Ep 37 - Joy in the Trenches: Why the Small Still Matters When the Big Feels Heavy

What if resilience isn’t about ignoring what’s hard… but learning how to hold both grief and joy at the same time?

In this solo episode of Rewired, Tiffany Grimes reflects on a powerful moment from Trevor Noah’s Netflix special Joy in the Trenches that stopped her mid-workout:

“Just because the big is happening doesn’t mean that the small stops.”

From there, Tiffany explores the neuroscience behind negativity bias, nervous system regulation, emotional resilience, and why intentionally noticing moments of joy, beauty, connection, and meaning is not denial—it’s part of how we stay human during difficult times.

This episode is a reminder that:

• joy and pain can coexist
• your brain naturally scans for danger
• attention shapes neural wiring
• small moments matter more than we think
• resilience is built in the everyday moments we choose to notice

If the world has felt heavy lately, this conversation offers a grounded, neuroscience-informed invitation back to presence, hope, and the small moments that make life meaningful.

Because the small never stopped.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Welcome to Rewired. I'm your host, Tiffany Grimes with Empower Coaching and Training. Before we jump into today's episode, I want to tell you some exciting things. One, I want to say congratulations to our current round of graduates from our Empower Coach Training Academy. These folks have worked hard for six months. This is an ICF ACC aligned accredited program. We are embedded within Oregon State University's PACE program, and they have worked their buns off for six months learning brain-based coaching in an ICF OSU pathway. So congratulations to our cohort that is currently graduating. We have another cohort that is halfway through, and we are recruiting for our fall cohort, which starts October 1st. So if you are interested in becoming a professional certified ICF aligned coach backed by Oregon State University's PACE program, come check us out. You can find it at Yes Empower, and of course, we'll put the link in the show notes. Congratulations to all of you. I'm so stoked for you and proud of you. We'll be having our graduation on Friday. We're a fully virtual program, so it's a fully virtual graduation, and we've gotten good at hosting it and having a good time in the old Zoom room there. The second thing I want to tell you about is an upcoming class that we are offering. This is a free workshop. Every Wednesday, I'm sorry, let me back that up. Every month, the third Wednesday of every month, we offer something called the mastermind class. So this month it will be May 20th. So hopefully you get to listen to this before that date. The masterclass is, again, it's a free offering. We have it's a 30-minute kind of little bit of facilitation, a little bit of teaching, blended all together based in neuroscience-based mindfulness techniques. So it's really for our own growth as human beings and also as coaches, leaders, parents, human beings, really how to hold space and work with others. And they might even be skills and processes that you're bringing to those that you're serving and leading. So this month's focus will be on what our last solo episode was about, which is that identity gap that we talked about. So thinking about how many of us are doing this internal deep work, we're growing, we're learning, we're healing, we're changing our perspectives, we're becoming more curious and aware of our patterns. But sometimes when we walk back into familiar relationships or familiar roles or environments, our old ways of being continue to show up even when we don't want it to. And we've worked really hard not to. And so we're going to really think about that through the lens of neuroscience and through the lens of coaching and practice a tool that we rolled out in the podcast, but I'll be guiding you through it in real time in this mindful masterclass on May 20th from 8 to 8:30 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. I will put the link for the Zoom access in the show notes. So the link will take you to our website, which has you fill out a quick little form and you can download the calendar invite or just get the Zoom link and join us that way. So I hope to see you there. And let's jump into today's episode. Hello, listeners. I'm wondering if from the name of today's episode, Joy in the Trenches, Why the Small Still Matters When the Big Feels Heavy, you were thinking about Trevor Noah because that's what this is influenced by, I shall say. I was working out the other night and doing what I always do, which is pairing movement with TV time. And I was watching Trevor Noah's newest, latest Netflix special called Join the Trenches. And if you haven't watched it and you enjoy uh Trevor Noah and stand-up comedy, I really recommend it. It was just meaningful. It was very funny and also had some moments that really surprised me. And he said something that stopped me, not metaphorically, but literally, I stopped moving, I stopped working out, and I sat down on the couch because something in me recognized truth before my brain had even really processed it. He said, just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops. Just because the big is happening doesn't mean the small stops. And it was just wow for me because it was part of this whole story he was saying. And it captured this feeling that I've had so much really over the last few years. I felt it in my body because isn't that the tension so many of us are living in right now? The world feels heavy. The world is heavy. There is so much uncertainty. There's grief, there's division, there's stress, there's fear, there's pressure. The big is happening. And yet, someone still falls in love and a child still laughs. And my cucumber seeds are coming out of this wet, warm earth and bursting into green life. Coffee still tastes so flipping good every single morning. My dog still greets me at the door. Perhaps yours does. Mine has a shoe in his mouth, and then he tries to kill it every time he eats lunch or dinner. A friend still texts you something hilarious. My partner does this all of the time. You still have a sunset that just takes your breath away, or a full moon that stops you once you've turned