42: The Organic Mindset: Social Media, Top Mindset Shifts, and Navigating Life Transitions with Jon Trom

Today we’re joined by one of my colleagues & the host of The Mindset Code podcast, Jon Trom! We connected through the #HigherUpWellnessPublicSpeakingChallenge and share a common mission when it comes to having an impact by sharing learned wisdom on social media, improving your mindset, and what’s really required to navigate transitional seasons of life with more ease. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed recording for you guys!

Main points of discussion:

🌱 How we both got started as “normal people” (non-influencers) posting on social media

🌱 The vulnerable truth of sharing your thoughts & personality online and why it’s worth it

🌱 Where the pull to create or share on a public-facing platform actually comes from and why you should listen

🌱 Our top ranked mindset shifts that were pivotal in helping us reach greater levels of fulfillment and self-expression

🌱 The empowering decision to take full responsibility for your life and initiating sustainable change

🌱 What “masculine and feminine energy” actually is and how everyone can benefit from understanding/balancing them

🌱 Our best candid advice for anyone navigating a transitional phase of life or wanting to change for the better but struggling to stick with it

& more!

Connect with Jon and The Mindset Code podcast here:

https://www.instagram.com/jon_trom/

https://www.instagram.com/mindsetcodepodcast/

Join the  Oreaganic community:

Instagram: @organicreagan https://www.instagram.com/organicreagan/ 

YouTube: @Oreaganic (https://youtube.com/@oreaganic?si=-G95qvftDopdbCWv)

Xoxo, Reagan🤍🌱

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the organic podcast. I'm your host, Reagan, and I'm super excited to share this episode with you guys today because we have another guest on the podcast. My friend John Traum from the Mindset Code Podcast was kind enough to come join me for a lovely conversation about mindset shifts, life transitions, posting on social media, so many different things, but we had a really fantastic conversation that we are both super excited to share with you. So without further ado, let's get into the episode. Welcome to the organic podcast. I'm your host, Reagan, mechanical engineer, lifelong athlete, and recovered overachiever, here to empower you to pursue your highest potential and live freely as your happiest, most organic self. Every week we'll dive into topics ranging from personal growth, mindset hacks, psychology, and a blend of science and spirituality to give you all the tools you need to stop living on autopilot and start creating a life of freedom, meaning, and fulfillment as your most organic self. If you're ready, what's up, you guys? Welcome back to the organic podcast. I'm your host, Regan, and today it's a very special episode because we are doing a collab with John Trom from the Mindset Code podcast. So we're impromptu calling this the organic code. What'd you say, John?

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Organic mindset.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

The organic mindset. I don't know how I forgot that. The organic mindset podcast. So, John, welcome to the show. I'm happy to have you here.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Great to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

I'm excited. I'm excited for today's episode because I genuinely feel like a lot of people could use, I don't know, just listening into a very down-to-earth normal conversation of two like I don't want to say normal, but normal people who are just like anyone else listening, but we just decided to start posting on social media and sharing our perspectives and wanting to help people with their mindset or improving their life. And we're very similar in that way with a little bit different of target audiences. But I am curious how you got started with wanting to post on social media.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Absolutely. Honestly, it's a lot of influence from people who already do it. Same thing with like my background and whether it's fitness or music, it's you kind of like have that little kid in you that like sees someone like on a stage or in this case like a microphone on a podcast, and you're like, ooh, that's so cool. And after like having that come in your brain so many times, you're like, oh, well, maybe I could do that. And I think just the influence of just input so much is what kind of got me there.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Yeah, I completely agree because I mean, I feel like people don't think about starting a podcast or posting on socials without some level of inspiration. And I also don't feel like if you are meant to be posting, if you are meant to be sharing something, if your voice is meant to be heard by others, it's not random for you to feel called to want to do the things that other people are doing when they are sharing their voice with a podcast, with social media, even if it's something that a lot of people would feel a little bit nervous to start because, like, what are people gonna think of me? What are what's my family gonna think? What are my friends gonna think? Like, I don't want to be seen as an influencer, I don't want people to think all these things about me, but there's importance behind wanting to share a message with people, and I feel like we both are kind of going through that same experience.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

Oh, yeah. And that I can definitely relate to like that little bit of desire because like most people probably don't like public speaking or recording themselves or even looking themselves in the mirror or their front camera too long. So I feel like if I'm having the thought that I like even kind of maybe one day want to do this, like I should probably like 12 into this. And then when you start doing it, obviously it's a little awkward at first, but then you're like, oh, like I'm doing the thing now, like it this is cool. So I I absolutely love it.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Yeah, I had again similar experience where it's I am so glad that I started when I did. I started posting on YouTube first. Actually, that's a lie. I I started posting on public Snapchat stories. That was my first ever social media debut because it was between like graduating college, I had an internship, and then I had like a gap after that where I was switching career fields, so I didn't have a job, and I was like, I was in the period of post-grad despair, and this is where I was like really feeling called to post on social media and talk about the experience of coming out of college and going into the adult world and just being like, what the fuck? Like, why is no one talking about the difference between this? So started with Snapchat posting like fucking bacon, egg, and cheeses while I was just home, like looking for jobs and became YouTube, and then it became Instagram, then it became the podcast. So, like, but if I didn't start when I did, similar to probably what you would say, like you wouldn't be where you're at if you didn't start back then, obviously. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Oh yeah, I think a lot of it was like seeing a lot of the quote unquote influencer stuff, even just posts, you not even necessarily people talking, but I was just so amused when people would like you know, back in the era of like taking a picture of what you're eating, or like let's say in the fitness space, they're like, All right, about to go to the gym, this is what I'm drinking today, or like about to do this, just documenting your life, like what Instagram used to be, where it was like it was just photos for the longest time. So I think like I got into posting pictures and things, and then it became documenting me doing something, and then it became like, oh, I can actually have value and actually like talk to the camera. So it's kind of like I think the tears kind of helped me a bit.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Yeah, there is definitely levels of comfort to going from like the pictures to fully just stream a consciousness straight on the public ground, like 100% full sending. It's it's a lot, like it's a really big transition.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Just all that data about you is just out, it's incredibly vulnerable. Um, I mean, that's that's the biggest thing with kind of sharing your voice. And um, like I have a background in music, so I understand being on a stage, but that's kind of like a specific time. Like you go to a concert, you know you're gonna see someone perform and do their song. But when it's like your free will, just willy-nilly saying, Hey, we're talking about this today, or hey, like, you know, here is this part of me or that part of me. It's like you're kind of like whoever follows you, ever sees it. Just they just get that information. They may, they may not have asked for me to talk about this, but they just see, oh, I guess that's just who John Trauma is. All right, like, cool. So I think that's what it is, is like it's just bold, it's just being vulnerable, and it just it's you're just out there.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Yeah, you you're really just full sending, and it's like, I don't really care if no one asks to see this, I don't care if no one asks to hear this. I'm sharing it whether you like it or not, because having that kind of mindset is what allows you to reach the people who you are meant to reach. Like, I don't think that it's a coincidence for your videos or my videos to be showing up on the pages of who it does, even if it's 200 to 300 people sometimes, and like one person sees it and really is impacted by it, but they never tell you about it. Like, you just you don't know. There's so much of the unknown that comes from putting yourself out there, and that's why the vulnerability piece, like it it really is tough, it really is hard because people can be thinking anything, and you have no idea, and you kind of just have to like freefall, full send it, and just embrace the process, even though it feels really uncomfortable sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Oh, absolutely, and I think that's why we both were admirers, I guess, of of podcasters and people who are online, is because in order to be effective with it, you kind of have to put yourself in that place of the listener. And almost everything I post, I'm thinking about like what is something I've either learned or struggle with, or like what would be kind of like some big brother advice like I need to hear. And that is always like the inspiration for me posting any sort of mindset or any sort of podcast idea, you know, with you know, the different topics is like, okay, what would I want to like see pop up on my page? And so, but obviously, pe people subconsciously will see like they're not thinking, oh, I'm looking for this today. Obviously, they're just scrolling and they find it, and the algorithm knows how to send all that out, but you might be having a rough day, then all of a sudden you see something and it's like this inspiring quote or whatnot, and you're like, oh wow, like that's really cool. And then it kind of just it kind of perks up some creativity.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Yeah, it like can completely change the trajectory, even how you see yourself or life, just to find like one social media post, which sounds crazy, but it happened to me. Like, I I very distinctly remember this is so random, but I was on the bus at college, just like fucking scrolling on Instagram, like a classic Gen Z doom scroller. But I was scrolling and I started to get on the algorithm of personal development, mindset, that kind of world. And I found a post where I don't even remember the guy I didn't follow him, but the caption that he had was ways that you were kind of like betraying yourself or things like that. And all the bullet points were calling me out so hard, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like I remember reading it and looking up, like literally just being like, oh shit. So that's an example of a post where that guy has no idea that the post had an impact on me or made me kind of see myself differently or be able to reflect on it, but it had an impact that then shifted both my life and mindset and also the algorithm of my feed because I kept interacting with these posts, and then that leads into finding more people who help you get where you want to be faster, like mindset work, or their podcast, and it's just this whole flowing effect that comes from just the first step of putting yourself out there.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

