saturn return got me in a chokehold (but like, in a healing way)

in this solo episode of all our parts, host jazzmyn proctor gets up close and personal about her saturn return—a cosmic season of shakeups, self-reflection, and stepping into alignment. ✨ she dives into the life shifts she’s been navigating, from evolving relationships to career pivots, and what it means to truly show up with authenticity.

jazzmyn shares how she’s been leaning into advocacy, launching bold new projects (like her substack on the mental health care system 👀), and honoring her values in real-time. this episode is all about setting boundaries, moving through fear, and becoming the version of yourself you’ve always felt calling you forward.

come for the astrology, stay for the honesty. 🎙️💫

Transcript

 Saturn motherfucking returns. Let's talk about it. Hi, I'm Jasmine Proctor. I am the host of All Our Parts, and this is my first solo episode. In a while I was feeling nudged to kind of talk about what's been going on because I've had a lot of changes I feel like happened in my life, but I've also had my audience grow, which I'm so, so grateful for, like.

When I started making this show,  I would not have even dreamed that people would be listening to it. And it truly become such a passion. It is something I look forward to doing. I'm so, so grateful for my guests who take the time out of their day to share. Their wisdom with me, with my audience.

And so, yeah, I have loved the journey that all our parts has taken me, and I look forward to continuing to see this grow and kind of see what happens with it.  But today we are gonna talk about  Saturn. Returns.  If you are not an astrology girly, and you don't know when a Saturn return is, it is a period in your life between the ages of 20 and 30 where Saturn.

The planet of responsibility and structure returns to the same position as it was in the sky when you were born. This period is, expected to create a huge shift, lots of introspection, and you are going to experience a lot of transitionary periods in your life.  As some of you know, I have had a pretty hectic last couple of years, and so I really thought maybe I experienced a  premature Saturn return.

Like this year I would be crushing it living, thriving, and I mean, I am like living  thrivings, like debatable, but who's really thriving in this like.  Old climate that we're in right now.  Um, but I am living and I am crashing out like big time. Like if I'm crashing out, it's a hard crash out. Like, I'm like, what is going on?

What is happening in my life? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I thinking this way?  It has been.  Exhausting at times. Uh, it has been  exciting at times to kind of be able to reflect on the fact that the only person that's holding me back from creating the life that I want is myself.  It's been a lot of grief and loss losing a version of me that.

I once could not wait to see  losing friends, losing  like interest that I used to have and having to kind of re-explore who I am with a more developed frontal lobe. And  there's just so  much  that has like come with even.  This last like couple of months and so I like Saturn returns are are pretty real. I, I think one of the biggest,  I've always been a stickler about my time, but. 

I have been almost like very  conscientious of how I spend my time, where I spend my time, who I spend my time with. Even when I think about guests to bring on the show, even when I think about, uh, potential people like I could collaborate with, I am, I'm like, is this going to fuel me? Is this going to energize me?

Is this going to inspire me when I think about time that I spend with my friends? Like, is this going to energize me? Is this like something that I really want to do? Is this something that I feel like I have to do outta obligation or history to this person?  And I, I find myself exploring so many things that  I used to like, think about. 

But not in this way. Like I think about the choices that I make and how these choices can impact me three years from now, five years from now, how this can impact my image.  And I am also  in a space where I want to be more authentic, upfront,  and so.  Those two things when I think about them, like the conscientiousness and the authenticity used to be really incongruent for me because I used to feel super conscientious about how I showed up, and I would kind of morph how I showed up depending on where I was.

So if I was in  grad school, I felt like I needed to be serious, needed to show up a certain way, depending on the friends I was around. I felt like I needed to show up a certain way.  And my conscientiousness would shift  how I would essentially show up. But now I'm in a conscientious space of  I'm not going to change how I'm going to show up,  and I get to be thoughtful and choose the spaces that I place myself in. 

And so it's a big difference to.  Really continue to think about what I look like in the picture that I'm putting myself in,  because a lot of times I look at events that have happened in my life. I've looked at  choices that I've made and I'm like, wow, that like really impacted that person. Or, I'm doing this because I, I think this person deserves better, but. 

I realize I also deserve better. Like I also  get to choose. I also get to stand in alignment with my values, with what I believe is important, and if that means  the other person doesn't like it,  that's not mine to carry. And I know you hear it on the internet.  How a person responds is not yours to carry.

Not gonna go Mel Robbins on you all today, but it is true, like how a person responds to your boundaries, whether they choose to acknowledge them, respect them, how a person responds to the capacity that you have, how the person responds to you is a reflection of where they are in their life.  And frankly, I am not in a position where I'm going to surround myself with people who cannot meet me halfway  because I have done a lot of bending in my life.

