Building Resilience: Heidi Marler on Overcoming Life's Challenges

 Resources

Beyond the Stage by Heidi Marler - https://amzn.eu/d/0eND9kiH
Fully Pumped Gym - https://fullypumpedgym.com
Heidi Marler Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/the_bikini_mermaid?igsh=cWU1dDJ6eHI5bGQz
 

Summary

In this inspiring interview, Heidi Marler shares her journey of resilience, grit, and determination through her bodybuilding career and life challenges. Discover how she overcame a life-changing accident, cultivated mental strength, and stayed committed to her goals despite setbacks.

 Key  topics

• The role of grit and resilience in achieving goals
• Heidi Marler's recovery from a life-changing accident
• The importance of mindset and internal dialogue
• Balancing physical and mental health in bodybuilding
• The significance of intrinsic motivation and purpose

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Grit and Bodybuilding
01:49 Heidi's Journey: Overcoming Adversity
08:39 The Mindset Shift: From Aesthetics to Longevity
12:43 Finding Your Why: The Role of Grit
16:47 The Process of Recovery and Preparation
25:46 Achieving Goals: The First Time on Stage
31:09 The Importance of Process Over Outcome
33:40 Understanding Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation
38:16 Knowing When to Push or Rest
41:58 The Unique Experience of Grit in Women
42:06 Managing Overwhelm and Staying Present
51:53 The Role of Coaching in Competitive Preparation

Keywords

Fem Talk, fitness, health, mindset, women empowerment, 75 Hard Challenge, social media, sustainable fitness, mental health, self-discipline

Follow us on Instagram: @femme_coaching_ @Ella_femme_coach @kaylesclarke @Victoria.mandi

or checkout our website: www.femmesociety.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome to Femme Talk. This is Vic Talking, and I've got with me Heidi Marler, who is the author of Beyond the Stage. She's a two-bose pro, overall bikini champion, a lifetime natty bodybuilder, a coach and posing coach at Fully Pum Gym. And I think I could call her my friend as well. Hello, Heidi.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hello. What a lovely introduction.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

It's always really weird to hear one's achievements like said out loud. And it's like, oh, actually, I did do all these things.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

That's 100% what I was just thinking. Yeah, when you put it like that, oh, that made me feel really proud.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Yeah, you should be.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

So today I have Heidi here because we want to mainly talk about grit, as she is quite deep into prep, and I think bodybuilding and bodybuilding prep is a very, very good example of grit itself. However, Heidi has also gone through some other serious things in her life which shows grit in my eyes. So I think, yeah, you are a really great person to talk about it and get your opinion of what grit is. And for our listeners out there, whether you are bodybuilding, whether you are a lifestyle client, whether you are, you know, just someone who is listening to us because they want to improve their um mindset, grit will be very, very useful to learn about. So to start off with, and this is something that we prior to our discussion talked about, is that I haven't, like I've obviously known you from Fully Pumped, but I don't quite know your background of how you got there. I haven't read your book, but I know snippets from it and of it. And I think if we are about to talk about grit, one of the probably most difficult times of your life would have been when you broke both your knees. So can we talk about that? What's happened, where you were, how your recovery was, and how are you still bodybuilding with two completely having broken knees?

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah, I think actually, probably where I am now in terms of bodybuilding is I think probably my accident was almost a catalyst for where I am now. I think I've always had the typical redhead traits. I've always been quite driven, I've always been quite stubborn, I've always been somebody that if I want to achieve something, then I will see it through no matter what. However, I think that when you go through something quite life-changing, and I'm sure there's many people that can relate to this, when you go through something quite significant in your life, whether that be a loss of somebody or close to you or an accident of some sort, I do think that it takes you to a different level of um grit and also resilience. Um, and I think you can really see where you can pull that motivation from when you've been through the lowest of the low. Yeah, how it all came about, I I actually haven't been in the fitness industry professionally for a huge amount of time, only a couple of years. But bodybuilding has always been, it's been a passion for as long as I can remember, to be quite honest. I have always sort of since about 12, 13, been going to the gym, but not really with much of a purpose other than kind of just changing my body. And I think a lot of the time that's how unfortunately a lot of people get into going to the gym, you know, they want to, they're not happy with what they see in the mirror. And it for me, it was purely aesthetics, you know. I didn't have any interest in the gym for my health, really, at that stage. I think it was growing up, it was I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, and then so I wanted to lose weight and I went to the gym. So there's always a hobby outside of my work, but my work predominantly growing up was hairdressing. So I actually trained as a hairdresser from school, and then I used my hairdressing to travel. So I've done a lot of traveling through my twenties, and that took me to an island in the Caribbean called Grenada, and this will all make sense in a minute. And this is where my accident happened.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

I know, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Yeah, so this is where my accident happened. So I went out there to essentially to work internationally with my hairdressing. Um, two weeks in, I was getting a lift to a music festival on a moped, stupidly, but it's one of those countries, slash islands, where it's kind of normalized, you know, it's a new place, and uh you see it a lot in places like Thailand, you know, people hop on mopeds and things all the time. So it's just their method of transport.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

