Ep 47: The Brain, Divorce, and Beginning Again: A Conversation with Christin Becker

What happens when the life you imagined suddenly disappears?

For many people, divorce isn't simply the end of a marriage—it's the loss of an identity, a future they thought they were building, and the certainty they once held about life. It can leave us questioning who we are, what comes next, and whether we'll ever feel whole again.

In this final episode of Season One, Tiffany sits down with Certified Divorce Coach® Christin Becker for an honest, hope-filled conversation about navigating one of life's most significant transitions.

After leaving a 27-year unhealthy marriage, Christin rebuilt her life from the ground up. Today, she helps individuals move through divorce with clarity, confidence, and hope—preparing them not only for legal decisions, but for emotional healing, healthy communication, and the next chapter of their lives.

Together, Tiffany and Christin explore:

• Why divorce impacts far more than a relationship—it reshapes identity.
• What happens to our thinking and decision-making during times of overwhelming stress.
• The difference between coaching, therapy, and legal support.
• The power of boundaries, resilience, and choosing intentional responses over emotional reactions.
• Christin's BOLD framework:
  • Believe
  • Own Your Story
  • Lean into Discomfort
  • Do the Work
• Why healing isn't about returning to who you were—it's about becoming who you're meant to be.

Whether you're navigating divorce, grief, a health diagnosis, career change, or another unexpected life transition, this conversation is a reminder that your story isn't over. Sometimes our greatest growth begins after life falls apart.

As we close out Season One of Rewired, Tiffany also shares what's ahead for the podcast. Season Two launches in September 2026 with more conversations where neuroscience meets real-life change.

In the meantime:
✨ Catch up on past episodes.
✨ Share the podcast with someone who could use a little hope.
✨ Send in your questions or topic ideas—you might inspire a future episode.

Thank you for being part of the Rewired community. Whether you've been here since Episode 1 or just joined us today, thank you for listening, learning, and growing alongside us.

We'll see you in September.

Connect with Christin Becker

🌐 Divorce Recovery Coach: https://divorcerecoverycoach.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Welcome to Rewired. I'm your host, Tiffany Grimes, with Empower Coaching and Training. Hey beautiful people and Rewired listeners. Thank you for joining us today for episode 47. There are a couple exciting things I want to tell you before we launch into today. One, this is our final episode of season one. We made 47 episodes in a year, just under a year. And I could not be more grateful for this opportunity, for this platform, for this community. I love doing this and I love doing this with you. And thank you for the ways that you have engaged and reached out. And also just sent me love in my first season of being a podcast host. So thank you, thank you, thank you. We will be back in September. I'm just taking one month off. I have a program I need to build, a product I need to launch, and also a certification I need to update and complete. There's a new mentor coach certification through the International Coaching Federation. And I need to get that done so that we are just staying in compliance as a level one ICF coach training program. So I want to focus some energy on that. I'm also reaching out to some amazing guests and also collecting your questions. So in the meantime, please go back and check out anything that you didn't get a chance to listen to in season one. Send us your questions, your thoughts. We have a team of amazing coaches at Empower Coaching and Training. And what I do when you send a question is I go to them. Sometimes I bring them on to answer your questions, and sometimes I go, and then sometimes if they're brain-based and neuroscience based, I address them. So send us your questions if you're thinking about something about accountability or sustainable change or life decisions that you are leaning into. Use this opportunity to lean into a team of professional certified coaches. And I usually, if the questions are, you know, really meaningful and deep enough to build an episode around, I usually do that. So send us your questions. You can do that at info at yesimpower.com. And yeah, keep keep it going. We'll be taking a little break, quote unquote. A break, but what we're doing during that time is building season two. So help us do that as you did with season one. So grateful to you. Two, I want to tell you that we have upcoming our next fall empower coaching and training, coaching academy level one, accredited through the International Coaching Federation, and embedded within the PACE program at Oregon State University, our next coach training program. Enrollment is open and people are enrolling, and it is really thrilling and exciting. This is our seventh cohort that we will be operating. ICF has changed a lot in the last year, so this next year will look a little bit different in terms of how it's rolled out. And I'm just thrilled. We have an amazing faculty here, and I really hope that you check it out. We have an info session every Thursday. I should say most Thursdays, unless I'm off playing and just have no Wi-Fi. Otherwise, they're most Thursdays. You can register for an information session on our website at yesimpower.com. Okay, now let me introduce our guest. Our guest today is Kristen Becker, and I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation. So Kristen is a certified divorce coach, and if you aren't going through a divorce, this you will still find meaning in this. I currently am not going through a divorce, but I have a lot of people in my life who are, so it really lent some great knowledge for me and ways to support the people around me. The other thing is that she incorporates these amazing tools that are just about self-awareness and emotional regulation, and we are all doing that work. So even if you aren't going through a divorce, I know that you will get something out of today's conversation. So let me take a moment just to introduce Kristen Becker. So as I mentioned, she is a certified divorce coach, alternative dispute resolution specialist, and founder of Divorce Recovery Coach. After spending 22 years as a stay-at-home mom and working part-time in her family's business, Kristen faced one of the most difficult decisions of her life, leaving a 27-year unhealthy marriage. That journey of rebuilding her life inspired a new mission and a new business, helping others navigate divorce with confidence, clarity, and hope. Today, Kristen works with individuals who are contemplating divorce or navigating high conflict situations. She has a special passion and place in her heart for helping folks just like her, stay-at-home parents, and those who sacrifice their own careers and are really working now towards this confidence, financial independence, and so forth. Rather than replacing attorneys or therapists, Kristen works alongside people as they go through these situations, helping clients manage the emotional and practical realities of divorce. She talks about how divorce is really 80% emotional, 10% financial, and 10% legal, and how that emotional part can absolutely guide our decisions for better or for worse in these other, you know, in financial and legal, and so how important it is to really learn that emotional regulation part of divorce. She prepares clients for meetings with legal and financial professionals. She teaches effective communication and negotiation strategies and helps make thoughtful decisions instead of emotional ones. She also has this really cool framework that she created called Bold that again is so relatable for all of us. Kristen believes that knowledge breeds confidence and that with the right support, divorce doesn't have to define someone's future. It can become the beginning of a stronger, healthier next chapter. Rewired listeners, help me welcome. For our final episode of season one, Kristen Becker.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

