33: Creating Your Dream Life By Learning to Hear & Trust Your Intuition

In today's episode, I pull on my personal experiences that shaped my understanding of the main topics of discussion:

🌱 Building an appreciation for the lessons you’ve endured, even through rough times

🌱 Acknowledging how much you have grown by taking time for reflection

🌱 Where being disconnected from yourself & your inner knowing comes from

🌱 What intuition really is and why it will always lead you to a better place than where you are currently

🌱 How to shape your life based on what standards you’re willing to tolerate

🌱 The struggle of being a postgrad entering adulthood

🌱 The purpose that challenging seasons of life serve & why we’re often grateful they happened

🌱 The power of deciding you are only available for a life of joy, peace, & fulfillment, & trusting your internal guidance system to lead you there

& more!

Hope you enjoy! love y'all 🤍🌱

Join the postgrad Oreaganic community:

Instagram: @organicreagan https://www.instagram.com/organicreagan/ 

YouTube: @Oreaganic (https://youtube.com/@oreaganic?si=-G95qvftDopdbCWv)

Xoxo, Reagan🤍🌱

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello my friends. Welcome back to the organic podcast. I'm your host, Reagan, and today's episode is gonna be a bit more of like a personal share episode and kind of just like a reflection. But I mainly want to touch on the fact that like it you you really gotta take a second sometimes and just reflect on how far you have come. Like every single person needs to do this. Like think of how your life looked, like who you were internally, externally one year ago, and tell me if you would switch places with that person. Because I'd like to think the answer is probably no. Because as much as we go through so many different seasons of life, so many times of the good, the bad, the struggles, the joy, like every single variation of emotion, every single season serves a purpose. And we learn so much. But when we get so caught up in like this hustle and this constant like grinding and looking to the next thing and never really being fully present and or appreciative of just everything that's already happened around us, or even just like reflecting on how far we've come, we miss out on so much, so much more depth to the experience of our lives and just who we are as people. And I think it's a a really important thing to actually just take a second and you know, take some time for yourself, realize like, holy shit, taking a step back, like maybe you're not exactly where you want to be right now, maybe you have really big goals and you're not there yet, or you even just don't feel like you really know what your life wants to look like. I still promise you, whatever season of life you may be in, like you have come so far, you have evolved so much as a person, and you are going to continue to evolve. And every season that life has to offer you, whether it's one that's a struggle or whether it's one that is like one of the best of your lives, like they all serve a purpose and to fully immerse yourself in the experience of like being a human being and living a beautiful life, like it requires us to appreciate all ends of the spectrum and to also just acknowledge the present moment and acknowledge how far you have come, and just like it it gives you this sense of grounding, especially when maybe things feel like they're kind of all over the place. And I just want this to be a beautiful reflection back to you of like I promise you, you are have come so much further than you give yourself credit for, and to take a step back and realize that is like genuinely so important to not only show appreciation for yourself, but to also like have a greater understanding of just how powerful it is to be going where you wish to go. So let's get into the episode. Welcome to the Organic Podcast. I'm your host, Reagan, mechanical engineer, lifelong athlete, and recovered overachiever, here to empower you to pursue your highest potential and live freely as your happiest, most organic self. Every week we'll dive into topics ranging from personal growth, mindset, hack, psychology, and a blend of science and spirituality to give you all the tools you need to stop living on autopilot and start creating a life of freedom, meaning, and fulfillment in your most organic self. If you're ready to become ready to become all right, everybody, picture picture this timeline. It is March of 2024, two years ago. Little Reagan, little old Reagan, was a senior in college, and I am feeling this pull to spend literally five grand to go to this like in-person three-day event that's kind of centered around like trauma healing, somatic, working with like releasing tension emotions, like store trauma from the body, like things that are all very legitimate. And I think to to a lot of people, you're gonna hear like trauma release, somatic therapy, and be like, okay, what the fuck is that? Like, are you crazy? Like, what are you even doing? That that sounds so stupid and so dumb. And it's just so funny to think back on when I felt the pull towards this experience because I I was someone who was like just starting out to like like coming out of the rhythms and patterns that were kind of handed to me, redirecting myself away from this constant doing, this constant go, go, go, this constant like giving myself to everyone else around me, and always being everyone's mom and being the leader and bearing it so people don't have to, and like being the the sacrifice, doing what people what no one else wants to do, yada yada yada. Like, I very much had a part of me that was like, I must serve everyone else and be good at literally everything in order to have any sense of value or worth in this world. And coming out of that, that kind of mindset, I came across like more of the space around, like, you know, just mindset work, understanding your brain, subconscious reprogramming, like understanding how emotions and trauma and childhood experiences get stored in the body, and how this is like an experience for literally every single human being. Like, this isn't just some woo-woo crazy bullshit thing. Like, it's genuinely true that like every single human being going through life has experiences where trauma, so to say, any event where you had like an emotional response that couldn't be fully completed, like any it could be the smallest little thing, it could be a massive event. Like, literally, trauma can just be any event in which like you did not feel safe, whether that was safe to be yourself, whether it was safe to be seen, someone made fun of you, someone made a comment, or it was far beyond that. You know, you can