Ep18. What women want, toxins & teeth

n this engaging conversation, Laura 'Biceps' and Sarah Bevan discuss their personal experiences with health, fitness, and the challenges of marathon training. They reflect on the importance of rest and productivity, the impact of identity on wellbeing, and the current trends in the fitness industry, including the rise of HiRox and the struggles faced by major brands like Nike in maintaining gym operations. The discussion is filled with humor, honesty, and practical advice for listeners navigating their own fitness journeys. In this conversation, Sarah Bevan and Laura 'Biceps' discuss the cyclical nature of fitness trends and the persistent barriers that women face in gym environments. They explore the importance of understanding women's needs in fitness, including gym design, equipment placement, and membership structures. The discussion also touches on the role of toxins in our lives and the misconceptions surrounding them, emphasizing the need for a more inclusive and supportive fitness industry. In this conversation, Sarah and Laura explore the complexities of living in a world filled with toxins, the importance of choosing non-toxic sanitary products, and the confidence that comes from using the right period products. They discuss personal hygiene, societal norms, and the balance between health and practicality in daily life. The conversation wraps up with reflections on family and the joys of life, emphasizing the importance of self-care and making informed choices.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello and welcome back to Fit4, a BS3 evidence-based take on health, fitness and wellness with humour, honesty, and practical advice to help you be fit for whatever life throws at you. I'm Sarah, a women's health coach, PT, and owner of some very sensitive white teeth at the moment.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Yeah, my name is Laura, also known as Bisex. I also have some sensitive white teeth. We're just on a on a we're dentist favourites at the moment. But yes, I am also a personal trainer, a best-selling author, presenter, um master of jujitsu, and but I'm really annoyed about my calf and I can't hold it in any longer. Oh, absolutely had it with this calf. I'm trying to be patient. The process knows that I'm trusting it. I've spoken to the process, my physio knows the process. I think it's just approaching the marathon, and we talked about this yesterday. You've got lots of friends that are also running the marathon. That marinoia is a real thing. Everyone's maranoia. I've not heard that term. Yeah, marinoia is where you base is where you basically go, I'm not fit at all. I'm crap at running. And you forget the 500 miles that you've done this year. How many training ones have you done? Oh, dread to think. I'll maybe I'll tally up later. It'll be on my runner app. It'll be on my runner app. I don't think like some weeks I've not done the full programme basically because if I did like an hour's fitness session, like erg-based or body weight, I can't then go and I take that off my easy runs. So maybe my mileage isn't quite planned, but all the the intervals and the long runs I've done. But yeah, we're in the marinoia where everyone's questioning their life choices. The fatigue, the fatigue is real, it's built up, everyone's peaked, done their long runs, which everyone hated, and then everyone's messaging each other, going, How's your long run? Oh my god, the wind's so bad. I was my friend Eloise. Oh, she won't mind me saying this publicly. She was like, That last run was hell on earth, hated every second. Um, I've got another friend who tried to go out for a run in London this weekend, and she was like, I quit after 8k. She's not running the marathon, but she was like, I quit after 8k because the wind was just doing my nutting, and we were out there for nearly three hours arguing, arguing in my head about how far should I go? My calf, I can start to feel my calves quite tight. Should I keep going? Should I push through it? Is it in my head? Do I just want to end this run? I do, I do just want to end it, and how can I end this ASAP? So, yeah, it's been quite a lot, but I tried to go for a run today. On my plan, I had 10k, and then in my head, I thought, I'll just do 5k because I don't actually have time in that my day. I thought I'll do five, literally ran out all the gear, not a problem. Playlist on 800 metres in. I was like, nah, this doesn't feel good. My calf doesn't feel good, it felt so tight, so I gave it another 50 metres, walked a bit, stopped a bit, swore at myself for a bit, and I was like, I like there's no point in me trying to run through this. So I walked back, I text good Nick, good friend Nick. I said, hello, I've just had to pull up. Can I please come and sit on your C2 C2 bike outside for 25 minutes because I've got marinoia, and he was like, Absolutely, pop me outside, and I went on the bike. So yeah, I don't feel good about it. I have got a the London landmarks half marathon in four days. Um yeah, because it's Tuesday, isn't it? Jeez, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I've got Wednesday, Tuesday. Yeah, it's on Sunday. Yeah. So I've got four and a half days to now run a half marathon, and I couldn't run a kilometre today. So you know what?