All right, Kristen Becker, welcome to the Rewired Podcast. Oh, thanks for having me. I'm excited to connect with you today.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

Yeah, I'm really excited for a couple reasons. One, this is our final uh episode for season one. So you're you're taking us out with a bang, which I'm so excited about. And I'm also excited, and really the reason I reached out to you was I have friends who I feel like I'm kind of in this season of life where marriages are moving, you know, kids are getting older, decisions are being made, and there's a lot of women specifically in my life who are leaving relationships or recovering from having been left in relationships. And there's this, what I'm finding is there is this other side of divorce that there is power, there is awareness, there is intention, there is pain for sure. Right. And there's this season of all of those things, and it lasts, you know, you know, a long time or a short time, depending on the person. But there's this process, I guess, that what I'm saying is what that I'm being able to witness people go through and come out the other end just different, different than they were in their marriage, and different than they were when they started the process. And so I loved just learning about you and the work that you're doing as a coach, as a divorce recovery coach. I have a thousand questions for you, both personally and professionally. I want to learn about divorce recovery coaching and what that means and hear about your own business. But I want to start with how we always start our podcast when we have the opportunity to have a guest on, which is what does empowerment mean to you, Kristen? And you can take this personally or professionally, take it whatever direction you want. And what is empowering you or your life right now?

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I I actually love this question because I feel like I walk this part really intentionally. And I want to lead from the front by asking my clients, asking my children, those in my life to do this. So one of the greatest lessons I've learned is learning to trust myself and my own decisions again. So for many years in my marriage, and I think many women find this, I wasn't encouraged or even allowed to make my own decisions. And over time, I lost that confidence in my own judgment and began relying on someone else to determine what was acceptable or right or I could do. Even as a stay-at-home mom, I wasn't allowed to make those decisions. So rebuilding that trust in myself, when I look back now, I can really see that I kind of shriveled up into a skeletal version of who I really am and what I was intended to be. So rebuilding that trust has been one of the most empowering parts of the journey. And I really walk from that space when I'm working with people because I see that empowerment feeling. I have the freedom to make decisions based on my values, my goals, and the life that I want to create. And I think that is what I encourage my clients is like, this is your turn. This is your chapter. So yeah, we didn't plan on a divorce. I never wanted that to be a part of my story. I stayed 27 years because I believe in marriage. But I was beating my head against the wall and I realized on the outside of it what I was giving up. So that independence has been incredibly freeing. It reminds me that confidence isn't something that you're born with, but it's something you build by building by making those decisions and learning from them. And so take that divorce and how we allowed things to happen. Now we can go, okay, I learned from that. That's not gonna happen again.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

You know, so I that's the next chapter of like learning how to stand up for yourself and never letting that part of you go again.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

So yeah, yeah, so good. I this what I heard you say kind of twofold is this discovery of who you are in this independence, but also this returning to you, you mentioned this returning to the values that you always did hold important or the identity you always had, but kind of got erased or shrunk.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Yeah, I think it's it feels so good to watch like the kids seeing me thrive. That's actually one of the main reasons I do what I do is because the kids are always watching. And so you're modeling kind of how to get out of a hard season. Because life throws us curveballs sometimes in divorce is a big one. So yeah, but what are your kids gonna say about how mom handled that?