probably think of scenarios that are like associated with the word trauma, like like bigger kind of situations, like a horrible accident or something terrible like that. There's a wide scale of these human experiences that that every single person has. Like you listening to this right now, you have it, I have it, everyone has it, even people who do the healing work and and the whatever and blah blah blah blah, the things that seem really woo, like everyone has these kinds of experiences. Like somatic healing, somatic work is nothing nothing new. But to me, as a wee little college student who obviously I was in school, I was not like working a full-time job, really seriously considering going to a fucking$5,000 in-person event. I was like, what the fuck am I on? Like, literally, what the fuck am I on? Why am I being pulled to this thing? Like, why do I feel like such an intuitive nudge towards this thing? Especially as someone who was still learning like what it even felt like to be connected to myself, connected to my intuition, like actually hearing the voice of my own internal wisdom for the first time, like in my life, pretty much, or like at least listening to it. And it was just such it was like the the breaking in moment to I don't want to call it like this personal development journey, because I feel like that sounds so cliche and also kind of just undermines the fact that it's just like part of growth and evolution as like a human being in my life. Like everyone is always growing and evolving, and I guess the best way to describe this like personal personal development experience, whatever, or getting into this world is just the fact that like my awareness started to shift and expand. And I became far more aware of like patterns, habits, mindsets, routines, whatever that were all holding me back and keeping me disconnected from feeling truly connected to myself, like like deeply in tune with like the the person I want to be, like who I really am and the the life that I want to be living, my purpose, everything. I had always always felt something was different about me. And I'm not saying that to be like I'm so special, something's different about me, because every single person on this planet, whether or not you believe it or not, like you serve such a powerful purpose. And a purpose does not have to look like this huge, big, ginormous thing where you're impacting like a bajillion people and it's doing like whatever. Like everyone has a very unique purpose that is no more important than anyone else's. And all that to preface the fact that, like, when I say I always felt different, it's not to say that I feel like I am superior to anyone or that I'm like whatever. It is just to validate the fact that like there has always been this knowing inside of me where it's like there's something bigger that's coming, like there's something bigger that's coming, there's something bigger I'm meant to build and bring to life in this world, and I don't know what the fuck that looks like, I don't know what it is, but it's like I've always just held this awareness, right? So, with this baseline awareness, always living inside of me, coming into this season of my life, you know, spring like two years ago, where I was like actually considering going to this event, which sounded so fucking crazy to literally anyone in my life who I mentioned it to, like, I sounded like an absolute fucking lunatic. And if you think I'm crazy for that, like please, free will, go ahead. Because I also felt insane when I was like, why am I considering doing this? And I bring up my purpose and the fact that I feel deeply connected to something that is like far greater, like a massive impact, far beyond like what I can really understand or like how I really know if it's gonna look what it's gonna look like now, is the fact that like this event, this knowing, this like intuitive nudge to like want to clear out these blockages and like clear out these layers of myself and the the versions of myself that like no longer served me moving into my future, it was all connected to like this inner knowing of like this is stuff that's holding you back from like actually truly pursuing like your purpose, from being fully like 100% yourself or being authentic, from like having all of these things that I knew I wanted, and I knew that like I just like everyone else am deserving of. Like every single person deserves to feel like they are free to be themselves, like freely, completely, authentically, 100% their most organic self. That's the whole brand behind like the podcast. That's the whole everything, everything ties back into like this theme of authenticity because we are born a like natural our natural state, like what we come into the world as is like this pure expression of ourselves, and obviously we learn through life, through experiences, through lessons, through whatever that all of these experiences shape how we see ourselves, how we see the world, what we deem as safe based on our perception, mostly as children, but also continuously throughout your life. And it's not it it's becomes very like a restricted view. It's like it's like the most authentic version of yourself gets buried under so many layers of just like other people's projections, other people's beliefs, like society's beliefs, expectations, whatever. Like a lot of external noise just like creates these layers that kind of just bury like your true most authentic self. And I also feel like authentic self is a buzzword, but just bear with me here. Let's keep going. And when you bury yourself so so deep, like you are not, you have such limited access to like the the best form of life that is available to you in ideal circumstances because when you are being 100% yourself, when you don't have like these themes that don't these these like themes, these thoughts, these mental patterns, habits, whatever, that don't serve you, when you get rid of those, it's like there's nothing really blocking you anymore from living your most ideal form of life for for lack of a better word. Because like when you're living as yourself, you know what you want. You're not influenced as much by by other people's opinions, like you're connected to your interior your wow, your intuition, your intuition, your inner sense of knowing of like what you want to pursue, like what you really desire, like what things you want to experience in life and bring to life, and like the ways that you want to serve, like, and and give back to the the people, the the people of earth. Not that sounds so dumb, but seriously, when you are most authentically aligned to like your your purpose, whether that may that whether that's something