How To Be Love And Light And Take No Shit

We challenge the wellness myth that healing means endless calm and compliance, and offer a grounded path where compassion and firm boundaries live side by side. We share scripts, name the thousand small cuts women endure, and map twelve steps to stop taking what harms you.

• dismantling toxic positivity and performative spirituality
• defining real healing as discernment, boundaries and self-trust
• mind, body, heart and action frameworks for holding both softness and strength
• practical scripts for disrespect, cancellations, jokes as criticism and overtime
• the invisible labor at home, in relationships, at work and in public
• how women sometimes harm women and why accountability matters
• twelve-step guide to stop taking shit with small wins and clear language
• saving softness for safe people and walking away when needed

About Me:

I’m Autumn Moran, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas specializing in trauma-informed care for neurodivergent women and trauma survivors.

Therapy (Texas residents only):

I provide individual therapy in my private practice for women working through trauma, late diagnosis processing, relationship challenges, and healing from narcissistic abuse or toxic family systems. My approach is neurodivergent-affirming and focuses on helping you understand your patterns while building practical tools for nervous system regulation and authentic living.

Life Coaching (available anywhere):

For women outside Texas or those wanting support alongside therapy, I offer:

•Somatic Healing Coaching: Bridges the gap between cognitive understanding and embodied healing through nervous system work, movement practices, and practical integration tools. Perfect as a complement to talk therapy or for those ready to work directly with their body’s wisdom.

•Unmasking Journey Coaching: Specialized support for late-diagnosed neurodivergent women learning to reconnect with their authentic selves after decades of masking. We work on identifying your real needs, rebuilding your sense of self, and creating a life that fits who you actually are.

Whether you’re healing trauma, discovering yourself after late diagnosis, or both, my goal is to help you not just understand your story, but feel genuinely safe and at home in your own body.

Subscribe & Share:

New episodes drop every Wednesday and Friday. If today’s episode resonated, please share it with someone who needs to hear it or leave a comment—it helps other women find this space and know they’re not alone. Check me out on Apple Podcasts and many other platforms.

Work With Me:

Ready to start your healing journey?

Book a free 15-minute consultation: (http://linktr.ee/EmpoweringWellnessHub)

Listen to my DIVINE WOMAN Playlist (Apple & Spotify): Empowering songs for women healing through softness and strength - links are on the linktree link! 

