Dating in the Age of Social Media: Why Choosing Yourself Comes First with Marley Freygang

in this hilarious and honest episode of all our parts, jazz + marley dive headfirst into the messy world of modern dating — from calling out simp behavior to unpacking why so many of us were taught to find our worth in someone else’s approval.

together, they explore:
 💔 how growing up on mature content + media fantasies shaped our love lives
🎬 why disney movies, rom-coms + the weeknd sold us delusional relationship goals
📲 the pressure of performing “perfect love” online vs. the reality of dating fails
🧠 why setting boundaries with media is an act of self-love
✨ choosing yourself before choosing someone else

this episode is equal parts spicy + smart — the post-heartbreak, main character energy you didn’t know you needed. if you’re navigating modern dating fails, unrealistic expectations, or learning to put yourself first, this convo is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Welcome to All Our Parts. I am so excited for my guest today. It is amazing when you record with someone and then you're like, can we return around and record again? Marley, thank you so much for joining me on my show today. Oh

SPEAKER_01: 0:16

my God, thank you so much for having me. I'm hyped. I love doing this. So let's do it. I feel exactly the same. When you get to turn it around, it's like amazing. So I'm like, ah, I'm going to sit back and relax over here.

SPEAKER_00: 0:25

Yes. And so we were talking, you were like, what? We're going to keep the dating situation going we're gonna keep it rolling and we're gonna start with just talking about how not to be a simp taylor swift made the song down bad we've all been there we have all sat in therapy and been like what do i do how do i figure this out our heads spinning listening to sabrina carpenter's album over and over again marley tell us

SPEAKER_01: 0:59

a simp life i think it's when you are just You or someone you know is so stuck on finding a relationship, finding love, finding compassion, compassionship, partnership, whatever it may be. And you are so stuck on it that you miss everything else going on in your life and you give sad, wimpy energy all the time. And I also think that's when you start being a bad friend as well, maybe child or family member, because you are so stuck in your own bubble. of sadness that you can't figure out love or life or partnership and it makes me think about something a different podcaster said actually her name is Alana Dunn she hosts seeing other people she was talking about how being in a relationship or my relationship status should be the least interesting thing about me and I think people get there once they're in a relationship but when you're not in a relationship or you're not happy with your dating life you make it your whole identity And it's really just shouldn't be.

SPEAKER_00: 2:06

So when you land in Simp City, it takes over your senses. It takes over your perspective because you're so wrapped up in dating that you miss out not only on your present life, but you miss out on investing in the life that you already have because you're constantly striving for the next thing, next person, the next relationship.

SPEAKER_01: 2:29

And I'll also give it that maybe people who newly get into relationships aren't that great either because they or we or whoever can also totally lose sight of their friendship and lives and important normalcy because you're taken up by this new relationship so it's just like I think the biggest part of not having simpy energy or like love struck energy is dating or being in a relationship is only one part of your life you should be full in other places what is your career what are your personal values what do you like to do for fun what are you watching on tv for crying out loud There's just so much more going on in your life than this one element. Sometimes women will place status on if they're in a relationship or not. And it's yikes. That is terrifying. Being in a relationship, not being in a relationship, being single, being married, being divorced does not make anybody better, less than, whatever, than anyone else. Yet we put so much pressure on it. And it probably comes from a ton of misogyny that I would love to say is gone, but it's

SPEAKER_00: 3:34

not. 100%. We grew up with what? 27 dresses 13 going on 30 the women where they're all like pining over a man like your status is based in who you're dating how long you're dating and your relationship is like the core of your life and then you just build around that and I love that you also included the honeymoon stagers like when you get into those first five months because it's just pure bliss you're like this is brand new this is very exciting I want to revolve my entire life around this energy and then you get to month six seven and eight and you're like oh i need to have my own identity and that's what it comes down to it's identity like where is your identity forming because when you formed into a relationship you're like so empty when it's gone.

