Breaking the Gang Cycle: From Trauma to Purpose

What can law enforcement learn from someone who lived the gang lifestyle?

In this episode, we sit down with a former 9 year old gang member and drug dealer with deep roots in Southern California’s gang culture. Drawing from his book No Excuses, Just Results, he provides a firsthand perspective on gang recruitment, drug trafficking, organized crime, violence, prison politics, and the life-changing decision to leave that world behind.

This conversation examines the realities behind the streets, the impact of trauma on young people, and the importance of accountability and redemption. We also discuss the influence of the Mexican Mafia on Southern California gangs, lessons learned from major federal investigations, and practical insights for law enforcement officers, investigators, and community leaders working to reduce gang violence and prevent youth from entering the criminal justice system.

This episode is intended for educational and public safety purposes. It does not promote or glorify criminal activity. Instead, it offers valuable insight into the mindset, culture, and consequences of gang involvement to help professionals better understand the communities they serve and to support effective prevention, intervention, and enforcement strategies.
Topics include:
      ●     Southern California gang culture
      ●     Gang recruitment and criminal networks
      ●     Drug trafficking and organized crime
      ●     Violence, trauma, and community impact
      ●     Prison gang influence
      ●     Accountability, rehabilitation, and redemption
      ●     Lessons for law enforcement, prosecutors, educators, and community leaders

If you’re committed to improving public safety through understanding, professionalism, and prevention, this conversation provides valuable perspective from someone who lived both sides of the story.

🎯 Whether you're a first responder, military, or someone interested in becoming a law enforcement officer—this conversation will move you, challenge you, and inspire you.

👇 Drop a comment with your favorite takeaway, and remember to subscribe if you want more real conversations like this.

#podcast #resilient ##cops #policeofficer #motivation #lawenforcement #deputy #police #lawenforcementofficer #policechief #policewoman #gangs #prison #mexicanmafia 

Contact Information:
phitpd22@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

My brother was at the end of the street fighting with two of them. As I'm running towards him, my close homeboy went to the ground and I thought that's smart. I should go to the ground too, dodge the bullet, and then when they stop, I'm gonna go try to have my brother. So he went down right next to me, right here, and then I seen him and I went down. So I run towards my brother, he ended up chasing those guys. I couldn't catch them. Okay, so I turned back around walking, and I still seen him down below, he was face down. And I said, Why is he still down? I turned him over, he couldn't really see his face. I believe, and I could be wrong, it was a 357 bullet that hit his face and it was unrecognizable. He died. He had died at a very young age, maybe 11 in the while, maybe. And I just remember that still vividly if that didn't happen in the bullet movie.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

Welcome everybody. Thank you for tuning in. My name is Quant Stephens, and I'm your host. This is lineup for Twitter. In today's episode, we want to explore warrior mindset exploring how difficult it is for people to move beyond certain things in life. Being exposed to gangs and violence and drugs and incarceration are things that a lot of people are not able to walk away from. Our guest, he experienced all those topics in his life, starting at an early childhood. And he uh overcame those obstacles, major obstacles. He um is an entrepreneur, he's a CEO of his own business, he is a leader in the community and he's an author. Please help me welcome Juan Flores to the show. Juan, thank you for being here, brother. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate you uh coming in and sharing your story with us. I mean, there's so many different questions that people want to know because uh sometimes it's difficult to understand someone that grew up uh being exposed to so many things like you did. You didn't have a choice. And you know, we have an exercise in the academy where uh it's called uh the privilege walk. And in this exercise we ask a series of questions. Okay, these questions are related to how things that you were exposed to when you were growing up, positive and negative. And you're asked to take a step forward or a step backward, depending on whether or not it was a positive or negative experience. By the end of all the questions, the group is separated. Everybody starts out in a line, shoulder to shoulder. So the people at the front are a little bit more privileged. People at the back are less privileged. Okay. And every time I've done this exercise with uh high school groups, I always find myself in the back with uh kids that are poor, kids that were exposed to gangs and the like. And um, you know, in hearing your story, I feel that if you were to do this exercise, you would be back there with me. And I want everybody to kind of hear your journey because you ended up today here in the front. And we want to hear about your story, Juan. Yes, sir. Um now, Juan, as you were growing up, w um you were exposed to the uh drug lifestyle.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

Can you tell us a little bit about that, please? Sure. Um first I want to say and express my honor for being on your show and my appreciation, and again, thank you. Um it's a great honor, uh great humbleness, and overappreciated for it. So thank you. My experience growing up with drugs, violence, uh, things like that were normal. It wasn't something that I seen as a young age as exceptional, nothing that was out of the ordinary. Um my home was, I believe it was I was seven years old when my uh father and and mother divorced. And from that time on um is when everything started going downhill. And from but from what I can remember regarding drugs is my mom always was on drugs. She was always smoking uh weed. Uh she told me when she was pregnant with me she was smoking as well. So these things were very common to me. And uh a quick disclosure: anybody that I mention, it's it's not to put them down. It's just that I'm I'm giving reference to these stories and to the credibility of what it's coming from. And the people who I do mention, they're all changed, they're all doing great, and also they have their own testimony. So I want to mention that just firsthand. Uh, drugs was something that I learned at a very young age. I learned how to do it as well as how to sell it. Uh again, my uh mother, there was always weed in our house. I never saw that as a problem. Uh, there was no issues or anything that I thought was a big deal to bring up to teachers or anything like that. Uh if it wasn't in our house, it was at our neighbor's house. If it wasn't there, then we'll go to our uh other family members, and there was either drugs going on there andor uh alcohol. Um so that was that was normal. I think it was maybe the age of eight and nine when I started getting more involved into it. I remember uh my uncle and my thea, my aunt, them taking me to places. They said, come in the car, we're gonna show you how to buy it as well as how to sell it. And they took me to the neighborhood. I was born and raised here in San Diego. They took me to the neighborhood in Logan, uh, out there at Chicano Park. And this was in the 80s, uh early 80s, mid-80s. And there's a corner, a liquor store on the corner right there. And I remember at a young age, my my Theo, my uncle getting it. There was cars to get right there, like you see at a drive-thru. But they were getting drugs. And back then the drugs of their choice was uh they called it whack, what they were buying. But there was two forms of it, whack or dips. And both of those, uh a whack, it's all PCP.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

And the whack they'll they'll mix it with very poor weed and put it in foil paper, a dime or a nickel. And then the other one was dips. So you'll take a cigarette and dip it into the little bottle, and that was PCP. Um and so they show me, they said, watch, look how fast he's handing off the drug, and look how fast he's getting the money. So I would watch it, and then they say, Okay, we're gonna drop up and we're gonna do it as well. And I'm in the backseat watching the whole thing go down.