Transcript

Welcome And Upcoming Series

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Awaken Heart, a podcast for healing women, a place where your voice matters, your body is sacred, and your journey home to yourself is honored no matter how winding the road. I'm Audam Moran, and I am passionate about supporting women on your journey to yourself. As a licensed professional counselor in Texas, I provide trauma-informed therapy for clients in my private practice. And for women outside of Texas or those looking for additional support alongside their therapy, I offer life coaching programs, including somatic healing coaching. And my latest one I'm really excited about is the unmasking journey for late diagnosed neurodivergent women. My somatic coaching is designed as a complement to traditional talk therapy, helping you bridge the gap between cognitive understanding and embodied healing through nervous system work, body movement, and practical integration tools like breath work, honoring space, honoring time, just some other coping skills, if you will, but not your regular like exercise workout. It's just like internal self-care. And whether you're working through trauma, discovering your authentic self after years of masking or both, my goal is to help you not understand just your story, but to feel genuinely safe and at home in your own body, in your own life, to be in love with your life. That's my goal. I know it's possible. I've been on all sides. New episodes drop every Wednesday and Friday. So be sure to subscribe, follow, put a bookmark in it. I don't know what all the terminology is, so you don't miss one. I have some good series planned starting next month. I'm going to start with a late diagnose series and it's going to cover RSD, it's going to cover overwhelm, accommodations, what it looks like in the workplace. Such good stuff. And then I'm going to roll directly into a sexual trauma healing series. It is so prevalent for women to experience some sort of sexual assault, sexual trauma in their lifetimes. And men too. So this is for men too. But I want to provide a platform, a space for people to feel not alone, not shamed, not like they're the wrong person, to just give you space if you've experienced sexual trauma in some shape or form, to just maybe have a little bit of healing if therapy isn't accessible, even though I number one recommend getting a therapist that is trauma-informed. Okay, I got off on a tangent. And then in the midst of all that, my bonus episodes, I'm going to break down diagnoses from the DSM. I'm going to start January off with ADHD versus autism versus odd HD, autism slash ADHD, what it looks like, what the DSM says for autism and ADHD. Just to kind of spell it out, just to kind of let you know. And I'm going to do that with a lot of others. I plan on doing bipolar. I plan on doing OCD. And the other one I have planned is BPD, borderline personality disorder. So those are some coming up. What else do I have? This week's bonus episode is going to be a piggyback off of today. So please give a listen if you like today's message because Friday's is the difference between being nice and being kind. And then just to round it up, because I am a little bit ahead, the last episode of the year, I kind of skipped around, is a recap. I'm going to look back on my first year as a podcaster, a year reflection on my personal life and reflections and thoughts from my career experience this past year and where I'm going, where I'm headed. And if any of this resonates with you, if today's episode resonates with you, I'd be so grateful if you'd share it with someone who would like to hear this or who would benefit. Or simply leave a comment. It helps other women, women find this space and know they're not alone in their healing. And that's my goal. But today, let's get into it, right? That's what you're here for. I did my little marketing, if you will, my little commercial rink. And we're going to dive right on in to what might be very challenging to the wellness industry's version of healing. Because I don't want to talk about what it actually means to be healed. I do want to talk about I don't want to have the wellness industry's version of what it means to be healed. I want to really talk about what it actually means to be healed and why being healed doesn't mean you become a doormat wrapped in positive vibes. Because, you know, we've we've heard this narrative, right? That healing becomes you're soft, you become compliant, understanding, ever forgiving. And that if you're truly healed, you'll be love and light all the time. You won't get angry, you won't set hard boundaries, you won't call people out, you won't take a stand, you'll just love all the time. And I am here to tell you that that is bullshit. So chuck that in the fuck it bucket. Healing doesn't mean you stop having edges. It doesn't mean that you tolerate mistreatment better than other people. It doesn't mean you mistreat it with a smile either, right? It doesn't mean that you get to somehow spiritually bypass your way into accepting unacceptable behavior. Healing means you can be love and light and not take any shit. You can be compassionate and boundaried. You can understand someone's wounds and refuse to let them wound you. You can have empathy and protect yourself. You can be soft and strong. And I want to talk about what that looks like today in mind, body, heart, and action. What being healed really means. And I want to talk about the specific ways that we as women take shit in relationships at home, at work, in society, and what we might be able to do to stop it. Alright. Because I want to first start by dismantling the toxic narrative about what healing is supposed to look like, right? So according to let's say social media wellness culture, TikTok, Instagram, right? Two that come to mind, being healed means you're always calm and centered, you never get triggered, you forgive everyone everything. You understand that hurt people hurt people. So you don't hold anyone accountable. You're grateful for your trauma because it made you who you are. Oof. Oh, they. I don't even know what I'm saying when I say that, but that one, you know. Human me. Let me go back and do it differently. I I could do without the trauma. I'd like to see what that's like. Spiritual soul me knew what she was signing up for. So would I do it again? I don't know. It's part of my soul's purpose. Maybe you're great, you radiate positive energy all the time. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, right? Maybe you've transcended anger and boundary setting. You just don't get angry anymore. I'm never known, never angry. Ugh. You see everyone's highest self and relate to that instead of their behavior.

unknown 9:00

Ugh.