Yeah, and uh Yeah. I was just um I was just on the on the way here with Josh, and then um he was asking me about you and the conversation we're gonna have, and she he instantly said, I'm washing Thailand or Bali or something like that, because yeah, that's the kind of place where something like this would happen.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Totally. And it's funny, I've never ever got on a bike before. First ever time 10-minute journey, and yeah, unfortunately came off the bike and broke both my hotellas, so both my needs. Yeah, quite a pivotal moment for me. I'm not gonna go too much into it in terms of the accident itself, but I think um what I would say is I was going to the gym before that happened, and I'm so glad that I was because there were so many things in my recovery that I needed my strength for, such as getting up to go to the toilet. If I couldn't have done a tricep dip, for example, I wouldn't have been able to get onto the toilet. My legs were straight, you know, they had to be kept straight, no bending, obviously no walking, had to learn to walk again in a wheelchair for the first few months. And then I think that really hit home that training for me gave me more than aesthetics because I lost aesthetics within minutes, you know. I didn't know if I would have my legs as they were before ever again. And I thought, okay, now this is really training for a different purpose. This is now one from something that was very visual and kind of surface level for me to now, okay, this is actually about my longevity, and what am I gonna now need to do to make sure that I can live the rest of my life well, you know, with my injuries?

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Yeah. And at this point, you haven't done any bikini shows yet.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

No, that was still.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

And were you did you have that in mind? Sorry, did you have that in mind as a goal whilst you were training, or you were still just doing like aesthetics but not specifically for shows?

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Yeah, I never really had it as a goal. I was very aware of the competitive side of bodybuilding because actually on the island they had a small show every year. It was a bodybuilding show, and I did go and watch it twice. And I remember sitting in the audience thinking, wow, I'd love to do something like that. But it always remained just I'd love to do something like that. And then as time went by, I obviously left the island a couple of years later, once I was recovered, and I'd kind of continued my work and got back to a good frame of mind. And uh I was actually training with somebody, a PT in just an upfield gym. I was having a few PT sessions, and the personal trainer that I had, he said to me, Would you ever think about competing? He said, You've got a really good structure for patini. And it was almost like at that moment it just opened up that kind of desire that I had in me. And I thought, Oh, okay, I've got that kind of go-ahead from somebody who believes in me. And then yeah, that became my my focus, I suppose, if you like. And I thought, well, what better way? I mean, if I could achieve that after everything that I've gone through with my knees, then that would just be incredible for me.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Yeah. Just going just going back to a little bit to like your recovery, because you're kind of smoothed over that. From what I hear, you were completely on your own in that island as well. So not only the the injury and the accident itself is difficult to recover from, like you say, it's taken you mums and obviously required a massive mindset shift with regards to your training itself or like how your life was going to be at that point, but you were also completely on your own. So, how did you, first of all, did you find the mindset shift easy, or was it just like you have no choice, so your mindset is just shifting towards like recovery because that's the most important point at that point? And how did you find being on your own and doing it all on your own?

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yeah, I think initially when something like that that happens, you do go into a bit of a fight or flight, and you just you just get through it, you know. Obviously, it was incredibly, incredibly difficult, incredibly isolating, a lot of panic, a lot of stress. Um, more so the kind of the mystery of how I would recover and when I would recover, you know. I think you're I was told the extent of the injury, but I didn't really know what that meant for me later on in life, whether it would be that that would hinder me from walking, whether that would be I'd have these um injuries or long-term effects forever. And I think it's just that kind of underlying anxiousness of the worry of what will what's next, you know. But I was incredibly lucky. I had a lot of support from people that actually um I'd only met very recently on the island and came to to visit. And my mum flew out actually a couple of weeks later, and she bought me a wheelchair because the hospital over there didn't have one uh that was appropriate for my legs, which in itself is a very, very, very strange scenario. But we made it work, we made it work, yeah. I think being on your own, you have so much time to reflect as well. And I think possibly that was where I kind of built my resilience, really, because I know that I can get through that on my own, then I'm good, you know. I'm good with hit me, life hit me with whatever you want to.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Yeah, yeah. Literally, I've actually got one one of the questions that I've prepared around grit was when you hear the word grit, what does that actually mean to you? And do you think that's something you're born with, or do you think that is something you build? And I think this is starting to kind of outline the response to that, isn't it? Because, well, I'll I'll hear your thoughts and then I've kind of got a little bit of an opinion on that as well. So what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 11:10

I think it's a bit of both. I think everybody has something inside them that they can pull out that is there, and I I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but I still refer back to it, which is your why in your life, you know, what motivates you to do what you do, what motivates you at your lowest to drag that part out of you. Um, and I think everybody has that. I think sometimes it takes a while to find that. And I also think that sometimes life events like this can be really pivotal for discovering your why. I think it's very easy to go through life kind of not really, not really feeling that you have that grit or that resilience or that willpower or whatever you want to frame it as determination. But I think everybody has it. I think it's just that, like I said, you find it along your life path in different ways. And by those events or or struggles or hardships, that's when you know you can pull it out and you can identify it, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah, and I think those those those events are often really difficult, negative, almost like a hole you're in, and you have no choice but to get the grit out, you have no choice but to climb out. So sometimes for people who don't know whether they have it in them, um, and it it doesn't really come out until they get into like this really deep hole, is it, where they have no choice but to get out for sure. I agree with that. I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

And I think as well, it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to mean that you have to have awful experiences in your life to find it, but it means that actually if you do, which everybody goes through, use those times to reframe what that means for you. You know, use those times to say, okay, what did I learn about myself from this? What can I what can I recognize in myself to really use that to bring me forward for growth and another purpose?

