15 - Healing relationship wounds through empathetic witness with Leslie Brooks

Season 1, Episode 15: Healing Trauma & Relationships with Leslie Brooks

Introduction to Leslie Brooks and Trauma-Informed Healing

In this episode of the Wellness in Asheville Podcast, host Travis Richardson sits down with Leslie Brooks, a trauma-informed life coach and the creator of the Peaceful Goddess Project and the Women Who Whine Facebook community (with over 2,100 members). We explore the profound journey from surviving complex trauma to building healing communities for women.

Leslie shares her transformative path from 20+ years as a massage therapist to becoming a somatic experiencing practitioner, and how her personal experience with narcissistic parenting, abusive relationships, and family trauma shaped her understanding of nervous system healing. We dive deep into the science of somatic work, the power of empathetic witness, and why women in their 40s are reclaiming their authentic selves.

This conversation explores the intersection of feminine and masculine energies, the biological roots of women's need for community connection, and how patriarchal structures have pitted women against each other

Key Takeaways:

• The connection between trauma symptoms and muscle tension patterns in the body
• How somatic experiencing uses five channels (sensation, image, behavior, emotion, meaning) to discharge stored trauma
• Why women's biology drives them toward connection and how estrogen influences bonding behaviors
• The difference between masculine (doing) and feminine (being) energies as complementary forces
• How competition among women stems from historical survival patterns and collective trauma
• The healing power of empathetic witness and co-regulation in community settings
• Practical daily techniques for nervous system regulation and grounding

Timestamps:

00:00 – 03:00 | Introduction and Travis's thoughts on Asheville's divine feminine energy
03:00 – 06:00 | Leslie's journey from massage therapy to trauma-informed coaching
06:00 – 11:00 | Understanding complex trauma (C-PTSD) and the body's role in healing
11:00 – 16:00 | Somatic experiencing explained: accessing the 80% of experience held in the body
16:00 – 22:00 | Love addiction, attachment patterns, and the stories we tell ourselves
22:00 – 28:00 | Masculine and feminine energies: the river and the riverbank
28:00 – 33:00 | How competition among women stems from biological survival and collective trauma
33:00 – 38:00 | The healing power of community: empathetic witness and co-regulation
38:00 – 43:00 | Daily nervous system regulation practices and finding beauty in simple moments
43:00 – 44:00 | Leslie's favorite Asheville spots and closing thoughts

Episode Links:

Be Well Asheville

Be Well Asheville Podcast Archive

Leslie Brooks CLC

Peaceful Goddess Project

AVL Women Who Whine Facebook Group

Wild Woman Project

The Wellness in Asheville podcast is produced by Be Well Asheville, your local news source covering health + wellness news + events in Asheville. Get the latest at bewellasheville.com or follow @bewellasheville.

Transcript

Leslie Brooks - Relationships and Women

 [00:00:00] 

Speaker: Welcome to the Wellness in Asheville Podcast, where we shine a light on the people practices, and places that make this city one of the most inspiring wellness communities in the country. I'm your host, Travis Richardson, founder of Be Well Asheville, your local news source for health, wellness, and community events.

Today we sit down with Leslie Brooks, she's really one of the. Best, speakers I've had so far around women and relationships she's created a really awesome community. As you'll hear, maybe you've heard about women who whine.

She's got like 2000 people in this Facebook group, so you'll see why she's so popular here in just a bit. But before we do, I wanna say a couple things first. Um, about. Asheville, I think there is really a divine feminine that's alive [00:01:00] and well here. Uh, when I first moved to Asheville about five years ago, I just had constant encounters with what I would call empowered women.

These women have, are not afraid to say their truth. They are, um, free. Um, expressors they are. Um, I find women here find community. Um, fairly easy, easier than other places, uh, that I've been. And you know, it speaks to why there's so many bachelorette parties here. I think Asheville just sort of has the divine feminine kind of going on, so it's been really cool to watch how women can find a place to thrive in Asheville and how they're so attracted to this place because of that.

And speaking of that, I found a couple really cool, uh, things going on in Asheville here that you might be interested in. If you're a woman and are looking for community and connection, I've got a couple things that are of of curiosity for you. The first is Best De Quest, and this is [00:02:00] an event on November 9th. It's kind of a speed friending is what they call it for women in their twenties, thirties, and forties. And it's a real, playful, meaningful way for adults to spark new friendships. They're making it easier to have supportive relationships, and that's really nurturing, I think, for a lot of women here, uh, who are looking for that.

The second is the Wild Woman Project Circle Leader Training. This is a seven week online journey starting October 27th. Many of you have heard maybe of the Wild Woman experience, uh, and a Wild Woman Project. There's. We had a retreat, um, here in October, actually recently, and it's gaining a lot of traction, this wild woman experience.

