The Question Nobody Asks Men: Being Child-Free by Choice as a Woman with Kylie Lambert

In this episode, Jazzmyn sits down with returning guest Kylie Lambert, therapist and content creator, to have the honest, nuanced conversation that so many women are desperately searching for. Kylie shares what led her to start speaking publicly about her child-free life, why the decision required years of ongoing conversation with herself and her husband, and what it felt like when that choice became permanent.

Together, they unpack the grief that can exist alongside fulfillment, the visibility it takes to share a life that defies expectations, and why women are still bearing the weight of justifying choices that men make with ease.

This episode is for you if you've ever felt like you had to explain, defend, or shrink your identity just to make others comfortable with your choices.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why Kylie started sharing her child-free journey on social media — and what the response taught her about community
• The ongoing conversation she and her husband had over 11 years before making a permanent decision
• How grief and fulfillment can coexist — and why that duality is rarely discussed
• What it means to be the "fun aunt" and still be deeply invested in village-building
• The internal work required to stand firm in a non-traditional lifestyle choice
• Why visibility as a child-free woman online still comes with a unique kind of social risk

Transcript

Kylie Lambert and Jazzmyn Proctor

[00:00:00] Are you sitting with thousands of hours of B roll content and telling yourself, I'll start posting tomorrow? Are you in your head worried about your friends and family thinking you are cringe for choosing to be visible? Are you chasing trends instead of building influence? Welcome to the visibility standard where the visionaries of today are changing the rules of their industries and letting their voice be heard.

I'm your host, Jazzmyn, and we are setting the standard.

Jazz: One of the things that I have loved most about podcasting is getting to meet some very wonderful people, and I'm so excited to have Kylie Lambert back with me today. She was originally on to talk about healing that inner mean girl, and today we are bringing the conversation of being child free by choice to light.

Kylie, thank you so much for joining me today. 

Kylie Lambert: Thank you so much for having me back. I'm honored you wanted me to come back and chat and I love how we're kind of pivoting from silencing your inter mean girl, which kind of goes into, I [00:01:00] think, what we're gonna talk about into mm-hmm. Child free lifestyle and how more and more women are choosing to be child free by choice.

Jazz: Yeah. It is a, it's very prevalent and it's so helpful when people. Know that landscape. And it's so interesting how valuable that information gets to be. Like there's this overarching assumption that everyone wants kids, and so when you get to bring into the space, like actually I don't want kids, I don't have a desire to have kids.

It offers space for the nuance around what it means to live without kids. 

Kylie Lambert: Oh, absolutely. And I feel like it's met with a lot of questions. I think in the early days of me sharing my decision, it was met with, like you said, a lot of pushback. Why everybody wants kids. Mm-hmm. Just you're, that's just what you do.

You grow up, you get married, you have kids, or you grow up, you have kids. Like whatever [00:02:00] the conversation was. And I think there needed to be more of a space where. This is just talked about because of all the nuances behind it, and I think to your point, it really does talk about, I think at the end of the day this is a conversation of like, how do you feel confident in the choices that you're making and how do you also feel fulfilled in your life, however that looks, kids or without kids.

Mm-hmm. 

Jazz: That goes into my first question I wanna ask you. What led you to want to start sharing about this journey online? 

Kylie Lambert: I think honestly, basically from my own need, my own experience with I am now in my mid thirties. And more and more people in my life or are having kids are at this point having their first, or we have a like, or it's like we're onto our second third.

And I feel like the last couple years I have experienced a level of loneliness in my choice, even though this is a choice I feel very strong about and very [00:03:00] fulfilled by. But a level of like looking for. Like-minded women in a community to talk about this decision to be child free. I mean, while the number, there was a recent study that came out and I need to find the article.

There was around the beginning of the year and it basically alluded, I'm probably butchering this a little bit, but it basically said that by year 2031 in four women between the ages, I think the age range was like. 22 to like 42 something or like something around there will be child free. And it just made me realize that even though I am feeling lonely, there is obviously people out there that are walking the same path as me and I wanted to create that space for women or just really bring delight the conversation, especially on social media.

