The Murderer Killings - A True* Crime Podcast
In a world obsessed with True Crime, follow Charlie Incarica as he investigates one of the
Truest* Crimes ever committed. Come for the crime spree...stay for dessert.
*Not true, per se. And by "per se," we mean "at all." So to speak.
Follow to hear what the New York Times would likely say is "The last True Crime podcast you'll ever listen to."
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The Murderer Killings - A True* Crime Podcast
Episode 8 - The Penultimate Episode
It’s Christmas in Shady Grove, and as the trial date looms, Charlie decides to stay in town to take in some holiday traditions, such as Mayor Lyons’s One-Man Christmas Carol. The trial begins as planned on January 6th, but is postponed almost as soon as it begins, as the Judge insists the jury spend the next two days discussing the insurrection at the Capital. After an action-packed trial, a verdict is passed, but not before a plea for mercy from a most unexpected messenger.
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In the months between her indictment and the start of her trial, Margaret Mandragara Jones Putnam, under armed escort, saw her husband Teddy Putnam each day at her lawyer's office as she prepared to fight the three first-degree murder charges she faced. However, Teddy, or to use Margaret's pet name for him, you, was himself under great scrutiny from acting interim chief Taylor Branaghen. Clearly, both she and DA Teresa Nolo were convinced he had played a role in these fatal murders. Another item eating at Branaghen was the murder of her former boss, Chief Tommy Ebner. No charges had been brought against Jones for his death, not only because there wasn't any physical evidence, but no one could ascertain a motive. Though Estelle Hayes had theories, of course.
Estelle Hayes:I think whoever killed Ebner wanted the crimes actually solved. They knew that his intense idiocy was a key barrier to that happening. So you think there are two murderers? I think it's a distinct possibility. The other is that the murderer wanted to be caught. Sometimes they do, whether it's to make a statement or they're just desperate for attention. Any kind of attention. I think it's less likely of the two theories, but it can't be dismissed completely.
Charlie Incarica:That's very interesting, Estelle. Only what? It's just like, you know, three o'clock in the morning, and you're sitting on my bed.
Estelle Hayes:Don't flatter yourself, kid. I've grown attached to you, but you look like you graduated in the bottom third of your class at Hogwarts, so I'll think you're safe for me putting the names on you. No, it's not that.
Charlie Incarica:It's just You're sitting on my leg. My bad. Better. Well, you're still on my bed. But I'm off your leg. While I was definitely glad there had been an arrest and would soon be a trial, I also felt there were still too many loose ends to successfully bring healing to this community, and just as importantly, a satisfying conclusion to this podcast. I decided to spend Christmas in Shady Grove after I found out my parents invited Amy over for Christmas dinner. A blow that stung twice as much because we're Jewish. And newly re-elected Mayor Carl Lyons took up the entire time performing his one-man theatrical adaptation of a Christmas carol, which he occasionally confused with the plots of It's a Wonderful Life and The Born Identity. Meanwhile, the question of who owned Shady Grove Pudding was still unsettled. The board of directors installed Amanda's estranged and widowed husband, William Hart, as interim CEO until the case could be adjudicated by the courts, as Teddy's proposal that they settle the question out of court via a rap battle was rejected by the Hart camp. A pointing Hart understandably infuriated Teddy Putnam. And Margaret Mandragara Jones Putnam launched a no justice, no pudding boycott against SGP. She was by now a legitimate social media influencer, and the boycott made a dent in sales. New Year's Day 2021 proved eventful as Governor Alice Hart announced that her son, the estranged and widowed William Hart, had become engaged to Erica Hobbes' only daughter, Erica Hobbes. They set the date for January 6th, perhaps in the hopes that Erica's wedding hashtag, One Cousin Faces Justice, the other faces the justice of the peace, would trend. It didn't. On January 6th, 2021, observing strict COVID protocols, opening arguments began in the state versus Margaret Mandragara Jones Putnam for the murder of Chip Bing, Amanda Putnam Hart, and Michelle Quincy, with Judge Maxwell Edison presiding. D.A. Teresa Nolo gave a clear, methodical outlining of the state's case, citing both forensic evidence and ample motive. Defense Attorney Ellen Newberry rose to deliver her opening remarks when.
