Episode 15: The Youngest Always Gets Left Out A Tender Conversation on Sibling Love, Feeling Left Out, and Reclaiming Your Voice

In this powerful and emotionally honest episode of Living in 3D Power, Emma opens up about the heartbreak of feeling left out as the youngest sister. Through giggles, tears, and deep reflection, we explore what it means to grow up in the shadow of older siblings, what love looks like across an age gap, and how to name our feelings without shame.

Chapters:

03:43 – The Youngest Child's Struggles

06:33 – Understanding & Managing Emotions

13:08 – Generational Differences

23:35 – Reflecting on Childhood Memories

25:29 – Sleepover Excitement and Challenges

28:12 – Feeling Misunderstood and Seeking Connection

32:49 – Navigating Sibling Relationships

36:07 – Emma's Advice for Supporting the Youngest Sibling

39:52 – Encouraging Authenticity and Self-Worth

46:28 – Final Thoughts and Community Invitation

Curiosity Card Prompts

• What roles have I taken on in my family because I wanted to or because I felt I had to?
• When did I first feel left out, unseen, or misunderstood in my family?
• What did love look like in my home growing up, and who was allowed to receive it?
• How do I respond when someone I love doesn’t show care in the way I need it?
• What stories have I told myself about being “too much” or “not enough”?
• What does it really mean for me to feel included, not just invited?
• What do I need to say out loud in order to feel seen, loved, or included?
• How can I let someone in my life know they matter, without waiting for the perfect moment?
• What does it look like for me to stay rooted in my full self, even if others don’t understand?

Suggest Podcast Questions

References

• A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles” by Marianne Williamson
• What is Birth Order Theory? by the Cleveland Clinic
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: 10 Scripts for Effective PMR

Connect with Me:

Instagram: @natural_inclination

Youtube: @naturalinclination

TikTok: Amber Sessoms

LinkedIn: Dr. Amber M. Sessoms, NCSP

Bluesky: @ambersessoms.bsky.social

Facebook: Natural Inclination

Website: www.aninclination.com

Like, Comment, Share, Engage
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who would love these conversations. Engage with the Curiosity Cards and ask the youth in your life about their experiences because you might be surprised by what you learn. Share your thoughts and reflections in the comments or on social media using #LivingIn3DPower. And, don’t forget to subscribe and stay tuned for next week’s conversation!

Transcript

Emma: Hey, it's me, Emma. Welcome back to Living in 3D Power. And today we are going to be talking about being the youngest child. 

Amber: And why is this a topic for today, Emma? 

Emma: Because earlier in the day I got upset. 

Amber: Why'd you get upset? 

Emma: Because my sister Maya was not including and not listening to me. 

Amber: She wasn't listening to you?

What was happening? 'cause I was in my office and I heard all this commotion. 

Emma: So basically Maya downloaded this new game. And I was trying to tell her how to do something, but she wouldn't listen to me. 

Amber: I heard you saying something like, I know what I'm talking about. I know what I'm doing. You're not listening to me.

And you sounded very, very frustrated. So what was Maya doing when you were trying to, [00:01:00] 

Emma: she was put pulling the controller away 

Amber: and there Got you. Really frustrated. 

Emma: Mm-hmm. 

Amber: So let's think about this. So you got upset earlier today. You're the youngest sibling. Maya's gonna be 16 in about two months. Jojo's gonna be 22 in a few days and you're 10.

So that age gap, so about every kid it, daddy and I have like a six year age gap. And honestly like, I think it makes it really challenging for parents, but also makes it really challenging for kids. Mm-hmm. And I was telling you earlier, thinking about Graham and Aunt Gag, I think they're. About maybe like a 20, at least a 20 year difference, I wanna say in age.

But Graham was, you know, grown then and out of the house, but thinking about that age difference. But I look at them now and they're the best of friends. So it makes me hopeful that when y'all get on the other side of this sibling nonsense, that y'all can be the best of friends. Yeah. [00:02:00] And I see little glimpses of it, like earlier today.

Y'all were laughing and having a good time. The last couple days I've been seeing y'all hang out and laughing together, which isn't typically common. Right. So it makes me really happy as your mama to see y'all two getting along. Um, and then it just, all of a sudden it changed. 

Emma: Mm-hmm. 

Amber: And that's because you were trying to tell her Yeah.

That you know something. 

Emma: Yeah. But she wouldn't listen to me. 

Amber: And what did that make you feel like in your body? 

Emma: It made me feel. Like tense, like my body squeezed 

Amber: Your whole body or just parts of your body? 

Emma: Part. Like my arms. 

Amber: Your arms. Like your forearms? 

Emma: Mm-hmm. 

Amber: Were you clenching your fist? 

Emma: No, I was just like this.

