Femme Talk

Overcoming Eating Disorders & Finding Joy in Training with Ella and Laura Bardsley

• Femme • Season 2 • Episode 7

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:08:43

 Guests: Lauras Barnsley 

Find her on Instagram @laurasbardsley

Youtube: https://youtube.com/@laurabardsley6205?si=vvapGpEv4qWX-rOz

summary

In this episode, Ella and Laura share their personal journeys through fitness, overcoming eating disorders, and finding joy in training. They discuss mental health, the importance of a balanced relationship with exercise and food, and how sports can be tools for self-discovery and confidence.

 key  topics

Personal journeys in fitness and recovery
Impact of sports on mental health and confidence
Balancing training, nutrition, and mental well-being
The evolution from competitive sports to enjoying fitness
The importance of community and support in sports
Managing expectations and pressure in athletic pursuits
The role of therapy and self-awareness in recovery
Shifting focus from aesthetics to capability and fulfillment



Keywords

Fem Talk, fitness, health, mindset, women empowerment, 75 Hard Challenge, social media, sustainable fitness, mental health, self-discipline

Follow us on Instagram: @femme_coaching_ @Ella_femme_coach @kaylesclarke @Victoria.mandi

or checkout our website: www.femmesociety.co.uk

SPEAKER_02

Hi guys and welcome to Femme Talk. It is Ella today, just myself from the Coaches, and today I am joined with Laura Bardsley. Hi, Laura. Hi, Ella. Are you okay? I'm good, thank you. Very, very big welcome to Laura, who is a long-term friend of mine. Just yeah, athletic legend. We all you'll hear all about her in a second.

SPEAKER_00

Um classic legend, that's kind.

SPEAKER_02

I was trying to find the words to describe what the level that you're at. Um, that's kind. So I wanted to bring on Laura because like I say, we are long-term friends. There might even be people who follow us on social media who followed us from the very beginning when we started our social media accounts at university together.

SPEAKER_00

Isn't that crazy to think how long ago that was, by the way? Like we did social media in Inverted Commerce long before like it was like a thing to do, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we had the actual OGs, we just never got famous from it.

SPEAKER_00

Um we're just still stuck on the same follow account.

SPEAKER_01

Still blaming the algorithm.

SPEAKER_02

No jokes. Um, smashing it. So I wanted to invite Laura on because we have had a very similar journey in many ways, and also we're now doing very different things. And um FEM is obviously all about empowering women through fitness, um, you know, getting stronger, healthier, fitter in whatever the capacity that means to the individual. Laura really um demonstrates that to her core as well. Um, so maybe you could first of all introduce us fully, kind of yeah, what you do in terms of coaching and also your sports, um, and then we'll go from there.

SPEAKER_00

Perfect. Well, thank you for having me on. I yeah, I'm also a coach. I used to work with, I guess, more like lifestyle fat loss clients, but more recently, over the past sort of like two years, have shifted over towards um more like endurance athletes, mainly triathletes who I work with, the majority of the athletes I work with are triathletes, whether they're doing their first triathlon or they've been doing it for a few seasons. So yeah, I mainly coach triathletes. Um I work online. Um and yeah, I I absolutely love it. Um, like I said, I used to work with more fat loss clients, helping people get into the gym, helping people get h healthier, and and ultimately that's that's the most important thing about what I do. Like, yes, I work with athletes and a lot of their goals are you know really, really impressive. But the most like the the underlying thing that is the most important thing is helping people be healthier, happier, more confident. And I think, and we'll talk about this more as the podcast goes on, but I think challenging yourself in those in those ways is ultimately the the best way to become that confident, happy person too. So yeah, that's what I do.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I love it. Um so very similar in our styles as well. We work with different types of people, but that overriding concept really aligns, doesn't it? Yes, absolutely. Now, me and Laura, as I said, go way back to uni. I'm sorry by the way, I would normally say this at the beginning: if you hear my cat come on the podcast, she does like to get I'll apologize in advance for my dog as well.

SPEAKER_00

He's here, he's asleep currently, but if he wakes up, we're mums now.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we're about to make some noise. So, what was I gonna say? Yeah, we obviously met at university where we weren't the healthiest, happiest people. Uh was really the beginning of our introduction into the fitness world, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, did you want to maybe say a little bit more about that rather than me?

SPEAKER_00

Of course. Yeah. So I mean you know what? I feel I feel like I've not spoken about this in so long. I think we used to speak about it quite a lot, and it's it feels like it almost like a different life, which is which is nice because it just shows how far we've come. Um so yeah, when I was well, I was first diagnosed with anorexia back in what 2009, I think. So mine was even before university, before we before we met, I was I was struggling with my eating and um was quite ill going into university and I had periods of thinking I was sort of recovered and then falling back into sort of sort of poor habits. Um yeah, we we met around when when did we meet? In 2000. So what was our first year of uni? I can't remember the uh we started in 2011. So in our first year of uni. Yeah. Yeah, we were in we were in the same halls, but we didn't we weren't really in like the same friendship group, were we? We didn't really we knew all of each other. Well together, but not and then how our how it all worked out was that I I changed basically I because I think because of where my mental state was at the time, I went to uni, had started a certain course, and then halfway through that course was like, I don't like it, want to change it. Really, I I didn't want to even be at uni. I wanted to, I didn't I didn't really didn't want to be there, but um decided to change courses. Um and then obviously you had a year out to recover from your illness, which then left left us being in that in that final year of uni together, which is where we became the best of friends, which which was nice. Um, but yeah, so I I struggled with anorexia for yeah, on and off for about ten like I want to say like ten, eight to ten years.

SPEAKER_02

It was it was uh um it's a grey area to say when is someone recovered, isn't it? Because you can physically be recovered. Mentally takes so much longer.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I think that that's that's like when I went to uni, like yes, I was recovered because I was at an NHS healthy weight, so and that's what they deemed as as recovered, but obviously because it is a mental illness, it was you know, mentally you can't like quantify whether whether you're better. Um so I guess that's why mine was so on and off. Uh I say on and off, it was always on, but there were times when it was worse than than others. Um so yeah, that was a a crazy time in my life. But I guess we we we sort of bonded over like the gym. I'd sort of started getting into I think you messaged me when you were on your year abroad, and maybe you'd see I'd be posting on my Instagram or something that I was like training, and I think I was sort of getting into like the bodybuilding world at that time. Um I think you'd message me, maybe even asking about like doing a training session together or something like that. I think that's how we started and some ideas. Love it. Yeah, I think I think yeah, I think you did. And I think yeah, we started going to the going to the gym together and doing all sorts of crazy lists, which we look back on now thinking, why why are you doing that? But it was good fun at the time.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I just remember we because we ended up due to our eating disorders which overlapped at the same time at uni, we ended up taking a year out, didn't we? To uh to get better. We took a year out abroad because we were both studying languages, and then we came back into a new year group where we didn't then know people because they'd already graduated the year before. So I remember thinking like I remember seeing you on Facebook going through the same stuff, and I was like, oh, like I am gonna know someone next year, like you're gonna be there. Um and then like I think it all started with a gym session classic. Um, but then we ended up going every single day after uni, didn't we? Walking to the gym together and training. I can remember just sitting in the library, like planning out our disgusting leg sessions, like how much we're gonna fuck up our legs, basically.