SPEAKER_01 4:04

I've got optimism and you have you have a fantastic glow about you as well. I'm so sad this is only an um audio podcast because Laura's come onto this screen. I look like Casper the Friendly Ghost, and Laura is literally glowing. So also because your face is always so fucking close to the screen.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

I look like the moon today. I really look like the moon.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I just feel constantly like I've got a pea head. Again, obviously, this is an audio podcast, but I've got a pea head and she's got a moon head today. I have to sit quite far back. That's fair. I I'm definitely more tanned, but our teeth are quite white.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Our teeth are really white. I put so the sensitive teeth comment is I've now started my teeth whitening journey as well. And as we all know, I'm a very sensitive girl in so many senses of the word. But my I I was really scared that I was gonna get some kind of skin reaction for this. Some some I think one of my clients said, like, be careful with the whitening stuff in case your skin reacts badly. And I was like, What? And then I was like, that makes sense. So I put the trays in last night with my um whitening gel on them, and like, bless George, my boyfriend, he was like, just be careful, like if you get any tingling or any pain, like take them out straight away. I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, fine, fine. Went to bed, like literally, I was like sound o in bed. Three o'clock this morning. I know what you mean now. Three o'clock this morning, my teeth were tingling, and I was like, So I had to take them out. I just had to take them out, clean my teeth, got went back to bed, and they touch wood. They feel alright this morning, but that was after day one, so god knows, but they do look significantly white already. So thoughts and prayers for my teeth. But um, what else have I got going on? This I just feel like these weeks are going so quick. What have we been up to? Oh, have we been to Pillar? We did went to Pillar last week, didn't we?

SPEAKER_00 5:47

We went last week, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

That was last week after we was that after, yeah. We'd and we've got a new cover art. If anyone's noticed, we look beautiful in our new cover work. So that was a big productive day. That was so classic. Me and Laura were like Laura very kindly invited me to go to um the spa with her, and I was like, Yeah, yeah, we'll do a spa moment, have a little lunch. Two and a half hours later, we done mainly work, little gym session, and then a little spa session. But it was that was so nice, like that was unbelievable setup in there. Um, so shout out to Pillar, that was quite an experience, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 6:19

But yeah, Pillar Wellbeing is the brainchild of Harry Jameson, who I ran the Napoli half with. I've known him for many, many years. He's been a good friend and mentor to me, but yeah, he is in the luxury well-being space. So Pillar is his first sort of baby, I would say, um, in that space. So it's it's in the Owo, as part of Raffles the Owo Hotel, and he runs the gym, the gym, and there's a pillar kitchen. Which is I said to I said to Sarah, this is very, very, very me. I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, like just calm, chill, relax, relax. And I was like, I'll bring you my laptop and we're doing this. And actually, yeah, we we ended up working. Um, it's very productive. Yeah, Sarah's very kind and facilitates um every you know, every now and again I'll have a shoot of an idea and I have to I just have to take action immediately. And she has got some new photos, so it was absolutely appropriate to showcase to the world her new profile. But yeah, it was it's been a good week. I've actually been I took some time out of doing parts of my work, which I really loved. And it took me, yeah, it took me quite a while to actually calm the F down because it is hard. I'm such a like, you know, I like action, I like pace, I like getting things done, I like efficiency. And then throughout that time, I definitely feel in my head I was going, you're really struggling with this doing nothing. And I'm like, okay, no, I know I am, like I don't know what to do about myself. And I think I said this before in a previous pod. I remember vividly being asked like seven, eight years ago on a podcast, it was Amy Lane from she was when she was at Women's Health, and we were doing this running jogging podcast, and at the end she went, So what does Laura Biceps do for rest? And I was like, uh brain dead. I was like, shit, you've got to have something to say because but I was like, fuck, I'm such a gym boy, I don't do anything. So I said I liked, I think I said like I like going to the cinema with my friends, which I thought, yeah. I was apologies again if I've said this in a previous podcast, but I just it was just really came so apparent to me again this week that I'm like, oh god, I really struggled. That it's like you know, when you go on holiday, it like you're either ill immediately or it takes you half the time to actually accept that you can rest. And then I listened to this book that was something about toxic narratives, uh, is the name. Maybe I'll share it later, or maybe when I finished it, and it basically said, Are do you really struggle with your identity being around productivity? And I was like, I must do. I must do. I must do. Because I was like, fuck, like I what is my value? And it sounds really ridiculous to strip it back, but that's definitely over the past week. I'm literally asking myself, what do I value about myself and about other people? And I do think empowered women, strong women, women that are capable, we really do centre being productive, and it probably does come from the patriarchy and misogyny that we feel like we need to be doing more to be. Absolutely, but I think you know, obviously, I'm not I'm you know, staying within my my scope as a as a PT. I it's a sort of a wider topic and more of a self-reflection than any advice because I certainly don't have any advice, but what I do think is that it's really important that our well-being is not just performance-based. And I know you and I talk about this a lot. And what I wanted to go in and talk about another reflection on on the performance and centering performance with women in particular, but yeah, I really asked myself, like, what do I value? What do I want? What do why do I find this so difficult? And actually, yeah, I and then I got too into it, and now I'm like, oh fuck, I'm not gonna have to wait. What did you mean? These people are asking me to do things, I just want to go and live my life.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Oh, so yeah, I no, I hear you. I'm exactly saying, like, even yesterday was like, I I kind of semi-took the bank call day off, but I was kind of still doing bits around, and even yesterday, I was like, I can't wait for my day off. And I literally was like, I don't think Laura heard for me all day. I was like, sorry, I'm very busy right now cleaning and organising. Like, I just I'm exactly the same as you. Like, I base I I do, I think I do put so much weight on like how productive have I been today, and whether that's performance in terms of work metrics or even like getting stuff down done around the house. I'm like, oh my god, I just need to sit with my like bum on my hands and stop doing stuff. But I I'm exactly same as you. I really, really struggle to actually just sit. And I think I think I'm and we've touched on this podcast before, but I think that's why I value things like yin yoga and sound baths and going to the sauna because it's actually time where I can't really do anything. That's like I can't, I can't be on my phone, I can't be messaging people, I can't be doing emails. It's just actually this is a bit bonkers, like it's something that I'm super aware of, and I'm I'm being self-employed, it's it's a difficult battle that I think I'm always gonna have. But yeah, it's yeah, I don't really know what the answer is for myself either. But at least at least we're aware. At least we're aware.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