It's pretty cool. This particular leader training is about creating leadership in women and nurturing your own women's circles. Helps you bring together practical tools, soulful ritual, and global sisterhood. And by the way, these plugs for both of these events, neither of the [00:03:00] organizers know that I've even plugged them.

I'm just really interested in women finding their best self and connecting with one another. And I just thought I'd go out and see if I could find a couple of relevant events that you might be interested in. And, uh, without that, let's get onto speaking more about relationships and healing trauma. And do that with Leslie Brooks here.

Without further ado, let's jump right into the show.

Speaker 9: Well, welcome Leslie Brooks to the Wellness Nashville Podcast. Excited to talk to you today about all things trauma, healing, nervous system, and really all about finding community. Yeah. Thank you for having me. So I, um, was going through some of your material and you've got a really interesting background.

You have a lot of experience. I mean, most people that I talk to, uh, who are like massage therapists and sort of in the healing space don't have decades. You have literally like 20 plus years [00:04:00] experience. Mm-hmm. I was curious. Yeah. And I'm curious how you started off. Um, as a massage therapist and how that informs sort of how, how you are now and where you are now mm-hmm.

And the work that you do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Be, I went right out of high school directly into massage school because I was very, um, cognizant that I wanted to be in the healing space. And so, um, and I being more of a touchy feely, like wanna get in there and help people. I was also, um, a soccer player, so. The whole idea of the muscles and and injuries, they made sense to me.

Leslie Brooks: So I went into massage school and um, really had a teacher who had a bend with neuromuscular work. And it was great because as I navigated my own trauma story, I recognized that the clients that I was calling in had a parti particular pattern of tension within their body. That as I went into trauma school, recognized that that was.

Anxiety, [00:05:00] trauma, it was all the things. So when I got myself into somatic work and understanding the bottom up approach, my clients all of a sudden made a lot of sense to me that I was calling in people with codependency and, and, and a on a trauma recovery, um, journey. And so I loved it because I was able to easily apply this, the work that I was doing to my clients.

Speaker 9: Hmm. Yeah. And I found, I've found as a former massage therapist myself, that their trauma does show up quite a bit. Not only in in clients coming in, but like even practitioners seem to naturally gravitate to massage therapy as an experience and and being able to heal and sometimes unconsciously they don't even know they've arrived at massage therapy school to heal some of those parts.

And then you see all kinds of things change. Has that been your experience as well? Yes, absolutely. IFI found that that was what got me on the journey because on my own trauma journey, because there was this [00:06:00] recognition that I was craving touch, that I had a very disorganized attachment style, um, because of.

Leslie Brooks: Everything that has happened to me in my life. And so getting into there and then also learning the correlation between trauma symptoms and muscle tension was just mind blowing because you need muscle tension to hold the charge of trauma. And so when the, when that realization happened and there's a cessation of symptoms after a massage session, and then it builds back up when we don't stay calm, but it just gives clients a fighting chance to keep calm and holy cow, it.

And people may not bring that in as an experience or understand it, but then when you say it, they're like, you know, now that you do say that, I do notice that my anxiety is a little better. So it's been a great correlation between the two. Can I read something from your website? [00:07:00] Yeah, I would love that. So I just, um, pulled this off because it was interesting because you have said something that some, another guest I had on, uh, recently also says, and so I just wanted to read here and then ask you a question about it.

Speaker 9: So it says, uh, I lived it, narcissistic parenting, abusive relationships, family trauma, years of people pleasing. I used to believe I was broken. What I now know is that you are not broken. You just need to wait back to yourself. That's the quote. And I had, uh, Hayden Hasty with Wellspring Wellness Center on, and he said something to me at dinner one night, and it was really just the most, I mean, he said it in such a sincere way, I just was like taken aback.

And he basically said, there's nothing wrong with you. There never was. And when you learn that. Everything changes and what you just said is really mirroring that. So powerful words. Um. [00:08:00] I guess, tell me about some of those things that you've been through in whatever way that feels. Um, mm-hmm. Helpful for, I guess, listeners to know that there's a way out of some of these things, right?

Leslie Brooks: I, my experience is, I am, I am someone with complex trauma, so C-P-T-S-D, um, which is relationship injury. I do not know a before and after. There is no, like, my life was normal and then it wasn't. I have that type of trauma, but from the beginning I only know clamoring for my mom's attention, fighting amongst the family to get her attention.

Um, and a withdrawn dad who, who was just working his tail off to provide and was disconnected and, you know, my dad was my everything, but he supports. Her the continuation of the behavior and I can't be a part of that. So what that led to was just a lot of, um, being the [00:09:00] scapegoat of my family really led to, there's something wrong with me.

