Queer Parenting, Fertility, and Finding Your Niche on TikTok with Christy Leonardo

What if the thing you’re afraid of—being perceived—is the exact doorway to your next level?

Jazzmyn Proctor is joined by Christy Leonardo (CGO at Alcea Surrogacy, four-time surrogate, and TikTok creator) for a conversation that’s equal parts real, funny, and freeing. Christy opens up about surrogacy, queer parenting and fertility, and what it’s like to create content while your life is actively changing.

If you’ve been telling yourself “I’ll post tomorrow,” or you’re worried your friends and family will think you’re cringe—this episode will meet you right where you are and move you forward anyway.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Are you sitting with thousands of hours of B-roll content and telling yourself, I'll start posting tomorrow? Are you in your head worried about your friends and family thinking your friends refusing to be visible? Are you chasing trends instead of building influence? Welcome to the Visibility Standard, where the visionaries of today are changing the roles of their industries and letting their voice be heard. I'm your host, Jasmine, and we are setting the standard. I am so excited for my guest today. I have been following her on TikTok for a little bit and just seeing so many big transitions. And honestly, I love having a podcast because it means I get to talk to people that I really want to talk to. Christy, thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for having me. So tell us first about your work. Your CDO of Alcea Surrogacy. How did that journey begin?

SPEAKER_01: 0:57

Yeah, so back in 2020, when essentially the world was shutting down, somebody I had known for a very long time within the surrogacy world was launching her new business, and that was a surrogacy agency. We were both former surrogates. We'd met each other when I first started in the surrogacy world on a message board. And she asked me to come on to help her build the business so that we could make sure we were providing access to everyone who wanted to build their family and we wanted to make sure we were being very inclusive. We want to embrace diversity and we wanted to uphold ethics because obviously in the fertility world, ethics is very important. So when I came on to work for her, I wasn't really working full-time at that time. I had some other gigs. I was working for another service agency. I had some side gigs. I had left like a previous corporate role and I was doing like that stay-at-home mom hybrid slash doing gig work. And so it was perfect timing because I was able to be at home and help build a business for hours on end. And so now we do about 100 to 150 matches a year. And so we get to help a lot of families build very beautiful experiences. And yeah, it's very fulfilling and rewarding.

SPEAKER_00: 2:22

You all's team also is such a reflection of the inclusivity that you speak to, like so many different spaces, so many, so many different faces, so many different body types, and really just speaking to that your business who you are looking for is every woman or person who's able to carry a child.

SPEAKER_01: 2:42

Yes. And that was really intentional. It was very important to us that we show everybody what a surrogate looks like, right? And so we all come in different shapes, sizes, colors. And also we felt like surrogacy is at the core base of it is a female, right? Is a woman who is carrying a baby for another family. And so it really should be reflective of that. So the majority of our employees are all female, right? We're female owned and operated. And everybody on our team has had some type of a experience with third-party reproduction. So whether that's surrogacy or if they were a former intended parent, or maybe they worked with family building in some way or donor conception, something along those lines. They have some kind of lens to bring and experience to bring to the table. So it was really important for us to have this inclusive ethos and really, you know, put our money where our mouths are, right? So we want to make change and we want to amplify the right kind of voices and provide access to everyone. We have to make that reflective in who we employ as well.

SPEAKER_00: 3:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 3:54

And you've been a surrogate too, right?

SPEAKER_00: 3:56

I've been a surrogate four times for two different families. Tell us about that journey. Why is that so special for you too? I remember sitting on a live and hearing you talk about it and your face just lit up because I could tell the immense joy you felt being able to support someone in building their family.