I think it's the boldness and the confidence of the creator knowing that people are actually more similar than we make ourselves out to be, because they have to realize that what they're saying is likely gonna connect with someone, maybe not everyone, but a handful of people. And so they're like, Well, maybe I felt convicted with these points, and they had to realize that and process all that, and they're like, Okay, now I'm gonna say it to maybe help someone else, and then you you take that in, you're like, Oh man, like I really I mean, I've that's happened to me many, many times. Uh, maybe if it's something talking about self-sabotage or trying to forgive people, or even just like when you're feeling lazy, just working harder, like that can all be very, very convicting. So it's kind of interesting. The creator has to like think, okay, how do I connect with people? This is something I've like kind of lived through or mindset I've adopted first, and then accurately like sharing that information. It's not like they're stumbling on it as they're saying it with you. So that's kind of interesting.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Yeah, a lot of what you just said, and also what you said before reminds me of what Michael Smoke, Higher Up Wellness, talks about when it comes to sharing from a place of wanting to help people and impact and like serve rather than being like, what can I get out of it? I want to be an influencer, I want to post on socials. Like, I think neither of us have that kind of mindset where it's any kind of self-serving agenda. It's more, I feel a deep calling to this. Like, I this feels important. I want to share it, I want to help people, therefore, I'm going to share it. Which I think is funny in a full circle moment, considering that the higher up wellness challenge is how I like we found each other's accounts, both like doing that challenge a little more impromptu, but you posting a lot more not more consistently. You know what I mean? You you've been staying up, you've been keeping up with it with the with the 60 seconds. I kind of ended after my uh my 60 days, but being of service is just like the really important underlying common factor, I think.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Yeah, Michael Smoke, he was definitely the biggest inspiration for that, especially because, like you said with your algorithm, I would just see him all the time, all the time, and just I would connect like I'd connect like crazy with one scroll, another one, another one, another one, go another like the next day, another one, another one. And just like, man, like after kind of learning from him as a virtual mentor, it's like I start like adopting those things and thinking that way. And then okay, I think of like something he might say, so then that creates like a video idea. And I remember with the speaking challenge, it's like I want to get better at speaking, like I'm a little rougher on the edges with like some of these videos. Like that's kind of cool. I'm always up for a challenge, like you know, just like with weightlifting, it's like okay, 10, 20, 30, 40 pounds, like awesome. So I was like, all right, let's do this. And then for a while, I was like, hmm, the type of person who wants to get better at public speaking, like that is the type of person I would connect with. So it's cool you had a hashtag like higher higher up wellness challenge. So when you click on the hashtag, you see all these other people, and some people already have big accounts, some people already well spoken, maybe they just want to refine it. Some people they've never opened their front face camera in their entire life, and you can tell nothing, no hate against them whatsoever. Like, I respect it, but um, I remember like seeing one of your videos, it was I think it was what the first day you started. And I was like, I've I've and I like looking at the day ones just because you can see where people are at. But I remember seeing, I think like your first video was like, Oh, this is so cool. This person, like, you know, hey, former college athlete, um, you know, someone who just genuinely wants to get better, commit to something. Most people fall off challenges. Uh, big thing is like that 75 hard, if you've never heard of that.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Oh my god, I've heard of 75 hard. That is like that's next level kind of commitment. That's that's quite literally hard.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah, so it's kind of cool to like to do stuff like that, and it's always good. I believe in healthy competition. Um, not that you're competing against people, but just like a challenge, like it's you know, competitive-esque, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

You have a reference point, you have an ability to be able to see, like, wow, I've really progressed, and I'm someone who's like feeling like a natural at this, definitely didn't feel that way in the beginning. And the day one videos are definitely definitely the most interesting to look back to. My day one video, I was like, it was so interesting because I had talked on socials for a while before. I can yap, I have no problem talking. But if anyone listening to this has never tried to record yourself talking, like literally just front face camera, record yourself talking for 60 seconds. I challenge you to try it, like not even posting it anywhere, but just try it. I don't know if you agree, John, but the experience that I had literally just trying to keep looking at the camera and just speak for 60 seconds and not be like and freeze. It was oh my god, so humbling. So humbling, but it's so powerful.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Doing it without any sort of pause or edit, it's kind of like I mean, you're basically performing in one take, like a like you there's no mess-ups. So, again, like I keep referring back to my music background. Like, if I'm playing guitar, like there's no little mistakes, no little buzzes or bumps, or like if you're singing, like everything is like a perfect pitch, the cadence and everything, it's like that's so hard to do. But I noticed, like, from watching the higher up wellness like videos, he'll say, like, the reason why you have all these filler words is like you need to pause and to think, and like your brain will literally run faster, or your mouth will run faster than your brain, and it can't keep up. And you're like, Oh, that's why that's happening. And so, like, it's so different. Like, anyone can talk for hours and hours, or a lot of people can talk. It's the fact that you can speak concisely for 60 seconds uninterrupted, and I think that's like the whole like getting in front of the class, giving your answer type energy, or like when you're in school and you do like the where everyone's reading from the same book and you read a paragraph, you get called on, you're like, the the the the how the blah blah don't give me trauma right now.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Do not give me PTSD. Literally, anyone who's an anxious overthinker, especially those times in school where they were like, We're gonna do popcorn reading. I was like, I'd rather jump off a bridge right now. I probably shouldn't say that, but you know what I mean. Like, it's just really, really rough. But um, yeah, the not the pausing when you're speaking, that is something that I have only recently tried to focus on more, and I've noticed how much of a difference it makes to how confident I feel when I speak, especially as someone who, like you mentioned, talk the talking fast thing. Oh my god, I can talk at the speed of light and not even think about it because my brain is just very go, go, go. So yeah, shout out to Michael, Michael Smoke, Higher Up Wellness. If you're listening, major shout out to you, like two of your students over here.