SPEAKER_04 7:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

Very young age, maybe nine, I think. Okay. I was still in elementary school. And he says, uh, watch, he had in the the person silent had in a paper bag, and he was taking it out, the what's called wax. And what's what he'll hand it off then to my uncle, my uncle really fast will give him the money, and then he'll give him the drug. And I remember at that very young age, that was so exciting for me. It was so uh uh encouraging to me to want to do that, to uh want to sell drugs. And I remember at that age, after that night, and these these were nights when it was packed right there in Logan, uh, a lot of low riders, a lot of things happening. Um and so, but after that night, I the next day I remember going to my back my yard and getting some grass from the yard and putting it into foil paper and teaching myself how to hand off drugs and how to buy the drugs and how to do these things. And those are my um fun times. Those are what I would do instead of playing G.I. Joe's or marbles, that's what I was doing. And as I started growing into that, I started losing. Like I had a really close friend that lived across the street. He wasn't into that, he didn't get into none of that. And so we started get distancing ourselves because my interest was going somewhere else, and he still had the interest of a kid. Right. And so that's where I started to excel in that area.

SPEAKER_04 8:55

Now, you mentioned your uncle and your aunt. Um, can you tell us a little bit about them? Like, were they um you know involved with drugs as far as selling drugs? Were they gang members? What what was their profile like?

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Everything you just said, gang members. My uncle, he was from a neighborhood in uh they called Chikali, out of Mexicali. Okay. Uh in and out of prison, things like that. My tia, my aunt, she was a heroin addict, also in and out of prison, uh, all for most of the time that I ever knew her. Uh, their involvement in drugs, they would come live at our house sometimes, sometimes they'll leave. And uh when she would stay there, I remember at that very young age when I started getting involved in it, probably even before that, she would ask me to wrap the wire or the uh the band around her arm so that she can shoot up, uh, shoot up heroin. And that was normal to me. I didn't see that as a problem. I'll do that, help her uh shoot up heroin and then go outside and play. And then when I'm coming back inside home, because it's starting to get dark outside, I would uh see her nodding out with her husband um with a cigarette in their hand, and I'll grab a cigarette because it looks like it's gonna burn the sheet or blanket that they're on, sure, smash it, and then go back to the back of the house, you know, get something to eat, go to bed, and next day, same thing. That was normal to me. Uh at that time, my dad was already gone. Uh, well, they were already divorced, um, but he was still back and forth at the house. And so she was a heroin addict, her husband was a heroin addict. If we wanted something for Christmas, she'll tell us, hey, what do you guys want for Christmas? We'll give her a list and she'll go steal it from the stores, from the mall, and uh she'll bring it back, and those are our Christmas gifts. She taught me at a very young age. She'll say, Hey, you want something to eat? Yeah, let's go to the gas station and we'll go get uh uh hot dogs and things like that. And she'll show me how to still them. Still it. Still it. Go outside, eat it, pretend like you're putting in gas and eat it inside the store, and then go outside like you're putting in gas. And those were my routines. Those were the things that were taught to me. Uh, those very young age, elementary school, things like that. Again, I didn't think it was a big deal. My brothers, sisters were were also involved in it. Um my uncle as well, her husband, he was the same way, heroin addict, doing things like that. The gang life, and I know we're gonna go into that, right? Is I didn't learn how to dress like a gangster in the streets. I didn't learn how to sell drugs in the streets or do drugs in the street. I learned all that at home. Um, the Pendletons, the khakis, uh, the Ben Davis's, the Stacy Adams, the hairnets. I I didn't learn that in those streets. My dad will wear those things. If you wanted the Pendleton, we'll just go in his closet and steal them.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Stacy Adams will put on those because those are his. Uh, the hairnets, my uncle, again, who taught me those stuff, will show me how to put on a hairnet, uh, how to put on uh grease and my hair, three flowers, stuff like that. Those are all things that I learned at home before I ever started running the streets. So when I started running the streets and everybody was already doing it, I already knew it. And it was just like joining a bigger family when I started doing that. Uh, it didn't feel like I was joining a gang. I just felt like my family got bigger. Um so yeah, those are some of the things experiencing as a young age.

SPEAKER_04 12:24

Now, uh Juan, you brought up the the gang theme. Um what's your earliest experience of exposure to a gang? I mean, were you jumped in? Were you born in? What what uh how did how does it stick to the game? A little bit of both.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

A little bit of both. Uh, if I can explain it, sure. A little bit of both. It's uh jumped in, yeah, they they did some of that. My brother was the first one who who got jumped into the neighborhood that we were all grew up in, we're all from. Uh, he got jumped in by friends he went to elementary school with. We all knew each other very good. I would go to the park at a very young age because in those neighborhoods, ghetto kind of neighborhoods, they'll give away free lunches to kids in those neighborhoods at the park. Okay. And as we would go, all the all the all the uh homeboys were all there with their low riders hanging right there, uh, everything graffited up at the park. Things that I would see as just things getting inside of me, um, seeds being planted, I guess you will.

SPEAKER_04 13:24

Right.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

Um and yeah, I I when I went out there, I got jumped in just for the purpose to say I got jumped in. Not to try to be part of it, because I already felt part of it. Um it wasn't a a notion to uh something that I needed that acceptance in because I already felt that acceptance uh long before that happened. At a very young age, homeboys would come to the house, um, things like that. Growing up in my house, there was cops there at the very least twice a week. Twice. At the very least, uh if not more than that. Uh my dad would come by, cause drama. Uh I never seen him, we never seen him hit my mom. There came plenty of times where that came close. Uh he was always on drugs. The first person I ever seen uh overdose was him in our bathroom off of uh uh heroin as well. The first person I seen do lines of crystal math was him in our kitchen table.

SPEAKER_04 14:23

How old were you at that time?

SPEAKER_03 14:25

I believe around eight. Around eight. Uh eight, because when he when him and my mom divorced, our family was pretty good. We'll go camping, we'll go do different stuff for Christmas. So it was pretty good from what I remember. But after is when everything started going downhills, when I started seeing the drugs, when I started seeing all these uh uh situations come out. And uh, one of it was him doing crystal meth on the table, um, mixing the crystal with uh joints of weed. Um and yeah, a couple years later he overdosed in our bathroom. Uh we had to haul him out, call the paramedics, stuff like that. So those were things growing up to, and you know, it never seemed unusual. It didn't seem uh uh weird to us. And I kind of understand that uh later in life because we started uh years and years, and we'll get to that, I'm sure, but just giving relevance to this uh is we started doing missionary work in Tijuana and in one of the worst places in Tijuana uh where people lived in the dumps. Yeah, uh a place called Matamoros. And we would take them food and clothes and stuff like that. We did a lot of just trying to help them. But the kids there were very surprising. They'll come running to our vehicle, laughing, just happy. And I'm looking at them thinking, why are you guys so happy? You're living like this. From what I found out a little later, is they have nothing to compare it to. If you've always lived lived that way, you have nothing to really compare that to to say, oh, this is terrible. Uh, same with me growing up. I had nothing to compare it to because that's all I knew was that. Um and yeah, that those are the experiences right there. Um and then we start getting into drugs, started getting into uh violence, stuff like that. The going to sleep, going to sleep every night at my house had to do with um the police helicopters and the lights shining throughout the neighborhood, gunshots. My neighbors next to us were uh we refer to them as tweakers, uh, crystal meth, and they're up all night long. The neighbors across the street from us up all night long. Uh you hear them mowing their line at one o'clock in the morning, uh things like that on because they're on Crystal Meth. So those are the the things, again, I never thought that was unusual. I never thought it was uh And this was in East San Diego. This is in East San Diego. Um it's now referred to as City Heights, I believe. City Heights, yes. But yeah, it was in that neighborhood.