I feel like there is a lot of space on social media and which is like, which is great, but like for moms and moms talking about thing and mom influencers. Mm-hmm. Even within our therapy space of like therapists for moms, you know, postpartum, prenatal, which is needed. [00:04:00] Absolutely. I'm glad those resources are out there, but I also felt like let's also make room for those who may be growing and building their life without children.

Jazz: Yeah, and that ignited me to reach out and be like, Hey, I'm child free by choice too. And it's so interesting because I was exploring what that was like to share that facet online as I've been thinking about what self-disclosure online looks like for me. And that was one of the key things that came up.

So I was so excited when I saw that because. It gave me permission to say, you know what, like, let's talk about it. Let's show up and talk about, you know, I'm not choosing the traditional lifestyle of having a kid. It's, I'm building a life, building a village, and not necessarily needing that support from having a child.

Kylie Lambert: Yeah, I, and that's, I think when you talk about self-disclosure, I think this was [00:05:00] something that I had been like on and off the fence with of how do I wanna share this online? Because I think as we know, and I know you talk a lot about like showing up in spaces and self-disclosure and transparency and all that, but it can feel like when you're online, you're opening yourself.

Or at least in my experience, so like a whole new level of criticism. You know, it's one thing if I'm sharing this with people who are in my lives or that I feel comfortable with, but social media can be a wonderful place. Obviously it led, has led us to connect. Mm-hmm. But it can be really scary if you get on the wrong side of the internet with a lot of people, with a lot of opinions and really quick to.

Jump and snap. And I feel like the nuances of being child free, especially as a woman, have unfortunately what I've encountered, at least on social media or what I've seen, some of the comments when people have shared things about being child free is there's a lot of negativity towards women. Mm-hmm.

There's a lot of that. Oh, you're selfish. You are, you know. A lot of just talking down, you'll never know love, like you're gonna regret [00:06:00] this. Just a lot of like very nasty things, especially towards women who are child free. Mm-hmm. And so it felt like, okay, if I'm going to share this, I have to be one.

I know I'm confident in my choices, but I have to be open to like, okay, I am opening myself up to a new level of potentially criticism by sharing this topic that. Can be very emotional, especially with the viewers online. And so like, it's been really fulfilling to have been like, I'm gonna talk about it, I'm gonna share this.

And then, but also like, it's also led to a lot of connection too. I think most importantly, I mean, I, in doing so, I've had so many more people reach out and engage with my content. I did when I wasn't sharing this, which I thought was just really interesting, even from the mom community, which at first I was like really nervous to kind of be like, Ooh, if I say I'm, am I isolating?

j: Mm-hmm. Oh,

Kylie Lambert: orange number of women who are already engaging with my suffer or who are out there on social media. And honestly, it's been like, you go, I'm so proud of you. We need more women talking about [00:07:00] like their decision to be child-free. There's a lot of mom content out there. We need this too. And it's been so wonderful that it's mostly brought like.

Community and village building than being cast out. 

Jazz: Yeah. The level of self-awareness it requires to accept, I'm not interested in having children, but also being able to stand firm in that choice takes a level of self-trust that regardless of how people who feel about it, unless you have.

Explore that concept for yourself or come to terms to that for yourself only would truly understand what it is like to stand firm in that choice and being able to share it is also a level of authenticity. So I'm not surprised that people reached out to you because it's a level of sharing and. I would say in watching your content, it allowed you to step away from the bubble of just focusing on content, around healing your inner critic.

[00:08:00] It was more about you as Kylie, 

Kylie Lambert: and it's been fun. It's kind of like reignited me in a way, like I do. Back to what you were saying about authenticity, it, that's a value that I always come back to. I feel like, whether it's in my work or you know, if I think about values, it's like how do I be authentic to me?

