How Your Relationships Are Draining Your Creative Energy

Your creative energy is like a sourdough starter—it needs the right ingredients and care to grow. But have you ever considered that the people you keep in your life are part of those essential ingredients?

Welcome to Part 1 of our three-part series, "The Unseen Architecture of Visibility," focusing on the profound impact of your relationships on your creative field and entrepreneurial journey.

In this bold and accessible episode, host Jazzmyn dives into the concept of a relationship audit and challenges you to evaluate who gets a seat at the table of your creative mind.

You'll learn:

• The Sourdough Starter Analogy: Why your creativity is a baking process and how "rotten ingredients" (toxic or unsupportive relationships) can cause it to fail.
• Setting Creative Boundaries: How to conserve energy by deciding what you share and who you share your big visions with—especially when dealing with people who can't meet you where you are.
• The Power of Peer Groups: The undeniable value of intentional peer support, networking, and why you cannot reach your goals alone. Learn about the influence of mentors and colleagues committed to the same level of growth as you.
• Quality Over Quantity: Why you need to know where to bucket people in your life (friend, acquaintance, collaborator) to avoid limited reciprocity and protect your space.
• Depth vs. Frequency: How showing up with intentionality and curiosity in your core relationships allows you the flexibility to be there for them without feeling inconvenienced.

