Embracing Natural Beauty: A Conversation on Aging and Confidence

 summary

Ella and Vic explore body confidence, beauty standards, aging, and self-acceptance, sharing personal journeys and societal influences. They discuss Botox, skincare, fitness goals, and the importance of living authentically.

 key  topics

Body confidence and self-acceptance
Societal beauty standards and media influence
Aging gracefully and embracing natural changes
The impact of Botox, fillers, and skincare
Balancing fitness goals with mental health

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Catch-Up
02:33 Balancing Training and Life
05:28 Mindset and Body Confidence
07:55 Finding Balance in Fitness Goals
10:38 Body Image and Self-Acceptance
13:08 Beauty Standards and Societal Pressures
16:40 The Botox Debate and Aging
20:46 Personal Choices in Beauty and Self-Expression
24:49 The Dial of Beauty: Finding Balance in Aesthetics
26:50 Aging Gracefully: Embracing Change and Self-Acceptance
31:48 Empathy in Beauty Standards: Understanding Individual Journeys
34:43 The Reality of Perception: Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder
39:50 Navigating Aging: Personal Reflections and Societal Expectations
45:01 The Transition of Values: Embracing Change in Your 30s

 keywords

body confidence, aging, Botox, skincare, beauty standards, self-acceptance, fitness journey, mental health, societal pressures

Keywords

Fem Talk, fitness, health, mindset, women empowerment, 75 Hard Challenge, social media, sustainable fitness, mental health, self-discipline

Follow us on Instagram: @femme_coaching_ @Ella_femme_coach @kaylesclarke @Victoria.mandi

or checkout our website: www.femmesociety.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi guys, it's Ella and Vic and welcome back to Fem Talk, our podcast. And today we're just gonna have a quick catch-up because it's been a while. Just yeah, have a little chat about where we're at with our own training, nutrition, goals, body confidence, etc. I'm actually excited because me and Vic haven't actually caught up on this for a while. And then we were thinking the other day of we were talking about this topic which is so current right now, and we thought this is a great podcast topic because it's a very controversial one, and it would also be great to know what you guys think as well. And it's along the lines of Botox, Zilla, and kind of aging. So that's kind of what we're gonna move on to later on. But first of all, hi Vic, how are you? Tell me what's new. Hello guys, it's been a long time no here, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

So I'm excited to um have this little kit catch up with everyone as well. Um, I don't even know when was the last time we've actually had like a full-on episode when we were just catching up and talking about ourselves because we've been trying to bring like different types of values for you girls. As you know, I'm not exactly in an incredibly exciting and period exciting period of my my training career. I'm just trying to like maintain what I have without I don't know, without losing my marbles or like going too like crazy or obsessed with like my training. I don't know. I'm just trying to, I'm just still in this maintenance phase, I suppose, where I'm trying to be living the mum life and then also trying to live the healthy life with a good balance. So it was two weeks of half term, and we definitely haven't talked about that. That was amazing. I've spent lots of time just sort of refilling my cup, I think. Finally, we've got some good weather as well. So I've done lots of outdoor activities which have been amazing. I know finally it it just makes things so very different, like your general mood. It does.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Like even if today it's not even if you've got stresses on or your day's not perfect, if it's sunny, it just makes everything that little bit better. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

I mean, I I just came back from my dog walk, and honestly, it's just a very different vibe. Although it's been super windy today, you do some days just go out on your walk because you're just like, oh for fuck's sake, I've got to get them steps or like uh gotta take the dogs out, or you know, whereas when it is sunny, it's it's actual like an actual vibe. Um yeah, it's been lovely like that, and then now we are week three post uh half term, and and yeah, I've just been focusing on getting back into my training because of course I don't have as much time to train when it's half term. I do tend to kind of use those weeks as like a quote unquote deload week. So I think it works quite well that every like sort of six to eight weeks you get a half term, either one week or two weeks. So that when it's not a half term and it's school time, I like absolutely smash and focus on my training. And then when it is, then I'm not really feeling like quote unquote guilty for not doing that. I know that my body does need that time off as well, so it's quite nice to It's like a D-load for mums, but it's given to you by the schools. Yeah, it's given to me by the schools and life. I suppose it's given to you by choice as well, because of course there would always be a way for me to find time to go to the gym. Like, for example, Noah is old enough now so that I could go to the gym and he'd just like sit, you know, for an hour and and then I'd be fine doing that. But I just don't want to. So I think this is where I'm like, I feel really grateful for all that hard work that I've previously put into my training and nutrition, so that now I'm just really comfortable and confident in not having to do that. I suppose it's also down to mindset, right? That all the mindset work I've done, that I don't feel the need to have to always hammer, yeah, hammer it from all ends, and then I I can allow myself to just sit back at that time. But yeah, I find that that's currently like a really nice balance for me. So now I'm in the week three of trying to train really hard, which is really nice. Focusing on continuing to focus on making sure that I eat enough. I feel like that's still a big thing for me that I need to focus on. Like I haven't tracked for four years, I'm still not tracking. Every now and then, like a week before my period, I I start to think, oh, maybe I should start tracking my food. And then I realize, oh no, actually, you're just gonna come on your period, then it will be fine. And it is fine because literally in these last four years, like my weight has been like up and down by two kgs, which is completely like normal. So it's been nice and stable.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I went through a phase I'm just yeah, I went through a phase of having the itch to like, oh, should I track? But in the last year, like every time I said that to myself, just from not even from a you know, I don't want to build muscle or lose weight, but I just want to have an eye on what I'm eating. But every time I went to do it, I would do it for like half a day, then forget, and then the next to be like, oh shit. And I just realized like it doesn't I don't need it, and that's why I'm not sticking at it. So for the last year, I totally like that doesn't even cross my mind anymore. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