Amber: So clenching 'em a little bit. Yeah. So that's what happens sometimes when we have negative emotions or we're afraid or frustrated, we will not even knowing lead tense part of our body. So for you to be like. [00:03:00] My body felt like it was being squeezed. It was really helpful to know. So when I'm, when I'm stressed out, when I'm frustrated, when I'm feeling like I'm unheard, I notice that this part of my body gets tense.

Does is any other part of your body get tense? My knees. Your knees. Your knees got tense. I've never experienced that before. Well, I'm on, on the other side of it where my knees hurt 

Emma: like this, like my knees and like lower your shins and your knees. So maybe were you clenching your, 

Amber: were you clenching your feet?

Maybe? 

Emma: Yeah. 

Amber: Oh, so is that what happens when you get frustrated? You clench your hands and your feet? 

Emma: Yeah. I'm like, 

Amber: and that, because all of those tendons and ligaments and muscles are connected, it'll, you'll experience it in other parts of your body. Ah, okay. Because I was like, how are your knees feeling?

It. That makes sense. So then you, that's a sign for you then in your body be like, oh, something's going on. I'm tense. And then what do you do to kind of release that? 

Emma: I don't know. 

Amber: Nothing. You just like, you go [00:04:00] through the emotion and then it just kind of goes away on its own. Yeah. Have you ever recognized that before me ever asking you that question where you feel tense?

Emma: Um, maybe. 

Amber: Okay. I mean that, so that's something. Now to keep in mind though, what I usually get, I'll have my shoulders really up high, and so I'll remind myself to, to relax my shoulders and I'll have my tongue to the roof of my mouth. So I'll have to remind myself I do that too. Yeah. So it's a helpful thing to remind yourself to lower your tongue.

So when you're stressed, a lot of times people keep their tongue close to the roof of their mouth. So relaxing your tongue. And then I told you before I get that hamster oil on my chest. Mm-hmm. So that's how I know those are my signs of being stressed. So those could be your signs of being frustrated or stressed that you're feeling it here and here, but it's really because you're tensing up your body.

So if you learn how to just be like, okay, let me relax it, but actually. That's a really good strategy people use in mindfulness and getting present with their body will have you tense up your [00:05:00] body and then relax that part of your body and tense it up and relax. So hold it for a couple counts and then release it and that helps you get into your body and know the signals for your body.

So that's something that you could, you could practice. So tell me though, because I have such a unique experience to you growing up, because I have siblings obviously. You know, Jamal and Avery were here yesterday and then have Uncle Blake and then your Aunt Sydney, who you haven't met, who's in Florida.

So she is, oh my gosh, Sydney. How old are you? Sydney's like 25. Um, so that's my mom's and my mom's side. So she has the two girls and then dad, my dad has the boys and myself. So, but I grew up with grandma and Pop. So I was really an only child and I have a friend that talks about being an only child.

'cause at the time we were the only ones in the household, but I do have siblings, so I pretty much grew up as an only child. So I don't know this experience of [00:06:00] having this interactions with your siblings every day. So it's very unique for me to see this growing up in the household. I mean, sometimes Blake and I might have had like a bickering thing, but we weren't around each other every day.

So how is that for you? Like every day? Oh, interacting with your sisters, y'all. If you can't see, she's putting your head down and she's shaking your head. 

Emma: Um, basically it's like being told what to do and, and like, um, not being listened to. 

Amber: Ooh. So being told what to do and not being listened to. And one of your biggest things when you, when I asked you about leadership was what?

Emma: Listening. 

Amber: So you have someone, it sounds like that's trying to lead you, but that's not listening to you, so not really being a great leader. Yeah. And they also happen to be your sisters, so that has to be really hard. And I think I heard you earlier say something like, you're not my mommy. [00:07:00] Did you say that?

Or you're like, you're not. I said, 

Emma: I'm not your, I'm not, you're not my mom. 

Amber: Oh, I did hear you say that. Why were you saying that to Maya? 

Emma: Because Maya was. Was like, stop, I know what to do. You know? And I was like, you are not my mom. 

Amber: Oh. So that would be frustrating. So you have these older siblings who are trying to act like me, and you're like, especially jojo.

Oh, what does jojo do? Mm. She said, especially jojo, y'all, if y'all couldn't hear her whisper, she 

Emma: says, I can't drink in the living living room or eat a snack in the living room. 

Amber: What do you say when she says that? Mm. I 

Emma: say fine. 

Amber: So you don't like that she's bossing you round? And why does she tell you not to eat or drink in the living room?

'cause I'm messy. 

Emma: Mm. 

Amber: So she has a point, but also can she really talk about being messy? I'm a [00:08:00] shaking your head no. Right? So that is interesting that she's sitting here trying to tell you when. She got some work to do herself, right? 

