dating, delusions & disney lies: hot takes on love with Marley Freygang

in this hilarious and honest episode, jazz and marley dive headfirst into the messy world of modern dating — from calling out simp behavior to questioning why so many of us were taught to find our worth in someone else’s approval.

they get into:

💔 growing up on mature content + media fantasies that shaped our love lives

🎬 how disney movies, rom-coms, and the weeknd sold us delusional relationship goals

📲 the pressure of performing “perfect love” online vs. the reality of dating fails

🧠 why setting boundaries with media is a self-love practice

✨ choosing yourself before choosing someone else

it’s spicy. it’s smart. it’s that post-heartbreak, main character energy we all need.

tune in for laughs, takeaways, and the glow-up mindset that’s redefining what love means in real life.

Transcript

 Welcome to all our parts. I am so excited for my guest today. It is amazing when you record with someone and then you're like, can we return around and record again? Marlee, thank you so much for joining me on my show today. Oh my God, thank you so much for having me. I'm hype. I love doing this, so let's do it.

I feel exactly the same. When you get to turn it around, it's like amazing. So I'm like, ah. Gonna sit back and relax over here,  . Yes. And so we were talking, we were like, what? We're gonna keep the dating situation going. We're gonna keep it rolling  and we're gonna start with just talking about.  How not to be a simp.

Taylor Swift made the song, Down Bad, we've all been there. We have all sat in therapy and been like,  what do I do? What, how do I figure this out? Our heads spinning, listening to Sabrina Carpenter's album over and over again. Marley,  tell us.  simp life? A simp life, I think it's when you are just you or someone you know is so stuck on.  Finding a relationship, finding love, finding compassion, compassionship, partnership, whatever it may be, and you are so stuck on it that you miss everything else going on in your life and you give sad, wimpy, energy all the time. And I also think that's probably when you start being like a bad friend as well, bad, maybe child or bad family member or whatnot, because you are so only stuck in your own bubble of sadness that you can't figure out  love or life partnership.

And  it makes me think about something a different podcaster said. Actually, her name is Alana Dunn. She hosts Seeing Other People. She was talking about how being in a relationship or my relationship status should be the least interesting thing about me. And  I think people get there once they're in a relationship, but when you're not in a relationship, or you're not happy with your dating life, you make it your whole identity.

And it's really just shouldn't be.  So when you land in Sim City, it's immersive. It takes over your senses. It takes over your perspective. Because you're so wrapped up in dating that you miss out not only on your present life, but you miss out on investing in the life that you already have, because you're constantly striving for like the next thing, next person, the next relationship. 

And I'll also give it that maybe people who newly get into relationships aren't that great either because they or we or whoever can also totally lose sight of their friendship and lives and important normalcy because you're taken up by this new relationship so it's just like  I think the biggest part of not having simpy energy or like Lovestruck energy is dating or being in a relationship is only one part of your life.

You should be full in other places what is your career? What are your personal values? What do you like to do for fun? What, are you watching on TV for crying out loud? There's just so much more going on in your life than this one element. And I'd like to say this is changing. I don't know if it is or it isn't, but sometimes women will place status on if they're in a relationship or not.

And it's yikes, that is terrifying. Being in a relationship, not being in a relationship, being single, being married, being divorced, does not make anybody better, less than, whatever than anyone else. Yet we put so much pressure on it. And that probably comes from a ton of misogyny that I would love to say is gone, but it's not.

100%. We grew up with what, 27 dresses. 13 going on 30,  the women where they're all like pining over a man, like your status is based in who you're dating, how long you're dating, and your relationship is like,  the core of your life, and then you just build around that. And I love that you also included the honeymoon stagers, like, when you get into those first five months, because it's just pure bliss.

You're like, this is brand new, this is very exciting, I want to revolve my entire life around this energy. And then you get to months six, seven, and eight, and you're like, oh,  I need to have my own identity. And that's what it comes down to. It's identity, like, where is your identity forming?

