05 - Grief, Growth and Gong Baths - Jules Cooper’s Journey Through Love and Loss

In this heartfelt episode, I’m joined by Jules Cooper - yoga teacher, gong therapist, Akashic Records reader and mother of four. Jules shares her story with openness and grace, beginning with life as a footballer’s wife and unfolding through the unimaginable loss of her son, Finn.

We speak about motherhood, grief, spiritual awakening and the healing power of sound, energy and community. From tearful moments in Shavasana to life-changing retreats and unexpected guidance from spirit, Jules’ path is a testament to strength, surrender and sacred transformation.

This is an episode about holding space when you’ve walked through fire. About rebuilding from the heart outward. And about how sometimes, our deepest pain can become the root of our most powerful purpose.

Connect with Jules Cooper:

• Facebook: Jules Cooper Yoga Teacher Gong Therapist Reiki and Shamanic Healing
• Instagram: @julescoops13 – Portal of Alchemy with Jules
• Acorn Wellness Retreat: www.acornwellness.co.uk
• Yogabomb Workshops: www.yogabombyork.com
• Retreats with Kay: Joint events at The Acorn Wellness Retreat and The Tree Relaxation Retreat on the North York Moors

I would be so grateful if you could buy me a coffee using THIS LINK. This helps me fund the podcast and keep it going 🙏

Transcript

Today's guest is someone whose journey reaches straight into the heart. She began her adult life as a footballer's wife and devoted mother of four, living what many would see as an exciting, full and vibrant life. But everything changed when tragedy struck and her beloved son Finn died in a sudden accident at home, aged just two.

In the shadow of unimaginable loss, she began a long, tender path of grief and healing, one that eventually led to her becoming a 500-hour certified yoga teacher, a creator of gombas, which are brilliant may I say, a workshop and retreat leader, and a reader of the Akashic records. In this conversation, we talk about love, loss, motherhood, and how a broken heart can open a door into something deeper. We explore how grief changes a family, how healing is never linear, and what it really means to hold space for others when you've walked through fire yourself. 

This is a story of surrender, of strength, and of sacred transformation. So let's begin. Hello Jules. 

Hello Kay. Thank you for having me. Oh no, it's a joy. 

Can you take us back to life as a young woman, a footballer's wife and mother of four? What was life like then? It was very different to my life right now. It was very flashy. As you can imagine, in the football world, there's a lot of money in that industry, and it was quite odd for me as a young girl growing up in Middlesbrough. 

And yeah, it was a bit of a shock to the system, I must admit, when I met my then husband, and he played for a few different football clubs. So we did a bit of moving around the country, which I quite enjoyed. I made lots of friends, and it was really exciting and interesting. 

But even looking back now, I can't place myself back in that world. Do you know what I mean? I'm just so not there anymore in terms of, I don't need that existence. I don't need that profile. 

I don't need that money and that status. Did it affect you at the time? Very much. Yeah, yeah. 

Very much. And it was a very kind of close-knit group as well. So the wives tended to, we'd all sit together, we'd all have our children with us, and we'd have a glass of wine and a chat. 

Then we'd all go out and watch the match and then go home and do it again in a two-week time. So it was quite community. I mean, you had a bit of a sisterhood going there with other people in the same boat as you and in the same circumstances. 

Definitely, definitely. And yeah, a lot of people just see the glamour side of football, and there's a different side to it. Of course. 

There is a different side to it. Yeah, yeah. So in those early years, how did motherhood shape you? Oh gosh. 

So when myself and my husband married, we both wanted children, and I fell pregnant like two weeks after we got married. So I was straight into being pregnant and anticipating what life would be like to bring a little one in. And yeah, and it just continued, one child, another child, another child. 

I really loved being pregnant, and I really loved having my babies and having a family. It actually, that was my purpose at that time. I know through life, so purpose changes, don't it? My purpose, I was fully in that, in that energy. 

You came as well from a happy family in your own right. I mean, you had a very stable and solid family background, didn't you? So I think that helps you to feel like a nurturer for children if you've had that behind you. Yeah, absolutely. 

