How We Learn to Trust Things Will Be OK with Tanya Lynch

In this episode, I talk to Tanya Lynch about hope, resilience, and the ways we hold ourselves through change. We explore what it means to believe that things will be OK, not as a forced positive mindset, but as something lived and felt over time. Through stories of heartbreak, midlife, motherhood, and starting again, Tanya shares how this trust has been shaped not just by ease, but by everything she’s had to move through.

We talk about the emotional reality of life’s harder seasons—grief, uncertainty, anxiety—and how those experiences can sit alongside beauty, connection, and even moments of calm. There’s something here about being in nature, about looking up instead of down, about the small, everyday ways we find steadiness again. We also explore journaling, creativity, and the spaces Tanya creates through her retreats, where women can feel held, seen, and a little lighter.

Tanya Lynch is a mother, a ridgeback owner and the founder of Ease Retreats. Tanya collaborates with authors and creatives, hosting retreats in beautiful venues across the UK. A year ago she became a certified bibliotherapist offering book prescriptions and launched The Bibliotherapists podcast with her co-host Toni Jones. Tanya is also a therapeutic journalling coach and through her programme ‘Rage on a Page’, she helps midlife women channel their emotions into something more positive and creative in less than 60 days. Each Thursday Tanya hosts an online journalling club ‘Journal with Ease’. She’s usually near a beach walking the dogs, hosting retreats, writing in her journal or hanging out on Substack.

Website | Instagram at Ease Retreats and Tanya Lynch

If you’re in a moment that feels uncertain, or you’re learning how to trust yourself again, this is a great episode for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Hi, and welcome to this week's episode of A Thought I Can, a podcast about the ideas that stayed. I'm your host, Claire Fitzsimmons. And today I am joined by the wonderful Tanya Lynch. Tanya is a therapeutic journaling coach, a bibliotherapist, a podcaster, and a retreat host. And I think you will find that being in her company offers the ease that connects all these different things. Because Tanya is the founder of Ease Retreats, which was recently described in the Times as one of the seven best unique retreats in the UK for aspiring writers. Here she collaborates with authors and creators to create spaces that feel both beautiful and deeply restorative. Tanya is also a certified bibliotherapist and offers book prescriptions. And she launched the Bibliotherapist Podcast with her co-host Tony Jones, the founder of Shelf Health. She's also a therapeutic journaling coach and through a program called Rage on the Page, she helps women in midlife channel their emotions into something that is more positive and more creative. What I love about this conversation though is that I get a real sense of how Tanya hosts her retreats. That it can feel like the cup of tea that you didn't know that you needed, but that you do. And there is so much here about creating the space for reading and writing and feeling and resting and connecting and hoping. So many of the things that I think we'd all like to welcome into our lives just a little bit more this year. So here is my conversation with Tanya and the thought that she kept. And maybe you will too. Hi Tanya. I wanted to welcome you to the podcast. I could not be more excited to spend this time with you and to host you in this space. And I've really been thinking about what this has been like for you, thinking about the thought that has stayed with you. And as somebody who reads and loves words, in a sense, I know that I've given people this most impossible task. And I wondered how you approached it, given your your understanding, your love of your time that has been spent with words and reading and writing.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

What how people see you from the other side and how what's actually going on in my head and my mind. And I'm I struggle to remember things. It really is a joy to be able to journal because I'm managing to keep the stories and the tales and the flashbacks of memories that I so needed. So when you did ask me the question, I was like trying to think too hard about it. And I had to leave it for a bit and just go, you know, it doesn't have to be something spectacular and to wow the people because I think we can, whatever we're doing these days, it's like having a point of difference or a surprise. So it came to me when I was on the beach walking my dogs as I do most days, and I was like, yeah, that is the thought that's with me daily. And I just didn't realize it until I was asked the question by you. I couldn't believe how much it is a part of me. So yeah, it was a fascinating experience actually, because my first reaction was like, Oh my gosh, I do I have one, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

And uh yeah, yeah, it's a funny moment, isn't that? I I think I would have the same, interestingly. So I love books and also don't remember them in the way that I would hope I would. And there is something about that, what's the right answer? Like, what is the right, the right thought to break and feel like we're striving for the big idea that that will legitimize something? And what I really loved about what you said is that something that is just there daily and we're not even aware of it, but it determines so much. So, with that in mind, what is the idea? What is the thought that you do a little inside?

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Is that every cloud has a silver lining? It's not so much it's all about the doom and gloom of the storms. You know, I'm very I've been known to be called the bit the big daydream believer. So I'm constantly looking at clouds and I find them fascinating how you know they can be almost sending you a message. There's characters in the shapes, and you can so get lost in it. And I think today, particularly, you know, you're not you're so busy with looking down rather than looking up. I've always been outdoors as a child, and we lived in a farm miles away from anyone. So my brother had a little runaround motorbike, little 50cc, and I had a little pony, and we'd race each other. So we were a bit like uh, what was his name? Tom Sawyer and Huckaberi Finn, you know, we just went off and adventured. And um, you know, I've had a colourful life. I'm 51. And I think throughout it all, that I've always thought, not only am I resilient, I've always thought, have hope, have faith, it's gonna come good. Even though the challenge or the drama or the trauma happens, you know, when you're right in it, it's almost like you're thinking, this is tough. I'm not getting through this, why me? And then when I look back and I go, it's because you just kept going, because what else were you gonna do? You you weren't gonna sit back and just let life pass you by. So um, and I'm trying I was trying to remember who was the first person that mentioned it to me, but I, you know, I was lost in the movies. Um, it could have been a relative, but it's not so much who shared that thought with me, it's that I share it with others. And it it's just it's it's just beautiful. And even when the clouds are here, you know, not metaphorically, but when I'm looking at them and they don't have a silver lining, you know, have you seen it when the sun just it's I'm not religious at all, but when the sun just has this channel, almost like I feel like there's some ultra power just pouring down on the land, and it just catches you. And I think that's what's so amazing about an environment or nature when you're, you know, your head's so busy that you can just, if you open your eyes a little wider, the things that you see, the beauty that's around, is a message in itself. Sounds rather which I'm not at all, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