I think we always talk about like your value system and like what's important to you and like priorities and stuff like that to our client, and that is that's what's going on here. Like it's not our priority to like improve our physique at the moment, our priorities like lie elsewhere at the moment because we're happy in our own skin, isn't it? So then because I go I've gone through within the last four years, I've gone through the exact same thought processes several times. Like, like last year I had so many holidays, right? We went to Marbella, and then like I don't know, 10-12 weeks before Marbella, I was like, oh, maybe I'm gonna have to, maybe I'm gonna do a like a cut for Marbella. And then I started tracking my food for two days, and I thought, fuck are you cutting for? Like, you're right, like you don't have to worry about it. And then he because it because it is you wouldn't forget it because you know that you can just turn on that like discipline that you've had from the past, but it's just not important anymore. And I know for you guys that are listening, this might not be the case, and you're like in the trenches in your diet phase, for example, or something like that, and we're really sorry that you have to listen to this. But I promised you that at some point our goal for US coaches is to get to displays, but you do have to remember when you hear us talking about this, is that we have also gone through like some absolute grueling muscle building and fat loss phases in order to get to this, alongside of working on our own mindset as well to be okay with it, right? Because we're not always maintaining our bodybuilding physiques at all. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

I was gonna add to something that you mentioned where you were like, you don't need it anymore. I actually go off, like, yes, I'm happy in my physique, but I don't need to track because I'm looking at other factors telling me that I'm doing well with my nutrition. So, like, my recovery is amazing, my strength is increasing, my energy is is good, my sleep is good, my menstrual cycle is healthy. So when I'm looking at that and I'm like, cool, everything's sweet, like, why do I then need to question if I'm not feeling myself enough? Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 7:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

So if one of those things started to change, that's when I might be like, oh, okay, maybe I should track for a week or two and just see, like, am I not eating as much protein as I thought, or whatever. So yeah, there's there's those other factors as well. But I think um something also that I was thinking about when you mentioned earlier, like, oh, we're not in our very, we're in like our mellow phase, like we're finding that balance between training, still progressing with that and enjoying it, but also it's not like the whole thing in your life, and you've got lots of other areas that um fill your cup. Um, so yeah, what I was, oh my god, what was I actually gonna say? I was gonna say, I was talking to a friend the other day, and she was like, Ella, do not downplay the phase that you're in just because you're not smashing a big goal, like a Hyrox or a Marathon or an Ultra or a bodybuilding comp. She was like, What you're still doing is inspirational and aspirational for many people because they have not achieved that yet. Like, they have not found that balance, they have not found the physique or you built the physique that they're happy in, and they don't know how to maintain it. So she was like, although it's not some extreme goal, your day-to-day life is what people are working towards. And I was like, That's so true. Because in all honesty, coming away from really extreme goals like bodybuilding comps, you do then start to think, you know, this is nothing now, like this is just boring. Um, and she was like, absolutely not. Like, although it's not an ultra or a marathon, like you're still people's goals in how, you know, in how you're living your lifestyle. Many people don't have that balance, many people aren't comfortable in their skin. And I was like, actually, that's so true. So I just thought of that conversation that I had with her the other day. But yeah, I'm I am in a similar boat to you. I'm obviously entering my, I don't want to say CrossFit era because I don't really um I don't really care about like the Olympic lifts. I'm not gonna lie, that's not really what I'm interested in. But I'm very much enjoying my strength and conditioning, and I am enjoying learning some more gymnastic based movements at the minute. I'm really working on my muscle up. So that was a goal that I set myself in January. So I just thought it's really fucking cool, like, and not many people can do it.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

