The Bone Zone
The Bone Zone
The Bone Zone
Episode: 27 Polarity play
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this episode, Sara talks about her journey to find the balance between the masculine and feminine within. And Richard shares his journey stepping into his masculine.
Women are often taught from a young age to be strong, independent go-getters. Sometimes, through early life experiences, the “masculine” armour also develops as a way of protecting yourself.
And there is a lot to recommend it!
But at a certain point, this default programming can start to hold you (and your relationship) back.
We talk about:
- Sara’s radical career and business-related decision
- When the very thing that always brought you, success starts to be counter-productive
- The pendulum of masculine feminine extreme, to get back into balance
- The effect on Richard stepping into his masculine from Sara’s exploration of the feminine
- Polarity within a relationship
We want to hear your thoughts and questions, so if there's anything you would like us to cover on the show, please drop us a line on
info@thebone-zone.com
Welcome to the Bone Zone. I'm Sarah.
SPEAKER_00And I'm Richard.
SPEAKER_01And in this podcast, we excavate sex and relationship myths and uncover the truth of how it all really works. We bridge the esoteric and practical worlds to bring you grounded, sage, and tangible advice and tools, whether you're looking to attract a soulmate relationship or grow and expand within an existing one.
SPEAKER_00Or night, everyone.
SPEAKER_01Well, what about afternoon?
SPEAKER_00Are we really gonna start morning? Are we really gonna start every episode of maybe?
SPEAKER_01Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of The Bone Zone. Uh, this is going to be a special one for those of you that are interested in the topics of the masculine and the feminine within yourself and within a relationship and the concept of polarity. I don't know why I said polarity, polarity within a relationship.
SPEAKER_00Maybe you just wanted to sound posh.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I was I was hamming up the English accent there. So that's going to be the topic matter for today. I will be talking about something that I have been doing recently around that, and a decision I made, and Richard will be talking about the impact on him of me being in my feminine more, and the impact that that has on his ability to be in his masculine more. Okay, so it's story time, folks.
SPEAKER_00And now with the American accent.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't know, all over the place. A few weeks ago, I had an intuitive download to take a sabbatical, and I knew it was intuitive and not emotional. I won't go into too much of the detail around this, and also my definition of sabbatical is very heavily defined because it doesn't mean I'm stopping everything entirely, but essentially I decided that for a period of two months I would take a step back from my business. Now, let's go back in time to me as a younger person, or me for pretty much all of my life. I feel very comfortable operating in the masculine. I first developed it as a result of no one's going to take care of me, therefore, I have to take care of myself, I have to go out there, do the thing, be independent because of the wounding I had around okay, feeling unsafe when I was growing up for various reasons. I carried that forward, and it's been a blessing in a lot of ways because I've always been very action-oriented. I don't talk about shit for like 20 years before I do anything. I I'm not someone that's in a planning stage for 80 years before doing something. If I say I'm gonna do something, I'll go fucking do it. Yes, she does, and that is a great quality. But what I found, and I found this more and more as I get older, is that it's utterly exhausting for me, and what's more, that way of working does not work for me anymore, it doesn't produce anywhere near the results. I'm talking about tangible business results that it used to generate even four or five years ago. When I met Richard, I think it's fair to say the polarity was kind of backwards there. So Richard was like in his feminine of like, yeah, I'm gonna sit on the couch and think about a minion and somehow dream.
SPEAKER_00Well, you could have been you could have just given me a vagina, it would have been complete and I was you know, and I was like the opposite.
SPEAKER_01So actually, that's what he needed. He needed someone that was a bit of a like go do things and make things happen and make decisions and go do things.
SPEAKER_00That was my first I mean I the first Cyrus Governor I had in my sort of early twenties was very masculine but aggressive and angry, spiteful. I could have learnt my lesson then. I kind of did learn the lesson, but I had no idea about this masculine feminine dynamic um that a man can actually reside in his masculine uh feminine energy rather, and a woman can reside in a masculine. I realize this now, like with my mum, masculine energy, and now with Sarah, when I met Sarah, I didn't really realise it then. It's just in the last five years, maybe this is all becoming quite apparent to me.