But there's something in that that there is the moment that you're in the thing, like the hard moment when you need to be resilient or hopeful, and there's the realization afterwards of what that gave you. And I'm just curious, when you're in that moment or those moments that things do feel difficult and tough, and they aren't what you would hope they would be. How do you how do you hold on to that hope? How do you really remember this idea of the silver lining?

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Because I've been stupid through so much, you know, it's it's it's happened quite regularly, you know. There's been so many curveballs, little, massive, multiple, and I just know that things are gonna come good, you know. I think when the first big drama upset happened to me, it was bleak, you know, there was no hope. And then after the many things that would be thrown in my path, whether that's personal or through my businesses, I actually was starting to appreciate that the one thing guaranteed in life is change and challenge. And when I'm speaking to my sons, one's 22, one's 15, you know, my youngest had heartbreak for the first time. And I was just like, God, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And he's such a, you know, he wears his heart in his sleeve, he's so tactile, he's a very emotionally intelligent chap. And he went in deep, and he was like trying to relate to me how physical the heartbreak felt. And I was like, You, yeah, it is physical. And you, it's not like I could give you a band-aid for it. And and it's one thing when you're going through a heartbreak, but when he was going through a heartbreak, you know, I think that was even more painful for me, for him. But what it what the conversations we were having around it was, bless you, bless your heart, but this is just the first of many, you know. I hope that you can get through life without this sort of pain. And I don't mean he's going to go through many heartbreaks. I just mean life can be quite tough. And I think, and it was like, that's what we were talking about was like, you know, there'll be lessons learned in all of this and try and see the beauty in it rather than the pain that you're going through now. What about all those great memories you had with her and and how it's changed you as a person, you know, even though you're such a young chap. And you know, I'd say things like that to him, you know, that every cloud has a silver lining. And he was quite funny because he goes, Oh, I know what you're gonna say next to me. Uh there's plenty more fish in the sea. And he goes, Don't say that to me.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

It's like, no, I'll stop there. I'll stop there. I think what you're doing there is really giving him a gift because so often we think the thing is to avoid, you know, it's to have the blue skies, it's to have the happy moments. And we just search for, you know, joy and like to perceive positive things in our lives. And if we're able to go through periods of heartbreak, we can learn that like so much about ourselves, about what we're looking for, about knowing that those more difficult emotions, we can get through them and they're okay. And that we need the clouds too. Like not just the silver linings, but we need the clouds too. And I think that's such an important thing to realize so early on, because I think for much of my life, certainly at the beginning of it, I didn't understand that. I thought that what I was trying to do would be to craft this really lovely narrative. And my story would be one of, you know, what do they call it? Like the inciting incidents. There would be that one difficult moment, and then I'd be through it rather than realizing there'd be multiple moments like you talked about. And that was the story. That was enough of the story. And it makes me think about how you work in your practice with journaling and emotion, because my understanding of you is that everything is welcome. All the feelings are welcome, and all of them have a purpose and they all contribute to something in our lives.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Oh, totally. When I'm holding space in the journal workshops, whether that's in person or online, it's it's a privilege that, you know, other women can feel that they can share whatever they're going through. And, you know, there might be a first-timer on the type of journaling that I'm teaching. And there's always some pushback sometimes. But I think the important thing is that we are human beings, you know, we're not human doings where we're, you know, where's the being has got lost over the years of we must try to be a success and you know, be the best at everything that we are in are responsible for and wearing many hats all the time. I when I started the journaling, and I've been a diary keeper for years, but never really found the true calling of it, that it was almost like, I think I know why I'm going through what I'm going through. And I know it's a bit of a cliche. It's like, it's not that I want to be able to share my story, it's more that I identify with so many different types of women, and they can be very quiet and shy, not even have said a word. And I am almost telepathic and I can pick up what she's actually going through. So, you know, sometimes when you go into a new space, say it could have been one of my day retreats, and some women can walk in and they will congregate and they will already be happy to introduce themselves, or uh, you know, there'll probably be a quirk that they got lost or they've forgotten something. And, you know, there's that nervous energy that becomes quite comedic. But then there's always someone that's kind of bashful or not quite placed. And, you know, it comes with so much from our childhood, being in school, you know, having to find our way, whether we've left a corporate job and started a new business, you know, all the feelings. And I just know that I can connect with that woman one way or another to make her feel at ease, to welcome her in without it being showy or that this lady, you know, is shy or nervous or upset or emotional because again, we don't know, you know, what she's left behind when she's come on one of these workshops or retreats. So yeah, I'm very empathetic, I suppose, you know. I I and I don't, and I felt all those feelings, and I I just think, you know, I don't want a woman to go through those vulnerable times. And there's a lot of them that I felt are in my head. I've got such a busy mind, you know, I I feel deep, I go deep, and it's exhausting. And sometimes I don't know where it's come from, and it's been there all my life. And so I just am able to quietly tiptoe around things and just make sure that whatever she brought with her that day, that hour, however she's feeling, I have promised myself she will leave happier, she will leave lighter, there will be something, an idea, a moment, a new person she's made friends with. She will be able to take something away. That that is the most important thing for me. And it's not, it's not, I don't really share it much. I certainly don't market it like that. It's just a feeling I have. Yeah, and I know I don't know how else to be. It's it's it's what what I'm here for, and I thrive off it.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