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so true. So true. I think about yeah, the many ways we navigate that. It's not just about us, it's about and it's not just about custody or visitation, but like what am I role modeling? And that can be both, I'm imagining can feel heavy and overwhelming and also very clarifying and motivational as children are.

unknown 13:18

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

All of those things wrapped up into one, yeah. Well, tell us a little bit more about your story, about what brought you to this, because it sounds like you arrived at this professional place through a personal experience. I know you talked about divorce. I know you are also a survivor of breast cancer, and that you kind of see some similarities between those things. So kind of take us, take us back and kind of guide us to this moment.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

I think we kind of find our testimony through what we experience in life. I was a full-time mom, and for much of my marriage, I lived in a constant state. It was an unhealthy marriage from the beginning. So I was in a constant state of fight, flight or freeze. And at the time I knew it wasn't healthy, but it was familiar to me. And so I felt safe in the familiarity of it. And I convinced myself that I was managing it because it was all I had known for so long. And I've I identified with the success was that we were we were making it work, that marriage is hard. And so one day after a particularly difficult argument in front of the kids, I just kind of had an aha moment of like I looked at my daughters and was like, would I want this for them? And that realization is what tipped me off the teeter-totter.

unknown 14:44

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

It was huge. It really was. I think when you're looking at someone else in your family and you how would you advise them? Right, it makes it more real and more like understanding. So I knew then it was my time to leave. I remember two years prior sitting down after an argument and telling my daughter, I just want you to see me see me being strong. And she's like, You're the strongest person I know, mom. And so that made me hold on for a couple more years, right? Oh, she's seeing strength.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Yeah, but perseverance, sticking to the city. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

But that other question uh, would I want this for them? And I've got daughters and I've got sons. I've got two and two.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

And modeling that for the boy is like having that controlling father. And that's the only example they had. And my oldest was 20 when I left. He struggles now because that was his only example. So it's like, do I have there's guilt about all of that? So, but we have to let that go. We're learning, it's all a journey. So I just think what surprised me most when I when I left was immediately after separating, I could literally feel my nervous system begin to calm down. I have heard that. Yeah, instantly. I had a body reaction every time he would come to pick up the kids of him, the physical reaction of his presence. So looking back, I understand that I was living in chronic stress and it became my normal, and I didn't know what peace felt like until I actually had it.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Because it was normal. So today, one of the messages I share with my clients is when you're in a survival mode for years, peace can actually feel so unfamiliar. Yeah. And healing is possible. So as you begin to feel safe again, you start trusting yourself and you make decisions with more confidence and you're creating that life, not based on fear, but based on your hope and based on what your destiny is supposed to be. You know, I think we're all created in God's image of like, or He's given us with all these gifts. But when you're in that fight, flight or freeze, you're not utilizing any of those gifts because you're just surviving. So when you're away from it, you're like, oh, I can breathe. Oh, there is life. And and so I think that's a big difference. And yeah, I am a breast cancer survivor, and that was scary. That was divorce is scary. Yeah. They're both so when but I'm almost to a fault, overly positive. And I kept looking for what was good in my marriage in order to stay in it. And so when I look back now that I'm away from it, it's like yeah, it it could have done more harm than it needed to do. But what is successful is like taking care of yourself because nobody else is going to. And that's the same with like a medical journey. You have to take care of yourself because at what cost are you staying in something that is you're losing yourself in? So that kind of is how I found I it was actually my attorney who reached out to who said to me, goes, We talk about you and you're just so calm. I don't know how you're like, do you go for walks on the beach? What do you do? He goes, but we could use your help with our more emotional clients in the office. And I just had this huge aha moment. And somebody said, What if you could get certified in that? And I was like, Oh my gosh, I could do my work based on what I'm naturally good at. So that's kind of how I found it. And then, like I said, resources come to you when you're not in fight, fight or freeze. And that those resources I researched that weekend. The CDC certified divorce coaching classes that I registered and got my credentials in was starting their next pod the following Tuesday. So it was meant to be. And I just thank you for showing me. I felt like butterflies were flying all around me. And it's like the transformation. Yeah. So it's pretty cool. But that's amazing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Yeah. I love what you're talking about with this kind of your nervous system sent the message that while this is going to be a hard path, you're on the right path. Right. There's this knowing. And I've heard that as soon as you said it, I've heard multiple people say that. There was just this I'm sleeping better. Yeah. My gut health is better. My, you know, whatever it is. All of it. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and yet when we're going through divorce, so there's a nervous system, it's hard, it's stressful, there's so much unknown. There's so much, maybe, you know, if it's high conflict or telling people and all the things. And so we can also have a very stressed-out brain during the process of divorce, even though our nervous system knows there's still the process of divorce. And so I'm just curious, you know, if we think about working with brains and working with nervous systems, what you've witnessed personally and what you're the work you're doing with clients, what happens to our thinking brain? You talked about fight, flight, freeze. So the opposite of that. What happens when, you know, to our thinking brain when we're kind of in the middle of divorce, if you will, the legalities? Why is it so hard to make good decisions during this season of our life, even if we know we're on the right path?