Because when you form it into a relationship,  you're like so empty when it's gone. And like, why? Why? Because it's probably you didn't keep up your relationships outside of your romantic relationship. And I honestly, it's a little bit like, that's on you. That's on you. Like you didn't keep it up.

And I have watched a lot of girls  say that to other women when they're in it. And then they're like, one day you guys are going to break up or you're not going to be together. And that's. All you're gonna have and then who are you without them  and that's on you like you didn't keep it up So like you want to make sure your life is equally full no matter what your relationship status is  Have you ever caught yourself in Sim City? 

Of course. I think I can speak so strongly about SimCity because I was SimCity for so long. This goes back all the way to high school. Middle school, Jesus, probably elementary school. This runs deep. I was definitely,  it's so weird. I wonder what people would say about me looking back, but also they probably wouldn't give two cents to even think about me anymore.

But like growing up. I was such a  hopeless romantic, like I, wanted to have a boyfriend by like fourth grade, and I was probably just fine and cute, but I felt like I was always just so next to being cute, or fine and cute, probably why my podcast is called Confessions of a Wannabe It Girl, that feeling of feeling like you're so close to being it, but not.

And so I think I lived in Simpness forever. I loved romantic music, like I would.  to high school Drake, and think about my toxic relationship I didn't have and romanticize all this stuff. It's just shit in my head that just wasn't real and it went on for so long in my life and  honestly nobody had the audacity as they should have just shake me out of it.

And I could never make a relationship work until I met my fiancé like I, I never could. I was simping left and right. I was too clingy. I was too, like asking for too much too quickly. I was the definition of simping. Before simping was probably a word because even though I like to pretend I'm a Gen Z, I'm very much millennial.

And yeah, I just always, I was always craving love, attention, whatever. And I think when I actually moved on at the ripe age of 21, the perfect time to not  look for, true relationships, I ended up finding one. So I don't know.  We love that. Yeah. And you are an it girl. What are you talking about? 

Please stop. You're an it girl. That's the thing. Everyone is an it girl. You just have to recognize that you're, you have to give that self your power. Nobody else is gonna give it to you. We're all not all waiting for Jimmy Kimmel to tell Kylie Jenner that she's an it girl. You have to give that your you have to give that to yourself.

Yeah.  This is so interesting. Cause I feel like I,  In undergrad, especially, I fell on the opposite end. My friends knew me as the girl with unsaved phone numbers, and so I would sit in  public spaces, like at games, and they'd be like, Jasmine, who are you talking to? And the list of unsaved numbers would, I'd say, different day.

I loved  To date, I didn't have a lot of attached dating experiences. I've had maybe a couple of, serious relationships, but all of my dates were, like, pretty unattached. We would go to parties, we would go,  bowling and stuff. But,  and this even goes back to the episode that we recorded together, I never  allowed myself to fully invest emotionally in the relationship and then it wasn't until I got out where I'm listening to Drake, Cruel Love, where I'm crying.

Oh my god, that's the song. Literally  the song. I'm crying my eyes out. I'm like hurt. I'm like, oh, am I a secret lover girl at heart? Like I'm listening to Mariah Carey. We belong together. Like we were supposed to get married and  I'm like, what am I doing? I'm supposed to be playing the field so I'd have to snap out of it.

But I never allowed myself to sit in that space when I was dating to be like, Oh, this is like a relationship that I need to nourish, that I should want to foster. And  I was also going after people who are also unavailable.  And so the dynamic just worked out.  Yeah, it's so weird. I have a, I have such a flip flop.

Like I was always looking to get invested. I was always like, I'm a very emotional person. The only thing I'm slightly logical with is money and everything else is run by emotion in my life. And so I was always looking let's get into this let's get the emotion. And that's a lot for people to come on that strong.

And then I was like, Oh,  faking it till you make it of trying to like maybe just like date and mess around and you know i was drunk i was 21 i don't know what to tell you i don't know what happened like you know it is what it is and i'm glad i had that phase too as well. So it's a weird polar thing.