If you're an entrepreneur, creator, or visionary who feels their visibility is hindered by the emotional weight of their relationships, this episode will give you the practical permission and framework to protect your energy and expand without guilt.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Are you sitting with thousands of hours of B-roll content and telling yourself, I'll start posting tomorrow? Are you in your head worried about your friends and family thinking your friends were choosing to be visible? Are you chasing trends instead of building influence? Welcome to the Visibility Standard where the visionaries of today are changing the rules of their industries and letting their voice be heard. I'm your host, Jasmine, and we are setting the standard. We're going to be talking about relationships, what you consume, and the beliefs that you have about yourself and your creativity. Today we're kicking it off with relationships. I don't know about you, but my relationships take up every part of my heart, of my mind. I'm always thinking about ways that I can show up for the people around me to be intentional in my relationships, to build depth, even if there isn't frequency, and to just be present. I'm also really passionate about maintaining my creative space. And so those relationships have to align. And that sometimes requires me to do a relationship audit. When I first discovered relationship audits, it was through Eliza Kelly's book, This Is Your Destiny, using astrology to manifest your dream life. At first, it might sound weird to sit down and audit your relationships and be like, okay, is there a give and take? Is there reciprocity? Do I feel energized when I'm around this person? Does this person mean the best? Do I feel good when I receive feedback from this person? At first that seems odd, but it's actually so important because when you think about your creativity, think of it as a bubble. Think of it as a relationship between you and your source. Think about it as a sourdough starter, right? We have to feed a sourdough starter. We have to maintain it. We have to take care of it. And if we are not putting the quality care that it requires for it to grow, we won't have a good sourdough starter. Our creativity is a baking process. You've got rotten eggs, if you've got expired flour, if you are so careless with the baking process of your creativity, it is going to fail. Part of those ingredients are the people that you keep in your life. I am someone that has struggled with abandonment, that has struggled with really maintaining relationships, holding on to relationships too long. I am a relational therapist because I have experienced maybe far too many hiccups in my relationships, then I would like to admit. So I am in this season right now where when I think about maintaining my creative field, that includes the relationships that I have in my life. If I am making the effort to spend time with people, to connect, to even talk with on a regular basis or a casual basis, it needs to offer something for me. And all of your relationships do not have to be work-centered or growth-centered. However, all of your relationships should offer you the space and capacity to grow. Having people around you who encourage you to think beyond your limiting beliefs, to think beyond what seems possible for you, to even brainstorm and think about ways to continue evolving. Those relationships are so important to maintaining your creative field. Again, because I am someone whose relationships live in their heart, in their mind, it is so important for me that I have depth in my relationships, that there is safety, that there is trust and respect in my relationships. And this also includes people that I collaborate and partner with in my work. Whether it's a podcast interview, whether it's someone that I am building a partnership with on a long-term basis. I may not need the depth. I don't need the fulfillment that my personal relationships give me, but we do need to be aligned in values, and there needs to be a mutual benefit to that relationship. If it's a partnership that's really only benefiting them, I'm not super interested in it. I need to know that there is a mutual investment. For this conversation, though, I'm going to focus specifically on personal relationships because those personal relationships take up the bulk of my energy field, and I'm sure they take up the bulk of your energy field. The first tip I want to offer is that you get to maintain boundaries in those relationships as it relates to what you share about your creativity. There are some relationships daydream. Like, I mean, you get to be transparent, you get to share, you get to be so open with them because they're on the same energy field. Like you win, I win. I win, you win. Your growth is my growth, and vice versa. Like, I want to see you win. That's what I'm about when it comes to my professional growth. I want to see you win just as much as I want to win. And if we can do that together, even better. There are some people who aren't there yet. There are some people that are sitting with insecurity, that are sitting with their own limiting beliefs and they can't get out of their way. You don't have to write them off, but they might not be the person that you would go to when you are dreaming big, have this big vision for yourself because they may not be able to meet you there. A lot of us get disappointed when we have friendships that can't meet us in a certain place, and we really want to have that person there with us. When the truth is they probably can't meet you there. And that's not a failure, that is not a reflection on anybody. It's just where both parties are. To intentionally invest in those relationships. The second point that I offer is have peer groups, peers around you who are committed to the same level of growth that you are. And I mean, there's no dream too big kind of people, which is harder to find than I expected. I have worked with various supervisors in different work settings. I've had different colleagues. I would say one of the most influential co-workers that I have had. His name is Walladi. He just really shifted my perspective on what it meant to build a legacy. While we were working together, he was in entrepreneurship. He was building something to support his local community. He is originally from Liberia, and so he was building out essentially a general store where people could access medications, food, water, and he would be a one-stop shop for his community. And the protection of this vision that this man had while we were working together was so admirable. Like every choice, every step that he made, he was so locked in on his values and what the mission was for his business, how many times he would need to travel, the people he would need to have around him to see this vision come to life. I wasn't in the space at the time, like to really understand it, but I was definitely like taking notes and just watching in admiration because I was still very much in a space where like you work for somebody else and you give them your heart and soul and you expect the same in return. I hadn't yet gotten to the place where the person that you work for could definitely like screw you over. And so watching him build something while being in a space that he wasn't necessarily happy with, I had so much respect for. And having him in that space, I will say changed the trajectory of how I saw my work going forward. Even as I was going into grad school and starting this process of becoming a therapist, I had this new fire under me that I wanted to build something, build something that would last, build a legacy beyond working for somebody. And as I've continued to build experience and knowledge and connections, I'm starting to see that come into fruition because