that's public-facing or not, or like something you actively realize, or it's just something that like you don't even necessarily like consciously notice, you make the world a better place. You impact the people around you positively. You you living a better life based on like the the desires that have been put on your heart makes other people live a better life as well. Like the the energy that you emanate after kind of like locking into that version of your life radiates out to like everyone around you, and obviously that is then like a domino effect to far beyond probably the scope of what our imagination can can picture. So to loop it back to this five five thousand dollar event. Um like I just I knew that it it was something where it was like you don't you don't feel intuitive nudges for no reason, like you really don't. And everyone has access to intuition, it's just similar to your most authentic version of yourself where it can get buried, it can get buried very deep over many years under layers of like a lack of self-trust, a lack of understanding of of what your intuition really sounds like. But intuition, I guess my best way to explain it is the sense of just a gut feeling, an internal knowing, something that cannot be explained by like the logical, like, well, how do you know? Because the answer is like you just know. You just know, and I had that that feeling, that sensation of like I it it just it's like this the thought of going to this and like considering it just kept looping in my head over and over and over, and I was like, there is something there's more to this than it just being like whatever, like this is obviously something that is very out there from even my perspective, but I feel safe going, like I trust to this. This is someone who's like knows what they're doing in this industry. This isn't the first time that they're running this program or whatever, blah blah blah. Like, I I know what I'm doing, I trust myself, and like this is like the first example that I had the biggest challenge where it was like, okay, do I really trust myself and make this decision when I feel like everyone close to me in my life, and even the people who don't know me, if they ever hear that I went to this event, they're gonna be like, What the fuck are you doing? Like, literally, what are you doing? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's such a fucking waste of money. Like, you're getting scammed. Is this even real? Like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, you know what I mean. I'm I'm sure there's a multitude of people who are not me who have plenty of opinions about that. But it was like I I reflect on it and I'm so glad that I did it because it was the first experience that I was like, man, I'm trusting myself and I'm just gonna fucking do it. Like, I'm just gonna fucking do it. I don't know why. I don't know, like, not I don't know why, but I don't know why I'm being called to this so like drastic not drastically, but kind of so drastically almost, but it feels very, very deeply connect connected to this. I keep stuttering, guys, what the hell? But it feels very deeply connected to the purpose, this thing inside of me that I've always felt and known before I even had the words to describe it, and I just feel like this is like the right thing for me right now, so I'm just gonna do it. And the first lesson that I can give to you as a listener from this experience is the fact that like you always know what is best for you. Like when when it's coming from a pure place, when it's coming from your intuition, when it's coming from your heart, like that sense of intuition and and the purity behind that, like that is divine. That is divinely inspired guidance, like given to you by God Himself, from my perspective. Like, that is a divine essence within you that is like telling you, nudging you in a direction like for your highest good. It's not coming out of nowhere, it's inherent to you, and it is safe to trust it, like it's safe to trust your intuition. And it's so funny how how disconnected we've gotten from that. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we live in a society where so many people are so disconnected from themselves and and can't hear it because I really do think it is such a powerful thing to be to be so deeply connected to yourself that you can actually hear that internal voice. Because when you hear your internal voice and you can trust yourself, you don't do all of this outsourcing of your power, of your decisions, of oh my gosh, how are other people gonna perceive me? Like you just trust yourself, you make a decision, and you move. And when you when you operate like that, you're also a lot harder to control by external systems that want to keep you reliant on them because it serves them in some way, shape, or form. And I'm not gonna go too deep into it, but I'm speaking to just general systems that benefit from keeping our attention, our our minds, our energy, whatever, fixed on something outside of us for the sake of gain, whether it's gain of power or gain of influence, and like using our attention to to sell to us or to keep us thinking a certain way, and to to kind of like shape the mold of how like the collective views our society and then like create that real whatever. There's that's a whole different topic. But when you're connected to your intuition, like it is inherently a very powerful thing, and it is also a very pure, divine, loving, like God-given feature of every single human being. So, with this event and trusting my intuition to go, like I just reflect on on the version of me two years ago making that decision and how I was at that time. Like, guys, I I was waking up every morning, I would not cook breakfast in my apartment, absolutely not. We had to immediately go to where I would do homework every day. Like, immediately before classes or anything. I had to get the fuck out of my apartment because as soon as I woke up, it felt like I was already behind and I already had more to do and I needed to. I was always like, always in a rush mode. Oh my god. Like just the thought of it now makes me like exhausted, but always in a rush mode. So I would wake up, I'd get ready, I would go to my go-to study spot, I would get a bacon, egg, and cheese, I would get a Duncan refresher which has like 21 grams of sugar in a medium. It's like actually ungodly. And I would sit and I would do my engineering homework, and sometimes I would see my friends there and whatnot, but like I would I would sit there, I would grind, I'd go to classes, I'd have a day. It would be usually, you know what, I I really did enjoy college and I I enjoyed my time, but it