31: The Fear of Being Misunderstood

🌱 The key to releasing the fear of being misunderstood & building self-confidence

🌱 How to sit with your mind & listen to your thoughts to better understand yourself

🌱 How self-censorship keeps us living a watered down boring life

🌱 Rewiring patterns by seeking to understand yourself through love and compassion>shame

🌱 Why it can feel so hard to love yourself

🌱 The logical reasoning behind why it’s scary to feel misunderstood

🌱 The compulsive need to control how others perceive you

🌱 Why everything outside of us is a mirror for our own internal landscape

🌱 Learning the ability to internally source safety & love and become unshakable

& more!

Catch up with me & our community on my socials below:

Instagram: @organicreagan https://www.instagram.com/organicreagan/ 

YouTube: @Oreaganic (https://youtube.com/@oreaganic?si=-G95qvftDopdbCWv)

Xoxo, Reagan🤍🌱

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello my friends. Welcome back to the organic podcast. I'm your host, Reagan, and this podcast is all about being your most organic self so that you can live a happier, healthier, most authentic and aligned version of life. In today's episode, I'm gonna be doing a bit of a yap about the fear of being misunderstood. Cause this has come up for me lately, and it's coming up for me because I feel like I'm meeting a threshold of comfort when it comes to just like how I put myself out to the world. And definitely one of the biggest things holding me back is this fear of being misunderstood and people having the wrong perceptions of me or m misjudging me or like whatever. I I feel like this is a very common phenomena that a lot of people could relate to. So my hope and intention is that this helps you feel a little bit less alone if you're struggling through this, and if you're someone who's not really going through this right now, but you felt it before, or you might feel it again, as many of us do, then I hope this episode helps you out. Okay, let's get into the episode. Welcome to the organic podcast. I'm your host, Reagan, mechanical engineer, lifelong athlete, and recovered overachiever, here to empower you to pursue your highest potential and live freely as your happiest, most organic self. Every week we'll dive into topics ranging from personal growth, mindset hacks, psychology, and a blend of science and spirituality to give you all the tools you need to stop living on autopilot and start creating a life of freedom, meaning, and fulfillment as your most organic self. If you're ready to become the best person to yourself, the most before we get into the episode, guys, I need to paint you a picture of my current scenery right now because I every single day that I live where I live, I feel so extremely blessed. Like so extremely blessed. And I'm always someone who has I have I'm someone who's always had like a gratitude be a part of my life, but I'm currently watching a family of deer prance across a fucking farm looking out my back door. Like oh my god, I am so fucking happy that I got an apartment. Okay, anyways, I this is just so beautiful. I'm literally sitting crisscrossed on my floor, like looking out my window. I look like a crazy person. Um and the window is open. So if you hear any birds, I'm sorry, but I'm not that sorry because you should enjoy it. It's beautiful ambiance. So as I look mystically at these beautiful, beautiful freaking deer. I love oh my god, I love deer so much.

