I Meant Procrastination, Not Prostitution

Episode 50 lands like a mirror: I listen back to my own voice and barely recognise the version of me who keeps thinking, learning, and planning while staying stuck. So I draw a line in the sand. This version of me moves. If you’ve ever told yourself you’ll start after you feel ready, after you fix your hair, after you perfect the plan, you’ll hear your own patterns in mine and you’ll feel the relief of choosing action anyway.

I break down the procrastination loop I lived in for years: learn, plan, raise the standards, add conditions, delay the action, then go back to learning to feel productive. I talk about why “self-improvement” can quietly become avoidance, how overexplaining keeps us safe from being seen, and why messy execution is often the fastest path to real confidence. I also share what clicked for me after discovering The 50th Law by Robert Greene and 50 Cent, and how that idea helped me stop negotiating with excuses and start pushing forward.

We also get practical. I reflect on routines and habit stacking, the basics that keep your body and brain steady enough to follow through, and why compassion matters without turning into a hiding place. I’m clear about mental health support too: if you’re struggling or feel unsafe, reach out and get help. The episode closes on identity, visibility, and a small but powerful experiment: wearing bright colours, feeling “seen,” and realising I don’t have to hide anymore.

Subscribe for the upcoming shift, share this with someone who’s stuck in the learning loop, and leave a review if the message hits. What’s one imperfect action you’ll take today?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

This is episode 50. I'm Tina. And I'm gonna be honest, I almost didn't recognize my own voice listening back. I've been doing a lot of talking and a lot of thinking and not enough of actually moving. But that changes now. So if you've been stuck in that same cycle, we're done with that. This version of me, she moves. Let's get into it.

The Moment I Choose Movement

SPEAKER_01 0:38

How many of you have old patterns of just learning and repeating and doing it again and procrastination? And you don't even know that you're procrastinating. So I used to have an old pattern. I would move and then I would be like, okay, I gotta stop. I have to do this. Like, for example, if I had to post a video, oh my god, I gotta change my hair, I gotta change my shirt, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. And then I would, by the time I either do it or think about doing it, I would not end up doing it. So now I just start

The Six-Step Procrastination Pattern

SPEAKER_01 1:12

where I'm at. My old pattern was I had like actually six steps. I would learn and I would plan. I've been doing learning and planning all for seven, eight years. And then I would raise the standards, and then I would add the conditions and delay my actions. Then after all that, I would feel behind because by the time, like I said, I would not even start. And then I would go back to learning to be and feel productive. And that's what I want to talk about today because I'm your friend. I'm here to talk to you as a real person. I don't want to sound all AI or like every other coach or mentor out there because I'm not. How am I different? I'm going through it. And I don't want to overexplain. I don't need to sell myself. If you watch my journey, you'll see, just like I said, if you hear how better and how much more confidence I've gained. And that now I think I'm really on to something where I actually get up and I do the action. If it's messy, it's messy. If my hair is flying in 10 directions, sometimes yes. I'm gonna be honest. I'll look, I'll be like, oh, oh my gosh, I have to fix my hair at the very least. And then I'm like, wait a minute. There was there is a speaker. His name's Gillian Blanc. Blanc. Gillian himself, he goes by. And he said, basically, where you're at. So where I am right today, I'm wearing whatever I'm wearing. I'm ready to talk however I am. I don't need to try to adjust anything. Like, this is the goal. Where I am right now, who I am, what I'm doing, how I look, this is my goal right now. And this is my goal. I'm not here to look perfect. And by no means am I gonna be perfect. I'm like, oh my god, I have to make a podcast that's perfect. No,