Love And Light Plus Boundaries: Mind To Action

Real-Life Scripts For Hard Moments

The Thousand Small Ways Women Take Shit

When Women Harm Women

Twelve Steps To Stop Taking Shit

Closing, Upcoming Episodes, And Support

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Throwing up over here. Or what about you respond to harm with love and light? Love and light, and I also am about to punch you in your throat. That's pretty more balanced. Because all this, all this is performative spirituality. It's toxic positivity dressed up as enlightenment. And it's designed to keep you compliant. And that's harmful. This version, all that I listed, it keeps you accepting mistreatment. It bypasses your anger. And your anger is valid. It's an emotion, just like happy, sad, mad, blah. You're allowed to feel angry, especially when people or things are unjust. How about it keeps you staying in harmful situations? I'm working on not being triggered. Instead of this situation is toxic and I'm leaving. I am saucy today. I'm sorry. This is a saucy episode. And it keeps you blaming yourself. If I were truly healed, this wouldn't bother me. Instead of acknowledging that it's objectively harmful and your response is fucking appropriate. I said what I needed to say, right? Enough said. You know how I feel today. We're not following this narrative, ladies. Like this is bullshit. This narrative serves abusers, it serves toxic systems, it serves people who benefit from your compliance. All right. What does healed actually mean? Being healed doesn't mean you never hurt, you never feel anger or pain. And it doesn't mean you accept everything equally at all times, just the same. Being healed means you recognize harm when it's happening. You trust your gut when something feels wrong. Even that small little whisper. If that small whisper says, ooh, that made me feel uncomfortable, don't go on that first aid, sis. Second, third, fourth, fifth. I don't care which one it is. Healing means you can set boundaries without drowning in guilt. It means you can feel anger without being consumed by it. It means you can protect yourself without apologizing. Being healed also means you can be compassionate towards yourself and others. You can hold people accountable while understanding their wounds. This is huge. Being healed means you can hold people accountable while understanding their wounds. You can walk away from what doesn't serve you. Also, very huge. You won't catch me. You won't catch me. I have had so many uncomfortable situations, workplaces, friendships, relationships romantically, stranger situations, just all kinds of situations where I have been uncomfortable, where situations weren't serving me, and I was giving my fucking all. No, ma'am. The moment I gave myself permission from walking away from things that make me feel uncomfortable, less than, not heard, not seen, not supported, appreciated, I'm out. Bye, bitch. Thank you. Next. I don't care if I am riding this all solo on my own. Here I go again on my own. I would do it over and over again before I will put myself in situations where people or things or environments make me feel shitty. Well not, won't do it. Nope, nope, nope. And healing means you can be soft in spaces that are safe and hard when necessary. You know, it's that divine feminine, and it's like that toxic thing of divine femininity where you're just soft and beautiful and girly. Nah, bitch. I'm Medusa. If you accuse me of something, if you rape me and then turn me into a snakehead, I will use it. Okay. I'm calm. I'm calm. I'm calm. Healed does not mean you are compliant. Healed means you are discerning. Discernment is such a valuable skill. My youngest son has the innate sensibility of discernment. He can just, he can discern things from things, from it, from that, from good, from bad, from right, from wrong. He is so discerning, and I admire that quality about him because sometimes I'm not so discerning. But that's the unhealed part of me, the healed version of me, the healed parts of me, very quite discerning. I mean, it's quite beneficial. So the art of discernment. Mmm, Chef's kiss. Okay. So what does it look like to be both love and light in someone who doesn't take shit? In your mind? You have love and light thinking. So the love and light thinking in your mind is I have compassion for people's struggles. I understand that hurt people hurt people. I recognize everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Yeah, and sometimes that one's hard to believe, man. Because sometimes I'm like, really? Is that really your best? And that may be the cynical, hard version of me, but sometimes I just look at people and what they believe in or how they treat others. And it's just like, man, that's your best. That's that's what you put outside. Like, I can't imagine what you're like behind closed doors. Woof, unhealed, right? Unhealed. Okay, here we go. Love and light and thinking. I try to see the good in people, but also I believe in growth and change. And the not taking no shit thinking is I have compassion for people's struggles, and I recognize when someone's struggles become my problem. I understand that hurt people hurt people, and understanding why someone hurts me doesn't mean I have to accept it. I recognize everyone's doing their best, and their best might not be good enough for me to stay in relationship with them. I try to see the good in people, and seeing the good in people doesn't mean ignoring the harm they cause. And I believe in growth and