SPEAKER_00

It was great, it was good times. And around that time as well, we were both thinking, well, we don't want to use our degrees for anything. So we were then looking at how we could become personal trainers, and I think at that time as well, like we just sort of mentioned at the beginning, we were like posting stuff on social media and we had our own website and we were like doing various different we'd sort of like sort of talking about recovery because it was something we were both sort of had been going through, were going through. Um, and we'd both started to realise how important sort of strength training and getting stronger in the gym and looking after ourselves, how important that had become in our recovery and like I guess finding that self-love again. And so we we were speaking out about that and something that we had realized because it was gone.

SPEAKER_02

I was just gonna say, because as we said, this was a time where, without sounding like really old dinosaurs, Instagram hadn't really kicked off. So you didn't have all these women weightlifting, talking about, you know, take up space, be empowered, don't focus on how you look focused. Like there was none of that really at the time, was there?

SPEAKER_00

So we were just sort of like the people we, I guess we were surrounded by. We sort of knew a few people who were into the gym, and it kind of so we were lucky that we were surrounded by that. But yeah, it wasn't like a thing on on social media, you know. People obviously people were posting, but it was more like you know, bodybuilder people.

SPEAKER_02

It wasn't like uh blogs for crying out loud, this is how old we are. Like we blog. Do you remember we wrote blogs? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

We used to write blog posts.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

We were great.

SPEAKER_02

We were called them with M I Hubble S. Yeah. Because we're fit. Anyway, so yeah, that's where we um our fitness really grew together, didn't it? And then after we graduated our PT qualifications and then entered the work fitness industry.

SPEAKER_00

Which was wild. Starting in, I mean, I started practically as a treadmill cleaner, hooverer, shampoo topper, upper in the changing rooms. Like that's where my fitness career started off, which at the time felt like such a backward step. And I remember feeling so like shit about myself, like seeing all my other friends going off and being, I don't know, lawyers and being like all these amazing jobs, and we were like, yeah, co so I'm a and working, like being how many years at university? Five years at this point, because our course is already full, and we added on an extra year or whatever. And then so it just almost felt like we were so far behind. Well, I did anyway, felt like we're so far behind.

SPEAKER_02

This is a slightly different topic, but I think it's so valid and worth talking about because there's so many people right now who want to be coaches, you've got new online coaches all the time, and they just expect with you know all of these narratives that are out there to be earning 10k months and like all of these crazy things. And it's like hang on a minute, like you you you have to start from the bottom and work your way up.

SPEAKER_00

Like, I'm sorry, but I don't I don't think many enough people yeah, I don't think enough people are prepared to do that as well. And then again, without sounding like we're ancient, like online coaching wasn't really a thing, like it was just starting to become a thing. I remember I got my first coach when I started bodybuilding, it was in 2016, because we obviously we finished uni that year, and then I thought like I'm gonna try competing, and that's when I got my first coach. Oh, really around that time, like it wasn't it wasn't like the thing to just go be an online coach, or if you were then you'd been in the industry for years and years. Whereas the yeah, nowadays, like you said, you know, there's courses on people out there.

SPEAKER_02

They just go straight to being an online coach.

SPEAKER_00

They just go straight to being an online an online coach, but yeah, at the time it felt like I felt like I just really disappointed my parents because I was like, we've paid all these thousands and thousands of pounds to go to university to then be like, Oh, I'm just gonna go sweep the floor in the gym. Like do a glorified cleaner in the gym.

SPEAKER_02

Exact same emotions at the time. I remember coming home crying one day because I was just like, I've worked for the last however many years to get a degree and I'm cleaning, I'm literally cleaning people's machines after them and putting their weights away and doing all these crazy hours on minimum wage. Um the hours were crazy. Yeah, the early starts or the late shifts, and it was very demoralizing, I think, is the word when you've done a degree because you get sold this idea of, oh, if you go to uni, you're gonna get a fantastic job and you're gonna be well paid this middle class life.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I'm sure had we gone down the route of using our languages, I'm sure that would have been the case. But I think it was because and I again I don't this might just be me, it might be you as well, or but after my university degree, I just was so bored and so over like doing that, and I just wanted to do something completely different. So I'd spent all these years, not that I hated union, there were so many good things about it, but um, I just spent all these years doing this thing. I was like, I don't even enjoy it that much. So obviously, then we'd found this passion in fitness at the time, and I was like, I'm good at this, I'm passionate about it, I love it, I want to help more people feel the way I'm feeling. And I guess that was the start of when I first yeah started coaching. And I guess that that message still stands now. It looks slightly different, but you know, helping people feel their best, like not necessarily look their best, and I don't really focus on that quite as much, but more so just yeah, helping people be the best versions of themselves. And I feel like that comes with like challenging yourself and doing hard things, but then like physically hard things in the gym or um yeah, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I think that's we saw that quite early on, and I'm glad we went with it and didn't think, oh my god, I'm sleeping floors, I can't I can't do this and gone and done something we we maybe didn't enjoy quite as much. Yeah. That's gone off on a tangent, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_02