Ellen Newberry:Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my name is Ellen Newberry, and I'm representing Margaret Mandragora Jones. Shit!
Judge:It's a riot at the Capitol. Your Honor's dismissed! Wait, what? Sorry, sorry. I mean, uh, court adjourned. You're all invited to watch this shit in my chambers. Your Honor Honor, all junior.
Charlie Incarica:The historic January 6th riots delayed the defense's opening arguments for three days, on the 6th itself, and then the following two days, when the judge decided the court's time would be best served by discussing not only what happened, but which men and women covering that history-making day wore it best. The court ruled in favor of Anderson Cooper. Newberry filed for a mistrial, although she told reporters she was pleased Anderson Cooper had been declared the winner, as he always struck her as, quote, someone who put real thought into his appearance, but not in a shallow way. The state appellate court denied the mistrial, but upheld the ruling in favor of Cooper. After a tumultuous first few days, it was decided the court would reconvene on Monday morning. The prosecution's first witness had reporters, viewers in the gallery, and even the jurors themselves murmuring rhubarb to each other excitedly. Margaret's ex-partner, Alec St. George Gibbon. When the prosecution asked him if his former partner had displayed behaviors consistent with someone capable of murder, he wasn't given the chance to answer.
Ellen Newberry:Objection, Your Honor. The witness may have eyes that sparkle like the sundapbled Pacific as it laps gently against the beach at Diamond Head at Dawn, but that does not make him an expert on maladaptive psychology.
DA Theresa Nolo:Your Honor, Mr. St. George Gibbons holds degrees in psychiatry from both the University of Sydney and Cambridge.
Ellen Newberry:Those are both honorary degrees bestowed in the case of the University of Sydney, and I quote, because faculty, students, and alumni alike cannot stop thinking of him nor ever wish to stop. And in the case of Cambridge University, quote, thank you, just thank you. Moreover, the prosecution is relying on the fact that Mr. St. George Gibbons, whose tawny bronze skin smells of peaches and sandalwood, will influence the jury to supplicate to his every whim, as I find myself wanting to do right now.
Judge:I'm gonna sustain counsel's objection, but I hope, Mr. St. George Gibbon, you won't be what is a sign that I too am not captive to your effortless sexual charisma. No worries, Your Honor. That means everything to me.
Ellen Newberry:The defense also requests that the witness not be allowed to speak in his normal, sultry accent, which makes his every utterance a unique, miraculous melody.
DA Theresa Nolo:Your Honor, the fact that the witness's voice is the sonic equivalent of the gentle caress of a skilled lover is immaterial.
Judge:That's his natural voice. I'm gonna sustain again. The witness's voice is an unfair advantage. I don't think there's a person in this courtroom, including myself, who wouldn't gladly kill for him, but it frankly makes it impossible to focus on the testimony, which I've no doubt will be amazing. The witness is hereby ordered to adopt the flat, monotone American accent of this region.
Charlie Incarica:Of course, Your Honor.
Judge:I also want to instruct the jury that until Mr. St. George Gibbon entered this chamber, I was a staunch atheist. But now I have an unshakable faith in the existence of a benevolent, loving God. I hearby order the jury to give the witness a round of enthusiastic applause.
Charlie Incarica:The personal testimony that St. George Gibbon gave against Margaret's character was nothing short of damning. But it could be argued it actually backfired, as no one seemed able to pay attention to it. Court TV's feed went dark as it was deemed too provocative for their network. As for the stenographer's record, it stops transcribing the testimony after he's sworn in and almost immediately became a free-form poem that could fairly be classified as soft core pornography, at least for the first few lines, when it then jettisens the soft core part. Still, as the testimony of the prosecution's witnesses began to pile up, things didn't look good for the defense, especially as Newberry's cross-examination strategy focused on not doing any. Newberry would explain this choice after the trial concluded.
Ellen Newberry:There's the old maxim in law that you should never ask a witness a question you don't know the answer to. Unfortunately for my client, any question I could conceivably ask, I knew would have answers that, if anything, would make her look worse than the original testimony did.