I do agree with that. Yeah. So would you be willing to share a little bit about Finn, what happened and how his passing impacted on you and your family? Yeah, of course. 

So it was a Saturday, and Cole had been playing, he'd had a match on the Saturday, and he came home and Finn was just playing, at that time, Finn was playing with his little train set. And then he went upstairs to play with his sisters. And they, Annie came down and said, there's something wrong with Finn. 

And he had took a screw out of the back of a chair. Right. And he'd laid down, and he'd put it in his mouth.

Oh dear. And that was it. That was it. 

So we immediately rushed upstairs, brought him downstairs, we spoke to the neighbor, and they suggested that we go, there was a care home, an elderly care home across the road from us, it was Goldsboro Hall. So he said, our neighbor said, get over there, they'll have resuscitation equipment. Oh, right.

Yeah. So we did, we took him over, the ambulance came pretty quickly after that. And there was just nothing. 

It was, the screw was lodged so far down, that they couldn't do anything about it. So we had to go home and tell the girls that they wouldn't see him. But we didn't say it like that. 

But, you know, we were very gentle with how we let them know, but there's no easy way to say that either. But you must have been in shock yourselves at the time. Oh, completely. 

Numb. Numb is the word. And Cole was, you know, we both were the same, but we just couldn't believe it. 

It was just literally one minute, happy families, next minute, absolute devastation in the family. Yeah. And what about the girls? I mean, first of all, it's hard enough to pass on news like that.

Were they of an age where they could really understand what had happened, do you think? Not really. No, no, not really. Annie was the eldest. 

She was 10. So she had more of an idea, but I still, we hadn't lost anybody in the family or they had an experience loss. So it was, you know, it was difficult. 

It was difficult for all of us. And we had a lovely vicar in our church in the village. And he said, I've got a friend who I think, and this wasn't straight away. 

This was, you know, this was maybe a week after. I've got a friend who I think you might benefit from speaking to. And he was a vicar too. 

And he had lost three children. It helps things land with me a little bit because I've heard someone else has gone through it. Because at that time you feel like you're the only person in the world who's experienced it. 

And so I spoke to him and he was really helpful. Yeah. And then, yeah, it was just another great thing. 

Well, a really good thing what happened and helped us hugely as a family. Somebody gave us a book called Waterbugs and Dragonflies. And it tells a story of the water bug lives under the water.

And then as it develops and matures, it climbs up the lily pad and its wings form and it becomes a dragonfly. So it's about transition. And that book was amazing. 

In fact, I read it out at the funeral. Did you? I did because it touched me so much. And I know that it would help people to understand about love and loss. 

Yeah. And that's another thing, isn't it? What a thing to have to organize the funeral of your own two-year-old son. It's unthinkable. 

I mean, did you sort of almost feel like a robot? Yeah. Yes. A lot of the time I did. 

I was functioning at a level. Yeah. And I knew what I needed to do for my family. 

And that was about it, really. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, you've still got three children supporting and helping and moving through.

And in terms of them, do you feel it's shaped them hugely having that loss? Has it come out at different times for them? Yeah. So my eldest really struggled and she didn't want to talk about it. And we tried to gently encourage that. 

And it just wasn't happening. And she said, she was 10. She said, I need to speak to somebody. 

And actually, it wasn't when it happened. It was a few years later. Sorry. 

It was a few years later. And so we took her to Just Be. Yeah.

Brilliant. Gorgeous bereavement center. Yeah. 

Fantastic. And I think she was there for six sessions. And she came out a different girl. 

Yeah, it was it. Oh, God, honestly, that I could never have thanked them enough, you know, for what they did for her. It was amazing.

But the other and the others, we encouraged them. But they weren't. They weren't interesting. 

Well, everyone's different. Everybody's different. Yeah. 

And it can be so isolating grief. I mean, I don't know how you begin to find your way through it, because your role at the time was still to be a mother and a wife. So did you then find yourself taking charge to make sure everybody else was all right around you? Yeah. 

So what point then were you able to start grieving? So when when we lost Finn, it broke on the news on the evening and. We started to get lots of posts. We were with we've got two or three black bin bags of post every day. 