But also, like what I always I feel a bit uncomfortable, not uncomfortable, that's far too severe and extreme. I don't feel uncomfortable. But when you message me and you say, Oh, sorry, I've been doing that, I haven't thought. I thought I don't think away. So I'm worried that you're thinking, fucking hell, she hasn't replied. I'm not thinking that at all. I don't think that at all. I'm just like, send a message into the ether whenever I like I don't think that. And then I worry that uh you think you need to report, like, oh sorry, I'm gonna come back to you. And I'm like, oh god, no, like I don't care. Like, pop off, hon.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Yeah, it's a real me thing. I think I I really God, this is getting so deep on our weekly catch. We're 10 minutes in. Oh god, he's crying, not us. I know, literally, Diggs isn't crying. The cat is um co-producing this, by the way, guys. Um, I find when people ignore me extremely triggering. So I hate the idea of not replying to someone and then feeling like they're it's just it's a me thing, it's a me thing. I need to stop apologising for delayed responses.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Honestly, I'm like, no, I think I messed you up. Please don't apologise. Like, do your thing, like delighted, like yeah, like go hard.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

I'm always like, and I need to get again, there's lots of self-reflection, this 12-minute segment, but yeah, I'm like, I always apologise if I don't reply immediately, which is a bad habit I need to get out of. But yeah, we're just we need to learn to slow down, mate. And I don't think that's how I happen any time soon.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