That's another conversation from nowadays, isn't it? So um I wanted to kind of pick your brains. You mentioned you went into bodybuilding and yeah, maybe you could talk a little a little bit more about your experience bodybuilding and then where you are now, because obviously that's very different.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh. So yeah, like I said before, I think I did my first bodybuilding show was it 2016, 2017, I think, just after we finished university. I remember it so well because I'd moved it back in with my parents at the time. I feel like obviously, like with bodybuilding, you know, the the calorie counting, the prepping of the meals, like the the weird concoctions of meals that you make, and it it for someone outside of bodybuilding, it kind of looks a bit strange. So I remember moving back at my parents and doing all this, and I think they probably were thinking, like, you know, is she ill again? Like, what's up? But then I think they saw like just how much I was eating because you know, you have to obviously have to fuel your body when you're when you're doing bodybuilding, you've got to fuel it, I guess, in the the right way or whatever. So, yeah, that anyway, that was a bit of a weird time. But anyway, got into bodybuilding, did my first show in about 2016, 2017. I I loved it, I absolutely loved it. I loved going into the gym like five times a week. Felt I felt probably my strongest that I've ever felt as I was, you know, doing my bodybuilding preps. Um I I didn't think that well at the at the time and until now, I don't think it, you know, um my my eating disorder didn't like come back. I didn't feel anywhere anything like what I felt like when I was obviously anorexic and ill and had a negative relationship with food. Um I know that bodybuilding can get a bad rep because like people can develop eating disorders off the back of it, but I found it was quite the opposite because like I said, I I knew I needed to fuel my body in order to lift the weights in order to be strong. And I think that understanding of of food and like that you know it was nothing to be scared of and that I can fuel my body in a certain way and feel feel really good, that actually helped with my uh that really helped like recover me. I I felt I think you know, looking back, there was now I can still see parts that still needed work, which I think is you know, from doing my triath on now, I think that's really helped me like you know, nail down my recovery and feel feel my absolute best. But um, yeah, at the time I really enjoyed bodybuilding. So I did I I can't remember how many shows I did, a qualified for British Championships. Yeah, I think I did my final show at the end of 2018. I think that was British Champs that year. And I think I just got to a point where I was just um it was more that you know, I I loved the the prep and I loved the whole process of it, but I was just bored of you know losing loads of weight and being a certain size and then gaining it all back and being a certain size, and I hated that constant changing of like not knowing where I stood with like my body shape and body size. Not that I disliked or liked myself at a different at any points in my in my journey. It was more just yeah, I just was bored of the whole losing loads of weight, gaining loads of weight. I just wanted a bit more stability. Yeah, I just wanted a bit more stability.

SPEAKER_02

Very up and down. There's little time for one. So that's it, that's exactly how I felt after bodybuilding. I started bodybuilding after you. I think when you did your last season, I then started doing my first season. You started, yeah. Yeah, and I again I loved it. I loved the the big goal, having that focus, having that drive, really pushing really hard in training. And um, I just thought it was really cool how you can literally sculpt your body to I like it's kind of like an art form. And then as the years went by, I kind of felt the same. It's very mentally and physically exhausting, always changing body shapes. And like you, I never had an issue with um I think we were both very smart when we went into bodybuilding. Like you say, lots of people do go into it when they're not recovered. We were, we weren't per no one's ever perfect. Of course. Um no, I never never had any, you know, poor relationship with my my food and my body going into it. Um that used to actually really annoy me when people like the odd comment online being like, oh, you know, it's a form of control.

SPEAKER_00

Masking, yeah, masking eating disorder, or yeah. No, my relationship with nice. Better than it, yeah. And exactly that I used to get people, oh, she needs to sweet a burger. And I remember because my I could, you know, I dieted on quite high calories. I worked with great coaches who, you know, wanted to look after my health, all those things. And I remember being like, no, I still eat enough food, probably more than most girls eat normally.

SPEAKER_02

Um, you know, they only look at the the comps, they don't look at the off-seasons where you're eating 4,000 calories and it's like, mate, I've got no issue with food. Like no issue. Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00

And yeah, I think that there was there were some times. I remember in my final season, I think there was a time where I like sort of reverse diet out of the show, gained quite a bit of weight, as as you should do, and as I always wanted to do to be healthy, but I think there was a point where sometimes that would, in my mind, I would think I would be uncomfortable in it and would take a couple of weeks to get back to being comfortable. Um, but I just, yeah, there was a couple of times of that period of like discomfort that I didn't that I didn't like, and that's when I sort of realised, right, I don't want to go through those periods of like, oh, like I don't not that I didn't like my body and not that it was like a an eating disorder or anything like that, but there was just yeah, some discomfort in my body when I was sort of transitioning out of my shows, like a lot of bloating and that sort of thing, and I just needed a bit more stability, yeah, it's a lot. So so yeah, that's and yeah, so that at the end of 2018 I decided to to stop that, and I think that was the year that I did my first ever triathlon, and just the high that I got. It was I guess it was kind of similar to you know, when you're on stage and it's such a high when you're on stage in bodybuilding. Um I I got like such an incredible high after doing this triathlon, and I was like, this is just so cool, like it's just so much fun. And that was when I did my first triathlon, and I was kind of hooked, kind of hooked from there. And then I think that that's when I realized that I needed a you know, I I'm one of those people and and like you, very competitive, love a challenge, like want to feel challenged physically, mentally, and yeah, that obviously bodybuilding gave me that for a little bit, and then when it stopped giving me that, I kind of looked for for something else, and that's where I sort of fell into endurance sports and and triathlon, and that's been that's been it ever since.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and then I went into CrossFit, everyone just again needed something different, something new.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah, we've kind of gone through similar journeys at different, slightly different points, haven't we? Um yeah, I think um, you know, as well with with a lot of sports, there's only so long you can do it for until you just need a change. If you're doing something at a high level that's physically demanding, you can't do it forever. And you know, although we did bodybuilding as healthily as we could do, it is at the end of the day not particularly healthy to get stage lean repeatedly. Um I think for me, I also felt at the end of bodybuilding. I was a bit tired, I was a bit bored, I was like, great, another off season, another deadlift, like give me something needy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um the constant up and down and never just getting to enjoy my body at one weight, um, which is what I've done ever since I've left. I've really enjoyed being just one weight. But I felt I think I'm a little bit different to you in a sense of I just felt mentally burnt out from being that like big goal, high achiever, push, push, push, go, go, go. I just literally felt like I remember just thinking to myself, I just want to be a normal person who just comes to a gym for a workout and leaves, and maybe they don't push very hard that day because they can't be asked, but that's okay because they're not gonna go on a stage, or maybe they fancy an extra rest day, and that's okay because they're not gonna go into a A comp and I caved like whereas you've gone into like different types of competitions, which are obviously so cool. I've kind of actually told myself I need time away from doing anything competitive. I really actually really enjoyed it and really needed it. I'm in a very mellow phase of my training now where it's I do what I need to and I do what I enjoy, so I do enough to stay fit and healthy and strong and I'm progressing. But I um I'm very happy just quote unquote being normal. Um I I really craved it, I can't describe it. It was a really weird time for me around when I hit 30. I was like, I was like, I just want to go lay in the park and rest and not go exercise.