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I was also going to highlight like how you talk about your recovery from the accident and how how you know you just said you made it work and you had you obviously had no choice but to make it work, but you did. But some people would have potentially have had a very different mindset, you know, because not everyone has a let's make it work kind of mindset, and a lot of the times people can kind of get into the more of the victim mindset, I think, which isn't helpful. Of course, you can choose to get out of it or you can choose to stay in it. It's very clear that you didn't choose to stay in it, which is why you are where you are today, isn't it? But that is so I talk to my clients a lot about an the internal dialogue that people have within themselves, and that is something that's so important because it controls how your entire life is, because you can be in any situation and see the best of it, or see the solutions for how you can make things work, or you can be in the exact same situation and then just um sit there and wallow in your anxiety and the fears and the victim mindset and feel sorry for yourself and not move from A to B at all. And I do I do get and I fully agree with you saying that there is grit inside of everyone, but it's gonna come down to that internal dialogue and that internal mindset of whether and how long it takes for them to get it out of themselves, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Yeah, 100%. And I really like actually, I really like that you do so much work on that with people. And I really notice that through your posts and your social media, especially how you know you always you always kind of display that you can you can see two sides to things and there's always an option, you know, you can and it doesn't mean that you have to disregard any sadness or discomfort or pain, because you can do both, you know, and I think for me it's really important to like, you know, when you're going through really tough times, sit there and kind of understand your feelings and say, Yeah, I feel really awful about this. This is terrible, this shouldn't have happened to me. You know, I don't deserve this. But then also in the next breath, what can I do to make this better? What where can I go from here? What are my options, you know, on a practical level, but also, you know, on a mental level, um, and and have acceptance for both is important.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Yeah, for sure, for sure. Like recognising and honouring how you feel in the moment, isn't it? And then just like you say, instantly with the next next breath, starting to look for solutions because the longer you're spending time just feeling sorry for yourself, the longer you're gonna be there and not move forward. So let's go back into the story, shall we? You you left off um saying that you've recovered from that and that you were working with a PT in Nuffields, and that person kind of, I feel like gave you the validation to a dream that you potentially already had, sort of deep down, and then he's given you the validation that maybe you could do that, and that's lit the fire to then go into bodybuilding.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Yeah, so uh I think the most memorable kind of moment for me is before I started in a gym environment, I was hairdressing, like I said, I was housekeeping. Uh I worked for a few private housekeeping jobs in London, and I remember as soon as I got into work on those cleaning jobs, I stuck a podcast in, and it was always about bodybuilding, it was always about competitions and competitive bodybuilding. And there was a couple of girls I followed on social media who are very like OGs now in the day, and I don't think they do it anymore, but um, they were kind of my inspiration. And same thing at lunchtime, I'd sit down, I'd eat my food, I'd watch YouTube's on people competing. At the time it was UBF, no, sorry, UK BFF, who which is a federation that's not so not so popular anymore, is it? But I think it's still going. But yeah, and I would watch bikini competitions and it would just be something I was doing in my free time all the time. And I kept it quite quiet, to be honest. So I never really spoke to anybody about it. My boyfriend at the time, I never really spoke to him about it. But as I guess I started to speak to more people about it, it started to become a bit more real. And when I could kind of plant the seed out loud, it made me realise okay, it's getting easier to talk about. I think it's a huge thing. If if you've got a big goal, or potentially the goal is something that is a little bit different or maybe a bit controversial, I don't think so much anymore. But especially when I first started wanting to compete, I don't really think anyone kind of knew particularly what that was in my environment. So it would be very difficult to explain that. I think it's different when you work in a gym or you know, you're around people in the fitness industry, but when you don't, it's quite a strange concept. Um, so but yeah, the more I started to kind of speak that aloud, the more I realized, okay, it's kind of I could accept it more as a goal. Um and then yeah, I started to just train towards it. Like I said, I continued with my PT sessions. Um, I prepped with the guy who my very first prep with the guy who encouraged me to do it. Um fortunately, COVID hit and I my show got cancelled four weeks out. So my very first prep and I was absolutely peeled and I didn't get on stage. But again, same thing. That's such a difficult thing as well. Yeah, it was really testing, really testing. But again, I just hoped and had faith that one day it would happen for me, and it did. And I created during that time, I created a ring binder full of notes and a little diary to my future self. And it's not something I often do. I wouldn't say I journal, I don't particularly write a diary, but I have had times in my life where I've felt that I've wanted to, and that was one of the times. And and I stuck some pictures from my peep week, and I stuck some pictures from my check-ins in there in my bikini, and I I wrote to myself underneath I said this would have been my show day, but I didn't make it. But one day I will step on that stage and everything will come together, and it's just a matter of time, and I've just got to keep going. And that's exactly what I did. I through COVID, we were in London in this in the small flat that we lived in, and every single morning I got up before work and I took my bands outside. And through rain or shine, and it was rain, because I remember many times I was out there and it was raining, and I did my workouts and I printed them off and I logged to them just as if I was in the gym. And I thought I am getting through this and I'm getting on that stage and I'm rehabbing this knee. And I look back now, and although it felt like there was no hope, it felt like really honestly, how am I ever get to where I need to be doing this? I just knew one day it would pay off. Um, and I think that's the lesson I take from it, and anybody else listening as well, is that your effort compounds over time, and sometimes you don't see any, even mentally, sometimes you could be stuck in the same rut doing the same thing and feeling quite negative about it until it's not, you know, until that effort one day you look back and everything has been worth what you've put into it. But time passes anyway, it always passes, so you need to make every day you know count towards that goal.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Yeah, for sure. I guess I guess in coaching we tell people to trust the process, right? And that's kind of similar to what we mean by that as well. So some weeks you won't see the scales shift, some days you don't fancy going to the gym, but you just get your session. Done anyway because you know you have to. And COVID was a very difficult time for that as well. In general, I think even if you went four weeks out from a show and feeling completely not just peeled, but you know, hormones all over the place, and then disappointment on top of that, the fact that you haven't made it, you've been training, building up to this big moment, which is difficult to come away from, even if you've stepped on stage, regardless of results, anyway, isn't it? Let alone not having stepped on stage and be in that situation. I can't even imagine. And then lockdown on top of that has just been such a difficult thing. I think with exercise and nutrition for many people, as we know, because you know, the amount of clients I've had post-COVID saying that we've got, you know, 10, 15, 20 kgs of COVID weight to lose, or just generally like getting people back into a routine after all those months of not doing anything. And I actually remember that was my boom for online coaching of how I started transitioning to online coaching at the time. So I did do I did do online coaching, but it wasn't that popular at the time, especially not for lifestyle. It was for if you were competing, but not so much for lifestyle. And so my existing in-person clients, I've moved to an online system. And I remember, I can't tell you how many times I've said the same thing to them, the time's gonna pass anyway. So you might as well make the best of it. If you've only got bands, do a workout on bands, and you try as a coach, make that as versatile and interesting as you possibly can, you know. But yeah, that is what it essentially came down to. Like, my job was to keep those girls on some kind of a routine and keep them exercising with whatever they had going on so that they they do stay in a form of routine. I did home workouts on Instagram every morning, and I think I did like amps and glutes, like alternating every other day, and that was only a half an hour, but just so that people can wake up and do something positive and then go on about what they did. And I think those are the little things that really did matter and kept people going, really, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Yeah, 100%. And I know that you'll have heard this, but um the the kind of concept of imperfect action I love as well because again, it's kind of knowing, okay, the sometimes the circumstances aren't great, they're not perfect, and it doesn't mean that you have to do everything, but what can you do? You know, can you okay, you don't feel like doing this, but can you just go for a 10-minute walk for your mental health? And it's kind of it's that sort of there was a lot of pulling that out through that time period, wasn't there, of really trying to just get people to stay afloat, really.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Yeah, I think especially during the first lockdown when we had no idea how long everything was gonna take, what's real, what isn't real. And I think that's probably one of the reasons why people got into or made the mistake of not doing anything to begin with, because they expected it would only last a couple weeks. So they thought, okay, I'm not gonna bother. So they took it as a holiday, and then the longer it went on for, the more they kept on thinking, I'm sure it's gonna be over soon, I'm sure it's gonna be over soon. So it's the complete opposite of what we did and said, time's gonna pass anyway, so you might as well make the most of it. And they were like, Well, it's not gonna last very long, so I'm just gonna do nothing. And then here we are, what the first lockdown was three months, four mums, something like that. I can't remember. But it was months that passed, and you know, people were just at home drinking instead of actually doing anything, so that's the complete opposite, yeah, for sure. Yeah, good times lockdown. I hadn't talked about that in a while. It was good times because we had the best summer ever, didn't we? I remember that. Oh, we did have an amazing summer, to be fair. We were really lucky because we lived in a house where the garden was absolutely insane. So the the tan was tanning for sure. Yeah, that was good, but um, right, let's move on. So, why don't we hear about the first time of how you got to actually achieve the things that you've so hard worked for throughout all these whirly up and down life life things that you you wouldn't think like our generation, you just wouldn't think of the shit we had to survive already, right? Like how?