And we all sat around the table. My mom and dad, Cole's mom and dad, myself and Cole and the girls will come in and go in. And we opened every letter and we passed them around. 

Everybody. We opened every letter and we read each. We each read every letter. 

My word. It was, you know, people who were saying, I've been through that. I know what it's like. 

It was so cathartic. And I cannot begin to tell you that the love, the outpouring of love to to me and Cole and the family was just incredible. And I know I remember when I conducted your dad's funeral, you had told me the story about how he went with Cole to go and visit Finn after he died. 

And. You know, he shared, as it were, his strength, didn't he? You know, your family all came together, not that they they wouldn't anyway, but they really, really did. It's often when somebody dies, it can be such a hit to the dynamics of the family and the strength that everybody had in in mutually supporting each other was was clearly really important to you and to Cole. 

Yeah. And we had such a lot of support in the village. They just were such a lot of support. 

They were so caring. And. Yeah. 

And he joined the choir not long after that, did she? And then they all joined the choir after. But so they were every Friday. That's what they would. 

That's what they would do. But, you know, I will. I did have a couple of experiences after I lost Finn and I would call them spiritual experiences. 

And the first one was. So we lost him on the Saturday and on the Tuesday, I said, oh, I'm going to I want to have a bath. And. 

I don't know what happened to me in that bathroom. I could get emotional. Just the power of it. 

I walked out that bathroom, a different person. And I know that I was an angel or God. It was that powerful. 

Like it was a flip turn for me. OK, so you felt held. Oh, by. 

Oh, my word, by a force way beyond I've ever experienced or anticipated before. Yeah, it was extremely powerful. And even my family said. 

You're different. Yeah. And I said, I am. 

Yeah, yeah, of course you are. Yeah, it was it was very powerful, very powerful. And it was definitely God related. 

So was that a point, do you think, when you began to feel as though your path was changing? I knew my life wouldn't be the same again. OK, I didn't know. I didn't anticipate change. 

I didn't I couldn't think that far ahead. But I knew that the Julie Cooper was a different Julie Cooper. Gosh. 

And that shaped my life. And of course, it shapes the life of your family, too. Of course it does. 

So how did the dynamic of the family change? In terms of how you all related, because it the death of a child can create a big fracture in the family. Were you more together? Were you? We were very much together and my family were all of them, you know, our Cole side, my side was so supportive of us. And yeah, it was. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had amazing support. And then was that the point at which you started practicing yoga? Yeah. 

So I found yoga maybe two years after I lost Finn. OK. Someone said to me, why don't you give it a try? Someone actually mentioned Pilates first and and I give that a try, but didn't do anything for me. 

And as soon as I started yoga, I knew this was my well, I didn't know it was my path, but I knew I was going to it was going to really help me a lot. Externally from the help that I was giving myself, you know, it was an external help and it it literally yoga picked me up. Turn me around and said, you're going that way.

Jules and I have two beautiful events coming up, and if you feel you'd like to be picked up, then do come and join us. We've one space left on Saturday the 19th of July at the stunning Acorn Wellness Retreat from nine till four at full day of Qigong and Gong Ba and fabulous food and relaxation. We've also got a weekend retreat from Friday evening until Sunday after lunch from the 12th to the 14th of September over the weekend. 

And that is at the Tree Relaxation Retreat on the North York Moors. If you've never been, you'd love it. Everyone deserves a lift. 

Bring a bestie, reconnect with your partner or treat a friend who needs some TLC. We'd love to see you there. It was beautiful. 

It was so beautiful. And and yoga has changed my life. Incredibly, incredibly. 

The way I see the world, the way I feel about things, it truly opened me up. So it's been a form of healing. Oh, massively, massively. 

I can remember one of the first classes that we were in Shavasana and I just cried. Yeah, I just cried. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Yeah. And you can't. And it's a release.

And, you know, yoga held me. Yoga was like a mother to me. Yeah, yeah. 