SPEAKER_00

And it's that's what I've found with triathlon, though, is because obviously it's three sports, so you've got, you know, there's variety there, and then not every session that you go into, it's not always gonna be like a hard session. Well, as you know, when you go into the gym and you're bodybuilding, you're like, right every six reps, six reps last week, I'm gonna do seven this week, or you know, I maxed out those range this week, I've got to go last week, I've got to go heavier this week. Whereas, yeah, with triathlon, you know, you one day you've got a yeah, hard swim, like say you've got an easy run, and on at the weekend you've got two, yeah, so it's a two-hour ride, three-hour ride, whatever, but you know, you can go out with friends, you stop for a coffee halfway round. So even though I I almost feel like this is the best I'm ever performed, and uh I am performing, I'm I'm doing pretty well in triathlon, um, it's almost like the most mellow I've ever felt about training and the calmest I've I've felt, and sort of the least pressure I put on myself, and maybe that's because I am enjoying, you know, I go into races, yes, I get nervous, but it I've I've also got to a point where I'm like, you know, what will be will be. Like I love the process of doing this, I I love the the sport as a whole. So even though I'm performing at sort of my best ever level, I feel like it doesn't and it doesn't, you know, it doesn't control my life because again, like you can go and do like easy sessions, you go with friends, where I feel like with bodybuilding, it it is very it does take over your life, it has to take over your whole life. Like not not just the training, but the eating, like the the steps, the sleep, the everything. Um, yeah, I found that triathlon is yeah, it's just different to that.

SPEAKER_02

And that's very much your relationship towards it, isn't it? Because you'll have people who see it like that and they do go a bit too crazy or put too much pressure on themselves and they lose the fun. Whereas your relationship to any sport is very much dictated by you as an individual and where you're at mentally, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I feel like my my relationship with triathlon maybe last year or the year before was very different to what it is now, and I put a lot more pressure on myself and maybe wasn't performing quite as well and didn't enjoy it quite as much. And I've almost taken that pressure off myself. I remind myself like every day I'm like, this is just a hobby. Like, I'm not a professional athlete, I'm an age group athlete. Like this, this should be fun, this should add to my life, and it ever isn't adding to my life, you know. Like, bodybuilding wasn't towards the end of my time in bodybuilding, then something has to change because, and this is something I remind my athletes of all the time, and it's almost taking like I I take it's sort of liberating knowing that yeah, I'm I'm never gonna be a professional. This isn't a this is this is just a hobby, and I find that that I don't need to put more pressure on myself because it is it doesn't mean I care any less, or it doesn't mean I'm any less of an athlete. It's just that you know I I get to enjoy this and that's and that's what's great about it. I get to move my body in a way that I enjoy, I get to go to all these cool countries and race all these cool triathlons with my friends. Um so I mean it's taken me years. I'm not just saying like everyone like click of a finger right, that's how you're gonna feel towards training. It's taken me years and years to find that because we've had conversations before when I've been, yeah, and we both have put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best of the best. Um, and maybe it just comes with maturing in sport, like knowing that it's you can care so much about sport but equally understand that it's also not that deep.

SPEAKER_02

Um just that I it's funny you used that, it's funny you used that sentence because um I was gonna make a post about that. Well it's not it's not that deep. But um I isn't it interesting, it's like something to really highlight and exaggerate that we're both in our most mellow era, uh, but we are performing our best and feeling our best. Um like I said to you, I'm if I'm very chill right now. I'm doing CrossFit, just you know, I I train four or five times a week. Um I don't do competitions unless there's a bit of a fun one in-house. I have a loose program that I follow, and I'm getting stronger at my compounds, I'm getting fitter at my cardio, and that's enough for me. But I'm actually back to squatting, deadlifting, whatever really fucking heavy weights. And it's it's just interesting how when you take that pressure off and you focus on fun and not just like how you look, like actually things start to fall into place, which is obviously well, that's what I preach about on Instagram. And I think my the typical client that I work with will find this podcast interesting because the typical female that I work with is someone who comes from that side of the spectrum where they're quite disciplined with themselves, quite high achieving, um, very productive, and um they're usually already trying to do all the right things, like steps, calories, macros being tracked, and hitting workouts and stuff. But if anything, they're actually kind of over-training or underfueling. Um, maybe they did have disordered eating in the past, um, and they haven't got that balance with making progress but having fun and not taking it that seriously. That's a typical that I'm working with at the minute, which I've just naturally fallen into over the years, um, which you know describes us in our past, basically. So I um if that type of woman is listening right now, they're gonna find like you, you know, very helpful. And because it just goes to show, like, I'm always telling my clients, relaxing, having fun, not taking life so seriously doesn't equate to, oh, I'm dropping my standards and I'm not gonna make progress.

SPEAKER_00

You caring less, or yeah, you can still hit all the things you need to hit. Like I I I know you're you you follow it, like Lucy follow a program. I I'm I'm coached, I follow quite a strict programme. I make sure I hit all my training sessions so that I still keep my standards high, but also at the same time, you know, if I um go out and I've you know have have a have a bad session in in quotation marks, or you know, I don't hit an effort, or it's just not there that day, what I I I used to beat myself up about it would really stress me out. I I would, you know, one rep out of eight reps of a I don't know, eight by one K, let's say, and one of them goes badly, I'm I've had a shit session. Well, I don't I don't need to be so extreme actually. I'm just I was just tired towards the end of that session, or I went out and I didn't run as fast as I wanted to. Well, actually, I've had a a a big week and um, you know, I'm I'm just a bit tired, or mentally I wasn't in it, I'm just able much more able to understand what's going on. Um, and yeah, just not get so upset about it. It's like it's it's one side, especially in triathlon, you know, with with like Iron Man training or half Iron Man training, you're doing a lot of training. So there's bound to be across the course of a week or a month, there's gonna be sessions that yes go really well, there's gonna be sessions that go really shit, and there's gonna be certain sessions that are just gonna be, you know, they're all right, like neither here nor there. And I think, yeah, being being at peace with that and understanding you can't be perfect all of the time, no one is perfect all of the time. Uh sort of letting go of that like that all or nothing mindset. If if you let go of that, actually it's you don't go, you don't go sort of and completely crash out when something doesn't go perfectly, and you're just able to just be like, right, cool, acknowledge that didn't go quite well and and move on, and that ultimately is going to be better for your for your progress.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, totally agree. You mentioned a word that I think which is important, which is emotional maturity, which I think when we're talking about if we go from recovering from an eating disorder to um achieving results, or to, as we said at the very beginning, just being happier, healthier, you know, improving your quality of life, emotional maturity is a huge concept. It's not just about how often you train, how hard you train, it's not about the macros. Like if you can't um, you know, grasp uh or learn to control that voice in your head, which is getting erratic or irrational. You could be the world's best athlete, but you won't see it. You'll always be critiquing yourself, which I think also then comes into the concept of like self-worth, which comes up with a lot of my clients because it's that feeling of, oh, like if I had a shit session, they then almost um project that onto themselves as a person.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not good enough. I think it's like separating those two, like you you had a shit session, you're not you're not a shit person, or like for for me in in what I work in, you know, if you have a sh a shit race, you're not a shit athlete. Like you literally just it just wasn't your day for for whatever reason. Um and those like those two don't have to, yeah, those two don't things don't have to go to together. You can be a great athlete and still have a shit the best of the best people, the best of the best athletes have the have bad races. I put a post about this the other day. DNF in races, they have bad races, they make bad judgments in races, but like, you know, they're the they're the best of the best, and that's so you wouldn't say to them, oh, they've had a bad race, they're they're a shit athlete. No, but they're still the best of the best, they're still a a great athlete, they've just had a bad session, and you can apply that to so many different areas of of fitness, I think. Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_02