SPEAKER_01: 4:20

Yeah. So usually when I tell people that I've been a surrogate, they say something along the lines like, wow, that's such an incredible gift. It's like a priceless thing you could do for somebody. And while I do agree with that, it's an incredible sacrifice. I also feel very humbled by it because it was very rewarding for me as well. And so when I first got into surrogacy almost 20 years ago now, I was first actually interested in egg donation. And I had already had two children of my own. So that idea led me to possibly surrogacy because that was a little bit bigger of something that I could do to make it an impact on somebody's life. And surrogacy is unique because what you see mostly now is gestational surrogacy, in which you're not contributing your DNA, right? So this embryo is created either from the intended parent's DNA or donor or both. And then you are just the womb carrying that baby, helping to nurture it until birth. So that's also, you know, a bigger impact that you can make that maybe doesn't affect your life as much as being a donor. However, my first three journeys I did, I actually did use my egg. So those three children, they're all for the same family, two gay men that I love dearly. And that completed their family. So I had three children for them, and I thought, okay, I'm done. I did something great in the world, and now I can retire and move on with life. And so I ended up doing reciprocal IBF with my partner at the time. And so we took my partner's eggs, we had a sperm donor, and then we created embryos, and then I had a child. And that child's 10 years old now. But when she was about four years old, I started kind of getting the itch again. I was asked to do to write a couple blogs for various media, and it had me thinking about surrogacy. And so when a friend approached me about doing it again, I thought, okay, maybe I'll just do one more. And so I did a gestational surrogacy at that time. So that child's not biologically related to me, heterosexual couples. So it's a much different experience. And it was still just as fulfilling. I still get updates. I get to see how all of these children grow. Actually, the first child I had via surrogacy just got his driver's license. So it's kind of interesting. Yeah, like these milestones that that I get to be a part of, but I have, you know, actually no like parental responsibility, which is very nice.

SPEAKER_00: 7:06

And now you share about surrogacy motherhood a little comedy on TikTok. I do. That was how you got started into creating content.

SPEAKER_01: 7:17

So I was one of those people that during COVID, when everybody was downloading TikTok, I said, What is this app? This is just a waste of time. Why are people on this? And why are people dancing? And I thought it was so silly. So I actually didn't create an account until a little bit later. I think maybe it was like 2021 or 2022. And I created it for the purpose of my business to try to just share, you know, information. And I did a couple very cringy when I look back at them now posts. And they really didn't go anywhere. And so then I kind of let it lie for a while. And then I came back when I wanted to just have a creative outlet and connect with other moms on the internet. And so I started creating like lifestyle mom content. And I was spending a lot of time creating that content. And I was getting very few views. I was not gaining a lot of followers. I think that, you know, I'm 43 now. And I just think that the market for that motherhood content is really geared towards like 20-year-olds and maybe even like young 30-year-olds. So it just wasn't working. And then I just started having fun with TikTok. And I was like, you know what? Now I'm just going to use it as a creative outlet for whatever I want. And I kind of put like a little hot topic lesbian video out of talking about how I don't like Crocs and Taylor Swift. And oh my gosh, if you talk about either one of those things on the internet, I think they're hot button topics. And so I got a lot of views and then a lot of followers off of that. And so then I kind of started just creating lesbian content and tried to mesh it in with who I am, which is like kind of girly. I love makeup clothes and things like that. So I was creating those videos and they did really well. And so I think TikTok told me what my niche was, and that's the direction that I went into. And then just recently I created a new account to share information about, sorry, excuse me. Information about surrogacy, third-party reproduction, fertility, you know, because I have a lot of experience with that and that world. Queer parenting. I don't think we have enough content about queer parenting and what that looks like. So we'll see. It's brand new, but I'm kind of you know doing both of those things for content right now.

SPEAKER_00: 9:48

Yeah. What's been the most rewarding and challenging parts of creating content?