change, but I'm not required to stay while they figure it out. No, ma'am. Not for no one know how. Do you see the difference? It's not that you're being a shitty person. It's just that you're discerning, having boundaries, and taking care of yourself and not letting anyone mistreat you. That's healed. It's not, it's not a it's and it's not but. It's both are true at the same time, right? So in your heart, love and light in your heart can be like I genuinely care about people. And not taking any shit would be, and I care about myself too. I want good things for them, and I want good things for me, including safety and respect. I have empathy for their pain in my heart, and I have empathy for my own pain in my heart. I can hold space for their humanity, and I hold space for my own humanity in my heart. I believe people are more than their worst moments, and I'm also more than my worst moments, including the moment I tolerated mistreatment. Love and light in your body. My nervous system is regulated enough to stay present. And the not taking no shit part in your body, and my nervous system recognizes actual threats accurately, honoring those upsets when people or places are around. I can be in my body without constant without without a constant threat response. And the taking no shit part, and I can feel when something is wrong before my mind catches up. I can soften when it's safe to soften, and I can activate my protective responses when needed. I can connect with others physically and emotionally, and I can disconnect from what's harmful to me. I can rest and restore, and I can mobilize to protect myself. In action. What love and light looks in action. You're kind to people and you set boundaries where you need to. You offer help when you can, and you say no when you can. When you don't have the capacity, or if you simply don't want to do it. You can listen with empathy and also call out harmful behavior. You can give people grace and hold people accountable. You can show up with care and remove yourself if the situation is harmful in any way. So let's do some examples, right? I wrote some down in some examples. Let's see if I can do the love and light version. So someone disrespects you. The toxic version of someone healed. I understand they've had a hard day. I'm choosing not to let this affect me. I'm sending them love and lie. If I were truly healed, I wouldn't even be bothered by this. Actually healed? That was disrespectful and not okay. I understand you're having a hard day, but I'm not available to be spoken to that way. We can talk when you're able to be respectful, or we don't need to talk at all. Ooh, how many of you just thought I was being a big old bitch? I don't know. It's just being upright, forward, not taking no shit. It's not rude. You don't have to say it sassy. You can just say, hey, that was disrespectful and not okay. I understand you're having a hard day, but I'm not available to be spoken to that way. I'd like to catch up if you can, when you're ready to just be more respectful or not at all, and that's okay. What about a friend constantly canceling on you? Toxic version. They're struggling with their mental health. I should be understanding. I'm grateful for the friendship we do have. I need to work on taking, not taking it so personally. I'm so sensitive. Actually healed. Hey, I care about you and I understand mental health struggles. And I'm also noticing that I'm always the one being flexible and accommodating, and that doesn't feel good. I need reciprocation in friendships. Is this something that we can talk about? Incorporating, bringing into our relationship. What about your partner criticize you and disguises it as a just joking? Boy. Boy, boy, boy. Toxic version? They don't mean it. I'm too sensitive. I should lighten up. If I react, I'm the problem. I'm going to choose to see their intention, not their impact. And actually healed. When you make jokes at my expense, it hurts me. Intent doesn't erase the impact. I need you to stop. If you can't, this relationship isn't safe for me. I don't know how your partner may take it. I hope they take it well. Because here's the thing about humor. When they're picking on you or they say something and just joking, that's not literal, genuine humor, which you already know. That's meanness disguised as humor. That's assholery disguised as humor. Stop doing it because it's not humor. It's you being mean. Full stop. What about family demands that you attend holiday despite your boundaries? Toxic healed version? Family is important. I should rise above the past. Forgiveness means showing up. If I were healed, I could handle this. Actually healed. I've communicated my boundaries. I'm not attending. I love you and I love myself more than I need your approval. My peace is not negotiable. This might come in handy. I've communicated my boundaries. I'm not attending. I love you and I love myself more than I need anyone's approval. My peace is not negotiable. What if you have a boss who expects unpaid overtime constantly? Or just goes beyond the boundaries, right? A healed toxic version, the toxic version of healed would say, I should be grateful I have a job. They're stressed too. I'm being a team player. Complaining won't help. Actually, being healed would be this. I'm willing to stay late occasionally in true emergencies, but working unpaid over time regularly regularly isn't sustainable for me. I need to discuss either compass compensation for extra hours or a redistribution of workload. That's a