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Well, I think divorce is probably one of the most emotional experiences that anyone's going to go through. Because even if you're the one who left, like that was my situation, or it's happening to you, right? You're never planning for it. Nobody walks down the aisle thinking 25 years later you're gonna go get a divorce. So that it's not a plan. So for that reason, you have to go through this grieving process of the life that you hoped for. And that is huge because the person is still here. And you have all these dreams of it's not like a death, but it is a death of a hope. It's a death of a hope. So one of the things I tell my clients is that divorce is actually three things it's legal, emotional, and financial. 80% of that is emotional. 10% legal, 10% financial. And if you don't get a grip on that emotional piece, you're going to be making emotionally charged legal decisions, emotionally charged financial decisions. So it's just one of those things that while you're grieving and living in that constens of stress, it's going your emotions are going to influence those decisions, which unfortunately they can have a long-term legal and financial outcome. So I always that's where as a divorce coach, I encourage my clients to really slow down the process. Unless there's domestic violence where they're a fear for their life situation, that's a completely different scenario. But if it's like people don't come to this decision overnight, it's not like they've been living in like for my situation. I encourage them to gather knowledge, get some information, go to workshops, build the right professional team of a therapist, a coach. There's differences in that, and we'll talk about that, and then understand what the options are. And the consequences of those choices. So a lot of people are like, I need to keep the house. This is where my kids were. This is what I need to do. But what is the consequence of that choice? Is there a lot of upkeep? Is there a lot of maybe starting fresh would feel really good? You know, so when I'm working with someone, it's all questions. Let's let's explore those questions. And then they're, oh, maybe downsizing to a townhouse and starting fresh sounds really good.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

You know? So, but they come up with that. One of my favorite lines, knowledge breeds confidence. We talked about the cancer. First three days of hearing that I had breast cancer was freaking crazy, very much like this whole emotional thing with divorce. But the more information I got about the kind of breast cancer I had, I knew I was going to survive it. I knew I was. I didn't know how muddy my journey was going to be.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

But I knew I would be okay. And that's what I encouraged my clients is we all know someone who's been divorced, you will get there. You will get to the other side. You just don't know how muddy your process is going to be. So having someone who is actually a strategist who's been through it and can help connect you with people, it makes a huge difference.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

So it's it's making the emotions take a backseat in thinking about the divorce as a business decision and unwinding a partnership. But that's really where I try to focus with them to get those emotions to be less and slow it down.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Yeah. So tell us that one more time. And I'm remembering watching your TikTok on this and hearing the 80% that percentage and thinking, I love that because that emotional brain will drive these other decisions. And so to really to be able to say this, this work on breath, this work on meditation, this work on identity, this work on, you know, whatever, this is divorce work, right? It is. It is. And so to walk us through that one more time so the listeners can really hear you saying.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Well, I think, I think the biggest thing is if you find yourself like freaking out about a text you just got from your spouse, yeah, because of something going on with the kids, and you find yourself just completely freaking out. Step back. You can always reset yourself with a deep breath. You know, and I do a lot of you mentioned the breath work. I do a lot of that with the clients of teaching them the tools that are right within them, grounding yourself, putting your feet on the ground, and just go lay in your backyard in the grass and just reset for five minutes. But if you respond to that text right away, you're just flaming a fire. And so if you can just let that go and when I I actually let my clients like take screenshots and send me their text messages and go, do I need to respond to this?

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

And half the time it's like, no, no response is a response.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Because our spouses know us best, they know how to push buttons, but they don't get to do that anymore. So owning what you can control, owning boundaries and different things that you can set that you now get to during this process is important. But yeah, the emotion.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

I love thinking about it like that. You know, if 80% of it is emotional, and we can own those emotions and our responses to our emotions, it really puts us in the driver's seat in a place that might feel like we don't have a place in the driver's seat. I love that flip of really thinking about what do I have control over here? My response, my boundaries, my words, my whether I respond, how I respond, the team that I build. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Well, it's important. I mean, like even deadlines or court dates or whatever is happening or a hearing getting delayed, any of those things, you can't control any of that.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

So it's like I remember being ready for a hearing, and then we got pushed because something else, and you're like, there's a lot of stuff you go through to get ready for a hearing. And then all of a sudden it didn't even happen. Right. And you're like, okay. And my attorney is like, seriously, just okay. And I'm like, what can I do about it? What can I do? Yeah. You know, so learning to just let go of all of those pieces that you can't and put your energy into the pieces you can, which is your preparedness, yeah, your knowledge. I was prepared, I was ready, but okay, I guess I'll be ready next week.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Or whatever, you know, and learning how to like let go.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Here it is. Yeah. Stop. There was a phrase I'd heard. We do a lot of work, obviously, in the coaching world of the like circle of control. And I remember I was going through this phase of my life. I was self-coaching myself over the a challenge that I was having, and I kept trying, I kept getting stuck on the let go. Let go. I don't have control over that, so let let go. And I just like, I can't let it go. So I found this phrase instead. And so I'm just offering it up to our listeners, which was so I'll let it be. Right? Like, I because let it go still meant I had to do something with it or make it go away or not think about it. And this, for whatever reason, that phrasing, and so I will let it be. And that to me felt like, oh, I don't have to do anything with that. I don't know why, but that switch was like, I just it is, it just already is. I have everyone's different, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:08