SPEAKER_01So well, it it there was polarity at the time because essentially you were more in your feminine, I was more in my masculine, I needed to slow down a bit, you needed someone to kick you in the butt.
SPEAKER_00So boy did you do that?
SPEAKER_01So it it kind of worked, and I'm not taking away from the masculine for that reason, it really did actually help me a lot over the course of my life until it didn't. Now, the problem is that with something that you've always done that has had success, when it stops working, you're so programmed to keep doing it that you keep doing it and doing it and doing it, and getting more and more and more frustrated because you can't get out of this loop because it's such a strong ingrained programming around unless I take control and unless I do things and unless I you know make things happen, they won't happen. Now, I'm not I'm also not saying that the feminine is sitting back and doing fuck all, that's not what I'm talking about either.
SPEAKER_00But I did do a fair man of that.
SPEAKER_01I'm talking about for myself personally. So I have had periods in my life where I have been more in my feminine and more open to seeing how things pan out, to moving slowly, to taking time for reflection, and those periods were very, very transformative for me. And I've had two periods in my life before, both leading to career changes, and that happened as a result of the decision to slow down, reflect, do reside more in my feminine. However, I always defaulted back.
SPEAKER_00As we all do, we default back to our original program.
SPEAKER_01So you kind of forget, you're like, oh my god, this was so transformative that I did this, and then you're like, oh, but no, it's like doesn't make sense to do this. I need to keep going at breakneck speed, I need to keep pushing, I need to keep pressuring myself. And we talked about this last week, the pressure of a three-hour sex date, until I got to redefine it in a more feminine way that worked for me, and then I got to take out this idea of I'm pushing or forcing this into I'm just allowing this to um unfold intuitively deciding what we're doing within this session here. So, how did this then lead to the decision to take a sabbatical? Because I have over the last year or two really struggled to be more in my feminine in the at the right time. So I'm not hyper masculine all the time, that's not the problem. But the problem was that 95% of the time when it would have benefited me to be more in the feminine, I was actually in my masculine because that's what always worked before. And I knew this time, I was like, unless I actually create a real proper pattern interrupt here with a strong intention, this cycle is going to continue. So that's where the decision for the sabbatical came from. I'm still doing certain things within my business. I'm still doing the bone zone, as you may have gathered. I'm still doing creative projects that interest me. I'm still assessing opportunities as they come up intuitively, but I am not chasing, I am not forcing, I am not working, I am not working hard. Um, we're on this is the first way week or sorry, first day of week two. And it's been uncomfortable. And what's interesting is the emotions that come up around admitting that. I was saying to Richard on Sunday, yes, it's so hard, like painting and going to an art exhibition during the day and like getting a massage and allowing your husband to take you out.
SPEAKER_00See, then even then, you're just like being a sort of auto-sarcastic, almost like you weren't giving yourself the right that you hadn't earned the right to go out and do these things that are hard. The hard part is allowing yourself to do these fucking things in the first place.
SPEAKER_01No, so that no, you're actually you're a little bit off there. So I'm gonna tell you why. Okay. Because it's not as if I didn't take care of myself whilst I was working. I'd still, you know, go and get massages and I'd still get my nails done, whatever. But it was more a form of something that I did alongside work, and the work justified me being able to do these other things rather than just doing things because it makes me feel good, because I can feel joy from it, from this feeling of being in my feminine and just flowing where the day takes me. So that's why it's slightly different from what you said. And this is the thing that I'm trying to recapture through this doing things for the joy of doing them, because I realize as well, I do things 95% of the time because of some productive thing that I feel I'm gonna get out of there. Like I'm going to do these sexual activities because it will unlock energy so that I can go and make more money, which takes away from being present with actually doing the flipping sexual. But this is an example, everything had to be given a note of productivity, and what does that do? It saps the joy and energy and fun out of everything, and so this is also what I'm rediscovering through this process of trying to be in my feminine, but it is uncomfortable, and for the time being, literally today. I was like, I sat, I I was like, right, so I'm feeling I should actually do something work related today. My intuition was like, no, go for a I ended up going for a sauna slash cold plunge morning this morning. Which was which actually was awesome. I recommend it to literally everyone, but I was I know that was because I was coming up with that idea to alleviate some discomfort, like it's uncomfortable for me to relax back and feel safe and secure that actually everything is taken care of by myself and by Richard as well, who is well, you're quite frankly a wonderfully supportive husband that you've grown into being. I know he's smiling smartly.