Feel like by me not being open about it, especially like online or within my P, like I was holding a piece of me back, I wasn't. Mm-hmm. Really being authentic and to your point, like I did think, it took me a lot of self-awareness and building self-trust to be like, okay, I can confidently stand in this regardless what's gonna be thrown at me.

But it was like, if I'm asking other people. You know, what we're doing in our day to day as therapists, like we're essentially asking other people to be authentic and be honest. Mm-hmm. 

j: Us. 

Kylie Lambert: I was like, I need to, I need to mirror this too. More important for me to mirror this. And that means being honest about what was going on in my life, especially in this year when, you know, my husband and I made a very permanent decision in our child free life by him going and [00:09:00] having a vasectomy.

And I was like that. What's happening in our world that's honest. We're making a very apparent choice and like

Jazz: mm-hmm. 

Kylie Lambert: I'm gonna talk, like I'm gonna talk about that. 

Jazz: Yeah. What was that like for the two of you to just explore that decision and ultimately follow through with it? 

Kylie Lambert: It was a conversation. I kinda laugh about it when I think back in it now, but we kind of had this conversation on our first date.

Um, we were getting to know one another and I don't even. Honestly, I think I brought it up because Kyle, my husband Kyle, was very authentic in our first state in our conversation. He, um, at the time his dad was very sick. Um, he had cancer and he was very transparent about like, Hey, I want you to know, like this is going on in my life and like my dad is not getting any better.

Like, I want you to be very aware, like we are in, you know, the ending stages of that. And I want. If that's too much for you, you know, type of thing. Like that's mm-hmm. Too much I wanna be transparent about like, this is what's going on, so you know what you're getting into. And I think from that, we kind of talked about that a little bit and then I kind of brought in.

Like, I wanna also be honest, like I don't know if I ever, at that point, I think we met when we were like 23 ish, or I was 23. He was 26. But I was like, I want you to know, I don't know if I ever want children. And so if that's something that like if you're looking for a relationship and you [00:10:00] want someone to eventually do that with, it's probably not gonna be me.

And I just wanted to be honest about that. Mm-hmm. It's like, honestly, I don't think I want children at all. And I think throughout the years, obviously as we dated and then got engaged and got married, and now we've been married. Eight years, we've, the conversation has like always continued. Like I don't think it was a one-off, it was a conversation that I think that we were always continuously having throughout the 11 years of our relationship of like, how are we feeling about this?

Are you feeling fulfilled? Like, what are your thoughts on kids? Especially as more and more of our friends had them, I think we just were organically like having conversations about what we were seeing and like, do we want this? Do we not want this? And then it led to. Okay. We're firm in this. Um, I had been on hormonal birth control since I've been 16 years old.

I'm now 34. I was like, I would love to experience my life without, you know, without mm-hmm. On hormonal birth control and we're [00:11:00] firm in this decision. And he was like, okay, I'll go and like, I'll go and do it. Like no big deal. I'll make the appointment. Let's do it. 

Jazz: I love that you emphasize that this was a continued conversation, like this wasn't something you all agreed on once eight years ago.

This was not something that you was set in stone. It's something that you constantly came back to as you evaluated your values, the kind of lifestyle you want, and in this day and age. It's so admirable that he chose to take some responsibility for that choice. Like rather than just you being on birth control forever, like both of you sharing in that responsibility of like, okay, this is how we can prevent having a kid.

Kylie Lambert: Absolutely. And I think that's a lot. That's what like, like you said with the continuing conversation, but I think that's also continued the fulfillment that we are experiencing, like in our relationship too, because we're allowing these moments to continually check in. Are we meeting the goals that we wanna meet?

We have this level of like partnership within our relationship [00:12:00] where it felt like. Okay. We're both kind of like taking actions to doing this. I'm seeing you lead. That's great. I can lead over here. And it's really, I feel like when we speak about fulfillment, like helped us feel fulfilled, like within our relationship and then thus in the life that we are trying to build with one.

Jazz: Mm-hmm. Also just side note, like as I'm listening to you talk, it's so interesting that a lot of times it's women who are having these conversations publicly and not men like, yes. 