Like I am an errantly flawed, and my gosh, I gotta tell you, as I've learned about trauma as a woman in particular. How our biology runs us into trauma because estrogen makes us wanna bond and connect and do all these things. And that disconnection is like death because of tribal wiring. So as women with that high estrogen, we're driven towards each other to survive.

It's a natural instinct, but it's particularly impactful for women and that's why you see a lot of women. Um, around 40, I'm 44. Start to get their shit straight because they're so tired, their estrogen's dropping, so they less care. And man, forties is the new twenties. Really, if you're asking me, because women are, you know, the twenties used to be so much about embracing themselves and living their life separate.

But man, [00:10:00] biologically at 40, like we just don't give a damn as much anymore. And that's when I see a lot of my people walk in. So, and that would be the case for me. It was like perimenopause phase. Mm-hmm. Like it was time for me to do my work. Totally. Totally. I see a, I see a lot of, I see a lot of men sometimes around this age.

Speaker 9: I'm 49 right now, and I, I have seen in my forties, men just be bewildered at like women doing what they consider, like radical life changes. And they're sitting here like, oh. What is going on? I used to have this wife I knew, I have no idea who she is anymore. She's now, um, a crystal loving massage therapy ing, you know, like, yeah, she's doing things I don't understand.

And that's, but that's all part of. Figuring out, like right, you've, if you've lost yourself for so many years, and I feel like that that is sometimes what happens, especially for women, I've seen, um, that you do have to find what you call a way back to yourself. So what, what ways have you [00:11:00] helped yourself, I guess, find a way back?

Speaker 11: Mm-hmm. A lot of it has been touching back in with my body, and in particular from the belly button down. Wi men are bring in their wisdom from their brain down, so it's all coming from the top down. Women, their power is in their pelvis. So a lot of mo, a lot of dance, a lot of being not working out, working into my body when I'm exercising.

Leslie Brooks: Ooh. I love that feeling. My feet hit the ground. Yeah. Um, music to the point where it's feels like I wanna move my body. But the important part from a somatic perspective is in non rhythmic ways. So it is a lot of what you see me do in my life has a lot to do with just bringing myself back home into my body.

Where my wisdom is. Did you say non rhythmic? Non non rhythmic. Non rhythmic. Can you explain what you [00:12:00] mean by that? Yeah, and so just, just literally shaking out the hand in a non dance way, mimics the biological response of animals when they get caught and then they escape, they shake. And so just first thing in the morning, putting on a song that you just feel like a queen and you dance your ass off to and shake your hands and your body, it puts us back in it.

Into our body and offloads all the trauma response that's still living in us in the morning. So there's a mental, so like when I look at, when I think about trauma and I, and I kind of look at the way. We have these, we have a mental body, we have an emotional body, we have a physical body, and trauma shows up differently in all of those.

Speaker 9: But I feel like with, with somatics, you're really touching the nerve, like the directly into the nervous system. Um, it's like a direct access. Can you tell people, I guess what is, for somebody who doesn't know what the word somatics or somatic [00:13:00] experiencing means, what is that and how does it impact the nervous system in such a powerful way?

Leslie Brooks: So Maddox is the basis of, the word is soma, which means body. What we know, and I just think this is so important for people to understand, is it's a well worn pathway for us to be in our head, to be in our thoughts, and that is only 20% of an experience is what we think of and what comes up to our mind.

But 80% is within the feelings within the body, the sensations in the body. And so somatics is the pathway back to your sensations, which truly inform most of our experience. But most of us stay within our brain and we stay in this worst case scenario. So our body's reacting to a story that actually isn't happening here and now.

So somatic experiencing, when you're talking about people with trauma, there is, [00:14:00] there's five channels we work across sensation, image, behavior, emotion and meaning. When we have PTSD, which is like a fight or flight response that's still not fully played out in your body, you lose one of those channels.

Like we'll stay in our head too much. Will it be too much in our own sensations, but not emotions? So somatic experiencing is building more relationship with the channel that doesn't come in clearest so that we can fully discharge the entire weight of the story that is still living open in our nervous system.

Speaker 9: Hmm. Yeah. In, in very interesting, uh, um, yeah, I guess you could keep going. Like, it goes pretty deep, right? Like, I mean, we're, we, we store all these things at the cellular level and you could, and we're really just trying to deprogram and rewrite a new story for ourselves. I do see that there's a tendency to, I mean, even when I was so.