was very busy. Like I would have all engineering classes, I would go to club soccer practice, I would like get back, I'd shower, I'd talk to my roommates, whatever. Like it was it was pretty, pretty packed days, you know what I mean? And even thinking back to two to two years ago during my spring semester of senior year, I only had five classes that semester. And I say only because the two semesters before that, I had six classes because your girl went at an astrophysics minor last minute. Honestly, don't regret it, but like, holy fuck, what a what a sacrifice that was for me to give like all of my life force to oh my god, six classes, all engineering and astrophysics, and being club soccer president and captain. Like, oh my god, dude, it was actually so much. It was so much, and it's so insane to think back on that version of myself. But that's the whole point of why I'm talking about this is like that was only two years ago. And when you think about the greater scope of your life, when when people talk about like future planning, usually it's like, where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you see yourself in ten years? Like, it's always on these larger scales, but we I feel like we don't give enough credit to how much you actually grow, even in just a year, two years, three years. And there are certainly seasons of life where you go through way more expansion in way, a way shorter amount of time than like other other seasons of life. That's just normal. But me, especially the past two years, I feel like I have been in like a freaking accelerated pressure cooker to go through like so so many layers of internal transformation and growth and depth and everything, and I'm just like, holy fuck, can we like can we fucking chill for a second? Like, oh my god. But anyways, this event that I did end up going to was the first example of me where I actually trusted my intuition when it felt like everyone else outside of me was not going to get it, and I was okay with that. I was okay with that enough to the where to the point where I made the decision to go. I wasn't going to go telling everyone about it. I was like terrified to even mention to anyone that I dared to do such a thing because it felt so blasphemous and I was so worried about how other people would perceive me, and I was just like, what the fuck am I doing? Like I'm so dumb, like am I fucking stupid? Am I just like an irrepo irresponsible piece of shit? Like, what the fuck? Fuck is wrong with me? Am I even gonna get anything out of blah blah blah blah blah? Spiraling. Spiraling. But nonetheless, within not even two months of me deciding to make this big move for myself, like kind of making the declaration to myself and just like life that like I was not going to settle just for like this baseline of what I've been given, and I was not going to settle for just like the ways of thinking that I've just been been programmed and you know beat into myself as normal over the years. Like I was basically declaring like something's going to change, and I'm ready for it to change, and I'm ready to go more in the direction of like this bigger purpose, this bigger thing that I've always felt attached to within me. Within literally not even two months of that, I won a random$500 gift card. I also met my fucking boyfriend on Tinder, on fucking Tinder, like two weeks before graduation. My boyfriend and I, same major, same school, four years, literally had like three or four like different random overlapping friend groups. Like there were so many little invisible strings, as people like to call it, between us, that like obviously we didn't we didn't meet until when we did, like the two weeks before graduation, which is crazy buzzer beater. But anyways, it it just felt like all of these things were happening in my life that kind of felt like miracles, but not at the same time. And I it I really do feel like it was connected to the fact that like I leaned into trusting that. I leaned into like deciding on myself, deciding on on my intuition, and kind of just like like putting skin in the game when it comes to like what I'm available for in my life anymore. And I I really do feel that those things that happen are are deeply connected to it, and I'm like so I'm just so grateful and proud of myself for being so fucking delusional two years ago to do that because I really don't know where I'd be if I didn't right now. And I know that sounds crazy because it's like, well, what do you mean you don't know where you would be if you didn't go to this event, so you needed to go to someone else in order to figure yourself out? Like, that's not what I'm saying. I really do believe that like where your intuition kind of leads you and these these decisions and these nudges that you have, they're not random. And I'm not saying that this event like completely shifted my whole life and whatever. It's just like it's just the first, like, a really big major piece in the puzzle that kind of got things going and shifting for me that then led to every single subsequent little piece of the puzzle that like all built this kind of evidence to be able to like trust myself more and like change my life and and kind of just like shape more of my experience based on like the control that I have over like my mindset and my life and what I'm willing to tolerate and just all of those things. And if you're someone who has not experienced somatic therapy before like any kind of somatic releases, let me just say it's fucking real. Like, I feel like it's it's I mean, there's there's so much evidence for it, but it is very much fucking real because I ended up going to that event. I was scared fucking shitless because again, I was like, what the fuck am I doing with my like what am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? Like, why am I doing this? I sound insane, but at the same time, I was like, for I I just I need to go to this. I want to go to this, like this, this is feels right, this feels like what I am being like pulled to do, you know, like with my full control, with my full consent. It wasn't like I was like, oh my god, like I'm just being directed divinely, so I don't have any choice in it. Like, no, I got the nudge and I consciously chose, like, okay, I'm gonna do this. And the event was like 1000%, like about probably 500 miles outside of my comfort zone. But in terms of like the the somatic aspect of it and like the release and everything, my my back was literally sore from doing breath work, guys. Like a very like not just like normal breath work, but like my back was sore, like random ass muscles were sore that I did no work, like there were no workouts that were done. There