BONUS EPI: Holding Space for the Numbness after Sexual Trauma

We slow everything down and meet numbness with respect, treating it as a protective boundary rather than proof we are broken. I explain the freeze response, offer body-based practices to build safety, and end with a guided sanctuary meditation where numbness is welcome.

In this Epi: 
• reframing emotional numbness as a biological gift 
• understanding freeze response and why the body shuts down 
• practicing supportive touch to create a bridge back to the body 
• speaking to the inner protector part with gratitude and clear promises 
• using practical tools like a no decision hour and warmth 
• trying a thank you journal when feelings are unavailable 
• setting boundaries with social media to protect peace 
• grounding in safety first and seeking help when needed 

Work With Me Individually

I offer trauma-informed services for high-achieving women navigating:

• Complex trauma
• Late-diagnosed ADHD or autism
• Nervous system dysregulation
• Relational pattern healing

If you’d prefer one-on-one support, book a free 15-minute consultation here:
http://linktr.ee/EmpoweringWellnessHub

Good Music for Healing

🎵 **Divine Woman Playlist (Apple Music):** https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/divine-woman/pl.u-leyl096uMoD885j

Episodes Mentioned in this Episode

Epi 55 Your Freeze Response was Survival not Consent

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19054178-your-freeze-response-was-survival-not-consent

You’re not alone.

 We’re healing together.

Transcript

Welcome And Why Numb Happens

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Awaken Heart, a podcast for healing women. I am so glad you're here today. This is the first bonus episode of season two. Each bonus episode of this season will be an extension of the current week's episode. So this is where I will offer multiple ways of holding space, options of healing, and self-caring. You can find all the info about me and my offerings in the show notes if you're interested. But this episode, I invite you to rest or to make time to rest, because today we're going to deep dive into the numb season. And just to be clear, this is not about waking you up. This is not about forcing you to feel. And it's not about breaking any ice, so to speak. This episode is about building a sanctuary inside the ice. It's about learning how to be safe, warm, and held even when you feel nothing. Because so many of us are carrying a heavy burden right now. Maybe you're thinking, why can't I feel? Am I broken? Is this permanent? Am I broken? I think I said that wrong. You were looking at your numbness and seeing it as failure, seeing it as a wall that is keeping you from healing. And I totally understand that. I can definitely remember my numb phase, and it was it was tough. It was numb. I was numb and I so wanted to shake it at certain times. But today I just want to offer you a different perspective. I want to offer you the truth that your numbness is not a failure. It is a gift. It is a brilliant biological, life-saving gift. It is your body saying, I love you too much to let you feel this pain right now. So I'm going to turn down the volume. I'm going to wrap you in a blanket, and I'm going to keep you safe right here where we are. So for this episode, I invite you to lay down your armor, lay down the need to get better, lay down the shame, and just arrive.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

If you're able to, I want you to adjust your position.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Maybe you are sitting in a chair, maybe you're lying down, maybe you're driving a car. Just try to find a position where your body feels supported. If you have a blanket, wrap that around you. A pillow, press it against your chest or your stomach. Give your body something to hold on to.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

If you don't have a pillow, just hug your chest.