I think I had a natural trajection of going through it, but the high school sim thing was rough.  Yeah. So that's what I'm wondering. Is it a,  how we choose our dating style? Is it a natural tendency? It is it influenced by  media, what we see on TV, or is it a mix of the two? I think it's a mix of the two, but I can speak so much more on the media elements.

I feel as though  music hugely influenced me. I remember when I was trying to get over a very long situationship that I was in for way too long, like, all  the way through being in college,  I really had to flip myself out of it. Bye not listening to like romantic or like toxic music. I was just like, all I need to listen to is party rap. Like I can't listen to anything else.  And it's subconsciously, I think media affects us.

And, you find it also at the same time, it's great to get into your car and bawl your eyes out. Don't get me wrong. I still do it.  And I also watched then what I was watching on TV. And I realized how much like things like Gossip Girl. Loved that show to death. Was definitely too young to be watching that in middle school.

Was like innately affecting my ideas of what I thought a healthy relationship looked like. Or even just healthy friendships. They're awful to that whole friend group. So looking into the what we set in media is just so unrealistic. Rom coms don't happen.  To me, a successful relationship is very stable, you feel less anxiety, you're very comfortable to say you're uglies, you're happies, and you're truthfuls. 

Rom coms are exact opposite, I don't know what it is that makes us think this is entertaining to watch, and we should keep watching it, and just innately affects us. It, there's no way that your subconscious doesn't see this, especially when you're so young. My parents have a lovely relationship.

Whatnot. But I never really, I didn't have siblings, so I never saw anybody else dating and whatnot. So this was what I thought life should be like. And, even at 18 and 19, you're still, your brain's not developed till you're like 26. So that is affecting you. So I just feel as though the whole image of media,  Doesnately affected.

And then, God, I can only imagine what it's like now to be a high schooler and seeing on social media that perfect, skinny girl and the really buff, beautiful Ken boy be together and, they make TikToks in the street. I can only imagine. What that does to like relationships. I begged my fiance to make TikToks with me and he sometimes does it.

And sometimes he doesn't. I don't know. It's, there's a lot of ridiculous standards set out, but it's interesting. It's entertaining. We want to watch it. And I don't know. It ain't great. Yeah. Love that we're both only children, by the way.  Only children squad. I love it. So I'm, yeah, it's so fun.

But yes, it's, social media now portrays everyone's highlight reel every, and so two hyper attractive, like two 20 out of 10s together filming their best life on a boat on vacation, edited filters,  layered,  and we're like, Oh, this is what the idol relationship looks like. And then we can go all the way.

Back to sex in the city where they're all like the basis, the core group of their friendship. is about like Sarah Jessica Parker's character getting a man and it's right that is the distinction of her life and I'm not a sex in the city girl like I never got into it I don't know maybe it was like subconsciously I noticed that or like I was just a little too young to be into it even though everyone around me loves that show is obsessed with it I never got into it but yes that is the thing I have to say and I'm also an actor that is my main LA goal as everyone else fucking says but Is to be.

In acting, and it does annoy the crap out of me to look at scripts, look at media, and see that 90%, I would say it used to be like 95%, of good roles from women, the main point is her relationship, or her relationship Like, journey, getting the relationship, or the ending of a relationship. It's women are just so much more  than that.

And I can only speak about being a woman because I am a woman. I'm sure the man experiences more than just hucking wood and providing for females, too. But I don't know. I just, it is so annoying to me that, and I cringe whenever I get.  And it even annoys me in acting class that how often we will have, they're called love scenes.

That doesn't mean sex. It's just the typical boy meets girl or girl breakup boy. I'm like, why is it every scene that the girls get handed in class? Like they're like the damsel versus can we just have two girls maybe having a conversation about like work, not working out and how they're going to it just doesn't happen and they're not considered the tropes in the acting industry or film industry.

It does actually annoy the crap out of me. And I always I tell my fiance this, I'm like, I'm watching TV and I'm like, Oh, like Westworld for instance. I'm, I love Westworld. Maybe the last season it got a little crazy. But the first two seasons, I'm obsessed with Ed Harris character. He plays the man with the black hat.