One of the [00:15:00] examples I always use, I don't know why I realized this such an, at, such an early age, but as even like a young teenager, I was always so confused because, um, I. From a, from a young man's perspective, I guess I would see, and, and trust me, I had, I had all my own issues and they were plentiful, but I would see young girls, uh, young women who are like, this guy is you.

Everybody knows this guy is cheating on you. Like he's literally saying it and like. Like in front of you, like almost even like you can see it, look at him. He is doing it right now. Right. Um, and there was this belief that like, no, he is not, I know him. Um, he, he wouldn't do that to me. And I was just like, the no.

How can you not see that? It's literally this is right in front of you. That, and some of those young women, I, as I watched, as they grew into more mature women, they did end up with like. Abusive relationships. Yeah. Though they [00:16:00] were not, I would say I, I didn't know at the time if they were abusive, but they, as I had gotten to know some of them better as an adult, I came to know there was abuse in their life and this idea of like refusing to.

I don't know what it was. I guess what, how do you look at that, that whole situation? I have just an intimate relationship with the story you tell. Okay. And like, um, deeply still painful and just in and in present and informs a lot of what I do, what I see that as, as love addiction. It's an attachment to a story because typically when you see love addiction, you had to make up a story about your parent or your situation that wasn't true much in the way of like, um, a child that had a father that didn't show up, but they bel the child believed.

Leslie Brooks: To take the pain away that they were at a business meeting and they were gonna come back and get them. There was no truth [00:17:00] in that. But in order to survive, we lived in our creativity in a space that allowed our body to believe it. And it, and get through the situation. And so my, I honestly, I had a relationship, um, uh, with that was marred in love addiction.

Um, and the guy, I mean, almost killed me three times. And the reality was I kept going, but I'm the one who can understand, but I'm the one who can save him because honestly, in my mind, I'm already to the point where we're happy and healed and saved. But there's no evidence in the me in the moment that that's actually occurring.

Speaker 9: So that is so interesting. I've, I've also had this thought and this idea that women are the ones that bring, so like, let's take a look and, and like try to think from a more ancient perspective, I guess. Like what's hard coded into us as men and women and like for women. I feel like y'all are the ones that have always brought the tribe together, [00:18:00] the family, you know, in science we know that women think of, I think if I remember right, 20.

People in their lives per day, whereas men are three or four. Mm-hmm. We think about our very, very close people and that is it. And you guys are thinking about everybody else now. So here's my, my theory on this is if women are really about bringing and, and holding being the glue that holds their families together, their, their society, their cultures together, their communities together.

Then in a dysfunctional personal relationship, what they're also trying to do, and they don't know it is hold that together even though it doesn't work, but it's because they are literally hard coded to do so. And so that must seem like you're uphill battle because you're fighting your genetics in some ways.

You're, you're, you're programming, right? Yes. I mean, you've got the DNA, but you've also got the other conditioning on top of that. Yes. Yeah. Patriarchy has really killed that because mm-hmm. So [00:19:00] in so many ways, we have been taught that it's what we produce and do in a day. And actually that's not the genius of women.

Leslie Brooks: Men are the river bank. Women are the river. And we, and we know relationships that are heavily, heavily influenced by the woman. They do the best because they are left to free flow and read the situation because we can consider a tremendous amount of possibilities. Yeah. And we have the estrogen in order to maintain the connection, feel the disconnection.

I have goosebumps all over my body. Goosey. Goosey, like because, and, and women heavily. Form because we are meant to flow and pick up information. Then together as, as in the container of a relationship, the man holds the boundary for what the woman sees. Mm-hmm. As they agree in the value that he holds the sacred container of that.

Speaker 9: So I, as you're speaking about this, it also brings up another thing, [00:20:00] and I'm maybe getting a little sidetracked here, but it feels like men and women. Call it masculine and feminine, I guess. Um, I think it's important to talk about the differences because it, to me, it means I can better honor the strengths in my partner.

Mm-hmm. Um, I am. For instance, Jill has a way of being that like, she surprises me sometimes with the way she thinks about things and it's, it's to my benefit. But if I were to shut her down and she does, and then she feels like she doesn't want to share, now I'm hurting both of us. Um, so it's like, but we do need to become aware of as men, what women, how women are, and vice versa.

Women need to understand how we think too, because I feel like they're very. They can be very cohesive, valuable, honoring all of those if they know how they operate. If we don't, then we just cannot communicate, and I see it in my own [00:21:00] relationship often. I don't understand where she's coming from. She the same, and then the room gets quiet.

Leslie Brooks: Yeah. Yeah. If you don't have the container of masculine and feminine energies, it's not a complete picture. And I would almost like to take it out of gender and into, or into the physical body and out of it to say that masculine and feminine are energies. They're not a performance in the world. And so many times that's really been.