Emma: Mm-hmm. 

Amber: But I, I noticed something though. When Jojo tells you something, you're more likely to listen than when Maya tells you.

Why is that? 

Emma: Maya's the cooler sibling. 

Amber: Maya's the cooler sibling. 

Emma: Yeah. She's not scary. 

Amber: Wait, so Jojo's scary. She's like. Oh, the look she gives you. Mm-hmm. She's mastered the look. So, because jojo can give you the look and she's scary. You're like, let me just listen to her. Are you afraid? What will happen if you don't?

Emma: Kinda 

Amber: what has, have you ever not listened to her

Emma: one time 

Amber: and what happened? 

Emma: She yelled at me. 

Amber: And that was enough for you? Right? 

Emma: You don't 

Amber: like that? Mm-hmm. But Maya's the cooler sister. [00:09:00] Talk more about that. 

Emma: Maya I can deal with, but sometimes she can be annoying. 

Amber: How? Please tell me more. How can she be annoying?

Emma: She, lately she's been saying bro, since 

Amber: yesterday. 

Emma: Yeah. She's like, bro, stop. 

Amber: I don't know where that's coming from. I'm like, students, can you 

Emma: please stop? 

Amber: Students have been saying that and they never, well, I was out of the schools, I think 2021. I don't know when the bro thing started, but I'm not a fan.

But then someone, like my colleagues will say, if the kids are calling you bro, it means you're cool. Um, but I've never been like, I'm, I feel like I'm the old school millennial where I'm like, the kids would try to call me, um, what would they call me? They would call me like, Sesso, just my last name. And I, I just don't.

I don't like that. It's just not my thing. Like they wouldn't say Doctor Sessoms, they would just say Sessoms. And I was like, no, I'm [00:10:00] not even gonna respond to you unless you address me appropriately. And I get that it's a sign of like, oh, I we're cool. But I think because I'm an older generation and I was raised by grandma and pop, you would never not call someone by their title or, you know, give 'em that respect.

So, bro is a, is an endearing term apparently to kids when they call you that it means you're cool. Your, your friends. Don't say bro, because you had a moment. I think it was last year. Everything was bro, 

Emma: bro, bro means it's short for like, brother. So like, when you're saying bro, you mean like friend or like, bro, like that's crazy.

Like you're saying like. Like dude or like friend or like in this case MA's like sister. Yeah, sister. That's crazy bro. That's [00:11:00] crazy. 

Amber: That makes sense. 'cause we probably said dude, so it's funny that you're saying that 'cause I bet Graham was probably rolling her eyes at me when I was saying certain phrases like that.

Like, what are y'all talking about, dude? You're like, bro, and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's not even y. Don't even say, bro. 

Emma: You're just like, 

Amber: no, y'all say Bra. Bra. I can't even say it. Right, bro. Bra 

Emma: bro. 

Amber: Y'all, if y'all have kids, teenagers or whatever, please let us know in the comments, is this what's happening in your household?

Because I cannot, the girly pops. What? Curly pops. Curly pops? No girly pops. What are girly pops?

Well, Emma gets herself together because I don't know what she's talking 

Emma: about. Girl, girly pops. We used to za that in second grade. [00:12:00] In second grade. Yeah. Girly. I've never 

Amber: heard you say girly pops. 

Emma: I don't say it because it's awkward. Girly pops is like, um, um, it's like, like a girlfriend. 

Amber: Girly pops. So can you use it in a sentence?

Yeah. 

Emma: Hi, girly pops. How 

Amber: are you? Hmm. It's definitely a generational thing. 'cause I'm telling you, we probably had all types of sayings and I just had my reunion, so I graduated high school in 99 and I think we missed whatever year it is, but we missed one year because, I don't know, we just couldn't get it together.

But we had it a couple weeks ago and they had all the old yearbooks and scrapbooks and looking through that was absolutely hilarious. But I think. We have a Where you 

Emma: slapping your knee, 

Amber: slap 

Emma: lapping your knee? Is that 

Amber: what old people do? We slap our knee when things are funny.

It's funny you say that because I have a student [00:13:00] like my, one of my kids that says older people especially, she says like older, blacked, when they laugh, they rub their knees. 

Emma: That's what daddy does. He does that? He's like,

no, he does though. I seen him. 

Amber: He's like, I don't know. And it just, within the last couple years you started doing it. But she said that, and I can't unsee it. He's old. I can't unsee it now. And also Aunt Dana and I talk about daddy and uncle jj, they cross their legs and like shake their their foot. Yeah.

Have you seen him do that? 

Emma: Yeah. He does that in the bed. 

Amber: Well, no, if you're sitting. 