SPEAKER_01: 9:55

I think the most rewarding is connecting with people online that you might not have before. So I've met a lot of really incredible people. And also I just think TikTok, out of all the social media platforms, it really is healing. Like a lot of people say that they've discovered so many new things by just watching other people's videos. And I agree with that. I definitely feel like I found a place where I felt community where I never did before. And so I keep gravitating towards that platform and I hope it sticks around and I hope that we can keep that same kind of culture because it's been really rewarding for me. I think the downside is like any social media, when you start to get a little too invested in follower count, view count, engagement, because you do spend a lot of time creating. And when you don't, it can be a little discouraging. So I think it's one of those things where you just need to check in with yourself and say, hey, am I still enjoying what I'm doing? Am I creating content for the purpose of myself or is it for others? Is it a combination of both? Because I do think there's value in that as well.

SPEAKER_00: 11:17

I definitely see like the rise in conversation around people wanting to be content creators or wanting to have content like as a profession. And it's like the key thing is you really have to enjoy it first because you sit at 50 views for a long time. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 11:37

What's funny is I just talking to you now, I just put this together, but it's kind of like surrogacy if you think about it. So getting into surrogacy, a lot of people think a woman is doing this for the money, right? So people might think like people are doing social media for monetization for money. But at the core of it, you have to actually enjoy what you're doing and want to do it for that personal fulfillment. Otherwise, it's not a quick paycheck. It's never going to be easy money. You really have to be committed and dedicated. And then if you're enjoying it and you're also benefiting from it monetarily, I think that's like the magic recipe.

SPEAKER_00: 12:15

Oh my gosh. That's like a fire analogy because I'm, yes, content is something you have to nurture. It's something that builds over time. It's something that you learn. You have to really kind of like pay attention to it and enjoy it. And it is like bringing a different life into the world. It's it's a creation that you're bringing into the world that takes time, effort, energy, and patience. I think that's been a big muscle that I've had to exercise in like creating content for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 12:48

And I think both of those things also meet adversity, right? So people tend to look at social media creators with a negative light, just like they look at surrogates in a negative light. When if you think about it, why do people care so much if somebody is creating? I liken social media to art sometimes. So like you're creating an art or you're putting your voice out there, it's a platform. And people can subscribe to that or not, right? Like, so we all have different tastes in music and art. It doesn't mean we have to listen to everything or watch everything. And it's the same with social media. Seriously is the same, it's not for everybody, and that's okay. A lot of women will say, I could never do that. And I say, That's right, not everybody can do this, and it's good if you know you can't do it that you don't try and do it.

SPEAKER_00: 13:38

It's not meant for everybody. Exactly. It doesn't have to be. I saw something recently, and I'd love to get your take on it. Uh, someone was speaking to how when creators get to a certain point, they're making that money and their lifestyle changes. You rec you recognize okay, they are making more money. Uh, and then the same audience that uplifted them and got to got them to that point is now like, why are you flaunting your money? It's not a real job. Like the if they'll do a what do you think of that?

SPEAKER_01: 14:13

I mean, I think that anybody who starts to gain more financial capital is going to probably change their lifestyle, and that's normal. I think what's a little bizarre is changing your core values and principles. And so I think no matter how much money you have and gain, you know, wealth is something that can go up or down. I don't think that it should change your personality. It shouldn't, it might change your lifestyle, right? Perhaps you do have different friends, you're living in different neighborhoods, but I still think you should have that humble, you know, beginnings type of origin story. Um, I actually grew up very poor. And so I always reflect on how grateful I am to be where I'm at now. I've never had anybody, you know, give me a leg up. I actually have definitely had to build my own, you know, life myself. And who knows, if I ever became wealthy, I would hope I wouldn't change my attitude and my principles and values. But I definitely, it is sad to see that with larger creators because I think they gained their following by people who felt they could relate to them. And so then if they're not relatable anymore, why are they following them?

SPEAKER_00: 15:46

Did people assume your surrogacy journey was for money based on your upbringing?

