The Inner Mean Girl Isn’t the Villain

That critical voice in your head might feel like the thing holding you back...

but what if she’s actually trying to protect you?

In this episode, we’re reframing the “inner mean girl” as a protective response, not a personal flaw. You’ll learn why that voice gets louder when you’re stepping into growth, and how to respond in a way that creates safety instead of shame.

We’ll walk through practical tools you can use in real time, including grounding techniques, breathwork, journaling, and how to gently replace limiting beliefs with truth. You’ll also learn how your brain’s Reticular Activating System influences what you see as “proof”... and how to shift it to support your growth.

This episode will help you move from self-criticism to self-leadership...

one compassionate choice at a time.

Be sure to join us in Rewrite Her Voice email chats to get even more support!

And if this is the kind of work you’re wanting to go deeper into, 
not just listening, but actually practicing and rewiring these patterns in your real, everyday life…

I’d love to invite you into The Rewrite Collective.

It’s a space where you’re supported as you learn how to shift these thoughts, regulate your nervous system, and truly start leading yourself with compassion instead of criticism.

You don’t have to do this alone anymore.

You can join us at loverach.com 

I’ll meet you inside.

Love, Rach

I would love to hear how your inner mean girl is showing up and what tools are working for you!

Let's connect! you can find me on Instagram or Facebook

For more information on The Rewrite Collective membership click here

Love, Rach

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome, welcome. So today let's talk about the enemy girl. You know that's what I love to talk about. That voice in your head, the one that tells you you're not doing enough, that you're behind, that you're not qualified, that you should just play it safe, that they're all judging you. Yeah, that one. Most of the time, she gets labeled and treated like the enemy. But what if she's not the villain? What if she's actually trying to protect you? Crazy thought, right? But let's reframe this for a second, okay? That voice didn't just appear out of nowhere. She was formed over time through experiences, rejection, fear, comparison, pressure. At some point in your life, thinking small, playing safe, holding back, staying invisible actually protected you. It kept you from embarrassment, from failure, from being seen, and possibly judged. So your brain, being incredibly efficient, kept that pattern. And now, now every time you start to grow, every time you expand, every time you step into something new, she gets louder. Not because you're doing something wrong, but because your nervous system is interpreting expansion as risk. So instead of listening to the bullying, try this. Try asking, what is she trying to protect me from right now? This moment, this very second. What is she trying to protect me from? That question alone shifts everything. Because now, instead of shame, there's curiosity. Instead of fighting yourself, you're understanding yourself. Here's the crazy part: you don't silence that voice by attacking, you actually soften it by meeting it with compassion. The goal is to soften the voice. We don't want to silence her. She has a job to do. She's very important. And when we meet her with compassion and curiosity, that's the ultimate game changer. So what do we do when she shows up? Let's walk through this practically, okay? First things first, I want you to ground your body. When that voice gets loud, your body often goes into a subtle stress response. And sometimes maybe it's not so subtle. So pause. Take a beat, take a breath. Put your feet on the ground. If you can put them on grass, dirt, sand, even better. Take a slow breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. And do that a few times. By doing this, you're telling your body, I'm safe. Because if your body feels safe, your mind will follow. Next, acknowledge her, not by agreeing with her, okay? We aren't going to agree with the mean, nasty things that she says. That's not what we're here to do. But we want to recognize her. You might try saying something like, I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to keep me safe. You could even try something like, Hey there, my friend. Thanks for being here. Thanks for helping me stay safe. That alone can reduce the intensity. Because now you're not in a fight with yourself. Then get it out of your head and onto paper. It can be literal paper or it can be digital paper. Does not matter. Journaling is super powerful here. Write down exactly what she's saying. Don't filter it, don't make it pretty, don't try to explain it away, don't try to rationalize it. Just write down exactly what she's saying. Just let it all out. And then we're gonna gently question it. Is this actually true? Or is this an old story? This is where we begin to swap the lie with the truth. Not toxic positivity. We're not pretending everything is perfect, but we're choosing something that is grounded and real. For example, the lie might be I'm not good enough to do this. The truth might be I am learning, growing, and capable of figuring this out. Because ultimately everything is figure outable, right? Do you feel the difference? One shuts you down, and the other allows movement. The I'm not good enough to do this is period end of discussion. You're not good enough. But the I am learning, I am growing, I am capable, that allows you to move, that allows you to shift, that allows you to continue doing what you're doing. That ing on the end of those verbs that puts it into the present tense. That says, we are doing something. We are learning something, we are growing in something, we are figuring this out. And here's something really important to understand. Your brain is wired to look for evidence that supports what you already believe. That is called your reticular activating system. And it's basically a filter. So if your inner voice is saying, see, you're not good enough, your brain will literally scan your life for proof of that. But if you intentionally shift the narrative, even slightly, your brain will begin looking for new evidence. Looking for proof that you are growing, proof that you are capable, proof that things are working. It may not happen instantly, but with practice and over time, you will see that shift. So after you identify the truth, ask yourself, where can I already see this in my life? Train your brain to notice it. Because what you focus on expands. Now, finally, the last step is to reflect with compassion. We're not talking about rumination here. We're not talking about obsessively contemplating how epically of a failure we are. Okay, we're not doing that. No. We are reflecting in a gentle and compassionate way. Not a why am I struggling with this? But uh, wow, look how aware I am now. Finding the patterns, fantastic. That's what we want, right? Or look how I didn't spiral as long this time. Look how I chose differently, even in a small way. We want to celebrate the win. Sometimes it even helps if we talk to ourselves like a toddler, proud of their artwork. Even if you can't tell what the picture is, you're like, wow, that's so beautiful. I love it so much. Let's put it on the fridge. So, guess what? When you do something, even if you see it as minute, wow, that's so great. Look at how much you've done. Look at how far you've come, look at how much you've changed. It's okay to talk to yourself like a toddler. Sometimes we need that kind of love. Growth isn't about perfection here, it's about awareness and gentle redirection. So the next time that inner voice gets loud, I want you to remember this. She's not your enemy. She's part of you that learned how to protect you and just hasn't realized yet that you've grown. So instead of pushing her away, you get her to lead you. You get her to lead you with truth, with compassion, with intention. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. There is nothing to fix. You are becoming. And every single time you choose understanding over shame, you rewrite that voice. And if this is the kind of work you're wanting to go deeper into, not just listening, but actually practicing and rewiring these patterns in your real everyday life, I'd love to invite you into the Rewrite Her Voice Collective. It's a space where you're supported as you learn how to shift these thoughts, regulate your nervous system, and start leading yourself with compassion instead of criticism. You don't have to do this alone anymore. You can join us at www.loverache.com and you can also jump in our email chats if you're not in there yet at that same website. I'll put that in the show notes for you. Okay, my friend, I'll meet you inside of the collective and inside our email chats. Remember this you are enough. You are worthy, and you are so immensely loved. Until the next time, Love Reach.