34: You Don't Need to Struggle to Earn a Happy, Peaceful, Fulfilling Life

🌱 Opening yourself up to the idea that life CAN be easy

🌱 Why you might believe happiness can only come at a cost

🌱 How attachment to victimhood/struggle might be blocking you

🌱 Fostering trust in knowing you’re looked after by a higher power who wants what is best for you

🌱 Remembering the control we carry over shaping our lives

🌱 The discomfort of looking within to foster change & reshape our worldview

🌱 Why we don’t need to expect the other shoe to drop when things feel “too good”

& more!

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Xoxo, Reagan🤍🌱

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, my friends. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm your host, Reagan. If you are new here, today's episode is going to be all about how to actually let your life be easy. And I know that sounds ironic and I've talked about it before, but truly, so many of us don't even understand that we do not even have the capacity or the awareness to even hold the idea that life actually can be easy and things can just work out without us having to force and try and push. And like basically we don't have to suffer so much in order to get the good things that we want to experience in the world. Like a sense of peace or fulfillment or happiness. Like we in our most aligned states, you know, most connected to ourselves, most authentic, actually following and listening to our desires. We shouldn't and don't really have to force a lot. But as a culture, as a society, we've lost touch with this ability to actually flow and surrender and receive and just kind of trust that things are going to work out for you. Whether or not you kill yourself and force force everything to happen, like try to interfere with like the happenings of your life, like so excessively, to the point where there isn't even space for there to be things kind of working out for you or lining up without you having to try, blah blah blah. So today's episode is just going to be all about releasing this idea that you have to struggle in order for things to be easy. Like things can actually just be easy and they can come easy and you can enjoy them, and it does not have to be hard. So let's get into it. Welcome to the organic podcast. I'm your host, Reagan, mechanical engineer, lifelong athlete, and recovered overachiever, here to empower you to pursue your highest potential and live freely as your happiest, most organic self. Every week we'll dive into topics ranging from personal growth, mindset hacks, psychology, and a blend of science and spirituality to give you all the tools you need to stop living on autopilot and start creating a life of freedom, meaning, and fulfillment as your most organic self. If you're ready to become the best person, I've personally experienced this phenomenon where for a lot of my life I pushed and I worked and I forced myself to be productive and to achieve goals and do all the things that you would expect an overachieving, high-achieving student athlete would ever to do. And I don't regret that. And I don't think that it is a bad thing to work hard for the things that you want. Nor am I saying in this episode that I expect that people, you know what? You don't have to do anything, you don't have to lift a finger, things just magically work out for you if you just believe that it's gonna work out for you. Like, that's not what I am saying to a T. I encourage all of you to use your discernment when listening to me, to anyone else, to literally anyone or anything outside of you besides the truth of your own heart and your intuition. And with that, just take what resonates, leave what doesn't with discernment, both in this episode and any other episode that you listen to. Nonetheless, there have been plenty of years of my life that I have spent forcing, pushing, struggling, like working hard because I thought that was the only way for me to achieve things. And I've had this belief, this subconscious belief that like I have to suffer, I have to work hard. Things are not going to be worth it or good or whatever if I do not like work really, really hard for them to the point where I am almost burnt out, or like clearly that like there has to be some kind of exchange where it's like there's a cost for things working out, like there's a cost for life to be good, for things to be easy, for circumstances to naturally work out for me. There has to be a cost, there has to be a catch, there has to be something. And one of the greatest lessons that I have personally learned in the past two years is that this is not true. It is not absolute fact. Because to satisfy your logical mind, for any of you who might be logical like me, who enjoy hearing things from a very logical, fact-based perspective, we can look at the evidence and zoom out to the wider perspective of everyone who is existing on earth right now. Do you think that there are not there's no one who is actually living a life of peace, of prosperity, of abundance, of happiness, of whatever, who also is just getting to enjoy it without there being a consequence. Like there are people existing right now, breathing, as you and I are, who are enjoying a life that is of ease, fulfillment, peace, whatever. And if there's no catch, they just get to be happy. Like there are so many people who are living a very good life who just get to be happy. And I'm not talking about people who are rich. I'm talking about people who are wealthy in the form of more than just money, who have people around them that they love, who are fulfilled by the work that they do, who yes, have more resources available to them probably, but also