Kylie Lambert: Because there's a lot of men out, like, out, like he didn't want, I don't, you know, I don't know and what it would be, but it's always like, it's like the women, it's like, oh, what's wrong with you?

Why are mm-hmm. You not like when, I'm sure there are obvi, there are obviously men out there that feel the same way, but like, why are like, we're like, yeah, we're like trailblazing, like on the horse, the, like, torch. Like know, like, like bearing the brunt of this conversation. I, and it's interesting you bring this up because.

Obviously we are child free by choice. We are clear in that decision. This decision obviously became more permanent this year, and people knew that [00:13:00] he had the procedure in our life. It was not something that we were quiet about. You know, we took a day off from work to go and get it. So the people at, you know, people at work knew.

No one ever questioned. No one ever said, why. Mm-hmm. I've listened to conversations, we, you're just like, okay. When he says it. But I felt like in times in my life when I'm like, oh no, we don't have children. It's always, well, why? Like, there is so mm-hmm. Much more cu curiosity or pushback as opposed to him in what I have witnessed, it was just like, okay, you don't want kids, like mm-hmm.

More, it felt like it was more accepted for him. Mm-hmm. Opinion than it's has, it's been for me in some ways. 

Jazz: A lot of times it's, oh, you don't wanna be a mom. Like you're missing out on this like wonderful chapter that you two can share together. You're selfish. Like even in media, when a woman chooses to prioritize her career or chooses to be child free because she wants to wake up on a Sunday and not have to take care of somebody else, there is this, [00:14:00] this pushback that is.

Typically placed on the woman that is portrayed from the woman. And men get to decide like, Hmm, I don't want kids. Like, I don't. And they get to make that choice very casually and no one bats an eyelash about it. 

Kylie Lambert: I know. And it's just so interesting, which I think was why it almost, you know, I started in the beginning when people would ask me, I feel like I would, you know, I'd gone under this long winded like.

Almost PhD level, level, like dis rotation of like, oh, this is why we're not having kids. I just don't. And then like the questions kept happening and kept happening and my answers and how I answered it changed. And the last couple years, like with some of the questions around my decision with people I was meeting like.

I almost felt myself getting like, not angry, but kind of in some ways like angry and defensive that like I just couldn't say, Hey, I don't want children. Like, I'm feeling really happy and fulfilled in my life [00:15:00] already. I don't feel like I need to add or subtract anything at this current moment. And I started like when I would get that pushback, I would start to feel this emotion, which I think like led me to like, I wanna talk about this more, like I wanna help other women.

Feel strong, feel like they have place, feel like they can feel confident in their choices. They don't have to dread social gatherings or just like the questions that typically answered because they are happening to women. They, I don't, you know, I don't know. I don't think for they're really happening in the circles of men, but they are for a lot of women, 

Jazz: absolutely no.

Do you get the million dollar question of do you like kids? 

Kylie Lambert: All the time, and I feel like I always have to like give a caveat, like, and you know, that's my own like, you know, because of all the how, you know, I'm this like cold, selfish woman who has no nurturing value in her, what you know whatsoever, because I don't want children.

It does feel like, it's like, well, it's like I do like kids. I do feel like I have a strong bond with some of my friends. Mm-hmm. It's like definitely my best friend's daughters. I [00:16:00] like that I can show up in like an anti role. Mm-hmm. I like that I can provide a different like model for a woman, for them, for whatever they choose.

Whether these, you know, whether these well girls grow up and wanna have kids, great. But also I wanna show them like that. Here's another option of what you can do. Mm-hmm. Be in your life and you can be fulfilled and you can still create meaningful connections. If I didn't have kids or if I had kids, excuse me.

I feel like I probably wouldn't be able to show up for some of my friends' kids in the way that I have. And I'm like, I like being the aunt. I like being the fun aunt that shows up and plays with them and has the energy and capacity to play with them. And then I also like being able to say bye and going home.

Mm-hmm. Home and getting night's sleep. I feel like I'm still getting my, you know, the child fix in. 

