Ep 39 - Is Worry Actually Helping? The Neuroscience of Overthinking

Do you ever feel like your brain won't stop scanning for what could go wrong?

Maybe it's money. Your health. Your children. Your relationships. The future. Or maybe it's the accumulation of uncertainty that keeps your mind running long after your day is done.

In this solo episode of Rewired, Tiffany explores the neuroscience of worry—why our brains are wired to anticipate danger, how worry impacts the nervous system, and the surprising difference between preparation and rumination.

Drawing from neuroscience, mindfulness, and a simple yet profound question from meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein—"Is it helpful?"—this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding worry without becoming consumed by it.

You'll learn:

• Why the brain naturally focuses on potential threats
• How worry activates the body's stress response
• The difference between productive concern and unhelpful mental looping
• Why uncertainty feels so uncomfortable to the human brain
• Four practical tools for building a healthier relationship with worry
• How to return to the present moment when your mind is racing into the future

If you've ever found yourself lying awake replaying conversations, imagining worst-case scenarios, or carrying tomorrow's problems before they arrive, this episode is for you.

Because caring deeply doesn't require suffering in advance.

Reflection Question

What worry am I carrying right now, and is it helping me respond wisely—or simply keeping me stuck?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Rewired. I'm your host, Tiffany Grimes with Empower Coaching and Training. Welcome to episode 39, everyone. This is Tiffany, CEO and founder of Empower Coaching and Training in this Rewired Podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Uh, today's a solo episode. We had a listener write in with a question, and I always love that to use that as the foundation of our solo episodes. The focuses on worry and oh, could I relate? So I'm anxious to dive into that. Before we get started, I do want to remind folks that every Friday the mindfulness broadcast happens from 8:15 to 8:30 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. And that is a free live offering. You join via Zoom. You do not ever need to have your camera on. There is no interaction. It's just a place to receive and to be present for neuroscience brain-based neural training or mindfulness. So I usually give about a five-minute kind of overview of some topic. So it might be worry, it might be self-compassion, it might be identity, and then guide you through a neuroscience-based neural training mindfulness meditation, if you will. And if that time period does not work for you, we also record them and put them on the Empower Coaching and Training YouTube channel. So you can subscribe to those so that you get those. And you can also join us live every Friday. So I'll put all that information in the link. If you are looking for the information, you can go to YesImpower, Y-E-S-E-M-P-O-W-E-R, yesimpower.com. Go over to the resource button, click on that, and you'll find the Mindful Broadcast, Mindfulness Broadcast. All right, let's get started on today's topic, which is worry, not stress, not just your typical daily anxiety, but worry. And let's dive into that and talk about it, talk about how we can build relationships with it, what it is, how it impacts us, and so forth. So the repetitive mental loop that so many of us know so intimately of worrying, it's might be future-focused thinking, the what-ifs, the mental rehearsing, the scanning for danger. This episode came from, as I mentioned, a listener question, but it also is just sitting pretty solidly in, just coming from me lately as well. So, listener, I appreciate you asking a question that resonated with me as well. So let me start with the listener question. We love these FYI. And if you are sitting with a question that you think others would love to hear the response to a neuroscience-based, brain-based coaching response to, we would love to hear from you. You can email us at info at yesimpower.com. So the listener wrote, I feel like my brain never turns off. My husband and I have been struggling financially. And even when nothing bad is actively happening, I constantly worry something is about to go wrong. I worry about money a lot. As a gay couple, I worry about our rights in this country. And then that leads me to worry about our health care and our long-term safety and what kind of future my kids are growing up in. I worry sometimes that something could happen to the people that I love. And honestly, one worry just seems to lead to another. At night, my brain replays conversations, future scenarios, worst case situations, and I can't tell the difference anymore between being responsible and just living in anxiety. How do I stop worrying all of the time? I like how you posed that. What's the difference between being responsible? Right? I'm just thinking about this so that I'm prepared for it, versus looping in it and living in anxiety. And when I read this, I thought, I just think so many people are carrying this around right now. We have our own version of it, but I think that looping worry about what is coming, what is happening, what do we do, where do we go, who is safe? I think that that is something that we're all carrying to some degree right now. Because worry rarely stays in one lane. One thought, as you mentioned, becomes another thought. And one fear opens the door to 10 more fears, like if this is true, well, then this might be true. Or if I don't know about that, then I don't know about these things. And before we know it, our nervous system is living in full-fledged futures that haven't actually happened. And honestly, as I mentioned, I know this feeling too. I worry. I am from a long line of worriers, a long line of worriers, especially on my father's side. My little granny was barely, she wasn't even five feet tall, but she was full of worry for a whole community. She had seven children. She had a challenging relationship, I would say, with her husband, and just worried, worried, worried, worried until the day that she left us. And I carry that. I worry about the people I love. I worry about my business, about the future, about getting things right. I worry about whether I'm doing enough, about the world, the animals within the environments that we're harming, the water, the butterflies. What's interesting is that worry can feel productive. It can feel responsible, like our listener mentioned. It can be, can feel like this protective layer, this armor that I am preparing myself. I want to be ready for whatever comes. Like if we think about the problem long enough and