SPEAKER_00I am so because it's true.
SPEAKER_01Yesterday, uh Richard said to me in the morning, Sarah, your skin is glowing.
SPEAKER_00Yes, you even today you look glowing, even though you haven't had any sleep.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that's a whole other reflection that I'm working on at the moment, not being able to sleep, but despite that, I'm still having energy, and Richard is still noticing this difference, and he is tangibly feeling me more in my feminine. Now, I am having to hold myself back from doing things that I would usually do or feel programmed to do. I'm like, right, is this programming making me do this, or is it actually my intuition? And it's predominantly been programming so far for most work-related things. Um but Richard, I would love you to comment on what this exploration that I've done, and obviously we're only in like we've only done a week so far, so I will report progress as we're going along. But how has it affected you being in the masculine?
SPEAKER_00I well, first of all, I'd like to say I'm incredibly proud of you to really step out this um it's a box, it was a box really, and that you've been in for the most part of your life. It's um sometimes we really need to do the things that make us feel uncomfortable. We need to embrace the things that trigger you because if they trigger you, it means you need to hear them. And so I remain convinced that this was the right thing to do. For me, the benefit is as follows. I like I like Sarah said, I have always kind of been residing in my feminine energy, raised by women because my dad wasn't around with very masculine energy. And I have been trying to work on residing more in my masculine for the last few years. However, it has been quite challenging to do that because Sarah was a stronger masculine energy and uh and she would frequently overtake like she does on the podcast. But we all laugh about that on the podcast when she does that, when I say, Well, you know, you know, let me speak because you're going blue in the face, take a breath and all of that. But um it's her backing down and allowing herself to be in the feminine, it's been easier for me to step into my masculine energy, and I'll tell you why, because when I used to try and step into my masculine energy, if Sarah was in her masculine, we would end up fighting or being prickly with each other, or clashing, or on a whole bunch of other things, and so I felt kind of a little bit frustrated because you don't just step in to your masculine first, you have to go through a load of deprogramming, reprogramming, and it's not as easy as um one might think. It takes a long time to do, but I've never felt actually more in my masculine today than I sorry, did I say that correctly? I felt more in my masculine today than I ever have.
SPEAKER_01By today, do you mean in the last week or like specifically?
SPEAKER_00No, in the last few months, okay, but it's even more so in the last couple of weeks. I've seen you really I know you've been feeling really uncomfortable doing this, but you are doing it. You're not resisting it, you're just feeling uncomfortable about it. And you're allowing me to step into my masculine. Yes, and you know what, like because otherwise it would have been more difficult for me because I would back down because otherwise we'd get into a fight or over something stupid because you were we were butting heads, so I would always be the one to back down because I didn't want to fight, and so now that's not happening.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I don't like over the last few years, in certain contexts, I was really able to be more in my feminine, felt like a sigh of relief, honestly, because as I said, like the older I've got, the more exhausting it is to be in it a lot of the time. And I was able to let go to a certain extent. Work was never an area I was very good at letting go in, but the knock-on effect of doing it in this big area of life is gonna knock on to every area of life because it is there are times in the relationship when it would benefit me to be in the feminine and not the masculine that were just completely bypassing me because the programming takes over, and I'm like, right, I'm just gonna take over, but it's it's actually so nice to see this kind of I mean, you were changing and we were changing over the last few years, but let's say more of an accelerated pace of change.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it's true. You finally and I go back to the sort of the clientele that you were having to deal with, and and some actually you probably still are, that you know, they were wasting your time. You finally realize that them wasting your time, you are in fact reflecting that you're wasting your own time continuing in this way. I felt that you actually clocked it through this big reflection.