SPEAKER_01: 15:55

I think a lot of people do assume that most surrogates are getting into surrogacy for money. And I do think that surrogacy compensation is well deserved. It's very important. Everybody should be compensated for what they put themselves through. A surrogate is the at most risk, right? She could lose her life and she's a mother. She's could be a wife or partner. That impact is great. And so surrogacy compensation is something I deeply believe in. I do think that the amount you ask is a personal thing. My first three journeys were very, very low compensation. Even all three added up today wouldn't even meet what the minimum compensation women are making. And so I can definitely say I wasn't in it for the money. Did it improve my life? Of course. It improves everybody's lives. We went on trips. I even paid off like some small debts. There's various different things that women can do with their compensation that I think can be very helpful. But a surrogate has to be financially stable in order to do surrogacy. So that's another misconception where people think women are doing this in order to survive or for monetary purposes because they feel like they have to. And that's just simply not the case. Because if you really break down the total length of time you're doing this, you're making pennies per hour. Like it's not really fast money. There's other ways to come up if you need to. But yeah, that assumption's always there when you tell people.

SPEAKER_00: 17:29

Yeah. Where do you think the misconceptions about surrogacy come from? Because I mean, you're carrying a life for nine months, you're planning with a family to bring this life into the world. I don't know if there's any amount of money really that could fully compensate for what a woman offers and puts their body through to do that. So, where do you think the negative conceptions really come from?

SPEAKER_01: 17:59

So I think that one, there's always gonna be people who feel uncomfortable, right, with this idea of somebody carrying somebody else's baby because having a baby, being pregnant, going through that process is really the social standardized thought is this is a man and a woman who get married, then they have a child together, right? So I think the thought is that this is a very intimate experience, and it is. I think the parties involved in it just depend on how you know somebody builds their family, and not everybody can get pregnant. Or let's talk about queer parents, right? You need a third party in order to conceive because you can't do that with two same-sex partners. But I think the misconceptions, besides people feeling like it's odd and strange and weird, would be like media, stories. I don't know how many movies and books I've seen that it's like the surrogate mother is positioned as this like either poor or destitute woman, or she's like having an affair with usually it's like the man in the relationship, and then they're having a child together. And and those situations are not real, right? So those are not real life surrogacy situations, those are really made-up like telenovela style stories that people find interesting because I think we're all addicted to the T. We're all addicted to those salacious stories that we see online. And if surrogacy can be positioned in that same way, then people gravitate towards those stories and those get amplified versus, you know, oh, these two people had a surrogate and everything was great. Nobody's promoting that story because they just they're not gaining any kind of entertainment from it, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00: 19:56

100%. I think a lot of what we see sometimes. In media and news is like entertainment purpose, what's going to get the most clicks. I think that's right now where I'm really struggling with social media is everything needs to be clickworthy. You want to have the first hot take or you want to have the first idea out there so you can get the most views. And I really struggle with it sometimes.

SPEAKER_01: 20:22

I think that is probably another downside to social media, especially with TikTok or any video content platform, because people's attention spans have really reduced. So it can't just be where you get on and start speaking within that first one or two seconds. You have to do something to keep your viewer engaged or they drop off. And it's really interesting that now we're even in this time where you need to have two, three, four, five hooks to keep somebody engaged in a 27-second video.

SPEAKER_00: 20:56

Yeah. What's the future of content for you?

SPEAKER_01: 21:01

I think that's a good question that I'm still exploring as well. So I'm still just having fun, but I think because I'm so close to, you know, everybody has that milestone of 10,000 because after you reach 10,000 followers, you can monetize. So obviously that's a goal of mine because I think that would be fun, right? That would be really cool to do something like that. Because when you spend a lot of time on creating a video and it gets so many views, you want to return on that investment. But I don't know, I've lately have been thinking a lot about it, and I think I just want to create content that I feel like maybe makes people laugh, makes people feel seen and heard. You know, I've been going through my own healing journey and I love sharing content that's related to that, but I also like to share like lighthearted and funny things too, because I want to be relatable to people. I want to bring value to people's lives. And I think that's just kind of where my content is headed. I want to definitely use the newer account that I created for educational purposes, but keep my own kind of font on it, right? My own style. And I've been dabbling a lot with like doing content with my girlfriend too, and doing like funny lesbian content together. And we have a lot of fun doing that. So I think we're gonna keep doing that too. Even if we just if we don't get a lot of views, it's it's fun for us and it's time well spent together.