Freeze Response Explained Simply

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Wrap one arm around your chest like a one-arm hug if you're driving. If you're busy. And as you settle in, I want you to say this to yourself quietly or just in your mind. I am allowed to be numb today. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to be exactly as I am. I'm gonna try to move slowly today because this is slow moving. There will be silences, there will be moments. I ask you to just be. If your mind wanders, that's okay. If you feel nothing, that's okay. This is a safe space. There is no right way to do this. This is on there is only your way. So let's take a breath. Inhale. Let it out through the mouth. We talked about the freeze response on Wednesday. If you'd like to dive deeper or start there, the episode link is in the show notes. Because when you are in the freeze response, your body is essentially going into a state of suspended animation. It is lowering your heart rate, it is dulling your pain receptors, it is disconnecting your emotional centers from your conscious mind. This happens because the brain calculated that the threat was too big to fight and there was nowhere to run. So the only option left was to stop, to go still, to be quiet, to go quiet. And sometimes there's confusion here because our culture teaches us that moving is good, feeling is good, processing is good. So when you are numb, you think I'm stuck, I'm broken, broken, I'm not healing. But I want to understand, I want you to understand this deeply. Numbness is not a blockage, it is a boundary. It is your body drawing a line in the sand and saying, nothing gets in here, not today, not until it's safe. So think of it like a cast on a broken bone. If you break your leg, you wouldn't yell at your leg for not walking. You wouldn't say, Why aren't you running? Why are you so stiff? You would put the cast on it, you would rest it, you would protect it. Your emotions are the same. If your emotions are broken, if they are shattered from trauma, your body puts a cast around them. It numbs you so that you don't feel the sharp edges of the pain. This doesn't mean you're dead inside. It is a sign that you are alive enough to protect yourself. It is a sign of your resilience. It is your body's way of saying, I will carry this for you until you are strong enough to carry it yourself. Today we're not going to break the cast. We're not even going to try to break the cast. We're going to try to rip the band. We're not, we're not even going to try to rip a bandage off. We're going to learn how to care for the limb inside the cast. We're going to learn how to be kind to the numbness. Because you can not heal what you don't feel. But you also cannot feel what you are not when you are not safe enough. And right now, your safety is the priority. Your numbness is the guardian of that safety. So instead of fighting it or telling yourself to snap out of it, which I understand, I was there too. I would just ask myself to stab a snap out of it, shake it off, so to speak. But let's ask it some different questions. Let's change the perspective. What does this numbness need? How can I make this numbness feel safe? How can I sit with this part of me and say, thank you for protecting me? And if you're feeling resistant to this, if you are thinking, hey, I need to feel, I need to heal, I hear you. I know what, I know, I know you want to feel, I know you want to be whole. But the healing is not a race. It's not a linear path. It is like a messy, scribbly, chaotic spiral. You go up, you go down, you go sideways, you go in the dark. I can remember my numbers. It was dark times. Talk about going through the motions, but at max capacity while treading water, while a shark is chasing you and waves are taking you under every other second. Hard fucking times. And the dark is not a place of punishment, is a it is a place of gestation. It is a place where the seeds are growing, even if you can't see them, feel them, hear them.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Yet I know how hard it is to be in the numb phase.

Thanking The Body For Protection

SPEAKER_01 8:00

It is it can be tough. So wherever you are right now, let's take a moment to thank your body. Place a hand on your heart, on your stomach, on your legs, just anywhere where you can feel the body of the hand's warmth. And just say to yourself, silently or out loud, whatever feels good. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for keeping me safe.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

I see you. I honor you. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for keeping me safe. I see you. I honor you. This small moment of connection is enough.

Hand Practice To Hold Numbness

SPEAKER_01 9:03

It is the beginning. Okay. So now time for some activities, things that I want to just bring in to the episode. None of this will magically fix your numbness, but these are things to give it a language, to give it a shape, to give it a home. Rest one hand on your lap with the palm facing up. Let that hand represent the part of you that went quiet, the part that froze, the part that said no but couldn't speak it. Now gently place your other hand on top of it, palm down. Don't squeeze, don't try to warm it up. Just let your hand re your hands rest there. This top hand is you, the adult you, the one who is here now. You're not trying to wake up the bottom hand. You aren't trying to force it to feel. You're just letting it know I see you.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

I'm not leaving. I am safe enough to just be here.

Talking To The Inner Protector

SPEAKER_01 10:31

If your hand feels heavy, that's okay. If they feel numb, that's okay too. If you feel nothing and are just like, okay, whatever, that's okay too. Just let that point of contact be the bridge, the place where your body's survival meets your heart's patience. Feel free to do this throughout the day. This is my way of incorporating mudras. Mudras are hand placements that are known to heal, known to reset, known to help with your well-being. This one is for you, for your well-being. Many of us have parts of ourselves that are protectors, parts that stepped in when the trauma happened, parts that decided, I will turn off the feelings, I will make sure you don't feel this pain. And sometimes these parts get stuck. They keep the numbness on even when the danger is gone. They keep the shield up even when you are safe. And that can be frustrating. You might feel angry at that part. Why won't you let me feel? Why are you keeping me numb? And I want to invite you to change that relationship. I want you to think that part. Close your eyes if you can. Imagine that part of you. Maybe it looks like a child. Maybe it looks like a soldier. Maybe it looks like a dark shadow. Maybe it has no form at all. Just a feeling of protection. And I want you to speak to it. Out loud or just in your mind. Hi. I see you. I know you're trying to protect me. I know you turned off the feelings because you thought it was too dangerous. I know you kept me numb so I can survive. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Thank you for keeping me safe. So essentially, you say hello. I see you.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

I know you were protecting me. I know you were keeping me from danger. I know you helped me survive. Thank you. Thank you for keeping me safe. And then I want you to ask it.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

What do you need from me right now? Do you need me to promise that I won't force you to feel before you are ready?