I I I actually did in the end, and I was delighted with myself, and I've got some I think I let's see how long it lasts, but I feel so relaxed. I feel I've got so much perspective. I also think when things happen in life to give you perspective, like I don't know, just like I spent some time with my family and blah blah blah, and you just think, well, that that's what's important, and I'll do my best. And and actually, you know, I can't centre productivity being my 100% value. Like, am like am I happy? Like, am I happy? But anyway, yeah, lots obviously lots has happened. We've said that yeah, we we went to the we went to the spa, that was great. We we chilled, I had a bit of time out, I've done a bit of jujitsu, but I feel like my entire personality is like center. Oh my god, my watch has just said, remember it's your bedtime. Jesus. Um, my watch doesn't you don't control me, Apple Watch. I am I'm an adult, I can go to bed when I want. Um, yes, I feel like my entire personality is sent or in my head because I'm constantly thinking, how does my car feel? I'm just really looking forward to, and maybe you as listeners are also delighted, will be delighted to hear the end of my running era. I think I'll I think I'll continue my running era because I feel like it's worked for me. I feel good about it. I've met so many amazing people that maybe I wouldn't have met and you know, like I wasn't running. But also, I've met loads of amazing people in the world of jujitsu, and I have to scratch the surface of the sport. Yeah. Um, and also what what else has been happening in the world of fitness this week? So, one of the things that I noticed, and you may, if you are attuned to the the fitness news, you may have seen. So, just under three years ago, Nike launched their own gyms, boutique style gyms, and they had different types. It was like a Nike Strength, I think it was like a Nike yoga and like a Nike Fitness, anyway, all in the US, and it was really exciting. It was around the time that I saw they launched their own like kit that like to rival like Eleico, Black Box, Rogue. So they had their own kit. I thought this looks really cool. They've just closed them all. Now, obviously, this is it's very early, but obviously, a lot of the conversations at the moment around the economy and especially within the fitness industry, it's this real juxtaposition between wellness is booming, it's this billion-dollar industry, and everyone's spending money on wellness. But then all of my friends that are business owners are struggling to make ends meet with their business, and you just it's just so sad to think even Nike cannot get right to run three flipping gyms in the US, and obviously, I don't know all the detail, this is just the the headline, but they are closed, and I just think that's such a shame. There's another reflection I have on that that, like, you know, we always talk about community and the people, and they're really what makes it. But just because you're a big brand and you're a big name, it doesn't mean you're gonna succeed at a gym. This is like where obviously we have not been to these gyms, so we cannot again comment. But you know, Nike couldn't make a gym work in three years, and that says a lot.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

That's like really I was really surprised when you told me that. I was like, oh my god, like are you see, and you see all the like they're beautiful spaces, like the the kit and stuff, like it's so aesthetic and it should it should work, like from the contact it's Nike, it's got such a it's got such an appeal to it, right? And it and in in my eyes, I I mean Nike is everywhere for me, like it's all over my feed. All the stuff that I wear, I love Nike kit, and you just think like, oh my god, if they're struggling, what the hell does that mean for independent businesses? And obviously, the the economy as a whole is a is a interesting place for stop globally at the moment, but you just think like, oh my word, like and yeah, I guess it's just I don't know. I don't I'm I don't own a gym space myself, obviously, but I guess in some ways it might be a slight relief that hey, even the big dogs are really struggling with this right now, like it's it's not just you alone with your business, it's it's a global pitch, and I think that is really quite frightening, and it's it's sad. I think there's so many people trying to make so many big and positive moves in the industry, and the fact that setting up a studio is or a gym or facility is is not an easy thing to do, is it's really sad. And I mean, I tried and failed a couple of years back myself. Um, when I was based out in southwest London, we failed even at the first hurdle. We were trying to look for realistic spaces and it we couldn't find anything, it was just so expensive. So the fact that it's even harder now is really scary.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Yeah, it's it's so tough. I was actually having a conversation with someone um last week that they were competing at a competition, and we were talking about you know prize money and do they get paid to go and compete? Like they were like a headline uh person as put as part of this competition. And I was just listening to it, I was like, oh god, like it's just everywhere. But then I was like, but it's a business, like this is not a charity, it's a competition, it's a business. Yeah so if you are not getting paid, I hope the business is not making money. So it's like, yes, you should absolutely stand there and say, I've I should be valued, I should be paid. But it's like, but can the business actually afford to do that? If not, it's not a viable business, and people just need to be up front with you know. If you participate, heads up, like we can't pay you. Yes, we're a business entity, and yes, you'll see that we've got sponsors, but actually, we're just just about taking taking a little salary ourselves, like we know how hard the events the events business is uh to make money. So, yeah, and when we talk about the events business, obviously we talk a lot about our favourite high hydrox, um, genuinely are our favourite. But what I did see on um an article last week that I shared on my Instagram was this this organic search stats in the US for CrossFit and Hyrox. As you is like the correlation's mad, obviously CrossFit's going down, Hyrox is coming up, and it's just like wow, like the the the evolution of fitness is actually faster, I think, than than maybe people expected. That that thing that was just a baby a few years ago is now taking over like a giant, like a pillar of the fitness industry.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Um, yeah, it's funny you say that actually because I was driving past the big gym in um London the other day, and I really struck me. It's like they've got all their kind of different affiliates on the on the side of their gym, all the different logos, and it was like high rocks, and then cross cross it was kind of like halfway down the wall, and I was like, Oh my god, like things have changed so much. Like that is what people are looking for now. That's what people are actively searching out when they're looking for a gym, and I mean, everywhere's facilitating them out, even the smaller boxes and smaller gyms, they will run some kind of engine high rocks class because that's what people want. It's moving at such a pace. It's yeah, it's really interesting. I'm I'm I'm not surprised with that change in them search terms for sure.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