SPEAKER_01: 4:24

And like, why? Why? Because it's probably you didn't keep up your relationships outside of your romantic relationship. And I honestly, it's a little bit like that's on you. That's on you. Like you didn't keep it up. And I have watched a lot of girls say that to other women when they're in it. And then they're like, one day you guys are going to break up or you're not going to be together. And that's all you're going to have. And then who are you without them? And that's on you. Like you didn't keep it up. So like you want to make sure your life is equally full, no matter what your relationship status is.

SPEAKER_00: 4:59

Have you ever caught yourself in Sim City?

SPEAKER_01: 5:02

I think I could speak so strongly about Sim City because I was Sim City for so long. This goes back all the way to high school, middle school, probably elementary school. This runs deep. I was definitely, it's so weird. I wonder what people would say about me looking back, but also they probably wouldn't give two cents to even think about me anymore. But like growing up, I was such a hopeless romantic. Like I wanted to have a boyfriend by like fourth grade and I was probably just fine and cute, but I felt like I was always just so next to being cute or fine and cute. Probably why my podcast is called Confessions of a Wannabe It Girl, that feeling of feeling like you're so close to being it, but not. And so I think I lived in simpness forever. I loved romantic music. Like I would last driving to high school, Drake and think about my toxic relationship I didn't have and romanticize all this shit in my head that just wasn't real. And it went on for so long in my life. And honestly, nobody had the audacity as they should have to shake me out of it. And I could never make a relationship work until I met my fiance. Like I never could. I was simping left and right. I was too clingy. I was too like asking for too much too quickly. I was the definition of simping before simping was probably a worldview because even though I like to pretend I'm a Gen Z, I'm very much millennial. And yeah, I was always craving love, attention, whatever. And I think when I actually moved on at the ripe age of 21, the perfect time to not look for true relationships, I ended up finding one. So I don't know. We love that. Yeah. And you are an it girl. What are

SPEAKER_00: 6:53

you talking about?

SPEAKER_01: 6:55

Please stop. You're an it girl. That's the thing. Everyone is an it girl. You just have to recognize that you have to give that self your power. Nobody else is going to give it to you. We're all not all waiting for Jimmy Kimmel to tell Kylie Jenner that she's an it girl. You have to give that to yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 7:09

Yeah. This is so interesting because I feel like I, in undergrad especially, I fell on the opposite end. My friends knew me as the girl with unsaved phone numbers. And so I would sit in... public spaces, like at games, and they'd be like, Jasmine, who are you talking to? And the list of unsaved numbers would, I'd say, a different day. I loved to date. I didn't have a lot of attached dating experiences. I've had maybe a couple of serious relationships, but all of my dates were pretty unattached. We would go to parties, we would go bowling and stuff, but And this even goes back to the episode that we recorded together. I never allowed myself to fully invest emotionally in the relationship. And then it wasn't until I got out where I'm listening to Drake, Crew Love, where I'm crying. Oh my God,

SPEAKER_01: 8:11

that's the song. Literally, it's all

SPEAKER_00: 8:14

good. I'm crying my eyes out. I'm like hurt. I'm like, oh, am I a secret lover girl at heart? Like I'm listening to Mariah Carey. We belong together. Like we were supposed to get married and I'm like what am I doing I'm supposed to be playing the field so I'd have to snap out of it but I never allowed myself to sit in that space when I was dating to be like oh this is like a relationship that I need to nourish that I should want to foster and I was also going after people who are also unavailable and so the dynamic just worked out like

SPEAKER_01: 8:52

I was always looking to get invested I was always like I'm a very emotional person. The only thing I'm slightly logical with is money and everything else is run by emotion in my life. And so I was always looking, let's get into this. Let's get the emotion. And that's a lot for people to come on that strong. And then I was like faking it till you make it of trying to like maybe just like date and mess around. And, you know, I was drunk. I was 21. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what happened. Like, you know, it is what it is. And I'm glad I had that phase as well. So it's a weird. Polar thing. I think I had a natural tradition of going through it, but the high