When did you first realize that that was your calling?

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Good question. I I think when I started my retreats business back in 2017, I had been seeking it. I'd been searching because I'd fallen into the media. I had a very successful career in the commercial department of radio. I had a lot of opportunities and I worked with some astounding creatives. And I cut my teeth on a lot of of things in the commercial scene. Um I could write a book about that, 10 years, um, about the things that went on that you think, gosh, I was paid to party in a way, you know, it was just an element of of high flying fun. And it doesn't happen anymore, I don't think, in the media. I I definitely think it was the heyday. And but I was anxious every day doing that job, you know, I was very good at it, but I I really didn't understand why I was in that role. But other people saw something in me. So I, you know, and I obviously was doing well because I was I was achieving things that were proving that, you know, she's she's really good at this. And I think they wanted me to keep going and going, but I felt out of place when I got to a certain point of my career. And I given everything I could give at that moment in time, and I felt a bit like a fraud then. You know, it was like I was dancing to the tune of whatever that corporation wanted from me. I wasn't comfortable. I think that whole searching, you know, what am I meant to be? You know, what will I do when I eventually grow up? And bearing in mind, I was in my 30s then. It was an uncomfortable place to be because I was never quite content or satisfied because I wasn't living true to what was deep down my values. So yeah, it was through trial and error of trying different careers. Because from radio, I went into a press office for sport, then I got into newspapers, then magazines, then I ran my own magazine. And when I was finding that a lot of women their own businesses were being sold badly, sponsorship and advertising. And that was the backbone of a magazine, a little local magazine, that I was distraught. So I set up a little agency to try and help these women understand that they didn't have to have all the right answers and that there was ways that they could promote their businesses without even spending any money. And that that was so complementary to the magazine that I was rather than just looking for advertisers and sponsors, I was looking for columnists and opinion pieces and photographers and local creatives that maybe wanted to design the cover. So, you know, that that was then me stepping into more of a caring, nurturing, holding space for business women. But again, that was a time in my life. I've I've been divorced twice, but I'm a happy divorcee with a very well-blended family. That we're all like the Waltons. So my first ex-husband, my second ex-husband, my my partner, we all get along wonderfully and we'll hang out together. The kids, we have this running joke that my kids will go. I've spoken to the three guys about this. So I think I know what I'm doing. But I, you know, I didn't want to bother you. And I'm like, okay, you're leaving every you're leaving the last bit to mum, and it's already been decided what's, you know, should you be buying this car or whatever. I digress then onto, you know, the things that I went through while I was going in between different media channels was being resilient and and finding a path that I was slowly but surely getting to to something that I couldn't help but do because I I think I'd exhausted everything. And I the the start of the retreats business started because I couldn't find a retreat for myself. I just, I was just, and that was 2017. A lot has changed now. We're awash with so many wonderful places to visit, to things to do, people to entertain, venues to fall in love with. It's been a joy to watch actually how the retreats industry has evolved. But back then it was a case of survival. I just needed to change text. I couldn't, I couldn't be nothing more than what I wanted to do, as you know, when they say do what you love. And I loved hosting and I loved being around women. And so because I couldn't find a retreat, I created one.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

How did you know when to keep going with something and when to let it go? Because it sounds like when you left your first career, that there was a real sense of like exploration and experimentation. How did you know the pieces that you wanted to nurture and that they would start to work for you?

SPEAKER_00 19:55

I can't pretend. So, you know, what I what you see is what you get. And so when I was uncomfortable in a role or a a relationship or a house, I'd be like, it's this has got to change. And I'm it's quite looking back, it's quite shocking the how how quickly I can, you know, jump from one thing into another. It's it's almost like I'm I'm no longer this, but I was very much a risk taker. I I felt it, you know, my whole being felt something that I needed to be a part of. Looking back in hindsight, you'd be like, God, you didn't really do your due diligence there. There were times when I took the wrong road. I was so lost, didn't really have or a direction, but it was just, I've got to leave this. So I've got to do something else. So that was the, you know, it was a quite a really visceral. It was visceral. It was just, you know, shredding a skin. Um and looking back now, even going, you know, had to pivot the biv business going through the pandemic. I'd got to the pandemic and I thought, all right then, this is this is my my clean slate, fresh start, off we go again. And it was like put my little rucksack on, here we go. What what the head, you know? So yeah, I think uh I don't know. I'm I don't worry too much about what's going to fail or break or challenge me anymore. One, my m being midlife, you you just get to that point where you're just like, you know, I've seen it all. I got the t-shirt, you know, yes, let's, you know, let's get on with it. Um, and it I find it more exhilarating now because I get bored easily and I don't want I don't want to be doing the same thing for 20 odd years. You know, I want variety. And that is what makes you an interesting person with so many stories. And even what with the retreats, what goes on behind the scenes, you know, half I'm like, it's like if the walls could talk, it's hilarious sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

There was a moment that you did your first retreat, and there was something about that that you really liked. There was something about holding space for people. What do you like about holding space for people?