Charlie Incarica:With one notable exception, the prosecution's final witness, lead forensician, Dr. William Shears, who took the jury through the crime scene in exhaustive detail.
DA Theresa Nolo:So you're saying that the blood does not belong to any of the murder victims?
Dr. Shears:That's correct.
DA Theresa Nolo:And were you able to ascertain whose blood it was?
Dr. Shears:Yes, it belongs to.
DA Theresa Nolo:Please, Dr. Shears. A moment, please. Very well then. Can you tell us whose blood it is? It's No, no, Dr. Shears. I only asked if you could tell us whom the blood belonged to. Please answer the question.
Dr. Shears:Um, I mean, yes, I can do that.
DA Theresa Nolo:Dr. Shears, do you see the person to whom this blood belongs in this very courtroom at this exact moment? Yeah, I keep So Dr. Shears, of all the people in this chamber, whose blood do you say with the full authority of your doctorhood is it?
Dr. Shears:Should I say it now?
DA Theresa Nolo:Please.
Dr. Shears:It's the blood of Margaret Mandragora Jones.
DA Theresa Nolo:No further questions, Your Honor.
Charlie Incarica:But now. Newberry decided to act.
Ellen Newberry:I'm assuming no cross counsel. Actually, Your Honor, I have a few questions. Dr. Shears, you say that the blood is that of Margaret Mandragora Jones Putnam?
Dr. Shears:Yes.
Ellen Newberry:Doctor, can you explain how your forensics team Um squad? Excuse me?
Dr. Shears:It's technically a forensics team, but our Instagram handle is at Big F Squad, so we kind of like to be known as that.
Ellen Newberry:I'll allow it. Very well. How did your squad miss this blood sample and its initial examination?
Dr. Shears:Well, it wasn't really visible.
Ellen Newberry:Didn't you swab the entire house?
Dr. Shears:No. Budget cuts preclude us from that. We're allowed to thoroughly swab the actual room the murders took place in and do a quick lookover in a room of our choosing.
Ellen Newberry:I see. So there are many other places in the house where you haven't looked for blood or DNA.
Dr. Shears:That's true, from a technical standpoint and also other standpoints.
Ellen Newberry:So there might be blood samples of others, many others in the victim's home. Objection, Your Honor. Calls for speculation.
Judge:Ooh, good point.
Ellen Newberry:Your Honor, the witness is an acknowledged expert. I'm merely asking him to bring that expertise to bear on a question with direct bearing on this case.
Judge:Ooh, even better point, maybe. I'm gonna overrule your objection.
Ellen Newberry:So there might be blood samples of others, many others in the victim's home.
Dr. Shears:Hypothetically, yes.
Ellen Newberry:And also in reality, right?
Dr. Shears:In reality? Yes. Hypothetically.
Ellen Newberry:You mentioned that the blood sample wasn't visible, correct?
Dr. Shears:That's correct. It was very small.
Ellen Newberry:Would you go so far as to call it teeny?
Dr. Shears:I would.
Ellen Newberry:What about Any? Would you go that far?
Dr. Shears:Yes.
Ellen Newberry:Even perhaps Dr. Shears. And remember, you're under oath. Could you, as a forensician, classify it as Weenie? Your Honor. Apologies. Please continue. Dr. Shears. Was it Weenie?
Dr. Shears:Well, I don't that's rather approach.
Ellen Newberry:Of course. I don't mind. I meant the witness, Your Honor.
Judge:Of course. That's what I was saying.
Ellen Newberry:For the record, I am handing the witness a copy of a standard dictionary of American English. I have the dictionary open to the word weenie. Your Honor, please.
Judge:The court rules in favor of weenie being an inherently funny word. Proceed.
Ellen Newberry:Would you, Doctor, be so kind as to read the definition?
Dr. Shears:Absolutely.
Ellen Newberry:Sorry, aloud.
Dr. Shears:Oh, that makes more sense. Verb. To detach from a source of dependence.
Ellen Newberry:I believe you may be reading the definition of wean. Please read the definition.