I do watch I do watch your posts, and I'm always really jealous because I I really can't wait for me to find some time at some point to do some gymnastics because that is yeah, I think that is like a fun thing. It's like a little bit going back into the playground and then like just learn some moves. Keep going by the way, I've just got to let Ruby out because yeah, it is an adult playground doing that stuff, and uh that's that looks really cool and fun to do.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah, and then my friend again, she was like, most people can't do that either. So even though it's not a big competition you're working towards, you're still working towards something that not many people can do, and maybe I'm not hitting new PBs, but the weights that I can do again are still like really strong. So that conversation with her was so actually confidence boosting. So I was like, Yeah, like I am I am working hard, it's just not towards a competition of some kind. But yeah, I'm enjoying that, but I'm also taking it like quite casually. I aim for a certain amount of sessions per week. Sometimes they move around. If something comes up in my week and I have to miss one, so be it, I might pop out for a run. Again, no goal as such, it will be like four or five K. I take an interest in the time just to see like what it was like compared to the previous one, but I'm like so casual about it. So yeah, I'm enjoying that balance at the minute. And generally, like body image-wise, really content. I think the most content I've ever been in my life, actually. You know, obviously eating disorders from my teens, recovery, bodybuilding, coming out of bodybuilding. The last year or so, I just feel so at peace with my body. It's actually quite it was quite an overwhelming feeling when I realized that. I was like, wow, it's taken me a long time. But I now can just walk past the mirror and I don't, I I'm just neutral. Like, I don't think much to it because I've got to a point where I'm like, yes, I want to look nice and I feel good in my clothes. I feel like happy with what I see, but I just know that there's so much more to me than that. Like, do you know what I mean? And it just feels like a really peaceful place to be in at the minute. This is actually so funny. So, like last night I got this is how my head works at the minute. I got into the shower and I was like, oh, like late night, late PT'd and had to be up really early to teach classes in the morning. And part of my, I don't know what went through my head, but I was like, you should really fake tan. Just you know, like every girl goes through that moment where they're like, oh, I really should fake tan. And then instantly my brain was like, Yeah, but you can't be fucked. You just want to eat and get into bed. You're absolutely fine as you are. And then I just took a moment back and I was like, oh, my brain is, I've really trained my brain to be much nicer to myself now. And it was just like one of those moments where it's like, I've come a long way. Yeah. Because most people do feel like, you know, they have to do that. Like, I'm not gonna get my legs out in the gym until I've faked hands or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

Yeah. I think this might lead us onto the conversation that we kind of want to talk about, isn't it? Because um we wanted to talk about like how certain things that we do as women, or obviously some men do it as well, within the beauty industry, we do it like due to like because of fashion or like because we feel like we have to because everyone else is doing it, and it's just like how not just social media, but generally the media is making you feel like you need to like invest into, and I think fake tan is like one of those things, isn't it? I think for us, fake tan, especially because we come from the bodybuilding industry, so like even a uh heavy, like dark fake tan, like lifestyle fake tan for us is like, yeah, fine. It's completely normal for me. And uh it's funny you say about the fake tan, because I've been thinking about this. I actually uh will admit I have been going to the stun beds the last couple weeks. I wear SBS on my skin. Don't judge me, because I know like that's a little bit co controversial as well. But that's I'm gonna blame that because I blame my Eastern European roots for that one because I'm even taking that back, like so much more so than what I used to do. So sun's out, everyone feels more pale than they normally would do because the sun is all harsh and on you, and yes, you want to get your legs out and whatever. So I didn't start um going to the sunbed because I want to get extremely tanned. And I did also think about fake tan, but I could not be asked to do that, to be honest. I couldn't be dealing with the bed sheets that smell. I don't I actually quite like the smell of it, to be honest. So it's not the smell for me. It's more the stains, stains absolutely everywhere, no matter what you leave as well. And it's more so as well that it will be great, it will look great for about three or four days, maybe a week, if you're only having showers and no bath, and then after that you start to have the tiger break crumbral, and then you have to like do it all over again. So it's just like it's just like another big thing to do. And I'm again not judging anyone who does do it because that's absolutely fine. And I know I do know that it makes me feel so much better. Like there's just like this thing about being tanned that makes you I don't know, it's kind of like bad blow, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Yeah, I actually re because I can't be asked um to fake tan anymore. I always also this is so random, but I also find that I sleep really badly when I apply it because you know like you leave it on overnight, but then I feel like really sticky in bed, and I'm like, I just it makes me sleep really bad. I use the dove tinted moisturizer, which might sound like a really old lady thing to do, but it actually, if you get the dark one, it does give you just like a slight tint and it looks more natural. You don't have like it doesn't smell, it just smells of a normal moisturizer, there's no streaks unless you completely fuck it up, like no streaks at all. Um, and then you don't get any tiger bread legs because it's not like that. It's funny because I was thinking about doing some some beds. I know it's bad for your skin, but then I don't know, I feel like we need to get some kind of skins skin specialist on, which you mentioned as well. That would be a really good podcast. I'd have so many questions. But um I also I think literally like just sort me out. Um I saw a reel or a post or something with some skin specialist, and they were like, There's nothing wrong with exposure to the UV rays of the sunbeds or the sun, whatever, but it's about gradual exposure rather than being locked away all winter than burning in your summer holiday. And that's what made me think, well, like for my summer holiday, I have that problem every year. Like you go out there really pale, and that's when you're gonna burn and obviously do like damage to your skin. So I was thinking maybe if I just build up my tolerance to the UV rays, and so do you know what I mean? Like not actually to tan really hard, but just to like prep my body to go abroad.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Yeah, I yeah, I know what you mean, and that's kind of what I do. I obviously fully pumped Jim had got a sunbed in there a couple years ago, and I finally got myself to start using it last year for the exact same reasons because we had so many holidays um last year, and also I'm sorry, but Kim was basically a black woman for Amabea, so we had to uh strands, yeah. She made us look albino. Yeah, I mean she was yeah, she was tan A, still is by the way. Anyway, so it's her pressure, the pressure of standing next to her as like a UV light bulb, and also my Eastern European like heritage of how I actually used to tan like that, and since I've lived in this country, I'm just an albino person as well. And then also just knowing that I'm having all these holidays and I don't want to burn and I want to be able to like tan and enjoy the sun, already having a nice base tan is handy as well. But yeah, so that's how I started doing a gradual tan at that time, and I thought, right, this time, this year, it's time to do it again. Not that I have any holidays booked at the moment, by the way, sadly. Not until December.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Sorry. I said, even if there's a heat wave in the summer, because we tend to have them once a year now, and then yeah, you go out gardening and then you burn and then you have ugly lines. Yeah, I didn't I didn't want that.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