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Well, it's because I'm so nosy and I'm curious about people, you know. I I want to know who are you, where you're from, why are you here, what you do, and why'd you do it? And warts and all, you know, I really could sit with someone and be like, just put it out on the table. Let's show all our cards. You know, don't hold back. And nothing really shocks me. And I'm fascinated by the women who are quite guarded to begin with. But when you give them that moment to just let it all out, even they surprise themselves. Because what we're trying to do is just look back and look at what you've, you know, what you've gone through. It's not not not achievements, but you know, the strength of character women have it blows my mind. But we're always on to the next thing. We've got a list of to-dos that's just longer than our arm. And you you no one's asking you, oh, did you reflect on last year? Did you did you really, really think, blind me? I've come through it. And fair play, that's resilience. So yeah, I just, you know, but I'm a swan, you know, it's like on the surface. I'm being gracious and I've got my all my shit together, but you know, every retreat, doesn't matter how many I've done, I'm still, you know, on tender hooks going, is it gonna go smoothly? Is the cater fine? Is the venue okay? Nob's got lost, there's not been an accident, you know, is all going through my mind. So yes, I it's not so much I because some people, you know, say when they've done an event, gone glad it's over. I know I'm never that at that place. I'm it's halfway through when people are all sat down and they've met everyone, and you know, there's a bit of chess cheddar, and that's when that moment for me is like, yeah, I've pulled it off again. It's great.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

How much are you in the room? Like, how much are you do you feel like you're you're orchestrating, you're creating the environment, you are facilitating moments. And how much do you like back away and you allow whatever happens to happen?

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Well, that's a really good question, Claire, because it depends if I'm collaborating with someone. So if it's a writer or a you know, a creative who's who's really delivering some interesting mastermind or workshops, you know, I am like this fairy in the background, just making sure that everything goes seamless. The one guest said that the cup of tea just arrives at the right time. She just felt like I could just do without something to quench my thirst, and I was there with the cup of tea. But then I'll host my own and I am doing the majority. But I enjoy the busyness. I'd much rather be hands-on, but I can also allow whoever I'm collaborating with to take center stage.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

When did the collaboration start for you with retreat? So you thought about this hype of retreat that you weren't finding. You wanted to create your own thing. What was the thing you wanted to create? And at what point did you start bringing in other people to co-create it with you?

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Well, for the first three years, I was hosting them myself. So they were always on the coast in a in a gorgeous beach house with, you know, my kind of mission was to for the itinerary not to be too full. It was less is more. So give the woman the space. She doesn't want to think, am I going to be able to attend all the activities? Am I going to be able to show up, you know, at the end of the day, if she stayed in her pajamas and wanted to go back to her room or go on a walk on her own, that is for her to decide. But she is very welcome to join the remainder of the group. So it was at the beginning, you know, I we talk about our clients, our guests as the avatar. And I was it. So I knew all the touch points. I knew exactly when she needs to be left alone. I know exactly how she wants to be greeted, what are the touch points with regard to how do you make a retreat venue feel home from home? How can she feel that as the moment she comes through the door, she can kick back and relax? So the shoes come off, the coat is hanged, she doesn't have to think. She's not having to act or put on a mask. This is her as raw and as vulnerable as she needs to be. And I nailed that very early on because I knew this is how I wanted to be treated if I was to go on a similar retreat. The three years, you know, it would it was a such a joy because it was in a a part of Wales that I have fallen in love with. I'm I'm Welsh true and fruit, was born in North, grew up in mid, live now in south, and I'm, you know, I'm I'm heavily involved in projects in West Wales. And I it's such a moving country. It's it's you know, it's the power of the land, the fabric of the mountains meeting the coast. There are no words to describe it. And I I want people from outside of Wales to experience that. And that can happen in these retreats because nature does all the talking, and you know, they can be left to daydream and let, you know, the power of the ocean do what it needs, whether they're dipping in for a sea swim or just gonna sit from the window seat and take it all in in all its weather and let every cloud have a silver lining. So it was the pandemic that really shifted things for me because obviously I couldn't meet people in person and be a host. So because I was still had my toe in the local community, I was doing online kind of workshops. So my the my brand is ease. And so I was thinking, how am I going to connect all these women to make them have a space? We're just gonna have a giggle, have a cup of tea, but all be online. So I just said, whoever's got a specialist skill or subject, maybe you're a photographer, maybe you're a writer, maybe you're a baker. And I wanted the theme to be photography with ease, writing with ease, walking with ease. And so every week, probably for about six months, I think, I would have these work, they're not workshop sessions for an hour, and you know, we'd do a bit of introductions and things like that, and then I'd give the space to the experts and I'd ask questions. And it was then that I was, you know, getting more into the literary world that I was like, gosh, I would love to host retreats with some of these experts, some of these creatives and writers. And that's where it all started. So I just slid into a few people's DMs, some authors, and I was honored that some of them said yes. And then I started when we could go back out into the world, we hosted um memoir with ease, creative or blocking with ease, and it just evolved, you know. It was uh it was uh serendipitous.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

Yeah, and how do you find that writing piece supporting the women that arrive at your retreats? So if they do arrive overwhelmed or introverted or vulnerable or just it's all too much, how do you find that creative piece supports them?