unknown 17:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Is there anything in particular that you took from Michael Smoke as like a mindset shift or just a mindset shift that you came to of your own accord? Like any any kind of like major points that you really had to go through learning to make the biggest impact and kind of start your mindset shifts journey.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Some of the big things he talks about, as well as you mentioned the hormoses. Um so the biggest thing is consistency. And coming from a background of the military and fitness and all that stuff, there's like a lot of this like grind culture, which I'm all for working hard. But the thing is is like doing something super repetitive, you know, challenging over long periods of time and basically delayed gratification. That's really the biggest thing, especially kind of going to her first point, sharing your voice online is his biggest thing he preaches is like, can you post every single day for six months straight? And especially doing it with like the one minute uninterrupted. And like that's where I really was like, Do I love this? Or is this just like a fleeting thing? And when I realized that my brain is so creative and can think so deeply and have these like big hitters every single day after day after day, that's like, okay, I feel like this like kind of calling little interest is becoming a bigger thing. Because I would start to see you know, friends from high school, they'd message me like, dude, like I really like enjoy seeing like your videos every day, like it it really does a lot for me, like more than you know. And like it completely came out of left field, like their response, like I had no idea they were looking at it every day. It's like uh uh wow, like of course, like absolutely. And once you start doing this, you'll like have random moments where like, oh my gosh, that would be a great video, or oh my gosh, like you just pull your camera out and you might say something like off the cuff. But that has been a huge thing for me, and I've really applied it to other areas of my life where you have to get used to doing the not that it's like always boring, but you have to get used to doing monotonous over and over and over. Nothing's gonna happen overnight, and it just like things just take time. Just like if you ever like kind of fall off, or you know, maybe you used to do social media and you don't anymore, you get out of shape, but that didn't take overnight. So, like getting in shape even like with your communication, but like that that does take time, but the pr the progress is fun, and people will see you speak differently too, like like the challenge. So that's been probably the biggest thing. Um a couple other things as far as the mindset shift, and uh I think what Michael talks about is identity, um, but identity and confidence. A lot of the progression like with doing social media or even just pursuing something like social media is you have to be confident in who you are and not worried about what people think about you. So I think it's you need to care less about what people think about you, but care more about people, if that makes sense. Yeah. So like we talked about like the why we do this. We're not trying to be an influencer or whatever, we're trying to just give brotherly, sisterly advice, mentor advice, teacher advice to just help people, you know, like for me, mindset code, crack the code of life, or for you to help people, you know, with dealing with post-grad and all that stuff, is that you're there helping people and from your place of heart. So if you know who you are and you're not worried about what people think of you, is this cringe? Does he even have the credibility to like give this advice or whatnot? Because you know that, hey, I'm just a person who's been down this road. I'm just telling you how to get down the road. Here's that advice. That's what really helped me. And just giving myself full credit for every every bit and every niche, and realizing that my voice does matter and I can give good advice, and I've seen it happen and not too worried about am I the most credible or am I like these high-end, you know, podcasters or whoever that like even if I'm one or two steps ahead, if I'm year two of college, I can still help a freshman. Like, and that's that's you know, that that's all I'm really doing is I'm I'm a few steps ahead and I'm helping you, and that and that's still worth that's still valuable. It I don't have to be a million. Millionaire, Alex and Mosey, make all this money. I'm like, well, I'm so great, and this is how you get there. It's like, no, I'm like a couple steps ahead. I'm just a dude who's talking to his camera all the time. Like, this is my advice for you. So I would say those two, those two were my biggest mindset shifts: identity, and then just um being able to help people and kind of know that about myself, the confidence part.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Yeah. Everything you said, I I truly resonate with it so deeply because the entire point of the impact is to just share for someone who's just a few steps behind you. And that's advice that I've heard from business mentors, from other people online. I think what trips a lot of people up, especially if someone's listening and they have a little bit of that feeling of like, I want to share, I have things that could help people, but oh, I don't really know. Am I established enough? And they get into that kind of imposter syndrome. Like, you don't need to have all your shit perfectly figured out. You don't need to be, like you said, Alex Harmosy or have a million followers to have a genuine impact on someone's life. And that kind of mentorship is something that I think societally we just don't have anymore. Like we thinking back to like the primal days and how our brains are designed and like where we biologically feel most connected to others, living in a kind of tribe setting where we have generations of people all living together, and there's like wisdom of the tribe to be passed down to others. It's the same kind of thing, just made to fit into such an industrialized world with social media and connecting to people online. It's like we are all sharing that kind of wisdom being a few steps ahead, and it's getting to the people that it needs to get to, but we're not like in an actual tribe. You know what I mean? Like there's I see the comparison there between the sharing of knowledge, and that's how we progress faster. It's how we get where we want to go sooner. Not like it's a rush, but it's just the time and energy saved learning from someone who's already been there, done that, has the advice for you is something that's truly priceless for being able to live life, like being authentic, being yourself, getting the most out of it, and it's huge. It's huge. So, like, even if you think that you're a small creator or no one's gonna listen or people are gonna judge you, it is absolutely worth posting still. 100%. And the judgment thing too. Oh my gosh. Did you have like a really like how how intense was like the fear of judgment starting out for you? Because like I have my experience, but I'm curious about yours.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

I think maybe at this point, so I'm a little bit like older, and I think I'm just more confident in myself on and off social media, but I feel like the judgment, like I've dealt with judgment as far as like being myself. Like, I think everyone kind of goes through this, like middle school, high school. You start having clicks, everyone's kind of different. And honestly, that was like a very rough time freely. Like, school wasn't always super fun until like at the very end of like senior year when I knew I was like kind of what I was doing and coming into myself more. So, like, I was not a very social person and probably and always kind of feared like oh, don't speak up too much and this and that. But when I did social media, there was kind of that initial like just you you just feel exposed, if that makes sense. Um, or for like a while, like I posted, like you know, when I was in prep and doing bodybuilding, like for a while I kind of felt exposed when I'm like posting like a lot of like my physique, like that's more of a visual ex exposure. But when I kind of did that for a while, kind of like the progression of like sharing photos and the videos and then you talking, that kind of helped because that's about as as exposed as it gets, where you're like, hey, I'm like stage lean, or like I'm you know, working out, and this is my muscles, this is what my body looks like, and that's something that people can be insecure about, just like public speaking. So I feel like that was kind of a gateway. And then where it's like, hey, like must be weird, like, hey, all my clothes are on, my shirts on, like I can talk to a camera, like you know, this works, I have something to say, or maybe you've had like private conversations with people, and you're like, oh, this is really good, or this sounds like something, you know, something something I would want to hear, or advice I would get. So I think a lot of the judgment probably was more like internal, or like I don't know if it'd be like anxiety. Um luckily I haven't had too many people like say anything negative. I think sometimes maybe you feel this way, but I think the omission of positivity makes you feel like there's judgment. So I think it's not necessarily that everyone is out there being super hateful, and honestly, half those people are probably bots, especially TikTok. That's right, yeah. But just random, like I've had people just put random stuff that makes no sense. They're just trolling. But anyway, I think for me, it's not that there's active negative judgment. I think it's like, oh, that there's I thought this was really good, it's not getting enough attention, or it's not getting the impact I thought it would. Oh my gosh, they clearly must think this or that. It was more so that for me mentally.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

Yeah, like a personal experience where it's like you kind of make it mean something about yourself and working through that. That's definitely definitely a challenge I've had to go through. But with like back to the most important mindset shifts, I fully agree. Like fearing other people's judgment and kind of overcoming that was probably one of the biggest ones for me because the one thing that helps me really see this differently that I go back to is understanding why people judge others in the first place. Like, anytime that we judge other people, what's actually happening is like you judging that part of yourself and you're just being triggered by that person and like not being in like the healthiest state of, I don't know, emotional security or having some kind of trauma from your past, whatever it may be, like anytime that someone is putting out negativity towards anyone, it is because they have that negativity within themselves. And that's something that I don't wish to further judge those people for. It's just something that the awareness of it has allowed me to really be like, wow, if someone actually has shit to say about whatever I'm sharing, whatever I'm speaking, it's not because I did anything for them. Like I didn't, I did nothing to make them mad. It's entirely living in their own world, in their own head, and like they can keep their opinion, like they can think whatever they want of me because I would so much rather be friends with someone who is trying to put themselves out there and do the things that are vulnerable than ever give airtime or energy to people who are like judging others for doing that thing. Like, if you if you judge people just for fun, you are not someone that I want to be close with whatsoever in my life. Like, that is not the vibe that I want. So if that's the case, and if I wouldn't take advice from anyone who's judging me like that, like why would I care about what they think? And why would I let that stop me from just being who I am? Like, that's the best way you could be living your life, is just being fully authentically who you are, like your most organic self, the whole part of the brand, the whole reason why it's called the organic podcast. But the fear of judgment is a massive one, and I feel like that's something that holds a lot of people back and then will later cause regret, like years down the line, is what I think about, where you'll be older, not even like you know, in a retirement home or something, but you'll be older and you'll be like, shit, I wish I didn't care so much about what this person said to me, because what if I started 10 years ago, or what if I started five years ago, or last year, or whatever it is. Like, it's just so worth it to start before giving airtime to other people's thoughts and opinions. Like, that's when you're actually free.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

Yeah, I think a lot of it with judgment is if you want to get to confidence and the other side of whatever whatever that is, you have to sacrifice letting that judgment take over you. So, what I mean by that is like if you're going to let the negativity get to you, believe those things, and kind of feed into that, you then miss out on being the person who doesn't care too much about what people think, is confident, is posting and doing all these things, and is living this, you know, quote unquote better life. That you can't you can't do both, you can't overly worry, but then do this. Obviously, we're human and we have we have weak points, but it's like hey, like in X years, everyone's gonna pass away. Like, is it really are you really gonna care about that comment that someone said, or like, hey, like time's gonna pass no matter what, but do you want to go for that job, go for that goal, go for whatever it is and get there, or kind of hide and you know, worry too much about what's going on, or oh, I'm not qualified enough, or this or that, like you have to take that leap. And I think I think that's not only beneficial for if you want to actually accomplish your goals, but I think like even from an emotional health standpoint, like that'll eat you alive. Like, even for the daily person who you don't want to, you know, post on social media, you don't want to, you know, do any of that, like just to feel better, it will eat you alive if you're thinking constantly, like, oh my gosh, what does this person think about me? Like, oh no, like being confident in who you are is is one of the biggest, most important things.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