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Yeah, it doesn't feel real. It's it sort of feels like a bad dream, doesn't it? But it's a story to tell for sure, for anyone that's got kids or grandkids, or it will be anyway. Um yeah. I think actually, I think that the fact I had had quite a few of these setbacks, I completely detached from the outcome and I started to focus on the process. However corny that sounds, that's what happened. I started to build my strength and work towards this goal for not for the goal itself, but for the joy it brought me and the strength that it built mentally day to day. And I took the pressure off the end goal and I thought, okay, you know, when it happens, it happens. For now, I'm just gonna give it my all. I'm gonna enjoy every day that I feel less pain in my knees. I'm gonna enjoy every day that I have a bit more freedom in my life because I can walk and I can run at some point, you know, I could do lunges. I remember not ever being being able to do a bodyweight lunge and thinking, I I hope one day I can do that. And just again, little wins throughout the process. And when the time was right, I found a new coach, Amy, who I'm with at the moment. Uh, she's an online coach, and we did our first prep together. And I just focused on, yeah, I focused on giving it my all. Were all my ducks in a row? Probably not. I think I had a lot of work to do mentally still, but at the same time, I spent a long time in therapy, which I know um we've spoken about in previously, haven't we? Myself and yourself, and how much benefit that's had for both of us in our lives, but I think for me especially. I spent some time working on other things in my life as well, and I think that helped me achieve that goal, in all honesty. I think that helped me achieve it. Did I ever see that happening? No. Was it my dream? Of course. But did I ever think that that was gonna happen? No, I was shocked, I was completely shocked, and I stood up there. But for me now, I think that's probably the biggest achievement of my life so far, and I feel just really grateful to have got up there and done it, and nobody can take that away from me now. So, yeah, no, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