Bastardize change to be a man and have feminine qualities, which if you're really looking at it, feminine qualities are the qualities of just being. They're the qualities of creativity. They're the qualities of connection. They are the female. Energy is the energy of co-regulation. Mm-hmm. It's the energy of, I have a healed and stable nervous system and I'm going to lend mine to yours so that we together [00:22:00] become whole and masculine energy.

So a lot, a lot of women who they, they're concerned that they show up and they're masculine too much or people are making fun of them. They're just concerned with production. Like it's about, it's the being energy, or excuse me, the doing energy. Yeah. So the feminine is the being, the masculine is the doing.

And in so many ways we have made them be one gender or the other, but they are not, they are not an, they're an energy of being or doing. And with the masculine, it's a lot of production. So, and, and actually in a lot of ways less safety than you would think. Really, mothers are the protectors of the world, so we've got that backwards too, as like men do, but they protect the energy of the woman so that she can move and flow how she meets to totally.

Speaker 9: Somebody just, uh, I was listening to a, I don't know, YouTube or something, and this guy, it was like a short, and it was like 32nd thing. [00:23:00] And he was talking about, you know, how men and women are both needed. And we talk about like protecting what kinds of energies, like you just talked, talked about, you know, if somebody, if a, if a, somebody breaks into your house, typically the masculine that's going to, um, take, do whatever it takes to eliminate the threat, right?

Like there we're just, that's programmed. The female is, uh, sacrificing herself, throwing herself onto the, the children. Mm-hmm. You know, ready to, um, just like die. Whatever, whatever needs to happen to protect life. So you need both of those. If somebody intrudes your house, you can't do 'em. All right? Your, you can't both protect your kids and handle the situation you need.

You need both, both energies. And so I, I found that really, I, I liked how he, he put that very simply. I'm like, that makes total sense. And realistically yeah, that's exactly what would happen. So yeah, I like that. And if you wanna, if you want a female to be more feminine. [00:24:00] Or, or like, if you truly want to show up to allow feminine energy to occur, it requires safety because it's, it requires safety to allow the woman to flow and create, because that's what creativity is.

Leslie Brooks: It's happens in safety, I feel like, and in our culture, um, it's been harder and harder for women to, um. Have that like creativity and space because, uh, I just, I used to work as an engineer and I saw how, you know, these are women that loved math and they loved computer science and they loved technical work, but.

Speaker 9: Because of the old patriarchal, I guess you'd call it, um, higher, oh, call it hierarch, hierarchical, mm-hmm. Nature that the patriarch patriarchy tended to levy on us. They just did horribly in that, in that regard because the way they women operate the, I like, I remember being in a, in a meeting and it's like, you know, eight men and one woman, [00:25:00] and we're like discussing ideas and this woman was like, um.

Just like wanted to free flow and just throw ideas out and for consideration. And the men I could tell was like. Oh my gosh, you didn't think through the most perfect idea and you don't have it all figured out and there's no data behind it. Right. And like, and so she just got shot down. But that, but what she was doing was offering something really valuable, which is brainstorming, creativity flowing, figuring something out without regard for how it's gonna be perceived.

And I was like, oh, this is such an example of masculine, feminine, just of how we've, uh, disallowed women to be themselves and also made it be culturally like. Okay. Sort of. Mm-hmm. Like it was all, nobody, nobody saying I was the, in the background just being like, this is screwed up. I'm watching slim be screwed up right now.

Leslie Brooks: Absolutely. And it's so interesting because you know, a lot of men will perceive women coming at them, complaining about the relationship, but what you are [00:26:00] seeing is what you're talking about. They see a better way. It might just be a sloppy like thought that needs to be cleaned up through processing, but if a woman comes to a man and said, I would love to work on emotional relationship, our sexual relationship, it's not a complaint.

They're looking and saying, oh, I found something creatively that could be a better way for us to operate, but it doesn't have to be pretty. Mm-hmm. In fact, it's better if it's not. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Uh, the, the more messy, the more, more organic and the more fluid sometimes. Yeah. Okay. I got some other questions regarding, specifically we're talking about, uh, community and regarding women.

Speaker 9: And, um, some of the things I've also seen is competition, uh, among women. Yep. And how that really has hurt. And I do a lot, I do see a lot of coaches like yourself and women, other women trying to, uh, to. Just, you know, change that, but how do you see competition [00:27:00] and how it's harmed, like the feminine community and as a whole?

Leslie Brooks: Yeah, it's, it's made us against each other in a way that people can't understand how people like me who have, um, anar, like I have a nar, a certifiably narcissistic mom who. I can't go to my other females because they're not safe. They're going to judge me. They're going to discredit me. And we have to understand the biological beginning of that because biologically from a tribal perspective, if my spouse leaves me, I might die.