people who just are happy with their lives. There are so many people existing who are allowed to just be happy and to have a good life and to have ease without there having to be this catch. There's no catch. And I understand that like everyone has their own hardships, everyone goes through their own thing at some point or another in their lives. But I personally have I don't I do know why. For for some reason, I was witness to a lot of like the classic TM TMZ show, not even TMZ, but like shows where you would hear about TLC maybe, I don't know, whatever. But shows where you would hear about you know pretty tragic instances, like people's stories, things that got people's attention because they were very emotionally drawing, like emotionally not traumatizing, but charged. Like stories of spouses like losing their loved ones after years of marriage, or like crime shows, just like horrible, terrible things to think about. And I really do think that it primed a part of my brain to think, oh my gosh, things can't just be good, because if they're good, that means that something bad's gonna happen. Because in all of these stories that I saw in these stupid fucking TV shows, which were real people's stories, I'm not saying the stories were dumb, but like this was an abnormal amount of stories being shown to me for cases that are actually not extremely common, if that makes sense. But it did kind of shape my worldview, like subliminally, without me even realizing where I held this belief that like if things are too good, if things are like too smooth, then like there's gotta be a catch. Something's gonna happen. I'm literally part of my brain, I'm so dadas with you. I'm part of my brain was like, I what it what if it happens that like like all of these people in these shows who had perfect relationships or perfect lives or whatever, like they had something tragic happen to them. So like maybe if I expect that something bad is going to happen, then I'm going to prevent myself from the pain of the potential loss that I might experience if I actually think that life could be as good as I might dare to imagine. Does that make sense? I hope you guys are tracking. But I don't know if anyone else can relate to that. I don't know if I'm just a one-off case here, but this fear of tragedy, of loss, and this sense that like life can't be too good, things can't be too good, they can't be too easy, like things can't just work out for you, there has to be a cost to it. I'm realizing more and more and more there I there is no basis to that, like there is no true logic to it, there is no evidence, and I see the proof in my day-to-day life. I in the past two years have had so many small things, small and large things, work out for me so seamlessly, I cannot make it up. I cannot make it up. And it in the past two years, what has changed the most compared to the however many years before that is the fact that I actually realized, wow, I don't have to struggle, force, hustle, whatever, in order to experience good things or to just have things work out for me. This happened with my job, this happened with my relationship, this happened with where I live right now. Like, there are there are many examples in my life where I did not have to work extremely hard or like suffer really in order to find something that was even better than I ever could have imagined it. Again, when I say that, I already have this apprehension in my head of like someone's gonna think that I'm saying you just don't do anything and things magically fall into place. What I'm trying to get at is that if you believe that truly tragedy could be around the corner at any time, and you always live in this state of fear, of this like background paranoia, of not really allowing yourself to like fully experience and trust life to provide you with the things that you know you desire, then you are inherently limiting yourself from experiencing the magic that is available to you should you trust in a higher plan, a greater power, and the fact that there is an influence on your life that comes from the purest place of love from God that wishes to see things work out for you as best as possible. There are forces that are unseen that come from a place of pure, unconditional love for you and for all the good in the world that want to see you succeed, that want to see you happy. And in our best case scenario, in our most aligned, happiest, most authentic states, we are happy, we are fulfilled, and we do not have to pay this major cost in order for that to happen. The only real cost that we have to pay to experience more of this state of like ease, flow, whatever you want to call it, is actually just understanding and like rewiring your brain to realize like, oh wow, that's actually possible for me. Because if you never open yourself up to the opportunity, like the even the thought that things could just be easier for you, then guess what? It's never gonna feel like things can just be easy or things can just happen, and you don't have to like always be working so super hard for it, or always like checking over your shoulder, making sure, oh my gosh, if I get this thing, am I gonna lose it? Like, that does not have to be your reality. And I had to be shown through examples in my life. Like, I truly do believe that seeing the evidence in my own life over and over and over again has helped me to solidify this new belief within me that wow, I don't actually have to work extremely hard or feel or feel fearful of like, oh my gosh, this is too good to be true. Because like someone is looking out for me. Like, I have people looking out for me, like there are bigger things beyond me looking out for me. God is looking out