Yeah, it is such an energy drain. It's literally it's like energy vampires to give your time and attention to other people who respectfully are fucking losers for judging people so hard. Like, no offense to them, they have their own shit to work through, they have their own shit to work through. But if someone like that is gonna keep you from being who you are and answering to like whatever calling you may have if it involves visibility, you are gonna regret that. And what a lot of what you were just talking about reminds me of the fact that everything has a cost, like literally everything has a cost. So it's just are you what are you willing to pay? Like, either you pay the discomfort of kind of breaking through the block of being scared to be seen or being not wanting to share on social media or whatever it may be, doesn't have to be social media, but either you pay the cost of doing that thing that scares you and then getting the reward of getting to a place that you didn't realize you'd be able to go to unless you took that leap, or you get the comfort now and then you pay that cost later. And that cost later is usually in the term form of regret, which is something that I never ever ever want to feel. And even with people being judgmental or kind of going through struggles with posting on social media, I feel like this is a good segue to talking about kind of finding your own people and growing in your own way and resonating with people who kind of just get it and have the same mindset and have the same goals and ambitions moving forward. So I think that's another point we can talk about of just the process of kind of just evolving and not in this way of, oh, I'm better than other people, so I'm outgrowing them. Just natural evolution of life and kind of making different choices and the not consequences, but the results of doing so being uncomfortable. I don't know if you have any particular experience, but I think we both resonate with that.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

Yeah, uh, absolutely. As far as it kind of all ties in, kind of like how we start with social media, how we kind of got our mindsets. I think with that, and you know, you know, basically a transformation, because obviously we have our natural state and how we were, and then there's some sort of inspiration, motivation, some form of change that happens, and then you are just where you are now, or even where we will be in X months. With that, um finding your people and the identity, so knowing who you are, but knowing where you also want to be. And I think a lot of change in people has been the inspiration. So when you can identify be self-aware to identify what parts of yourself you like and don't like and want to change, you then can align with specific values of who you're trying to be more like. Obviously, you need to be honest where you're at, but I think a lot of my change has been I've been inspired by people who are on that other side, who are who are in a specific place. And I think that has helped because then when you see those people, you're like, oh, I want to be closer with people like that. Or I mentioned even how we met. I was like, okay, someone who wants to better their public speaking, and the type of the type of person who wants to be, you know, someone who listens to podcasts, read books, does this is very self-aware. That's like you know, my not only my audience, but people who I want in like real life. And that is what really helps. And you if you are looking at things that are things that you want to connect with and what aligns, well, there's also a shedding of what doesn't align. And that I think people I mean, I struggled with it for a while. It's like, hey, in order to hold on to the next monkey bar, you have to let go of the previous one. And so I think it's when you were talking about your mindsets, it made me think of this quote where we always prefer a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. And so for me, with fitness and habits, for me to lose over 60 plus pounds in the past like six months, I had to let go of the identity that I'm someone who goes out all the time, who drinks a certain amount, who doesn't watch what they eat, who doesn't get movement in during the day. Like I had to get rid of that. It's not just I want to be this super awesome, you know, bodybuilder, whatever. It's like, okay, in order to again get the whole like sacrifice or risk or trade, is you have to let go of the negative things because obviously there's only so much time in a day, and both aren't gonna be true if it's your identity. You either care about your health or you don't. So like you kind of have to pick one. But obviously, there's moderation, and I don't need to get into that, but um if you're believing certain lies about yourself, even with like the judgment, you can't believe the truth because you're gonna you're you're gonna believe one or the other.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

Yeah, I'm smiling too much because I'm like, this is so good. This is so good, such a good conversation. Because a lot of people, me included, like you will go through periods of changing. You want to shift, you you feel inspired, you want this fresh energy, you want to change your mindset, you want to be a new person, and then it goes back to your identity because shifting anything that's like outside of your identity is kind of like pushing. But I feel like when you change your I identity itself, is this making sense? Like trying to change things that aren't directly correlated to how you see yourself first aren't gonna stick as much as if you actually focus on changing how you see yourself as a person. This is reminding me of atomic habits. I don't know if you have read it, but um, yeah, they James Clear talking about that, like the I'm seeing the circle, you know, with like the three different rings where I forget what the other two are, to be honest, but your identity changing is what comes first. And it's really, really, really uncomfortable to go through those periods of shedding where it's like, okay, this is great, this is incredible. I'm gonna get to a better place, I'm gonna be living more aligned, being myself, like putting myself out there, more abundance, whatever it is. That's the great image. And then the part that no one really wants to go through or focus on is the fact that you need to let go of a lot of shit that's holding you back, and that's usually where the grand majority of the work is. It's not adding a bunch of new things or making super massive changes in like every single area of your life necessarily, it's more letting go of the things that are not serving you, even if it feels like absolute shit to do so. Because, like you said, we all prefer a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven because your brain is literally perceiving something that's in the unknown as a threat and a danger that you could die from, which is ridiculous. Like the way our biology is programmed is just so it's just so funny to me to say that, but that's genuinely what's happening. And I feel like we don't even get enough education about our brains or our nervous systems and understanding these baselines when it comes to making changes and improving your life and living as you are most authentically. Like, no one, no one really seems to be talking about this unless you get lucky enough to see this on your for you page and get put on all the mindset stuff. And I think it's really impactful when that happens. But when I think of like the average person on like not even in America, just in the world, like I feel like there is a massive gap in education about how our brains work and navigating these transition periods that so many more people could benefit from to be living better lives. It's just crazy.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Oh, absolutely. I think we need to be honest about where we're at, but where we want to be. And that I think a lot of people don't talk about kind of like you said, the shedding. We're like, yes, this is uncomfortable, but this is the process of how you get there. Like, and you know, lifting weights. It's like, yes, you'll be sore and there's pain, but but that's how you get stronger. Or it's you know, it's kind of like you wish you had your like a parent or big brother, big sister kind of say, like, hey, like this is gonna be hard, but this is how you get this is how you get to the other side. Um and like I think a lot of the times we think we see people who are living with that change, and you don't see all the work. I mean, even even like you know, you see people who are rich, but you don't see all the countless hours that they put in. And so it's easy to kind of be like, oh, well, they look happy and you know, good for them, and blah blah blah blah blah. But you're like, well, if they were at one point poor or broke and had to like figure it out and like learn these things, and you know, probably swallowed a lot of tough pills, uh, metaphorically, and like you know, things like that. And I think people just you know, I I do think you need to give yourself a lot of grace, be be persistent and disciplined, but give yourself grace in that phase of changing, and just kind of like when you change your body, there's soreness or like even puberty, growing pains, like your body's literally changing, just you're gonna have that emotional, I guess, dissonance for a little bit while or even your brain, like, hey, I know I'm so used to doing this thing, but I need to like consciously like push through to like make that new habit. And then once you're there, I think we see the results of doing that for a while in people, but we don't talk about like that like in-between hard stuff.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

Yeah, the in-between periods where all the stuff goes down. That's where all the shit actually happens. But I think that's why we're seeing on social media a little bit more people. I know Gary V talks about this, like documenting the journey, just sharing where you're at. And I think people love seeing that because I think people are tired of seeing just like, hey, here's my perfect life, here's everything being like pristine and whatever. And I think more people are being vulnerable about sharing the fact that like it's not all sunshine and rainbows to get to a place of I don't know, more success or happiness. It takes genuine work. And I think that's where mentors can be really helpful because, like you mentioned, that kind of like big brother, big sister energy to just be like, hey, this is really gonna suck, but this is kind of what we need to go through to get to this place. And it's like, I feel like it's it's not even like the whole time that you're changing, it's just the the beginning, especially where there's more friction, and you kind of need to like overcome that to actually get going, where you're not seeing results yet, or you don't know if something's working for sure, or like you're reprogramming your brain, your neural pathways are forming, and you again are kind of just in the dark. When you have someone else in your corner, whether it's a paid mentor or just someone on social media, but you have someone else in your corner being like, Hey, you can do this, I promise, just keep going. That helps you kind of get through that that first hump. And then once you see results, it's like the positive feedback loop that actually helps people improve their lives more.