Make It Real, Not Perfect

SPEAKER_01 3:03

no, I want to make a podcast that's real. So now I'm not doing the messy stuff first. Like, actually, I'll just be messy. Step one, I just create and then I post, and then I approve the next one. Or I add additional clips, but there's no more not starting. And what I want to get into is what I have been doing for oh my gosh, seven years. I have been studying self-growth. I have broken patterns, I have done shadow work, I've been to counseling, I'm constantly studying. Instead of action, I didn't even realize this. Yes, action is great. Learning, reading, of course. But I'm reading and learning the same things. And what I realize is it's almost giving me the excuse to not do anything. It's like a vicious loop. I will get up, get up in the morning, then I'm like, okay, I'll put on something that I need to listen to, an audiobook. I'll take notes, I'll watch videos, I'm watching TikTok videos, and I actually got disgusted because it's like I'm in my midlife and I'm guilty of doing that. And if you're feeling like you're not you, just be you. It's so generic. And that's what I can't do generic anymore. I'm done explaining. I don't want to overexplain anymore. And earlier I was making a movie about our show about overexplaining. Well, I'm overexplaining about overexplaining. No more loops. We're shutting down the loops. So if you feel this way, you are not alone. This is perfectly natural. But what it is doing is it's keeping you stuck. And I find it so ironic because this is the 50th episode, and I have recently discovered, and everybody is talking about it, and that's maybe why I discovered it. I had not heard of the 50th law with Robert Green and 50 Cent. I have heard of the 40 laws of power. Yes. I did not know there was a 50th law. That's what actually got me up, taking some action. In the past few days, I could see just a huge difference.

When Learning Becomes Avoidance

SPEAKER_01 5:35

I didn't take one action. I pushed. I didn't start a 10-minute timer to get going. I started, I heard excuses. I want to do this, I want to do that. No, I am on a strict, I'm ready to get organized, I'm ready to figure this out. I am not staying stuck. I figured out what helped me to stay stuck was prostitution. Oh my god. I I would edit that out, but I still don't know how to edit. Procrastination. Wow. Oh my god, I can laugh at myself. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. Procrastination. Here I'm like, oh, I'm not procrastinating. I'm busy. I'm learning towards my future. Well, if you're learning and learning and learning and you're not acting, what are you learning? You're not taking action, you're not learning. Like your mind is learning certain things, but if you're not executing, you're not learning. And I don't mean to be breachy. I'm just like, this is exactly wow. I feel like I have just realized a huge difference. What's been stuck maybe in my whole life. I'm 54. Maybe this has been my whole pattern of my life. I just think, plan, and don't act. Or I act and I don't have any routines. I do have some routines, but then when I don't go through my routine, yeah. Do I want to be so rigid? No, but I realize that if some good things are good, and I do like the stacking of habits. I'm going to get up in the morning, I take my medicine. Because if I don't take my medicine, I'm not going to be good for the day. That way I've done that. I eat something. How many of us don't eat? You get up in the morning, you're like, ah, I don't need to eat. And you just go about your day, and then maybe three hours later, you're about to crash. And then sometimes you could pass out. So take care of the basics first. Yes, when you're learning something new, of course we're going to learn. And that's what I'm going to do. If I'm learning the same stuff over and over, like I know to take action, I know to have routines. I know this is shadow work. I know where some of the wounds have come from. I don't want to be the story