SPEAKER_00: 9:31

school sim thing was rough. So that's what I'm wondering. Is it how we choose our dating style? Is it a natural tendency? Is it influenced by media, what we see on TV, or is it a mix of the two? I

SPEAKER_01: 9:47

think it's a mix of the two, but I can speak so much more on the media elements. I feel as though Music hugely influenced me. I remember when I was trying to get over a very long situation trip that I was in for way too long. All the way through being in college. I really had to flip myself out of it by not listening to like romantic or like toxic music. I was just like, all I need to listen to is party rap. Like I can't listen to anything else. And it's subconsciously, I think media affects us. You find it also at the same time, it's great to get in your car and bawl your eyes out. Don't get me wrong. I still do it. And I also watched then what I was watching on TV. And I realized how much like things like gossip girl love that show to death was definitely too young to be watching that in middle school was like innately affecting my ideas of what I thought a healthy relationship looked like or even just healthy friendships they're awful to that whole friend group so looking into the what we set in media is just so unrealistic rom-coms don't happen to me a successful relationship is very stable you feel less anxiety you're very comfortable to say you're uglies you're happies and you're truthful. rom-coms are exact opposite i don't know what it is that makes us think this is entertaining to watch and we should keep watching it and just innately affects us if there's no way that your subconscious doesn't see this especially when you're so young my parents have a lovely relationship whatnot but i never really i didn't have siblings so i never saw anybody else dating and whatnot so this was what i thought life should be like and even at 18 and 19 you're still your brain's not developed till you're like 26 So that is affecting you. So I just feel as though the whole image of media doesn't really affect it. And then God, I can only imagine what it's like now to be a high schooler and seeing on social media that perfect skinny girl and the really buff, beautiful Ken boy be together and they make TikToks in the street. I can only imagine what that does to like relationships. I beg my fiance to make TikToks with me and he sometimes does it and sometimes he doesn't. doesn't I don't know it's there's a lot of ridiculous standard set out but it's interesting it's entertaining we want to watch it

SPEAKER_00: 12:22

yeah love that we're both only children by the way

SPEAKER_01: 12:25

only children squad I love it so I'm

SPEAKER_00: 12:28

yeah it's so fun but yes it's social media now portrays everyone's highlight reel every and so two hyper attractive like 220 out of 10s together filming their best life on a boat on video Edited. Filtered. 20 filters layered. And we're like, oh, this is what the idol relationship looks like. And then we can go all the way back to Sex and the City where they're all like the basis, the core group of their friendship is about like Sarah Jessica Parker's character getting a man. And it's right.

SPEAKER_01: 13:05

That is the distinction of her life. And I'm not a Sex and the City girl. Like I never got into it. I don't know. Maybe it was like subconsciously I noticed that or like I was just a little too young to be into it, even though everyone around me Loves that show. I was obsessed with it. I never got into it. But yes, that is the thing I have to say. And I'm also an actor. That is my main LA goal, as everyone else fucking says, but is to be in acting. And it does annoy the crap out of me to look at scripts, look at media and see that 90%, I would say it used to be like 95% of good roles from women. The main point is her relationship or her relationship journey. getting the relationship or the ending of a relationship it's women are just so much more than that I can only speak about being a woman because I am a woman I'm sure the man experiences more than just hucking wood and providing for females too but I don't know I just it is so annoying to me and it even annoys me in acting class how often we will have they're called love scenes that doesn't mean sex it's just the typical boy meets girl or girl breakup wait I'm like why is it every scene that the girls get hand it in class like they're like the damsel versus can we just have two girls maybe having a conversation about like work not working out and how they're gonna it just doesn't happen and they're not considered the tropes in the acting industry or film industry it does actually annoy the crap out of me and i always i tell my fiance this i'm like i'm watching tv and i'm like oh like westworld for instance i'm i love westworld maybe the last season it got a little crazy but the first two seasons i'm obsessed with ed harris's character he plays with the male with Black Hat. His part is so interesting. Not once is it really truly about love. It's about this complex obsession with Dolores and then the world. And the part is the obsession with Dolores ends up becoming the smallest part of his story. And that's the main character, the girl in the story. And the story is so much more about the world. Why do the girls so rarely get that storyline in other TV shows? It's a jumping off point. the obsession and then it becomes something else