SPEAKER_02 43:01

Absolutely. Yeah, that's where I think it gets really discouraging for people. They don't see the payoff so quickly. And that's why I like kind of you know, mentors, or for me, like having like a bodybuilding coach, it's like, hey, you're gonna feel these things, or like it might be this way, or like what you like you can know what you're doing is good, getting your steps in, being healthy, you know, eating good food, doing what you need to do, or let's say like the speaking challenge, hey, I know this feels weird, like trying to record again or do whatever, but it's like I know this is good, and if I stick to it, but I think a lot of people they might be isolated and they don't have people who also do it or support themselves, and so they're like, Okay, like they don't have that voice of reason to be like, hey, like I know this is hard, but keep going. They just feel that it's hard, they feel that like. Who their their natural state and then where they want to be. They keep they keep feeling that pull so they don't ever push through. And I think that's why like it's more common to fall off than to like keep having success. That's why everyone loves like a success story or transformation or like the process is because it's so like literally natural to quit. Like you know, if you're holding your breath underwater, it's natural for you to eventually just like go up for air. But if it's like, hey, like this is for like a time thing, you and you knew that, and you knew, hey, just hold for two minutes, like you could do it because you you know that mentally. But I think people they just don't know that, like, hey, like you're so close, like you don't don't swim halfway, then swim back. Like, come on, like, just keep going.

SPEAKER_00 44:51

Just keep going. That's the most important part. I think that was something else you mentioned for like a key mindset shift was the consistency because that is what brings the results, like the small, mundane things. And it's so easy to hear that from 100 million thousand people who post on social media or all the books or atomic habits. Like, it's so easy to kind of just hear the advice of like you just gotta keep going, small steps. But like you said, it's natural for us to revert back to what's comfortable, like it's literally our brains keeping us safe, like on a biological, very primal, subconscious level. So I think that we as a society in general can be a little a little bit easier on ourselves when it comes to being super like negative about the fact of like, oh, why can't I change? Why can't I just make this work? Like, there is genuine friction involved that is rooted in your nervous system, your brain, your biology. And also, if you don't see someone and you don't have someone in your corner to, like you said, kind of get you through those points where it's like, no, just hold, keep going. It's not going to be forever. If you don't have that kind of support system, it does make it harder to fully internally source that kind of conviction. But I also think that I mean, you and I have talked before about being like overachievers, a little bit of perfectionists, and we both have backgrounds in like kind of more like I have an athletic background, like you were in the Marines. There's there's I feel like there's overlapping traits here where it's like, why can't you just figure this out? Like just work harder, just be better. And then it starts like a shame spiral almost where it's like if you don't have that awareness of the consistency and what it takes and the positivity, I guess, to get you through it and makes it hard, and then you just get mad at yourself, and then it's just like it's just a spiral.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

Because the the fuel starts to become shame or fear and not love or dedication or inspiration. Um, from my experience in the military, a lot of it is kind of that like you know, I guess tough love. I don't know. It's obviously the Marine Corps, it's very disciplined and kind of like cut and dry, cutthroat. Very cutthroat, and like no matter what, like you do this, and like very rough. And I think in certain circumstances, like, yes, and obviously, you know, being a part of the armed forces, it's obviously you're training for something very different than the civilian world. Because obviously, what's the point? You're you're training for combat, and combat is completely unforgiving. So obviously, you kind of your training kind of has to be unforgiving if you're gonna be dealing with something unforgiving like war. So, but with that, when you're kind of you know stateside and kind of realizing things in your personal life, especially after being out for 10, 13 years at this point, it's like okay, I can't have that like unforgiving mindset the entire time. Like, if you aren't getting better every day, you're getting worse and blah blah blah blah blah, and like, you know, China's awake right now, getting better, and you better, blah blah blah blah blah. Like that, like that's where I think kind of the grind and hustle can be could be toxic. Um, but then on the flip side, um, obviously you need to give yourself grace and things like that, and kind of, you know, I know we'll get into this. You know, you have your masculine energy and your feminine energy. You kind of have to have that, like, almost you think your mother about your mom when you were young, like, hey, like, no, it's okay, like, get something to eat, take care of yourself. You do need a bit of that, but you can't have so much of that coddling, which I think male or female, that's where 90% of people are, they just want to feel better. Or like they start to do something and they want to feel better. And like they are literally tapping into that comfort way too much. Both are both can be bad and toxic, and there's repercussions. But if you can be relentless in your discipline and what you need to do, but then have the self-awareness that you are human, you are going through these growing pains, and you need to do what's best to move forward and not just running forward as fast as you possibly can, that's where you find longevity because you can't run on 110% all the time, but you also can't sit on your couch and be on zero percent all the time. So that's where I have found success in my life is finding that balance. I mean, there's a reason why we generally as a sci society work five days and have two days of rest. We can't just make, well, I need to grind seven days a week because I'll I'll get better. Well, you might for a week or two, but you'll eventually burn out, and then burning out, you might feel you need a week off. Well, then you're setting yourself back. So you know, and that's obviously where, like I said, the mindset of consistency works, but like actually implementing consistency. Consistency doesn't necessarily mean I'm doing all these crazy things every single day. It's am I pouring am I putting a couple pennies into this bank today? Okay, my health, okay, my mindset, my my well-being, my friends, my relationship. You might only have a couple cents to put in each day, but it's not just like, well, I just want to be as healthy as possible, so I'm just gonna like work out for eight hours today and just run myself into the ground, like no no no no. Like, I used to do that um in the military, like feel like I was very all or nothing. And maybe you felt this way through like college athletics, we're like, well, if we're not number one, like we lost. And I again that's great for competitive nature, but it's like if you don't recover from games and recover from training, you can't go and play, you can't go again. Like, that's just not gonna work.

SPEAKER_00 50:36

Yeah, no, this is so good. I love this conversation because finding balance is like the underlying key. And I know that sounds so cheesy, maybe, because everyone's gonna say, you need to have balance in life, you need to balance everything, but actually implementing that and understanding what that consists of is a very different story. And it's something that I still actively work on with myself. Like, I have absolutely made progress with the kind of overachiever perfectionism mindset. Like, I was very, very involved with like being good in school, being good at sports, being good at all my extracurriculars, like being very high achieving and applying that to all areas of my life. And that's kind of where I got the mindset of like having to be perfect and doing things all the time and making sure that I am being presented as someone who's like got all my shit together and just living up to these expectations for myself that were not the same for sure as like you know, training in in the military. Like, I know it's a very like hardcore kind of thing, but it felt like that is literally where I based my identity off of was just being good at things and keeping it together and making sure everything was like picture perfect. And I only really started to realize how much of an impact that had on me, probably senior year of college. And I only played club soccer at Yukon, but it was still competitive and it was still I carried the same kind of mindset through that where I was like, okay, take this seriously, do this well, play well in games. Like, if I had a bad game, I would literally be like so disgusted with myself. And that's where where you bring up the point of like fueling from shame versus fueling from a place of like love and a genuine desire to get better at something, are two very different things. And the fuel of shame and fear is not gonna hit the same as the fuel of like love and devotion and that kind of desire to stay committed from a place of like positivity and knowing that it's good for you and you want to take care of yourself and you want to have these positive impacts. That's where I see the biggest difference between the past version of myself, where I was pushing from that place where it was like very outside of me and living up to the expectations that I put on myself, but based off of what I wanted others to think of me, versus now living way more from like intrinsically myself, my own motivation, and being compassionate towards yourself, finding balance between like knowing your limits and knowing when you can push yourself and when you have to do something that's just hard and sucks, and also knowing when to rest. Because, like you said, if you push yourself, like all the kind of masculine energy, because there is this divide and it's in everyone, but you put a lot of energy into something that is all doing go, go, go, like full output, and you leave no energy for like rest and settling and just like reflecting, you're gonna burn out, and then there's no balance between the two, and you just flip-flop, and it's a really turbulent experience. So it's like the golden zone of the Goldilocks zone of finding the balance between like the masculine energy and the doing and the feminine energy and the kind of receiving, resting, reflecting, and not one's not better than the other, they're just different. And I feel like we have like very, very like diluted perspectives of even just the words masculine and feminine in like the modern day. I don't know. I feel like people hear that and they're like, oh, like, oh my god, just think of the stereotypes in their head. But it's important, it really is.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

