Episode 39: Why Settling is Bad For Your Health

We all do it.
And most of us can recognise (if we choose to) the big things that we settle on: the job we stay at for the money, the choice of partner that we do because we feel we’re getting old, and we need to “settle down”.
But it’s the small settling statements we make every day that have the cumulative potential to cause the most damage.
However, they can be slippery because they often come under the guise of “accepting what is”, which if done in its truest sense removes obstacles.

In this episode, we talk about:

•  What a settling statement is vs. genuinely accepting something for what it is
•  The difference in perception and feeling between the two scenarios
•  The potential consequences of constantly choosing to settle
•  A simple process to rebalance a settling moment to one of genuine acceptance

We want to hear your thoughts and questions, so if there's anything you would like us to cover on the show, please drop us a line on 

info@thebone-zone.com 
And if you want to check out Sara’s solo podcast, The Mind Body Spirit Accelerator – where she gives you simple neuroscience-based tips (that actually work) to create the life you want, you can check it out on:
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033kZ5sPIbZkkQe6j6xJkH?si=99231cc2e65c4d8a or
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mind-body-spirit-accelerator/id1896793868

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Bone Zone. I'm Sarah.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

And I'm Richard.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

And in this podcast, we excavate sex and relationship myths and uncover the truth of how it all really works. We bridge the esoteric and practical worlds to bring you grounded, sage, and tangible advice and tools, whether you're looking to attract a soulmate relationship or grow and expand within an existing one.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Hello again and welcome back to a potentially very noisy edition of the Bone Zone due to scheduling uh um mess-ups, let's say, on my part.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Hello. Oh, yes, oh you didn't I did not interrupt today.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

That was brilliant. Yes, we might have two very large men who knocked on the door yesterday to come today and drill a hole in the ceiling for some unknown reason.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

So Yeah, like it's the administration of the building, and we're not really sure why they need to h drill holes in everyone's ceilings, but there you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Probably to pass a cable. But anyway, let's hope that they don't interrupt. And uh we can go on with today's topic, which is settling or not settling, or accepting what is versus settling the two new are the nuance between those two can be a very fine line. Um one is could be seen as positive, and the other one is definitely negative.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Although nothing is fully positive or negative, but don't go into that right now. The point is that one feels very different from the other and is likely to produce different results, but the vast majority of people don't tend to think that there is particularly any difference between the two. So in today's episode, we're going to be talking about well, effectively, what is settling, what is accepting, and how do you tell the difference between the two. And also, I suppose we could touch on some of the consequences that can arise from settling.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

This is take two, by the way, because I did actually go off on a massive tangent on the first recording, which we have since scrapped.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

I mean, it wasn't massive, you were talking for about a minute, at which point I was like, I feel like this needs context.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Okay, so Sarah, my darling, uh, over to you. Just put it in a way as to not send people into a coma.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Well, you weren't putting anyone into a coma, but anyway.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Well, you did sort of interrupt and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, about a hundred times. Well, you know me and structuring everything. Okay, so go ahead, go forth in structure, darling.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Okay, so settling, right? I suppose most of us are familiar with the concept of settling. We all tend to do it in one or more areas of our life. Things like that here's a big one, I'll settle for this particular person to marry because I'm getting older, my biological clock, there are no good men, blah blah blah blah blah. I'll settle for this job because I'll never be able to do what I actually want to do and make money for it. Um, I'll settle um for my health declining because that's just what happens when you get older.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

So I think sorry, that also includes making a concession. Uh you can group that with under the umbrella of settling, okay?