So you started to practice yoga. Is that the point at which you decided you'd like to teach or was it just part of your own development that you went to do the teacher training? So I was as I was practicing as a student, my teachers, virtually all of them said to me, you should teach. And and I said, no, I want to be at that end of the room.

Yeah, not at the front, not at the front of the room. Thank you very much. And then it just changed. 

One day I went to yoga with my teacher and she said, I've got one place left for my teacher training starting in September. This was June, starting in September. And it hit me right in the center of my forehead that that information.

And and I said, that's my place. That's yeah, that's for me. And that was it. 

That'll be. Yeah, that's for me. Yeah. 

And then did from that point once you trained, is that when you became interested in your gong baths? How did that kind of evolve? Yeah. So that was really out of the blue. I was in Ibiza with some yoga friends and we went, we managed to get into this gong bath. 

It was already full and they let five of us in. So we crammed at the back and there was all sorts of instruments, gongs and balls, everything. And as I was lying down, I was getting like a ticker tape of faces through my third eye.

And I was like, what I was seeing, like I saw a squall, I saw an old man. And I believe now that they were past lives of mine, possibly. It just knocked me off my feet in an amazing way. 

And I couldn't stop thinking about it, but I left it. And then my guides, my spirit guides, because I was opening up at that point through yoga, I was opening up my psyche and everything. And my guides were saying, buy a gong, buy a gong all the time, just saying, buy a gong, buy a gong. 

And I'm like, I'm not going to buy a gong. I ended up buying a gong, didn't I? And then I got a bigger gong and I got another big gong and it's become a really strong part of my practice. I find it a very calming and beautiful feeling when I'm in one of your gong bows.

It's almost like the vibration takes me. It reminds me of being held in water, do you know what I mean? That it's soothing and calming and I can just be and receive. And I think that's, I have over time become very outward led and that takes me back home.

Your gong bows sort of just take me, they kind of cradle me in a place of calm and peace and beauty. So I'm very grateful that you decided to train up. How long did the training take? Well, I went to see a lady in Burnley and she was brilliant. 

So I did some work with her and I've done some work with Sheila Whittaker, who is the gongstress down south. And then, but for me, and I think it happens different for everybody, but for me, because as I just said, I was opening up my third eye center and my crown chakra. And so I was able to bring down information and it was an easy decision for me. 

Okay. So one thing led to another, to another, to another. And so tell me a little bit now about Akashic Records. 

Okay. So yeah, I've been doing Akashic Records now for about five months out, four, maybe four months. And it is once again, using my extrasensory faculties and I connect with the Akashic Records. 

So the Akashic Records, if you can liken it, well, it is a spiritual library in the cosmos. And it's really beautiful. I see it when I'm traveling there to go and speak to the people who I need to speak to, to get their permission. 

It's, as I'm going there, I'm in the universe, so it's black and it's just a golden, starts a little golden dot. And as I get closer, it's bigger and bigger and bigger, and it's so bright and so golden. And so it's stunning. 

Yeah. And then I speak to the guides there to see if it's okay if I read the records of blah, blah, blah. And they've never said no.

That's a good thing. And then I channel for that person. They will give me questions. 

I ask for four questions. I will look through the questions and then I will take myself off into a state where my mind is empty, clear. And then I will do their reading and then send it off to them.

All right. Okay. And you've done quite a few people, haven't you? Yeah, I have. 

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've done quite a few. I wonder why, well, I always wondered why a gong bath was called a bath because I imagine water when somebody says a bath. 

The effect of it is almost like being bathed in warm water, isn't it? Just explain to me how it helps to heal. So the gongs bring your bodies back into balance naturally. They are extremely powerful at allowing people to open up to sound.

And yeah, I've seen many people who've told me afterwards what they felt. And I never ask. It's nothing to do with me, but simply lying on the floor on a mat with blankets and the gongs playing take them to a different place effortlessly, effortlessly. 

Do people fall asleep a lot? Yes. Yeah. A lot. 

And I believe they still get the same effect. It's just they might not remember. When you're awake, you can. 

It's like dreaming awake, if you like. And you can remember. But when you sleep, then when you wake up, and people are like, oh, that was amazing. 