unknown 2:40

Oh, they're so cute.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I can't, they're so fucking cute. They're prancing. Alright, now that I've lost all of my audience, let's get into what I'm actually talking about today. The fear of being misunderstood. This usually comes up when you are reaching a threshold of being seen at a greater level than you ever have before. Or if you know you have something you want to say, something's coming up, and you can feel yourself like censoring because you're like, oh, I don't want to have XYZ outcome happen, or like I don't want to be perceived wrong. I don't want to have someone think I'm judging them, or like take it the wrong way, whatever. Like basically the fear is a bad outcome associated with everyone else external to you as a result of an action that you did in terms of something you said, something you thought, something you did, whatever. Like something you do causes other people to feel a certain way, which you cannot control, and you want to control that outcome. That's the source of the suffering that comes from the fear of being misunderstood. The problem here is that we cannot control how other people think or what other people think of us. We know this logically. You can understand this, you can say that, you can be like, Yep, that's correct. I can't I can't control how other people think of me. I can't control what they think, I can't control if they misunderstand me, blah blah blah. But I don't fucking care. I'm still terrified of it, and I don't feel like doing it because it's so uncomfortable by definition. Literally, it is it is out of your comfort zone. Like it is so uncomfortable to be so committed to yourself to be able to speak your mind, say what you want to say, do what you need to do, and not care about what someone else is gonna say about it, especially when it's very tied to something that you care deeply about within you. Like if someone is a very kind person and they really value that about themselves, they they it's a value for them to treat others with kindness, and some situation happens where someone else perceives them as being mean, like that person who values kindness is going to be really, really deeply affected by that because obviously it's connected to something that's very important to them. Whether or not they were actually being mean, which you know, half the time people aren't, and it's all just a reminder of like anyone else's opinion of you is just a projection of that which is within themselves already. Like anyone else's judgments, how they see the world, like them, anything they're putting onto you with any sort of like negative spin or reactionary kind of response, it's it's coming from them, babe. Like it has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with you, and yet it feels so personal because we are trained to need connection, we are wired to need community, especially as women. So when you feel like someone outside of you, especially if they're someone you really care about, is making false assumptions about you, or you just can't explain yourself in a way that they understand you, and they're making these, you know, assumptions or have these beliefs and opinions that you feel like you just know are not true to you. Oh my god, it's so hard. It can be so hard and stressful, and it's just like it's just a lot. And here's a real kicker, guys. This is the kicker, this is the juice. Worrying so much about like anything outside of you, all these worries, opinions, whatever, none of that's actually the problem. Like, the problem isn't your persistent fear of what everyone else is thinking, the problem is your own lack of internal acceptance because your fear of other people judging you is only a reflection of how you judge yourself internally. That is the key, that's the secret sauce. Because when you think about how it would feel to like unconditionally love yourself, to be so confident in yourself, so like so easily back yourself up and be like convicted in what you believe, the truth of who you are, like the power behind a message you have to share, or like the need to speak the truth, whatever it may be, when you are so convicted by that, like so convicted in that, and you have that sense of internal empowerment behind it, ain't no one doing shit to shake that. Like, that is literally unshakable. That's what creates the confidence that, oh, absolutely not. Oh my god, hold on. Pardon the intermission. There was, in fact, a bug that almost tried to infiltrate my home, and I said, absolutely not. Anyways, it all starts within, guys. It all starts within you. Like, you cannot expect someone else outside of you, your significant other, your friends, the world. You can't expect anyone to give you a true sense of like fulfillment, deep understanding, deep sense of love, unless you are willing to understand yourself and love yourself to that exact same degree. You know what I mean? Like, the outside world is just a reflection of us. We focus, well, let me let me backtrack that. We experience the life that we focus on. We don't experience life just objectively, neutrally, right? And what we focus on, what we prioritize, is based off of our belief systems and what we are most comfortable with prioritizing. That is shaped by a lot of different experiences learned, conscious, subconscious, throughout childhood, through into adulthood, like all the time. You're always absorbing, you're learning, your brain is processing so much all the time, creating this internal structure and like material framework behind your entire thoughts and process and dialogue that then is your visual point out into the world and reflects on all your experiences. And I bring this up because it loops back to how you are able to love yourself, because that programming, those beliefs, the way that you see the world and the life that you experience is all again a reflection of this programming. And if you are not like there's there's some disconnect if you are feeling like a very deep sense of I cannot be misunderstood, or else like something bad's gonna happen. Like if you have something within you that is so vehemently like forcing you to avoid that, that's really that's really good news. That's really good news because now you have awareness of it, and this is a massive point of growth that you can lean into and a fantastic opportunity to more deeply understand yourself and therefore experience a greater level of freedom than you ever would have been able to if you just one never had the awareness of said behavior or thought or belief system, and two, if you just started off life having this picture-perfect image and like 100% self-confidence, I'm just myself. Like, that's not how anyone