Yeah, I think um kind of like what you were saying is where your fuel is coming from. I think it's kind of knowing that you are fueling from your identity versus fueling from judgment. So I know we talked about like identity within like the mindset shifts we've had, and then obviously, like, you know, how have we handled judgment? Because when you believe it within yourself and you're like, hey, like I'm going out, like regardless of the game's results, like I know I work hard, I know I love this sport no matter what, I know I love this, the results don't matter. And that's where I think you win. But if you're like, oh, I'm a winner, well, every time you don't win, you're gonna feel disappointed. But you can work hard and not win. You can work hard and win. So if you're putting your identity in things that like won't change or things that you are in control of, that's that's that's obviously gonna help you. Yeah, but as far as the masculine and feminine energy, um, I think Yeah, I think the connotation's just weird. I think it kind of happened like ever since 2020. I know I think because masculine and feminine um like the connotation's kind of loosely tied with like gender and this and that and orientation, which I think in more recent years has become more of like I don't know if like touchy subject is the right word, but I guess just more either people are about it or it's like a weird subject and it becomes political and social and issues and not. And I think it just kind of taking all that noise out and just realizing that okay, if every human has both of these, like every human you know, biologically has testosterone and estrogen. That's not like it's not like oh I'm a guy, I want my testosterone super, super high. It's like, well, there are health side effects if it's too high or if your estrogen is too low. And same thing with females, like you can, you know, gain a lot of water weight and certain things. Like, obviously, when women go through their cycles, like your hormones are changing, like, and that's very important. So but obviously from more of a not necessarily hormonal, but more of even like an emotional part, like we said, with like the masculine of working hard, the feminine of kind of more of the care. I I think right now, I think men, I think in more recent years, I think especially the older generation looking to the new generation, but the newer generation seems way too feminine, and we don't have that old school grit that like back like our grandfathers, like World War II era type men. And so you're having people like our dads, our grandparents saying, Oh, everyone's so soft and blah blah blah blah blah. Now that era I think was probably overly masculine because we didn't have all the knowledge of like our emotions and self-awareness, and therapy probably wasn't even a thing really then. Um you know, and working on yourself and self-improving. We didn't obviously have like mindset podcasts and things like that. So then you have people who you know, the younger generation guys who are like, Man, this world's hard. There's all this pulling me this way and that way, and you know, social media wasn't a thing for the other generation, and so they're just saying, suck it up, shove your emotions down. Now we learn that like being in tune with your emotions is healthy, and so they're like, Well, I feel these emotions, but they don't know that sometimes you need to set those aside or just how to properly take care of them. So, what I mean by that, like execution, it's like you can feel hunger, you can feel tiredness, but there's a point in what I learned through military training that you have to set that aside and put your best foot forward for the mission. But through my experience of you know, doing inner work and therapy, I'm like, okay, well, when you're not in the middle of quote unquote battle, you need to take care of yourself, and you need to, well, why are you feeling that way? And you need to fill your cup back up, like you know, take care of your body, take care of your mind, take care of your emotions, um, get outside, touch grass, like all that stuff. So I think that is the balance, and I think there's uh the reason why we have some division is the generations where we have a super masculine generation in men, super feminine um generation of of men currently. And then I believe the next step is because we've had such feminine men, it's creating very masculine women, which I think we need more masculinity in women nowadays. And I think women used to be super duper feminine. Now it's it's it's flipped. So super masculine men in the war era, super feminine women were like they couldn't even vote or own a or own a credit card, and then it flipped to where women are now CEOs and you know boss babes, and then men are, you know, you know, doing their thing and you know what have you, and it's throwing everything off. And then because we live in a multi-generational world, the old generation is hitting on the new generation and there's kind of dissonance. Where I feel like if we realize it's okay to have both versus demonizing, like, oh well, guys need to be super masculine and women need to be super feminine, like that's we've already done that. We've already done that, and it you know, in certain things it can work, but the if the flip side if that didn't truly work and the flip side of it isn't working, well, that tells me that like we need to be in the middle. I don't know the same thing goes for politics. Um obviously we don't have to get into that, but it's like when you have extremes of something, it doesn't work. So through my discovery, I feel like I am the healthiest and the best self where I realize yes, I'm a man, I probably will lean more masculine in a lot of areas, things like fitness, work, my mindset. But as far as like being a good friend, being, you know, let's say if I was in a relationship, being a good partner, my uh creative side, but that's very feminine. I feel like I'm I can't shoe that away. And that's still just like it's part of me hormonally, like that has to be part of my mindset, my emotions. Like I've kind of lived both. Like when I was in the military, it was obviously very masculine, and when I got out, I wanted like nothing to do with it for a couple years, and I got like kind of to the other way, but I feel like now with knowing how to balance that stuff, was when like there's like great harmony.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:12

Yeah. Oh, this is so good. I keep saying that, but that's so good because I feel like I just sounded like a mom being like, that's so good, but seriously, I love this conversation because oh, feminine and masculine energy. I'm not gonna lie, starting out getting into like personal development mindset, learning more about this world. First person I found was this woman called Monica Yates. Monica, if you ever listen to her, she's very outspoken, like fiery kind of like she's gonna say something is probably gonna trigger you, but it's the truth. And something she talks heavily about is feminine and masculine energy, and especially with women today, that perspective of the generations going from like too masculine to kind of too feminine and being a little soft. I think that's real. No offense, but generally speaking, just how it is, I think that is real, and like you said, the balance is to be found in the middle and understanding, like generally speaking, where we feel the bit the happiest and the most fulfillment is being aligned with like our natural kind of polarity. But this is something Monica talks about a lot because that doesn't mean like women stay home, men go work, like women can be CEOs and still feel like feminine and feel cared for in their relationship. And men can be, you know, kind of flip situation, like they can be taking care of a home but still feel very masculine and like leading the relationship, like there's there's balance to be had in everything. And I do think that this gets to be a touchy subject for people because we make it mean something that it's not, or we have definitions of like toxic masculinity, or we base our judgments off of our own personal experiences. And if you've had repeated experiences that were not good, and you've I don't know, like for an example of dating, like you find a bunch of men who are just like treating you like shit, and then you're like, oh my god, all men suck, I hate men, and then that shapes your whole outview of the world. Like, that's not healthy for you or anyone else or a whole society when it comes to actually living in balance and having meaningful, fulfilling relationships with ourselves and also with other people, but people get so touchy about it, and the same exact thing with politics too, where it's like anything that is too extreme, and you get like if you involve so much of your own energy in something that is like some kind of system outside of you where you're like super, super, super extreme about it, like that's that's not healthy, and it's also not realistic. I hate the kind of absolutism mindsets, like what I just said of oh my god, all men suck, I hate all men, like that's not true. But when you tell yourself that, your brain, you're actively programming like your reticular activating system to be looking for more evidence to prove what you believe. So if you believe, like, oh my god, I had bad experiences with guys, like all men suck, I hate them, like toxic masculinity. The only thing your brain's gonna be looking for is okay, where are more experiences that affirm that belief? And you don't see the guys who are good or the people who are positive, or like those kind of experiences that disprove that belief. And I feel like that is just that can be applied to politics, it can be applied to the masculine-feminine energy, it can be applied to literally everything of just like setting our baseline programs to be looking for that negativity and having these perspectives that aren't necessarily in line with feeling truly balanced and healthy and taking aspects of both and having the awareness of what both femininity and masculinity actually mean. Because, like you said, it's in everyone, it's also in like every living thing in nature, you know, with context. I'm sure there's different things, but genuinely everything has like a masculine and a feminine energy to it. Like that's just the the way our world works, it's just the way that like creation is and nature is. So to stray away from that or just say like, I don't know, absolutism opinions about it, it just it's not healthy. It's not healthy.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:14

And I think when you see or you think those absolutes with things, it's like you have you have a specific lens of glasses on to where, like you said, you're looking for those reasons that prove your point. Oh, men are trash, but then you also have earplugs in to where you can't hear any of the wisdom of good men. So it's like from my experience as a guy, when I see women who are like, Oh, all men are trash, you know, this guy, blah blah blah, my ex, blah blah blah blah blah, who very outspokenly complain generally are single because they just keep believing that oh, men are trash and like in a weird way. If you don't change okay in a more mature way, what do those men have in common? What is something I need to look out for? What might be a red flag? I need to change how I'm dating. If you're saying all men are trash, you're just telling on yourself that you date men that aren't compatible with you. And it's yes, that they have problems, but the problem is you keep doing the same thing over and over. That's not helping you. For for me and my my experience with dating, it's like, okay, this didn't work out, okay. But what in me thought that that was okay at some point in time? Because obviously you like the person, you started dating them, it went on for X months or years even, and you're like, okay, at some point I thought that this was like my value or whatever, like this was like a good thing to keep going. And again, same thing tying it back to identity. It's like, okay, well, I must be missing something of who what I need or who I am if I'm allowing this to happen, you know. And I think I mean, even the other way, you know, so like if I then take that information, I'm like, okay, well, that doesn't align with me. What does align with me is someone who is supportive, who is more emotionally considerate, who compliments my masculine and feminine energy, and that's balance. Well, then you're taking the glasses off and taking the earplugs out, and you can finally see. And then you have a mature mindset of, okay, not everyone, you're not blindly trusting, oh, everyone just has my heart's best interest, but you're not everyone's trash. You're having that, you know, you're being realistic of like, oh, it is very uncommon for someone to be compatible with me and to have what I'm looking for, but it's not non-existent.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:54