SPEAKER_04 16:54

You end up joining a gang. What's your earliest uh memory of violence while in the gang?

SPEAKER_03 17:03

While in the gang, um I think I was maybe 10 years old, and we were at the park and uh the park in our neighborhood. We were there, maybe about 20 of us there, and then a few of us, like five or six, we heard one of the homeboys got out, but he's on house arrest, so we said, hey, let's go check him out. Let's go see him. And this is at nighttime, and as we're walking up, a van pulled up, and they were from the neighborhood. I don't want to express the neighborhood, sure, but they rolled down the windows and yelled at their neighborhood and started shooting. Now I had my what they had cascade jackets back then, a black cascade jacket, and I was walking with it in my hand, and as they started shooting, we turned around and started running from the bullet. And next thing I knew, a bullet hit my jacket and put a hole in my jacket. I was there with my older brother as well and a few other homeboys, and that was kind of that was the first experience I had of being involved or being shot at. And now I heard people being uh shot at, or I've known people who were shot as a little kid. You hear those kind of war stories. And that incident, instead of making me scared and say, I never want to come out of here again, uh, this is too dangerous, this is too life-threatening, it did the opposite. It it gave me great encouragement. Now I can relate to the people who I highly respect. Now I can say, Yeah, that happened to me now. And that was very exciting. Uh other violence, it's hard to compare other violence when starting to run the games, because again, the violence will always be seen in my house. Sure. There was always fighting. There was always, you know, we have we're selling drugs and doing drugs, so that comes with the with the territory. Right. You have both of those that go together. It's like uh peanut butter, you're gonna have jelly, it's type of thing that relates to one the other to the other. But violence in the streets, the gang life, that was the first incident of being shot at. And I just started coming around the neighborhood at that time. Again, my big brother was right there, and uh it was thrilling to me. It was exciting to me. Of course, nobody got shot, thank God. But that started giving me more validation um to be able to put on my profile that I'm joining this uh this life. And uh was that time right there.

SPEAKER_04 19:29

So it gave you credibility on the street. Definitely, definitely. What's your first memory of someone actually getting shot?

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Uh first memory that I remember that was very serious was he was very close to me, very close friend of mine. They called him Little Payaso, uh Peter. And this was a night that turned into chaos. We started fighting with one of the local neighborhoods, and um that's when the guns came out. My brother was in uh at the end of the street fighting with two of them. And as soon as I see my brother, I'm running towards him while everybody was running back because that's where the bullets were coming from. And so as I'm running towards him, my close homeboy went to the ground, and I thought, that's smart. I should go to the ground too, dodge the bullets, get away from him, and then when they stop, I'm gonna go try to help my brother. So he went down right next to me, right here, and then I seen him and I went down. So I run towards my brother. He ended up chasing those guys, so he was no longer I couldn't catch him. Okay. So I turned back around walking, and I still seen him down below. He was face down. And I said, Why is he still down? I turned him over. He you couldn't really see his face. Um, he took pretty much the bullet for me as I seen it. From the little that I understand, I believe, and I could be wrong, it was a 357 bullet that hit his face and he was unrecognizable anymore. And so I called everybody, hey, help me pick him up. And uh he died. He had died at a very young age. I don't know how we were both the same age, maybe 11, 12, maybe. Okay. Uh that was my first experience that I remember of uh a drive-by and our gun violence and uh a death like that. And I just remember that so vividly uh for a few reasons, but one of the main ones is the bullet would have hit me. Sure. If he wasn't, if we weren't running and he re we crossed paths at the exact same time, if if that didn't happen, then the bullet would have hit me.

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Um now Juan, uh this incident, does it scare you or what does it do to you?

SPEAKER_03 21:53

At the time, it didn't scare me. It made me sad. I remember walking to the end of the end of the block, which is The park, and I was just I was I was sad. Um, and then my brother went looking for me. Hey, where are you at? And I hear other homeboys looking for me, but I just wanted to, it was just sad. It wasn't uh petrifying, it wasn't scary. It was more just that experience. I lost my good friend, really, really close friend. Um and then after that same night, it stirred up anger, uh, uh attitude of vengeance that everybody else had right there and wanted to go attack and stuff like stuff like that. Um being scared, yes, everybody's gonna be scared. Uh adrenaline, everybody's gonna get that. Fear, anybody who says they don't feel that is not telling the complete truth because it's always gonna be there. But it it was uh, from what I can say, an adrenaline rush to be able to be part of the car that now we're gonna go and attack, and now we're gonna go have have have this happen. When those bullets were flying, all I can think about was helping my brother because he was up ahead fighting. I didn't think about dodging bullets or hiding from the bullet. My friend who went down is the one that encouraged me to also go down. Uh, I would have never done that if if I didn't see him. But it wasn't it it was more of a um a thing that stirred up anger, except instead of the opposite of stirring up fear and uh regret.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

So Juan you live through this horrific experience, and as a young boy, how do you deal with it?

SPEAKER_03 23:41

I believe there's different ways to deal with it is more anger, uh more lashing out, more wanting vengeance. At the same time, there's drugs involved to want to get uh to lose conscience of that, yeah, to try to numb it. Um so you get involved in that and dealing with it. You know, there's a lot of stuff that did happen that I didn't know back then. I do now. Uh psychological, emotional, physical, these are things that you don't realize you're getting involved in until now. I see those as targets that had affected me. Um and that's what draw me drew me closer to more violence, to more crime. Uh again, I was very young age, and um I seen a good friend go down. Being involved in the neighborhood, though, those are almost what's gonna be expected. Anybody that joins them is almost like this this is the contract you're signing. It may or may not happen, but be aware, and if it does, we're gonna need you to be there to respond, type of stuff. It's not literally what happened, but uh it almost felt like subconsciously is what it what you expect from that. And again, was it a time that drew me far away from it that said I don't want nothing to do with this? It did the opposite and drew me closer to getting involved, uh, a stronger um uh drive to want to do more. And and at that young age, because you grew up hearing about this, you grew up at a very young age seeing it, it adds more credibility to your profile. Sure. It adds more um, yeah, I'm I am a gangbanger. Yes, and I do know what this is involving. And what that did would just stir up more uh involvement.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

Now, Juan, as you get more involved, you have more exposure to the big homies. Can you tell us a little bit about your experience as you're getting credibility and you're putting in more work? What's your interaction with some of the big homies and how do people treat you?