Jazz: Oh, I resonate with that so hard. Like there is nothing that feels better than having the capacity, being able to be present with my friends' kids, [00:17:00] being able to like engage with them, have fun. I keep all the art.

I have rocks that have been painted for me. Then I get to go home and I get to recharge. I get to be an active presence in their life and again. Offering them a very different experience. And for my friends who have kids, like they can check out for five minutes, like they know that if I come around, I'm not, I'm not telling them they can't bring their kids.

I'm not telling them we have to do very special activities that don't require kids. Like, bring your kid if you need to. Let's go to the park. Let's go to the zoo. I am game. And I love that I can do that without feeling resentful or feel like I'm taking away from. My own kids or feel like I'm taking away from myself because it's something that I'm actively choosing, like I'm actively choosing to be a part of the village.

Kylie Lambert: Oh, absolutely. Like I feel like when people like think about this, like child free by choice, I feel like they almost think that like we're like sitting back, we're like choosing not to participate [00:18:00] in something and I really challenged them. No, I am being so intentional about my time so I can be an active, engaging, mm-hmm.

Participant in whose ever life I'm interacting with, whether it's my best friend's, kids, whether it's. You know, my best friend who has kids is having a really hard day. I can go and get her coffee and drop it off on her doorstep. I have the ability to do that. I actively feel like I am like calling myself in and being a really like, nurturing caregiver role with boundaries.

Like I, I'm not necessarily saying I'm sitting out on this thing in life. I think it allows me to like call me in and be more present and intentional about who and where I'm spending my time with. 

Jazz: Yeah, it's, it's being thoughtful about how you show up for the people in your life and, and in what ways could it benefit them for you to show up.

Like, how would that look? And it is, it's so much more nuanced. It is so much more thoughtful than society gives it credit for. [00:19:00] It may take years for people to catch up, but at the very least, like through your content and even through this conversation shedding to light like the, the very expansive way we can think about being child free by choice.

Kylie Lambert: Oh, absolutely. And that's what, you know, that's what I try to do and how I show up and I think like this is. I feel like, and this has been my experience and I feel like I have thought about not having kids more than, some people think about having kids, and I don't say that with any like disrespect or criticism to anyone who has decided to be a mom.

I just like, this is something that I have thought about for a long time and I've thought about with my life, and I've always felt if I'm not 110% in, at least for me, like I don't feel like that if I'm, I don't. Feel like that's fair for me to have a child if I'm not 125%. 

j: Mm-hmm. 

Kylie Lambert: All in on that decision.

And I, and I aware that, you know, things happen and circumstances and, and different, but in my, like, in, that's been true, at least for me in my life being, you know, mm-hmm. [00:20:00] Child free by choice. I know other people are child free by circumstances, and I also know that things happen and people, you know, become mothers either before they want to, or maybe if they like, you know, I, I respect that as well.

Um, but I just have always felt like I, I want to think about this. I want, if I'm going to have a kid, it's going to be the most intentional decision that I'm ever gonna make. And if I'm not 110 in, then I, I don't think that's, that's fair to any future child that I would pursue. 

Jazz: Yeah. Do you ever feel like you're missing out?

Kylie Lambert: You know, I do think sometimes I, I, it's, it goes in waves. I will say that when. Kyle got his vasectomy. It was in early August. Um, very easy outpatient, 10 minute Perce, you know, 10 minute procedure. He was fine. Um, but there was a little bit of like sadness that came up mm-hmm. That I don't even know that I was expecting.

Um, and I think it was just kind of around like the finality. Of the choice, not in a bad way. Like I think there was a lot of excitement there too, of like, [00:21:00] okay, we're making this decision. We're making this decision together. Like this is how our life's gonna be. But I do think it was natural. Like I do think grief can exist at the same time, especially because mm-hmm we are, those of us who are choosing to be child-free by choice are kind of charting, you know, a less traditional path.