Emma: He's like, 

Amber: and then you'll, they'll tap their foot. So it is, there's something that happens when you crossed over to 40 that, I don't know, you just become your parents. It's like that. Is it a, what commercial is that? It's like the insurance commercial where they turn into their parents.

That's literally what's happening. And I saw it yesterday, kind of when Graham comes over, [00:14:00] I'm like, I'm gonna be like that when I get older coming in, shutting the windows because the, she's talking about is cold in here. I'm burning up hot. 'cause we have the oven on cooking food for Easter or Thanksgiving and she's like, you gotta shut them windows because the food's gonna get colder.

You're gonna get pneumonia or the baby doesn't have socks on. Why don't you have socks on your feet? You gonna catch cold? No. 

Emma: If you have socks on baby's feet, then they're gonna get hot. 

Amber: I do wear socks to bear when I'm cold, I'll put socks on and it doesn't warm me up. Yeah. 

Emma: But but when you, you wear socks.

When it's hot, you are like, Ugh, 

Amber: too hot. Too much. Yeah. But yeah, I just think it's funny 'cause I think as we get older, the things that we used to get on our parents about, I'm like, oh my gosh, I think it's happening. Mm-hmm. I think I've officially crossed over as you touch my knee and just say, it's okay, mommy.

I got that. Non-verbal. So I think, yeah, I think to your point about Maya can be annoying at times. Mm-hmm. I swear. Can Jojo also be [00:15:00] annoying? Oh, so what does that look like in jojo? 

Emma: Uh, I have a lot. Oh, wow. 

Amber: So only one thing for Maya, you only said was he said she's been saying, bro. No, 

Emma: there's still some things about Maya, but I can't pick it up right now because she's not here.

Jojo's not here either. Oh. But, um, yeah. 

Amber: But you just have a, a running list for jojo. Yes. 

Emma: In my. 

Amber: Are there any that you can share? 

Emma: So, um, yesterday she, I was like, I was like, Hey, I was gonna play. And she was like, I beat you to it. And I was like, 

Amber: the, the eye roll, the side eye and the sucking the teeth. That's all you said, because I feel like if it was Maya, you would've had something else to say 

Emma: because, come on.

Amber: Because I guess 'cause Jojo's scary, as you say, she [00:16:00] gives you the look. 

Emma: Mm-hmm. 

Amber: So that's one thing. So she, you wanted to play the game. I heard you. And you'll say, I haven't played all day and, and I don't get a chance to play. And they've been playing and it's not fair. Anything else? I have a lot. Oh wow.

Can I share? Three more. Maybe she's not here to defend herself. Don't tell her. Don't tell her. Don't. Don't watch jojo. 

Emma: She probably doesn't. So one time I came downstairs and she was playing Minecraft and I was like, can I play? And she was like, no. 

Amber: Just all snarky. Yeah. So it wasn't very kind. Mm. Just very dismissive, I say.

So these two things that you shared have to deal with video games. Do they all have to deal with video games? 

Emma: No. 

Amber: [00:17:00] Okay. 

Emma: Um, the next one is, um, let me think. When I need to go to the restroom and she's taking 25 hours just just to go, go to the bathroom, and I'm like, come on, get out. When I'm trying to take a shower.

Amber: Oh, you're trying to take a shower. Y'all all do that as if there's only one shower in this house, but I get it. You're like, but all my stuff's in the bathroom. Yes. You know, I grew up with one bathroom daddy and I only had one bathroom in the entire house. Well, when we moved, we had a powder room, but the first house we lived in, well, the first house in Pine for near, uh, aunt Florence, I think we did have two bathrooms in a powder room.

Then we move to this fixer upper one bathroom. You think Jojo takes a long time in the bathroom? Maya takes a long time. [00:18:00] You see how long pop takes in the bathroom? Can you imagine growing up and there's like no other bathroom to go? Oh, yes. Horrible. And then when we moved, then we had a powder room. But for y'all to be like, oh my gosh, I have to use the bathroom.

There are how many showers in this house?

Three and four toilets. And y'all acting like y'all don't even understand. I had to walk. Five miles in the, in 15 feet of snow to school. You ever hear that joke? I think what old people talk about. Y'all don't know how hard, uh, it was when we grew up. We had, we didn't even have internet. We didn't even have smart phones.

Now I sound real old. 

Emma: Mm. I could survive. I got books, 

Amber: y'all. So we have this recorded. Emma just said she could survive without a cell phone. Mind you, she doesn't have a cell phone. She has an iPad. Emma [00:19:00] says she can survive without the internet. Take it. Take it. We're gonna do a, we're gonna do an experiment and I'm gonna record it and see how she does.