Routines, Basics, And Compassion

SPEAKER_01 7:55

of pain. I am not that story. I don't want that to be what I identify with. I don't want to identify with, hey, I'm Tita, and I've been through this, this, and this, and this is why I'm like that. And because of that, I'm like this. We could do that forever. There's always a reason. There's always excuses. We are no different. The only ways that we're different is we have different things in our life. But everybody is going through something. You don't think Elon Musk or who else, you know, Benzos or anybody like that didn't go any through through anything or Jim Rohn? Of course they did. Obstacles are coming every day. It's how do we handle them? I'm not saying don't have compassion for yourself because of course we need compassion, but we also need action. If you need mental help, it's okay to go get some therapy. I have done therapy, and if it's not for you, it's not for you. But I do recommend if you're having or struggling, of course. And that's one thing I will adhere to on my podcast. If you're having trouble, if you feel like you're gonna hurt yourself or hurt somebody else, or you just can't get over your brain, call somebody, call your best friend, call, make an appointment, see what kind of insurance you have. States have free services. Don't just sit there and dwell on it because I know dwelling doesn't help. So I'm gonna get off my little preachy box, but I'm preaching to myself, but I'm just sharing my podcast with you while I'm preaching. This obviously is to help you. Anything I do for myself, I will not ask. You know, I would not do it. And then, oh, you should do this, but I haven't tried it. No, I'm doing the thing. So right now, real time. Am I all polished? No, but am I stronger? Yes. And that weak person inside, she's down there, but she's down there deep because you know what? Every day I'm getting stronger. It's been a year and a half since I left my toxic pattern. I am good at breaking toxic patterns. I'm not gonna hold myself down anymore. I'm coming up, I'm gonna be me. And you know what everybody says, life's short. You know what? Let's look at that for a minute. It is short. It's so short. Why do we care what about what everybody thinks about us? Why do I care? If somebody that I know listens to this is like, oh, Tina had a podcast and she, oh, I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

I believe we have gifts. I know I have a gift. I'm I'm bound to use it. I'm gonna use it. And I hope this helps somebody. If this helps one person, I have helped serve the community. I have helped, I feel like we have a purpose, and I feel like my purpose, I know my purpose. I know I'm meant to be a coach, a mentor, somebody who shares the lived experiences, someone who can be vulnerable, just a little bit, just to let you know that you are not alone. Also, the other side of that is there is another side. I am not just my pain, I am my strength. You are your strength. You are not just your pain. Your pain is in your body, and that's what makes us strong. I know some pain is harder than others. Excuse me, I have to sneeze. Some pain is harder. But all pain is pain. And I'm getting shivers. I know I'm on the right thing. When my body starts to shiver, I'm on the right thing. I want to invite you to listen to my podcast series. There's really going to be a switch here. I feel the switch inside. I know there's still that old identity back there. So there's a struggle right now. There's definitely a power play where I want to be more matter-of-fact. But then there's that part C right there where I want to explain war. And I think that's natural. So as you're shedding an old pattern, you're headed to the new pattern. In the middle of this, I wanted to stop and give up. I felt so overwhelmed. It was like a tug of war. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I know I'm

Becoming Seen Without Hiding

SPEAKER_01 12:16

almost there. I can, I wrote this down. I can taste it. I can taste how close I am.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

I'm still here. Are you still here?

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Maybe there's something that you want to do and you can taste it, but you want to give up because the old you is trying to pull you back there, and then the new you is not even there yet, and you're stuck in this middle. Maybe you had to leave old friends, and maybe you had a period of just no friends and you had to go within. And now maybe you're on the other side and you're looking for new friends, but you're still pulled back to that old pattern, but it doesn't fit you anymore. These are hard things, these are not easy. These are things that we're familiar with. I've heard so many videos tell me it's because you're familiar. Today, for example, I always wear black, dark clothes. Well, I ordered color, some clothes with color. I tried on so many different clothes, and each piece of clothing was like a bright color, like a hot pink. Then there was a hot pink and yellow and vibrant beige color together. And right now, I kid you not, I am wearing a green shirt. It is long, it has flowers on it, yellow, pink, green. It's it's not my normal thing that I would wear. You know, it was weird at first. I was uncomfortable, and I realized one thing I said to myself, and I feel like our body gives us clues, our body gives us answers.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

And I'm gonna share this with you. I feel seen. I felt seen.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

People are looking at me, but people see me. I'm not blending in, I have this bright color. Oh, look at Tina, she doesn't wear that kind of outfit. These are the voices in my head. And it looks pretty pretty. It's very pretty, actually. I don't have to hide.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

You don't have to hide. You could be seen. If this helped you, follow me, listen to some upcoming podcasts, listen to my old ones.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Thank you for joining me for my 50th episode. I appreciate each and every one of you. And you guys have a great day, have a great week.