SPEAKER_01 13:18

What is that part saying to you? You don't have to hear a voice. You might just feel a sense of relief or a sense of softening or a sense of knowing what needs to be done. Just listen. And then make a promise to that part. I promise to listen to you. I promise not to force you. I promise to wait until you're ready. Talking to your specific parts is a powerful practice. Because when you stop fighting the protector, the protector relaxes. And when the protector relaxes, excuse me, the numbness might start to soften on its own. Not because you forced it, but because you made it feel safe. So if you have a part of you that is holding numbness, sit with it, talk to it, think it, and let it know you can rest now.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

I've got this.

Practical Tools For The Numb Days

Safety Check And Sharing Request

Guided Sanctuary Meditation

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Guided meditations are really good. Excuse me, they're really good for just calming the mind, calming the body, having a gentle, safe space to relax. If you're up for it, I don't know how long it'll take. I I it won't be too long, but it'll be at the end of the episode if you want to get comfy and listen to that. But before we get to the meditation, I want to give you some practical tools for the days ahead. For the days ahead, for the days ahead. Small manage manageable things you can do to hold space for your numbness. So first off, one thing first is up is the no decision hour. Every day, pick an hour where you make zero decisions. No choosing what to eat, not choosing what to wear, what to watch. Have a menu ready. I will drink tea, I will wrap in a blanket, I will listen to the song, and just do it. Remove the cognitive load, plan your hour, and then just let that hour be yours. Let your nervous system rest. I know depending on how busy you are, depending on what kind of caregiving situations you have, you may or may not have a full hour. Start small. Neurodivergent friendly speaking here. Start small. 20, 30 minutes, 30, 45 minutes, 45 minutes to an hour. Start small. Give your nervous system time to rest. This is important. This is an important step, even though it feels maybe small and insignificant. Solo time is huge when it comes to healing. Restful solo time is huge when it comes to healing. And if you can have a weighted ritual every morning or evening, spend five minutes with a weighted object. Maybe it's a blanket, maybe it's one of those weighted, squishy, stuffed animals, maybe it's a stone, like a worry stone or a rock you found. Just hold it and feel the weight and say to yourself, I am held, I am safe. Have a thank you journal. Instead of journaling about your feelings, which might be impossible right now. Just write down, thank you, numbness, for protecting me today. That's just one sentence you can repeat over and over until it sinks in. Thank you, numbness, for protecting me today. Take a warm bath or shower, not to clean, but to feel the heat. Let the water wash over you. And imagine it washing away the pressure to feel. Just let the heat hold you. Or you can use a heating pad or a small heater where you sit in the afternoons or where you sleep. Let the warmth protect you. And one thing I've learned about this is that the heating pad can come in handy if your pelvic floor is always tense and tight. If you've experienced sexual trauma, it's probably tense and tight. And you have to like be conscious of relaxing it. Well, get that heating pad and lay that in your bum and perennial perineum area on a low, low heat. It can be really good. Not high heat, not a high heat. And give yourself a digital detox. If your social media makes you feel worse, and please don't make excuses for it, like, oh, it doesn't, it's just a couple of things here and there. Be real with yourself. Those couple of things here and there, it can really get in the way. So if it makes you feel like everyone else is healing and you're not, or the world's too heavy, turn it off for an hour, for a day. Protect your peace because healing is not a competition. These are not tasks to fix you. They are acts of kindness to yourself. They are ways to say, I am here. I am caring for you. And please remember, you don't have to do them all at the same time. Pick one or pick none. Just do what feels right for you. I'm gonna say this at nauseam in this season, and I'm gonna say it until you feel it, until you hear it, until you acknowledge it. You are not broken. You are not broken. You are not failing. You are not stuck. You are in a season of numbness, and this is a holy season. It is a season of rest, protection, and gathering strength. And when you are ready, when your body says it's safe, the feelings will come back, the warmth will return, the color will come back to this world. But until then, be gentle with yourself, be kind to your numbness, and trust that you are exactly where you need to be. Before I wrap this up and before we dive into the meditation, I want to bring you back to your body one last time. Just check in with your breath. Notice where you are. Place a hand on your chest, on your arm, on your stomach, on your neck if you can feel your pulse. And just say quietly or internally, I am here. I am safe. I am enough. I'm gonna say that again because I want you to say it until you believe it. I am here. I am safe. I am enough. If you're not safe, get safe. Don't tell yourself something that's not true. I am not that person. I am not trying to perpetrate that, perpetrate that. So if you are not safe, get safe. Find someone to support you. If you have no one, use a domestic violence shelter. Use nonprofits for help. Find ways to get to safety, to get you and yours into safety. You don't have to figure out everything today. You don't have to process everything right now. You just have to stay with yourself. Because this is where we begin to rest, and this is where we heal. Thank you for being here. Please share this episode or simply leave me a hard emoji to let me know that you loved it, that it spoke to you, that it's what you needed. Share it with someone who you think needs to hear this. Take care of your awakened heart, and I'll see you soon. If you're staying for the guided meditation, now is the time to get comfy. Get in your favorite meditative position. Take a nice deep breath. Inhale deeply. Exhale, opening your mouth. Let it all out. I'm going to guide you through a visualization. This is a journey into your own sanctuary, a place where your numbness is welcome, a place where you are safe. Find a comfortable position. Close your eyes. And take a deep breath in. And a long, slow breath out. Imagine you are walking down a path. It is a quiet path. Maybe it's in a forest. Maybe it is in a garden. Maybe it's in a room in your house. It doesn't matter where it is. It just matters that you feel safe. As you're walking this path, you notice that the air is cool. The light is soft. There is no rush here. There is no noise. Just silence. You come to a door. It is a heavy door. Maybe it's made of wood. Maybe it's made of stone. And behind that door is your sanctuary. Your sanctuary of silence. I invite you to open that door and step inside.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Inside it is warm.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