You did say the one day when it gets nice outside, you're like, I don't understand. I'm not like Maya, I'm not like a vampire. I wanna be outside. Mm-hmm. So, okay. Point taken. So maybe y'all alpha generation are trying to get some of that old energy back and be outside and. Not get that fresh air. Some of my 

Emma: friends though.

Amber: Oh, so maybe this is something unique to Emma. Okay. We'll have to, we'll have to take a poll and see. 

Emma: I've been here before, as you said. 

Amber: We, we do know that that is true. Someone actually said that yesterday. Emma's been here before. I can't remember who. 

Emma: Oh, I know who it was. It was Uncle Mel and um, Kia. 

Amber: They both said it.

Emma: Mm-hmm. 

Amber: Okay. That makes sense. Yeah, I definitely heard Akia say it for sure. Okay, so I'm just gonna look at my list of questions here because, um, when you brought up this topic, because it was so fresh and happening today, I was like, what kind of [00:20:00] questions can we ask to, uh, just bring up some of the things that you're experiencing?

Mm-hmm. So you told us what happened today. That was one of the questions, but here's, I think a good question. What do you remember most about playing with Maya or jojo? Uh, when you were little, 

Emma: I only remember Maya. 

Amber: You only remember Maya. And the reason I'm asking you this, because earlier you said you wanted to go back to, to that time.

So what do you remember about that time and how old were you? 

Emma: I was around three, four or five ish. Okay. I think. And we used to play tag and that was, that was around the time when we used to share a bunk bed. 

Amber: Oh my goodness. Yes. Y'all did share a room. First, I think you had separate beds and then you got the bunk beds.

Emma: Yeah, there's pictures of it. 

Amber: Yes. 

Emma: And we used to talk and one time I farted and smell like wine, eggs, and bacon. 

Amber: Y'all, these are the things [00:21:00] that you'll experience. So if this doesn't dismiss, uh, raising girls, because I think most time people think boys are like this, like this, but here we go. Emma's just sharing all her business with the world.

Emma: We'll see if it makes 

Amber: the cut. I might edit it. My goodness, Emma, 

Emma: I 

Amber: remember y'all sharing a room and Maya being like, she will not stop talking to me. 

Emma: I thought she liked it. She kept on talking to me. 

Amber: Oh, she kept on talking to you? 

Emma: Yeah, I talked and then she kept talking to me, but I 

Amber: think it was hard sometimes.

She was trying to go to sleep. Maybe like this sleep. I'm 

Emma: just like that. 

Amber: You like to talk? 

Emma: Yeah. 

Amber: Kind of like the sleepover that you did at Uncle Keith with Bella and Ariel. And what happened? What did, what did Bella say to you?

You said it. No, you [00:22:00] said I wasn't there. 

Emma: Going back to sleep. 

Amber: What time was it? 

Emma: Like 10 something or? Like 11, 

Amber: and you usually go to bed like 8 30, 9 30 usually maybe on the weekends. Wow. So you get super excited about sleeping over with your cousins. This was only the second time, and I think, yeah, we have talked about on the show about sleepovers and how I'm not a big fan of sleepovers with people I don't know, but family, if we're safe with them, then we can do that.

So that was your first sleepover was with Bella and Ariel. So you and Bella are the same age. Couple months apart. A year apart. And Ariel's, how old is she? Like four or five. Okay. So that was super cool and you get so excited about that. And I know when you get really excited, it's hard for you to sleep.

Like the first day of school, you're just up. You can't go [00:23:00] to sleep and then you're up early. So the sleepover, you couldn't get yourself together to go to sleep 'cause you, so just, you, I have assumptions about that, what I think is happening. But tell me what it's like when you get to go to sleepover with your, with your cousins.

Emma: Fun. 

Amber: Why do you get so excited about it? 

Emma: Because I don't usually hang out with them that much. 

Amber: And what's different between hanging out with them than versus being at home with your sisters? They understand 

Emma: me. 

Amber: Oh, say more about that. 

Emma: They understand me because they're young too. 

Amber: Okay. 

Emma: And they have, they still have creative minds and 

Amber: imagin.

Imagination. Imagination. So they're creative and they have imagination. But Maya's creative. 

Emma: Yeah. But like, like with games. 

Amber: Oh, like playing your own games. Making up games. So not a video game. [00:24:00] Oh, and I think that is a beautiful thing because you've talked about this before. You said adults. Yeah. As she just does a raspberry, which you just did with your lips.

Emma: That's a raspberry 

Amber: think. That's what it's called. Like when you just, yeah, I think it's called a raspberry. When you kind of like do that. I do that sometimes to relax my body. That's a good coping still. That's what I did. But you thinking about they're your age, they understand you, I think is really important.