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Yeah. So most of us would be familiar with those kinds of statements and would say, yeah, I can see how that would be a form of settling. It actually goes even more, let's say, uh pedantic than that.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

So which is your speciality.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Yes, it is. So settling or concessionary statements like the bigger ones that I've just covered off start very small, usually. Right? They start with things that we don't even notice or think of as concessions or settling. So I'll give you the example of Superman. Let's just pretend you were Superman or Superwoman, depending on how you want to imagine yourself. So obviously, super person. That sounds so rubbish, doesn't it? It sounds very uh Okay, we're just gonna go with Superman. Superman.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Super person.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Superman Superman has powers such as being able to fly around the world, and I don't know actually, I've never watched any of the Superman movies.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

He's extremely strong, he's indestructible, he can fly around the world in reverse and take time back.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Oh yes, I can't remember that from watching Superman like billion years ago. Anyway, so let's just say Superman knows that he has all of these magical powers that make him unique and special. However, one day he has problems flying for whatever reason. And he kind of makes the statement, Well, you know what? That's okay. I can do all of these other amazing things. It doesn't matter that I can't fly so well. Now you might think, okay, what's the big deal? He's not saying, Oh my god, I'm the worst person. I'm the worst person in the world. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

He still has his laser vision and all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

He has all of his other powers, he knows all of his other powers make him special, but for some reason he's conceded on the flying point, and he decides that maybe he can't be the best in the world at flying, and he's okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Or he thinks. Okay, so he thinks.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

So he thinks. Now, he might not have had a large emotional reaction to this, right? It might not be as extreme as a person who decides to marry someone that they clearly know, you know, this is settling for me. He might have only had like a 1 to 2% shift in his emotions. But that one to two percent shift is still a moment of settling. It is still a concessionary statement. And the reason for that is he has downgraded his perception of his potential, right? So he has the potential to be the man that flies uh everywhere and flies backwards and turns back time from flying backwards, but he's decided for whatever reason his potential in that area is hampered, even though it is not. And it's those kind of things that are dangerous, more dangerous, because they lead to bigger and bigger and bigger settling statements over time. So it's kind of like drip a drip of water eroding away a rock over a long period of time.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

So, like in terms of a uh applied to a relationship, that might look like something like what, for instance, that uh you your first concessionary statement would be um this person does something that I don't like, or there's something I don't like about that person, but it's a very minimal thing, the rest is really good. That's the first like two percent shift, maybe, and then the next relationship there will be something else added, and then as you go along and as you get older, you can seed even more and more and more until you're up right up there in the 90%.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Yeah, well, so here's the rub it's about how you feel about it, because I can hear people saying, Well, that's all very well, but you know, there's always going to be something in a relationship, even if the relationship is amazing, there's always gonna be something.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Precisely.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

So what is so this is the point you know you're settling if there is a shift in your emotions. So let's go on to the other scenario where you truly accept something as it is at that stage in time. Or maybe you accept it and actually you really, really do learn to love it, right? In the same way that in a good relationship you love their quirks and you genuinely do love them, but if you didn't love that person and weren't in a good frame of mind with them, those same things would really piss you up a lot.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Like the feta knife, the knife you use to cut feta cheese, which you always leave overnight on the breadboard with.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Which actually I don't do anymore. You don't do anymore, but I grew to love or the fact that Richard leaves his clothes just like. Okay, so going back into what is acceptance of what is, because this is talked about in the spiritual world. Accept what is, accept what is. Or surrender, great, thanks, that's really helpful. Um okay, so accepting what is is different because basically, as I said, whether it's settling or whether it's accepting is basically how you perceive something. So if you are accepting what is, you are seeing the perfection in it, you are loving it exactly as it is at that stage in time. Because the source definition of love is to see everything as balanced, to see the good in it, to see the bad in it, and to love it anyway. That is the higher definition of perfection as opposed to the human definition of perfection, which is unless I have my perfect body, it's imperfect. So let's take the body example. You have in your mind the optimal body for you that you want to develop. What it is doesn't matter, it will be individual and personal to you. You know you're not there yet, right? So settling would be I'm not there yet. Maybe nothing I can do, maybe or I'm trying my hardest, but I just can't seem to get here. I'm fine with where I am. But you're not really fine with where you are, you're just saying it.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

It's like I haven't eaten for ten days and I haven't shifted these last two kilos.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