was nothing, like literally just from releasing like the store tension and emotion in my body, like I had sore muscles. That's fucking it, like that's fucking insane. That is fucking insane. You know how I mentioned before how the past version of me was very much like sacrifice for everyone else, like always doing the things that no one else wants to do and bearing the burdens because that's what a good leader does, and blah blah blah. Like, I don't think it's a coincidence that my back is like what I felt the release in. Not to go into this too much, but anyways, because like I feel like that's it's connected to like you know, carrying so much on your back, like literally carrying other people on your back. Like, I don't know, crazy, but that event served its purpose. I think that I a part of me that like that part of me that just gave so much to other people because I thought I like had to to be like a good leader. I really think that part of me like died at that event, like for lack of a better word. Um so yeah, I mean, all part of the pieces of the puzzle that kind of led me to this this deeper sense, this deeper like declaration of commitment to like okay, I'm ready for you know this like bigger thing that I always felt connected to, like I said before. This all loops back to reflecting on how far I've come and just just a general life reflection because it's like this is actually insane how like all of these things are connected because I went to this event, I really do feel like it it solidified this next level version of like trusting myself and being committed to my purpose and whatever you want to call it. Where after graduating college, I planned to I just planned to do an internship and then I was gonna go to grad school for the same degree as my undergrad, even though I wasn't like super passionate about it. And I like I had a research thing lined up and it kind of fell in my lap, but I wasn't like I wasn't like actively really pursuing like a heavy research opportunity or anything. It was kind of just like, yeah, it's just what I'll do. So I had an internship in my major, and this I've said it so many times, this has absolutely nothing to do with where I worked or the people that I worked with, like absolutely nothing to do with it, but it was a cubicle farm. I didn't have like an insane amount of like it was just an unfortunate circumstance in terms of like work availability and just like the things it was just like a rough situation where I basically just had to sit inside every day for eight hours and never see the sun and like it just I I felt so constrained, my soul felt so sucked by that format of work, and I like it was it was just so abundantly obvious to me by especially especially the end of the summer, but like I I knew pretty early on that I was like I'm I cannot do this, I'm not gonna do this, I cannot follow this path that has been laid out for me that I feel like is the quote unquote right path to follow. Like, I cannot do this, I cannot do this for my entire life. I can't do it. And everyone else in my major probably works similar jobs where it's like normal office work, and yeah, I think a lot of people are fine with that. I'm not shitting on office work at all because what works for other people, like what works for you is what works for you. And I'm just someone who has always known I have I've always been someone who is like I'm not just gonna fucking sit still for like I I can't, I can't just sit, I can't be asked to just sit in the same place and like I I can't do I literally like I wish I could I could emulate this feeling of like the constriction that I feel in every single cell of my body when I think about it, like oh my god, I'm literally gonna throw up. I'm literally gonna throw up. Like it just suffice to say, it just does not work for me. But if I followed this this path of like what I think my parents want me to do, or what I think society wants me to do, or what like my you know former classmates are doing right now, like it would be to just have the internship, go to grad school, like pick the secure, stable path, blah blah blah, whatever. But by the end of that summer, I was like, I am I'm not fucking doing this, I'm not doing this, and I really do feel like going to that event and like kind of just every everything associated with just like the the energy behind that decision, that declaration, and just like everything that came from it gave me more of a backing to be able to lean into self-trust and knowing like what no trusting myself to make the right decision for me, basically. And that led me to saying, I'm deferring grad school, I'm I need six weeks off of work at least between like the end of the summer internship and like me potentially becoming like a part-time intern or like working basically as an intern until when I deferred grad school till next year, blah blah blah. And I was like, I yeah, this is this is what I'm doing. Like, I'm not, I cannot, I cannot just do the normal path. I cannot, I can't do this, especially because I also applied to grad school for a slightly different major because it's in a career field that I actually wanted to be working in. This still feels so crazy. I I just had a moment where I'm like, this is actually crazy that this is my life because I I really always wanted to work in the field that I'm in right now, and it's just like insane how I got here. But, anyways, hopefully this is hopefully my story is giving you guys something because I'm not just trying to ramble about myself, but I just really want to give you like my experience beyond like behind like trusting yourself, leaning into it, and actually reflecting on like the lessons that you've learned in even periods of like a year or two years. Just anyways. Anywho, I so I I applied to a grad program that was different than the one I originally planned on doing, but I couldn't get into it until next year, so I just deferred anyways and it was fine. Um, so I ended up taking six weeks off of work and I was debating, like, you know, figuring something out with my internship and whatever, blah blah blah, but like they also weren't they didn't have a clear answer of if they could kind of like make that in-between internship kind of work and whatever. So the circumstances kind of worked out where I was like, alright, I'm making another big decision, another big move to say, like, I am not going to go, like, this is you know, as respectfully professionally as possible, like this basically isn't gonna work out, and I'm like, you know, going to pursue other options in a completely different field, not completely unrelated given my technical background, but like not the field