And I think that is the hard part of being the youngest. I mean, I can't speak to that. I, I've heard people say that and students I've worked with, but I've, and I've also seen it with you, uh, that you feel misunderstood. But what I also see is, and this is what we talked about early on in the show, is that you are messing in your sisters.

Makeup and face care products. And I'm like, and then your face was breaking out and it must be hard being young and seeing your older siblings. So talk a little bit about that. Are you upset about anything else today with [00:25:00] Maya because you were getting really upset and what did you say? 

Emma: I got upset because she doesn't want to hang out with me that much anymore.

And where does she go to see the new Minecraft movie? And then that upsets you. 

Amber: Why? Mmm.

Why did it upset you?

Why are you just staring at me?

You can say it.[00:26:00] 

Emma: I am okay to cry.

Amber: How does that make you cry?

Emma: I just want to go back to how it used 

Amber: to be. How did it used to be? 

Emma: We used to play together. 

Amber: It used to play together. So it upsets you that she, she left today or it upsets you that she wasn't gonna keep playing with you. 

Emma: Both, 

Amber: both. That makes you really sad because now you don't have anyone to hang out with besides me and daddy, and that can be really hard.[00:27:00] 

Did she come back in and talk to you after, before she, uh, but before she left? 

Emma: No. She just said bye to me. 

Amber: You seemed better before she left though, but you got really upset and went to her room for a while. What were you doing in your room? 

Emma: I was coloring on my iPad. 

Amber: That helped you calm down? Yeah. You were frustrated, like not yelling or screaming, but you were just kind of making some noises 'cause you were frustrated by working through it.

Did you draw a special picture or you just kind of draw anything? 

Emma: Anything. 

Amber: Do you ever write out how you feel? 

Emma: No. 

Amber: That might help too, but I think you found a way to color and you calmed yourself down and then. You came back down when you were ready. But that makes you really sad. And I think for a lot of the people watching, they can probably relate to what you're going through.

Maybe not even if they're the [00:28:00] youngest. Like I would, you know, talking to Aunt Gag, I wanna would know how wonder talking to Aunt Gag, I wonder how she would feel, uh, 'cause she was the youngest in the family and so much younger than Graham. But, and also thinking about it doesn't matter where you are in a family.

Like it can be really hard when you're in the family and you feel like no one understands you or no one respects your opinion, or no one wants to hang out with you. So sometimes when you're in the house, you can even feel lonely when you're in the house full of people. And that's hard. Right. And that makes you sad.

And what is the thing that you said though? You said that? You want Maya to love you. You don't feel like she loves you? 

Emma: Not that much. She doesn't show it. 

Amber: So she doesn't show it. And what would it look like for her to show it to you? Hug me. Hug you?

Because you said she [00:29:00] doesn't like to give hugs and it hurts your feelings. Do you ever hug her? 

Emma: Yeah. 

Amber: Does she hug you back? And that hurts your feelings. How else can she show you love?

Emma: I don't know. 

Amber: That's a big one for you though. Well, something else you're saying is spending time with you. So physical touch and, uh, quality time or two of your biggest love languages is something that you'll always say. You say, can we hang out now? But you'll say that to, to daddy or, or me. And not so much with your sisters.

So think about even the last couple days, 'cause there were glimpses of it where y'all were hanging out, even the three of y'all were hanging out. How did that make you feel? 

Emma: Happy. 

Amber: Happy. Were you, were you thinking about, oh, or they're gonna get mad at me, or I gonna do something? Were you thinking you were gonna do something wrong?

That they would [00:30:00] get upset with you or you just in the moment just excited to be with your sisters? 

Emma: Both. 

Amber: So you do think about that sometimes you think, am I gonna do something? They're gonna get mad at me. So what, what happens when you think that way? 

Emma: I get mad at myself 

Amber: About what? 

Emma: That I, I'm going to do something wrong and they're not gonna hang out with me ever again.

Amber: You think that's true? No. But that's what your mind will tell you. Do you ever just get quiet or just. Get really tense because you're trying to not mess anything up. 

Emma: I get quiet 

Amber: and that's not you. So then you're not being yourself 'cause you don't want them to react or not play with you. And I think that's a really hard part about you wanting to fit in and belong.

That what you're saying is I can't be like myself in my own house with my siblings 'cause I'm afraid that they're gonna, they're not gonna wanna hang out with me or play with me. [00:31:00] So I'm pretending to be someone else or being a quieter version of myself. That can be really painful and hurt your feelings.

So then how can, how can, how can I help you when these things happen? Is there anything I can do? 

Emma: I don't know.

Amber: Or your sisters, what can they do?

Emma: They can try to show me. That they want to hang out with me, like ask me.

Amber: So you would like them to come and ask you to hang out? Mm-hmm. Do they ever do that? 