I'm gonna give up basically versus actually truly accepting and loving. I use the word loving because you're seeing it in a balanced way, truly loving where you are right now, seeing the good in it, so seeing how far you've come, but also seeing that the maybe the extra weight that you're holding is serving a purpose. Maybe it's drawing it your attention to the fact that you're more critical of yourself, maybe it's drawing your attention to the fact that you are um needing to tweak your diet or your exercise plan a bit. Maybe it's just to do with loving on yourself more. Maybe there are certain practices that you need to integrate that actually overall are going to help with your levels of self-love and self-image. So it you are basically getting yourself to the place where you're seeing the perfection in where you are now, and from that place, actually, you're like, because I love myself and my body so much, I naturally want to do these things that over time will get me to the optimal body shape. And you stop putting your pressure on yourself to get there because you're already happy with where you are. Now, again, if you're like, oh, that's all very nice, how'd you get there? Yes, it's a process. But it starts with acknowledging and being conscious of am I settling and saying it's fine when it's not, or am I truly in acceptance and love of this thing and seeing the perfection in it? And Richard seems to want to interrupt me, so I'm gonna be quiet.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

No, like I'd like ten years ago, I put my finger up to say I need to say something. I'm gonna have this system.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

He put he put his hand up like in a glass.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Well, I have to, otherwise, you know, we could be here till next year. But um, yes, essentially you've just gone and said everything that I was gonna say, so you can now carry on.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Oh no, I feel bad now.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Well, next time, watch the finger. I'm not talking about my middle finger here. I'm talking about the please, miss, can I interrupt?

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Well, I mean, to be fair, you could have just interrupted me.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

No, but then then all the listeners are gonna hear is me interrupting you and then you interrupting me, and then it's just like uh sparring match. It's just stupid. It's just utterly stupid. Yes, so I agree with all of that. The perfection is not all the perfection in you having uh an extra bit of weight that you cannot seem to shift. You can go two ways.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

You can either give up and say, Well, what's the point, in which case you are No No, but I think this is important to say a lot of people convince themselves they're fine even though they're settling, but the energy behind it is I'm not fine, I'm settling.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Which again is what I was about to say.

unknown 15:08

Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Well no, not women, you in particular. You just happen to be a woman.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Okay, you're gonna shut up now and let me finish. Jesus Christ. Um, right, where was I? The perfection in all of this is that you go in search other ways, or to sort of think and see what else could it be that I am not doing to help shift this extra weight to attain my bodily goals. And that is the perfection because that process is teaching you a whole lot of things that you can do to search outside of the box uh you don't like that expression, but to search further afield to the perfectionist to dispel the narratives that are out there to go in search for your own truth. And if you really think about it hard, what is body fat? It's protection. And I've discovered after 50 odd years or whatever that uh I've always had this sort of one or two kilos around me, and I've slowly discovered that um I've been uh dragging around sort of anger at myself for these last few years for a series of things that happened in the past, and so what does the body do? It it creates a protection around you around um uh in my case the lower and the back. And that's the perfection. The perfection is I've realized this and I actually do have the tools to do something about it, not starve myself for four days, five days, and go to the gym and do all of this stuff. I want to go to the gym because I enjoy going to the gym, not because I have this extra two kilos to shift and the weight is slowly coming off. Once I realised that I have to deal with past uh anger issues or past um guilt trips I've given myself for things that I've done.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

So let's take this into the relationship context since we are talking about relationships here, because settling in relationships is extremely common.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

A lot of times though, it is actually about perception. So let me s let me kind of differentiate some different circumstances. It's okay to admit what you want in relationships and look for a partner that's gonna give you that or walk away from a partner that can't give you that, not in a triggered way of you can't give me what you want, you dick. More like more like this has run its course, and you know, we just want different things. I have certain needs that I acknowledge to myself as important, and this person's not on the same page, so we can call it a day.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

That's fair enough.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

And examples of that might look like um that you want different things from a marriage, right? So that maybe one wants to live in a certain country, the other person doesn't. Maybe one wants to have children, the other person doesn't.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