And yeah. I think also with that comes comes into uh um understanding, just have a having a better understanding or knowledge of how the body works, like you can't be a hundred percent all the time. I use the word capacity a lot with my clients. We don't always have a hundred percent capacity to give to our training that day, whether it's because we came on our period, whether it's because the kids were on half-term, whether it's because stress with work, you know, if you go into the gym and you do have a rubbish session or you're feeling particularly negative about your body that day, you know, let's let's zoom out and actually look at what's going on here. Like we're not gonna be perfect day in, day out, and that isn't really the goal either. No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, the like I said, the the people we looked up to and the best of the best, you know, they're not a hundred percent every single day. And I think they've just learned over the years how to how to manage it, how to understand their bodies a little bit, a little bit better. Like, yeah, like you said, you know, those two days coming leaning into a period, like you know, I s I I still train, but I have an understanding right, might feel like like this. So maybe it's best I don't do that hard session. Maybe I give myself that that rest day that was supposed to be on Saturday, I pull it through to today on Monday, and just yeah, like sort of going back to that. Um I think maturing in in fitness, just maturing in in general in in life. I think that it's taken us quite a lot of years to get to this point, but hopefully as speaking about it can maybe just be a bit of a helpful mindset shift for some people who may struggle, may struggle with it.

SPEAKER_02

Um Yeah, I think um I you know, I I think people, especially if people have followed us for a long time, you know, would agree that the journey that we've made is quite a unique, challenging one. Um I actually had a conversation with a girl at my gym. Um, she kind of popped up to me and said, Oh, you know, I came across your Instagram and it was really inspirational. Just want to say I've been through the same journey and everything. And I was like, Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Like, how are you doing now? And she said what a lot of people say, where they go, Oh, well, you know, you you you just learn to live with it, don't you? You learn to manage. And I said, which is what I always say, I said, no, I I don't have to manage my anorexia anymore. I don't have to manage that. I would I would say I've truly recovered, which is, you know, a debate in itself what is truly recovered. But um do you ever hear that you know, it's something that you have to live with or learn to live with?

SPEAKER_00

I have heard it. I've not, you know, spoken to anyone, you know, uh in any recent times about that, but I have, yeah, I have heard that being being said. And yeah, I I would agree it's not something that ever I don't know. It's not something that I ever I think about. And that's why I said when at the beginning of the podcast, when we were talking about it, and something I really have to like rack my brains to think back to that time because like I am I'm just a completely different person to then, and sometimes yeah, it almost feels like a different life. I'm like, that was a different person, that was a different me. That that's just something I completely don't associate myself with anymore. Yeah, it's it's uh a weird one. So no, I yeah, I I I would agree with you. I would absolutely agree with you, or if anyone I, you know, newly met as as an adult as myself now, I don't think they would ever, you know, see that side of me or see that it was something that I would just be I'm living with at the moment. So yeah, no, I would agree.

SPEAKER_02

People would follow us or take inspiration from you know what we say today, really, because we can genuinely hand on heart say that we've gone through that whole journey, come out the other end. I think it's you know, ever everyone eating disorder or not, everyone, everyone that we work with and coach is is on a journey, a lifelong journey of just you know, finding their happiness, finding their confidence in themselves. Um, I'm sure we both have the odd day where you might have a little bit of a negative body image day or you feel like.

SPEAKER_00

I was just yeah, and I was just gonna add that in because I'd be lying if yeah, if I said I didn't have negative body image days, but I don't see that as that's because I struggled with anorexia. I see that because, you know, we all we all had those days where we just don't feel 100% in ourselves, or but but I yeah, I wouldn't connect that with the the anorexia side of things. I think there's a lot of pressure with like social media and all the skinniness, craziness that is going on in the world at the moment that we're constantly fighting against. Like I think that that's more a reflection of of that as well. And as well for me as well, I'm um I get married in what seven weeks or whatever. Woo! Um, but the constant um, I mean, I don't follow that many people on social media, maybe I'm just I'm weird like that. But the constant, like when the algorithm pushes to me, like I I'm a 2027 bride, and these are all the things I'm doing to lose weight for my wedding. Or I saw a girl the other day, like, I'm however many weeks out from my Hindu, and this is like this is what I'm doing, and just I don't know, all of that sort of stuff. So sometimes I'm like, sh shit, should should I be doing that? Should should I and I think me a few years ago would have jumped on that. Well, that's what I need to do as a a bride, I need to lose weight, that's just what we do as as brides. But um, so I do find myself, you know, not actively fighting against it, but you know, I I I see it all the time, and it's it I I understand their I understand why people would then feel feel pressure to to look a certain way or do these crazy diets for things like that, because social media just throws it in your face all the time. But yeah, there are so there are some times, right? Going back to what I was saying, there are some times where I'm like, shit, should I should I be trying to lose weight? Should I be, you know, looking a certain way for my wedding? And sometimes that thought comes in. Um, but I think that's less of an eating disorder thought and more just of a Yeah, there's a big difference. Should I, should I, yeah, should I care more about that and should I lose the weight to look a certain way? And it's thrown. And if I didn't have the strong mindset that I do now that I can fight against it, or just be like, oh, I'd see that's supposed like that. I'm like, oh fucking hell, like fuck off. Like I don't want to see this sort of thing. Like, I've not with the whole bride thing, I've not gone into the whole bride side of TikTok where it does seem really like toxic, all these girls losing all this weight for their weddings and things. Um, but yeah, so I yeah, that's a bit.

SPEAKER_02

Obviously, we've we've talked about body image, but also with food and exercise, you know, like not having that food focus all the time, not feeling guilty for something that you like, or not feeling if you've had a higher calorie day than the normal day, or um having a rest day and you know, just relaxing and not feeling guilty for resting. All of these things takes over the years, you just practice it, you you do it, you practice, and then before you know it, you just don't think about it anymore.