And how some people will do the meditation and that will work for them. I'm gonna share something really quick. Somatic coaching is like the movement, and sometimes in order to get out of a funk, you might need to get up and shake your body. Yes, you know, and one of my I there's music like shake it off by Taylor Swift. Get up and dance and move, and I don't care. Another one that's very empowering for me is we're not gonna take it by Twisted Sister and crank it in your car and scream at the top of your lungs, or dance it off in the kitchen. I'm telling you, then let it go. It's gone. But it's a release, you need to release that negative energy.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

And sometimes it's a meditation and sometimes it's a huge somatic movement. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

That's so great. I had a breakup. This was years ago, years decades ago, but I had on my for my that person for their ring when they would call me, the phone ring would be the I need a I need a lover who won't drive me crazy. It's just a reminder of like, right, don't go back into that void. There's no, there's nothing but crazy in there. Don't go in, don't go in. Yeah, these are great tools. I love that. So let's talk a little bit about. I mean, I think one of the things I hear a lot, and you talk about it on your website, is really this like reclaiming you. And you talked about it as part of your own journey because so much changes. And you know, especially I think for women traditionally, even our names are not ours, that the, you know, if we've gone that traditional route through marriage. And so uh, what how do you work with people in? And I think this would absolutely fall on that 80% of emotion of just reclaiming identity and rebuilding ourselves and dusting our dusting off those things that maybe we have forgotten after decades.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

I think healing does not happen overnight, but it does happen one step, one decision, and one day at a time.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

So one of the most important things you can do during a divorce is to do self-care, taking care of yourself. There are so many things in this process that are so outside of your control, like we were just talking about, you know, court dates or whether or not your spouse is going to show up for discovery or whatever, all the things. Your spouse's behavior, the legal timeline, court decisions, all those things. But self-care is 100% within your control. Yeah. So I think that's important. It doesn't have to look the same for everyone. We were just talking about that, those two examples. But for me, I started a nine-round boxing class and it was amazing release because it was nine stations of boxing, kickboxing, punching, bat. It was just amazing. So that was a new workout that I joined during that time. But it could be going for a run, dancing in your kitchen, practicing yoga, meditating, hiking, journaling, spending time with people that fill your cup, you know, and learning who those people actually are. You can have boundaries with friends too. Be willing to think outside the box and try something new. You may discover that you have a new passion or reconnect with a part of yourself that's been buried for years. So just stuff like that, I think is important. I always tell my clients it's important that they have to participate in their healing journey. You can put your head in the sand and say, Oh my God, this is happening to me. But then you're going to probably be stuck in this process for much longer. Then what am I going to do about it? Okay. So that's the same with the cancer. It's like, okay, this is how shoot. Nobody would have said a word to me if I stayed in bed for four days. I didn't because it wasn't going to serve me. And so acting your way through. And and also don't let pride get in your way. Like I struggled. The kids would go to their dads and I was a stay-at-home mom. My dinner hour was the busiest time of my day. My dinner hour was quiet. So a bottle of wine and Netflix only went so far. So during that time, I started door dashing during the dinner hour to get out of the house and be productive. And I earned some extra money. I earned some money to be able to make a car payment and stuff. So it was just like initially that was weird and kind of prideful. Like I don't want to bump into somebody I know while I'm out door dashing. But as soon as I got, I mean, I felt good about myself. It was a positive action item that was bringing in extra income, getting me out of the house and feeling productive. So don't let pride stand in your way when you're trying something new because you're rebuilding and it's your terms. So I think that's important. Power of a momentum in your steps is important, whether it's just making a phone call, taking a walk, or trying something new. The entire you're not climbing the mountain today, you're just taking steps.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

And the journey will figure it out. You're in a season, but the season will get over. So I just think it's really important for people to like really understand that this is not going to last forever, but it's ultimately up to you.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Yeah. Yeah. And I think about the brain as you're saying all those things of how I mean, lots of parts of it. One is, you know, we have this thing called a self-referential processing system, which I'm sure you're very familiar with, of this who we are in the world. And while that sounds deceivingly great, it is just that deceiving because we've had decades to practice this is who I am. This is how I should be treated. This is how I should walk through life. These are the opportunities I should take. These are the ones I won't take. This is and divorce, among other things, is one of those things that can just blow that up. Yeah. And our brain wants the familiar. So it keeps going back to this identity that we are simply no longer. Right. And so I think just wrapping ourselves in that with compassion. This is a hard place. And again, whether you wanted it or it was given to you, it is a place that you are, and your brain is sometimes not your friend in that process. It kind of wants to go back to what it knew. It's familiar, it's predictable, and it's safe. That's what all that means to the brain, right? And so just reminding ourselves, just neurologically, we are wide open right now. And how you know, you mentioned self-care as one of those tools and how important that is, along with challenging. Okay, well, what do I think I would never do? I would never door dash, I would never box. I would never and then questioning that, right? Lovingly, like, hmm, I wonder what this version of me would do. What if I tried?

