Masking didn't break you - it helped you to survive!

In this episode of Dating on High Alert, Ilja explores masking through a trauma-informed lens, especially for people with ADHD, autism, and complex trauma.

Rather than treating masking as something to “fix” or remove, this conversation reframes it as an intelligent survival response, often learned very early in life, before choice or language existed.

Ilja speaks to why advice like “just unmask” can feel unsafe in the body, and why unmasking without safety, consent, and capacity can be destabilising rather than healing.

This episode also explores a deeper question:
 What if it’s not masking that exhausts us, but the shame, self-criticism, and constant self-monitoring layered on top of it?

You’ll hear about:

• Why masking develops in early, unsafe, or demanding environments
• How trauma changes the conversation around unmasking
• The difference between automatic masking and choice
• Why self-criticism is often learned through being analysed by others first
• How healing can mean expanding options, not removing protection

This is not an episode about performing authenticity.
 It’s about safety, nervous systems, and learning to choose with care.

If this conversation brings up questions you’d like to explore more gently, you’re welcome to write to Dear Ilja - anonymously, always.

 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/work-with-me/#voicenote

Unmasking isn’t a rule.
 It’s an option.

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbattista.co.uk

Let’s keep this messy, magical conversation going:
 📩 Get updates: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/
 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/
 📬 Contact me: empowerher@ilja-abbattista.com
 📱 Follow along on Instagram: @ilja.abbattista

Unmask. Rebuild. Thrive.