But yeah, so I started using the sun beds for that reason, and I do use SPF on my face, so my face will probably continue to remain very pale, but it's just yeah, I've always easier to what we were talking about the other day with like beauty standards and like what's a really current topic at the minute was Botox, wasn't it? Yeah, so I'll go on the book. We were talking about that because I think I had my Botox done like a few weeks back, and I was basically telling Vic that I posted a reel like the next day, and I was actually just having like a really good um skin week and the light was hitting me right in the video, so my skin looked really, really good without any like filter or anything on it. I don't use filters, and I can't remember what I put, I posted up a reel, and then some guy commented on it saying like something like oh the Botox hit in then. Um, and it really pissed me off. He I'm assuming he said like because he was then suggesting when I commented back that like I couldn't move my forehead, and I actually can move my forehead, I just wasn't really expressing myself very much in the video, so it was like Go on, show us, prove it. There's minimal movement there. First of all, I was like classic, a guy commenting on a woman's appearance when it's got nothing to do with what's in the video. I was like, that's just really unprogressive. Like, are we still doing that? So that's what initially annoyed me. And then I guess it did hit a little bit of a nerve personally because I was like, yes, I get Botox because I'm not ready to accept my skin aging. Like, you know, that's I guess an insecurity of mine. Just like, leave me alone, no one's perfect. And it is a really controversial like topic because there's uh lots of celebrities at the minute as well who are backing off from you know using Botox and filler and stuff and aging naturally. I don't want to say gracefully, because I think that's disrespectful to people who choose to age however they want. Yeah. And I I absolutely love this trend, and I think this is exactly what we need so that people like me do feel like one day they can just be like, you know what? I don't need that anymore. Like I accept my self-aging. Because so far we haven't had that. We've never had, you know, celebrities, women portrayed who are aging naturally, like portrayed to be beautiful or gamorous. Like it's just that cultural, how would you word it? You know, we we live in a culture which still validates women on how they look, persexualizes them, and that's very much uh to do with how they look when they're younger, and as they age, they're kind of deemed, you know, not as attractive anymore. And we've seen some horrific comments online as well. I've seen some reels where celebrities have talked about a comment they've had about um comparing them to a film when they were younger and they were like 20 in the film, and she's like, I'm fucking 40 now, like sorry for aging. Do you know what I mean? Or comments on the on the red carpet and all this type of stuff. Who was the um celebrity? Was it Pamela Anderson who went completely like makeup free, ditched the Botox? Yeah, she's quite big on that.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

And Cameron Diaz is one of one of the women who is very strong on aging without any sort of in interruption to the natural process to say that. And yeah, I do, I obviously I do agree with that. That is still sadly the thing. I've had a few conversations with my clients who are well the same age as me. I'm 37, so we're now coming up to four. And I think that in the a little while ago, I I would have say, like maybe in the era or like the generation of my mum, that sounds like or feels like you are like an older person. Whereas I really don't feel like that. I think we do, like our generation, I think we we have definitely extended what it means or when it means for someone to be considered an old person. And I don't think it's based on what they look like. Also, we do have lots of different things, like the different tools available to us, both with regards to science in like skin aging and and like just the products and stuff that make us or allow us to extend us looking younger, like such as Botox and things like that, more readily available, I suppose, because they were available to older generations as well, but not as readily as it is now to us. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think that's like such a big dilemma that we can unpick today. And also, we started talking about this because of my lashes, because I was gonna get rid of my lashes because um I'd I didn't have the infill for ages. I've actually had a few people comment on my Instagram or like then come up to me because I nearly had no lashes at all, and some people People were like, oh my god, like you look so different. What is it? Oh my god, I've never seen you without lashes. I was like, remember this phase, because you're not gonna see it again. I literally have had lashes for like I think over 10 years, with the exception of lockdown. And then when Noah was born, well, he was born just after lockdown, but then there was a phase when I had to like switch uh lash decks basically um to find the right time slots and stuff like that. And um so basically this time round, I didn't plan for them to all fall out, right? It was a mistake, but it was the first time in like this entire 10 years where I felt like, do you know what? I actually feel like I'm not ugly without my lashes on. So before I'd had my lashes, and you do get like kind of really used to them, like you get used to your face and how it optically like changes what you look like, and then before, whenever I'd had no lashes for whatever reason, I just felt like I had no eyes, I just felt ugly, all that kind of stuff. Whereas now I didn't feel like that. I thought actually I look really nice without my lashes on, and I literally debated not having them done again. I remember I think I remember I even said to you that I I am going to tell my lash lady that if I die, she will do my lashes one last time. I'm going to the grave with my lashes on.