That's quite a big one.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

Yes, that's a huge one. Um, maybe um, you know, one can't think of any other examples now, my mind's gone blank, but of what settling within a relationship. Yeah, settling within a relationship. Okay, here's a big one. Here's a big one. Maybe one is really into health and fitness, the other isn't, maybe one is into really a lot of personal growth and development, the other one isn't. And you know, you've done the work to really work out okay, this is not going to be a match, and you know, that's fine. I want more at this point from an untriggered place, and therefore I'm not prepared to settle. What a lot of people do is they will stay anyway, right? For whatever reasons, because they love the person, because they tell themselves actually this thing I want isn't that important, really.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Or the old classic, better the devil you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Yes, better the devil you know, uh, I'm too old now to find anyone else, blah blah blah blah blah, right. So that's kind of one scenario, but as I said, it's how you feel about it and whether you feel you are settling or not.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

So I'm How do you know that?

SPEAKER_00 20:07

I will actually give you an example from our relationship with each other, um, which we talked about in our first ever podcast episode, but I'm gonna bring it up here because it's come to mind. Um when uh Richard and I were first together, Richard was absolutely adamant he wouldn't get married again. FYI, by the way, he Oh, don't go, shut up, no, seriously.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

No, don't.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

This is my ego. My ego's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Yeah, your ego, your ego's about to get thrown out the window of the second floor of this flat.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

My ego. Anyway, sorry, okay. So Richard didn't want to get married, and that was problematic for me at the time. And that kind of led to a crunch point, I think at two, two and a half year point, whatever it was, where I took a break, went somewhere else for ten days, and really sat down with is this important to me and would I be settling if I agreed to stay with him anyway? Now, um, it was actually my mother through one completely unintentional sentence that managed to clarify everything for me, but I came to the intuitive knowing that the most important thing for me was to be with someone where I felt respected, loved, valued, emotionally supported, supported in every way that was important to me. That probably I hadn't felt when I was growing up. And I and I got down to the root of that. I was like, that's what's really important to me. If we ever get married, that would be the cherry on top of the cake. But it's not necessary for me. So I genuinely came round to seeing. That situation in a balanced way. And when I was sure that I could get my real genuine needs met, genuinely the whole concept of marriage just disappeared from my mind until Richard begged me years later.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Oh, you had to say that. Listen to this. Don't listen to a fucking word she's saying about that.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Well, no, I mean it's not that far from the truth.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

But anyway, we're gonna have a massive bit of Well, let's no, let's let's iron this out right now. Let's do this live live discussions. I mentioned to you that I would be alright with getting married. I did not fucking beg you at all.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

So basically, here's here's what happened. I know this was in the first episode, but it was a fun story, so we recount it.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

We were having recount it properly.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

We were having lunch, and Rich was like, Oh, I'd be open to marriage, and I I ignored the uh statement and he repeated it a couple of times, and then I said, What about my tax situation?

SPEAKER_01 23:01

There you go.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

But um he persisted, he didn't beg, but he did persist in answer asking the question. Um anyway, my point is some might have seen that as a moment of settling, but because for me it was uh uh something I had worked through to really, really balance out, even though I didn't know any of this stuff at the time, it actually wasn't settling. And you know, years later events unfolded as they did, and here we all are now. So my point is that actually being able to really know the difference and also being in tune with what you really want and not downgrading it because you think you can't get what you want, then this will really help you feel happier because to be honest, you feel much happier if it comes from a place of true acceptance rather than settling, because settling is like, ugh, my potential isn't as good as I thought.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Yeah, the energetic self-settling is I'd like to talk about as well.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

Yeah, I mean it it I'm talking about the feeling perspective. It doesn't feel very nice to feel like you're doing less than you're capable of doing or less than your potential, and most of us don't even know how special we are and what our potential could be. It's true, but like we even if you're not conscious of the full potential, you know there are things that you could do, could have, etc., that you're talking yourself out of ever doing. And I'm not saying you could have those things tomorrow, but you know, if you stuck to things over time rather than telling yourself you can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Well, telling yourself saying, Well, I may as well not bother, things like that, or what's the point, things like that. You're really not, you know, also you are not giving yourself a good time. You are giving yourself a hard time, and energetically you're telling yourself that you're not worthy or you're not good enough, and that can quickly spiral.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Um yes, the proverbial drip that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