in enough detail that maybe we can prevent some pain or undesired outcome. But recently I heard a meditation teacher who I listened to through the daily meditation that I do, Joseph Goldstein. He asked this simple question when he was talking about worry, which is is it helpful? That's it. Not is it understandable? Is it justifiable? Why are you worrying so much? You have no impact on the future, right? Like none of that. Just the simple question, is it helpful? And it just sat so well with me the way that that was asked. Our brain was designed to anticipate danger. And when I say design, I should say we've evolved into these brains that are about our safety, about my safety as a human being, about my species' safety, my family's safety. That is topic number one for the brain. So, from an evolutionary standpoint, humans survived because our brains became prediction machines. Our ancestors are the humans who scanned for dangers, who anticipated threats, who remembered painful experiences, and they survived because of those things, right? There were other people who didn't scan for danger, who didn't remember the pain of drought or of you know attacks or whatever it is. And so they weren't prepared. They didn't survive. We are all here because we are of those people. Our nervous systems did not evolve for peace, it evolved for protection, which means our brains naturally, without any work of our own, prioritize uncertainty, danger, social rejection, instability, loss. This is part of what neuroscience calls negativity bias. Your brain gives more weight to potential threats because historically, missing danger carried a bigger consequence than missing joy. Right? One was like, oh, that's too bad. And one was that's the end of my genetic line. So our brains remember that and we evolve out of that, and so it carries a lot more weight and prioritization for us, those negative quote-unquote stimuli. And when we worry, the brain and body respond. So we're wired to worry. If we want to simplify it, simplify it that much. We are wired to worry, and our brain and our body respond to that. The amygdala, we've talked a whole lot about the amygdala in rewired, the brain's alarm system or sentry begins signaling possible threat. Even if, you know, okay, so we're worrying about something, that is the possible threat. So I'm thinking about a future that isn't yet happening. My body is creating a response to that as though it I'm in it. So stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline increase, the nervous system shifts into protection mode. Your body prepares as though something dangerous is happening, even when the threat exists only at 2 a.m. in your imagination or projection while you're stuck in traffic. And this is the important part, I think, for all of us to just remind ourselves of our humanity. The brain often responds similarly to an actual threat or a vividly imagined one. So when we repeatedly rehearse fearful futures, the nervous system practices the stress. And what we practice, we get good at. Worry becomes mental rehearsal for danger. So, with all of that, here's what I want to say to really clarify. Not all worry is unhealthy, some worry is informative. Again, we are here because of those predictive brains of our ancestors. Some worry is information, right? Like, ooh, I hear something, I sense something, I'm thinking about something, and that's information for something I can do. Sometimes worry says, pay attention, prepare, have the conversation, make the appointment, protect what matters. The issue isn't that worry exists, and that is really what I want to hold. Worry is a tool. The presence of worry is not the problem. The problem or the issue or the challenge is what our listener describes. It's when worry stops being information and becomes a place we live. So one leads to another, leads to another, which is minute, becomes another minute, which becomes another day, which becomes another night, which becomes another week. And we are now living and rehearsing for these futures that we are not actually currently in. And that is making our present moment more challenging for us or a worse place to be. So let's walk through the listener's example. And uh obviously, I'm going to embellish and make a few things up since all I have is what I read, but I want to kind of use that as a scenario. So imagine it's 1 a.m. You're lying awake thinking, what if we never recover financially? What if our rights are taken away? What if something happens to my kids? What if everything falls apart? Now notice those thoughts feel urgent, right? You're talking about my rights, my kids' safety, my financial stability. Those are deeply ingrained in what it means to be safe. So those messages feel very urgent. And so our bodies respond as though danger is happening right now. So I'm having that adrenaline rush, I'm having the cortisone increase, I'm having the activity in my brain move from my prefrontal cortex down into a less thinking region and more into survival response. And this is where Joseph Goldstein's question matters for me. Is this helpful? Not like, could this actually happen? So many things could happen. We don't know, especially right now. You can't make up half the things that are happening, right? So we're not going into story or looking for more things to fear, but is mentally replaying this at 1 a.m. helping me respond wisely right now? That's the question. That's a prefrontal cortex question. So being able to breathe, catch ourselves, and come into that portion of the brain that says, Hey, darling, is this helpful right now? Is this impacting the outcome? Is this helping you be prepared for how you'll greet your family tomorrow morning or what you'll be ready for in the morning? It isn't about shaming or guilting, but just really honestly assessing. Because sometimes the answer might be yes, but probably most of the time for most of us, the answer is you know, it's not right now. This isn't actually what's helping me right now. Sometimes worry is helpful if it leads to creating a plan, having an important conversation, building support, taking meaningful action, then the worry is useful. It's being a tool to lead me to a behavior or an action that is useful. Worry can lead us into unuseful behaviors and thoughts and actions. But if it's leading me towards something helpful, then yeah, this is useful for me to really think about this right now. But if the brain is simply looping the same fear repeatedly with no movement, no action, no resolution, just more worry and more things to worry about, that's no longer preparation, that's nervous system activation. I think this distinction matters deeply. The preparation asks what can I do? The rumination asks what if. The preparation creates movement, but