SPEAKER_00: 22:36

What has it been like to create at such a transitional time for you?

SPEAKER_01: 22:42

It's been up and down, right? Because one, you're being very public with people, so it's very vulnerable to share personal information. But I also find it to be very healing because so much of my trauma I've kind of hacked away and suppressed and hid for so many years. I mean, I think prior to TikTok when I was on Instagram, that's a very curated space. So I look back at my posts and how I was only sharing the good things and only sharing like this kind of high-level view of a curated life, and that's just not real. And so I kind of like this a little bit messy area where people can feel like, hey, that's me too. I'm going through that same thing, or you never know what somebody's going through, right? And there are times when I think some people are in very dark spaces. If they see somebody else that's relatable on the internet, it can help them. And I think that that's really important. And I think we need to stop being so worried about putting forth this image that's perfect and wonderful. And so even though there's things that are uncomfortable, I think it's like it's good for me, right? It's pushing me, it's helping me grow, and that's really what I need right now.

SPEAKER_00: 24:06

I think that's one of the biggest reasons why people gravitate towards TikTok over Instagram, is that tick tick, TikTok really introduced this storytelling aspect where people were coming on as themselves, just woke up eating lunch, and they're sharing aspects of their story versus Instagram. You've got to put it on a cute carousel or you've gotta light up your grid. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 24:36

And I still think there's value in that. I mean, I still like to have some like photos that are, you know, like really nicely looking, like a food or of, you know, whatever you're doing. That's very lifestyle on brand. But I think for TikTok, it's good to do, you know, various different mediums of content. So you can do something funny, you can do something serious, you can share something in the moment. Trends, trends are fun too. I mean, it's just like a good way for us all to have a little kiki together without having to be in person, right? It connects you virtually, and that's really, really nice.

SPEAKER_00: 25:18

Yeah, it's a lighter medium. I'll go and one thing I learned was like cross-posting. And so I would make something on TikTok and try and put it on Instagram, and I learned that okay, not everything lands on Instagram, and then I'll go make something on Instagram and be like, damn it, on TikTok.

SPEAKER_01: 25:37

I had a viral video on Instagram and not in a good way. That literally everybody on TikTok thought it was cute and funny, but on Instagram, I was roasted, and it was just interesting, like the various different types of people that are on each platform. And it's yeah, I'm back at TikTok. It's more fun over there. I still have an Instagram, but it's just a little bit different of an audience.

SPEAKER_00: 26:07

Definitely, yeah, it'd come a little differently for exactly. Exactly. Well, Christy, I loved talking with you. Thank you so much for your time today. Where can people find you if they're interested in checking your content out and learning more about surrogacy?

SPEAKER_01: 26:24

Yeah, so my main account on TikTok is Christy with a C, and that's S-E-A. It's a funny little pun. And that's where I kind of create like more lighthearted and lesbian content for my profession, more professional, although it's still very silly and fun. That's Alt Conceptions, so ALT conceptions, and that's where I'm gonna be sharing a lot about queer parenting, fertility, surrogacy. I'm gonna probably start putting some like stories and some surrogacy tea too, because even though there's a lot of ethics and things that we uphold within our own agency, there's a lot of bad, you know, actors in this world too. And so we want to call out when people are doing things like that too. So I think there'll be some fun stories to be shared.

SPEAKER_00: 27:14

Oh, I'm excited to see this journey unfold. Yeah. Well, everything will be linked in the show notes. Thank you again for joining me.

SPEAKER_01: 27:22

Thank you. It was great.