Like he's not gonna feed me. Mm-hmm. Protect me. Same with the belonging and village. Like when we don't feel connected, it feels like a live or die experience. Because that's my people. Those are my people who love and care about my experience. And so now it's then gone into, you have an iteration of time and space where, um, it was get the best suitors so that you could have enough money because women were [00:28:00] not able to, um, to work and make money and hold land.

And so now without understanding the origin, it now has carried over into today where they don't, it's this, it's literally a. Collective community. Complex trauma of like when someone gets at the head or someone has control, I need to knock them down. 'cause what are they gonna do with it? Or do they have my best interest in mind?

And so, and that's where patriarchy has influenced females to put them against each other. And frankly, it's killing us because the idea of like gossip being bastardized in, in communities, gossip literally served to function to share with within community, which men were unsafe. Mm. And and it's interesting.

Speaker 11: It wasn't about talking about each other. It was meant to say like, Hey, dude, on the corner is not safe. Just keep an eye out, pass it on. Oh, [00:29:00] and then it was illegal for women to to walk two by two in gossip, like women. Collectively, they are meant to call in multiple points of view because their brain can do it.

Leslie Brooks: And so, and yet we act like they're too emotional. I think men are not emotional enough or people in that patriarchal structure. We are reacting to bullshit that's been going on for centuries, but we're turning on each other instead of saying, I need help. And you are seeing some of it change because like, um, a lot of it women, um, they're talking about with younger women, like in their twenties, when they go to a bar and you're unsafe, do not go to a man, run to a mama bear in that room.

Yeah. Run to her because she's got you. Right. And, and that's that relationship relational hug you're talking about that women provide, whereas is it, it's just, we're getting it, but it's just really, it's too few and far between. It's slow, isn't it? Yeah. I, I sometimes think about the global consciousness and, and [00:30:00] I think I really, I, I, it's sad, sad to say, but I, I, and I don't mean to be pessimistic and I'm, I'm an optimist in general, but I think that the kind of changes that have taken thousands of years to, you know, get to where we are now, take so long to undo mm-hmm.

Speaker 9: Because we are operating with cultural assumptions that we don't even know. We operate from, uh, we take them for granted because they're just how we, how, how the we appear to be, how the world is. Uh, I'm, I'm trying to, I try to, as a man, become very aware of my own, um, balance in my own like feminine energy so that I can be, become as more balanced so that I can help support.

I don't have the ability to do change everything, but man, I gotta tell you, like for the women in my life. Hope they would say, I do my damn best because mm-hmm. We, we men, we men have such a powerful role in being able to help shift this [00:31:00] to help women trust. Uh, what do you see in your community being the most helpful for our women?

I guess how does being in community help heal women?

Leslie Brooks: One of the things that we talk about as an agent of trauma, like something that heals trauma, is people don't understand how empathetic witness is the most healing agent in the world. Hmm. Every woman. I have a community that's a fun community called Asheville, women Who Wine. There's 2100 of us right now.

I started that about a year ago. That is all about, um, creating. Full body, yes. Moments in community because that's how we're designed, especially as women with estrogen. When we share fun, especially for people like me who don't have before and after trauma, we instead no dysfunction to no moments of joy together.

In [00:32:00] safety, the way we're biologically designed changes a nervous system. It gives them a sense of what they're getting back to. And then for The Peaceful Goddess Project, which has about 600 over four cities. That is all about empathetic witness. It is the most healing agent in the world. Women feeling felt by their community, quenches the nervous system and trauma falls away.

When we feel heard, it's our number one go-to is the social nervous system. That's the latest adapta adaptation. That's the vagus nerve. Mm-hmm. The vagus nerve innervates or it feeds the social engagement system. That's the first thing that comes on when we hurt biologically. It's to speak to somebody and say, I'm hurting, or to stop somebody to set boundaries.

So when you put women together, doing naturally what they do, which is empathizing and creating safe space, and [00:33:00] then co-regulating, because that's feminine energy. Mm-hmm. It knocks your socks off as a woman, like big, full body goofies right now, because that's what we're freaking supposed to be doing. And instead yeah, we're told to hate each other because she's a size zero and I'm not, or, and it, it's just, it, it breaks my heart.

Speaker 9: That's what keeps the game going though every judgment is a, you know, the course of miracles talks about, um, every. Thought like that is an attack on the other. So Absolutely. We don't realize we're attacking women constantly when we have a, a thought like that. Um, and, you know, uh, yeah, I feel like, and, and men too.