lot. That can be scary, especially if you're a woman and the boss is not nice. But there's the pattern. Do you see the pattern I'm getting at? Being healed means you can acknowledge the reality that they're struggling, stressed, they don't mean harm. And you also hold your boundary at the same time because that doesn't make it okay. That doesn't mean you accept it. Being healed means you do all this with clarity, not aggression. You do this with clarity and firmness. You're not doing it to be rude or cruel. And you're doing it because you love the other person, the other party, and you love yourself. So what about some specifics, right? What about small daily ways women take shit? Because it's not just the big stuff. It's like death by a small by like a thousand small acceptances of unacceptable behavior. All right, here we go. I'll start at home, then I'll jump into relationships. At home, you do majority of the household labor while working the same hours. You're the default parent who handles everything kid related. You plan meals, grocery shop, cook, clean. They help when asked. You're responsible for remembering appointments, schedules, deadlines. Your rest time is interrupted, but theirs is mostly sacred. You can't ask for help without detailed instructions, so it's easier to just do it yourself, or they don't even do it right or they half-ass it. It's that weaponized incompetence. Look it up. I might do an I'm gonna do an episode on weaponized incompetence. What about you manage the mental load of running the household while they don't see what needs to be done? Paper towels need to be refilled, toilet paper needs to be picked up, detergents running low, water hoses leaking, things like that. What about are your standards too high when you ask for basic cleanliness or orderness, order, some order in the house? Are you nagging when you ask them to follow through? All that. All that's weaponized incompetence. So I broke that down. All right. So that's at home. What about in relationships? Your partner forgets to do things you've asked them multiple times, but you do the thing immediately when they ask. You apologize for their behavior to other people. Sorry, they're grumpy, they're stressed. You manage their emotions. I can't tell them that. That'll upset them. You change your plans to accommodate theirs, but they rarely do the reverse for you. You get breadcrumb affection and call it love because you're afraid of being alone. You tolerate being interrupted, talked over, or dismissed. Your needs are deemed high maintenance, but theirs are just needs. You're too sensitive when you're hurt, but with them, they're just being honest. You mask or walk on eggshells to keep the peace. You apologize for being neurodivergent, needing quiet, processing time, stemming, transition times, assistance, rest. You force yourself to make eye contact even though it might be uncomfortable or outright painful. You remember birthdays, planning social events, maintaining relationships with their family. You do their emotional labor they refuse to do. You accept silent treatment, stonewalling, and other passive aggressive punishment. Boy, I'm mad about this list. You stay in situations that feel bad because they're familiar. Oof, oof, oof, oof. You don't trust your gut when it says something's wrong because maybe you've been gaslit for far too long. You accept blame for their behavior. You made them act this way. This can be parents, this can be lovers, this can be friends. What about at work? You're interrupted in meetings and don't speak up. Your ideas are ignored until a man says them. You're doing work outside your job description without extra pay. You're expected to be like the culture carrier, the planning of parties, remembering the birthdays, being cheerful. Have you found yourself ever having to take notes in a meeting while others talk? Maybe the men talk? You mask constantly to seem professional or neurotypical. You don't want to seem difficult, so you don't ask for accommodations, noise canceling headphones, flexible schedule, written instructions, verbal instructions, visual instructions. You may be penalized for the same behavior men are rewarded for. Assertiveness, ambition, directness. Man, I have worked in some places, and when I tell you that being assertive, being ambitious, and being direct, and being a woman of someone that's trying to like be a leader and do right, people around you don't like it. I mean, I I have been in places where I've had other women set me up for failure because they didn't like that I was doing more than them. And this has happened in more than one work environment. It was wild of how many women would turn on me quicker than men if I was seemingly doing better than them. It was the shittiest shit. Maybe you smile and stay pleasant even when you're being disrespected. Maybe you don't negotiate salary because you don't want to seem difficult or fear losing your job. You accept being called sweetie, honey, mama, love, babe. I don't know about you guys, but where I am, if I go through a restaurant, a drive-through grocery store, people call me mama. I have two children, huh? That call me mom. After that, I don't want to hear it. Like, don't call me mama. It's so gross. You let your expertise be questioned by people with less knowledge. You stay late, come in early, sacrifice boundaries to prove yourself. Maybe you're told you're not trying hard enough when executive function makes tasks genuinely harder. You accept being gas-lit about