the lights off. The small never stopped. And I think sometimes we almost feel guilty for noticing it. Like joy is somehow inappropriate when the world hurts. But neuroscience and honestly, humanity tells us the opposite. Joy is not denial, joy is regulation. And I've done a podcast, probably several, with this type of theme weaved through it. But it's because I continue to come back to it so often, I struggle with this because I can easily go into the big, into the big and have all of the feelings that are attached to the big. They're evidence-based tools that really help us hold the tension of the big and the small and our ability to stay present in what is. Noah talks a little bit about this conundrum about just because the big things are happening doesn't mean the small things stop and really ask questions like how much of the big do we focus on? How much of the small do we pay any heed? You know, kind of balancing these things. He then gives examples of someone celebrating graduation with straight A's, and they did this post online, and people just kind of attacked this person because, you know, how could you be celebrating amongst war and, you know, and all that is happening, all of the pain. And, you know, he says one person is asking, like, how could you celebrate when the world is falling apart? And another one's saying, you know, I've worked my whole life for this moment right here. And what he lands on is really this deeper point, which I loved. Life is always holding grief and joy at the same time. So we can just let go of the or. And that that's what I kind of walked away with. It's grief and joy, and it's always present for us. People still laugh, we fall in love, we connect even during hardships. He lands on this particular statement that I found especially powerful, which is that you don't fight to fight. You're fighting to live. You're fighting to live in these small moments. I know for myself when I've been on a plane and there's turbulence and I'm kind of freaking out in my head, like all I want are the beautiful flowers in my backyard, and to walk through my front door and to be greeted by those same dogs with the same shoes, right? We're fighting to live in these moments. So if we are postponing those because of the big things, we're missing so much of life really and what we value so very much. So let's take this idea just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops. Let's kind of bathe this in neuroscience a little bit because right after I watched this the next morning, I got up and I went to work. My work, which is like, let me understand this a little bit more. It so resonates with me, it's so present for me, that tension. And so I want to keep understanding it more deeply. Our brains are naturally wired with something called negativity bias. If you've been in any of my workshops, you've heard me talk about this. From a survival standpoint, your brain is designed to scan for danger first. So threat first, problems first. Why? Because ancient humans who ignored danger really aren't in our bloodline anymore, right? They ignored danger and they didn't survive long enough to pass on their genes. Your brain is not designed primarily to make you peaceful, it's designed to keep you alive. And that means your nervous system can become incredibly efficient at tracking things like what's wrong, what's unsafe, what's uncertain, what could go bad, especially during stressful seasons or years as it feels like it has been. Researchers like Rick Hansen often describe the brain as being like velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. So, you know, I grew up in the 80s and 90s where Teflon was on every pan that my parents had. And so I knew things could just slide right off of that. Nothing stuck, right? And so the positive ones, we can easily just deflect those and forget about those, and we focus and stick to the negative ones. I do this almost every time I give a presentation. My first thought are about the things I didn't do right when for four hours I did a whole bunch right. And so I have to go back and do the work and rework how I think about this. Negative experiences stick quickly. Positive experiences, we barely let them land before we are on. And here is what's fascinating about that. Research in positive neuroplasticity shows that intentionally noticing moments of safety, of joy, of gratitude, awe, connection, or meaning actually changes neural wiring over time. And we do a version of this that's kind of influenced by some of Rick Hansen's work that we call Tilt. And maybe I'll see if I can put a link into it or email me if you want some information on that. It's a 15 to 30 second practice that we can do multiple times throughout the day. So we're we're doing this neuroplasticity. We're practicing building new brain pathways, and we're doing it by noticing again the this kind of list of things I just mentioned. It doesn't have to be grand, magnificent things. It's like right now I have ease in my system. Right now I have enough food, right? It can be, and it can be the Grand Canyon, like it can be everything in between. So what we're doing is practicing that, not because life becomes perfect, but because your brain becomes more flexible, right? It's not about toxic positivity, only noticing the positive things. It's about we're learning how to help our brain not just focus on the negative. Instead, we're training it to be more flexible, more resilient, more capable of holding dual realities. And that's the key. Mature emotional health is not I only feel joy. That's you know, that toxic positivity. It's I can hold grief and joy at the same time. I can hold grief and joy at the same time because life is made up of a blend of that. That's integration, it's resiliency, that's nervous system flexibility. I think what Trevor Noah captured so beautifully is that humans were never meant to wait for all the suffering to disappear before allowing themselves to live. Think about that. If we are postponing joy until we get it right as humans, brothers and sisters, we don't be waiting a long time, right? It hasn't happened yet. So if that were true, no one throughout history would have ever danced or celebrated or created art or fallen in love or taken grand adventures. Humans have always found joy in the trenches. We