unknown 23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

And so, yeah, I think this is also what there'll be like a pile of dust eventually, and then just some like plastic lashes.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

Just the plastic lashes, yeah. Literally, also apparently your hair stays as well. Because I had this conversation afterwards with my lash deck, and she said hair stays as well, so it would just be a skull, some plastic lashes, and then my hair. It will be a lovely sight. Yeah. Anyway, what were we saying? Anyway, this has led us to think about having and recording this podcast because I do think that there is like right or wrong with like like having Botox. There's no right or wrong whether you have your lashes or whether you have your Botox or whatever, but I do think that like it should come from like not an insecurity thing. I think that you know what I mean. So I don't think someone should have their lips done, have their like fillers or um Botox or whatever, because they think otherwise they are of no value to like whoever. Yeah. I I see makeup and Botox and all these things as something I really like and enjoy. It's a little bit like art for me. Like I like what I look like, but like who wouldn't want to yield it and upgrade, right? Like there's nothing.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

I guess it's a similar bodybuilding mentality, like it's that idea of like sculpting the body and yeah, it's just like perfecting what you have.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Yeah. And I think I think also if you're just perfecting what you have, then you'll seek a more natural look rather than some people like go about actually trying to actively change what they look like. And then your your satisfaction rate is going to be different then as well. And then also like the like the dial, like how much you turn the dial and how extreme you go with stuff like this, is also going to be very different, isn't it? Like there are people that literally can't live without all their fillers and things like that, but they have changed their faces and so drastically, then it's almost like creating them a completely different yeah, that's not like themselves at all and just wanting to change it.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

No, I totally get what you mean. It's it's a place it's to come from a place where you can take it or leave it. Like, like you said, if your lashes all fell out, like fine. You don't like you're not the world's not gonna end like you don't think you're ugly. It's just that you prefer yourself.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

100%. Before I would have never filmed a story or a or a reel with my lashes off. You'd try and go do a podcast with me, I'd be like, no, sorry, can't go get my infills done first, no way.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

I remember trying to organize a content review, and you'd be like, nope, lashes are next Wednesday. Sorry, guys. I'm not how. I think no, I completely agree. And I had to sit and think about that, like I say, that comment online, which triggered me a little bit. I really reflected on that because whenever something triggers you, it's like, what's getting your feathers riled and why? Do you know what I mean? Like I said, one thing was that like we just shouldn't comment on how people look online, like completely fucking irrelevant to what I was talking about. And then secondly, I was thinking, okay, it also annoys me because yeah, at the minute I do feel better with it. I don't go crazy with it, but I think it's taken me my whole teens and twenties to come to that place of being at peace with myself. And then I remember getting my first grey hair like last year, and I did have a little bit of a meltdown. I was like, uh, I finally feel at peace and really good, and now I'm entering a new phase of life which is gonna throw new shit at me to come to terms with. And it wasn't so much about how I looked, like a few wrinkles or a few wrinkles. It was what what bothered me was like I didn't feel ready to age, like I didn't feel ready to accept that I'm getting older because I spent so many years. I guess I I regret those years that I wasted, like having disordered eating. I wasn't living life fully at all. I wouldn't change it, but I I did spend a lot of my time not living my best life to be quite blunt. So I think the aging, the physical aging, just made me feel anxious. Life's moving fast. And do you know what I mean? That that was like where the uncomfortable feeling came from. And it was almost like if I can just as you say, like mentally, mentally I'm like 25, and if I can just hold on to that mentality for a little bit longer, it was more of an acceptance, I'm not ready to accept life is moving really fast. That was what I worked out. It wasn't the wrinkles itself, it wasn't the grey hair itself. There's nothing wrong with an odd gray hair. Like it was, it was like a my way of okay, let's just like try and slow down time a little bit. That's what I came to the conclusion of. And I think um I'm in a really happy place right now, and I think eventually I will feel comfortable to be like, do you know what? I don't need that. Side story though is Botox is really good for clearing my skin because it obviously reduces how much you sweat. So that's actually why I re-booked in. Because I was like, why do I keep breaking out on my forehead? It wasn't because I saw wrinkles. I was like, why do I keep breaking out? Like, I sweat a lot in the gym. I know that. We all know how much I sweat in the gym. So that was what made me book in and think it's just nicer to have many, many, many. When you're exercising a lot, you're sweating a lot, you don't want to wear makeup. That was what actually led me to book in. But I'm quite happy to be like honest with that realization because some people do want it obviously because they just don't like the look of wrinkles and whatever. I realized it was a fear of life passing quickly feeling. Yeah. Which is something that I just need to obviously work on myself. And let's be honest as well, although like the there's this new trend of celebrities, people in the media aging naturally, that's happened in like the last six to twelve months. We've grown up for the last I've grown up for the last 34 years, not with that role model. So it's not like in six months you're gonna be suddenly changing how aging is perceived. Do you know what I mean? Like it's a very new, like that's not what we've grown up with. It's a little bit like changing how you see yourself and your body. That doesn't happen overnight. But I very much like this trend and I very much look forward to the day when I'm like, yeah, do you know what? I don't need to book in again.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