your experiences. You force yourself into overwhelming environments, open offices, fluorescent lights, constant noise without advocating for what you need. What about society? What about in the public? You smile at men who make you uncomfortable because it's safer. Maybe you laugh off inappropriate comments, which can also happen in the workplace and in relationships. You don't report harassment because it's not that bad. Maybe you apologize for taking up space. Sorry for speaking, sorry for having needs, sorry for taking up space. You accept substandard medical care. Maybe you acknowledge that you're going to be dismissed or not believed or undertreated, are told it's just anxiety when you know it's something more than that. Are you told your ADHD or autism symptoms are just stress, or they're all in your head, or everyone's got autism these days? You minimize your own pain and experiences. Other people have it worse. I'm okay now. It's over, I made it. You tolerate being talked down to by professionals, mechanics, contractors, salespeople, doctors. Maybe you don't complain about poor service because you don't want to be that woman, that bitch. You accept being charged more. The pink tax is what it's referred to. You perform emotional labor for strangers, smiling, being nice, managing men's egos. Maybe you suppress stemming or other traits in public. Maybe you force yourself to go to crowds, noisy, chaotic areas. Maybe you let people call you too much, too intense, are dramatic when you're being just yourself. Maybe you stay in situations that feel wrong because everyone else seems fine. Oof, oof. I hate that one. I hate that one. That makes me feel like I'm just losing my mind when everyone else seems to be just loving the flavor. And I'm like, y'all, this is rotten as shit. But I now know that I can go. They can find the outcome. I'll watch from the outside as it burns down, which I predicted, but now I'm safe. Like, I'll let, I'll watch. And what about? I talked a bit a little bit about this when it comes to like workplace shit we take. What about when women traumatize women? Maybe the cool girl who sides with men, the woman who throws other women under the bus to be one of the guys, who laughs at sexist jokes, who says, I'm not like other girls. This reinforces the patriarchy. It traumatizes other women by siding with their oppressors. What about the Queen Bee who hoards power? The woman who made it to a position of power, then pulls the ladder up behind her, who makes it harder for other women instead of easier, who sees other women as competition instead of allies. She survived by playing the game, and now she enforces the same harmful rules on others. What about a mom who enforces gender roles? Daughters need to be small, quiet, accommodating, and boys will be boys when she's harmed, who criticizes her body, her choices, her voice, who passes down internalized misogyny. Hurt people, hurt people, but that doesn't make it okay. What about the friend who competes instead of supports? Jesus, how many times have I been here? The friend who cannot celebrate your success without making it about her, who has to one up your struggles, who gossip about you to others, or who withdraws when you're doing well. Someone that almost only wants to be in your life to see if they can do better than you, or like they they measure what they're doing by you. And if they think you're doing better than them, then it just goes bad. Like, oh, I've been hurt that way. And that makes me not trust a lot of people because I've had friends like that. What about the woman who weaponizes her vulnerability? The one who shares her trauma to manipulate, who uses her wounds to excuse harmful behavior, who demands endless accommodation while offering none, who makes her pain everyone else's responsibility. Trauma is real, but using it to abuse others is not okay. Speak to a trauma-informed therapist. Go to therapy. See a professional. If your arm was bleeding from a cut, you wouldn't be walking around for your hand to your friends and saying, who's stitching me? Mom stitch me, sis stitch me, girlfriend, stitch me. No, girl, go to the ER. Go to the fucking psych hospital. Go where you need to go. Like take care of your mental health, just like your medical. It's not anyone else's problem but yours. They can help, they can support, but they can't fix it for you. That's your job. What about the spiritual bypasser, the woman who tells you to forgive your abuser, who says your boundaries are low vibration, who gaslights you with wellness language, who tells you that if you were truly healed, you wouldn't be angry, hurt, making all these boundaries and rules. You're going so extreme, you're going to be alone. She traumatizes you by pathologiz path pathologizing, pathologizing your appropriate responses to harm. What about the workplace woman who enforces toxic culture? Been there. The female HR rep who protects the company over the harassed woman. Know her. Female manager who perpetuates overwork and underpaid labor. Been there. Work for her. The woman who reports other women for not being team players. Worked in offices with them. When women enforce harmful systems against other women, it's like a special kind of betrayal. You could have come to me, you could have talked to me like sis, we're women. We're women. This world isn't built for us. Why are you trying to make it harder for me? Why are you trying to be above me? Why are you trying to deny me a raise when you talk about giving a