His part is so interesting. Not once is it really, truly true. About love. It's about this complex obsession with Dolores and then the world. And the part is, the obsession with Dolores ends up becoming the smallest part of his story. And that's the main character, the girl, in the story. And the story is so much more about the world.

Why do the girls so rarely get that storyline in other TV shows? It's a jumping off point. the obsession and then it becomes something else. I like want to say it's like the dream that we're sold. That we get swept up off of our feet by some man and he saves us and our helplessness goes away. Actually, it gets reinstilled.  And we're like, yes, this super strong man has saved me and I can fall madly in love with him. And it's oh my gosh, why are we teaching it?

Cause it's in Snow White. That's literally the story of Snow White, Sleeping Beauty. And so  why are,  When did,  that's probably too far back. When did that become a selling point? I think it goes into the category of like sex sells as well. Like it's just it, it just worked. So like media has continued to portray it and media comes down to dollars, comes down to eyeballs, comes down to money.

And even if it's reading, look at the books that are the most popular as well today. Don't get me wrong. I'm deep into a court of thorn and roses as well, but even so twilight was like the shit it, that is what sells. Maybe it's because we love to romanticize romance, and it continues to be a selling point, and it works.

I'm not saying it's great, but money talks, I cannot escape ACOTAR.  Can I tell you that everyone I know is talking about this book right now? I literally was at pickleball yesterday  and she was like, I should have brought my Kindle with me if we were gonna sit here. 'cause then I can read aar, my like friend group is up.

Like they're gonna be obsessed when they hear that. I'm even mentioning it and giving it some free promo right now.  But it is. It is sweeping the conversation, so I might have to, I might have to get into it. I could, I, I got notes. I always have notes. My favorite thing is to go to anything, read anything, watch anything.

Even if I loved it, I have notes. I have notes about Agatar, of course. But, I'm into the second book, and I'm happy to see where the progression is going. But, I will say I think you gotta if you're gonna do it, you have to really commit to the entire thing. I think you can't just read one of them, because  the main character in the first series, see, we're talking about this, again, she is stronger,  and then she ends up swept.

And I was like, oh, here we go she swept, and I'm excited to see that's not her complete arc. It's already shifted for me. And even though,  Girly is not a good listener. So I got it. Like I said, I got notes. I'm like, you do not listen. You really need to pay a little bit more attention, but, yeah, it's an interesting concept, but again, like that first one really rides on the classic trope. 

You heard it here first and I'm gonna give a special shout out to the Benders fan club. You all know who you are. I will invest in the ACOTAR dream.  But as you were talking, I was thinking about music  that swings one way of the clingy, the attached, immersed in the romance. And so I was thinking about well, what was I listening to?

I was listening to a lot of The Weeknd. Yep. Lana Del Rey  on Tumblr. Tumblr early.  Those three things combined is okay, you're not going to form anything. You're going to form some unhealthy attachments. You are not going to know how to attach to others, but especially the weekend. I was like, okay, like he's vibing.

Like he's here for a good time. Not a long time. That was literally in my dating profile for the longest time. Here for a good time. Not a long time. I was very clear. What I was interested in and what my capacity was. And, sometimes I think,  would it have been nice to invest? Because I also had a really rocky situationship that went on for way too long  from high school, all the way into the end of undergrad.

I'm like, why are you, why am I still letting you in my life? Infiltrate my mind, my not developed frontal lobe.  Why am I letting you mess with me? And I think having that  added layer to it, it also makes it like challenging to truly deepen connections with other people. Because when people are taking up brain space, when people are taking up  energy that you could be using and investing in other people, it's I don't have much to give.

I know I shouldn't be giving it over here. I don't know how not to. Yeah. No, I, the number one thing I highly recommend is not to get into a long situationship.  See, that's so funny though. The Weekend, Drake, and the  Situationship, starter package for disaster. Even though at the same time now I'm so removed from that time, it's like a little fun to look back on and be like, I was so young, and it was so fun, and you know what, we'll take the memories. 