SPEAKER_03 25:51

If I can ask really quick, um, big homies, because there's different uh interpretations of that. Some of them are my actually big homies from my neighborhood, and then big homies also referred to as big homies from the Mexican mafia. Correct. Is that what you were?

SPEAKER_04 26:08

So that's I so I would I should have rephrased that because uh I want to start out with the big homies in the neighborhood. Okay, and then lead up to the the big homies. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

So the uh the recognition, the uh acceptance from the big homies, my big homies was always there. They've always treated me either like a little brother or a little nephew. I've always seen them like big brothers or uncles. Um I never remember at least uh feeling anything different than that. Uh there was times where I was walking up to a block at the corner, and uh the enemy neighborhood will pull up in a car load to get me, and behind me, all I see is the big homies trying to rescue me. Those were my examples. Those were because my father was already gone, because only the only examples I had was uh rejection or neglect. And then in the streets, I had acceptance and support, is who I look to and regard in high respect as my big homies. Now, to say that I never felt peer pressured. I never, hey, go do this to see if you're down, to go see if if you haven't. I never felt that. The only one I really felt peer pressure from was my brother.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Uh go do this, and you better win that fight. If you don't win it, then I'm gonna beat you and beat them. You know, all that was was the effort to try to make me tougher. Sure. And I know that. Um but as far as feeling peer pressured or threatened, uh, like if I don't do this, I'm gonna get this type of beating or rejection. I never felt that. It felt the exact difference. Nothing but support. Um, if I had an issue with somebody, those, as I mentioned, that car load came up and was gonna uh rush me, was gonna uh hit me. I don't know what they would have did, but the big homies came behind me and and started chasing them. Soon as that was over, we knew where they lived, and one of the big homies said, get in the car, we're gonna go take care of them. I said, Why? They said, because they were gonna hit you, me, you little kid.

SPEAKER_04 28:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

What that does to me is elevate my love and my drive to want to be part of this. Um, it's you're gonna do this for me, you know, type of feeling. And if you do that for me, I'm gonna give everything I have for you or for the streets, for these neighborhoods. And that happened at a very young age, and I started building those feelings, that drive, that connection to as we call them big homies, I just call them uncles, uh, family.

SPEAKER_04 28:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

Um, till this day, I still refer to them as family, um, things like that.

SPEAKER_04 28:45

At some point, you put in all this work and you end up getting into juvenile hall. Yeah. Can you tell us a little bit about your experience going into juvenile hall? What what what were you feeling? What was it like?

SPEAKER_03 29:01

Juvenile Hall was again almost expected. My brother was in juvenile hall, my cousins were in juvenile hall, my homies were all in juvenile hall. I'm looking at juvenile like, uh, I'm sure I'm gonna experience that. But leading up to that, I was stealing go to the mall from East San Diego to Plaza Bonita, take the bus, the trolley, steal stuff, and I get caught. Um then they have me painting the uh the jail cells. I don't know if you remember, there were jail cells in Kimball Park, or is it Kimball Park? Oh, in National City. In National City. National City. Right there, across from the uh, they had a little zoo right there across from there. It was a holding center. They had me painting those at a very young age as my discipline. If I'm walking late at night past Kerfew, they'll pick me up and take me to the holding tank for doing some other stuff. So these are all incidents leading up to Juvenile Hall. First time I went to Juvenile Hall, uh, maybe 11, somewhere around there, for burglary. Um, was burglarizing a house down the street from my house. They caught me because my neighbors knew already who I was. It was happening in daylight. So uh I think I spent 30 days there, uh, petrified when I first went in there. Uh I was alone and I went in there and um scared, didn't know what to expect. First time there. And I got into a fight in my first um the first week I was there, and they transferred me to where the older kids were at.

SPEAKER_04 30:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

And as soon as I went to the older kids were all my homies right there. So I started feeling, oh, this is, you know, I never liked it. Never, never gonna say, yeah, it was it was okay. And uh pretty no, never, never did. Uh didn't like it. It was 30 days I was in there, got out, and uh the day that I went into juvenile hall was the day my brother was getting out of campo.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

So he was getting out, I was going in. And uh, yeah, those were the first experiences. And then after that, again, I think I was 11. Uh, I would say from that age, I was raised by the institutions, by the, by the uh county as well as the states. From the age of nine, from that time to the age of 19, I was in and out. The longest I would uh be out during those time periods was maybe six months at one time. The rest was maybe a month, sometimes a week, and get busted again, locked up again. Um that became who raised me was the institutions.

SPEAKER_04 31:26

And if they're raising you, what's your uh lessons learned?

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Lessons learned, um a lot of the lessons that I learned were negative lessons. Sure. They were not good ones. Right. Um it was to do more crime, be more secretive in those crimes, um, how to uh get a try to get away with more stuff. Uh little by little, the last time, the worst time was in CYA, and that's the first time I said I'm never coming back, and I meant it. And I said, I'm never coming back. And I heard people say that a lot, and they were back the next week, and that was like almost a forbidden thing to say, and I knew that. But I said, if I have to, if I have to go out, dying, I'm not. That's how committed I was. And at that age, my brother was already doing life in prison, and I always wanted to follow his role. And uh whatever it took to be in there with him is what my goals were. That's my ambitions right there. But after doing that time there for that long, I said, this is not, I started realizing this is not it. This is terrible. You're you're you're a grown person. At that time, I was a young man, and I'm having to live like an animal in a cage and listen to what I'm being forced to eat, forced to do. Um, every door you walk in, your strip search. Um, it's I started getting tired of it. Just tired. But yeah, those were the kind of the experiences right there. Um from uh selling drugs. Uh, you know, I've always sold drugs um in and out. I always did them and sold them. And I know we'll get to this just really quick. It gave me selling drugs, taught me how to read body language, how to read environments at a very young age that I didn't know that's what was happening. Uh, I would talk to people and pick up on what their agenda was. Um, I will see body movements and see what their agenda was. Uh very young age that when I started selling drugs, and when I mean after that time in Chicano Park, it was maybe six months when I started selling drugs. And I had a the first time I had a uh a 38 on me, and uh one of the homies gave it to me. And then after that, another homie gave me a 357. I think that was about a year later. Those were always on me, and I'm selling Sherm, I'm selling uh crystal meth. We will cook crystal meth and sell it. If it wasn't that, then it was uh ounces of weed. Um in elementary school, I was selling ounces of weed. When I went into getting locked up, I started selling uh cocaine. I went into group homes, I was selling to the counselors. Um when I was in juvenile hall, just in juvenile hall, my dad would bring me uh weed. Um they they have pills. They were back then they're called rochas, and he would bring me the pills and they make you feel almost like you're drunk. And so I was selling that in there. Um when I went to YA, I would have teachers come in and bring in cigarettes, cigarettes is a big item, uh, other kind of drugs, and I was selling them, hustling. And that's something that I've always kind of kind of always done. And I'll lead up to why I mentioned that in when we move ahead.