Emma: No. 

Amber: Are you always the one asking them? 

Emma: Yes. 

Amber: And that's frustrating because you, 'cause if you're always the one asking, then it doesn't necessarily make you feel like they want to hang out with you. So you would like them to come to you and [00:32:00] ask you to hang out.

That would make you feel loved. Mm-hmm. Hugs make you feel loved. Quality time makes you feel loved. What else could they do to show you that they love you?

Emma: I don't know, 

Amber: but those are two big ones, maybe.

Emma: Um.

I don't know what else, 

Amber: but that would help a lot. Mm-hmm.

So what would you like people to know about people like you that who are the youngest in the family? What do you think people should know about supporting you or making sure that you feel loved and you feel like you can belong and be your full self? 

Emma: I would say. [00:33:00] That

Wait to other people? 

Amber: Yeah, to people that are listening. 

Emma: I would say that, um,

we am confused. 

Amber: What would you have them, what would you, your advice be to other people so that they would know how to help people that are the youngest in the family? If you would give some advice, your chicken nugget wisdom. 

Emma: Um, do you want me 

Amber: to ask it again? 

Emma: Yeah. 

Amber: So thinking about all that you're experiencing, all that you're feeling that you have felt like, what do you think our listeners and our viewers.

What would you want them to know? What's your chicken nugget Wisdom? To let them know how they can best support people like you who are the youngest in the family. 

Emma: I would say to to people that want to su best support the [00:34:00] youngest people in their family. I would say that you need to spend time with them and act like you actually know them.

Amber: And how would you show that you actually know them 

Emma: by asking to hang out and including them in things and talking to them. 

Amber: That's really important, right? Mm-hmm. It makes you feel less alone, like you're a part of the family 'cause you are a part of the family. But I think sometimes, um, and I was on a webinar today with Dr.

Charles Barrett for our state Association of School Psychologist, and um, we were talking about. Differences and where you fit in, maybe in the family. And then, uh, my colleague Ronnie Gilbert was like, even if you're younger, so in school systems. There are still systems in place that kind of keep you down as a youth because they feel like you need to stay in a child's place.

You know how we talked about that before in the [00:35:00] show? Mm-hmm. But you have a lot of wisdom and a lot of things to say, but I think adults often wanna keep you down and you're saying, but I have an opinion too. I have things to say too, I wanna be included, or I want to do this thing, or I don't like this and I like this and I should be included instead of just shutting me down 'cause that hurts my feelings.

'cause you're a human too. I think that's really, really, really important. That's really good advice. 

Emma: Oh, I know another thing that Jojo said that made me sad. I said, am I being annoying? And she said, 

Amber: yes. But why did you ask the question that you were being annoying? 

Emma: Because I thought I was. 

Amber: What made you think that?

Emma: Because the way that jojo looked, 

Amber: the face she made, and you're really sensitive to people's. Facial expressions in their bodies. You know how you talk. I think that's a real gift of yours, that you are really attuned to that. Um, but then that confirmed it for you. How did that make you feel when she said yes?[00:36:00] 

Emma: Sad 

Amber: It hurt your feelings? 'cause I think, is that something that you think about? Like, you're always worried you're gonna be annoying. Do you think you get that message multiple times? Even if people don't say it? You just feel that? 

Emma: I just feel that 

Amber: in the house. Mm-hmm. So then we have to do a better job.

Making sure that you don't feel that way. 'cause that's a horrible way to feel. You're just being you and you're being 10 and you have tons of energy and you're creative and you have all these different things that you wanna do. 'cause I can see the thought in your brain and you're like, next thing you know, you're running and grabbing something from your room.

Or you're cutting up paper, or you're glowing something, or you're coloring something. And I think that's a really special gift. But I think we talked about this. 'cause adults, people get busy or older people. We look at that as being silly or childish. But guess what? You're 10. You should be experiencing that and we should welcome that because what we're gonna start doing is if we keep saying that it's annoying or you get the message that it's annoying, you'll [00:37:00] stop doing the things that you love to do and that makes you you.

And we need that. You in the world, not the quiet, dim, light version of you that you're. Starting to show because you feel like you're being annoying or, or people don't wanna be around you. So we wanna encourage you and encourage young people like you, or just encourage anyone that's feeling like they can't be their selves.

There's something that Marian Williamson says, and she's kind of like a spiritual leader, and she talks about you're not doing anyone any favors by theming your light. We think that well keeping the peace in the house, or they'll, they won't say, maybe they'll like me now. Or maybe they'll hang out with me now, but you're not even being your true self.

If you can't be who you are in this house, how can you be who you are out in the world? But it also makes me think how you say, how you really talk about your friends and you really love your friends. And you said you can be yourself with your friends. So that does make me think. [00:38:00] When you're with your friends, they truly see you and they get you 'cause you're your age that you can be yourself and that's why you love being around 'em.