rumination creates exhaustion. And that is what I hear in that letter from a listener is exhaustion. So maybe the listener decides, we'll review our finances this weekend. So let me pause and think about this thought. Let me practice metacognition. This thought is about our finances and the what if and the what if and the what if and the what if. So if I actually use this as a helpful cue for me, what can I do? I'll review our finances this weekend. We'll update our healthcare information, we'll connect with a supportive community. We are not the only people experiencing this. Let me go connect with others or advocates. We'll focus on what's within our control. That's preparation. But replaying the catastrophe, those catastrophic scenarios for hours at night, that's the brain seeking certainty it cannot fully obtain. It's seeking something that just simply isn't out there hiding. One of the most powerful neuroscience tools is naming what's happening. Instead of everything is falling apart, maybe we reframe it to my brain is forecasting danger right now. That may sound simple or even over-simplistic, but neurologically it matters. We name the pattern because when we name the pattern, we create a little distance from it. We're now seeing it rather than being it. We move from fusion to awareness. We are no longer inside of the fear, we are outside observing the fear with a simple statement like that. So think about how you might name the pattern. What would you call it? Some of these we have to do as it's happening because they're new, but many of our worries are old friends of ours, right? We know them, we've rehearsed them over and over. Another tool that I want to practice is thinking about how we catch ourselves in these futures that we are so vividly creating and return ourselves to the present moment. So, this is the part I think many of our nervous systems desperately need, and it's something we can do as the worry is happening. Worry almost always lives in the future. So sometimes we have to gently guide the brain back to now. Remember that future, we don't, it's out there. We have no control over that. There's so many variables. There's things we can do right now to help set ourselves up in the future, but we can't actually control the future. So we're guiding our brain back to the only place we have any power, which is right here, right now. So maybe the listener pauses and asks, what is actually true in this moment? Right now, again, I'm making stuff up, they are home. They are breathing. My family is safe. This catastrophic future is not actively happening to me right now. That does not erase uncertainty, but it helps the nervous system stop living inside imagined futures. Even if it's just for long enough just to rest, just to breathe, just to have a reprieve. Maybe you go back to sleep, which does wonders to build this healthier relationship with worry. What I want to acknowledge is something I think is really important here. Some worries are not irrational. And again, especially right now. Some fears are connected to real uncertainty, real systems, real lived experiences. The goal is not to shame ourselves for worrying, because worrying is can be a very powerful tool. And we don't have to look very far to find evidence of things we should be worrying about, right? So sometimes not worrying about them or not thinking about them feels very irresponsible. The goal is to notice when the brain moves from awareness into continuous suffering. That's where we move from this is helpful to this is harmful. I think for many of us, we learned through our family systems that worrying is proof of caring. That if we stop worrying, we'll become careless, right? If I'm not thinking about this all the time, then I'm not paying attention to it. If I'm not worrying about it, then I'm not tending to it. And then who knows what will happen. But calm and care can coexist. That was my lesson. Coming into, I would say, my 40s, calm and care can coexist. I can care deeply about my family, the state of the world, the failing political system, the all of that. I can care deeply about those and also tend to my resiliency and my calmness and my neuropathways that can exist together. And in fact, for me, when it does, I care more deeply. I actually can move towards action. So my care becomes actions. My care becomes calls to my to the senator every day. My care can become writing a letter of concern, right? My care is then fed through that calm that results in action of doing things that are in alignment with who I am and how I want my world to be. Presence and responsibility can coexist. You do not have to emotionally suffer in advance to deeply love your life. So maybe the rewire here is not how do I eliminate worry forever? Let's let that thought go. We need worry. It is a tool for us, it is a survival mechanism for us. And we can ask ourselves, how do I recognize when my brain is trying to protect me through fear? And gently teach it that protection and panic are not the same thing. Because your brain will generate protective thoughts. That's what brains do. Thankfully, thank goodness, we are all here from past brains that had a lot of protective thoughts. But you do get to decide which thoughts deserve your attention and which thoughts you can simply pass through. You don't have to believe everything you think, you don't have to buy everything your brain is selling. And maybe tonight, when worry shows up, instead of immediately following it down every hallway and every rabbit hole, we simply pause and ask, is this helpful? If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone whose brain has been carrying too much lately. And if you're enjoying Rewired, I'd love to encourage you to follow, to share, to leave a five-star review. It helps more people find these conversations where neuroscience meets real life change. You can learn more about coaching with us and with me, with workshops, our professional development pathways, and our ICF accredited coach training program through our Empower Coaching and Training website, which is yesempower.com. Until next time, be gentle with your worry. Build a healthy relationship with it. Take care, everyone. Rewired listeners, if this episode resonated with you, I'd be so honored to stay connected. Follow the podcast at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and iHeartRadio. Share an episode with someone in your life and leave a five-star review. It helps people access these tools and this work and grow our community. At Empower Coaching and Training, we believe that when you understand your brain, you gain the power to change your patterns, your relationships, and your life. If you're ready to go deeper, you can always learn more about coaching and resources at yesimpower.com.