SPEAKER_00: 15:23

I like want to say it's like the dream that we're sold that we get swept up off of our feet by some man and he saves us and our helplessness goes away actually it gets reinstilled and we're like yes this super strong man has saved me and I can fall madly in love with him and it's oh my gosh why are we teaching it because it's in Snow White that's literally the story of Snow White no white sleeping beauty. And so why are, when did, that's probably too far back. When did that become a selling point?

SPEAKER_01: 16:00

I think it goes into the category of like sex sells as well. Like it's just, it, it just worked. So like media has continued to portray it and media comes down to dollars, comes down to eyeballs, comes down to money. And even if it's reading, look at the books that are the most popular as well today. Don't get me wrong. I'm deep into A Court of Thorn and Roses as well. But even so Twilight was like the shit. That is what sells. Maybe it's because we love to romanticize romance and it continues to be a selling point and it works. I'm not saying it's

SPEAKER_00: 16:31

great, but money talks. I cannot escape ACOTAR. Can I tell you that everyone I know is talking about this book right now. I literally was at Pickleball yesterday and she was like, I should have brought my Kindle with me if we were going to sit here because then I can read ACOTAR, my favorite Friend group is like, they're going to be obsessed when they hear that I'm even mentioning it and giving it some free promo right now. But it is sweeping the conversation. So I might have to get into it. I got notes.

SPEAKER_01: 17:03

I always have notes. My favorite thing is to go to anything, read anything, watch anything. Even if I loved it, I have notes. I have notes about Agatar, of course, but I'm into the second book and I'm happy to see where the progression is going. But I will say, I think you got to, if you're going to do it, you have to really commit to the entire thing. I think you can't just read one of them because the main character in the first series, she is stronger and then she ends up swept. And I was like, oh, here we go. She swept. And I'm excited to see that's not her complete arc. It's already shifted for me, even though Gurley is not a good listener. So I got, like I said, I got notes. I'm like, you do not listen. You really need to pay a little bit more attention, but Yeah, it's an interesting concept, but again, like that first one really rides on the classic trope.

SPEAKER_00: 17:58

You heard it here first, and I'm going to give a special shout out to the Benders fan club. You all know who you are. I will invest in the ACOTAR dream. But as you were talking, I was thinking about music that swings one way of the clingy, the attached, immersed in the romance. And so I was thinking about, well, what was I listening to? I was listening to a lot of The Weeknd. Yep. Lana Del Rey. Not as much. On Tumblr. Tumblr early. Those three things combined is okay. You're not going to form anything. You're going to form some unhealthy attachments. You are not going to know how to attach to others, but especially the weekend. I was like, okay, like he's vibing. Like he's here for a good time. Not a long time. That was literally in my dating profile for the longest time here for a good time. Not a long time. I was very clear what I was interested in and what my capacity was. And sometimes I think Thank you. Would it have been nice to invest? Because I also had a really rocky situationship that went on for way too long from high school all the way into the end of undergrad. I'm like, why are you, why am I still letting you in my life infiltrate my mind, my not developed frontal lobe? Why am I letting you mess with me? And I think having that added layer to it also makes it like challenging to truly deal with. Because when people are taking up brain space, when people are taking up energy that you could be using and investing in other people, I don't have much to give. I don't know how not to.