shitty employee a raise because of her connections? And then giving me loopholes to jump through if I want to raise. And then when I say I'm going out on my own, you say you'll be back. How do you feel about yourself talking to another aspiring woman who potentially looked up to you as a leader? Like, do you sleep well at night? We can't just focus on how men harm women. We also have to address how women harm each other. Sometimes it's internalized misogyny, sometimes it's a survival strategy, a lot of the times it's unhealed trauma. But even more than that, it's just harm. It's plain out wrong and harmful. Naming it doesn't mean I am betraying feminism. It means we're holding everyone accountable, including ourselves. So, how do you actually stop taking shit when you've been conditioned to accept it your whole freaking life? Step one, which is where we'll always start, is awareness. Notice when you're taking shit. You don't have to change it, you don't have to fix it. I just want you to notice when you're apologizing for existing, when you're accepting less than you know you deserve, when you suppress your needs, when you tolerate disrespect, when you do more than your share, when you stay silent when you want to speak, and when you accommodate when you don't want to. Don't judge it. Don't try to change it yet. I just want you to say, oh shit, I'm taking shit right now. Oh, I'm taking shit right now. Okay. And then step two, I want you to name what is actually happening. I don't want you to sugarcoat it. I don't want you to minimize it. And I don't want you to make any excuses. I don't want you to say they're distressed. I want you to say the truth. That was objectively disrespectful, and my response is appropriate. I don't want you to say I'm too sensitive. I want you to say I messed it up. Rewind. How about this? I skip notes. So I'm too sensitive. Will be the truth is that I'm objectively disrespectful and my response is appropriate. The they're just stressed. The truth for that would be they're taking their stress out on me, and that's not okay. That's a much better truth. I mix those up. And then the last example I have is they didn't mean it. And the truth is, impact matters more than intent. Whether you intend it or not, this is the impact, and I would like you to change that behavior. Step three, identify your worth. You can't stop taking shit if you don't believe you deserve better. So, this is what you have to work on. Get your therapist, get your life coach, get your support system. Work on learning and knowing and believing and feeling in your body that you deserve respect, you deserve to have needs, you deserve to take up space, you deserve to be treated well, and you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated, the way you treat others. Write it down, say it out loud, even if you don't believe it yet. Start practice saying it. I deserve respect. I deserve equality. I deserve to have needs. I deserve to take up space. I deserve to be treated well. Step four, start small. Don't try to overhaul everything at once. Just pick one boundary, one small practice, build that muscle. Stop apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong. Stop moving out of men's way on the sidewalk. Stop laughing at jokes that aren't funny. Stop laughing at jokes that aren't funny. Do not enable that shitty behavior. Call them out. Stop saying, I'm sorry to bother you when you need help. Stop doing someone else's share without asking. And step five, this is where I'm a little ahead of myself. This is where we use our words. You don't have to be aggressive. You can be calm and clear. I am obviously a little hyped up. This is a saucy session, saucy episode, but we can we can bring it down a notch. That doesn't work for me. I'm not available for that. I need you to stop. That's not okay with me. I'm not doing that. Short, clear, and no need for explaining or overexplaining. And what is unavoidable, and what you'll have to get used to, is that you need to tolerate discomfort. That's step six. When you stop taking shit, people will push back. They will be confused, they will be upset, and they might even be angry. They'll call you selfish, they'll say you've changed, you've changed the rules of the relationship, you're a new person, you're being difficult. Don't listen to that. Because I want you to feel the discomfort and I want you to do it anyway. Their discomfort with your boundaries is not your emergency. That is your sign that you are doing something right for yourself. Step seven, trust your body. Your body knows when something's wrong before your mind catches up. Pay attention to it. That tension in your stress in your chest or your stomach, the urge to flee or freeze, feeling small or shut down, exhaustion after certain interactions, dread before seeing someone. Your nervous system is giving you information. Believe it and act accordingly. Step eight. I know this seems like this should be one of the first ones, but give it time, right? Practice saying no. No is a complete sentence. You don't need to justify, explain, or apologize shit to anyone. You don't have to say, I'm so sorry, I'd love to, but I just had so much going on and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Instead, no, I'm not available for that. Practice in low-stakes situations, again, building the muscle. Step nine, stop doing unpaid labor. Stop planning things for people who don't reciprocate. Stop managing other people's emotions. Here is the thing: if you are not a