There is a soft light. Maybe a fireplace. Maybe a glowing orb. Maybe it is the feeling of warmth from the sunshine. And in the center of the room, there is a place for you to rest. A soft chair, a pile of blankets, maybe even a wonderful, nice, comfy bed. Whatever feels right for you. You walk over to it and you sit down. Or you lie down and you let your body sink into it comfortably. Now imagine your dumbness. Imagine it as a physical thing. Maybe it is a thick warm blanket. Maybe it is a soft gray mist. Maybe it is a heavy protective shell. And you invite it to come into the room with you. You invite it to sit beside you or to wrap around you. And say to it, Welcome. You are safe here.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

You don't have to do anything. You don't have to change. You were loved just as you are.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Feel the warmth in the room. Feel the weight of the blanket. Feel the safety of the space. And notice how your body responds. Maybe you feel a little heavier, a little softer, maybe you feel nothing at all, and that is okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Just be here with your numbness, with your sanctuary.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

In this space, there is no time. There is no pressure. There is no expectation. There is only you and your protection. And you can come here and stay here as long as you need. You can come back here whenever you need.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

This is your sanctuary. This is your safe space. Now slowly give yourself a hug. Hug your numbness.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

Send it well wishes. Send yourself well wishes. And take a nice big stretch from your chair, your bed, whatever space you're on inside your sanctuary.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Rise up, enjoy the sounds, the smells, the visuals of your sanctuary.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

And I want to bring you back to the awareness, walking back to that door that you entered in your sanctuary. Opening that door and stepping out. Pulling a key out of your pocket and locking that sanctuary. To keep it safe, to keep it there for you next time you come. Putting that key back in your pocket. I want you to bring the awareness back to the room, the space you are in. Feel the surfaces beneath you. Feel the air on your skin. Hear the sounds around you. And when you are ready, I invite you to open your eyes. You did well. You stayed with yourself. You honored your numbness, and you created a safe space of safety. Feel free to come back to this space of safety at any time, once a day, maybe. This is a good exercise for holding space for the numbness and seeing it for what it is and not shooing it away or wishing it away. All right, my dears. That is the end of this episode. I've wrapped it up. I'm going to wrap it up again. So may you be well. May we be well. May our healing ripple out to bless this world and give us all a sense of love and freedom. Take care of your awakened heart. And I will see you next week. Bye bye.