And I think I think you know, listening to your story, although that was the first time you stepped on stage, because it wasn't your first breath, you have already done so much of the mental and obviously physical work that requires um an athlete to do well on stage. I think a lot of the times, especially if it's a beginner athlete, um they they are in a very different mindset to what you just described, even though at this point you had worked so hard and for so long for not just to be on stage, but obviously to do to do well on stage, even if that wasn't your main goal. And that's one thing that I say to my athletes, especially if they're beginners, is don't do it for the trophy. Your why should be something completely different. Because to go stand on that stage, do all those months of gruelling work, and we're not even just talking about the 20-week off prep weeks of prep, it's it's goes way longer and further than that, and that's just the physical and your diet and your training because the mindset side of things also so important, like to build up your confidence, and again, we're not just talking about poison, which is also incredibly important, but to build up the confidence to be on stage, like how you need to, and you're not faking it, you have to like have have a that that the right mindset for it, and you've done the work, even though that was your first time on stage, you know, and that just shows that that is stuff that the judges aren't specifically looking for, but like they say they're looking for the whole package. But you can see that in a whole package when someone stands there tall and proud, they have no idea how they're going to pay place. Yes, physique and bikini and the look is right and the posing is right, but there is just that like aura about someone when they stand there proud of themselves before they get a sword, before they get a medal, because they've done everything. And I think one of the things that allows you to do that is knowing that you've done your best throughout the prep, and then just them being proud of that, which is what you were describing, really, that you just wanted to do the process and just finally be on that stage, and that's how yeah, that that I think is a very big key to do well on stage, isn't it? As well, which is really ironic. Like, you don't want to do well on stage, you don't care. Of course, you want to do well on stage, but you don't care about the outcome and you just focus on the process instead.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Yeah, I think it comes down as well. It's so it's so true. I think a lot of it comes down with competing to which I speak also to my clients about is the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. So intrinsic being that you are doing what whatever goal it might be, you're doing it for something internally inside you. And if nobody was watching and nobody saw you doing it, you'd still do it. And then there's extrinsic motivation. So, you know, doing it for the rewards, doing it for other people noticing, doing it for the people in the gym saying, Oh wow, like you look great, doing it for your ex-boyfriend who said you could never do it. These are all extrinsic forms of motivation. And unfortunately, what happens is if a goal is driven by that form of motivation or just only extrinsic, then it tends to never unveil. Or if it does, it's very it doesn't last, you know. So I I think a huge part of any goal actually, it doesn't have to be competitive bodybuilding, it doesn't have to be the stage, but it's it's knowing that you've set it for you and there's a deeper reason why you want to achieve it, and then you will always see it through because you're not relying on any external validation, and it also means that when you do see it through, despite the results, whether you get a trophy, whether you don't, whether people come to watch you, whether they don't, it's still you've ticked that off your bucket list and said, I've done that, and I don't care if anyone saw me do it, but I saw me do it, and that's what matters.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

Yeah. And the work was still worth it, but the sacrifices were still worth it. Right. Yeah. I'm trying to think of some of the questions where I've got millions of questions, but where would one of them fit in here? Oh well, one of them says about self-talk, but we've already talked about that. Oh, I know this is a good one. How do you know when to push harder and and how do you when to rest? This is a very good question again for whether it's lifestyle or bodybuilding. We talk about a lot um in coaching. What's your opinion?

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Oh, you know, do you know this is such a difficult question because I I think what it all boils down to is how well you know yourself. Because to know to be able to make that judgment for yourself, and often this oftentimes this is why it's helpful to have a coach and communicate well with that coach, and they're a second opinion, or they're you know, they're gonna help you to make that decision. But if you don't have a coach, you're totally relying on making that decision from a place of is how can I phrase this? I'm really gonna choose my words carefully here. Is this coming from a place of resistance through mindset? So am I telling myself, I'm actually tired, I don't think I can do this, or I don't have this in me. Is that a place of resistance because you are fighting something more mental? Or is that a place of I am genuinely fatigued, exhausted, I have nothing left in me, I can't give anything to anyone else because I need to give it to myself, and this is a form of self-care, and to be my best self, I've got to prioritize myself. That's different. So I don't know what your thoughts are on that as well.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