that I went to school for, not directly. Oh my god, do you know how scary that feels? Like, do you know how scary that feels to be someone going through your post-grad despair period as I have coined it, and just like just be like, yeah, full sun. I'm just gonna completely pivot what my original safe little happy plan was that like everyone else expects me to do. Like, yeah, I don't know about that. I'm just gonna like, I'm gonna completely change it. Again, another opportunity where so many people probably could have judged me, so many people probably did judge me, or like thought differently of me, or questioned me, or whatever, blah blah blah blah, you're unemployed, you're blue, like so much shit. And yet I still chose to trust myself. I still knew, like, you know what? There's more out there beyond what I'm experiencing right now, and I will not accept that this is like I this is not a standard that I'm willing to accept for myself and my life, and like I have such a feeling in my stomach right now, dude. That that kind of decision, that kind of self-trust and confidence and knowing, like the inner knowing, is something that that doesn't just like spawn in overnight if you're someone who's lived kind of disconnected from yourself for a while, like it takes time and effort to build, but if there's even like a small part of you who for a circumstance, maybe like your life doesn't even have to be like something where it's like, oh, I hate my job or I hate this or I hate whatever. Like, if you feel in your body, like you you will know if you're resonating with what I'm saying right now, if you feel that any part of you is like kind of settling for something when you know you are like deserving of more or deserving of something that's a better fit for you, bitch, you need to fucking trust that. You need to listen to me right now and trust that because I promise you, I promise you, as scary as it feels, as wild and ridiculous as you feel, making a decision that seems quote unquote crazy to people outside of you, there is something better beyond the fear that is keeping you from making that decision to like change, to shift, to to say, like, this isn't what I'm willing to accept anymore. Because let me just tell you, when I made that decision to like pivot career fields to the one that I like always wanted to work in, that was way more aligned with like my my work style and the opportunities available to me. Guys, like I genuinely fucking insane how much changed. Like, it's insane how much changed because of this. Because in the six weeks turned into 12 weeks, it turned into three months of being off of work after the end of my internship in 2024. And this is when I I was in the midst of going through my like postgrad experience where you you basically just get shoved out of college and they say, Great, fuck off, don't care about you anymore at all. We don't care that you don't have freedom of your schedule anymore. You probably don't really see your friends much at all, or they've moved across the country, or you barely ever talk to them, or you don't get to like you know hang out with them on a daily basis. Um, you're no longer living surrounded by people who are all your age. You no longer have like a team to go to practices and games with, like I did with club soccer. Like, you no longer have the extracurriculars that you love. And by the way, now you have a million more responsibilities, things to figure out, adulthood pressures, taxes. Fucking taxes can fuck off. Oh my god. But you have taxes, you have real life shit, all of this stuff is coming into your life where it's like, oh fuck, now I have to be a real adult. Never mind the fact that I'm grieving the experience that I no longer get to have, that like everyone's just casually like, yep, this is just normal that you just go right into adulthood and it's just like I'll just not even batting an eyelash. Like, I was in the middle of that experience, and again, connecting back to you know, my purpose, my it's this thing within me that I always felt connected to, whatever. Like, I had always wanted to make like a YouTube video or talk about this online or just talk about talk online in some capacity. And I, if there's one thing I had during these three months off, it was time. Like, it was time. So the circumstances were serendipitous for me to be able to like put resources into starting a YouTube channel and posting on fucking Snapchat stories, public Snapchat stories. That is where my social media journey began. Like, wow, what a Cinderella story. And I I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Like, obviously, I still think my very first video on my YouTube channel fucking slays. Like, it kind of slays. It's called Postgrad Despair, and I just talked about everything I was going through, and like people resonated, people understood, like people got the message what I was saying, and they were like, holy fuck, like I feel this too. And I just felt so compelled to like keep posting and keep sharing and keep trusting, and just like as I went on and I kept growing and learning and like getting more experience and more reps with even posts that I probably look back on now, and I'm like, I wouldn't I would not be posting videos like that currently, but like I'm glad that I went through the experience I did and I posted everything that I did on on TikTok, on YouTube, on whatever, because every single thing gave me more experience and brought me closer to where I wanted to be, to where I was being led based on trusting this like inner guidance and knowing that I always felt and carried. Oh man, it's actually insane. Like it's actually insane. This is all tied to like everything, guys. It's insane. Um, so starting that channel, like, and think about it, think about the the the power of the decisions that shaped this. Like, again, the initial spark of like going to the event, trusting myself, leading to a stronger foundation of self-trust, and knowing that my intuition is correct and like will always lead me to like a better place than where I was before, and more good things come into your life, and you trust it. Like, that gave me the confidence and the self-trust to be able to completely pivot my original plan after grad school as someone who has always lived needing to be like successful need by everyone else's standards and like get other people's approval. Like, I completely pivoted from that. I completely pivoted fucking career fields, and then I finally started talking and sharing my voice in a way that I always felt like part of me always wanted to. Like, do you see how this is all connected? And how like all of these small experiences of like me