SPEAKER_04 34:49

Of course, of course. Now, um at what point through your in and out of the uh incarceration situation, uh, do you get exposure to the Mexican mafia?

SPEAKER_03 35:05

So the Mexican mafia, something that I kind of always been around again. Okay. Um uh my dad was just a little bit involved, a little bit into it. A lot of stuff that he wouldn't bring around the house. He wouldn't show us, but there was a little bit of involvement in it. Um there was a there is a barbershop there in National City, and that was kind of a hub for the Emma members here in San Diego. My niece, her grandpa is the one who owns that barbershop.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:36

So we would go there, get haircuts. It was, you know, around that. His sons, the barbershop owners' sons, are from my neighborhood. They're they were they were kind of big homies to me. Okay. Uh the one that had me selling um Sherm was his son, uh, my niece's dad. And so the Emmanuel would be there. Uh there's a homeboy called Tawa. Tawa. I think he's he's passed away. Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure he passed away. But I remember him being there, he was a barber there as well. He would run to work athletically, you know, running, jogging. And he would run there. Um, and I would be there as well. Me and my cousins will go across the street. If you know anything about that barbershop, across the street is a school, elementary school, and they would have a handball court and we'll play handball. And he'll look at us, say, Oh, you're playing handball all wrong and teach us how to do it. Very, I never feared, had a fear. It was more of a respect, like, oh, he's teaching me how to play. Or they always taught me, because I was young, I was little. Yeah. They always taught me like a little nephew or something, um, until I started getting older, things like that. Uh but the MA, I didn't really have an interest in it at that time. I was so young. Um, it wasn't something that I looked at as, you know, I'm pursuing, so I didn't really have a major fear of it. I had a respect. It was the same kind of respect I had for my big homies, for my homies. Yeah. Um, not a respect out of fear or nothing. It was just, okay, they're doing their business, let them do their business. I would treat that the same way I would see my older cousins doing it. They're hand, they're handling their business, or my uncles doing it. My Tia doing it. Oh, she's handling her business. I'm not involved in that right now. Um, but yeah, that was kind of the first starting of seeing the MM, uh Mexican mafia. Uh, my family also involved with the cartels. Um, my uncle, my tio, he had gotten killed and shot there in San Isidro because he was trafficking uh the border right there with uh cartels. And um I was maybe around eight years old, and that had had happened. So he was involved. My other cousins were involved with the cartels. There was uh these things getting back at the young age. I wasn't really knowing who. I just know it was cartels. So, you know, because across the border, I'm not across the border. Later, I found out it was the Adriano brothers that they were involved in. My dad was involved with the Adiano brothers. Last time my dad was locked up in the feds, it was because him trafficking with them and for them. Um so those are my experience growing up. It was just like seeing my uncles. My and mostly in the MN, the Mexican mafia here. It was mostly seen in uh relating to them as my big homies or my family. Um didn't have too much involved in them, just by choice. Just it wasn't an interest to me at that time. Uh my interest was running the streets, selling drugs, uh, gangbanging, stuff like that. Right. It didn't graduate into that uh life, uh, thank God. Uh I was uh, you know, I was young. But it did with my brother, my older brother. Um he got life sentence for murder, and he got sentenced to life in prison, and that's when he just said, you know, I don't care what happens, I'm not ever getting now. So, and he started um really, as they referred to, writing in there. And he got the credibility to be uh a made member, voted on by the members there, and uh he became a uh an MM member, but he was locked up the whole time. I would write him letters, and that's about my only influence. I know he was involved in different stuff, transaction out here in the streets. Sure. Um, but at that time, when that was happening, I was no longer involved in that lifestyle. Uh I had got out of it already. He was doing transactions with my dad. Um my dad still was messing up, things like that. There was other homies that were involved, things, but it wasn't, I was no longer involved in that lifestyle. Um, but the M is kind of somebody who people who I uh I had an influence in with, I knew him. I lived there in Del Sol when my mom wanted to move us out of the neighborhood. She'd moved, we moved to Del Sol. And maybe about two years later, I was in and out. I started selling drugs out of our uh garage. And um, after doing that, we were selling crystal math. And one of the uh big homies, the anime, came by. He was from also Del Seul, called him Bat. And he he just came by just to see. Now, Bat from the Anime, he grew up with my Theas and my Theos, so he knew them all. Um he had good relationships with them as well. I didn't feel when he showed up to my garage like he was there to tax me or threaten me. He was just there to look and see. And that was that was about it. Shook hands really quick, and that was that was pretty much it.

SPEAKER_04 40:35

How old were you then?

SPEAKER_03 40:36

I believe I was 16. It was before I ended up going to YA.

unknown 40:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 40:41

Now, Juan, your road to redemption. Okay. When when does it start?

SPEAKER_03 40:48

I start, I was out of YA for about a year already, and what happened was an incident in here in Chula Vista. My mom, she was a manager on 3rd Street of a little hotel right there. Um, and there was a family that uh Ira, and this is nothing against Iraqis, nothing against them, but I had to say it just as reference. Okay, there was an Iraqi family who bought the hotel. And they were very nice to my mom, very nice to everybody because they were still in escrow during the time they were in escrow. As soon as they bought it, they wanted to force her out of uh of the place. From what I can understand, they didn't believe they didn't know anything about, you know, giving them at least 30 days um to prepare. They said, get out now because this is our building, out of their lack of knowledge, not because they're mean or anything. But it started to get very intense. My mom was saying, I can't just leave, you know. And that night they had um threw gasoline through the uh screen door, threw gasoline on her.

SPEAKER_04 41:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

And they had we ended up getting into a fight. Me, the father, and the son. Now, these are huge, huge men, both of them over 300 pounds, both over six feet, huge. But I ran up on them because this is my mom, and my thinking is, you know, I'm willing to do this for my neighborhood. How much more am I gonna be able to do or willing to do this for my mom? Right. And so I did that. We ended up fighting with the son, but the cops came and they broke it up, broke up me and the son from fighting. The father came out and he barely spoke English, and he was very uh aggressive. So the all the cops uh retaliated towards him. And that was uh uh opportunity for me to leave, and they never caught me or dated anything because I was fighting. They were more focused with that.

SPEAKER_04 42:42

Right.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

And so immediately that night I said, I'm gonna take care of them. And I called up one of the homies. I said, I need a piece, a piece meaning a gun. And uh he says, All I have right now is a semi-automatic, a tech nine. I said, Whatever you got, I'll take it. My thinking again is if I was willing to do this for my neighborhood and retaliate for them, how much more for my mom?

SPEAKER_04 43:07

Right.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

And so I was loading up the tech nine, he gave it to me. I was loading it up in the hotel, and that's when I had an experience with God. And I didn't believe in God. I I didn't because all I seen was fake people who said they believed in God. I seen all my homies who said they believed in God use it as a way to get out or use it as an excuse in court, things like that. Uh so I I didn't really believe it, and I that's when I had an experience with them. And it's not to go in too much detail, but that's when my life changed.