The drip can spiral, you know, the dam can break uh until you have a situation in your life, like a massive reflection or something going on, which is like a level 10 out of 10.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

Well, hang on a minute, we have to that's the consequences of.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

That's the consequences of, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

So let's come to that in a second. Do you have anything else to add to kind of the feelings around and because you mentioned the energetics of no, not really, no.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

No, you've said enough about that. I mean it should be just perfectly clear.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Okay. So settling, and I mean settling rather than accepting to be super clear, and all of these small concessionary statements that you make, it's actually the small ones that bite you in the butt, actually. Because most of us are aware at some level if we're doing big ones, but we're not aware of the small ones we do on a day-to-day basis.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Yes, this is such a small percentage shift, but then you before you know it, they've added up into something a lot larger.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

And so we've touched on the law of reflections before, and this is not a law of reflections episode deep deep into it, but basically the result of concessionary statements or settling is that you start to experience more reflections in your life. What are reflections? They are basically mirrors from the outside world, or it could be from your body as well, showing you that you have settled in some way somehow, and you are you have done that because you have had a emotional imbalance arise out of that feeling of settling. So you settle, and usually there's an emotional response, could be tiny, could be massive, and that imbalance starts to cause a reflection that is reflecting back to you, okay, something is a bit off, or you've settled here.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Basically, we're always getting signs from everywhere about ourselves. It's just that we just they just go right over our heads, and they all count. So if you do find yourself saying phrases, what's the point? I may as well not bother, or better the devil you know, all these classic things that people tend to say a lot, try and catch yourself doing it and kind of ask yourself why, and then go on to say, Well, no, I won't settle. How can I not settle? How can I do exactly what it is that I wanted to do instead of giving up like that?

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Well, you don't even need to do that. That's the thing, that's kind of fixing energy, it's just kind of rebalancing your perception of where you are right now, and as I say, like sometimes when you settle, you wake up one day and you realise, okay, well, I'm done here and this is all well and good. Um, because at the end of the day, it's easy to project outwards, especially in a relationship, and be like, oh my god, this person, that person. Well, it's not all that person all the other person because you were the one that didn't stick up for your needs, your wants, didn't admit what you wanted, so really it's on you.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

So if so if you're like um decided within the context of a couple that uh their relationship has run its course and you decide to leave or part ways, that's not settling, that's accepting what's around you. But if you're if you immediately dump a person without having given it a chance, are you settling? Does that make any sense as a question? Not at all. Let me try and rephrase it.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Well, first of all, we're talking about after a long period of time.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Yes, but there are some people who leave the relationship because they're running away from it. It's not that.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

But I was very specific. Leaving from an emotionally triggered place of we are in different emotionally untriggered place.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Of we just want different things and so we are deciding to part ways. Or I feel like I want something different from a relationship now, it's time to part ways. Without this element of blame or criticism or anything in the relationship, that's what I'm talking about. That is not a settling moment, that is quite clearly I value my worth, I value my desires, and therefore I am choosing not to settle, I'm choosing something different.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Okay, well, I must maybe making myself clear. What about for the people who run away from a relationship after a a short period of time not giving it a chance? Is that also a form of settling? Because there are plenty of people who do that. Oh, I realised he wasn't the one after like three weeks.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

It depends. If if it's you're running away because you're emotionally triggered, you shouldn't do it. If you're running away because it's intuition, that's something different.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

The problem is people can't tell the difference. Even people that have trained their intuition struggle with that because relationships are rife with emotions. So should you ever run away from a person because they they're like super triggering to you? No, because they're triggering you for a reason, they're reflecting back to you.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

In the first in the early stages, it's like, well, am I settling because I'm already settled that I won't find anyone, so I'm continuously running away from someone who could have the.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Sorry, that doesn't even make any sense to me because if you're settling in a relationship, you're probably going to settle for someone that's not a good match for you.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

So I don't get the whole running away concept. Aren't you settling in your own life if you're continually running away from things, you know, instead of going in and doing a bit of the hard work that's necessary?