SPEAKER_00 36:35

Well, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

And lovingly pushing ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

There's one other I outside the box that I never expected I would be doing. My daughters were juniors in high school, and they were asking me, I want to go to we have twins. So when I say daughters, twins, juniors, and they wanted to go to Hawaii for their senior trip. And I was like, God, kiddo, I can't afford that. You know, we're your brothers are in college. I don't know how we're gonna do this. And then I'm like, wait a minute, your friend's mom works at the airport locally and they travel all the time. Let me reach out to her. So I did. So I also, part-time, part-time gig, work at the local regional airport on the ramp. And I load the baggage into the cargo and I connect the power to the plane and I marshal in airplanes. I do all this crazy stuff that I never in my life thought I would ever do. Yes. But I love it. And when you're going through a divorce, it's like very empowering to say, I just marshalled in that airplane and it stopped because I made it stop. Right. You know, I just did that, you know. And the physical, like moving your body, right? All of it. Yeah. So for me, in my divorce, my ex would make comments like, Oh, you've got a college degree, you're just doing this little who cares what he thinks.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Because guess what? The girls got to Maui for their senior trip because mom works at the airport. And I did that without needing to ask him for a penny for it. And it was very empowering. You talked about that word at the initially. And then also going through the cancer part, when I was going through chemo, I got intermittent leave of absence. So I wasn't sure how my body would respond to things. And I didn't have to take my leave of absence because the team at work was amazing. And so when I got there, I didn't have to do the cargo pits, but I was still able to marshal in the airplanes. I was still able to do the other part. And it was a way to check out of what my health journey was, but be productive and strong and quote unquote a badass as I was going through, you know, one of the hardest journeys in my life. So that's why I think thinking outside the box, not everybody has a local regional airport. I get that, but think outside the box and what could you do that would fill your cup that you never thought would.

SPEAKER_01 39:08

Yeah. And listen to your brain when it gives you the reasons you can't and know that's just habit. That's just habit, right? Like think I'm hearing you. And yeah, that we don't have to. I often say that on the podcast, we don't have to buy everything our brain is selling. Yeah, 100%. Especially when it feels vulnerable. Yes. It's really wheeling a deal in there and we don't have to buy it. Yeah. So I'm I love all of these things you're you're sharing, and I wanna hear, you know, I think about family and friends and all of the loving, sometimes unsolicited advice and help that family and friends offer, you know, and it's boundless, like the ability to help care for families or transport or a hug or just like a familiar smell of a house or, you know, whatever it is. But a divorce, I mean, I know the power of coaching and so and how it is different than a therapist and a BFF and these other things. And so talk to us a little bit just about what you do as a divorce coach, a divorce recovery coach. I also love that it's divorce recovery. I love that word. That's everything in there. So tell us about that. What does work look like with you? How is it different than therapy? You know, if I'm sending you an email to look at, am I does that mean I don't have to send it to my lawyer? You know, like tell tell me more.

SPEAKER_00 40:36

Yeah. I I'm more of, I guess I'm gonna say it kind of this way, easy the best way is like you emotionally vomit with somebody like myself. And then I can take that and help bullet point it and send you to your attorney with bullet points of questions versus going to your attorney with your emotional vomit because they'll take that $500 an hour and stuff. So when you're meeting with your attorney, it's going to be a focus session and things like that. So divorce coach provides an unbiased perspective during one of the most difficult times in a person's life. And my role is to really help the clients calm those emotions, organize their thoughts, and create a plan for moving forward. Family and friends are care deeply, they want to help, but a lot of times I remember when I would reach out to my mom or my sisters, they would amp up my emotions because they would be agreeing with, oh yeah, he's such a, you know, whatever. So it's not really helping you in that space. So I also am a part as a coach of divorce transition professionals groups, divorce support collective groups. These are all professional groups where we meet on Zoom all the time. So when I have a client that has a financial question, I know what I don't know, but I can connect them with somebody who does.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

And there are a lot of freebies that I can connect people with because they do consult work outside of their wealth management practice. Okay, they're a financial expert in this area. So I think it's important to work with somebody who is professional like myself because they're because we can be connected to the resources that we didn't. I made mistakes in my divorce. We valued our business. And I didn't know that there was somebody called a business valuations analyst out there. But they are out there because they're part of these DTP groups, divorce transition professionals. But coaching is really focused on where you are today and where you want to go. And therapy is really more a different purpose. It's it's more about healing from past experiences, processing the grief, the trauma, and understand why you respond the way you do. But I think people benefit from both. I like to really say that therapy helps you heal while coaching helps you move forward. Yeah. You know, it's it's like a specific, like there's life coaches, there's all kinds of different coaches. I'm very specific specific to divorce. And so I never expected to be an expert in this area. I believe in marriage, but you know, sometimes you have to walk away from something that is no longer serving you and it's unhealthy. And I am an expert in it because of all the connections that I have. And I've lived it and I walk it and I want to help my clients thrive again. So that's you know, I don't think you need to have somebody who's lived it in order to go through, but I think that is a different also. I think it's also important to look for a coach that has credentials.