therapist or a life coach or a helper in some way, and you're not being paid for your services to help people through their trauma, their daily lives, their struggles, their anxiety, on and on and on, if they're not paying you, refer them to someone they can pay. That is unpaid labor. I'm a good person. I am all ears. People come up and talk to me all the time and just randomly tell me all kinds of things. And I have many therapy sessions, but I don't dig in. I don't get to know. I don't share my phone number. I don't like them on Facebook. I'm not their source. I can be their immediate light, but that's it. I'm not gonna sit around and give people free advice or free therapy. Like, I'm not gonna do it. You don't need to do it. That's a lot. It's a lot to take on people's emotions and help solve them. And it's a lot when you do that and they want your advice and you give it and then they don't follow it because that's not what they really want anyway. They know what they're gonna do, but you're already wrapped up in it, so it's like a whole thing. So fucking stop doing that, please. And stop being the default for everything. Sit back, let someone else figure it out. If someone can't function without you doing their share, that is information that things need to change. Which comes to step 10. Walk away when and as needed. Sometimes the only way to stop taking shit is to remove yourself completely. From the job that doesn't value you, from the friendship that's one-sided, from the harmful relationship, from the family that won't respect your boundaries. Walking away isn't failure, it's self-protection. Step 11: Find your people. Surround yourself with people who don't make you take shit, people who respect your boundaries, value your voice, reciprocate energy, call call you in, not out, make space for your authentic self. These people exist, find them. It may take time. Some parts of healing are very lonely, so don't give up, don't feel bad. You're not broken if it's hard to find them. Step 12. Keep your soft side for safe people. You can still be love and light, you can still be soft and generous and open, but just not with everyone. Not with people who've shown you that they'll exploit it. Save your softness for people who have earned it. Protect it with people who haven't. Healed is being discerning, boundaried, self-protective, honest and real, and sometimes angry and sometimes soft. It's just depending on what's going on. You can be love and light and take no shit, compassionate and firm, kind and boundaried, healed and unwilling to accept mistreatment. These are not contradictions. This is wholeness. If you've been taking shit in big ways or small ways, I know I want you to know you deserve better. You deserve respect. You deserve someone to give back what you've been giving. And you deserve to take up space without apologizing. And stopping the acceptance of mistreatment, that's not being difficult. That's being healed. Healed doesn't mean you become a doormat with good vibes. Healed means you know your worth and you protect it fiercely. So be love and light and don't take any shit. Hold both. Live in the and, not the but. Sorry about the dog. He's having the best time on the bed. Because you can be soft and strong, healed and unwilling to accept less than you deserve. So if you like what I hear, like what you hear today, Friday's episode, the bonus episode, will be about the difference between being kind and being nice. So diving a little bit deeper into how to not take shit, how to know the difference between being nice and being kind and what they are. I'd love to hear from you, my dears. You got a question? Message me, a comment, tell me you like it, tell me it made you think. I don't care. Give me a heart emoji, a flower emoji, a butterfly emoji. I will take emojis because it helps me feel happy to know you like what I'm doing. But also, I want to help more women hear this episode and your support by making comments and sharing my episodes and my podcasts. That helps me grow. Right now, I'm not on socials, I'm not advertising, I'm not in the marketing world. I'm just going by word of mouth for right now. So please leave a review. This just helps me show up in searches. And if you want to work with me in private practice or life coaching, please visit the link tree down at the show notes. There's a form there you can fill out for a 15-minute consultation that is free so we can see what program, what therapy is right for you, and what our journey would be like together. Don't forget to check out the upcoming episodes where I'll explain DSM diagnoses, break them down to real-world examples, and the series on late diagnosed women, and the series on sexual trauma healing, all coming up and so much more. I have a list of bonus episodes I've started on. I have to tell you, I can't wait to talk about the year in review because boy, have I done something for myself that has been an absolute game changer. Not to be a teaser, but I'm being a teaser because that's what I'm doing. So I gotcha. I hope you listen to all my episodes to find out what I did differently this past month. Okay. Until next time, my dears. Thank you so much for listening. I want you to know that you are never too much and you are never too late, and you do not have to figure it out all alone because I'm right here every Wednesday and Friday. May you be happy and free. May our healing ripple outward to bless the world with happiness and freedom. Take care of you, and I'll see you soon.