SPEAKER_04 43:38

So you turn you start to turn your life around and um you gotta let go of the old the old ways. How difficult is that journey?

SPEAKER_03 43:50

I think the difficult part of it is n trying to understand how to do it, at least for me. I wanted to do it, I had a desire to do it. And I just didn't know how to do it. And that was the that was the difficult part. I met my my, she was my girlfriend that night. Then when I was loading up those tech nines, I took her out on a date at Labella's.

SPEAKER_04 44:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

And I told her, hold on right here, and I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I didn't go to the bathroom. I went over there to confront them. And that's when the cops came and broke everything up. And I came back to her and she said, Everything all right? I said, Yeah, everything's good. I never told her. She doesn't come from that life.

SPEAKER_04 44:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 44:30

So what was we started getting together, me and my wife, and then she became pregnant. And those those are my um drive to do better, to do everything I can for my soon-coming kid. I didn't want that lifestyle to be a part of my family. Um, I was my life was started changing, my mind started shifting, things like that. And that's uh what started to drive me to want to know how to get out of this. I still had tattoos on me, had them behind my ears, those what the scars are, had them on my arms, stuff like that, on my hands. And I tried to get jobs, and I I nobody was hiring. A lot of reasons because of tattoos on me.

SPEAKER_04 45:14

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Uh, you know, that was back then. Now it's a fashion tattoos. Yeah, you got everybody doctors and lawyers tatted up, judges tatted up from the next down. Back then, it it wasn't, you know, it was frowned on. It was yeah, and couldn't get a job and stuff, but was doing everything I can to live a different life, even though I had no reference to that life. Uh, no example or nobody saying this is how you should do it, this is what you should do. It was a drive in me to do it no matter what. Um, and that's what kind of prompted me also to be where I'm at today is um I thought, again, if I was to willing to, when I lived in Del Seoul, walk to the trolley station, take the trolley down to downtown, and then take the bus to my neighborhood all those years for my neighborhood, what kind of excuse is it for me not to do it for my wife and chill ch child coming?

SPEAKER_04 46:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:12

And that's what I would do, whatever it took. And to uh take tool bags, because I was a painter at that time, walking all those distances, taking the trolley, the bus, and working those hours and then coming back the exact same way without a vehicle, without they didn't have Ubers back then. Sure. And so doing whatever it took, and that mindset started to change. The mindset came from again, it came from whatever it took. If I was willing to do whatever it took back then, now my wife and my child is here and coming. There's no excuse not to do it for what I had loved the most. Now I never really stopped loving my neighborhood. I never really stopped loving uh my homeboys and homegirls. I never, I still to this day have not stopped. It's just I love my wife and my child more.

SPEAKER_04 47:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

And that's what I went towards. That's what my attention went towards and my passion went towards.

SPEAKER_04 47:07

So your passion and your experiences are in this book. Yes. Tell us about this book, Juan.

SPEAKER_03 47:18

The book, um, if I can give a little background reference on it. Please. Um the book I had written about three weeks, I believe it was three weeks after brain tumor surgery. Yeah, um, this past uh February. And I'm still on recovery right now. But it took me four months to write it, publish it. And that sounds pretty fast, but it took me, I think, since 2002 to start thinking about doing it. So I'll write notes down, I'll write um uh phrases down, things like that, and put them all together. I wanted to write this book as soon as possible outside of uh being uh brain tumor surgery. I never thought I could write a book. I never uh it was something that was on the list of almost impossible to do for me. Okay. Um I've always highly regarded it. I just thought it was outside of my reach. You know, that cabinet there is too far for me to reach. Writing a book felt too far for me to reach. Um when I was in school, they always said I was dyslexia, had dyslexia. When I read, I read words backwards or out of the order of it. And then diagnosed me also with uh ADHD, so I couldn't pay, they'll say I couldn't pay attention. Right. Uh textbook knowledge, I I don't pay attention to good. Um if I learn something through textbook, I daze off. I start losing interest or stuff like that. Uh the way I learn is through uh watching or applying, watching and applying. Those are the ways that I've actually learned. So for for uh that was a goal. My only goal to write a book was just to say I wrote a book. Okay. Just to say that I became, it was, it's never to uh uh market it. It was never to um uh try to sell books. It that was not of my intention, is not my intention. It was just to say someday I wrote a book.

unknown 49:12

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 49:12

Something that seemed impossible for me to do because they all said I was unable to, to say sometime I that I actually did it. And so that was my motive towards it. Um the name of the book, I first had a title uh called Breaking Laws. I wanted to explain the laws that are broken and how we can go from breaking laws and how we see those laws broken. If you broke a law as a criminal, um, these there's all kinds of different kinds of laws. If you did them as a criminal, you can do them also as a positive contributing member and breaking these laws. If you already have the mindset that can break a law for the bad, you can also have a mindset to break the laws for the good. And what I mean by that is generational laws. Things that said because you're in this generation of gangbangers, of criminals, of drug users, what is the law that's gonna break that cycle? And that's what I started to put together, and that's what I was trying to am trying to express in the book is breaking those cycles. And because you are a lawbreaker, you already know how to break a law. So don't say with an excuse, oh, I don't know how to do that. Sure. Yes, you do. Every door you walk in as you're uh incarcerated, you have to strip down, you have to uh um reveal yourself, and still in those situations, you're still able to excel with uh contraband. Sure. Um you're you're in a place that was structured by engineers, spent multi, multi-million dollars of how to create this environment for you not to communicate and yet you still find ways to communicate through wheelers, through kites, through you know, emptying your toilet seat and talking to the person next to you or down below and passing contraband. So if you're able to do that with that tenacity and with that passion, um you can do it in a positive way. You can do it. It's just understanding, and this is what it's kind of bringing light to is understanding that. Um as I mentioned earlier, I learned at a very young age how to hustle, how to read body language, how to sell. I learned that at a very young age, and I was always told that is a bad thing. I was always told this is not good. This is against what you who you really are. And come to find out those things that was labeled as a bad thing, it was part of me already. It was something that I already was there. And I thought that I it was too bad of a thing to bring it into business. Come to find out, that very thing that I thought was bad is the very thing that has brought marketing and sales to companies and to clients of mine that are nationally known, not just public, not just in a county or in our city, but known in the nation that that we are now on their list of it because I took what I knew as a little kid in marketing and applied it the exact same way into these areas that I see and I've I'm hearing most people will have to get a degree to learn how to do, but it was natural for me. And this is what I'm trying to bring highlight to in the book. Um, excuses, there's a difference between reasons and excuses. Reasons is something that's pretty much out of my control. For instance, I have a broken down vehicle, I can't get there. And that's that's a reason. An excuse is something where it is in your control and you don't do it. There's an excuse to it. A result is something that you worked for uh a lot of time referencing in sports or business, and now you got the results. Something like my boss gave me a pay Friday off because I turned in my report early. Those were the results of it. And that's I'm only saying that to give uh a point of reference to the title of it. Right. Um, but yeah, that that was the drive for it, is is putting that the book is is not long, it's kind of short, it has bullet points of of these experiences. And I open up myself to mention my past as a point of reference so I can relate to those who may be going through those things, have been going through those things, want some type of reference, some once some some kind of uh highlight to be able to make it in what they are pursuing, which is just to be a person uh trying to get a job, just to be a person trying to be a good dad, a good husband, a good person overall. And and if you're just going through those type of things, this is what I want to try kind of contribute to um is those lights, those experiences, um and giving what has helped me.