for me. Things have worked out better than I could have expected in so many different areas of my life, and only happened when I actually took the chance to open myself up to the possibility that, like, wow, maybe I can actually experience that too. And there is something to be said for the addiction to suffering because suffering gives us an identity, like the victim mindset is something that is like such a leech of the mind, such a leech of the mind, and I am certainly not superior to this. I have absolutely held a victim mindset before plenty of times in my life. Plenty of times, as with all other things, the first key to change is awareness, and I only became really aware of the habits of victim energy and whatever in my life when I actually started learning more about it. When I listened to the podcast, and I got into this whole whatever accelerated personal journey you want to call it, like probably two years ago at this point, when I started learning about victim mindset. And it loops back in with this idea of life kind of just being easy and things working out for you, and that being a possibility, because honestly, you could say at face value, like, yeah, I would love for things to just magically work out for me, and for you know, me to just get a dream job or get a dream place or find a dream relationship, just like without having to try super hard and just you know taking the the action steps to be available for it, but like not going insane and stressing myself out, whatever, like yeah, I would love that. Wouldn't we all just love if things could just be easy? But like, would you? Would you? I know that sounds ridiculous at face value, but if you sit with that question and you think, like, is there an identity that I have formed around this sense of victimhood? Around the sense of like I always have to be struggling, I always have to be doing something for others. Oh my god, I held on to that for so long. That was me. Like, I was everyone's mom. Ooh, I did not want to be, but anyways, God, oh my god, memories. Um, but anyways, like, are you holding on to an identity that is kind of centered around this contingency of like things have to be hard for me? Like, I have to struggle, I have to have hardship because without this hardship, who am I? Who am I if I am not everyone's mom? If I'm not the person that is leading, if I'm not the person who is doing everything for everyone all the time? Like, who am I outside of this identity that I have formed around this belief that I must suffer or endure this hardship in order to feel important, meaningful, valued, quote unquote like myself. Just think on on possible areas of your life where this might be showing up because victim mentality is it is it is rough. I'm not gonna lie, it's rough, and it's triggering as shit to hear about it for the first time, to like really learn about it and lean into it more. I remember, oh man, I remember so vividly. I it was like winter break, my senior year of college, again, like two years ago, when I started getting into all this stuff, I was listening to a podcast that was talking about people pleasing, I want to say, or like self-sabotaging habits, and I l I literally had to pause it. I was like, I am so deeply uncomfortable right now. I remember I was building a bonsai Lego, like the Lego bonsai tree in my freaking apartment, and I was like, I am so uncomfortable right now. Like I literally just felt this like this like sticky, disgusting, gross feeling in like my stomach, and it was just like, oh my god, I was so uncomfortable because I was actually realizing like oh my god, like I'm actually responsible for why I feel this way, why I'm like this, like the conditions I've allowed myself to just live in in terms of like you know, the mom and everything, or like the mom mindset to everyone, whatever. And I feel so uncomfortable because this does not feel good, like it does not feel good to turn the eye inward sometimes. Really does not. It is not a pleasant experience when there's a lot inside of you where you're like, holy shit, I actually don't want to deal with this. But that's why people call things like that shadow work, subconscious reprogramming, whatever. Like it's it's the work that not a lot of people wish to do because it's deeply uncomfortable. And I wouldn't even say that I went like, well, I was gonna say I didn't really put myself in an extremely uncomfortable situation when like working through the shadows of my psyche or anything. Like, it really has been a years-long transition away from allowing myself to be the victim to things and choosing to actually be in control of my circumstances and feel more empowered by that. It has taken literally the past two years of like cumulative, slow progress towards that, starting with the awareness. But again, I loop this back with the idea that things actually can work out for you probably a lot easier than you'd expect them to if you actually just open yourself up to it. Because when you hold a victim mindset, when it feels good to be a victim, like truthfully, like it can feel good to some part of your brain to be like, Whoa was me, my life fucking sucks, this isn't fair, like what the fuck? And want to take negative responsibility for whatever circumstance of your life you may be frustrated about. Like, it can feel good, it can feel relieving, but does it serve you in the long term? Do you want to live like that? And I'm not talking about a little rant session, I'm not talking about needing to process emotions or just be a human being because everyone needs a fucking bitch session. Like, sometimes you everyone needs to rant. Like, I'm not saying suppress your feelings and if things are feeling shitty and life is not feeling fair, to just be like, oh, everything's fine, like he like don't push down your emotions. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, can you notice yourself in circumstances where you actually do have control? You have more control than you're giving yourself credit for, and you are able to make changes to actually fit a better circumstance, a better outcome than what you were opening yourself up to just based off of what you believe is possible for you. Like it does that exist, is that present anywhere in your life? Because that sure as hell has been present in mine. Sure as hell has, and it probably still is in some places, but I I'm telling you right now, my life is has truly never this feels weird to say, it's truly never been better than it is right now with the amount of like with with just the understanding that like things don't have to be hard, there doesn't have to be a catch, there doesn't have to be like, you know, the other shoe is gonna drop, something bad's gonna happen, like I can't actually enjoy this, I have to hold on to like this suffering, this identity, this whatever. Like releasing so much of that over the past two years has opened up so much space for genuine miracles to fall into my life. You wanna hear a miracle, guys? I met my soulmate on Tinder. T-I-N-D-E-R. Tinder. Talked about this before, but if you're new here, I met my fucking soulmate on Tinder. Like, that's not real. Two weeks before graduation, after spending four years at the same school in the same major with like three overlapping friend groups, and yet we did not meet until two weeks before graduation on fucking Tinder, an app that neither of us ever really thought we'd ever use. And obviously, we're not like Tinder people, no, no shade, no hate, no shade, but like we're not the kind of standard Tinder user, if you know what I mean. Like, I'm not trying to just whatever. Anyways, example number one of like that is a low-key a fucking miracle. I'm sorry, like that is actually insane. And to think that that actually happened to me, that's another example of proof where it's like, holy shit, like genuinely anything is possible. Genuinely anything is possible, and God wants you to be happy. Like, whatever higher power you may believe in, God wants you to be happy and to be living a fulfilling, meaningful life. And it's a delicate dance that we have to partake in to be both the creator of our reality in terms of like the circumstances we're willing to accept and the action that we need to take to change those circumstances, but also be the receptor of things just working out for you in a way that is better than you could have crafted because it is through the hand of God and the will of God to give you the things that God knows you desire. It's possible for you. Life does not have to be hard, and there's not this catch. If you if you catch yourself like enjoying a season of life or just like really being satisfied and fulfilled with the life that you've built for yourself and the life you are living, that there does not have to be a catch. There does not have to be a okay, but what if? Like you can just enjoy that and it is safe to do so. I don't know who you need to hear that, but I hope at least someone does because I certainly wish that so I certainly wish I learned this lesson sooner, because it probably could have saved me so many years of literal anxiety thinking that like the worst possible case scenarios are just like what's gonna happen. And whatever. Also, don't think it helps that I read pretty much solely dystopian books growing up and like genuinely also formed my worldview around the fact that, like, okay, yeah, the world is gonna end in our lifetime. Like, prayers up, prayers up, that doesn't happen. I don't feel as uh terrified anymore, but nonetheless, you get what I'm saying. Like your childhood beliefs, man, the shit you absorb as a child will shape the rest of your life. But if you are someone who also has kind of felt this sense of like, wait, can things actually be easy? Can things actually be true? I'm telling you, I have firsthand proof that yes. Yes, it can, and it will, and there are probably millions of people who you don't even know about who are living exactly that kind of life where they are happy and fulfilled and safe and peaceful and protected, and if they can have it, then it's possible for you too. The other shoe does not have to drop, things do not have to go poor poorly for it, and you can just enjoy your life because that is the whole point of living is to just be happy, spend time with people that you love, and do things that you love and enjoy life. We are not here to suffer, we are not made to be in these like terrible circumstances, like in our most aligned, ideal, planned outcomes for life. We are happy, we are fulfilled, we are satisfied with our lives, and we get to enjoy the experience of being alive. That is the whole point. And honestly, beyond that, I really don't think that's a lot of the things we stress about, like, you know what? I feel like we're gonna look back on them and be like, you know what? That was not that deep when it comes to our personal lives. So, I hope this episode inspires you to just reflect on where in life you might be expecting things to go poorly, or maybe even holding yourself back without realizing it, just by having this belief that, like, oh my gosh, things actually can't be too good. Something's gotta be like, there's gotta be a catch. Something's gotta be wrong. There's not, nothing's wrong. You are allowed to enjoy your peace and your bliss and your fulfillment, and that is your most ideal state that God wishes you to be in.