SPEAKER_00 29:43

I think it it's a surprise to them to begin with, because they're they're not sure how the pen is going to do the work for them. You know, they don't they they they they need permission because they're so a lot of them are editing and judging themselves for what's coming, for what's writing. So I think I've always said be as scrappy as possible. Try and not make sense on the page, you know, and even if it's a word, you don't have to write a sentence. And then as they go on and they meet these experts that I've collaborated with, you know, it takes them to somewhere quite magical. They're unlocking things that have been so hidden and suppressed for so many years that it's liberating for them. That's probably that's probably what a lot of the guests will say. It's life-changing, it's profound. Yeah, and I've I've not yet met anyone who's regretted, you know, never come away and thought, blime, why have I waited so long to do this?

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Why did you then shift to bibliotherapy? So I'm thinking about your you there's so much about writing and journaling and getting things onto the page. When was that shift towards bibliotherapy for you?

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Well, I have always had a an addiction to magazines. When I was still I would buy probably six different magazines every time they came out every month. And mine, my mum would say, I'm no wonder you're skint, you know, look at and she would, and they would stack up and stack up and stack up. And I would just, you know, that moment of opening a new magazine and reading the articles, I just I it was just such a a luxury for me. And I I would love it. And I would keep them all. And when the new magazine would come and be launched, I'd be like, oh my gosh, you know, I've got to, you know, and I'd write to the editor. So I was a real magazine junkie. And then when I started doing these retreats with writers, I fell in love with memoir. And again, because I'm fascinated with people's lives. And then that would lead on to more books. And it was interesting that I never read as a child. I would because I couldn't sit. Oh, that surprises me. Okay. Yeah. I just you you know, and I'm playing catch up. And my mum and I have had quite a conversation about this because she was my English teacher. And so I'd even struggle in class when we were reading books at GCSE. I was fine when we were acting out the book, like role play, but the reading I really struggled with. And I know I've got end diagnosed ADHD, and I just I just couldn't sit with it. But I don't think I'd found the book that suited me. And now, you know, how look how many more many more genres there are, you know. I and I've had a bricks and mortar business before, and I promised myself I'd never do it again. But if I could, I would love a bookshop by the sea with a little cafe. But I know I couldn't do it because I can't be in one place all the time, you know. And I think we get mixed up with joy of going into bookshops and the thought that this is, you know, this would be my life. This this might would be my favorite job. And I'm like, I'm not sure. But I I mean, I've met so many lovely booksellers and they're they're they're brilliant at what they do that I've just got to have a word with myself sometimes and say, yeah, as much as you love it because you love going in and being immersed with all these books, just don't, whatever you do, go and open a bookshop.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

I had the same thing with co-working spaces. I love going to them. And I thought that I should run one. And I set up one with some friends in this little town that I used to live in. And my realization with the bricks and water is you have to show up at certain times each day, and you have to be in a space. And I had the same that I couldn't be beholden to one place. I really struggled with it. And I love what was created there. I just hated that it had to be located somewhere in the same way. So I get that disconnect.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Yeah, you know, being restricted in anything is can be suffocating.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

I'm wondering what the difference is between recommending a book to a friend and bibliotherapy, which has this sort of prescriptive quality to it. How do you approach recommending a book in that context?

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Well, my my friends are probably bored because I'm always wondering if we're messaging about something, whether I've always got on, and by the way, before you go, you must read this book. And that's, you know, it's like, we're not all book poems. And I'm like, no, but I think this one is perfect for you, and it will change your life. And of course, you know, Tony Jones and I doing the Bibliotherapist podcast, you know, it it's such a joy to be able to, you know, have the excuse that we've got to go and read that book or find that book, or and then we get to speak to the author. And, you know, we're very fixated on it being writers or substacks. So for anybody to come on to the podcast, they they really have to have a substack live, not live as in the interview, live there writing. But yes, they again, it's what I've experienced, the fact that I didn't read as a child and I'm catching up on reading, and I don't think there's enough years ahead of me that I'll be able to read the books that are on my TBR. I'll probably die with a journal, a pen, and a book with me. I'm I'm just everywhere I go, I've got a bag a bag of books. Or now there's probably two stacks. I anybody I meet, it could be my dad who's like 78, you know, what are you reading? Have you thought about this one? I look there. I just and and what a what a conversation starter.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

My daughter has this thing, she's 11 years old, and she came to me the other day. She's been watching like book talks, like all the and making her list of books that she wants to read. And she came to me and she said, I think I'm experiencing book grief. And it's grief for all the books that I know I will never read.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