I, I feel like, you know, for us, we, uh, we judge ourselves in different ways. I think men are status driven and we judge ourselves based off of. Status and power. Mm-hmm. Um, women often it can be, I mean, I, I see women all the time, their eyes scan other women, I like looking. I see their eyes [00:34:00] go up, down, up, down.

And I already, and they don't have to say anything. I already know what you're thinking. Yeah, absolutely. And I think, think it's really important. It's so true, but I think it's really important to understand what judgment is. Mm-hmm. Like summed up really briefly, and this is the example I typically use, it's hatred towards the self.

Leslie Brooks: So if you've got, like say you have a very judgemental woman that's looking across the street at a unwed pregnant mother, judging them, saying, how could they, they're just saying if they were in that situation, they would hate themselves. Safe people have space for their own emotions and they will give you safe and compa safety and compassion for your own.

If you wanna be a safe person, have compassion for yourself first, because you'll find it for other people. If you don't wanna judge people, don't judge yourself, right? 'cause that's what judgment is. Get off your own back. You'll feel better. I've, I, I swear and I know I've met women who they are just constantly, and I think it's authentic.

Speaker 9: I'm, I'm pretty [00:35:00] sure, 'cause I know them, is that when they see something in another woman, they're so complimentary to them or they're like, oh my gosh. And they're just like so excited and so happy for them. And I'm like, oh man, you are a breath of fresh air. I can't believe you're that way. Yeah. Like, and I see them internally.

Also it, it's like they're saying these positive things, but it's because they themselves are feeling good inside their, their body. So I guess it kind of starts with feeling good in yourself. Um, what now on that point, what do you recommend? Two questions. What do you do for self-care to feel good in you?

And is that the same or different from what you recommend to like maybe say people you work with? Um, no. What I do every, anything that I suggest to somebody has, I've gone through it myself. Like I, how dare I in my, in my mind, yeah. Uh, suggests something I cannot or will not try myself. That's, that's not creating safety in a way forward.

Leslie Brooks: Um, for me, I, [00:36:00] I think massage therapy, which I provide, um, for nervous system regulation is. Really important because it gives us a fighting chance. But the biggest thing that I teach is people with trauma or going through toxic stress like unabated stress. They need. They typically, if we wake up in the morning at a one, which is what most people without trauma can do, they're gonna feel relaxed and yawn and stretch and be present.

We're waking up at about a six and if, if 10 is losing my shit, six is not a good place to start in the morning. So I am very huge about bringing your six down as low as you can to the one first thing in the morning, however, is already in your body and in your. In your life already. Hmm. So for example, if you take a shower in the morning, putting your hand in the water and going, this is my hand.

This is what my hand feels like. This is my arm, this is what my arm feels like. That puts us back in our body. And then the other thing going [00:37:00] throughout the day, as the day goes on, nervous system's gonna ramp up. That's natural. And I really want people four times a day for 30 seconds to orient around the room.

Look into the corners, understand what looks pretty, if you're at a six, what makes it a five? If you're at a five, what makes it a four? And it could just be looking up the beautiful Blue Ridge mountains that we are resourced with here that like, I lived in Ohio for all my life. My God, I wanna. Ball every time I see mountains behind the target, same.

And it puts me, it puts me in my body again. Like it's a resource. And yeah, and then the like, kind of the next thing is, is find a friend. Find safety because co-regulation is real. And if we don't let it build up and wait for one of my events to have fun, and instead we reach out to a friend daily or every other day, that's a moment of feeling felt, that's gonna feel good to you.

So, but yeah, I mean all of it is about, is tending the nervous system, [00:38:00] grounding several times a day and being willing to see the beautiful moments because if we're threat assessing all the time, we're missing the good that happens in a day. Wow. Absolutely. Wonderfully said. That is so true. And, and there is.

Speaker 9: I was just watching the outside. I was on a call and I just stopped for a second and I lost my train of thought because I was looking at the leaves fall right now. Yeah. And oh my God, if you guys can just sit, go outside for just a second and watch the leaves fall. And that's it. Woo, man. Like nature's putting on a show.

I'm telling you it's happening right here in Nashville. Have goosebumps. I have goosebumps everywhere. This is gonna be, it's so simple. They make it sound like it's like doing the work. This one thing I wanna, I, I wanna impress if you got left nothing with, with what I had to say. The biggest thing is, is we talk about doing the hard work and Travis, the hard work for people in trauma is to see those leaves fall.

Travis Richardson: Yeah. Is to [00:39:00] look at those mountains. That's the hard work for us. We've already been doing this shit all our lives, like Yeah. That is, that is so, so true. Well, um, so you've got, uh, just to recap for the listeners, this, you know, you've got the Peaceful Goddess Project. Um, you've, you're in a book club, uh, with Kathy Harlow.