SPEAKER_00

It's just yeah, the the rest day thing. Some people ask me, like, how do you just rest on your rest day? And I'm like, I love nothing more than a rest day. I like thrive. I've had two weeks. Yeah, I've had two weeks off of training. I've done like the odd bit of training sort of between my last race and today. So that's been two weeks, and I've just rested. And like last night I'd see my coach had put some training in. I was like, do I want to get back to training tomorrow? And I think that's just because I'd not I've not trained properly for two weeks. So I'm kind of like, oh, I could get used to this life. I'm not really doing anything. Obviously, now I I trained this morning. I remind myself like why I do it. It's not I've not trained this morning because I feel guilty for not. I trained this morning because I love moving my body and I love feeling strong. And I went to a strength class and it was nice to be around other people. Like that, those are the reasons that I get back to training, not because oh my god, I've had two weeks off. I must go and train and I must go and burn those calories and catch up on all the the training sessions that I've missed. So it's just that that real shift in mindset. But it does, yeah, it takes, I think it takes a long time to to develop that and it takes practice.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, a shift in mindset, also shift in motivation, because I'm the same. Like I'll have days where I'm like, oh, I can't really be asked, but I'm not forcing myself to go out of if I don't, I'm gonna I'm gonna gain weight, I'm gonna feel like shit. The mo that's not the motivation. I might not feel excited to go to the gym, but my motivation is well, I want to feel strong, I want to feel empowered. I know that I always feel good for moving my body afterwards. Um, like future me wants muscle mass, wants to be healthy. So that it's the motivation as well, isn't it, where it comes from shifts over time. So from this whole journey, what would you say are the key things that have helped you to improve your relationship with your food, your exercise, and yourself to kind of get to where you are now if you had to pick like a couple of things? If someone else is on that journey, like, you know, maybe not eating disorder-related, but I mean they're just, you know, haven't found that peaceful, happy place with their training, their nutrition, their body.

SPEAKER_00

I would say focusing on or have having a goal or focusing more so on what your body can do rather than how it looks. I think it just provides so much more fulfilment and you know, as a byproduct, you know, obviously if if you train and you do all these things to move your body and that sort of thing, obviously, as a byproduct, you're you're probably gonna look better as well. But the the real like win comes from yeah, moving your body, like getting stronger, getting fitter, like all those things provide so much more fulfilment, I believe, than just focusing on you see it all the time when people are like, I just wanna drop these five pounds, I just want to fit into this dress, and then they're never happy, they're never fulfilled, they're never happy, and they're the ones that are talking about you know, food noise, all they think about is food, blah blah blah. Um, I think if you can shift from focusing purely on trying to have an aesthetic goal and focus more so on doing like moving your body and um seeing what you're capable of and whether that is lifting weights, whether that's entering a running event or a triathlon, I just think that that offers so much more fulfillment. So that would be the first one, and I think as we touched on just before, not having to be like perfect, not expecting yourself to be perfect all the time every day, because I think again that takes away from from the enjoyment. I think those would probably be the the two main things. But yeah, I think focusing on a more physical goal just gives you so much more fulfilment. I can't stress that enough. But I mean what your body can do is just it's just exciting, just pushing yourself because it that with that builds confidence, with that builds builds self-esteem, with that builds a good relationship with yourself. I just think it offers so much yeah, and in I think in a world of yeah, where we're having it shoved down our throats that we could we should lose weight and that'll bring you happiness. I think that yeah, doing doing doing more, doing stuff is is the answer to that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and obviously, like if someone would be happier, five kilograms lighter, you know, that's absolutely fine and they can do that. But when it's it's typically a more enjoyable journey and more easily sustained the results when it is the byproduct of a performance-based goal.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, and yeah, and and like and like this isn't me saying, you know, some people, yeah, might need to lose weight. I'm not saying that you shouldn't. lose weight like you said before. I I think yeah some people do need to lose a bit of weight to build um to to feel happier in themselves. I don't think that I don't think losing weight or having a fat loss goal is is a bad thing. But I think if that's the sole driver, like I will be happier when I'm five kilos lighter, that's never gonna end well and that's that's never going to be the answer. So yes, you might feel better in yourself at five kilos lighter but often yeah that's as a result of doing something like challenging yourself more or getting fitter, stronger, whatever that may be.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah I'm actually because obviously we're on the same boat of everything here like um I find it really annoying at the minute the fitness industry online where people are kind of anti-diet in the sense of like well just go live your best life like don't don't diet why do you diet and it's like well no some people need to be dieting is not a bad thing. It's only bad when you do it horrifically and unhealthily and you're always doing it. Um there's you know I talk a lot about um finding that balance online and I do typically work with people who had you know not the best relationship with their food or their body or exercise but I'm still not anti-diet. Dieting is just a healthy process to drop body fat. I think it also comes down to understanding like when is it the right time for you as an individual to go through that process because do you even have any muscle mass? You know like should we be building muscle mass first before you even think about doing a diet um are you mentally in the right place? If you've got a lot of food noise, if you're constantly like anxious about food like that's only going to make it worse. So it's time and place as well isn't it um I think what I would add to when when we talked about things that have helped you on your journey I would add in uh this is the same but add to that um going through periods where I have to eat more like we both went through bodybuilding where you have to bulk if you're gonna do sports at any decent level like you have to be fueling um a lot of food yeah and only by doing that and understanding oh like you know I actually perform better when I eat more funny that it's incorrect um and over time like if you know if you're consistent with it you look better for it not worse and that only by doing that do you then break that fear of more more calories means I look worse.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah absolutely that's something that has helped me hugely I mean yeah I do I don't even think about food I just eat to fuel my I mean obviously I I I enjoy food um but I just eat to fuel and when I fuel well it's the proof that yeah that that I need that you know when we fu when we fuel enough we I'm eating more than I ever have done in my life and I'm performing the best I've ever performed I'm in I said I'm in my mid thirties now makes a big ancient but like I'm in my mid I'm bitter faster stronger everything than me in my twenties um and yeah I'm eating more um sleeping more I'm more content so it's it's working so 30 is 100% people I said 30s is definitely the best era but that's great I love it. Funny isn't it because people are so scared of hitting 30 and there's all these jokes about oh you know when you're in your 30s when yeah yeah yeah actually so much better 100% I'm yeah so much more at peace in my 30s like I'm just a calmer happy person I think if I'd met Gaz in my twenties he'd be like Jesus Christ this girl's a psycho yeah like well it just comes with time like we said doesn't didn't we like how it's practiced the older you get the the more practice you have at learning your body understanding your body becoming more emotionally mature and um as you know as we get older we get better at that did you have any kind of key things that helps you with your mindset over the years and now as like a quite a high level athlete you know do you we've we've talked a lot about that mindset shift is there anything that you can do in particular for that or is that kind of just the consequence of the sports you've been through and the journey yeah I I do think that I think just over time just as a result of challenging myself more working with with good people as well and them helping me to understand my my mind um I don't think there's anything in particular I just think it's as a result of yeah of of all the training and the competing and the racing that I've I've done and just live like living it and going and going through it and understanding my mind a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think there's anything that I would say like we said obviously with physically what what I said before but I don't know about mentally like when I'm coaching my clients I always talk about you know we can reflect we can talk we can have conversations but actions always lead the way and then through those actions you have that evidence to increase your knowledge or your confidence kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah yeah I think and I think that's exactly what what I've been through I think you have to you have to live it you know the highs and the and the lows as well I think you have to live it all and I think over time that that mindset comes with it. Um because it would just be I don't know if it was just an easy like oh change this and your mindset shifted I think that you know everyone would be doing it so I think it's something that you have to you have to live a little bit yeah no I completely agree. Lived expensive crying lived exactly he's just he's crying at the door he's fine he's just a wimp he's just a blessing um yeah yeah I think I think and that just takes yeah just like in in my in my world like maturing in in triathlon um just maturing in this fitness world um which then has that sort of transfer over into my everyday life as well yeah I would say for me and my journey um in terms of the mindset shifts again we've gone through similar journeys we've done high level sports we've competed we've um gone off and done various things um those as we said you know the consequence of putting yourself out there trying new things striving for um for certain goals fueling your body more um and practicing that over time definitely helps I I've also gone through therapy a few years back which I did find really really insightful um I genuinely think it's a something that everyone at at some point in their life can just learn so much about themselves from.