SPEAKER_04 54:11

So Juan, people that are struggling in life, if they take from these lessons no excuses, just results. Um no matter what your struggle is, you can at least be able to wake up and face them.

SPEAKER_03 54:30

You you had a uh, I believe he was in the SEAL. And I believe he got shot in the head or by the head.

SPEAKER_04 54:38

Uh I had a um, yeah, someone that was in Bud's training that was a sergeant, that is a sergeant with San Diego Police Department that was shot in the head.

SPEAKER_03 54:46

And he had to recoup, had to learn how to walk again, relearn, function again. Yes. And that person had a huge excuse not to. And I don't believe in the seals or the training that they teach you, they don't shoot you in the head and say, This is how now how you had to learn it. It was an experience that he never was trained for. He never prepared or not prepared for, but think he was gonna have to experience that and learn that. But he did. And he used what he had. He didn't have his legs to operate, his arms to operate, but he had eyesight. He had a functioning uh mind to say, this is what I need to keep doing. And that is, by the way, if he's watching it, encourage me. Um that's what he had to use and to work with. And he's getting, uh he's come a long way and now he's successful. He's he's walking, he's functioning because he used the little that he had to do that. And I say that because again, I wrote this book just weeks after having brain tumor surgery, um, and I couldn't function. The doctor says to to exercise more to help my body, body get stronger, but I couldn't walk that good. I my wife would help me just to go to the restroom. Um, I couldn't go up and down the stairs without help. And they said to exercise your mind by playing cards, by doing reading, by doing different stuff, and this is gonna start exercising mind. And I said, I like to write a book. They said, no, that's kind of too much. It's like they only told me that I could I can lift five pounds. I couldn't lift anything more than that at the time. Uh they said, if you bend down to get something, squat and get it. Don't put your head down. You can't do that. And so them telling me that I can't write anything is what kind of a motivation as well. Because I wanted to put the spirit of no excuses into the title and to every word of doing it at a time that was brain surgeons saying it's almost impossible for you to do, and seeing if I can do it. Right. Um, when I was started to do it, I couldn't sometimes finish a sentence in writing. I couldn't sometimes finish a paragraph. My head will start tingling so much it started vibrating. My eyesight will start going blurry. Um and sometimes I could just do it for five minutes and it'll be too much. So I'll put it down. I'll get very, very tired um during the day, off and on. And so my mind, my body, and everybody else says, stop, because you need to rest. You need to recuperate. I don't want to take anything away from that because they're right. But my spirit kept saying, do it anyways. Right. Keep doing it anyways, because the title is saying no excuses. So I use what I had. As I was mentioning, the man who got shot in the head, he used what he had. So the little that I had, I'm still gonna use that part. The the other requirements that I need, it's not functioning right now, but don't let that be an excuse. Use what you do have, and if that's what you have, do it anyways. And the results, well, the results is a finished book. That's that's the whole that was the whole purpose. And again, it was to say someday I can write a book. That was the motive of it. Um, and that's yeah, and it explains different things like that.

SPEAKER_04 58:09

Well, Juan, I think uh your story is a blessing, a blessing for us to hear. Thank you. Um you know it's an example of that mental warfare that uh is internal, and some of us don't survive it because we don't overcome our challenges and we come up with the excuses. I want to finish off by going through a series of short questions, sure, and um I want to start out with the first question from a young peace officer who uh wanted to be part of this and ask uh a question.

SPEAKER_02 58:50

And here it is. What would you tell nine-year-old you looking back at your life now? Would you try to tell younger you to stay away from it?

SPEAKER_04 59:03

So uh this young police officer wants to know what would what advice would you give your nine-year-old self today if you could have that conversation?

SPEAKER_03 59:13

That's kind of tough because at nine years old, the only thing I wanted to hear was to continue in what I was doing. Right. Of course, now that I know, I would say to ignore that, to uh get out of it, to be strong, um, concentrate on uh a more productive life. It's hard to say because that I didn't know a productive life. Uh nine years old me was so involved in it. When my mom moved us out of the neighborhood to another neighborhood, all we try to do is get back to our old neighborhood, to the old violence, to the old crime. We did everything we can to get back to it. Uh, if they were to move me to La Jolla, Rancho Santa Fe, my whole goal would be to move back. To go back. No matter how good I had it in those, you know, pristine areas. Uh, it's kind of hard to say. I would like to say now, get out of it. And I say that by example, by bringing, taking my sons never close to that lifestyle. Anyone that wanted to propose that to them, I'll immediately move uh separate it, no matter who it was.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:18

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:19

Because I know the outcome of it. Um, and that's that's where my heart is, that's where my drive is. Um, I hate that life. I hate being involved in it because of what it caused. But yeah, that's that's it's kind of a perplex type of uh because of that. But as I know now, avoid it as much as possible. Avoid it.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:39

Now, Juan, what about what's the biggest uh misconception about gang life?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:46

Great question. Biggest mix it uh misconception is feeling a part of something, feeling validated, feeling uh a purpose, which is I'm gonna flat out say a lie. Yeah. And I think the reason why we we pursue that, one reason that I know is because if you go into the prison system, the institutional system, you'll see about 90% of prisoners in there don't have a father. And a father, I believe, is where we get our identity from. That's the purpose why a father is the one that passes on the last name. Who's your father? Well, I come from the father of this person and that person. In old biblical times, they'll refer to people like uh Israel. Who was your father? Well, my father was Isaac, and Isaac, who's your father? My father was Abraham. Our father is who we get our identity from. Um also in the Bible it says you have 10,000 instructors, but not many fathers. Why is it saying that for? Book of Malachi also says that I'm gonna turn the hearts of the fathers back to the children and the children's hearts back to the father. He said, if that doesn't happen, I'm gonna take care of the earth with a curse. This essential, vital principle is what I believe creates these misconceptions of who we really are. Of in trying to chase that brand, that purpose is because we never had it. We don't have a purpose saying this, a person saying this is who you are, this is your um uh life, this is what your potentials are, this is what your talents are, this is where your strengths are, as well as where your weaknesses are. That's I believe the role of a father. And those are the outcomes of gangs, uh, the outcomes of crime, I think, comes from the lack of fathers. Now, that's not to say everybody didn't have one, um, but the majority is the misconception is from gangs is seeing running after uh validation, which is false, and the time that you realize it's false when you're sitting there all alone, and you realize this was all just uh something from my demise, and it's following something, the role of it, the promise of it is death or a terrible life. Yeah, that's the result of it, and it's guaranteed. So that's what I would say uh in that regard.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:16