I think I like the trend because, like you say, like we've been seeing all the artificial beauty and people not aging and whatever. So it's nice, and that's quite an extreme. I think that's a very extreme thing to be shown for sure. So it's nice to be seen the other end of the spectrum as well, on celebrity. It's like the exposure, isn't it? Because the things you see every day, not that like anyone's like anyone's hundred percent aiming to be like Cameron Diaz or Pamela Anderson, and also not that people are 100% aiming to be like Kim Kardashian, but like being exposed to both ends of the set spectrum then allows you to, or I suppose urges you to find like maybe your middle ground as well, rather than just seeing like only that one extreme is the acceptable option. So then this way people are presented like two different options as opposed to only one as like to have.

SPEAKER_03 30:57

Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

You know, I think at the end of the day, every individual is on their own confidence journey, and that's a lifelong journey because we will go through new phases, new challenges, and how that person chooses to work through that is totally individual, you know. So that's why I only if you know, if there are women out there who are older than me and they do feel like so tied to Botox and filler and like it's something that they can never let go, like that's not to judge, that's to empathise and you know, hope that they continue that journey of trying to be okay without it. But I think that's also what it just comes down to, which is what a lot of the end of our podcast come down to is to live in a society which has more empathy for other people that they're all on their own journey.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

Yeah, I think also I think beauty and fashion is a little bit like art. Like everyone and art is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? Like everyone will have different tastes, everyone will have things that they prefer on themselves, everyone has different budgets as well, and and that's going to, yeah, that's going to be creating a world of different options and they're all okay. I do just think that we need to maybe think about so if someone is feeling like their whole identity or like a big percentage of their identity relies on like how much work they get done, or like if they're not able to leave the house without makeup and things like that, like how I was before, then I do think that perhaps there is um something that they need to work on deep down so that it's something that they enjoy and might still get done, such as makeup or like me with my lashes, but it doesn't keep them hostage because that's what I used to be like. I used to didn't leave the house without makeup, like absolutely no chance. Same like I said with my lashes, like I wouldn't be able to do my videos if my my lashes weren't like done. And I think that yeah, there's just levels, like there's levels of like, yes, I'm detail-oriented, I want to make sure that my presentation is up to the standards, whatever, because of work, or you know, some people are just like that well put together, and that's okay, but you should still be able to be confident enough to be able to leave your house without makeup if like something happens and you need to pop to the shop or like you're going on a dog walk, like you don't need a full makeup wear the same with the gym as well, right?

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Yeah, it comes back to that principle of you you can take it or leave it, like you say. If you really like the full clam look or more work done, because as you say, it's a creative thing and you like playing around with your looks, like absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. But it comes back to like you don't have to have it in order to leave the door. And I think this comes up a lot in fitness because obviously in the gym we're sweating a lot. Um, a lot of girls I used to be this person. A lot of girls feel like they can't go without a full face of makeup or like foundation and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

I mean, I look better with it. When I've got time, I'll do it. But when I don't, I just go no makeup. And there's yeah, I think that's what it is, isn't it? And again, if it's hurting your skin, you should be able to not wear a makeup to the gym because you know it's bad for your skin, so that your skin can actually improve in the in the long term, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 34:24

Yeah. And that again comes down to like uh your your your sense of self-esteem. And um I remember going through that phase myself. I went on Roaquitane in my twenties because I had quite bad acne. And that's when I was in my phase of, you know, I wouldn't go to a gym about makeup. And then you go through, you know, phase of needing to keep it clean and just having to bite the bullet and not wear makeup. And you do like it feels like the biggest thing in your head is worrying what other people think. And it's so funny because like now, obviously, I know like no one gave a shit, but it's like the biggest thing in your mind, and I so I totally relate to girls who feel like that now, it's that fear of judgment, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 35:04

Which comes up from and it's also perspective because I've had really, really bad skin as well when I was a teen, like hideous, and I remember like when you have a spot like right on your forehead, right? And you can't do anything with it, you've put like so much makeup on it, but it's still sticking out, and then you just look at yourself like this. This is how you look at yourself, and then try. Yeah, and that's all you can see, and then you're walking around, and then you're actually sweating because you know it's right there, and all you can think about, but other people, um other people aren't like looking at you like this, and they're also not staring at the imperfections on your skin, they're looking into your eye, right? They're looking into your eyes, and that's what their focus is, and their focus is on what they're talking about with you, not like staring, like yes, if it's like an absolute savage spot right in the middle of your face or nose, like it's probably it's probably in in their eyesight, but they're not gonna be like talking to the spot, and it's not going to reduce the value of a conversation or whatever other value you have to give to that person, or like even if you're not giving actual value, like your value as a person is not going to be downgraded just because of what your skin looks like.