SPEAKER_02

I learned so that I didn't actually realise um and I I used that at a time when I'd quit bodybuilding and was struggling a bit um how much I struggled because you could get voice note weekly we had the hour long chats each week. Yeah it was a it was a difficult phase um and it wasn't because I'd lost that control with what people might think of me like oh well she hasn't got that control anymore with bodybuilding. It wasn't that at all I think there were different elements of my life which weren't quite where I wanted them knowingly and yeah through that therapy I kind of basically could then put the pieces together a little bit more change the relationship I was in change the environment that I worked in and um meet new friends or go out and do other stuff and get out of my comfort zone in other ways that's when I started my business for the genes um which is um yeah launching next month which I'm so fucking excited for so I'm so excited for you I'm so buzzing for that um it was actually in therapy where that transitional phase coming out of bodybuilding and then not not knowing what to do next with myself um he talked a lot about identity with me which I found it's actually really difficult.

SPEAKER_00

He used to ask me every session who is Ella and I'd be like uh a bodybuilder a coach he's like yeah but that's what you do it's not who you are like what who is Ella and it was every he would start with that and I was like wow this is actually really hard well if you asked me that and I think we have spoken about this before but I feel like I would I would I would struggle with with that. Um I um yeah because I I would always say oh like you know I'm a coach I'm an age group triathlete like a lot of my I guess a lot of my self-worth is uh around like being a triathlete and I yeah I don't know I don't know how what I would how I would describe or say who I was which is which is difficult to do.

SPEAKER_02

But I found that so insightful going through that period.

SPEAKER_00

Um that was about I don't know good four years ago um and it was that experience which made me so much more focused on the psychology of coaching like when we're working with our clients so um the the change in identity as someone goes through their journey and how it's not just you know we're gonna we're gonna lose some weight we're gonna build some muscle we're gonna um you know like how you said before you you were kind of doing that but it wasn't quite fulfilling you enough and you went into more um yeah I guess the the athletes or the clients I work with are are different from yours in that they're not going through that transition of um yeah of how you work with with your clients usually it's a case of I want to do this race and I'm like well let's but obviously there's some yeah sometimes I have to work with the the athlete's mindset but a lot of times that that comes you know around like racing and things but yeah it now it's sort of like this is where I am now can we get to this race so we do everything we need to to get to that race it's not so much a but uh sort of along that process you can see that athlete like becoming like a better version of the self more confident in themselves and I can then help them when they're struggling with the mindset for example like if it's after a bad race or a bad training session I can sort of help them like navigate that and that's where I guess that comes in in helping that athlete become a happier person athlete a byproduct of of going for that goal isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah yeah whereas I go from like so you're gonna you're getting them from I don't know let's say never done a triathlon to a triathlon and how we get to that goal and I'm nowadays more with women who are like I feel like this but I want to be this girl I want to be you know I want to that red dress and go on I don't know the dates with that guy and uh wear a crop gym I want to be that girl who's got that confidence um or not obsessing about their food or whatever um which is where that journey of like that whole shift in personality and identity comes from like we said how we were totally different people when we first met and that's what I find fascinating about all of this and about how fitness is such a tool for change in someone's happiness and their identity and who they are. Absolutely like so much deeper than oh I I wanna I I'd be happier if I had a little bit less body fat or a bit more muscle on me.

SPEAKER_00

I I could yeah I couldn't agree with you more. I think it's yeah I think it should be like the foundation of everyone's lives so yeah I I you I often talk to my clients about that like how when I was bodybuilding and I you know girls would have looked at me and my six pack and my shredded pictures and thought goals and I was like well I wasn't my happiest then I'm my happiest now when I'm not shredded and I'm not super muscular I'm just like I'm I'm in my chill era but I'm the happiest and but yeah I think people can people can look at people can look at it from an outsider's perspective and yeah just assume that but I think you have to you have to live it to to find that happiest version of yourself. Because yeah same same with me um when I was at I was can you only think back at your shredded pictures and you're like at the time you're like I don't think I'm that shredded and then you look back and you're like Jesus Christ but you understand you know the sacrifices everything that come to to get you to that to that point. But you know I think I'm grateful for that part of my life that taught me so much about about myself about nutrition about just yeah so many different things um and just what I'm capable of like getting to that like achieve whether it's getting to my leanest whether it's in my off season whether it's getting to the Iron Man World Championships like all of those journeys taught me have all individually taught me so much about myself and that's ultimately what it's all about isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

I think it would be really nice to wrap this up with what's the next chapter going to be because as we said it's a an ongoing life journey isn't it we're always growing and evolving and then you're confronted with like a new challenge or a new thing to learn about yourself and not work on as in you know we we we're imperfect or need work but that's how we're always growing in confidence and evolving isn't it what what would you say for you in your next chapter um well I'll be in my my wife era so um I don't know I think how long do you think we'll be doing races for is this gonna be like a oh that's like a lifelong thing 100% um absolutely and and obviously you know let's say if Gaz and I were to start a family life were to change obviously like the the goal will look slightly different.

