Dating on High Alert
Dating on High Alert dives into the messy reality of relationships and life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, and survival mode - because when your nervous system has spent years trying to keep you safe, connection gets complicated.
Hosted by Ilja Abbattista - trauma-informed coach, survivor advocate, and AuDHD truth-teller - this podcast explores ADHD, autism, CPTSD, attachment, emotional overwhelm, nervous system responses, and what it actually means to build safety in love and life after survival.
For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.
Because this isn’t just about dating.
It’s about learning to hear yourself again, in life and in love.
New episodes weekly.
Until next spiral.
Dating on High Alert
I Only Do Things at the Last Minute (and I Hate That About Me)
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Why do some of us only seem able to start when the pressure is unbearable?
In this episode, I’m talking honestly about last-minute living, not as a productivity problem, but as a nervous system response.
If you’re ADHD, autistic, AuDHD, or living with trauma, deadlines don’t always motivate you. They can trigger freeze, avoidance, shutdown… followed by a last-minute surge of adrenaline that somehow gets the job done, at a cost.
This isn’t laziness.
It’s adaptation.
In this episode, I explore:
- Why deadlines often trigger freeze for trauma-wired brains
- How ADHD, autism, and CPTSD interact with time and pressure
- Why “just start earlier” is unhelpful (and often harmful) advice
- The shame cycle around last-minute action, and how to soften it
- How urgency becomes a survival strategy, not a choice
This is not an episode about fixing yourself, optimising your time, or becoming more disciplined.
It’s about understanding why your brain works the way it does, and building compassion, and choice, where there used to be self-attack.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I like this?”
You’re not alone.
💬 Join the conversation
If this episode resonated, liking or commenting really helps, not for vanity, but because it tells the algorithm this conversation matters.
And if there’s something you’re quietly struggling with, or a topic you wish someone would talk about, tell me in the comments.
A lot of this podcast exists because someone once asked, “Is it just me?”
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being here.
And for staying curious instead of cruel with yourself.
Until next spiral.
Free Guide
You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.
A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.
Download it here:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/
🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.
Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.
For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.
🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources
📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/
🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory
🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new
📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista
📬 Contact:
letsconnect@iljaabbattista.co.uk
Until next spiral,
Ilja x