I think when people think about. Families and adulthoods. A lot of times it is like, okay, you have a partner of some sort. You have these kids. Then there's like intergenerational dynamics within families and it was kind of like, okay, our family is going to look different. It doesn't mean that it's going to be bad, or it's mm-hmm you unfulfilling.

It's just like, okay, I am doing something a little different. And there are moments of course, when I see kids and I think about like, oh, like. What would hi eyes kid look like, or what would be that experience? And I, mm-hmm. I, and I share that. It's like, I think that's natural with any choice. And I imagine moms those who have chosen to, you know, be mothers or who are mothers also, I probably at some point [00:22:00] probably grieve their child free life in some capacity, I would imagine.

You know, yes, they love and adore their children, but I think it's natural to be like, oh, I would love to sleep in on a Sunday and not have to get, mm-hmm. I think there's grief in both, like in both ends. That is very natural. That's also not talked about. And I mean, and I just allow it to sit there and then I also remind myself of like, okay, yeah, there is a piece of like, okay, there is, I may never, you know, experience X, Y, and Z, but here are the things I am experiencing.

Here are the things I am choosing to go do with my time in life. 

Jazz: Yeah. I'm, I'm so glad you brought up the grief piece that. Kind of where my head was going in terms of when we think about like that choice, even thinking about having a kid, there is still an identity shift that occurs and it, it spans through like life year.

So we won't get to experience our kid growing up or [00:23:00] graduating and celebrating those really big. Milestones and, and people who are parents, they do, they get to bring a life into the world and, and chart like live a life with them. Oh

j: yeah, we

Jazz: have chosen not to, and that that gets to also feel like a loss.

Like they're in the same way that people who choose to have kids, that's an identity shift in that maybe they had to take a step back in their career. Maybe they had to take a step back in the kind of lifestyle They live traveling a lot, whatever the case may be. Like everyone has to make adjustments in either choice and that comes with grief.

Kylie Lambert: Yes. I think that's just the duality of emotions of like, Hey, you can be fulfilled and firm in your choice. And also experience a level of grief and loss of like, okay, I wonder what, or I wonder if, or I would love it if, or, you know, I wish I could do like, it's. Both can exist at the same time, and that's why, you know, I think I get so revved up that, oh, that's selfish, because I don't think that's true for anyone who I've met who's been child free.

I think some of those people have been the most thoughtful, empathetic people I've met have really thought about this, have really wanted to be intentional in their choices and have experienced both ends of like, Hey, I'm fulfilled. [00:24:00] But sure, of course there's some sadness and grief of like, I'm not doing the path of everyone else.

I mean, we are wired. To want to fit in. We are wired because, I mean, I know we've evolved a lot in modern day, but we needed people to survive. Like we, if we were out alone in the woods, we would've died. So we need to be part of a village. So of course, if you're in a situation, or for me, if I'd been in a situation and there's a lot of moms around and they're talking about moms and you know, kid things like, yeah, it is hard for me because it's, I can't really join into that conversation because I don't have that shared experience.

And so yeah, that brings up a level of feelings yet also being like, you know what? I'm really glad that this is what I'm doing with my life too. Like they all exist. 

Jazz: Mm-hmm. Two things get to be true at the same time.

Kylie Lambert: Yes, they do. Probably one of my most used phrases in the therapy world, I'm like, you know, things can be true at the same time.

Like, yeah, they are. I a lot of, even in my life, I think that's been a helpful thing of me, for me of like, okay, I'm feeling this way, but like both can exist and this. 

Jazz: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It, it's holding that space for both and letting both come in and go as they please. And it's [00:25:00] also offering yourself assurance like, yes, I've made this choice and I'm happy with that choice, and I also get to feel happy with that choice.

Kylie Lambert: Yeah. Which I've noticed that's been, I think, a little bit. The most difficult thing for me, I think in this phase of my child, you know, child-free lifestyle, whereas I shared a lot of people are having, you know, either having their first, a lot of my friends are on their second, you know, free, you know, second plus type of things.