SPEAKER_00

So right now it's you know next year I've already qualified for the Half Iron Man World Championships the goal is to go and get top 10 in in my age group but then you know lace down the line a few years to come let's say we'd we'd had kids and you know I'm a mum at that time and then it's a case of well actually the goal is to just go and do those races and show our children what working hard looks like. So I I I don't know exactly but I know that racing is is such a is a huge thing in both mine and and Gaz's lives. It's something we do together we travel to do it it adds so much to our lives so when when we race like yes we take it seriously yes we want to do as well as possible but it's not something that you know controls our lives in a in a negative way so it's definitely going to be something that is yeah is going to be a long term thing. How that looks I don't know yeah at the moment all I can see is like the wedding and like I'll think about the future after that but yeah I know that racing and triathlon is definitely going to be a a staple in in our lives because it's just something that we we both love and really adds to our lives rather than you know doesn't take away from our lives which is great. That's lovely.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah and it's good obviously you wouldn't want to know what is in the future you can't predict or plan it but we're very goal oriented people and like you said so your next goal is to um was it the Iron Man world champions get top yes it yeah the half Iron Man world championships I went to the Iron Man World Championships last year that was the one in Hawaii and then next year I've qualified for the half Iron Man yeah that say again is that the same place every year no so the full Iron Man World Championships is the same place every year but then the Half Iron Man World Championships change locations each year.

SPEAKER_00

So next year it's in Tennessee in America so we're yeah planning I've qualified for that Gaz is trying to qualify as well so we can both go and then we might like plan our honeymoon around that go and race and then afterwards go and do like two weeks out in America or something. So so yeah that's the next yeah I've already qualified for that so any races I do now can just be just be for experience and for fun and just and that's yeah another thing I love about racing is that I've met so many people through triathlon that you know you go to these races and everyone's so supportive and like you come away feeling like so uplifted by it.

SPEAKER_02

So it's you know I feel on a very different level I feel like that's simply by going into my CrossFit gym.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Oh CrossFit gyms are the best for that aren't they?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah it's so uplifting and such a community every time I go into train I come out feeling you know I've had a good laugh with the people that are in there I've had a great session because I'm focusing on just enjoying it and having fun so then I actually perform better. So I totally understand that like the connections that you make through it as well like make it as well don't they?

SPEAKER_00

And I think I think that would be a something to to add to set to you know help someone who is maybe struggling like finding a a community to and so you're so you're surrounded by those people I don't think I don't think enough people do that and just go and like try I know it's difficult sometimes, you know, you've got your set friendship group or you know whatever but I think if you yeah there's if you want to better yourself better your life and do that through fitness I think finding a community that you've got those people around you to to support you and they'll only lift you up and they'll only want like the best for you and I think doing that like you I think you found that with CrossFit I've definitely found that with with triathlon um and it's yeah added to my life so much.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah I'm not full blown CrossFit because I actually hate the Olympic lift.

SPEAKER_00

No but like but just like the the gym. When I say CrossFit I mean your your gym like you've met people in your gym.

SPEAKER_02

I'm 50% fit in I'm not I'm not fully there but my CrossFit gym definitely environment for me. Yeah yeah um I was gonna add to that with um my own answer because we're in different different eras right now I'm in my very my my mellow era with I haven't got any specific training goals. I I wanted to get my first muscle up which I'm quite close to getting and I've got my lifts back up to before when I had do you remember I had really bad knees for a couple of years and couldn't so I've got my like my my squats back over a hundred my deadlifts and everything like that. Crazy I I don't have any particular goals though so I do think once my jeans company is launched so I'm also going to tag that into this because people need to know about it. It's jeans for girls who work out they've got that small waist but bigger glutes bigger thighs you know like when you're trying to get your jeans on and it's kind of cutting into your thighs or you've got a gaping waist because it doesn't fit your proportions I got sick of it created a company designed the jeans that's launching next month and so I've been putting a lot of work into that I didn't want any additional pressure on myself um I just wanted fitness to be purely fun like no pressure at all but I think once that launches next year I will want a little bit of a nudge or a push or a direction with training maybe so I haven't really that yet too much. But like you say so I I kind of understand now as I'm older as well how you know we have seasons. So for you you've got an on and off season for your competitions. For me at the minute I'm I'm in a season which is a bit calmer my training volume is quite low. I'm doing enough but I'm not doing crazy amounts and I'm I'm just focusing on fueling my body well and I'm very well rested and you know like that. But then I think next year I could definitely go into a bit more of a a pushing phase where I um yeah I just set a bit of a a bigger more challenging fitness goal but I haven't quite decided yet.

SPEAKER_00

But that's exciting though I think that yeah it'll be a I think it's important to go through the phase that you're you're going through and then it's also important to challenge yourself but also you understand that when you do that challenge next year, you know you're not tying yourself worth to it if it if you win that competition if you lose it whatever like that doesn't mean anything. It's just a cool goal that you've been able to to build up to and I think you're in a phase where whereas maybe you a few years ago when you're like I need that competition and I need to go win it and same with me like it has to be about being the best that there is like you can be your best without like having it to you know take over your life in a negative way I think you're in a good place for that.

SPEAKER_02

I also forgot I've started playing basketball again since last year and um you know it's nothing crazy. It's just local league. But that was actually really important for me in that transition away from bodybuilding wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do didn't know how I enjoyed working out anymore. And I was always a little bit nervous to go back to the team and then when I went I was like oh my God like team sports is so social such a good vibe. You're not thinking oh I'm gonna go play basketball because I need to do an hour of cardio but you have an amazing cardio session whilst you're doing it. And I think that's another thing that people overlook is they think it has to be all in the gym environment or whatever whatever type of gym you're in whereas we've got sports that exist outside of that environment as well or you don't I'm always saying to clients like what do you enjoy doing like go to dance if you enjoy dance or um I've got a client who surfs and all these types of things um that you know if you're really enjoying just getting just having a a hobby an active hobby yeah but then meeting the girls on the team again and just having a laugh like that social element again comes into it. Well I feel like we've really gone through I feel like we've had that was a good one. Yeah that's really nice to kind of revise or go revision that and um I'm sure there are some people at some point in that journey where they're still working on it. So obviously um we'll link you up on the podcast so that people can find you obviously interested in doing their first ever triathlon or something they can find you. I mean chat to us we'll we'll help you out with that. But um but yeah thank you for having me on it was nice to catch up and I obviously have to say that being your Hendu this weekend I'm very excited to be celebrating your next chapter with you. Oh I can't wait. Honestly just without getting emotional we've known each other a long time and just so proud of our our journey and watching you go through it and like you're in such a happy place now with gaz and yeah it's yeah it's like you say it's so crazy to think back to where we were like such a different person such a different confidence and happiness level it's it's wild isn't it?

SPEAKER_00

It is wild. And like yeah like I said before like me now is just a a different me to to back then and same same with you as well it's been it's been a wild old journey and when you think back to like how long we have actually known each other it's it's crazy. We've seen a lot of seasons of lives together. We've had a lot of long phone calls crying down the phone to one another and here we are I'm very excited to celebrate that too I'm very very happy for you. Oh thank you I can't wait I'll see you on Friday see you on Friday.

SPEAKER_02

Yes right thank you so much for taking an hour of your day to join me and to share that with my followers your followers everyone else um and yeah good luck with your upcoming competitions and I shall see you this week see you later bye see ya