SPEAKER_00 31:48

I don't see that to me, and again, this is clearly like a definition thing. I don't see that as settling. I see that as being completely led by your emotions.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

Okay. Well, maybe I have made it.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

Which is a completely different thing from settling. Because okay, maybe is it a form of settling with yourself? Not not not from my perspective or my definition of it. It's someone who is so uncomfortable with looking at their own emotions or encountering any form of challenge from someone else that they will consistently react to their emotions all the time rather than looking at intuitively should I stay with this person?

SPEAKER_01 32:39

Well, which most people don't do, let's face it.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

Yes. But and we live in a world where everyone's always running away from everything, or anyone that has any kind of challenge or a few years.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

You're settling with yourself, you know. I mean, I don't know, that's just the way I I look at things sometimes and um Well, it's certainly not acceptance of what is.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Is it settling? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Well, you're settling with yourself. You're like going, well, what's the point? I'm gonna run away. It's easier. I don't have to do the work, I don't have to go to the uncomfortable place. I mean, I'm settling, so I'm running away.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

I suppose if you looked at it as uh in back in potential terms, you're losing your potential to develop your relationship skills, your communication skills, etc. Because that is one way of getting through a challenging period in a relationship to accept it as it is. Well, there are great things about going through challenging phases in a relationship because if you get through our own, and I can get through them, you come out better and stronger than ever, you have better communication skills, you have better empathy skills, you have better emotional mastery skills because, first of all, that's a prerequisite for having better communication anyway. You have to have more emotional mastery to start with. So yeah, I see what you're saying. I think it comes down to definition.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

Yes, that's a good way of uh that's a quite an important point. I think we should do a uh podcast around definition, maybe, or include it in a podcast, because I think people like the the fact that people have different definitions for things could completely change the meaning of something for someone.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Yes, I I encounter this all the time in my work. People will use certain words and I always ask them to define what they mean because no two people have seem to have the same definition of leadership or empathy or anything. So it's like, okay, let's get on the same page. What exactly do you mean here? Um, I think just to close out, so I talked about what are the consequences of settling, you get these reflections. So just to give an example of what a reflection might look like, because you might be like, what the hell is she talking about? So let's just put it in a very simple example. Superman has decided that he doesn't have this capacity to fly up to the level he wants. His settling statement in his mind is I'm not special enough to do that. The reflection of that could look like maybe he has a relationship with Mrs. Superman.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Mrs. Superman, that's so woke of you.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Mrs. Superman goes through a period of really just kind of grinding him down and making him feel like he's not good enough, he's not special enough, like that he's no different from anyone else. So basically that's what I mean by the world tends to reflect back whatever it is that you seem to have settled on. And a lot of that is to do with the reflections that are very common are people that will reflect back your own feelings of unworthiness. So people telling you you're not good enough at something or criticizing something that you're doing or not supporting you because you don't support yourself, etc.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

Especially in the context of a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

Yes, relationships are reflection central.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

Okay, and on that note.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Richard's like doing a cut.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Well, otherwise we'll be here till next week. Because they're kind of getting longer and longer as your head is jostling with more and more information.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

But what are you talking about? It's like half an hour.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

It's not, it's 37 minutes nearly.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

Okay, bye now, everyone. Bye talk.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

Lots of love, everyone. And um, yeah, go and do all the usual stuff. Bone zone podcast. No, what was it? Or Instagram? I can't even remember. Podcast the Bone Zone.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

I'm so rolling my eyes now right now. Follow us on Instagram, podcast the bone zone. Um follow follow on your favorite podcast app, leave a five-star review, and please do recommend to anyone that you think would benefit from listening to this.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

Yeah, and use the email that we gave you. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

The email is like the least of everything, so whatever.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Okay, everyone, lots of love. Bye. We'd like to thank you for tuning in and listening to this episode today. If you like what you heard, I invite you to follow our show. And if you really liked our show, head over and leave a review on your podcast app of choice. We also want to hear your thoughts and questions. So, if there's anything you would like us to cover on the show, please drop us a line on the email below. Thank you for listening, and until next time.