being led in this way and like the puzzle pieces coming together, like it's it's all connected, it's all connected, and it's just it's so fucking crazy to think about, like, it's genuinely so insane. Because that YouTube channel, the the fucking Snapchat stories and the the TikToks and whatever turned into more posting, like consistently posting, no matter whether or not it was perfect or whatever or got views, like I don't give a fuck. I have posted consistently on some platform, like there it hasn't all been like I've posted consistently on Instagram for two years, or like Snapdragon for two years, or YouTube for two years, but I have like consistently posted since fall of 2024 on some platform and stayed like consistent with it for this whole time since then. All of that experience, all of those reps, all of those like I don't know, trials and me trying to just understand what I wanted to talk about and leaning into it more, whatever, like that built the foundation that then created this podcast that created like me posting on like my normal Instagram and like being seen in ways that I have not been seen before, and like expanding beyond more of the more beyond this comfort zone, and just like completely changing both my external state, but also inherently my internal state, because as I made all of these big changes and I went through these experiences and learning and like all of these opportunities and whatnot, I'm you are no matter what going to change when you go through these experiences. Like internally, I evolved so much, and I'm still evolving as every single person is evolving, whether or not you're on this like crazy fucking journey or whatever, or you're just like a normal ass human being, just like I'm a normal ass human being. But you get what I'm saying? You don't have to be someone who like had all this crazy wild changes in your life to be someone who's evolving, and it's just like this is my point, like it's just crazy to think back on like the changes that you've experienced in even maybe even such a short time when you actually give yourself the space to just reflect on it and and realize like zoom out to the bigger picture of your life and understand that the the perspective of like there's so much more beyond just like what we day deem as like mundane or like these random things or these random occurrences, like no, everything in that is currently shaped the life that you have, like it is connected, and you do have way more control over your life than a lot of us give ourselves credit for because we're not really given a baseline of the like tools to be able to to understand that, to learn that, to to understand your brain, to be able to shape your life, to to change your habits, to change your subconscious mind, to even understand that like literally your brain, your experiences, like shape your outward reality. Do you know what I mean? Like, we're not we're not given a lot of these tools and resources. Never mind the fact that, like, especially when you are a post-gradman, you're going through like your early years of adulthood and even beyond, but especially the early years of adulthood, like we are dealing with so much. We are trying to figure out so much of our lives, of ourselves, and it can be so overwhelming to try to figure out all of that shit and feel like you have no idea where to even start. But again, bringing it back to like the main point of what influences you like the evolution, my experience and whatnot, like leaning into deeping deepening a connection to yourself and trusting yourself to guide you where you might not even know, like is where you're meant to be, but like where you're meant to be, I promise you, it's always going to bring you to a better place than where you are right now. And for me, like the way the story ended, obviously, which I mean not ended, but things turned out where yes, I didn't have a job for three months, but I found my absolute dream job. Like the job that I have is so beyond, like literally better than I ever could have possibly imagined. Like, I I am grateful every single day to have like literally one of the biggest blessings of my entire life. And where the fuck would I be right now? If I did not take the chance on myself and actually trust that, like maybe my intuition is leading me to a better place than where I want to be right now, if I didn't decide to not go to grad school, not go back to the internship and completely pivot my career field, where the fuck would I be right now? I'd probably be working a job that I was probably still miserable at just because it's what I thought other people like other people think that I should do this, so this is what I'm gonna do. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have an internal compass and guidance system within you. This is your intuition. This is God living through you, it is coming from a pure place, it is influenced by God, is divinely given to you by God, or whatever you may believe in, but it is divine, it is pure, and it comes from a place of love, and knowing further beyond like the realm of like your conscious human understanding what is the most ideal path for you, and like leaning into your heart and leaning into like the desires that are on your heart, and like the feeling like you just know when something is off, and you know when something's not meant for you, and when you start to trust that, when you start to make decisions based on that feeling rather than what you think everyone else wants you to do, I promise you, your life is going to get monumentally better. Like, monumentally better. Because in again, bringing it back to the reflection and everything with my experiences, like I am so glad that I went through periods of life where I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now, but I'm just gonna hope and trust that like this is for the better. That the decision that I'm making, the the influence of my intuition is leading me to a better place than I am right now. And every single time it has. And the more that you make these decisions, the more you kind of take a step back and connect the dots backwards, you see how deeply connected everything is and how much of an influence certain decisions in your life can have when they come from a place of like you are choosing yourself, you are choosing your own wisdom, you are choosing to trust yourself, and you know that you are only going to accept the standards that you set for yourself. And once you raise those standards and you actually realize, like, I'm only willing to tolerate a life that I actually feel joy in, that I feel peace and happiness and fulfillment from, I promise you, like you will find