SPEAKER_01: 19:42

Yeah, the number one thing I highly recommend is not to get into a long situationship. See, that's so funny though. The weekend, Drake, and the situationship, starter package for disaster. Even though at the same time, now I'm so removed from that time. It's like a little fun to look back on and be like,

SPEAKER_00: 20:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 20:02

I was so young and it was so fun. And you know what? We'll take the memories. Yeah, it does make it really hard to have any concept of what a healthy relationship with your friends or healthy dating looks like. I was so embarrassed about the situationship at this time. I wouldn't even tell my friends what was truly going on. If you can't tell your best friends, you don't want to tell yourself the truth. And it's a recipe for disaster. It teaches us nothing healthy. At the same time, when I'm watching somebody go through something like that, I don't want to be the girl to tell them, you got to figure it out on your own or you have to be willing to hear it. And if you're not asking, I'm not telling. You got to learn those steps on your own. At the same time, it is super beneficial for my life and understanding that if somebody is not asking for relationship advice, life advice, whatever, don't give it. Maybe they don't want to hear it. They're not in the space. and they got to

SPEAKER_00: 21:02

figure it out on their own. If they're not asking, they're typically not receptive. And so you are wasting your energy. You are creating potential unnecessary conflict when you are inserting yourself in someone's relational drama. I think we all learn the lesson one way or another. And sadly, most of the time, you've got to ride the wave out because there is still something that it is offering you, whether it's stability, whether the individual consistency is the consistency that you're used to or whether it's just familiarity it's it's so hard at the end of day to let that kind of stuff go

SPEAKER_01: 21:42

yeah no it can be really tough to let it go you're just like well didn't work out but i spent all this time so i should probably keep digging this hole nope you should probably let that hole be in move on

SPEAKER_00: 21:57

That's our developed brains now.

SPEAKER_01: 21:59

It's so easy to say now as I'm closer to 30 than I am to 16.

SPEAKER_00: 22:04

Now we look back at it and we're like, girl, move on, develop your own identity. How can you truly foster something when you're still figuring yourself out? There's still so much you're learning about yourself, 16, 17, 18. We really shouldn't be dating. It might be based on hormones, puberty, so many factors that aren't based in truly building a connection with another person? And what if we had more music, more shows, more movies that highlighted people investing in themselves?

SPEAKER_01: 22:41

That's so crazy you say that. So I have a good friend. She has a little over one year old. And before she had her, I love Disney movies. Ironically, I know princesses, we got problems, but whatever. I love Disney movies. And she was telling me, she was like, I don't really like Moana. And I was like, oh, Really? Love Moana. She's out there doing things for saving her place of living in her community. It's not a love story. We're not here to teach parenting skills. Now I've realized how much I like Moana. And I'm like, huh. So it's weird. It's like when it's you, you won't give into it maybe because you grew up in a time of the typical princess. But now that you're looking at it for your daughter, you have different opinions. So it's like It is easier for the 30 year old to look at the 16 year old and say, that's just stupid, but let's live to experience.

SPEAKER_00: 23:34

Hindsight is truly 2020, but that's so healing to not know what it looks like for yourself, but want it for someone else. Like growing up, we didn't have Moana. We didn't have, I don't remember the red haired chick name. That's the bow and arrow. Brave.

SPEAKER_01: 23:51

Don't know her name. The most we had was Mulan. Facts.

SPEAKER_00: 23:57

But she still gets it. the love story so she still has that sprinkled in there and it's and the fact that it's so hard to even think about if there are more is uh is proof enough that it is an issue and we didn't have it but the younger generation does get they get to see so many women doing badass things without a man they have the barbie movie like we literally have barbie which when we were kids was considered

SPEAKER_01: 24:28

toxic beyond belief. Even though I had a million and my mom was unscared because I drowned them in the bathtub. So she was like, I think she's doing fine. She's doing great. She was pissed when somebody gave me a Barbie though. She was like, oh no, I really was going to keep that away from you. And then someone gifted you one and then you started drowning them in the bathtub. And I figured it was all fine is what she said. That's such a digression, but the story cracks me up. I When the Barbie movie came out, because in my head, I'm like, I always loved Barbie. And then she reminded me, I drowned them in the bathtub. I was like, did you hate Barbie? And she's like, someone gifted it to you. I wasn't happy. I didn't hate it. And she's like, but there was this one day I really hated Barbie. I was like, what was the one day you really hated Barbie? She was like, I had just been really sick and in the hospital. And then my mother was really sick. My grandmother was very sick in the hospital. And we went to the assisted living community and we brought the Barbie doll and you lost one of those shoes. and you were screaming, crying in the assisted living place. Where is the Barbie shoe? And she said in that day, I have never hated Barbie more. Oh,