have to, not because they were ignoring reality, but because joy reminds us what we're fighting for. That line hit me deeply. You don't just fight to fight, you're fighting to live. Yes, exactly that. Because if we lose our ability to notice beauty, connection, hope, love, laughter, then survival becomes mechanical instead of meaningful. And there's another layer to this neurologically. Your attention shapes your experience. So we're talking about the reticular activating system, not fully, not magically, not in a toxic positivity kind of way again, but attentional focus matters. The brain strengthens what it repeatedly notices. Again, we've we mentioned that a lot. Neurons that fire together, wire together, as the saying goes. So if your brain only rehearses fear and outrage and stress and overwhelm over and over and over again, then those pathways are strengthening. And our pathways to joy and calm and connection and resiliency are then not getting strengthened if we only practice the other. If we were practicing calm, connection, beauty, meaning, laughter, you are literally helping your nervous system remember danger exists and so does safety. Pain exists and so does joy. Hard exists, but so does beautiful. Hate exists and so does love. This is rewiring. We replace the or with and. And listen, I think some of us, including myself, need permission right now, today, in this very heavy world. Permission to laugh again, permission to celebrate, to rest, to enjoy the silliness of your family, to experience peace without feeling like you're betraying awareness. The small matters too. We fight to live. It always matters. The small is where life actually happens, not just in the headlines, not just in the crisis, not just in the chaos, but in dinner tables and walks outside and music and friendship and workouts and conversations and hugs if you're into that kind of thing. Tiny moments of present presence, my beautiful little cucumber seedlings. The small is not insignificant, the small is life. So let me leave you with a few practical ways to live into this right now. And as always, we'll put a summary in the description in the show notes so that you can check it out later if you want to do this work. So we're gonna start with practicing the micro noticing. Your brain misses thousands of good moments every single day because it's scanning for threat. So notice the micro beauty, notice the things, slow down long enough to actually notice the warmth of your coffee, the child's laugh, the sky, music, comfort, ease, connection, laughter, whatever that is. Slow down and notice these. We are missing thousands of good moments every single day. Two, let good moments last longer. Research suggests lingering in positive experiences for even 50 to 15 to 30 seconds helps encode them more deeply into memory and neural networks. Most of us rush past the joy. It might feel unsafe, it might feel not important. So pause in it instead for 15 seconds. People, you have time. Stop treating joy like irresponsibility. That's number three. You are allowed to experience goodness while hard things exist. Both can be true, both are true. Fourth, remember that nervous systems need recovery. You cannot live in constant outrage, fear, or vigilance without consequences. These are stress-related diseases that we're talking about. Not to mention the cause, you know, the impact it has on relationships, creativity, and so forth. Rest is not weakness, joy is not avoidance, laughter is not denial. They are part of sustainability. Our training ourselves, our practice to be able to go into these things allows us to fight a better fight in the big things. Five and last is ask yourself daily what small things still exist today that reminds me life is worth living? I want you just to let your mind wander right now. List 10 things. One if that's all you can, but ten if you're going in. See if you can. What small thing or things exist today that remind me life is worth living. Worth living. That question alone can begin shifting attentional patterns in the brain. Notice it immediately you start to scan differently than when we're scanning for threat. Thank you for being here for another episode of Rewire. If this resonated with you or you feel like you want to do some deeper work, let's team up. So, one, if it resonated with you, be on our team. Share it with someone who might need the reminder that joy and hardship can coexist. If you want to do some deeper work on creating the space for these coexisting emotions and experiences, the big things and the small things, please connect with us. We have some amazing coaches. I have one coaching spot available right now, and then we have a team of amazing coaches. We are all ICF certified and well experienced and trained in the world of coaching. Thanks for joining me today, folks. I do want to let you know we have a really cool session coming up next week. So next Friday. Mikey Williams is a homeschooling mother of three, is also a wellness advocate, a deep thinker, and is really passionate about conscious living, family legacy, and personal growth. Her work is really rooted in resiliency and shaped by a desire to create the stability she once longed for. And Mikey is actively and passionately breaking generational cycles and redefining what intentional family life can look like. She's wise and emotionally intelligent and authentic and just really this refreshing voice that I can't wait to bring to you. So do make sure you tune in for next next week's podcast. If you have a listener question you'd like to send our way, please do so. We love those. You can email us at infowyesinpower.com. And of course, that'll be in the show notes. Be well, everyone. Thank you. Rewired listeners, if this episode resonated with you, I'd be so honored to stay connected. Follow the podcast at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and iHeartRadio. Share an episode with someone in your life, and leave a five-star review. It helps people access these tools and this work and grow our community. At Empower Coaching and Training, we believe that when you understand your brain, you gain the power to change your patterns, your relationships, and your life. If you're ready to go deeper, you can always learn more about coaching and resources at yesimpower.com.