No, I love that explanation, and I do think that this is one of the most difficult things to know for yourself, because I agree you have to really know yourself, and there's there's just a lot of layers to it, right? So if we're talking about training, nutrition, I think your response is really great, but also this is where people have coaches or this is where you track things because loads of physical things can come into this, right? Because me as a coach, whether I like the way I know whether I should push someone more or whether I should let them rest physically is gonna come down to how long they've been consistent uh with their training for, are they in the deficit, how much of a deficit, how long they've been in there for. So then you're looking at all those physical signs of fatigue, exactly what you just described, right? And it's still, as a coach, much easier to decide because I'm looking at data, right? And that's just numbers and data, and I am not feeling the fatigue, I'm not feeling the pain, and I'm not feeling that person's lifestyle and all the other stresses that are on there. Of course, with me as a coach, I will be looking at stresses and during the weekly check-ins, you know, I will know about whatever they tell me about, but I wouldn't know it all. So that's how I make a decision. And sometimes I think it's easier to have someone make that decision for you, right? Because it's easier for them to just just see like the data clear. But if you're experienced enough and you can track your data, then you can do it for yourself as well. But even then, I think, especially as a female, if we take into account your hormonal cycle and your monthly cycle, you then have to take that into account as well. Because we had this conversation many times where I'm generally the last four years pretty body confident, don't track anything, I'm fine, like I don't really worry about stuff. But usually there's one or two days in a month where I wake up or like for whatever reason look at myself and just be like, maybe it's time to diet, and then I'll go, let me just check what time of the month that is. And then I'll be like, Yeah, five days out from period. Ah, that's fine. I'll just come on my period and I'll be I'll be absolutely fine again, right? And that's the same, like it affects you so much mentally, but then I can do that now because I'm so aware of it because I've done bodybuilding for so many years and I know exactly how my body works. But if there are people out there who don't even know where their cycle is, because it's just comes and goes, you know, well, I've got tampons when I need them, so I'll just sort that out, but you don't know when it's coming, then it's so easy to just go by those feelings when you're tired, so much more easier to be more emotional about other stuff. It's yeah, there is just so much that goes into that for sure. And I don't think so. Again, if we go back to training to you know when to push harder or when to actually rest. So if you think about just a set or like how far somebody can push themselves in a set, right? If we're talking about let's push someone to pay failure, that's gonna come with practice. We know this because the more trained somebody is, the longer they've trained for, the more they're actually able to push themselves physically. And I think that's kind of true with someone's like mindset as well. So the more you've learned to push yourself through adversity, the more you learn grit, the more you're able to push yourself further when you need to go. Whereas if you uh that gritty or you haven't got that skill yet, it might be a more intelligent decision to step back and relax or take a rest day or allow yourself mentally to recover and be kind to yourself and then go again. Because otherwise, if you push too far, that's when uh that's that's when shit hits the fan, really, isn't it? That's where people go from all or nothing. So that's a very different answer for everyone, would you agree?

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Yeah, a hundred percent. I completely agree with you that it's a skill, isn't it? It's a skill to be able to interpret your own emotions and your own mindset, you know? And like you said, you've got, as me and you, we've all got our emotional bias, um, and only one head but different voices in it. So it's very, it's very difficult. But I do think that the better you get at that, the more resilient you can be. And resilience and and grit and all of that under that umbrella doesn't always come with more is better. It actually comes exactly what like you were speaking about with knowing when to pull back and when to push forward in your life, and that's gonna be so dependent on so many things lifestyle, you know, how you work as a person, your personality, your limits as well. Everyone is completely different on that. And I think also I guess it's a good time to kind of just say as well that you're on on your own path, you're on your own journey. So it's very easy to compare to others or see somebody else pushing on when you think, Oh, why can't I do that? Or how come they've achieved all of that and I can barely, you know, get out of bed in the morning some days? And just to kind of realize that everybody is on their own path, and that as long as you are giving your best when you need to be, that's what's important as well.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

Yeah, I think I think in some ways it's down to the person as well. Like only you know whether you had some more to give or if you didn't. Even a coach won't be able to tell you because we will never have all of the information. Like, you'll tell me if you've done all your workouts, you'll rate your workouts, you log your workouts and stuff, but I don't know whether you've actually pushed yourself, or like how many reps have you actually left in the tank that day? Like, only you know whether you've laid it all out on the table, right?

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

Yeah, I love this conversation. I knew our conversation's gonna be so good. We just love to geek out in the in Fully Pump as well during our little lunch break, haven't we? We've had many a podcast, haven't we?

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Many an unrecorded start of a podcast.

SPEAKER_00 41:47

Yes, and now, yeah, literally. I knew I had to bring this to you guys as well because it's gonna be a good one. Um all right, let's get one more question. Oh, this is a good one. What is the one sentence or one thought you tell yourself or repeat in your head when things feel hard?