Speaker 9: Mm-hmm. Um. Don't know if we have time to talk about that, but just know that that exists. That's something Leslie is leading. Uh, and you do lots of, um, community, you, you do your, your, your classes. You also have the Women who whine, uh, Facebook group, which I'm, I think is a great name. And if you haven't joined that, I really recommend, that's a great starting point, I think to, to see and check out, uh, uh, your work.

You also have some freebies, like you have a freebie video that can kind of help people get grounded in sort of what you do. Can you talk about that, that video? Yeah. That video is kind of [00:40:00] one of the pillars of my work where it's the full body f no. Work and that, that's one of my, um, the pillars is boundary setting.

Leslie Brooks: And so the video kind of goes into how to feel good in your body saying no, because that no is protecting moments of yes, it's protecting our ability to see the leaves falling. And so it's a body way of jumping in and saying, I'm going to hold a container around the good in my life by being willing to say no.

And it's the beginning of that. Love that. Uh, last, uh, rapid fire question here for you. Uh, where is your favorite spot in Asheville that you like to go to ground yourself, maybe feel a little more connected to yourself and kind of just go within, like, where, where, or do you have a spot that you enjoy here?

Honestly be if it's not my office, because that thing is, uh, has so many plants and it feels so good. Um, I will say I often, 'cause I'm, [00:41:00] I'm seeking connections, so you'll see me a lot. If I'm looking for connection, go, this sounds ridiculous. The Flying Squirrel Pub in Arden has the nicest owner and when I walk in, he's always like, how are you?

What's going on? It, it's more a face for me. You know, it's definitely more a face for me that I've been able than I've been able to cultivate some relationships that's hard for me. So that, that really is joy for me. You know, I totally get that. Uh, I was just in Cantina Louis, uh, down in South Asheville.

Speaker 9: It's funny 'cause I, and I know the owner and I was like, Hey man, I just wanted to say. I'm having a really awesome Taco Taco Tuesday at your place and it was all about the bartender. The bartender is just so nice. Yes. I'm like, this is so, like she's worth more than whatever you're paying her for. 'cause I'm like having an amazing, she's smiling and happy and talking to people.

I'm like, okay, I'm feeling really good right now. And I left feeling just like. God dang, I'm in a good mood. And she had no [00:42:00] idea like how that made me feel and absolutely. You know what I'm saying? And it was at, uh, Cantina Louis. So yeah, I know I haven't been there yet, but like Lisa Marie at, um, bill Bill's, the owner, but Lisa Marie, who's, who's, um, in on his bar like.

Leslie Brooks: Holy cow. Like I walk in, I'm like, like she knows I'm there. Like I am seen because so much of my life has been unseen or seen for the crap I do because we're human and make mistakes. Like, she's like, you're here. And I'm like, oh, I love that so much. Like, we all need to do that so much for each other. Yeah.

Speaker 9: And oh my gosh, it's really what we need to do. Yeah. Uh, it's been so well, it's been amazing talking to you. I want to talk to you again. I feel like there's, we literally didn't cover what I. I mean, there's so much more depth and. You have such clear answers to my questions that like, you don't even have to think about.

They roll off. It's like, you know, you, you just are this, whatever. You know, you are this, you've been through this. I can just tell it. It's so [00:43:00] obvious. So, um, thank you. Yeah. I hope, I hope you've enjoyed the, the time with me. Oh, this is amazing. Give me an excuse to talk about the thing I love the most in the world, which is my job.

Oh, well, I hope to, to share your messages with as many people as I can and appreciate you. If I do a women's event, which I've been considering doing, I'd love to have you be a part of that as well. I would love that. Love that. All right, well, you have a good one, Leslie, and until next time, be well. Thank you.

Leslie Brooks: Same to you.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Wellness in Asheville podcast. To explore trauma-informed coaching, somatic healing, or join Leslie's upcoming book club on Mother Hunger, visit leslie brooks clc.com or follow at Leslie Brooks CLC on Instagram. Whether you're navigating relationship trauma, craving authentic connection, or longing to rebuild sisterhood, Leslie's work offers a powerful doorway.

Into nervous system, safety, truth, and community. And if you enjoyed this episode, like always, [00:44:00] please leave us a review and share it with a friend To learn more about Be Well Asheville, visit be well avl.com.

You can catch the next episode while on your way up to visit Mount Mitchell or cruising down I 26 or on your way to catch a nice sunset view over at the Black Balsam Knob. if you loved what you heard, please rate and review this show. Your review helps others discover and grow our wellness community.

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