SPEAKER_03 36:25

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Yeah, I think no, it's so right. Like even if they do clock that you've got a massive spot, it'll stay in their brain for like two seconds and then they won't think about it. Like, yeah, yes, they might be able to see it, but that's it.

SPEAKER_02 36:39

Like, yeah, everyone's had sports, and everyone knows how shit it is to have sports, and everyone knows that it's just a thing and that will go.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

But that also comes back to the beauty standards, isn't it? Like, we are bombarded with perfect skin in the media, so that doesn't help really. Like, we're not often shown. No, but have you looks like have you actually ever met someone with like a glass skin?

SPEAKER_02 37:03

That's currently the trend, isn't it? Have you actually met anyone? I've never seen anyone in real life. No, I've never seen anyone in real life with hair that they have in the L'Oreal adverts. Unless you've just come out from the salon, because I've had fucking hair like that after a hair salon, right? It's all dried, it took six hours, and my hair is actually probably gone down in quality because it's been hair-dried and straightened so much. But it looks amazing for about an hour and then the wind comes and then all that.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Mine doesn't even last. It's just it just doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

Doesn't last it just doesn't exist. No, but all of these, all these commercials, yeah. All these commercials, they're just I think what I've learned, I've learned a lot through doing a lot of my own photo shoots or our photo shoots, like through the years. I think, and this is one thing we often say when we're promoting the shoots as well, by the way, and disclaimer this is not an ad because we don't we don't actually have a photo shoot at the moment, but it's when you learn what goes into creating those images or those videos, right? Like how much prep, how much prep you do with your hair, your makeup, how much the the professional lighting matters and changes like what someone looks like on camera, how much the camera itself like makes things look different. Then you start to realize like what you're seeing on TV in pictures, it's just I mean, you know it's not real because people are telling you it's not real and you've heard it, but you don't actually understand until you see yourself in that light and you keep practicing it and realizing it, like that's I mean, I'm sure there are some people who understand it anyway, but for me, that is when it really hit when I've started doing the same stuff. Like I can see myself through this lens now, and I look like I've got fucking perfect skin. I'm like, I know that's not the case because if I look in the mirror and I start to look at myself really close, like my skin, my my face is not like that, you know. But in this night, because I've got my ring light on and with this camera and with the makeup I have on, like I'm like, oh my god, like I've got really good skin. But in real life, that's not the case. And I think those things are very, very important to remember. Yeah, yeah. Because you're you're aiming for body vote. Oh yeah, for sure. You're aiming for a you're aiming for an unachievable goal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Yeah. I saw a really good post the other on Instagram um because obviously it's quite a trend at the minute to get like the hero's pictures, and um a girl did a really good post, can't remember it was Noah Coach, on she did a comparison of the professional photo where she was captured in good light and like was tensing her muscles and looked athletic, and then a picture where she was just standing slouched, didn't look so athletic, could see cellulite, and it's like the same day, it's just two different shots and on different cameras, different angles, different, like one's moving, one's not, and all these things. I thought it was another way of highlighting really nicely how how that impacts that because that's such a trend at the minute to get those pictures. Yeah. I don't think I had anything else to add to that, to be honest. I feel like um we we've gone quite in depth there. Is there anything else that came to mind? I don't know. I'm I'm gonna have my lashes done later.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

And I need to book in for my Botox. I think I was thinking a little bit about what you said about how you were like wanting to slow time down and stuff like that. And I did go through obviously I've moved countries, so I feel like I'm, although I'm 37, I do feel like I'm not actually 37. I've always felt a little bit behind because I I feel like when I moved to this country, the settling phase of like actually learning the language, like finding friends, like actually not working in a disgusting job and like working up like in jobs and studying where I am who I am. I feel like I've lost a few years there as well. But luckily, may maybe, maybe about 10 years ago, I felt like I was behind a little bit. I don't feel like that now, but I don't have so although I do feel like I've I've lost some years, I don't feel like I'm behind, and I don't feel like I have this like urge of or like fear of aging. I definitely, definitely want to use all the tools to my taste, and my taste is more like natural to be able to slow down my aging, but like I don't feel like I'm freaking out about it.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

I don't know why, it's obviously a good thing, but yeah, you're a few years older than me as well, so maybe that's also come with time. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you've done I I don't know, maybe I were and you've gone through all of that.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

Uh yeah. Do you think that maybe you don't feel like you are where you want to be yet? And that's why you're feeling like not that I am, like I don't feel like I've arrived, you know, but no, because I feel like you'd be where I should be.