And then they probably don't have a scooby-doo. What's happened in that time? And do you think that your own journey of loss and healing helps you to hold space for other people? Yeah, I do. I do. 

I think everything changed when I lost Finn and everything got deeper. Everything that I do got deeper and I felt more and I spoke about it more. Yeah, I feel very blessed with my life. 

I feel complete and I know I've got more to come. But at this time in my life where I am now, what I'm doing now, I feel complete. And do you think, because you set up a fund in his name, didn't you? You raised money in his name to help. 

Was that to help kids in the North East? It was primarily. Yeah. Yeah, it was primarily.

So the North East is, as you know, it's quite a, it's not a wealthy area. We got to do lovely things like buy bikes for children who couldn't ride a bike and things like that and send people off in a, you know, for a caravan holiday and lots of different things like that. Yeah, I remember seeing some young lad who you'd raised money for a wheelchair for him that had to be specially constructed and put together because of his disability. 

Yes. Which that family would have never been able to afford to do. So that enabled him to go and watch football, didn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

He loved it. Yeah, it was. And it's so, it's so wonderful in a not, it not in an egoic way at all, because it never was like that for us. 

You know, we, we wanted to help, but it was a heart led thing, not the head. Yeah. You know, and we were very blessed to be able to, we had amazing people around us supporting us who were on our, in our group. 

And, and they would, you know, they, they were hugely supportive of us as well. And we came together as a group and we changed, managed to change children's lives. That's brilliant though. 

And very powerful, I'm sure, to feel that, that you could help children in that way. Absolutely. So, you know, for all the loss and the tragedy, I mean, an absolute tragedy for you all. 

You used that tragedy to make other people's lives richer. Yeah. And, and I don't think that was a difficult thing to do. 

That was, somebody mentioned it to us and we, we jumped at it. Okay. You know, the charity started and that's how it all carried on. 

What's something you wish that people knew about grief, even long, long after you've experienced your loss? I would say to take one day at a time and maybe even one hour at a time because you're experiencing so much that you've never experienced before and you don't know what to do with it. You don't know what to do with it. And yeah, it's, it's a slow process up a very steep mountain and with support and love, you do get to the top. 

And when you get to the top, you know, you celebrate, but you carry that grief with you. That becomes a part of who you are. Yeah, I agree.

I've tended to think of, of grief as a, as a hole inside you that you learn to grow around rather than get over. Yeah. That's beautiful. 

Yeah. You learn a way of, of living on, without that, you know, deeply loved person in your, in your daily life anymore. Yeah. 

They're always with you, aren't they? Always. That, that, that has been for me, that's been the, the singular, most dramatic thing that I've experienced through loss has been the fact, the fact that I've always felt spirit around me and supporting me. And even it, it's probably my family as well. 

You know, those, my grandma and my granddad and ancestors, my ancestors going back, back, back, supporting me. And do you have any practices that anchor you? I mean, I know you teach a lot of practices that anchor other people, but do you have any daily practices or practices you turn to, to support you? I, I do quite a bit of writing and I, I channel quite a bit. So I, I write down what I channel. 

That's very grounding for me. That's very, very grounding. It's like pulling the energies from the ether into my physical body and then writing it. 

Yeah. It's, yeah. What else? Yoga, walking, actually walking my dog. 

You're in nature then, aren't you? Nature changes everything for me. As soon as I go into the woods, it's like, there's nothing, everything's perfect. Yeah. 

And the sun's shining, not like today with the rain, the sun's shining and everything's good. And you lead workshops and retreats. And what do you hope people take away from those that you either host yourself or co-host? I love to see at the end of a retreat, for instance, how people have grown and changed and been able to see things from a different perspective possibly, or become aware of something in their self, in themselves that they were aware of. 

And it's been able to blossom. Yeah. I love, I love seeing people transition themselves because they do it themselves. 

Yeah. You know, that's what I love. Yeah. 

So yeah. Okay. That's really nice. 

And what's next for you personally, creatively, spiritually? What's next for me? There is something coming and I'm not sure what it is because they're keeping it from me. But at the moment I am loving doing the Akashic Records and that's growing my spirituality and my connection to spirit. So I know something will come off the back of that.