lives. No one is living completely like healed, unbothered, like anti-programmed, completely as themselves. Like that, that is why I have this podcast. It is a lifelong explorative journey to come back to being your most authentic self. And only when you are your most authentic self is when I feel you can experience life to the absolute maximum potential and the greatest degree of freedom. But like, it's isn't it ironic that we we come out being ourselves? Like, think about the the pureness of a child. You come out being completely yourself, and then you just learn through so many experiences from other people who are also influenced by everyone else. Like, we're all just influencing each other to create these belief patterns and thoughts based on our perceptions and everything. And it's just like, oh my goodness, I feel like some sort of deeper dive into like human psychology and the psyche and subconscious work truly is the most impactful work that anyone can do and learn about because that is what is most influential to our day-to-day lives. Like, it should be common knowledge, your subconscious mind and its influence on your life, as well as your nervous system. Like, these are probably the two biggest areas of your life that really need a deeper sense of education around them if we are actually gonna start like building our society back up to be like one that is not in the hustle grind, like people with low self-confidence, low self-worth, like projecting, judging, whatever. Like, we basically need to figure our own shit out. And those are like the two best topics, in my opinion, to dive into. If you are someone who is like, ooh, I would really love to learn more about those. Like, that's where I really got started with all this. So, how this relates to being misunderstood or the fear of being misunderstood is this programming, these beliefs are like that is what is blocking you from having a sense of self-love and self-compassion. Because some part of you thinks that you need to rely on the opinions of others outside of yourselves and like control the perception of others, because if you don't, then you will be rejected, you will be abandoned, like insert whatever thing that may be for you. And take this as your opportunity if you if you so feel called to take a few minutes to just like sit with that and reflect on that for yourself. Like, what actually happens if I am myself, if I like put myself after, if I say this thing, if I have this like you know, confrontation with this thing that's been bothering me or whatever, what happens if I actually do that? Like, what is the worst case scenario option? Because it can be really scary to think about that. You don't want to lose people, you don't want to lose people that you're close with, you don't want to have anyone perceive you wrong. But then again, like I said, if you're someone who is so rooted in what you are saying, what you are doing, who you are as a person, you don't give a flying fuck what anyone else has to say about it. And it's not from the energy of like, oh, I'm better than you, and you just can't handle me. And like, if you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen. Like, that's not the vibe we're going for. Or more so more, more so going for the vibe of like being really grounded in our own truth. And this is this is not to say that I do this perfectly. Like, again, my podcast is a direct reflection of experiences I'm actively working through. And this is one that's come up lately that I'm like, hmm. Yeah, I find myself worrying about judgment from others if I talk about certain topics or things that might seem like, I don't know, a little woo, or things that not everyone understands, or just things that I I worry people are gonna have like false interpretations of, whatever that may be. Like, I I don't wanna it's like I censor myself from talking about things sometimes because I'm like, oh, well, I don't want someone to think poorly of me, but again, I'm realizing more and more lately, like, wow, it really is just a reflection of myself. Like, no one is actually ever really judging you. Like, yes, people can be objectively judging you, but anyone who's judging you is also judging themselves. And if you're worried about someone else judging you for something, it is because you are judging yourself for that. Do we see how everything here is kind of like the mirror and the spiral kind of energy where it all circles back to like the same thing of like your own internal world? It really is coming back to yourself. So my challenge to you is to think of like the top, I don't even know, maybe like a top list, or just write down a list, maybe like top three to five things of areas, things, whatever where you are not acting, not speaking, not being completely yourself because you are worried that someone's gonna misunderstand you. Like, write down those subjects, those topics, those areas of life, and then genuinely take the time to be like put time and thought into being introspective about this and pick your own brain. Like, this is where the work to actually experience evolution that brings you closer to a sense of like mental personal freedom happens. It happens in like these really small, boring moments where you are just sitting with your own thoughts and fleshing out your own experiences. Because if you sit with your mind for long enough, it doesn't even have to be a long time, but if you sit with your mind for long enough, like it will speak to you. And I'm not saying in like a freaking crazy schizophrenic way, I'm saying like you will receive answers. Like your body stores so much emotion, so much energy, and so rarely do we give ourselves the time to actually sit with it and understand it. But there's so much wisdom already within us, and like the wounds that exist inside of us that keep us in this cycle of fear and worries and whatever, they're not meant to hold us back. Like the desire of those wounds is not just to keep us miserable and stuck, it's to keep us safe, safe from abandonment, safe from being left out, like judged, whatever. So we can give ourselves more compassion for that sense of our minds, and then once we actually approach the the wounded parts of ourselves with that sense of compassion, like as I said, you will gain answers, you will gain insight, like you can learn so much more about yourself, and therefore have the power to change your own internal psyche just by giving yourself the space to sit with your own thoughts, specifically when you're reflecting on things like this, like the list I just gave you of reasons why you're scared of being misunderstood or like certain areas of life, you know what I mean? I'm telling you, this practice is something that can genuinely