And it is like how. Something that I've internally struggled with is like, how do I share about my life with them without creating any guilt and shame for maybe having experiences that they aren't experiencing and kind of like navigating that. Like, I, I never wanna come off like, oh, I'm doing all these wonderful things and most of my day to day is that of an average, you know, an average person.

But like, I think there is this like, oh, what are you doing? They're, but I never want like my own, like my own agency and autonomy to also make them like [00:26:00] feel different and comfortable with the choices. So it's just, it's been a lot of feelings in this journey. 

j: Mm-hmm. 

Kylie Lambert: You know, recently of like, Hey, I'm fulfilled.

But yeah, there's a lot of stuff that I'm still not great at in it or some shame I feel, or how do I navigate conversations if I am the only child free woman in the room and there are moms around, how do I. Navigate my joys and not feel like I have to push them down because 

j: mm-hmm. 

Kylie Lambert: So and so's baby isn't sleeping and they haven't had a good night's sleep and you know, good night's sleep in the week.

Mm-hmm. Then I, for that, but also like, yeah, we're kind of doing different things and having different experiences. 

Jazz: Yeah. What is some advice you would give for someone who is navigating what it would mean to be child-free? 

Kylie Lambert: I think one of the best pieces of advice that I would give is that like, you are allowed, like I think taking a, taking an inventory [00:27:00] and look at your life and like thinking about where you are finding fulfillment, I think.

Mm-hmm. For a lot of it's like where are your values? Where are your. Moments of joys and happiness, and how do you identify of like, okay, am I feeling that need? Am I, you know, am I feeling fulfilled in this way? What's kind of missing? Where are my values? Am I living in alignment with my values? And what I mean by that is, I think I, I don't always kind of question this, like, I don't know if I wanna have children probably since like college.

I mean, I think there was a point in. You know, in high school where it was, you know, when you, you talk about like your future and all kinds of things where it's like, oh yeah, I'll have kids. You know, it was like, yeah, yeah, I'll have kids. 'cause that's, that's what you're seeing, you know, that's what people do.

That's what, that's what the path was charted anyway. And then when I kind of got into college, I was kinda like, I don't think I want kids. Like, I don't really see this future with kids. I don't know really when I see it, but I, I, you know, I wanna find community. I wanna feel good at my job. And it, and it was a question that I always kind of.

Danced around, especially in my early twenties, which I shared with my husband. But something that I think was important to me and what made me feel stronger in that choice was really like sitting down and taking a look at like what my values are. Where do I feel fulfilled? When do I [00:28:00] feel the happiest?

When do I feel more complete? And I think it came down to me of like, I. Really value, like I really value value. Having my own autonomy and agency like that is something that I feel like when I don't have, that I get very flustered by. And so it was, uh, like, it was a very personal choice. Like, okay, if I'm valuing this, how do I wanna live my, how do I wanna live my life in accordance with these things that I'm saying are my values?

And not that you can't have autonomy in agency. If you have kids. But for me, I think that just meant like, okay, this, like for me, I think how I'm actually going to be fulfilled and how I'm actually going to live out my life purpose based on what I'm identifying as my values is being child free. So I think it's kind of coming back to like, how do you see your life?

Where are the areas that, what are the things you wanna accomplish? What are your goals? And you can have these goals and in tandem have them with kids. But I think for me, when I. I looked at the lifestyle I wanted to live, the [00:29:00] experiences I wanted to have, what I wanted my day to day to look like. What I wanted my capacity in my job to look like, especially as a therapist.

The version of myself that I liked the most was the child free version, the version of myself that I thought so hard for, for a long time to gain and build and identify and feel self trusting is child free. 

Jazz: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think a lot of people are gonna resonate with that. Kylie, thank you so much for joining me today and having such a transparent conversation with me.

Kylie Lambert: Oh, you're so welcome. Thank you for allowing me to have this transparent conversation. It's been fun to kind of step into this and talk about it more, and I hope this just resonates with people who are maybe on the fence about having kids or who are also walking the child free lifestyle as well. 

Thank you.