I think maybe that was a part of why it was hard today because Maya went with her friend and you know that when you're with your friends you can be yourself. And because you're at an age where you know your friends don't drive or we can't just be like, oh, let's just go over Brynn's house. But that's something we can work on.

We can set up play dates. So there's things that we can do that you're 10 now, your double digits that make you feel more independent so that you can be around your friends more. 'cause you're definitely at the age now where you wanna socialize and hang out with your friends. You're just in a really hard spot in your age where you can't just go off and drive off yet you have six more years for that, which I can't believe is gonna go by so fast.

So what is one of the things that I always tell you though, when you're trying to grow up really fast? What did I say? 

Emma: You. You should spend as much time [00:39:00] as you are as a kid. 

Amber: Yeah. 'cause I mean, it's such a great gift because you have to grow up and you gotta do adult things that you talked about. And I think we need to, as adults, do more of what you bring to the world.

We need to bring more of that in and not get frustrated or, oh my gosh, I'm too tired to do this thing because. That makes us come alive too. And it kind of is going back. What I talk about is like reclaiming our childhood going back. 'cause we all had moments like you're experiencing when we were young and doesn't make it right.

But I think those are the things from what you're saying, and I hope what our listeners are hearing is how it makes you shrink, how it dims your light, how it makes you really sad and that that lives in you. It can change who you are as a person, and there's so much awesomeness about you that we're trying to keep intact and that you can be confident that you can be yourself in all your spaces, especially at home.

If you can't be yourself at home, [00:40:00] then we have to really make some shifts. And I know there's things like, everyone's like, oh, that's just how your siblings are. It doesn't make it right though, right? It still hurts, it's still unfair, but we gotta do a better job of making sure you feel included. They had to do a better job of showing you that they love you.

'cause I know they do. Remember you were in the hospital and they were all worried and scared, so they definitely love you. It's just they sometimes struggle to show it, but that would really help you a lot to feel included in the family. So I think it was really brave of you. I don't wanna mess up my mic though, but I think it was really brave of you.

To wanna talk about this today with all these strangers out here so they could get a better perspective of what it's like being a 10-year-old or being the youngest sibling in a house. And I bet you a lot of our viewers and our listeners can completely relate to what you're experiencing, even if they're 44 or [00:41:00] 64 or 84 because they've been there.

So it lets you know that you're not alone. It lets you know that there are people rooting for you and cheering for you. So I hope, um. Viewers, listeners that you'll encourage a little Emma. 'cause she was being really courageous today and she wanted to talk about this, uh, with y'all so that you could get some insight about what she experiences every day growing up as a youngest sibling.

So I hope you take her wisdom and you really make sure you, what were the two things you said? What do you want us to do about her job as, as for young people, 

Emma: um, include, um. Include young people in things and um, make sure you show that you love them. 

Amber: Those are really important. So include them will mean that we have to listen to what you like and what you don't like, and listen to your perspective.

And sometimes that takes. Patience, it [00:42:00] takes more time. 'cause you're trying to find the words or you're trying to figure it out. Or maybe we don't understand, but we have to spend that time. And what that is teaching us is that doing things that they like or you like that we have to learn what you like.

We can't just say, you're gonna do this because you're a kid. You have an opinion and you have likes and dislikes, and we have to honor that because you're a whole person. So thank you so much Amma, for sharing with us today. Even though that was hard, but what I hope is that you talking about it and thinking about it can help you to work on like what you need to do to make sure that you can be yourself, how you can heal, and that you can't hold that in your body, and that you know that who you are is more than enough.

That you were divinely made the way that you were made and changing yourself for anyone. Doesn't do anyone any favors. You stay who you are. Who you are is more than enough. It's exactly what this world needs. And when you start changing yourself, then the world's gonna miss out on your [00:43:00] dopeness. That's a phrase that we said when we were young.

'cause you're dope. What would y'all call that? What's, what's your alpha generation term for dope.

Emma: Oh, cool. 

Amber: Really? I feel like we said cool too. Is it coming back around again? 

Emma: A lot of things from your time are coming back around. So, 

Amber: I mean, you're cool, but you're cool, cool. So you're double cool. And the minute that you're trying to be someone that you're not, go back to being cool, Emma. That's what we need in this world.

And you can let your sisters know, like, who I am is more than enough. Like I'm, I'm dope, I'm cool, I'm all the things. I'm not gonna change for anyone. I'm gonna be me. I love you, kid. I'm super proud of you. Aw. Thank you for sharing your heart today with us and giving us some ways that we can be better and show up for our young people.

Thank y'all. Bye bye.