like it's not is not revolutionary, it's not freaking, you know, rockus science here. But I'm I what I really want to emphasize is that you can make changes in your life by doing these very basic practices, but it all just centers back to sitting with your own thoughts and trying to understand yourself better and ultimately doing so so that you can foster your own internal sense of self-love and compassion and your own internal source of safety and love, which then allows your system to kind of like stop being so clenched up, worried, needing this thing outside of you, because you can provide for yourself the same love, the compassion, the warmth, the acceptance that you currently think, some part of your brain currently thinks can only be accessed from outside of you. But I promise you, you can access that from within yourself. It just takes practice and it takes sitting with your mind and it takes the intention of wanting to grow a relationship with yourself. I hope some of that makes sense because like this is really what I'm actively trying to move through right now, like reflecting on the areas where I'm like, why am I so uncomfortable if someone judges me for thinking this way or doing this thing or having this, whatever? Like, why am I so uncomfortable about that? What makes me so scared of it? Like, is there an experience I had? Is there whatever? Like, but again, the the triggers, the the blocks that we notice, they are gifts because they are areas where you are being shown, hey, you just will have room to grow here. There's something here that can be healed or needs some more attention. And there's always reward in finding those areas. But if you don't find the areas within yourself that, you know, could use some, I don't want to say repairing or fixing as if like we are broken, but the areas of us that could use more love, if we don't even like understand that there are parts of ourselves that are lacking that, then how are we ever going to have the capacity to be able to change that to then experience more love, happiness, abundance, alignment, all the good things? You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of the situation where sometimes like shit just needs to go down or like things need to be less than ideal in order for you to actually get a better outcome than you could have had if everything was just like pretty neutral and smooth. And that's just the seasons of life. That's just the seasons of life. I feel like I have a freaking lisp when I'm talking today, and I don't know why. I think my mouth is really dry right now. So if I sounded weird saying anything with a T H or an S today, like please do not bully me because I will block you respectfully. But this really is just human nature, guys. This is this is the truth of life. And we didn't come here to experience a boring, mundane, watered down, stinky, nasty version of life where we just accept the bare minimum and allow ourselves to be miserable our whole lives and only react to our triggers. We came here to integrate and understand the parts of ourselves that need more love and understanding, and more deeply understand our own psyche so that we can achieve this level of freedom and a sense of personal comfort in sitting with your own thoughts, which then will give you the insights and understanding to more deeply connect to your own self and therefore internally source your sense of safety and love and connection, which then will ripple out into the world and leave you with this sense of not protection or shield, but like this sense of empowerment that you are just standing in your own truth, you are who you are, you say what you want to say, and you don't need anyone else to approve of that in order for you to feel like it's good enough. That to me is true freedom. And with that, you guys, I'm going to end this episode because I have had quite a week. I've been sleep deprived, I swear to god, for all of March. And I told myself I'm getting ready for bed at 7.30 tonight, and I swear to God, I'm gonna do it because I need to wake up super early tomorrow for work, and I'm nope, I'm not having another night of like less than six and a half hours of sleep. I can't do it. It's been like seven of the past ten nights, and I'm just like, I absolutely cannot. So, wherever you are, wherever you're listening, whatever time of day it is, I hope you have an absolutely incredible rest of your day. Um, subscribe to the podcast on YouTube if you're listening on YouTube, and follow it on Spotify if you haven't already. Apple, I can't really help you. I think you can leave a review on Apple, like more proper than Spotify, and Spotify you can just do the stars. But we're entering a new era here at the organic HQ. I would like for you to know. And I've said that probably 15 times over the past eight months. I don't know. It's been a long time that I've had been continually saying, like, new era, new era, new era, because literally I have been evolving into like seven different I feel like I have just been constantly evolving, like I'm walking up a fucking flight of stairs every two seconds. Like the energy has been intense in my life and it's all been internal shifts, so it's like not so outwardly facing. I mean, some things, yeah, I've been like big shifts, but otherwise, like not not everything is, and I feel I feel like it's just like so many not rebrands, but just like levels of clarity, like deeper levels of clarity. And working through the exact Oh, I just kicked the cord, sorry if that made a weird noise. Working through the exact thing I'm talking about in this episode, the fear of being misunderstood is something that is like is like really a deep part of this next chapter that I'm diving into. And I feel like once I soften that a little bit, once I crack the code there a little bit more, like a little bit more deeply, like things are really gonna start rowing, like the the flood is gonna come in, like the dam is gonna break, and like things are just really gonna start shifting around here. So, all that to say, the show will be growing. We will be growing, we will be expanding, we will be rising anew. Um, if you are someone listening to this who in fact does send podcast pitches, please stop spamming me. Please stop spamming me. Um, and I think that's all I have to say. So, with that, I hope you guys have a fantastic rest of your day. Go be your most organic selves. Follow me on Instagram if you don't. Organic Reagan. It should be in the show notes. Follow me on Instagram and let me know what you think of the the podcast, this episode. Let me know if it resonated if you're going through this right now. Um, and I will see you in. Oh go be your most organic selves and I will see you in the next one.