And so it's so that feeling is it's probably gonna be there anyway, whether you're just starting out in your reading life or you are midlife and figuring that out. But I was wondering too, like I'm someone who I did a literature degree, I've read all my life, I identify as a reader, and I find that I am not reading anymore. I find that that pile by my bed, I still buy books, that pile gets bigger, and my relationship to reading has shifted. And I'm wondering whether you have found that too, that your relationship or you're seeing around you that the relationship to reading is shifted. And we are feeling a loss of reading rather than a joy in reading.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

Well, I ran a digital detox retreat, and that was one of the reasons that it's if you can leave your phone in the car, it has to be out of the house, really, I believe. Because I think even today, like with magazines, books have got these links. So you're reading something and it will go, and so and so, so-and-so recommends da-da-da-da. So the immediacy of going, I've got to find that woman, has she got a book as well? And what what was going on in her life? So we're we're, you know, it's like information overload, even when you're reading. So I just a great believer in that, you know, try and get to reading before bed and that your phone isn't here in the room with you, it's in the kitchen charging. It's unfortunately our digital devices have crept into our life and it's out of control. So I always look at what would you rather be in control of? You know, you already can't read enough books, you haven't got enough years. Have you read the book 4,000 weeks by Oliver Berkman? Don't you guys edit them? But it is brilliant. It's just it's because you what did you find uh anxiety? How you know when he asked that question, how many weeks are you alive? Because it's you know, when we say we're 80 years old, that that seems like a long time. But when you say 4,000 weeks, and uh if I was to live to 102, you know, I'm confronting to 4,000 weeks to, you know, even the wood the the the number two, it's like what so yeah. The phone to me, honestly, if we could go back to the era of before phones, I think, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

Is that why you so I've noticed that you're doing more that's sort of in the analog space? And you started something called the Pen Pal Club, and there's something that feels kind of rebellious about that, and that I remember having French penpils and just there's something very human about it and very nostalgic about it. And what is that experience for you of connecting people offline and to kind of doing it online, like you do this club over Substack, but connecting people offline and getting back to pen polls and ink and paper and letters?

SPEAKER_00 39:11

Well, the my other vice is stationary. So, you know, when I'm teaching journaling, I I do um encourage my students to invest in a nice pen and nice paper, as you would if you maybe started a new yoga class, you'd maybe want to have really comfortable leggings, you know. But it you can do it without spending money. But I the tool, the the pen that I use is what I call a press writing pen. So the the ink just flows, and I love my handwriting. I've always been a lover of handwriting. And so when I decided on my word for 2026 was going to be analog, I I was like, and I'd found the book The Corresponder by Virginia Evans. I was like, oh my gosh, we've I've got to pull together some people because we, you know, there are people in my group in my contacts and my network and my community that love letter writing. And we did it in the pandemic. And why have we forgotten it? Why have we gone back to normal? But what happened? I had a gentleman join one of my workshop series, and it's usually all women, and he was, I think he's 77 in America. He's a war veteran from Vietnam. He then was a firefighter, had to they forced him to retire the third time because he didn't want to give up. And he used to write a diary when he was uh in Vietnam and he'd lost his way in writing, mainly because he thought he couldn't understand his writing. After his journaling series, which he loved, he was like, Oh, what am I gonna do now? And I said, Well, why don't we become pen pals? And so after two years, myself and Toby have been pen pals, him writing to me from North Carolina about what he does with his day, and me telling him more about behind the scenes or what's going on here in Wales. And he's on Substack. And uh yeah, so that was the sort of the seed that started the Pen Pal Club, and it's yeah, it's been fascinating.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

You were writing your first memoir. How is that experience of writing? Like you're shifting from reading and journaling and hosting to this whole other skill, which is writing and writing a memoir. What is that experience like for you?

SPEAKER_00 41:24

I have always wanted to write, but again, you know, as like I was with my reading, I wasn't, you know, very good at reading or writing when I was young. So I'm playing catch-up on it. And I suppose I've been in the privileged position of being around people like Clover Stroud and Kathy Rensenbrink and Emma Gannon. So I've I've picked up so many top tips, but I had had so many ideas about the story, which because Clover Stroud would say a memoir is a slice of your life. So that could be 24 hours, it could be a year, it could be spanning 10 years. And I was fortunate to have the opportunity to be project managing the refurbishment of my dream house, which is happening this year. And when I was relaying the information about when I first met this house and what it means to me, because I've lived in 29 houses, never really felt the joy I feel when I'm in this beach house, and it's magnificent, you know, it's like right on the by the ocean, seven bedrooms, it's nearly 150 years old. And I was like, I've been having a long-distance love affair with this house, and she's held me, you know, and the tales that she can tell, and the storms that she's witnessed, and the people that have stayed at her abode. And so that's what I'm writing about. It's kind of like I'm writing about my skittishness of what is it? Why do I keep moving house? Why can't I settle? What's going on with the housing problems in this country? And then how much you can actually find a place of home even if you're never going to own it, and that there'd be such a relationship in being rooted somewhere and being a guardian of a house. But yeah, I struggle to sit at the desk. So I'm trying to have some accountability buddies to keep me going. But do you know what? It's not going to be, you know, I don't sit here and go, it's a my mother will be published. It's just something in me that I I owe it to this house, you know, it it needs to be written.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

Do you know what's really lovely? I have prepared five words for you just to talk about. And one of the words is belonging. And as you're talking about that, there is something so much about belonging, like to this place, to yourself, to this moment in time. So maybe we could just transition to that and start with belonging and what that does mean to you and has come to mean to you.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