yourself drawn to experiences, people, places, things, whatever that will get you closer to that version of your life. And the way that you are going to be drawn to those things is by those little intuitive nudges and pings and feelings of gut knowing and just like being drawn to certain things or people that will get you closer to that result and be a piece of the puzzle that then leads you to creating a more beautiful life for yourself. Holy shit. This is a long ass episode, and I hope that you guys got something out of this beyond just me yapping about my my story. But if really, guys, like genuinely take, you know what, if you feel if you if you feel so called, take like 15 or 20 minutes, maybe even just 10 minutes, and just like put your phone in a separate room or fucking chuck it into the ocean. I don't fucking care. Just don't fucking look anywhere near your phone. And just just take a few deep breaths, just sit, sit with your mind for a little bit, like acknowledge your thoughts, you don't have to, you know, latch on to all of them, just let them flow and pass and as they will, and set the intention to think about like where was I one year ago? Like, how was I feeling a year ago? What was different? Like, how would I have reacted to things in my life right now, like if it was the version of me a year ago, like things like that, and even go beyond two years, five years, whatever, whatever, whatever works for you. But like, take the time to reflect on that and give yourself that space to do so. You will start to have so much more appreciation for like your past self, everything that has led you to where you are right now, and also probably hopefully, like give yourself more grace and kindness and love for everything that you have experienced that has gotten you exactly where you are today. Even if you are going through a hardship or a time where you feel like you fucking hit your life and what the fuck is going on, blah blah blah. Like, I have been there before where I have been like, what the fuck is my life? What am I doing? I don't want this anymore, I cannot do this anymore. I promise you that one of two things is true. Either you are being pushed into a point of pressure so that you can be squeezed out of a situation that does not serve you and will not will no longer serve you as long as you stay in it, such as like a job you don't like or whatever that may be. So that's option one. Or you are in a waiting period where something better is coming into your life, and you literally truly just need to trust that it's coming. And I know that is so fucking annoying to hear because when I was unemployed for three months, I didn't exactly love the advice of like, yeah, just wait, like, just trust it's coming. Like, shut the fuck up. When the fuck is it coming? Very, like, a very natural reaction to have that, but then you know what? When I least expected it, the absolute dream job that I mentioned before is is when it came into my life. So I've been through both kind of similar experiences, and I can I can attest through my experience that like the the shitty seasons of life always serve a greater purpose. And I even think about people who talk about like hardships they've been through. Like some of the worst times of their life has also been the most formative years of their life, and they are so happy that it happened. As much as it fucking sucked to go through at the time, they get through it and they look back and they say, I am so happy that that happened because I have no idea where I would be if it didn't. And that's honestly how I feel for a lot of what happened in 2024, continuing into 2025 in different ways, more internal, but like everything is connected. We all have a path in front of us that, like, if you lean on what like your God-given sense of intuition of like what you know is right for you and what you're willing to tolerate, I promise you, you have way more control over like the life that you have right now, whether you believe it or not, like that is what makes the difference. Because I promise you, you have the ability to to shape and control how your life looks based on what you are willing to tolerate from a place of of the highest like love for yourself and a desire to like fulfill your purpose and like experience the the best form of life available to you. Because, like I said before, when when you are living in purpose, when you are living like in full alignment with like who you truly are, what you really want to do, like you're you're living from like a kind of heart-led space, you make the world so much better. You living like that radiates such such an energy that like positively influences the people around you and like shows other people what is possible for them, which then of course leads them to do a similar thing, which then leads to more, but like it is such a massive ripple effect that is real and it's easy to forget if someone doesn't remind you. So just trust me when I say like connecting to yourself more deeply, trusting your intuition, and leaning into whatever desires you feel called to based on like the pure place from your heart, that will get you so much further in in life than any like self-help book or whatever other miscellaneous random like resource online. So I hope that this episode had something in it for you that you took away from it. I would love if you followed me on Instagram if you don't already, because we are building a community on there, particularly for postgrads. If you're someone who's going through that post-grad experience I mentioned before, where it's like, what the fuck is my life? What the fuck is adulthood? Like, literally, I have no idea what the fuck to do. Help. My my Instagram is catered for you. So follow me there at organicreagan. And as always, thank you so much for listening to this podcast because especially lately, I'm I'm feeling so grateful to just have this platform. Like right now, currently in this moment, like this is a 52-minute episode. I don't necessarily expect for this to get a lot of listens like close to this launch at all when it goes out to the public. And I'm okay with that because I don't I don't have these these conversations, I don't post these things for the sake of numbers or money or influence or whatever. Like I post it for the sake of impact, and I'm I'm just so grateful to be able to like have a space that holds my voice. Whether or not anyone listens to it, I don't fucking care. But it's out in the ether, it's out there forever, and I'm just extremely grateful. So if you are here listening to this, thank you so much. I love you guys. Go be your most organic selves, and I will see you in the next one.