Yeah, no, it is it does make it really hard to have any concept of what a healthy  relationship with your friends or healthy dating looks like. I was so embarrassed about the situationship at this time, I wouldn't even tell my friends what was truly going on. Yikes. If you can't tell your best friends, you don't want to tell yourself the truth.

And  it's a recipe for disaster. For disaster, and it teaches us nothing healthy at the same time.  Like, when I'm watching somebody go through something like that,  I don't want to be the girl to tell them, you gotta figure it out on your own, or you have to be willing to hear it. And if you're not asking, I'm not telling.

You gotta learn those steps on your own. At the same time, it is super beneficial for my life in understanding that  if somebody is not asking for relationship advice,  life advice, whatever, don't give it. I, it, maybe they don't want to hear it. They're not in the space, and they gotta figure it out on their own.

They are the main character, and their story is just as much as you are in theirs. And yours. Not in theirs. God, I hope not in theirs.  If they're not asking, they're typically not receptive. And you are wasting your energy, you are creating potential, unnecessary conflict when you are inserting yourself in someone's relational drama.

I think we all, Learn the lesson one way or another. And sadly, most of the time you've got to ride the wave out because there is still something that it is offering you, whether it's stability, whether it's like some, whether the inconsistency is the consistency that you're used to, or whether it's, just familiarity. 

It's it's so hard.  At the end of the day to let that kind of stuff go.  Yeah. No, it can be really tough to let it go. You're just like,  didn't work out but I spent all this time so I should probably keep digging this hole. Nope. You should probably let that hole be and move on.  That's our developed brains now.

Yeah, no, I know. It's so easy to say now. As I'm closer to 30 than I am to 16. 100%. Yes. Now we look back at it and we're like, Okay.  Girl, move on, develop your own identity, and that's even, to even circle back to that as well. How can you truly foster something when you're still figuring yourself out?

Like you're still, there's still so much you're learning about yourself, like 16, 17, 18. That  we really shouldn't be, like, at some apart, we shouldn't be dating. There isn't,  it might be based on, hormones, puberty. Just so many factors that aren't based in, truly building a connection with another person.

And what if we had more music, more shows, more movies, that highlighted people investing in themselves?  That's so crazy you say that. So I have a good friend, she has a little over one year old, and before she had her, I love Disney movies, ironically, I know. Princesses, we got problems, but whatever.

I love Disney movies. And she was telling me, she was like, I don't really like Moana. And I was like, oh, really? Love Moana, she's out there doing things for, saving her place of living in her community. It's not a love story. And then she had her kid and, at first she didn't let her watch any TV and now, she's a little over one, occasionally they throw the TV on, whatever.

We're not here to teach parenting skills. She's now I'm like, she's now I've realized How much I like Moana. And I'm like, huh.  So it's weird, it's like when it's you  won't  give into it, maybe because you grew up in a time of the typical princess.  tail, but now that you're looking at it for your daughter, you have different opinions.

So it's it's, it is easier for the 30 year old to look at the 16 year old and say that's just stupid. Or whatnot, but let's lived experience. So I, it is a hindsight to 2020. Hindsight is truly 2020, but that's  that's so healing to like, not know what it looks like for yourself, but want it for someone else.

Like growing up, we didn't have. Moana. We didn't have,  I don't remember the red haired chick name. He does the bow and arrow brave. Don't know her name. We didn't have that. And so the most we had was Mulan  facts,  but she still gets the love story. So  she still has that sprinkled in there. And, it's, and the fact that it's so hard to even think about if there are is a, is proof enough that it is an issue. 

And we didn't have it, but the younger generation does get they get to see so many women doing badass things without a man. They have the Barbie movie, like we literally have Barbie. Which when we were kids was considered toxic beyond belief.  Even though I had a million, and my mom was unscared because I drowned them in the bathtub.

So she was like, I think she's doing fine.  She's doing great. She was pissed when somebody gave me a Barbie, though. She was like, oh no I really was gonna keep that away from you. And then someone gifted you one, and then you started drowning them in the bathtub, and I figured it was all fine, is what she said.