DA Theresa Nolo:What rounds? Would counsel if Dr. Shears read the entire dictionary aloud for the court? When would that madness end?
Judge:This is Dane. This is a courtroom, Ms. Newberry, not some fancy big city dictionary reading society.
Ellen Newberry:Fine. I'll read it. It means very small, barely detectable. So, Dr. Shears, does this not describe with laser-like precision the size of the blood sample in question?
Judge:You're on agreement. Counter pickable in 20 minutes.
Ellen Newberry:Understood, just a little more. Where was this blood found?
Dr. Shears:On the counter of the victim's bar.
Ellen Newberry:And as we've heard from earlier witnesses, Margaret spent most of her time at the victim's house at the bar. Is it not possible, Doctor, that a teensy, eatsy, weeny speck of blood could have been spilled by chewing on ice? Or one of those tiny red straws they put in fancy drinks, or even a cocktail umbrella. I think the courtroom's arguably over-the-top gasp says all that needs to be said on the matter. Thank you, Doctor. No further questions, Your Honor.
Charlie Incarica:The prosecution rested its case on Friday, January 29th, on what would have been my and Amy's fifth anniversary, if you don't count the times we were on what she called a break, which I don't. Court resumed on Tuesday, the 2nd of February, and the fireworks started even before the trial reconvened. Against the pleading of both her attorney and husband, Margaret Mandragara Jones Putnam addressed reporters and her fans on the courtroom steps.
Margaret Mandragora-Jones:First of all, I wish to offer a retraction of a previous statement. I had earlier described Shady Grove as Godforsaken. This biblical retribution you people call your weather is convincing proof that God hasn't abandoned you. He is zeroing in on you. I believe he hears your prayers and finds them sordid, selfish, and worthy of his ceaseless wrath. I don't know what you have done to deserve to be the locus of his divine fury, but I've little doubt you did deserve it. Well, you can rest assured the sentiment is very much not to return. To me, you are all not only unworthy of love, but should be stripped of the basic dignities our civilization aspires to afford the least of humanity. You claimed a few months ago to love Shady Grove. It's called tough love. I heard on the cultural snuff film you lot call the news that you're all excited because of fucking hedgehog or groundhog or whatever, so it's shadow or whatever the fuck. I was appalled beyond words. Then I was assured this is all done in the spirit of what you believe is fun, and that, to my mind, is the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. Now, toddle off to whatever dead-end job you've been consigned to in this feculent soul prison you call home. I've got a court case to win.
Charlie Incarica:She's amazing! The defense strategy rested on two pillars. The first was the sloppiness of the forensic examination, and the second was Margaret herself.
Estelle Hayes:And that as Margaret has destroyed many people's lives via her personality, she'd have had no need of acquiring that skill.
Charlie Incarica:Vanessa Holmes had come back to cover the trial for her follow-up book on the Putnams, Blood Pudding, and she was able to secure a coveted interview with Margaret's attorney.
Vanessa Holmes:Newberry called in a litany of people whom Margaret had deeply traumatized. From her former parish priest, who left the clergy after teaching her catechism class, to her former headmistress, who asked to be blindfolded so as not to inadvertently see Margaret.
Ellen Newberry:With most cases, you want the jury to sympathize with the defendant, but of course, with Margaret, that's an intellectual and moral impossibility. After her impromptu press statement on the courthouse steps, we were left with no choice but to lean into that. Basically, if Margaret were the one who committed these crimes, she'd be more inclined to gloat about it than to hide it. Like I say, it was unorthodox, but I felt it was worth the risk.
Charlie Incarica:Except This is from Margaret's testimony.
Margaret Mandragora-Jones:Look, let me be totally clear on this. If I thought that killing Amanda Putnam would benefit me personally, I'd have been more than happy to do it. Though I should think I'd have preferred strangling her. Why would you prefer strangling? The point is, what's my motive? If I'd wanted to wrest control of SGP from her, I'd have planned it out better, wouldn't I? And while I've obviously married Teddy in the hopes of taking over SGP, Amanda's death is what more or less forced me to make that grim choice of marrying this cartoonish parody of a human male. Sit up, just look at him. I think we can all agree that was not the route I'd preferred to go. Okay, you can sit down. Would anyone in their right mind willingly marry this quarter-witted mosquito bite of a man if there were any other way of getting what they wanted? I think not. Other than maybe Jura number four, who'd be lucky for whatever she'd get. But then again, I think we can all agree Jura number four is the definition of unfuckable. So, there we are.