SPEAKER_01Yes, but actually, like no, yes, yes, but no.
SPEAKER_00No, so okay, well, is that at least one of the reasons I saw this kind of pattern?
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, that is one of the things. The bigger thing has been around building a business is I'm gonna go with is because I don't think I'm quite over this, but is an ego exercise, right? There there was a lot of validation that I got from this moniker that at the end of the day, who fucking cares? But the moniker that I was able to start saying a year or year and a half after my business, oh I'm a six-figure coach, like so building this business has been an ego thing, right? Which is when everything's going well, I mean like great. And when things aren't going so well during those down cycles, which let's face it, most businesses have uh what's the what's the word, ebbs and flows. Yeah, I basically held myself to certain business goals just because they were goals that people talk about a lot, a lot, making a certain amount of money, charging a certain amount of money, a lot of things related to money. And so when you start thinking about it primarily as a business, you start to almost forget like why you're doing it sometimes. I know that sounds weird, like I always enjoyed coaching my clients, and you know, it it really filled me with a lot of joy. However, when you approach bringing people on in a business with an element of neediness, like I have goals to meet, these goals that I've set for myself, that kind of neediness and energy feeds through to the people that you're interacting with. And that's a kind of masculine energy, probably a wounded masculine energy that was like filtering through into my business. And that was one of the things that I wanted to reprogram because actually I Setting goals that didn't really have any meaning. I already am incredibly blessed with the life I live. I live in a great city. I get to do most of the things that I want to do most of the time. But I didn't even stop to notice that because it's always this drive of more, more, more. I need to expand, I need to expand, and all of these. And this is the kind of energy I want to move away from in the business because it's not only masculine energy, but it's a wounded masculine energy, like this need for money and a claim and external validation.
SPEAKER_00So how are you gonna so what you're gonna reside in your family? Then we'll go back to your business in a with a totally feminine energy. How are you gonna like mix the two up?
SPEAKER_01Well, this is actually um something I wanted to mention for all of you women out there that resonate with what I'm saying, i.e., you have lived a lot of your life in masculine programming. I think the fear can be that if you go the other way, that you're suddenly gonna be this chick who floats around like sitting on the sofa and talking to, I don't know, trees all the time. I love talking to trees, but hopefully you take my point. So you kind of get this either-or thing. Like, if I do too much of this, I'm suddenly gonna like not be able to be in my masculine at all. I think we can safely say that I've developed my masculine side enough over the years that it knows when it needs to show up. And so to regain that balance, I need to take the pendulum swing over to the other side, over to the feminine side to develop that side consciously so I can bring the two sides back into balance.
SPEAKER_00A dance.
SPEAKER_01Yes, but to to know which to bring out at the right time. So rather than at the moment, where I'm like, when it would benefit me to be in the feminine, I default to masculine. When it benefits me to be in the feminine, I'm in the feminine. When it benefits me to be in the masculine, I'll be in the masculine. And even this this version of sabbatical, I'm still working with current clients, I'm still producing content, I'm still and a few opportunities actually have come up randomly as well.
SPEAKER_00Which unexpected ones?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, which I'm I'm assessing intuitively whether to do them during or after the quote unquote sabbatical. But this is what I mean by reprogramming. I'm going like taking the pendulum over to the other side so I can rebalance.
SPEAKER_00Also, you're putting yourself first here as well. Whereas I always got the impression it was always your business first and then you second. Oh yeah. And I think that you suffered quite a bit because of that. Now you are putting and not for nothing, then your your clients or potential clients have start to waste your time by sort of going over with calls and not doing this and not doing what you suggested because you weren't doing the same for yourself. And now this gives you an opportunity to do that on your own terms, you set your own boundaries, and what? So people just start calling you. Oh, do you remember? Oh, we talked eight months ago. Can we have a call, please?