When the Barb that's such a digression, but this story cracks me up. I asked my mom when the Barbie movie came out, cause I, in my head, I'm like, I always loved Barbie, and then she reminded me, I drowned them in the bathtub. I was like, did you hate Barbie? And she's someone gifted it to you, I wasn't happy, I didn't hate it.

And she's but there was this one day I really hated Barbie. I was like, what was the one day you really hated Barbie? She was like I had just been really sick and in the hospital and then my mother was really sick. My grandmother was very sick in the hospital and we went to the assisted living community and we brought the Barbie doll and you lost.

One of those shoes and you were screaming, crying in the assisted living place. Where is the Barbie shoe? And she said, in that day, I have never hated Barbie more. 

Oh my gosh. That reminds me when I was crying because I broke my Mariah Carey CD. No!  In the boom box.  You know that my life was over. But that's again,  it's so interesting. We fall in two different sides of the pendulum. So Barbie has a lot of princess dream movie, princess dream life movies. I played with a lot of my scene in Bratz dolls.

I had maybe two Bratz. Oh, I know. Cause Bratz have that one movie, but it's literally about them being like baddies, like in high school.  My mom was not cool with that, I was not allowed to have brats. I think it was literally because their lips were too big and she was like,  she's gonna get plastic surgery.

Fast forward,  I have a nose job and I didn't have a brat stall, so it doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter what toys you buy.  What are you gonna do?  We're all gonna grow up someday. Yeah. That's the story, folks. But it's even my scene dolls, they were like, almost neutral dolls. They weren't  dating.

I don't remember what was going on with them. They were like, fashion girlies. Yes, they were fashion girlies. But they were like, subtle fashion girlies. Whereas brats, they were definitely the more,  Boisterous, like out there, like rebellious, like they had, I feel the really rockstar makeup head.

So I had the really big makeup head with the glitter versus like the Barbie one, which was like, Oh, comb her hair and braid her hair. And we're coming out of the edge of like the boom of hot topic as well. So it was like the hot girl, hot topic doll.  Ooh, that is a scary. That's a scary time.

Hot topic days. Oh, I loved the hot topic days. I know, if you look at me now, I'm like Miss Pink Princess, but I, what, going back to my simping, that alternative music, like May Day Parade, like, all that stuff, Fall Out Boy I, throw me some big eyeliner, dark eyeliner, and tank top with red bra straps and I was living my life.

I'm laughing because I literally get it. Mayday Parade  had some really good ones.  Plain white tees, all American rejects, like you're listening to Simp! Simp culture! That is peak simp. You are listening to that because you are Boys like girls a simp. You are devastated if that's if you're listening to Mayday Parade,  tragedy. 

You are struck,  heart out on bleeding out, heart out on the table. And it was, like, I, it's so funny, I bring up Boys Like Girls. I used to watch,  I can't even remember the name of the song, what is it? It's something, they're in the rain, they're, like, breaking into a school, they're, like, making out. That was Iconic.

That was the dream. I was like, I'm gonna have this relationship and I'm gonna make out with people and go skinny dipping in a pool. What the fuck were we doing?  Literally, we're like, oh, we're going to be 16 at the pool party. And then I was always down tissed  because I'm like, none of these parties look like this.

I was like, none of this looks like this. There's one bottle of vodka and maybe one blunt and we're all fucked up.  We're all too turnt. Off of the one watered down beer that somebody snuck in from their cousin's garage. Alternative music is that's like tragedy. That is like level 10.

Your heart is in shambles. You don't even know how to get yourself up off the floor. You are sitting in the back of the school bus crying. Is it specific? Yes. Was I there? Yes. Am I potentially going to when we were young? Yes,  got to, we'll see how the bank account looks, but that's a whole other story.  Like I said, the only thing I'm logical about is money. 

I need to be more, I need to have some more logic around money.  Yeah, no, alternative music was so  Yeah, oh, alternative music was like  everything that we had when the brains were not fully developed. Insane. Like insanity.  And were their brains fully developed? I don't know. Were they?  I don't know.