So you open your brain to the possibility of it, yeah. Oh my gosh. It literally people are just programming their own kind of reality when they say that kind of thing, where it's like, all men are trash or all women are like this. Like that kind of thinking doesn't serve you, doesn't serve anyone. And this is where, like, me bringing up Monica and saying that she triggers people because she talks very openly about this. Like, no one wants to hear, like, hey, you're part of the problem here. Like, the fact that you are the one who is accepting this behavior, you are the one who is like not being clear about what you want, or like as in what you're willing to tolerate, and you're you're allowing this to happen. Like, you are part of the equation here is not a comfortable thing to feel, like that's not a fun thing to hear.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:39

Go on, like you you talk about, oh, that this this relationship, or even if you talked about it in a non-romantic way, like even jobs. Wow, this job sucks. And if you do that year after year after year, it's like, okay, well, then why why did you apply? Why did you stay? Why didn't you quit? Like, if it's so bad and you know you deserve better, then go get better. Like, or if like you hate the way, like, you know, let's say you want to get in shape, you you hate the way you look, okay. Well, then what are you doing about your diet? What are you doing about getting exercise? Like, if you really hate it that much, like stop. I actually heard this yesterday. Stop if you're gonna say you want something but you're not gonna take action, relieve yourself of having the desire. If you keep telling yourself that, like, oh man, I really want to get shape, I really want a better job, I really want to have a whether you're in or out of a relationship, I really want a healthy relationship. It's like, okay, if you want that, well then that takes certain things. But if you're gonna keep saying you want it, but then complain, then like, okay, like then just you can't you clearly don't want it, then just deal with whatever you get. Deal with the job, deal with the crappy partner, you know, deal with the overweight body, like, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:57

Yeah, it's the hardest shit to hear, and it loops back with the comfort zone thing because this is where it's like, okay, if you hate your life, if you fucking hate your job, you hate whatever aspect of this, or you just know it's not something's not working out, you got the key. Like, you're the one who can let yourself out of this prison that you were holding yourself in, but it requires you to take that leap of faith and to do something that feels uncomfortable. And this is like the weird period that people get stuck in, where it's like they're not pushing for it yet, but they're uncomfortable. And it's just like they're this limitable period, but they never let themselves squeeze out of it, and then they just live their entire life being like, oh my god, I hate my job, I hate this field, I want to move. But then they think about moving, and then their brain and their comfort zone is like, wait, but what happens if we do that? We might die. I don't know what's gonna happen. It feels unfamiliar, even if it's something that's unhealthy, even if you're in you're used to like things that I don't know, spending time doing things that don't serve you or things that don't keep you in a state that you want to be in. Like, even if these things do not serve you, your brain will still keep you there out of the sake of like wanting to keep you comfortable and safe. So, like, even when you think about I want to get better, I want a different job, like, oh, wouldn't that be nice if I could find someone who's actually compatible or whatever? You you kind of have to be the first one to move. But it's so this is why it makes people so uncomfortable because it's like no one likes hearing the fact that you are the only one who's responsible for your conditions, but in the same vein, like I didn't like I did not like hearing that the first time that I really realized it. I was like, oh, I do not like hearing about the fact that I am being, I don't know, a people pleaser because like I'm allowing it to happen or I have no boundaries. Like I distinctly remember listening to a Monica podcast where she talked about people pleasing and having this feeling in my stomach where I was like, I don't I don't want to hear this right now. I just straight up I don't want to listen. Yeah, but in the same line of thinking, like it's freeing to know that you are the only one who's responsible for your conditions, because that means you have complete control over changing your life. But it just actually takes like going that extra step to be like, okay, I don't like this condition, so I'm gonna change it. Because same similar to what you're talking about, I've seen the quote of like, if you're not changing it, then you're choosing it, which is true, but it's rough to hear.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:30

Um, or I've heard it's kind of similar. Um, you should inspect what you expect, especially like if you're in a leadership position, if you're expecting certain things to happen, you need to inspect them and check up on them. Um, or you know, it's like keeping tabs on things. Like if it's if it's not managed, then it's gonna go on discipline. Um real quick before I forget, to kind of uh tie into you know the whole feminine energy and how that's healthy too. I know our responses were very masculine of like, oh well, you're part of the problem too. Okay, so someone is hearing that and they're having that like harshness feeling right now. I will give you a comfort words of advice, and that is that it's gonna feel really hard to do that, but it is worth it. So, like, let's say, like losing weight, like when you're still when you're in that initial process of okay, I don't like where I'm at, I need to finally take those steps. You feel you felt bad for a while, okay. How do I actually like calm down to then move forward? Realize that like your brain has created pathways and habits, but just like the job change, the weight loss, you know, getting out of a relationship if you need to move on, your brain and your central nervous system is literally going to freak out. You literally go through a withdraw of the habits, the security, the whether they were good habits or bad habits, healthy, unhealthy, you literally go through withdrawal. If you think about if you're addicted to like sugar and then you stop, or caffeine and you stop, and you get headaches, or even alcohol, you deal with withdrawal. But if you're in a relationship and then you're no longer texting that person all the time, or this or that, or whatever, you do feel all those emotions of missing the person. You will feel that and it's okay, and let yourself just like detox. Just let yourself I I recently went through an actual detox, um, a gut detox to improve my health. And I couldn't eat a ton of things, and like it was it was difficult. But when I got done with it, and then I reintroduced certain foods, it's like, oh my gosh, like everything's moving well, like it's great. But realize you will be literally detoxifying from your old way of self. And don't let the discomfort of detox take you away from getting healthy, whether that's the job, the relationship, your health, what have you.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:07

That's a great way to put it detoxing from your old life. Because it really is like your brain will want to when you when you quit sugar. Guess what your brain wants? Sugar. Your brain does not give a shit what is best for you when it comes to like living a happy life or getting to a better place. On a very biological level, the only thing your brain cares about is am I safe? Is this something that I'm familiar with? So that's where we can give a little more compassion. Yeah, this is why it's such a such an interesting balance to have and why discernment is so important as someone who might be listening to this, being like, Oh, like maybe I feel a little called out. Like, it's natural to resist change, it's natural to be operating from systems that you didn't necessarily choose when it comes to like your mindset, your beliefs, your habits, speaking to how we're all raised differently. We all go through different experiences that program different parts of our brain, and a lot of it is subconscious, and we don't realize it, and we don't know about it until someone talks about it, brings it to light, and then you realize, like, oh shit, there are actually things that I want to change or areas I want to work on. And a lot of the way that this shows up is through being triggered by something. So, as uncomfortable as it can feel to be triggered, like it is a gift in that it's a doorway to you being able to grow more and overall get to a place that is better for you, which is the more like compassionate way of saying that the change is gonna feel really hard, but it really is worth it and it's necessary. Like the detox period is necessary as much as it's gonna freaking suck, you will get to a place where you are better than where you were before when you actually allow yourself to keep going through it and kind of have the masculine energy of pushing through it, but also caring for yourself at the same time. It's such it's such a dance, it really is.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:59

I I think what is good is like for me, I think maybe if you're struggling with something, I think sometimes maybe leaning a little bit more masculine of at least getting the discipline and fundamentals down to get at least momentum. And then if you've had some success and momentum, I think that's where it's kind of okay to like be a little bit gracious to yourself. Um, to give an example, you know, sometimes you might be in a dieting phase, but you you might have like a refeed day where like you get a little bit more calories, you're not gonna fall off. But it's kind of like a hey, like, or you take a rest day, you know, something like that. You know, for me, when I was initially trying to change, I was a little bit more tough on myself because it's like, well, you've been living not tough for so long. We need hey, buddy, we need to get the ball rolling. But then when it's like, hey man, like you've had you've done this for 30 days, like that's great. That's where I think you can kind of you know help yourself out a little bit more, or you know, stop and smell the roses every once in a while, like check in with yourself every week. You know, that's why I love posting progress photos of stuff, because it's like it's really hard meal to meal or day to day or workout to workout, but when you can kind of like sit back and be like, you know what, I actually am changing and things are going well. Or if I feel a little bit more down one day, because it'll it'll come and it'll happen, be like kind of like kind of sit back a little bit and then kind of like even if it's mentally just kind of giving yourself kindness and grace, and like I said, even like look at all photos of yourself, or like it's like what like acknowledge wow, I really handled that situation so much better than I would have. Like, holy cow, like I've grown up a lot. Like I like that is nothing is too small to celebrate. Those things are so good. I like even if it's like you had something fundamentally where you you know messed up when you were young, and you're learning, even if it's like basic things of emotional regulation, you know. Even me, I'm learning about emotional regulation in my 30s now. I'm 31, and there's some things I unfortunately missed out when I was a kid, when I was in middle school. But it's like, you know what? I'm not overreacting in that. I'm not, you know, emotionally eating anymore. I'm not like seeking out all this dopamine and in this or whatnot, and just like giving yourself like a pat on the back, like, yeah, awesome. Now, sometimes I can't do that all the time. Sometimes it's like, hey man, no, we're not doing this today. Like, no, we need to do the right thing. We can't have a rest day every day. But you know, that's that's what's I really like is you know, the days I do I do find a lot of lessons learned when it is hard and I'm pushing myself. Um like you said, it is a blessing to be triggered because that's where you re you realize you're weak and it humbles yourself, and the pursuit of working hard is awesome. But obviously, it's also great to at some point, once you've put that work in first, to then be like, oh wow, like I've really made change. But again, you don't get the latter without the first.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:09