SPEAKER_02 44:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

Because it's not just that I had a life experience. I actually have credentials because those credentials helped me learn that I had to connect with professionals because I had official training and stuff. So I think it's important.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

That's great. And how are people, how often are you meeting with people? Tell us the name of your business. Tell give us like what would a person expect if they were reaching out and saying, I'm in this and I'd really love to emotionally vomit with you, Kristen.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Okay. Uh if someone works with me, the very first thing is they would find me on divorce recoverycoach.com. And that's my story is on there. I offer free workshops monthly through the second Saturday platform, which has been around for going on 40 years. And what that platform does is provides workshops for women. Mine is women specific. Some workshops are both men and women. And it's on the legal, emotional, and financial aspects of divorce. I do them once a month and they're free. So this is about gaining knowledge. So that's something they'll learn. So I have a bunch of freebies. I give If they work with me, I ask them to commit with six sessions and it's not weekly because divorce is fluid. So we might meet with something, I do a free consult call. After that, if we decide to work together, we'll connect and I'll give them homework of like, here's a financial person you might want to reach out to so that you can get your picture. Some of them are like planning behind the scenes of like, I think this might be something I'll do. So a financial expert can give them their specific situation, good, bad, and ugly, and what that might look like if they're doing it on their own. So things like that. They can text me in between, like I mentioned, and show me screenshots of a message they got. And I'm like, I can help them reword it and take the emotions out. I use I think it's later on we'll talk about if we get into it, but communication techniques of CIC, which is concise, informative, civil. So every time you're going in, and people use AI a lot these days, I always say, write your message, throw it into AI and say, please take the emotion out. That's kind of the same thing I do, but I can help them, you know, send an email that's pertinent. They they'll have me go through their mediation ideas, come up with custody schedules. I mean, there's so much that I can't help with. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

And you're working with, I heard you say, for example, you're helping to frame up questions that then get emailed to the lawyer. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So much, so much. Yeah. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

So I I love what I do. I I don't do it to get rich someday, but I do it because I know I can help people. And it matters because women feel very alone in this space. Especially my situation was like a stay-at-home mom 27 years, and there's a lot of gray divorce trending happening where it's the long-term marriages, and this isn't what they expected. They weren't in control of their finances, and that was me. And I am seriously thriving again, and I really want my clients to feel like they can get there.

SPEAKER_01 47:47

Yes. Yeah. So amazing. So you, I know when you're working with clients. So this is helpful kind of framing it up, but you had mentioned a specific framework that you use called bold or that you created, so or that you use. Talk talk to us about that and kind of walk us through when we're meeting life's unexpected, unexpected challenges. Walk us through bold.

SPEAKER_00 48:13

Well, bold is something I kind of came up with. I was asked to speak on, I mean, my story going through divorce and going through breast cancer. I have an attorney friend of mine through divorce transition professionals who asked me to be a speaker and share my story. And this is where this kind of came about. And it really is how I frame life and work with my clients. So bold is believing in yourself, number one, having belief that you will be okay, believing in a higher power, whatever that is for you. That you are never walking this journey alone, but that belief, mind over matter is huge. My dad's going through a health journey right now, and his will to fight through it is amazing. And I have a friend who's a pharmacist, and he's like, the biggest thing that mind over all the drugs is gonna take him longer than anything else. So belief is huge. The O in bold is own your story. So don't be afraid to be authentically you because this is where you're gonna meet your resources. Don't be afraid to share that you're going through a divorce because you don't know that person that you're talking to, what they might be able to share with you or connect you to. This is who you are. It does not define you, but it's a part of who you are. I struggled with sharing that I was going through cancer. It was really hard for me to share that. But when I did, I got all kinds of resources. And people also understood that, oh wow, she really can go through hard things.