And if so, it's like even more cringey if they're like 30 making this music and you're like,  God, like that would send Gen Z over the edge to hear these songs and be like, how old were you when this song came out? song was big. And they're like, 33. You're like, Whoa.  Yeah. Yikes.  Really? But that's because we also had Degrassi and that was wild. 

That was messy. That was, I don't think that show could exist. Yeah. There was so many things  off with that. The irony is like Drake came from it, but like, why? His character's in a wheelchair,  it's after a school shooting, I guess it's topical.  Degrassi had, there are so many shows that won Encourage SimCity, and just so many toxic dynamics within relationships that just could not exist today. 

How is that a kid's show?  It was like a teen,  because it was on a, it's an adult show. It's on, it was on Nickelodeon. Yeah, you right. Yeah, it was on, but it's Canadian, so maybe they're just different. I think Canadians and UK TV is a little different. 'cause there's this Yeah. Show in Spain on Netflix that I watched called Elite, or  it's in Spanish, so you gotta watch it with subtitles.

And when I tell you these teenager, like in high school.  Having threesomes, doing coke, like going to parties. I'm like.  I like, I forget they're 15.  I'm like, what are y'all doing in Spain that this is what I'm watching. I was like,  I'm worried about y'all that goes back to what I wonder about, the change of simp city to this now is I look at you for it, which happens to be one of my favorite shows, even though like up, down, left there's a lot of crazy as well.

It's opinions there. We're not going to get in. I could break down the whole show. You wanted me to, but I wonder now because I look at the media we have access to Okay. The phones, the TikToks are kids more, do kids grow up faster because they're exposed to more things? Are kids really doing coke in the bathroom?

I'm sure there were some kid  at some point in a high school who has, but is it just like media now makes it more normal, makes us more accessible? There are so many  TikToks. Maybe I see because I'm on the older end of TikTok. It's Transcribed by https: otter. ai it's like my sorority in 2014, and it's so cringy, and now it's like the Rush Girls doing like full blown dances so hot, so gorgeous, so done well it starts there, and it's does it trickle down and then, I remember I was appalled when my 16 year old cousin told me she watched Euphoria, I was like, that's an adult show, and I'm like,  it's about teenagers, so I was like, you shouldn't be watching anything on HBO,  But then I was like, and now they have pretty little wires and things like that, so you should be, or you can be. It's just your version of the CW now, so I just wonder if culture has shifted us to  the younger generation to just grow up a little quicker like that, and I don't know if it's good, bad, left, or right. You could say there's pluses and minuses to everything, and I'm not living that experience, so I have no idea, but it's just something I do wonder about.

Yeah. That's such a good question, I feel like the difference  is, I feel like this generation now  requires like an audience, so like TikTok, Instagram, everything's filmed, everything is photoshopped, filtered, everything looks pretty imperfect versus today's.  when we had, we were uploading YouTube videos from like our digital cameras and we, to TikTok by Kesha, it was a, it's like apples to oranges almost.

It's it's two different,  but we also had AOL chat rooms, which is a completely, ain't no,  close the computers down because that's a whole different story, versus now it's all,  I think it's much more in front of you right now.  Yeah, and it's, it, and on one side, I think it's great as an adult, I, it's that media is so present in our lives.

I'm obsessed with media  and I've, I've realized that Instagram is your digital business card and that, it's, it doesn't need to traumatize you. I went through so much with social media up and down, I call it the compare and disparate scroll, of dealing with social media.

And I can see it as an adult. And being like, yeah, I, I'm into social media. I own it. I'm like, I like it. I think it's fun. I have a normal relationship that teeters sometimes into unhealthy and healthy. But as a kid, again, being exposed to it so long, not ever maybe growing out without it not being in the world.

I wonder if your understandings of what it looks like on the screen and what it looks like in the real world are completely different things because you didn't ever really have it absent from your view in the world. People have always had it, even grew up in 2003 or worn in 2003. Like it's always been here.

