What If It Was Never You?

What If It Was Never You?

A gentle meditation for letting go of self-blame after narcissistic abuse

There can be questions that can linger long after everything ends…

Was it me?
 Was it my fault? Did I somehow deserve this?

A quiet replaying of what happened…
 searching for the moment something could have gone differently.

And sometimes, even deeper than that…
 a more painful question:

What is wrong with me?

If that experience feels familiar, you are not alone.

This meditation is a gentle space to sit with those questions. 

Together, we soften the weight of self-blame…
 and create space for the possibility that what you’ve been carrying may not have been yours to carry in the way you have been carrying it.

Helpful Links for More Resources on Your Journey:

Download your 5 Minute Reset: https://www.katehamiltonmedia.com/5minutereset

Website: https://www.katehamiltonmedia.com

Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/freedom-from-narcissistic-abuse-with-kate-hamilton/id1838628886

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katehamiltonmedia/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579615245798

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/katehamiltonmedia/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@KateHamiltonMedia

Blog: https://katehamilton.mykajabi.com/blog

Start your healing journey with the Self-Healing Starter Kit → https://katehamilton.mykajabi.com/self-healing-starter-kit-sales-page

Deepen your peace with Survivor’s Sanctuary → https://katehamilton.mykajabi.com/Survivorssanctuary

Disclaimer: This podcast offers educational and supportive content only. It is not therapy, counseling, or medical treatment. If you are experiencing mental health symptoms or are in crisis, please seek help from a licensed professional or crisis service in your area.

healing from narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse recovery, meditation for trauma healing, guided meditation for survivors, you are not broken, kate hamilton. This podcast is for educational and emotional support purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or therapeutic care.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You might notice questions that keep returning. Was it me? Was it my fault? Did I do something to deserve this? Quiet turning inward, replaying what happened, revisiting what you said. Wondering if something you did or didn't do changed everything. If these questions have been here even in the background, know that you are not alone. This meditation is for you. Welcome, I'm Kate. These are the words I once longed to hear, and I offer them now to you for your support and reflection. As always, this meditation is not a substitute for professional mental health care, medical care, or therapy. And now settling into a quiet and safe place, a place where you are not likely to be disturbed. Curving out this time just for you. That grounding breath anchoring us into the present moment. A gentle breath in. Closing your eyes if that feels comfortable for you, or simply softening your gaze. Settling in a little more deeply now to what is supporting you. The chair, the bed, the couch, the floor, the earth below, setting aside the busyness of the day, beginning to soften any of the tension you may be arriving with today, softening the muscles of your face, your jaw, your neck, loosening the shoulders, the arms, the hands, softening the chest and the belly, the hips, the legs, the feet, following a gentle breath in, and a gentle breath out, arriving even more fully now into this moment, this time and place carved out just for you. And bringing awareness now to the quiet questions that linger. Was it me? Was it my fault? Did I somehow deserve this? Should I have known better? A wondering, a replaying, perhaps moments turning over in your mind, conversations revisited, looking for the places where something might have gone differently. You may find yourself thinking, if I had said that differently, if I had tried harder, if I had done something differently or known better, maybe it would have worked. Maybe it wouldn't have been like this. It can feel almost automatic. It can feel almost automatic because it offers something. A sense that there was a way to fix it. A way to prevent or change it, a way to make sense of what didn't make sense. And underneath that there is often something very tender, a longing, a normal human longing, for it to have been different for connection for understanding for joy for love. Sometimes even deeper than that, there can be a quiet turning inward where the question is no longer just what happened, but what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? If this has been here even quietly, know that you're not alone. Noticing where these questions may live. Perhaps in your chest, a tightness or a heaviness, or in your stomach, a subtle unease, discomfort, in your shoulders or your neck, with tension, or somewhere else entirely, just noticing, noticing where these questions may live. No need to push them away or make them disappear. Just allowing them to be there if they exist, while also breathing, while also following the gentle breath in, and the gentle breath out. Also noticing what is steady, the rhythm of your breath, the presence of your body, the quiet awareness that is here beneath everything. Even with the questions that may exist, there is a part of you that is simply here, aware and present, a human being having a human experience. And now let these words land softly, holding on to what resonates, letting the rest drift by. Things that may have not had anything to do with you? Things that may have not had anything to do with you? What if the choices you made and the way you responded made sense, given where you were at at the time, and what you were inside of? What if the choices you made and the way you responded made sense given where you were at at the time and what you were inside of? And connection. For hoping. Or manipulated, or treated in ways that take you away from yourself. There's nothing about you that makes you deserving of being hurt or manipulated or treated in ways that take you away from yourself. You're not broken. You're not what happened to you. By your birthright, you are worthy of love, safety, kindness, respect, dignity. There's nothing wrong with you, dear one. You are not broken. You're not what happened to you. By your birthright, you are worthy, worthy of love, safety, respect, kindness, dignity. No matter what, no matter what mistakes you have made, no matter what you did or didn't do, even if a part of you doesn't fully believe that yet, you are worthy no matter what, no matter what mistakes you have made, no matter what you did or didn't do, you are fully worthy. No matter what. Even if a part of you doesn't fully believe that yet. Awareness to your body, the space around you. Opening your eyes if you've had them closed, brightening your gaze, noticing if anything has shifted, even slightly. Maybe just a little more room, a little more humanity, a little more softness. And so you are, dear one. May you begin to loosen what was never yours to carry alone. May you meet yourself with gentle loving kindness and compassion rather than criticism. May you allow yourself to simply be human, healing, learning, and growing. May you allow space for beginning to see yourself in a different way, gently, in your own time.