It's a funny one because I can explain it better with the Welsh word that is Kinevin. And there's some words in Welsh that you cannot translate into English. And there's this sense with Kinevin, this rootedness, this calling, this belonging of knowing there is a place for you, regardless of where you're at. So you could be miles away, but there is still that anchor there for you. And it doesn't matter whether you don't see it for another 20 years, it's always going to be that special place to you. I struggled for so many years of a place of belonging because I think what happened when I was younger, we moved when I was 10, and I was six months into the last year of my primary school. And it was a really difficult period for me. Really, really struggled because I left such wonderful friends and I was part of a really lovely ballet school, which I've been part of since I was four. And it it broke me, you know. And we've moved a lot, not only as part of being with my parents, but me, myself with, you know, going through divorce and having to rent and then being kind of told you're gonna have to move out because we're selling the property. So, you know, I've lost a sense of belonging over and over again. So it's almost in a strange way the house that I'll never own feels safe to me because I won't ever be disappointed. I know I'll always have a connection to it, it's not going anywhere. And I can give it my all. It's funny, it's weird, it's hard to describe, but yeah, that that's kind of you know, I've I've got to belong within me to not feel, you know, insecure.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Yeah, it makes me think about actually what you brought with the clouds. There is something about fluidity and change that feels like the condition in which you live, in a sense. You find your anchor points within it, whether that's your position in looking at those clouds or how you notice it or how you choose to be in relationship with it. Like there is choice and agency in you, and everything else can kind of move and do what it's doing.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Yeah, and I think it's the same with the stars and the moon. I used to say to my young boys when you know they were staying with their dads that if you miss me, just look up into the sky because we're looking at the same stars and we're looking at the same moon. And that again is a sense of belonging, you know, wherever you are.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

Yes. I'd say that to my daughter too.

SPEAKER_00 46:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

Okay, ease is my second word. So what has ease come to mean to you, having done the retreats, having that been your word, and the word that has anchored those experiences? What's that word now mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 46:58

Well, it was a really interesting place to be because on certain occasions in my life I always felt diss of ease, and I didn't like it. And I was looking at the word, and when you put that together, diss and ease, it's disease. Yes. Well, it's almost like when you're disobeased, you're poorly, you're not yourself, you're not looking after, you know, the body, the mind, the soul. And so I would always think about well, what do you need to be disobeased? And I just find it being such a beautiful word to look at. I saw it in the word please. And you know, we're going back to those collaborations, I will I wanted people to gather to be a part of my community, offering whatever it was that they loved and were passionate about with ease. Um, and you know, even now I hear people saying, you know, the word easeful. Are you are you a live are you living an easeful life? You know, have you eased yourself into 2026? Um but yeah, it's you know, it the word found me rather than me trying to find a brand.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

Do you feel like you're living with ease?

SPEAKER_00 48:24

More so now than ever, yeah. It's taken a bit of a wrestle with myself, and I just have to remind myself of why I'm doing what I do. And it was why did I start the retreats business? Because I wanted to feel like that myself. I wanted to be in that environment. I wanted to be in a gorgeous beach house and or a country abode, you know, it was place yourself where you want to be, as much as there's admin and there's finances and a few elements of stress that goes into running a business like that. But I yeah, I would say I'm at most at ease now. And I think there's something to do with being midlife, nothing to prove. You know, I would, you know, I the simple things in life, I want to go graceful about whatever it is I'm putting my mind to, and and less of the hectic. I'm I'm fine, you know, it's and I don't I and and I don't know whether it's the business and the people and the women that I've been surrounded with that, you know, has has given me that, you know, it's as much as I'm I'm holding space, I owe a lot to the guests and the collaborators that I've been surrounded with these past 10 years.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

What do you think it means to you now? Let's do this as our third word, for you to be in midlife. Like, do you see midlife as an arrival? Do you see it as an endpoint? Do you see it as just the moment you're in? Like, how do you view midlife?

SPEAKER_00 49:47

The best time to be alive. I, you know, and I think a lot of midlife women may struggle with that because what comes with it are all sorts of you know, pushback and pain and irritability and confusion. But that aside, you know, it's being grateful that we're here, that we can actually look back and say, you know, we've had to, you know, bear witness to so much. You know, I mean, if someone asked me the question, you know, what decade would you love to go back to? None. You know, I've I'm I'm on this path. And I'm maybe when you ask me, well, when you're 60 or 70, and is that, you know, later on in life, I'll be quite happy and content in where I'm at. You know, I'm a great believer in bit being in the present moment. Um, so yeah, I think that because there's so much information now about menopause and you know where women have a voice or don't, but it it can pull us down too much, you know. If we give that too much space, light, voice, where do we ever draw the line to actually embrace the beauty of life and to be at ease? You know, because we we can have opinion pieces and writes about the frustrations, but I I think there's far too much information now and we're getting overwhelmed with what opinion we should have without just going, do you know what? There's only so much I can do. There's only so much I can have an opinion on it. And and if I give three or four hours of that on a news piece, you know, that what have I gained when really I could have just been sing to my daffodils in the garden?

SPEAKER_02 51:49

Okay, retreat was my next word. So retreat's an interesting one. What's that word now mean to you? Having hosted retreats, being in the retreat industry, offering women a place of retreat. What is that to you now?