I have been very flexible, very understanding and  my life, and I have, if someone could even meet me a quarter, I was like, great. That's all I need to meet you the rest of the way there. And in that process, I was largely abandoning myself. Again, I was shifting how I showed up, shifting my needs to  meet that person and maintain that person.

And where does that come from?  Unstable attachment wounds early on, feeling like I need to beg people to choose me, beg people to stay, not having emotionally capable people growing up.  I could go all into it, but  the point is,  I am not in a space where I am going to  meet someone  if they can't even meet me at the door. 

And  so that has come with a lot of, I think, some harder conversations in some of my friendships and honestly like.  That is expected. As we grow, as we evolve,  as our needs change, we like have to have these conversations within our friendships, and I am learning how to  rupture and repair better.

That's something that I didn't get to learn. Growing up, and so I am grateful for these conversations that I've been able to have with my friends and being able to be in a space with my friends where we may not talk every day, we may not see each other all the time. We're all busy. We are all kind of creating our own path forward.

But when we get together, it feels like no time has passed. I just went to dinner with a friend and. We reflected on that a bit and it was just so nice and I was like, oh my gosh, like, I love you. Like regardless if I've seen you in like six months, like you are still, a very meaningful part of my life.

And so  with my Saturn return, I'm really, really  evaluating my relationships, my professional ones, my personal ones, and really just taking.  Note of  what feels good and what doesn't. And thankfully I've also been meeting people,  sometimes like very serendipitously who can meet me where I am and like they're like people that I've been waiting for, like my entire, like they're just relationships that instantly feel good  and it's been.

Really encouraging.  Even when I look at my work right now, I just started a substack. You can find it under Jazz one. I'll link it in the show notes as well.  I started a column called Misdiagnosed and Dismiss the cost of bad mental health care.  And it is a space where I share my reflections, my thoughts on the shifts that need to happen within the mental health system in order for it to be sustainable, in order for it to progress in the way that the world needs it to. 

It has been a  project that I began due to  shifts in my life, shifts in my work, and.  It been a really healing  outlet for me, continuing to post consistently on socials.  And I've also been able to kind of level up where I'm able to produce my podcast. So I started using buzzsprout and really starting to invest in. 

Where the show goes and so putting it on Bus Sprout allowed me to get my show on YouTube. And yeah,  I recognize, that advocacy has always been a really important aspect of my life. I went to the first Women's March.  I handed out lunches dur when, uh, black Lives Matter protests were really. 

Rampant in the city.  I, volunteered. Worked as a sexual assault prevention leader in undergrad, advocacy and showing up for people has always been  a very vital part in my life. And I believe through the Saturn return, I am learning  other ways and really starting to identify what advocacy looks like.

In my life long term, how it, will take a large shape in  my life and my work. It's really  excited to be reconnected with that part of myself. Because in grad school, I mean you're just tired. You're trying to get through your internship hours, you're trying to do as much of the reading as you can.

You're trying to.  Really just survive. And then I'm almost a year into my business starting, which is a huge milestone that I'm grateful for,  but it is  also coming with,  again, a lot of introspection. What is my career going to look like? What do I want? My relationships to look like, to feel like, what does my relationship to myself look and feel like?

I talk a lot about self abandonment, building self-trust, taking risks.  Uh, I'm looking at my March mantra and its fear is boring,  and so I'm leaning into this idea of fearing less. I believe that being fearless is. Unrealistic,  uh, and fear is a healthy like response that we have. It is a reminder to put our seatbelt on when we're driving.

It is our reminder to not touch a hot stove.  It's our reminder to be safe, make sure we tie our shoes when we're running.  So my goal is to not be this fearless person, but just to fear less.  And to go after the things that are meaningful to me. The things that I value and I believe are important and are more  in line with where I am. 

And that's really what I've got going on. I am accepting new clients in Maryland and dc I'm also. Going to start promoting my coaching offers a bit more consistently  scary and makes me nervous, and I don't know why. I was so glad. My friend, um, Emily, she like called it out. She was like, why are you scared?

I was like, I dunno.  But I realize how a lot of imposter syndrome has shown up in my first year of business. And so being able to learn from the challenges, from the growing pains that I've had, uh, feeling more confident in what I have to offer and feeling more confident and, what I'm able to produce is  like 90% of the battle. 

And so I appreciate all of you being on this journey with me. I'm going to link my website and my substack, everything will be in the show notes and it was so great, catching up with you, chatting with you. Let me know what you all want to hear. Uh, shoot me a DM on Instagram.  Let me know some guess maybe I'm trying to.

Plug a few of my friends to get on here.  You know who you are,  but  let me know what you want to hear me riff about. And I am going to try  and do more solo episodes because I do like them. I just sometimes don't always have something to talk about,  but I'm actually realizing there's so much, like there's literally so much to talk about.

So  until next time,  bye. 📍