Charlie Incarica:D.A. Teresa Nolo, either out of strategy or fear, passed on cross-examining Margaret. And that was that. The lawyers gave their respective closing arguments, and in the middle of Judge Edison's instructions to the jury, the four-person asked if they needed to bother going away to deliberate, as they felt that would just be going through the motions. They all agreed she was guilty. Judge Edison acquiesced, citing a state law that made jury deliberations optional if, according to the statute, the jurors weren't, quote, that into it. Margaret Mandragara Jones Putnam was sentenced to death by lethal injection on March 9, 2021, the one-year anniversary of the murders, for those of you who enjoy both poetic justice and regular justice. Newberry immediately filed an appeal to both the verdict and the sentencing, especially as the state had no death penalty, but a special session of the joint legislature allowed for an exception to be, quote, made just this once, so long as it doesn't become a regular thing. Because the bill was passed after the original sentencing, the sentencing had to be done again. A new date was set, and the respective parties gathered in the courtroom once more. Judge Edison was about to pass sentence again when.
Dr. Shears:Your Honor, may I speak? Is it going to be interesting? I believe the relatives of the victims have a right to make an impact statement.
Judge:Oh, crap, that's right. Did we even let the other two families of uh what's their names know about today? You know what? It's fine. Uh, anyway, who are you?
Dr. Shears:Your Honor, I am none other than Amanda's widowed and estranged husband, William Geofredo Hart.
Judge:How is that such a loud gasp? There's not that many people here.
Dr. Shears:Perhaps the larger than plausible gasp you alluded to, sir, was one of all humanity. Perhaps it was a cry lamenting the lack of true justice, a sacred idea that has been stretched upon the great rack of the world beyond usefulness. Nay, indeed beyond recognition. I say unto you, Judge Edison, be cherry of your choice.
Judge:Sorry, what does cherry mean?
Dr. Shears:Essentially the same thing as wary.
Judge:Pointless word.
Dr. Shears:I stand here a man, mortal and fallible like a soul. But there are times when a person must stand against a clear miscarriage of justice and fight for the hope of a carriage of justice.
Judge:Wait, you want me to go easier on your wife's killer?
Dr. Shears:I'm a man who has dedicated his life to weighing small things.
Judge:Yeah, I'd heard about that.
Dr. Shears:Whereas you, Your Honor, have dedicated yours to weighing things of great importance.
Judge:Ooh, nice pivot.
Dr. Shears:I don't think Ms. Mandragora Jones murdered my wife.
Judge:Now that gasp felt more plausible, right? Do you have new evidence for the court that would exonerate us?
Dr. Shears:Alas, I cannot say I do. Too bad. That would have been like dun dun dun. But even if she did, is it right? Is it wise to repay murder with murder? An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. That would suck. Indeed it would. But I ask you, at least spare her life. And doing so, spare all of us our humanity.
Judge:Well, Mr. Hart, you're really stuck on landing there. Um, you may be seated.
Dr. Shears:Oh, oh thank you, Your Honor.
Judge:Margaret Mandragora Jones, by the power vested in me by the state, I hereby sentence you to death by lethal injection. Now, if it's any consolation, Mr. Hart's speech has really given me some proof of thought about this whole thing for next time. Court adjourned.
Charlie Incarica:William Hart's sudden appearance stunned the whole community, not least of which, because everyone assumed he'd be a total dweeb, but was, to quote Ellen Newberry, both credible and bangable. In the meantime, Newberry filed another appeal, which meant that the earliest Margaret could be executed would be at the end of our last episode, which we'll aptly title the finale destination. Join us then for the outcome, as well as one last surprise from my visit with Estelle. If I'm Charles and Karika, then this must be the Murderer Killings.
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