SPEAKER_00: 25:42

my gosh. That reminds me when I was crying because I broke my Mariah Carey CD. No. In the boom box. You know that my life was over. Barbie has a lot of princess dream movie, princess dream life movies. I played with a lot of my scene in Bratz dolls. I had maybe two. I wasn't allowed to

SPEAKER_01: 26:01

have Bratz.

SPEAKER_00: 26:02

I know. Because Bratz have that one movie but it's literally about them being like baddies like in high school. My mom was not cool

SPEAKER_01: 26:11

with that. I was not allowed to have Bratz. I think it was literally because their lips were too big and she was like she's going to get plastic surgery. Fast forward. I have a nose job and I didn't have a Bratz doll so it doesn't matter. Like

SPEAKER_00: 26:24

what are you going to do? We're all going to grow up someday yeah that's the story folks but it's even my scene dolls they were like almost neutral dolls they weren't dating what was going on with them they were like fashion girlies yes they were fashion girlies but they were like subtle fashion girlies whereas brats they were definitely the more boisterous like out there like rebellious like they had I feel the really rock star makeup head so i had the really big makeup head with the glitter versus like the barbie one which was like oh comb her hair and braid her hair

SPEAKER_01: 27:05

and we're coming out of the edge of like the boom of hot topic as well so it was like the hot girl hot topic doll

SPEAKER_00: 27:13

hot topic days

SPEAKER_01: 27:15

oh i loved the hot topic i know you look at me now i'm like miss pink princess but i was going back to my simping that alternative music like mayday parade like all that stuff for Ball out boy, throw me some big dark eyeliner and tank top with red bra straps. And I was living my life.

SPEAKER_00: 27:37

Plain white tees, all American rejects. Like you're listed. Simp culture. That is peak simp. You are listening to that because you are. Boys like girls, simp. You are devastated. If that's, if you're listening to Mayday Parade, tragedy

SPEAKER_01: 27:54

is

SPEAKER_00: 27:55

afoot. You

SPEAKER_01: 27:56

are struck.

UNKNOWN: 27:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 27:58

Heart out on, bleeding out, heart out on the table. And it was like, I, it's so funny. I bring up Boys Like Girls. I used to watch, I can't even remember the name of the song. I want to say it's something, they're in the rain. They're like breaking into a school. They're like making out. That was iconic. That was the dream. I was like, I'm going to have this relationship and I'm going to make out with people and go skinny dipping in a pool. What the fuck were we doing?

SPEAKER_00: 28:27

Literally, we're like, oh, we're going to be 16 at the pool party none of these parties look like this I

SPEAKER_01: 28:33

was like none of this looks like this there's one bottle of vodka and maybe one blood and we're all fucked up

SPEAKER_00: 28:39

we're all two turn off of the one watered down beer that somebody snuck in right in their cousin's garage alternative music is that's like tragedy that is like level 10 your heart is in shambles you don't even know how to get yourself up off the floor you are sitting in the back of the school bus crying. Is it specific? Yes. Was I there? Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 29:04

Am I potentially going to when we were young? Yes. Got

SPEAKER_00: 29:10

to.

SPEAKER_01: 29:10

We'll see how the bank account looks, but that's a whole other story. Like I said, the only thing I'm logical about is money. I

SPEAKER_00: 29:21

need to be more I need to have some more logic around money.

SPEAKER_01: 29:27

Yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 29:27

no, alternative music was

SPEAKER_01: 29:28

simple.