SPEAKER_01 42:06

Okay, things feel hard one day at a time. If that needs to be broken down till one hour at a time and then one minute at a time, also that works. I think something really easy to do is catastrophize things if things feel difficult or if things feel overwhelming, or if things feel challenging. I am not afraid to admit that I am somebody who gets overwhelmed extremely easily, and I'm quite an anxious person with busyness when there's a lot going on, when I have a lot to do, and I have to remind myself every day to just try and be in the moment or in the next hour and commit to what I can do in that hour or in that day, and tomorrow is another opportunity, but to just try and bring myself back to the present. I don't think it's a quote as such, I don't think it's a sentence, but I think it helps me and I think would probably help a lot of other people as well. It's very easy to let your mind spiral into a million and uh one other things. Kind of reminds me of like a spider diagram where you have one thought and then it stems into a hundred other things, and then by the time you know it, you're somewhere else and you've almost catastrophized that that one thing or that one thought. And yeah, I just try to gain a bit of perspective as well. I try to think about the the kind of the size of importance of my thought or my problem, or in the grand scheme of everything else in life, in my life, in life in general, and I try to zoom out the lens a bit and look at really, you know, the significance of that thought, and that kind of grounds me a bit. So although it's not necessarily like a rule I live by, it's something that I just try and try and do with all of my thoughts, really. How about you?

SPEAKER_00 44:10

No, I love that. And funnily, I um I've just had a similar conversation with Ella and she tells me a lot that I'm very good at compartmentalizing or like drama or other like bad stuff that I need to deal with or have going on to just get on with tasks that I have to get on with. And I think the reason for why I can do that is exactly for what what you just described, is because I just take things one thing at a time, and that's how my brain works all the time with everything. My diary, with like all the other things I have to do, like all the commitments I've got, you know, when your life gets really busy, and the reason why those things don't overwhelm me is because I just wake up, look at my diary, right, this is what I have to do today. Of course, like there's things you have to plan for, but and then I'll have notes for those for the days before. So I I'll have that. But it's like this just be in the presence. If I have 10 million things going on at one point, and that's exactly how my brain is like, that's by the diagram, how you how you um describe that. You have loads of different things, and you could worry about them, but I've got this one thing to do which is going to get me started. Then I go, when you can pull the put computer screen in and you just put it in, and then just focus on that. I'll get that done. Okay, what's next? What's next? And I think that's probably also why I have about 10 million to-do lists as well, because I know so everything in my life in my brain is kind of broken down to like it's got allocated times. So, like um, on a Monday, I do in-person PTs, XY, you know, certain times, and I've got to do home stuff before I arrive there, and I've got an hour to do lunch or like um laptop work, whatever, and I just focus on that, and it's like times 9:30 till 10:30. This is what I'm doing, fully focused. Then after that, this is what I'm doing, fully focused. I'm really good at doing that, and I'm really good at doing that with like other stuff as well. Even when I work from home, there's so many things you could get distracted by or worry about or think about that you have to do, and I'll just go, no, Tentil Three or Tantoel Two, whatever. I'm on the laptop, I'm doing that one by one. And I think being in present not just allows you to appreciate and enjoy life so much more, but it allows you to waste to not waste time worrying about stuff that A, you can't do anything about or you don't have to do anything about yet, and um yeah, it's just a waste of time. It's just a waste of time. I try, I actually am not really a worrier, I'm a complete opposite. I don't really get anxious because I see that as a massive waste of time, and um I think my brain just instantly, as soon as I find myself worrying about stuff, just instantly goes to look for the solution. So the only time I would worry about stuff is whilst I'm thinking about finding the solution or what I can do to do something about it. That's it. If if the if there isn't anything I can do about it, I'll just go right, can't do anything about it, it is what it is, we'll move on. And if there is something and I find the solution, I'll just get on with doing what I need to do. I think that's incredible. I guess that's my answer.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

I am in awe though of you for that because I've always noticed that about you as well. Um, you are so grounded in the way that you live. And and again, that just shows two completely different personalities, doesn't it? But how we both deal with things is quite similar in a way. But I've also heard about people speak um on other podcasts and things about like if you are someone that is a worrier, scheduling time to worry, which it sounds the thought sounds strange, but it works, you know. Like you said, pull pulling yourself up on it and then just saying, okay, that's fine, we can worry, we can catastrophize, we can overthink, that's fine, but we need to do that at 6 p.m. tonight, okay, not now, because now we have something to do, so let's schedule that worry, and then generally by the time 6 pm comes around, you're a little bit over it because it was just a thought that you know didn't really materialise, and you've got something else to do at 6 pm, so you never end up using that worry to work. Like that. But yeah, um, is however's best for you, I guess, isn't it? But yeah, you are fantastic at that. And um it shows as well. It shows. And I think for you, I hope so it's really nice for your clients to be able to kind of feel inspired by the way that you manage your own mind as well, because I think that shows, like I said, and for me, certainly, I see that in you, and that's really inspiring for me to see that you're able to do that, and you could be somebody I could learn from to do, you know, to kind of upskill myself in that way, um, and to wrap your brain on a to be fair, you're doing it, you're doing it, you're doing the exact same thing, it's just your brain works differently, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 49:21