That seems to be what's happened with me. I'll start one thing, like I'll do yoga and then it was gone. And then it's something else than something else. 

It seems to be like a rolling contract. I know from sharing workshops and retreats with you, you work very intuitively. You are very honest and authentic and you follow your heart regardless of anything that might your people in general, like you could get more money doing this, or you could, you say you've really left what you've explained was a life that you thought was exciting for one now that's got more depth, but that's because you're being so true to your own path.

So if you could sit down right now with somebody who is beginning their own healing journey, what advice would you give them? I would say take each day as a different day. Allow yourself to crumble when you need to crumble. I would say to go inward to the heart and to connect in and see what is present there. 

You are open to trusting the path ahead all the time, aren't you? You don't doubt that everything will be all right. Yeah. No, I trust that what comes to me, be it exciting, boring, good, bad, I take everything as it comes because everything that comes to us, I believe has a lesson to teach us.

And so now you don't know really what's coming next. Are you just following what inspires you? Yeah, I will. What happens with me is something just drops in. 

It's like it just drops in. And then I'm like, oh, is that really a cash regrowth? Oh, I've never thought about doing that. Oh, I'm not going to look into that. 

So I bought a book and I did lots of research and practiced on people before I put it out there. And yeah, so just like that, things can just slot in quite easily. And then, like I say, it's like a rolling thing.

And that introduces something else and that introduces something else. And that's exciting for me. I don't want to do it. 

I love yoga. I love the gong. But I just, I don't want to do just that for the rest of my life. 

No, no. You know, I want to grow myself. I want to grow my students as well. 

And is that what you feel the loss of Finn led you to becoming you as you are now? Do you think? One hundred percent. I probably would still be a footballer's wife. But no, seriously, Finn opened the spiritual door for me hugely. 

And once I stepped through, I knew that I wasn't going to step back. Did you ever feel angry about it, losing him? Yes. I had a word with God and I told him he was out of order. 

A bit stronger than that. Did you? I did. I had a word with him. 

You said, I'm from Middlesbrough and therefore I can say this to you. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. 

Exactly. Yeah. I think you've never actually dwelt on it. 

You speak almost joyfully about Finn, don't you? Oh, oh, absolutely. He was, he was an absolute joy. He was a little, you know what at times as No, he was cute. 

Tell me anyone who's cute. Exactly. But he was, he was amazing. 

And he came to us as a gift and he was never meant to stay. I totally, I knew that as soon as we lost him. Gosh, wow. 

That's a huge thing to say, Jules. Yeah. I knew, I knew that he came to, into our family to change us and to possibly, particularly me, because you know, I've, I have had a lot of change in my life and I've, I have asked for change and I got change and Finn opened that door for me. 

You know, he was the growth that I am now. Wow. I find your story so powerful. 

I think it's extraordinary, absolutely extraordinary. And I think the, the path it's led you down, the journey, if you like to use that word, not many people like it unless they're actually physically traveling, but the emotional journey you've been on has been absolutely massive. I'm sure he's looking down on you with a huge round of applause. 

I'm sure he will be. I'm sure he will be. Thank you. 

Thank you. Thank you for chatting so openly on a subject that's very, very difficult actually to, to come to terms with and to come to talk about. So I really appreciate it.

Thank you for speaking with me so beautifully and the questions have been wonderful as well. So my heart felt, you know what I feel about you anyway, but my heart felt thanks to you for allowing me to speak about my beautiful boy. Well, I've been more gifted by you than you have by me. 

I mean, so thank you. So as we close now, I'd like to thank you for listening to this honest and powerful conversation. If you were moved by this episode, please consider sharing it with someone who might need to hear it. 

To learn more about today's guest, Jules Cooper, her retreats, her gong bells and her work with the Akashic Records, check out the show notes below. And as always, if you're walking your own journey through loss or transformation, know this, healing doesn't mean forgetting. It means remembering with love and choosing again and again to keep showing up just as Jules has. 

So until next time, take care, be gentle and stay connected.