SPEAKER_00: 29:29

Yeah, oh, alternative music was like everything that we had when the brains were not fully developed. Insane. And if so,

SPEAKER_01: 29:38

it's like even more cringy if they're like 30 making this music and you're like oh god like that would send Gen Z over the edge to hear these songs and be like how old were you when this song was big and they're like 33 you're like whoa yeah yikes

SPEAKER_00: 30:00

really but that's because we also had Degrassi and that was wild that was messy I

SPEAKER_01: 30:09

don't think that show could exist no there was so many things off with that the irony is the trait came from it but why his character's in a wheelchair it it's after a school shooting i guess it's topical

SPEAKER_00: 30:29

Degrassi had so many shows that one encouraged SimCity and just so many toxic dynamics within relationships that just could not exist today. How is that a kid show? It was like a teen.

SPEAKER_01: 30:44

It's an adult show. It was on Nickelodeon. But it's Canadian. So maybe they're just different.

SPEAKER_00: 30:54

I think Canadians and UK TV is a little different. There's a show in Spain on Netflix that I watched called Elite. It's in Spanish so you gotta watch it with subtitles. And when I tell you these teenagers in high school having threesomes, doing coke, going to parties. I'm like, I like to forget they're 15. I'm like, what are y'all doing in Spain? This is what I'm watching. I was like, I'm

SPEAKER_01: 31:22

worried about y'all. That goes back to what I wonder about the change of simplicity to this now is I look at Euphoria, which happens to be one of my favorite shows, even though like up, down, left, there's a lot of craziness, lots of opinions there. We're not going to get in. I could break down the whole show if you wanted me to. But I wonder now because I look at the media, we have access to the phones, the TikToks. Are kids more Do kids grow up faster because they're exposed to more things? Are kids really doing coke in the bathroom? I'm sure there was some kid at some point in a high school who has, but is it just like media now makes it more normal, makes us more accessible? There are so many TikToks. Maybe I see because I'm on the older end of TikTok. It's like my sorority in 2014 and it's so cringy. And now it's like the Rush girls doing like full-blown dances. So hot, so gorgeous. so done well it starts there and it's does it trickle down and then i remember i was appalled when my 16 year old cousin told me she watched euphoria i was like that's an adult show and i'm like yet it's about teenagers so i was like you shouldn't be watching anything on hbo but then i was like and now they have pretty little liars and things like that so you should be or you can be it's just your version of the cw now i just wonder if culture has shifted us to younger generation to just grow up a little quicker like that and I don't know if it's good bad left or right you could say there's plus and minuses to everything and I'm not living that experience so I have no idea but it's just something I do wonder about

SPEAKER_00: 32:54

yeah that's such a good question I feel like the difference is I feel like this generation now is requires like an audience. So like TikTok, Instagram, everything's filmed. Everything is Photoshopped, filtered. Everything looks pretty and perfect versus when we had, we were uploading YouTube videos from like our digital cameras and we went to TikTok by Kesha. It's like apples to oranges almost. It's two different, but we also had AOL chat rooms, which is a completely, ain't no way. Close the computers down because that's a whole different story versus now it's all, I think it's much more in front of you right now.

SPEAKER_01: 33:44

Yeah. And on one side, I think it's great as an adult is that media is so present in our lives. I'm obsessed with media and I've realized that Instagram is your digital business card and that it doesn't need to traumatize you. I went through so much with social media up and down. I call it the compare and despair scroll. of dealing with social media. And I can see it as an adult and being like, yeah, I own it. I'm like, I like it. I think it's fun. I have a normal relationship that teeters sometimes into unhealthy and healthy. But as a kid, again, being exposed to it so long, not ever maybe growing out without it not being in the world, I wonder if your understandings of what it looks like on the screen and what it looks like in the real world are completely different things. because you didn't ever really have it absent from your view in the world people have always had it you grew up in 2003 or born in 2003 like it's always been here so it's very interesting and I just can't help but feel that exposure to it helps you to grow up quicker maybe also I'll give it a positive maybe it shows you more things that you wouldn't see growing up in Alabama I don't know like rural Alabama you may never leave that town and maybe you can things that you would never see in a really dark way I also think like what the news does it's always like was it this bad and maybe it wasn't but I'm like we just didn't know about it like we know about things now so I don't know media I love it at the end of the day but you gotta have some healthy boundary to walk away from it too