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm not gonna presuppose anything because when you start projecting into the No, I'm not projecting, I'm just taking out what's happened. You start to build emotion around it. That's what I always found when I was trying to freak future predict business.
SPEAKER_00But um Well, I'm just mentioning what's happened in the last couple of two, three weeks.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, again, I'm not gonna like just for the purpose of not getting too emotionally high, I'm not gonna get too excited about anything until anything materializes like properly. And by materializes, I mean there's a contract and the passing over of money. Um understood, but like, regardless of whether these opportunities that have come up go through or not, I'm like, I'm cool, I've got more than enough uh going on at the moment not to need anything else, need being the operative word. I get to fully experience what it is like to be in the feminine, and another reason for me to do that is to bring in more of these uh creative ideas because I've found sometimes that I'm blocked from always being in the masculine and always on the go. So when it comes time to try and create something, I'm like, eh I don't know, I don't know what the hell that noise was. But so we will um when we launch our relationship program, which dates ETA um on that, but we will be doing a full module on masculine, feminine dynamics and how to think about them, what actions you can take, how you can start to shift it in a way where you are living a more balanced life.
SPEAKER_00So anything more to add? This has been a very um interesting.
SPEAKER_01Any other thoughts you have on me?
SPEAKER_00I feel that I'm really shifting into balance to being where I'm supposed to be or where I feel comfortable and uh being.
SPEAKER_01Actually that's a really good point. I want to just bring up some of the things Richard has said um because they actually show that he, given the space, is wanting to be the masculine, but he's like, whatever I've said, he's like, Don't worry, babe, I've got you in every possible way, you don't need to worry about anything. I want to do X, Y, and Z to really look out for us, and like all of this I think has been prompted from me consciously being like, right, it's time for me to explore being in my feminine.
SPEAKER_00I haven't been pushing you in any way, no, not at all, but you seem to be saying these things, and what's more, you seem to be like fully behind what you're saying because you're you you are creating space for me to do that, you know. It's like chicken or the egg, who creates space for what? At what time, and who does it first? It's you were the stronger masculine energy, and I felt that you always needed to back down, or I would end up having to make you back down, and it would have been slightly more tricky. The way I get you to back down is when you start interfering, I look at you or tell you to be quiet, or or rip my telephone back from your hand, which you've taken, you've taken it from me, going, I'm gonna look at it because you're crap at doing Google Maps. These are the ways I get you to back down, but here you've made the conscious decision to um do this work for two months, and you've just allowed me to naturally spring into my masculine and take the lead.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and um, you know, you're offering all of this support that I didn't ask for, and that includes an on every dimension, like physically, emotionally, financially, like everything that's what it's all about, though, isn't it? It's teamwork, mate. Teamwork makes the dream work.
SPEAKER_00Teamwork makes the dream work.
SPEAKER_01Have you not heard that before?
SPEAKER_00That sounds so shy to naff.
SPEAKER_01Maybe it is like a thing, it is a thing.
SPEAKER_00Should we not come up with our own teamwork makes dream work?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, watch this space. Or if any of you have any ideas on some other non-annoying way of saying teamwork makes the dream work, then please do email Richard, he'll be looking forward to your email.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, someone send me a fucking email. Come on, just one, say hello, goodbye, and that's it.
SPEAKER_01The end. Okay. All right, I think that's all for today.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for listening in. We hope you enjoyed the episode.
SPEAKER_01And we look forward to and and actually I'm gonna ask for any ladies listening to this that resonated with what I said about the masculine and feminine. I would actually love to receive emails or messages from you. So um please do share your experiences.
SPEAKER_00We'll receive plenty of mess messages. I'm looking for the emails.
SPEAKER_01Yes, alright.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay, until next time.
SPEAKER_00Bye. We'd like to thank you for tuning in and listening to this episode today. If you like what you heard, I invite you to follow our show. And if you really liked our show, head over and leave a review on your podcast app of choice. We also want to hear your thoughts and questions. So if there's anything you would like us to cover on the show, please drop us a line on the email below. Thank you for listening, and until next time.