SPEAKER_02 49:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:53

And it connected with me with even more clients when I finally was vulnerable enough to open up and be authentically me. So and funny story, someone goes, Well, authenticity starts with A. And I go, Yes, but that's bald. And so it's all near story, and I don't want to be bald again. So it's own your story. Anyway, the L in bold is leaning in to the discomfort. When you lean into something that is hard, that's where your growth happens. Whether it's leaning into this whole thing of I'm creating a new life, but guess what? You can. Well, what can you do with that time when they're gone? What can you nurture in yourself during that time that they're not home? Learning how to get through those hard things and showing up. So leaning into that, that's where growth happens. And D is doing the work. Like I mentioned earlier, participating in the journey. You can't just stick your head in the sand. You gotta get up and take the step. And someday that step might just be getting out of bed and going for a walk. You know, be graceful to yourself. But the step should be something that brings you joy every day. You know, and sometimes it's a bigger day than others, but some days it's gonna be give give yourself grace because guess what? We are human. Yeah, you know. So that's a bold journey that I I I just think it resonates with. You created this? I did, I did, but I think it's really I think it takes on like any journey you're going through.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

I agree. And the neuroscience of change backs this up, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:47

Yeah, it hits all aspects of you know, how the framework of how I kind of do life and talk to my four kids and hope they do life and they're all that we're all doing good. So I want I want clients to understand that they ultimately can be bold and take those steps.

SPEAKER_01 52:07

Yeah. I uh especially appreciate that final I I love it all, and to end with do the work because it's a reminder to us that otherwise everything is just a really great idea, right? You know, like to action self-awareness is really beautiful work. It's it's slow unfolding, it's vulnerable, but that isn't what makes the change. It's the self-awareness paired with the daily practice that is what rewires, that's what builds new beliefs, that's what builds new identities. 100%. And so I love that you remind us of that with that do the work.

SPEAKER_00 52:48

Give yourself grace, you know, but pick up and do it again tomorrow, you know, and just give yourself that opportunity to succeed by taking those steps forward.

SPEAKER_01 52:59

Yeah, beautiful. Well, we're here, we're at the end of our talk together. And I just want to thank you for your time. Thank you for the work that you're doing. We'll put all of this in the show notes. We'll put a link to your podcast. I'm sorry, a link to your website. And you're on the website, folks can sign up for the free workshop. Is that where they would find?

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Yeah, they click on the second Saturday link. And I did mention it, second Saturday is the platform, but they're quote unquote not just on Saturdays anymore. I do mine on Monday nights at 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, and it's a virtual workshop. That's great to clarify, yes. Yeah, so I don't want moms to be out on the soccer field trying to figure out how they're supposed to listen to a workshop.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

Driving and also exactly trying to listen. Yeah, I do that move.

SPEAKER_00 53:50

Yeah, beautiful. But they can click on that and sign up.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

So okay. Well, we will link everyone over to you. And uh again, just thank you. Thank you for what you're doing. I know that it is such a vulnerable time, and you know, this idea, I think of that the phrase, I'm going through a divorce and remembering that word through, you know, through. There is an end to this. There is light on the other side, and it makes me think of that quote of, you know, when you're going through hell, don't stop. Right. Go through and really wrap yourself with so many professionals and resources and love and kindness and self-compassion through this process and not do it alone. And yeah, and be bold. I love that. Be bold. I'm glad you asked that.

SPEAKER_00 54:43

So very cool. All right, Kristen, well, thank you so much for your time. We appreciate you. Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_01 54:51

There are so many pieces of that conversation that I will be bringing into my own life. Again, not as a person navigating divorce, but just a person navigating change and also helping those I love navigate divorce. So thank you, Kristen, so much for that conversation. As we exit, I want to remind you all during this month, we also have free offerings at Empower Coaching and Training, some weekly, some monthly. You can find all of those at yesempower.com. Every Friday from 8 15 to 8 30 Pacific Standard Time, we offer a live mindfulness broadcast. You do not have to have your camera on, you do not have to say anything, you show up. We also offer those in a recorded version on our YouTube channel. And then the third Wednesday of every month, so for the month of August, since we will not be together in the Rewired podcast, that is August 19th from 8 to 8:30 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. It is live, it's called the Mindful Masterclass. We do encourage cameras on, we do encourage participation, we keep a small group, anywhere between 15 to 20 people. And in the masterclass, the mindful masterclass, we're really kind of doing a bit of group coaching. Usually I guide that. I think I'm guiding that this month. We bring a topic and we work through it. Often the topics come from the podcast. So if you want to work with us live, be sure to go check that out and register to get the link. Again, that's at yesempower.com, and we'll put all of those in the show notes as well. Also, sign up for Kristen's free class if you are navigating divorce. What an amazing offer. Um, and again, we have her website and the ability to register for that in the show notes as well. Send us a letter, everyone. Send us your questions, be well. Take care, and we will see you in September. Rewired listeners, if this episode resonated with you, I'd be so honored to stay connected. Follow the podcast at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and iHeartRadio. Share an episode with someone in your life, and leave a five-star review. It helps people access these tools and this work and grow our community. At Empower Coaching and Training, we believe that when you understand your brain, you gain the power to change your patterns, your relationships, and your life. If you're ready to go deeper, you can always learn more about coaching and resources at yesimpower.com.