So it's very interesting and I, it just can't help but feel that like that exposure.  To it helps you to grow up quicker, maybe also I'll give it a positive, maybe it shows you more things that you wouldn't see growing up in Alabama, I don't know, like rural Alabama, you may never leave that town and like maybe you can see things that you would never see, in a really dark way, I also think that's  Like what the news does.

It's we're always like, was it this bad? And maybe it wasn't, but I'm like, we just didn't know about it. Like we know about things now. So I don't know, media.  I love it at the end of the day, but You gotta have some healthy boundary to walk away from it, too. You have to really assess your relationship with media, and especially,  I remember during the 2016 election, I had to get off of everything. 

Cause, the last couple had been a little wild. But that one specifically, I re I,  I was scrolling through CNN, I was scrolling through everything,  Like obsessively. And it was hair, it was giving me so much anxiety to the point. I was like,  I have to close down all social media. I cannot be in any I don't want to be in dialogue with anybody.

That's more like political, side of it. But even with  even with dating though, it's like  Cosmo we've got, what are some of the main like Vogue still, we have those two that sell, like you said, sex sales. And it's so much more accessible now because you have Apple  News on your phone. You can go get a magazine at the grocery store.

You can get magazines delivered to you versus before. You didn't always have like access to all of this information. And so when we think about our people growing up much quicker. Now it's like 

they have access to information that we either had to go get an encyclopedia for, or we had to ask somebody and they would say, you're a little young. Like we didn't always know, but especially as trends circulate and as language like changes,  kids are picking up on it and they're like, Oh,  they're picking it up so quickly because they're watching social media evolve in a way.

That it didn't in 2003.  Yeah, I think the way we receive media is so inundated, even looking back from getting the first iPhone to having this iPhone that I have now that has everything in it. I thought the best thing was, like, oh boy, I'm gonna read that summary of my book that I barely read the chapter of before I go to class.

That was a big hype. But now I am a huge TV girl. I want to be an actor, but I will find myself choosing my phone and watching TikTok over watching three episodes of TV instead. And it's just a change, it's a shift. And at the same time I'm not  downplaying media completely. I feel like I sound really old, and I'm like, really as bad.

And I remember, this is probably what You know, I remember when we were kids, it was turn off TV week. And then when my parents were growing up, it was probably like the radio and that music is awful. And, going back to probably like age at times, when women shouldn't read, like that reading is going to rot your brain, it's just time evolves.

I think it's how we choose to adapt to it. And I hope, I have heard that there is like a few programs out there that, I hope that in middle schools and high schools and whatnot, that there are like The cheesy ass seminars where they talk about social media health. For me growing up, it was always drugs and DUIs, but I hope that now that there's one regarding like your internet presence, because it's an important part of life and it can be super helpful in life.

Like I use it to network. That's how we met through threads. Like it's been  super helpful, but you do need to know how, what role it's going to play in your life. And also it's not the be all end all.  100 percent Miss National Day of Play.  That's what the Nickelodeon one was. Twenty four hours. Go outside.

Marley, I love this conversation so much. I loved it. What would you tell somebody who is finding themselves  wrapped up in media and finding that a lot of their relational habits are influenced by media.  I would say switch your media. It's probably not media itself. It's what genre, what taste you're choosing to give into.

So for instance, if you are listening to a lot of the weekend and a lot of Drake, which honestly love them, you might need to switch it up and try the Rolling Stones for a little bit, like just go so different, go. So out there. Or, you know what? Try a podcast. Try a book. Just try something different.

And then pay attention to what movies and TVs you're gravitating to. And maybe as much as  the conversation about reality TV is crazy, maybe let's not watch The Bachelor or Love Island. Let's watch Survivor. Very different. You just need to shift that media. And it's not forever, it's just  till you get some time away from it and you remove yourself.

And you can come back to it and it'll be a little different. 100%. Media influences our thoughts, which then influence our actions and behaviors, which then can really impact our mood.  Marley, thank you so much for joining me today. I love it. Oh my god, thank you so much for having me. This was a blast. So much nostalgia. So  📍 fun.