And I think I love the scheduled worry time, I just love that. I think that's brilliant. And I think that goes back to having to or being able to honour your feelings as well. Like, you don't have to rewrite yourself or change yourself. Like, if that's how your brain works, that's how your brain works, and you have to honour that. And I think there's always ups and downs for being the way I am and being what the way you are, because you will be so much more detail-oriented because you spent an extra two hours worried about something that I've probably spent a half an hour thinking about, and I found a solution, and that's the first thing to do. So I sometimes wish that I was more of a worrier because I sometimes wish that I thought about all those tiny little details that my best friend Petra, for example, she's like that. She is an like she knows she's an absolute nightmare with how much she worries and how much she lets herself like go overboard thinking about stuff. But she is probably one of the most detail-oriented person I know. And she will she she's amazing at like arranging an event and like all the tiny little things for the decoration and stuff like that. She's helped us do decor and food for one of our photo shoots. And I remember working with her, like getting a phone call, like especially leading up to it, about stuff that I wouldn't have thought about, and getting a phone call every day. God, what should we do? Should we do about this? Like this, like this, but literally talking about and sometimes I would I would pick up the phone and just be like kind of going into overdrive, listening to her, um, and thinking the whole time, oh my god, this is so stressful. And then what she pulled out of the bag was just I couldn't even imagine that. That was just insane. So there is always ups and downs to that, and yeah, it's funny, it's the typical curly hair, straight hair thing, because personally I do love how peaceful my life is in my head, right? But sometimes I do wish that I'd worried a bit more around the tiny details as well. So I guess we can both try and learn and channel each other in that way, can't we?

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Absolutely, yeah. You are spot on, and yeah, you've got to take your strengths, I guess, you know, for what they are, and we're all we're all different, and that's the beauty of it, isn't it? Yeah, use it as inspiration. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 51:40

Alright, well, to uh sort of start conclude this podcast, as we are now on an hour of us recording. I would like to say you are what four, five weeks out from your next show? Five on Tuesday. Five on Tuesday, how exciting. How are you feeling? Everything is on point, you're happy with how everything's going. Yeah, I feel really good.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

I've felt the best this prep that I have ever felt, and I think uh I've never I've never gone into a prep with expectations, but I do think like anything, the more that you do it, and the more experience you have with your own mind and body. I am coach, that's important. I've worked with my coach for three years now, and the more that you work the longer that you work with somebody generally, the better you work together, and it's really allowed me to be able to let her take the reins with kind of zero worry on my behalf. And I think again, that's a huge part of having a coach, whether you're lifestyle or or competitive bodybuilding. I think being able to kind of hand that worry over to your coach or hand decisions, it doesn't have to be concerns but decisions or an emotion over to them and disconnect or try to disconnect that part of you and let them do the coaching feels amazing. And um, I've really tried to do that over time around, and I think it just as we kind of touched on before, it gives you a little bit more mental energy to play with before other things so you don't spend excess time overthinking about the process of stuff, and that's the dream, isn't it, in life when you can just kind of hand it okay. Yeah, you tick the boxes, you do the work, but then with the rest, you hand the decisions to somebody else, and they say, Here you go, this is what you do next week, and you do it, and then it's repeat, you know, repeat from there, and it's yeah, it's just peaceful so much more peaceful. Yeah, decision fatigue is huge, so yeah, it's been uh it's been really good so far, touch wood. But thank you guys.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

Yeah. Well, we think, or I definitely think you look incredible for sure. I haven't seen you obviously on your last prep and what you look like. I've only seen pictures, but you definitely look incredible, and I am very excited to see you every week. Keep changing. How are you gonna get on? I want to say I'll wish you luck, but I'm gonna see you like in two days. So, every one of my listeners, I'm sure, wishes you luck. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to link below this podcast your Instagram handle. We actually haven't managed to talk a lot about your book, but I will really want to have you back on a podcast. So I think maybe we'll we'll uh dive deeper into that. Um, if we do it maybe after your shows, it might come really handy because we can then talk about post-show, which is what the book is about. And yeah, for now, I just want to thank you very much for coming on here. We hope that the listeners have enjoyed our wise chat, and um yeah, they'll be able to find you via order handles below the podcast if they are interested in following you on. Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 54:57

Thank you so much for having me. I will just say as well, this was a bit of a pinch me moment because before I started working at Fully Pumped, I'd followed you for quite a few years, and I used to fangirl a little bit. No, and you don't know this, actually. I thought I just tagged this on the end. And I followed you for quite a while, and yeah, I really fangirled. And when I realized that you were PTing out of the gym I was about to start working at, I had one of those moments where I thought, well God, I know I know this person, but she doesn't know who I am. But I've followed her for years, and now I'm really overwhelmed. I have no idea. Yeah, and now I'm on your podcast, and it's one of those moments where I just um it's yeah, it's a bit surreal for me because I looked up to you for a very long time. But there we go. That's the secrets out of the bag.

SPEAKER_00 55:46

That is so cute. I did not know that. That is so cute. Now that's a little bit surreal for me. Someone's banger with me, no way. That's so cute. I love that. I love that. And now we're friends. Look at that. That's cool. Well, thank you for that at the end. You made me a little bit emotional now, I'm all red. Luckily, I've got like makeup on me. But um, yeah, well, guys, guys, that is a bomb show she dropped, and hopefully you enjoyed it as well. And then we'll see you in the next one, okay? Bye bye.