What about what's the most important lesson that you learned in your journey?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:23

The importance of honor. Um biggest lesson that I have learned and I'm continue learning is honor. Um, I believe the result of failure is lack of honor, and the res the the result of success is honor. I can predict almost anybody's future by seeing who they honor. Um is it honoring uh somebody with the cartels or is this honoring a CEO? I can tell. And the um the proof of it is how they follow that person. And I can kind of already predict where they're going by who they honor.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:08

Juan, one person who changed your life.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:12

I would have to give that credit to a man named Ernie Gonzalez. He was a his ministry was the juvenile hall ministries. And every time I get busted, he was there talking with me. Now he's the dad of one of my uh homeboys. He lived in my neighborhood. He was from a neighborhood outside of uh where I was born and raised. Um his son, his daughter was all from my neighborhood, so I knew them very good. But every time I see him, he would be in the institutions. That was his ministry. And when I started changing my life, that's who was there and that's who influenced me. He's no longer alive, but I would have to say him. Um best decision you ever made. The best decision, the immediate decision that came to my mind was that I can think of is immediately is change giving my life to God. Favorite quote. For right now, at this present time, my favorite quote no excuses, just results.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:15

I like that. Yeah, I like it. I like it. I I've seen it somewhere. Yeah, I think you heard of it somewhere. Somewhere. Um what do you want your legacy to be?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:27

I would say my legacy to be is to be known as a man of honor.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:33

That's respectful. Absolutely. Um what keeps you motivated today?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:41

Is I have an anchor that's always been my anchor, and that's my wife and children. Uh if there's something that doesn't benefit them, or if there's something that's gonna hurt them, I can distinguish which way to take it. And that doesn't have to always mean a bad thing that's gonna hurt them, it can mean an opportunity that's coming towards. Me, but if it's gonna affect their lives, my anchor is something that I'll choose not to do. And I've been in predicaments where I did choose, thinking that this was gonna be a good thing, and it turned out is I should have not listened to it. And I see that. Um I don't know next to nothing about PTSD. I know a little bit about it. I've experienced it as well, unfortunately. But I see just a little bit of what can kind of help with it, and that is being what I heard Bruce Lee say one time, being liquid, always being liquid. Um, I experienced a little bit about this when I started joining the corporate world, the executive world. I started as a very small laborer and worked my way up through promotions and uh excelling in this uh trade to being an executive, finding the corporate jets, living in a pristine neighborhood, stuff like that. And when the recession hit uh in 07, people that I knew very, very well ended up committing suicide, um, losing their minds or just going back to what they knew, selling drugs or stuff. I know that physical or psychological effect, because it affected me as well. I didn't go turn out to do something extreme like that, but physically, I it it was tormenting. But what kept me grounded was I'm not that person first. I'm not an author first. I'm I'm something before that. I'm I wasn't an executive first. That's not that's just something who I became. So it's not something that I can fully uh uh put my um my dependability on as well as my identity on because I'm I'm more than that as well as I'm other stuff. First, I'm a man and a man that wants to carry integrity. Um after that, I'm a husband. After that, I'm a father. So if I lose all this, I need to relate back to who I am after all this is gone. And those that's what helped me is relating back to the the hard stuff that I had to go through, but I'm going through it because of this. Not because, oh, I lost my identity as an executive or something else, uh, as an owner now. I it's if that comes and goes, which it very likely could, I have to identify as who I was before that. And that hasn't gone. Um and first, before becoming a husband, becoming a father, I was first a man of integrity. So if all that, God forbid, is gone, I need to rely on that. And that's what I think helps with our identity. The things that we think we lost is who we think and who we actually are because we went through so much and we gave our lives for this thing. But who was I before that, though? Yeah, and that's what I relate to.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:52

Couldn't agree with you more, Juan. You gotta know what your purpose in life is. Yes, sir. Who you are, yes, sir. What do you value the most? Yes, those are the most important things in your life, and no one can take that away from you. Yes. In closing, Juan, anything else that you would like to um share with the audience regarding your journey that we didn't maybe uh touch up on?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:20

You know, there's a lot of different stuff on that that I would like to give highlights to that'll really help my credibility, things like that. Sure. But I don't want to really mention that as much as I want to show you honor, gratefulness, humbleness to be on this, uh, the appreciation to be called to this. And I wrote this in the book to you, just a real, really quick. It says, the more you help other people become successful, the more success finds you. And that was a uh a note out of, I believe it's chapter 15 in the book. And I wanted to say that to you because how much people you help constantly. Um thank you, Juan Cephas, for putting on the jacket to help with your entire life. And I wanted to really express that with my signature right here to you and give you this in a small token of honor. Uh, something that I do when I see law enforcement because of the honor that I have for all law enforcement, is um the life, the career, the profession of taking on something that can very easily take your life on behalf of somebody else is a great appreciation. And I do that and just want to give this small thing out to you um to say thank you. It's a small gesture, but it's just a a token of appreciation to the blue.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:48

Juan. You're awesome. Thank you, sir. God bless you. God bless you. Thank you for being here. Yes, sir. Um, listen, everybody, stories like this are rare. But you know what? They really help us put things in perspective, appreciating life, understanding who we are and where we're going, loving one another. That's something that we don't do enough of. Um I want to thank you all for um tuning in. And uh please, if you are feeling suicidal, 988 without that number. If you're having struggles and you need to somebody you need to speak with somebody in law enforcement that can understand, that's a professional that's been trained in some of the issues that we struggle with. Call that number. Um, I want to end this episode with a prayer from our brother in law enforcement and our brother in God, Greg Adminson. Thank you for watching. God bless you.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:08

We come before you with gratitude for the brave men and women who have answered the sacred call to protect and serve. You said in Romans 13, verse 4, that the one in authority is God's servant for your good. Lord, we thank you for every officer who stands the line. We thank you for every officer who runs toward the sound of danger when others run away. We thank you, God, for every officer who brings order out of chaos, and who seeks justice with compassion. Father, as warriors in a fallen world, we draw our strength from you. Your word declares in Psalm 144, verse 1, Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for every battle. Train our hands, Lord, not only for the battles of the street, but for the battles within. Give us courage when fear whispers, give us patience when tempers rise. Grant us wisdom when decisions must be made in an instant. Lord, we ask for your divine protection over every officer in the field. Surround them with your angels as a shield, as you promised in Psalm 91, and let your peace guard their heart and mind in Christ Jesus. When they grow weary, remind them that those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles. Almighty God, you are our strength, you are our shield, you are our ever-present help in times of trouble. Father, when the day's work is done, bring them home safely, restore their spirit, renew their joy, and remind them that they do not fight this battle alone. For you go before them, you go beside them, you are with them. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our commander and king. Amen.