SPEAKER_00 52:01

Well, it's important. It's it's funny because when you look at the word, the actual dictionary description is like we're retreating from the the front line, you know, where we're moving back, where you know, where are you going to? And a lot of the time back 20 years, retreat would have been like off grids, no other people around, you know, really kind of with basics. And I now look at the word retreat and the word within the word retreat, treat. It's for me, it's all about treating my guests, you know, they're being pampered, they're being looked after, but not overly, you know, it's not like I'm fussing, but it's like this is your moment. Indulge in whatever you want to, you know. I am here to serve you, and um, I I I will enjoy every moment.

SPEAKER_02 52:54

My last word for you kind of relates to that, which is slow. Because one of the things I imagine you do is when people arrive with you, there is an invitation to slow down, to connect with ourselves, to be with one another in a slightly different way. What does that slowing down, that word slow, mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 53:14

That's a great one because I'm I'm glad you didn't ask me what the word rest means, you know, because I've created retreats, read and rest, so that I indulge in it myself because I find it quite challenging to rest. So slow, I can't even walk slow. You know, I'm I talk about it a lot. It's it's it's in you know the ethos of everything that I offer, but I'm I I can't do slow. So I'm trying to work on it. I'm certainly not as fast as I used to be, but yeah, I'm yeah, me and Slow, we're just we're trying to have a friendship, we're trying to get on with each other, and hopefully, as time goes on, I will be described as enjoying the slower side of life.

SPEAKER_02 54:06

Why do you need to change a relationship with Slow? Because similar, I walk very quick, I talk very quick, I write very quick.

SPEAKER_00 54:13

There's something that restlessness has told me that I worry that I'm going to enjoy it too much, and then nothing's gonna get done.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

So stay in slow.

SPEAKER_00 54:24

Yeah, I'll be in slow mode and you'll be like, right, okay, there's horizontal time here. So yeah, I get I just you know, I know what you know I I love and will enjoy. So I've got to, you know, just be uh, you know, careful that I don't indulge in it too much.

SPEAKER_02 54:43

Okay, let's come back because our hour has gone like that. So your your thought, every cloud has a silver lining. How do you remember that? You said it like weaves into your days and it's just there. Like, how do you keep hold of that through all the all the different moments?

SPEAKER_00 55:00

I'm because I'm surrounded by them as you know, and I'm always trying to say to myself, you know, look up, Tanya. Just, you know, and I'm always outside with my dogs. So it I think it just hits me each day that doesn't matter whether there's just a fine strip of a stratos cloud or a massive big thunder cloud. You know, they're such companions wherever you are. And I think the silver, I love silver. Silver would be probably one of my favorite colours, so and it sparkles and it's bright and it catches you. Yeah, what's not the love about every cloud is a silver lining?

SPEAKER_02 55:39

Thank you for taking us through all these different moments of your life and how this idea weaves through that. And I feel like the space that you create for people, there's so much about just being held. And I feel like this podcast and this conversation is so much about holding the people that are listening to it as well, I hope. So thank you so much for being here. Okay, so that was my conversation with Tanya Lynch. So I'm curious whether this is a thought that you will keep, whether it's one that you will share, whether it's even one that you will forget. Every cloud has a silver lining. Maybe it is something that you will carry with you on your next dog walk, and it might be the thing that helps you look up, to notice, to stop looking down, to pay attention to really where you are and the possibilities and the glimmers in that. Maybe it's a conversation that you might share with a friend, like somebody who might be in one of those moments that ask for resilience from us, where we're thinking about like what next, and what if, and why, and how, and we have so many questions about how to move through this period, and just orientating ourselves to noticing and keeping hold of the hope might be the thing that we really need. And maybe it's something that you might even think about as you look at your to be red pile and you have that sense of, ooh, I really want to read something more, but I'm still picking up my phone. Maybe this will be the thing that you need to not pick up your phone and spend 20 gorgeous minutes just with a wonderful memoir and yourself. If you're wondering about a better way to well, then do come over to my substack, which is called More Good Days. We go deeper into the themes of these episodes, whether that's around ADHD, creativity, whether it's about midlife or relationships. And we really look at how we can hold on to the ideas that can help us with all the feelings that we have right now. If you do find yourself needing more support though, and more guidance and more of something, then come over to iflost. And how we can move through all the different feelings that we're carrying and holding, and maybe not sharing right now. Thank you as always for listening. I have an ask for you. If you do enjoy these episodes, if you do find that there's something in them that you do keep, whether it's from this episode with Tanya, whether it's from another, please do share it with one other person. We are a very, very tiny podcast, we're very, very new, and there are so many, so many out there. By you sharing it, that really helps us grow, that helps us keep making these conversations, and it also really helps us shift where we go to for advice, where we find words of hope, what we can hold on to as we move through days that are really confusing and uncertain and disconnecting sometimes. So that would be my ask to you this week. If you could share one episode with one person, I'd be really, really grateful. I will see you next time, next Monday morning, with another thought that you can keep. Hopefully it's an idea that you can try out next week. You can see if it works for you, you could add it to your note app, you could put it as a post it note on your desk and just see how you live with it. See if it offers anything to you, see if it's something that you want to carry with you, see if it's a thought that you want to keep, or whether it's something that you will forget. See you then.