SPEAKER_00 41:59

It's just um all those years in my twenties where you should be like, you know, hot girl summer, living your best life, taking banging pictures, um taking all the experiences, traveling and all these things, I was like, I feel like I did not do that. I was very much limited because of my self-confidence, my eating disorders. Um, I was quote unquote behind in comparison to other people, like because of the recovery, I had to take literally a couple of years off life. So whilst I was going back to uni, my friends were graduating, bike houses, getting a job. So I was always a few years behind in that sense. I don't feel behind. I don't feel like I should be anywhere else. I don't feel like I should be married with two kids right now, content with where I am. But I do feel more and more now that I'm feeling like my best self, I also feel like a blink and a week has gone. Do you know what I mean? Like you're just so busy, you've got more friends, more things in a diary, like more events to go. Like life it just moves faster when you've got so much on. And I think I was like, Oh, I just need to just need to slow down. I just need to enjoy where I'm at before I then focus on my next phase.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

And I have to deal with this shit. No, okay, fair one, to be fair.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

Do you know what I mean? Fair one.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

I do think yeah. I do get that time goes really fast. That could that's the same for me. I do think like, how, yeah, how are we here? How do I have a five-year-old? He's literally five next month, you know, just things like that. And that sort of stuff. When I say, Oh my god, I have a five-year-old, that does make me feel old. Like, that makes me feel old. But it doesn't I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 43:40

I mean so, yeah, but you're I was I was just thinking of my mum. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

I was just thinking of my mum, because I was then gonna say, but uh, maybe it's because my mum has aged so, you know, naturally and graceful and she was all fine with it. And then once I s I told her that she's gonna be a grandma, she was like, Right, I'm growing my hair out and it's now all grey. She didn't give a fuck. As soon as I said, right, I'm pregnant. She was like obviously crying and all that. And then instantly was like, I'm growing my hair out. No problem. And then I was then going to say maybe it's because of that. But then your mum is someone who's aged gracefully. It's not like she's like uh a really, you know, trying to pretend she's not her age type of person.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

No, I don't think it's anything to do with other people, it's just what and what they're doing or role models or anything like that. It's just me. And I was gonna say, I think your 30s are entering your 30s is a really weird time because you're not old, but what you enjoy doing starts for ch to change typically, like your values start to change, yeah. Responsibilities typically increase, and that transition can make you think, oh shit, I'm getting old. And you're not old, it's just that how you spend your time, your values, these types of things, like you might not want to go out getting drunk every weekend anymore. And that can make you feel like, oh, I'm old now, and you're not, but it's a very it's that transitional period, isn't it? In like your early 30s, I think.

SPEAKER_02 45:01

Yeah, I fucking love it though, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 45:03

I know, but what I'm saying is, I'm not saying I think at first when I entered my 30s and I started to realize like I just don't want to do that anymore. Does that mean I'm not fun? Do I mean like I think that I did go for a little phase like that? And I think a lot of people actually do. So that probably, you know, thrown into the mix, maybe. Yeah, maybe I get like my knees are working well again, I can train how I want. I feel great. So I feel mentally I'm 28. Because the joins, joined. I can't say the same for my knees, but we move. We move quite literally. Well, I think that's a good point to um wrap it up there. So yeah, I hope I I hope people just related to this because I think what we're saying is quite like just honest and relatable.

SPEAKER_03 45:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

I feel like, you know, I've quite literally said I'm human, I still have that to work on myself, and I've said why, and that's something that over time I'll, you know, accept. And there's no right or wrong, as we said, but as hopefully we can all get to a point of the beauty standards that are projected onto us, we can take it or leave it and know that we're okay without it. I think is obviously what we said is the ultimate goal.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:13

So yeah, hopefully, hopefully this is relatable. And I definitely think we need to get a skincare like cosmetic person in because I'd love to learn where I'm going to be wrong, or I I don't know. I just love skincare. Give us more tools, girls. Just give us all the tools in the box. If my money doesn't go on coffee, it goes on the delicious smelling creams, and it's just an obsession that I have.

SPEAKER_03 46:38

You do it, I just love feeling moisturized. You know what I mean? No, I know what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 46:47

I'm just uh I'm just a very I just like a couple of things and then I don't like to get like light light, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

I've got you to do the research.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

To be fair, I've got you to do the research. Yeah, I've had so many female clients over the years like tell me their skincare tips and like, oh, you should try this or vitamin C. So then I really like trying new products and seeing which is best, but it's a slightly indulgent habit. But um let's wrap it up there. We'll get a skincare person on for you guys. Umway, we hope you found it helpful and relatable, and we shall be back soon with another podcast. I've got someone lined up who is an Olympian athlete, who is one of the most confident people I've ever met, like the most her energy literally is so patchy. She won the Olympia last in figure and fitness. So I'm getting her lined up. I think she's just I can't describe it. Like if you're in a room with her, you just feel really fucking good. And then you've got your eye on a few people as well who you're trying to get on. Yeah, hopefully we can bring you lots of different stuff.

SPEAKER_02 47:49

So, should we wrap it up there? Yep, we'll see you guys in the next one. And make sure to follow it, like, and share this episode. So you give us some love back, please. Bye.