of the relationships that I have in my life. I have an amazing supervisor that supports my growth beyond clinical work, who I am fortunate enough to be so transparent with about what I'm working on and getting her feedback on all the things. And I have a really great partner and I have really amazing friends who are in the same space. When a lot of people ask me about social media and what it's like to consistently be in this space of creating, I say the community that I have built is why I've stayed as long as I have. On those days where I'm not getting any engagement, when I'm not reaching new audiences, when I'm making zero dollars. The community that I'm building, the people that I am continuing to meet, makes it so worthwhile. So many people often look at social media as an opportunity to scale their business or make money or to find new clients. Yeah. And there is still so much power in building a network, having people that if they were in a room with other people, if they said your name, they would have nothing but great things to say about you. They would love to refer you to an opportunity and allow that wealth to be shared amongst the group. Networking is still so important. If you are a helper, if you are in the wellness space, you are an entrepreneur, if you are a founder, building that network is so valuable. You cannot get where you want to be on your own. You can sure as hell work your ass off. You can be motivated, you can have the resilience, you can have all the things. Nothing beats having the people around you that can support you in getting where you want to go, who can direct you to opportunities, who can redirect you and offer feedback to be better. I think not only have the people that I surround myself with support me in being better, but they also offer the pe feedback in areas that I can grow in, areas that I may not be the sharpest in. Becca is so business savvy. I mean, that girl knows her stuff, and if you ever have the opportunity to work with her, I highly recommend it for your business. She is who I go to. If I've got a business question, if I'm not handling paperwork in the way that I need to, if I'm not setting rates that I need to, I go to her. And in return, when it comes to content, when it comes to visibility, when it comes to marketing, she comes to me and being able to have that support and connection is so valuable, but she is also an a core part of my personal life as well. And so having someone that I can bounce these ideas off with and be like, eh, also I'm having a shitty day. Like having those people around you is so special. It is life-giving because it allows the space to feel worthwhile. In the space that I am in, I don't have a lot of capacity like for competition within my relationships. And I don't have a lot of capacity for limited reciprocity. If I am pouring into you, if I am taking the time, the energy to connect or build an intentional relationship with you, to some degree, I do need to know that it is in return. And I say that to say my third and last tip is know where to bucket people in your life. Not everybody is your friend. There are people who are merely acquaintances, who are merely work buddies, who are people you may record with or share this one specific facet with, but not everybody is your friend, and not everybody needs to be your friend. Again, I spoke earlier about struggling with abandonment and really craving that connection and community. I have had to learn, not everyone is my friend, and not everyone needs to be my friend, and that's okay. Because I have recognized the space that people take up in my mind and my heart. That just isn't feasible when I think about the ways that I want to show up. Quality over quantity. Yes, I would rather have four quarters over a hundred pennies because I can't keep up with a hundred pennies for one. And it starts to feel really heavy. Pennies get lost more easily, hard to keep track with, and there's a lack of substance when I'm carrying a hundred pennies. Now, if I've got four quarters or even ten dimes, you know, I can keep track of that a little easier. I do love a good analogy, clearly, and this episode is filled with them. Do not come for me. Just take it in, take notes, write it down. But yeah, quality over quantity. I don't really have a lot of space to be gossiping. I love the occasional tea and I watch Real Housewives to fulfill that part, but I don't have a lot of space to be talking about other people or, you know, what they're doing. I'm really not focused on how other people are handling their own business or doing what they're doing because that's taking my vision and presence away from what I'm doing. Grace McCarrick is one of my favorite content creators over on TikTok, and she talks pretty consistently about the 70-30 rule. 70% of her conversations with the people in her life are energizing, they are upbringing, they are growth-oriented, drama, messiness, anything that takes uh the energy and creative sphere and dims it at all. Only 30% of those conversations. And then if you recognize that there's somebody that's exceeding that 30%, or your energy is just not in it, you get to set those limits, you get to set a boundary, or you get to reevaluate the place that that relationship has. I've been talking a lot on short form this week about the difference between depth and frequency, and basically how you can have frequency in your relationships without necessarily having any depth. And you can have depth in your relationships without necessarily having frequency. The difference is that depth requires intention, depth requires a level of curiosity with the other person. Like, are you interested in their day-to-day? Are you interested in getting to know them and understanding them? And the season of life that I am in. And if you are also in a space where you are working to maintain your creative space, you are building those pillars that support your creativity and being to sh being able to show up online or in your life, make an impact. The relationships that I require require a level of intention and curiosity. Otherwise, what are we doing? Like when I think about really anything that I do nowadays, I do ask myself, why am I doing this? What is the value? It can be fun, it can be connection, it can be catching up. But every choice that I make when it comes to my relationships, there is a love. Of intention that is required because the larger purpose is maintaining my creative bubble, is maintaining my creative space. Showing up in these relationships with the intentionality and depth that I desire also allows me the flexibility to be inconvenienced by these relationships. If they are needing me to show up for them, if they are asking for my energy or attention, it's not an inconvenience for me because I want to. I want to be a part of their village. I want to show up. We have built that depth. We have built that connection and community. They are extensions of my life. They live in my mind and my heart. And so it's not an inconvenience when they ask me to show up. It's not an inconvenience when they want to talk through something. That's because the trust, respect, the reciprocity has been built for me to feel that way in the relationship. So that's it on relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts. I would love to hear what season of life you are in. Are you someone that is building intentionality? Are you someone that is more interested in people that you can have fun with, people that you can create with without having the expectation or the obligation for that relationship? I love hearing your thoughts. You can let me know under the podcast, or you can let me know at Healing with Jasmine on all major social platforms. I love talking with you all. Thanks so much for tuning in. I'll see you on Friday.