and what went well, what didn't go well, and then if something didn't go well, why didn't it go well? But you weren't prepared enough, or you know, I can't even think of an example, but whatever the case may be, it's your opportunity to just be with yourself in your own head and congratulate yourself because that's equally important. Yes, you can normalize failure, but when you do achieve stuff, you should congratulate yourself. Be proud of what you've achieved. It's huge. Whatever that challenge might look like to you, it's still a huge deal that you've done it. So, you know, don't beat yourself up and be be proud and be happy.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Definitely. I think that's why a lot of people like having coaches. Obviously, you're getting programs, you're getting apps, you're getting that structure. But you're when you're not feeling in a position to do that for yourself, you've got someone with you saying, you know, that's fucking awesome what you've done this week. Let's focus on that and do that again, rather than, you know, continue in a negative spiral.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

And every week there'll be times where you don't want to do it for yourself. So that's why having a coach is just so important.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Have you ever had coaches for your training?

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Yeah, loads. You know, for obviously for team for Team GB, for the athletics, was surrounded by coaches, not just physical but also mental. And then there's people who help you with nutrition as well, which is really important. I guess you could argue my time at rehab with the army, you're surrounded by coaches with PTIs, with physios, with occupational therapists. They're all feeding you these little nuggets of information that you're trying to absorb and take on board to become a little bit better than you were the day before. Coaching is something that I absolutely subscribe to, and I think they're really, really important, whether that's life coaching, physical coaching, mental health coaching, I think they have a a role to play. And people who use a coach um should not be ashamed that they use a coach. In fact, they should treat it as a positive, um, and just accept that you're gonna have those days where you don't feel like doing it, and you know that you've got a coach at the end of the phone or at the end of an email who'll be like, Okay, cool, you didn't want to do it today. Tomorrow you're gonna smash it, I believe in you, and that comes back to support them. And yes, I believe a coach is part of your support network.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

Yeah, absolutely. That does come back to environment and support, isn't it? Done a 360 there. Well, I think we're now um coming at a perfect time to wrap it up there, and I also know that you've got to go collect your son. Is there anything else you wanted to to add where like where people can maybe reach out about mental resilience or anything? Is there anything going on your end that people can find?

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Uh I mean obviously you can you can and you can hit me up on Instagram, despite my my attitude towards social media. I am on it. Occasionally I do use it to to try and um get new clients. But um yeah, so feel free to do that. Uh I'm very happy to talk about resilience, physical or mental. I have I'm kind of blessed in a way that I have multiple MTTs from across the world messaging me and for advice uh because they've just started out their journey and what can they do. And it's just amazing to be able to give something back to the community. A lot of time when I go into to schools or um certainly youth organizations, I don't I don't charge them for that because it's something that really makes me happy. Seeing those kids ask questions, put their hand up, and how can they do this, how can they do that. That's awesome because this is so important. Those children are our future. If we can make them resilient now, when they hit their 20s and 30s, it'll just be totally normal for them and like water off the duck's back.

SPEAKER_01 42:14

Yeah, that's amazing. That reminds me of a client who's recently started with me, and it made me so sad in the consultation call. She's very, very struggling like with her confidence, very low confidence, and she can still remember from when she was at school a teacher telling her that she can't do something. So now she just has it in her head that she can't. And it's like such a you're at such a vulnerable age, aren't you, at school? Learning like about the world, thinking about what you want to do when you're older, and with all these possibilities. And you should be absolutely encouraged to go, you know, get stronger physically, mentally, and like you say, build that mental resilience. It's it's great that you know there are people like you going in and doing that, and she didn't get that. That's sad, isn't it? Teachers should be I'm sure there are amazing teachers out there, so there's a different side story, but I don't think you should ever say that to a child, you can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

Yeah, you're absolutely right. Uh and I think uh they're so impressionable, they they learn so we have a five-year-old, as you know, um, and I'm super positive with him all the time. He'll come home and we'll be reading a book and he'll not able to do it, and he'll start crying because he's so upset because he can't do it. And I'm like, dude, you can do it, like just chill out, just relax, take a breath, go for a walk, and then come back. When he comes back, he's calmed down, he's he's regulated. I know we didn't talk about regulation, we don't have time, but he's regulated and he's unable to have another crack at it. And that and that is the definition of resilience, you know, someone who can keep going again and again and again, no matter what like throws at them, that's that's resilience.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

No, I completely agree. And as you say, I think adults could do that as well sometimes, just go have a cry then come back and sort it out. Um, well, I will tag your Instagram at the bottom of the podcast if that's okay, then, and people can follow you if if they like. But thank you for coming on and sharing all of that because it's so it's just so interesting. Like I say, we we haven't had a guest, our podcast is relatively new and we haven't had a guest like you on, and just because we're female coaches as Well, we want plenty of male input on things like mental resilience. And that's one reason why I've thought of you, like especially with your history in the army, like yeah, fascinating. And it's interesting to see also that actually we have many, many parallels with how we coach as well. So yeah, thank you for your time. And um again, I hope everyone found that super interesting, fascinating. If you have any other questions, you can message me or Richard. I hope you liked this episode, and we'll be back again soon.