You gotta take the first step, but that is a really great point to reflect on how so many of us like we do not give ourselves enough credit for the change that we have made. And even if it's just going through life, like trying to have better habits, things that feel small or big, like you said, nothing is too small to celebrate. And I think that's something that can help be a motivating factor for people that can come more intrinsically because you're able to actually have like evidence in front of you of like, wait, I actually have improved a lot or I have changed. And something, another quote I've seen is like if you ever feel down about yourself or you feel like you're not getting where you're supposed to be, quote unquote, fast enough, like would you trade places with the version of you one year ago? Like, would you do that? I would guess probably not. I mean, depending on your situation, I don't know, maybe, but so many of us have progressed and changed and grown a lot more than we give ourselves credit for. I feel like when we actually give ourselves the space to see that, it helps us have more compassion, which gives us more of that intrinsic loving motivation to keep going forward and keep changing and like be realistic and kind to yourself and understand that you are human, but also build the self-trust of being able to live up to your word and have that kind of discipline and be able to actually follow up with what you told yourself you were gonna do. And then building that self-trust is what allows you to strengthen that internal muscle, which then allows you to continue changing and progressing and get to a better life. So it's all connected.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:42

Yes. I mean, and if you can do this for yourself, that helps you support people in also doing it because it's kind of like the saying, hurt people, hurt people. People who have forgiven forgive a lot easier. So if you've gone through a transformation or a change, you can kind of see that process. I can think of a person in my life where you know, maybe they haven't had as much of a transformation, or maybe they're not, you know, economically in the same position as me. But it's like I can see like my old self in them. And you know, obviously at the start of this, like the whole point of this is to help people. But you can kind of see that and you can truly see if there's an actual desire, maybe they're just not like actually at the other point yet. But that's where it really is rewarding. It's like obviously it's awesome to change so that you could be happy, healthier, better life. But when you can ac actually help other people too and see it, and then that's where kind of like cultivating that culture of people around you, then you're kind of part of it is is keeping people accountable, but also being loving and caring. That's where it's like, okay, then you can you know influence a family member or a friend, and it's not just like, well, look at me, I've changed my life, but I really like where I can kind of take what I learned and pass it on, and I'm able to see certain things in other people because I've seen it in myself. And I think when people don't see things going on in your life and they kind of disregard things, well, that's kind of telling that they probably don't take care of themselves very much. You know, kind of going back to the relationship thing, if certain things like taking care of yourself and being aware of your emotions, if they're not aware of yours, they probably aren't very self-aware. So the more you can better yourself, the more you can actually help better other people.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:42

Mm-hmm. It's like the positive flaw and effect. And when you see someone actually, like me seeing other people on socials posting and kind of how we post on social media, just from a place of genuinely wanting to share and impact people, it creates like the positive feedback loop, and then more people spreading the message, but then creates more positivity for them, and it just like giant flaw and effect to make the world a better place, which sounds cheesy, but it's true. Like it's genuinely how we impact people and like share the mission, and everyone's better off for it. So it's definitely a process, definitely not something that is uh an easy thing to navigate when it comes to being honest with yourself and reflecting on the conditions that you currently accept in your life and how you see yourself and your identity and what you think you want to improve or change or who you want to be and kind of self-actualizing, like it definitely takes a level of a spark, almost like an enzyme to get you to grow to that point where you're like taking the action to get to a better spot. But once you go through this whole process, like your life really is better off for it no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:52

Yeah, I like that you said that it's kind of like a trigger. It's for me, it was kind of hitting rock bottom after a major breakup, and that usually and kind of like stereotypically like happens, especially with guys, like they get in shape and stuff like after after a breakup, whatever. But you don't have to let yourself hit rock bottom. You can take even those micro moments of feeling triggered and use those as an opportunity of like, okay, looking inward, not over doubting yourself of like, oh, what did I do wrong? But just like, hey, okay, this is who I am. Am I being who I who I want to be or who I need to be? Does this align? Okay, yes or no? Do I have an opportunity of growth here? Or is this person kind of just saying hogwash and I can disregard that? But putting yourself under that microscope and be like, all right, what type of person am I being? That's what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:44

Yeah, it's like being neutral and compassionate, but also super honest and kind of using a reflection on yourself as data, all from a place of like wanting to help yourself from a loving place, not in like a oh my god, my life is so shit. I have so much to work on, like, oh my god, I'm a dumpster fire and I need to completely revamp my whole life. Like it can be, you do not have to hit rock bottom just to want to make change in your life and to just I don't know, be a better version of yourself, whatever that looks like for you. So I feel like we definitely hit a lot of topics that could help a lot of people navigating a transition period in particular. And I hope this is helpful for people to see again. Like I just a normal, normal person who just decided to start posting on social media. Like, you don't have to be an influencer or hormose to have an impact on people and to go through this experience. Like it just it's universal to all humans, and I feel like when you see people talking on social media, it's easy to forget that. But we're all the same guys, we're all the same, we're all just going through this life doing our best. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:57

All right. Well, it was a pleasure spending uh the time talking about all these topics with you. Like I said, I I agree. I think it was very, very beneficial for people. Um, it was very nice to kind of just kind of get everything out and a lot of these ideas I've been thinking about for a long time and being able to kind of have like a long form to discuss, especially with another like-minded person. Um if you ha if you have gotten anything out of this, uh please let either of us know. Um if you feel someone could benefit from this, please share it. And um I really encourage you, if maybe you want to become a podcaster, like to do it, to go for it, just get your feet wet um or whatever it is. Maybe it's not podcasting, maybe it's if you need to jump jobs or jump a situation or whatnot. But like um my last bit of words of wisdom is it might feel uncomfortable, but it's either gonna be uncomfortable staying where you're at or it's gonna be uncomfortable moving. So pick which one you want to do with.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:57

Choose your hard. Seriously, though, guys. But for real, yeah, take the leap, guys. Full send. I've said that 80 times, and maybe I sound like Gen Z saying that, but seriously, you really just gotta send it sometimes. Say YOLO and not give a flying fuck what anyone else has to say about it. And I promise you, you'll be a million times better off. So I echo everything you said about I don't know. Hoping this helped people, sharing it. If it feels impactful for you, let us know. DM us, guys. I don't know about you, John, but every time in my episodes, I'm like, guys, talk to me. Like, y'all can DM me. Y'all can I'm I will yap, I will talk. Like, if you want any, I don't know, advice, perspective, whatever. Like, I'm I love connecting with people. I mean, clearly, like, we're an example of that. And yeah, I just love to grow our communities in this way and just find other like-minded people. So, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I think we uh we cracked the code, the organic mindset, the organic mindset code. We have cracked it. So this has been great. Thank you so much. Um, yeah, I don't know how else to end the episodes. I'm literally just like, okay, thanks.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:12

All right, see you guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:13

See you guys. All right, you guys. I think I'm still adapting to how to smoothly close off an episode, but I really hope that you guys loved this guest episode. I hope that you guys listened the whole way through because we really did touch on so many good topics, so many things that have been truly so impactful for me, working through like the best advice that I could give just based on my personal experiences. And John did the same thing. I'm sure this will probably not be the first collab in all of the time that this podcast exists as well as his, but I'm super excited that it's finally out into the world. If you're interested in connecting with us on social media and listening to John's podcast, The Mindset Code, the links are in the description below. I really hope that you guys got something out of today's episode because I really loved recording it and I'm just really happy to finally put it out there. So, with that said, go be your most organic selves, and I will see you in the next one.