SPEAKER_00: 35:25

you have to really assess your relationship with media and especially I remember during the 2016 election, I had to get off of everything because the last couple had been a little wild. But that one specifically, I was scrolling through CNN. I was scrolling through everything like obsessively. And it was giving me so much anxiety to the point. I was like. I have to close down all social media. I cannot be in any, I don't want to be in dialogue with anybody. That's more like political. But even with dating though, it's like Cosmo, we've got, what are some of the main like Vogue still? We have those two that sell, like you said, sex sales. And it's so much more accessible now because you have Apple and, news on your phone. You can go get a magazine at the grocery store. You can get magazines delivered to you versus before you didn't always have like access to all of this information. And so when we think about our people growing up much quicker now, it's like. They have access to information that we either had to go get an encyclopedia for or we had to ask somebody and they would say, you're a little young. Like we didn't always know, but especially as trends circulate and as language like changes. kids are picking up on it and they're like, oh, they're picking it up so quickly because they're watching social media evolve in a way that it didn't in 2003. Yeah. I

SPEAKER_01: 37:10

think the way we receive media is so inundated. Even looking back from getting the first iPhone to having this iPhone that I have now that has everything in it. I thought the best thing was like, oh boy, I'm going to read that summary of my book that I barely read the chapter of before I go to class. But now I am I'm a huge TV girl. I want to be an actor, but I will find myself choosing my phone and watching TikTok over watching three episodes of TV instead. And it's just a change to shift. And at the same time, I'm not downplaying media completely. I feel like I sound really old. I'm like, radio is bad. And I remember this is probably what, you know, I remember when we were kids, it was turn off TV week. And then when my parents were growing up, it was probably like The radio and that music is awful. And going back to probably like ancient times when women shouldn't read, like that reading is going to rot your brain. It's just time evolves. I think it's how we choose to adapt to it. I hope that in middle schools and high schools and whatnot, that there are like the cheesy ass seminars where they talk about social media health. For me growing up, it was always drugs and DUIs, but I hope that now that there's one regarding your internet presence, because it's an important part of life and it can be super helpful. helpful in life. I use it to network. That's how we met through threads. It's been super helpful, but you do need to know what role it's going to play in your life. And also it's not the be all end all.

SPEAKER_00: 38:40

100% Miss National Day of Play. That's what the Nickelodeon one was. 24 hours. Go outside. Right. I love this conversation so much. I loved it. What would you tell somebody who is finding themselves wrapped up in media and finding that a lot of their relational habits are influenced by media? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 39:08

I would say switch your media. It's probably not media itself. It's what genre, what taste you're choosing to give into. So for instance, if you are listening to a lot of The Weeknd and a lot of Drake, you might need to switch it up and try The Rolling Stones for a little bit. Like just go so different. Or you know what? Try a podcast. Try a book. Just try something different. And then pay attention to what movies and TVs you're gravitating to. And maybe as much as the conversation Conversation reality TV is crazy. Maybe let's not watch The Bachelor, Love Island. Let's watch Survivor. You just need to shift that media and it's not forever. It's just till you get some time away from it and you remove yourself and you can come back to it and it'll be a little

SPEAKER_00: 39:53

different. 100%. Media influences our thoughts, which then influence our actions and behaviors, which then can really impact our mood.

UNKNOWN: 40:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 40:03

Marley, thank you so much for joining me today. I

SPEAKER_01: 40:05

love it. Thank you so much for having me. This was a blast. So much nostalgia. So fun.