It's just funny though, because like when we talk about health and fitness, like with the with the focus on the health, like health doesn't move well. I guess new technology and understandings of medicine moves relatively fast. I don't know, not my not my lane, but it always surprises me how actually trend-led fitness is. And it's so sad when you know, as a pro you know, a fitness professional, you're like the basics are the basics, and it's so boring saying that. And you know, we you could do Instagram posts saying here are the moves that I would do for the rest of my life and wouldn't change it. But we are actually quite we're more akin to like the beauty industry in terms of like how things are so cyclical, Pilates, hard. Like, what's the thing? Like, we're repackaging the same the same thing, yet at the core of all of this, I also find this wild is all of this effort, all of this investment, we're talking about the boom of fitness and running, the participation in the UK has still not really moved significantly over the years. So it always leads me to think like, well, what what are the actual barriers? And one thing that I saw that was fantastic, and I sent this to Sarah last week, I was like, you will love this. Um, the CEO of Total Fitness, so a gym group in the UK, the CEO, Sophie Lawler, she did a white paper report on, and this was in partnership with Health Club Management magazine and Liz Terry, the editor, um, on what it's called What Women Want. And I have personally been at a fitness uh expo, um, yeah, it was like three years ago, and there's a chap that I knew, and he was like sales director of this fitness equipment provider at the time, and he was showing me, he was really proud to show me all these new leg presses and all this equipment, and I was like, Oh god, like you know, he was like, Yeah, and you can put your feet out really wide, and obviously, if you're if you're a woman, exactly. We all know the good girl, bad girl machine for the adductors, and it tells me everything about the gym design of where the gym has put the good girl, bad girl machine because it's it's it's a fucking embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

I've never heard it called that before. Oh my god, that's its official name.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

I'm not that's not just a me thing. So funny that has actually really tickled me. What do I call it? The abductor machine, probably. The abductor machine. I think I call it the Bussy Machine.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Bussy? What does that mean? Like bust it down. Bust it open. And bust it down.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

But bust it down. Yeah, the bussy machine.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Yeah. But yeah, anyway. Well, we I think everyone knows what we but that's that's not just a me thing. That is a most people call it a good girl bad girl machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like at the gym that Sarah and I were both previously at, it was like in front of the good girl bad girl machine was in front of a pillar. So no one, no one. So that's positive, I think. It's good. No eye contact.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Because no, you're not going to catch it.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

But I used to sometimes catch someone on the bench press, and it was quite mortifying. So I I'm quite in loads of gym go. I don't ever just look forward, I'll be honest with you. I'm always kind of just having a bit of a look round as well. And I did catch eyes a couple of times of someone coming up, or also coming from a bit of an awkward chest press position, but yeah, the wall probably was a was a sensible spot to put that machine for sure.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

But it's things like that that you know women will notice, the men will be delighted with themselves because they'll be able to show the entire gym their ball bags. No, I'm joking. Obviously, that that is that is obviously a huge generalization. Not all men, but some men. Not all men, no. But some men. And even things like the sauna, I know for a facto in my small study of one to two peers, um, I've asked this really good study that in certain gyms the usage of the saunas for women is significantly higher when it is just women, and men want a men want both genders. And I went to a both gender sauna a few days ago, and it was full of it was half men, half women. And as I arrived, there was a man who's obviously chatting up this woman, they're having a conversation about advances in medical science or whatever. I couldn't not hear it, I couldn't shut my ears, sadly. So I know, so I heard the whole thing and I thought, Jesus Lord, goo the prophet goo ramekin. I need to tell, I need to speak about the goo ramekin another time. It's too it's too long a story for now, but just note the prophet goo ramekin, we'll come back to that anyway. As they they they're all fucked off because obviously I was there for ages because I'm odd, yeah, and then a girl I knew came into sauna and she was like, Oh, thank fuck it's just you. Usually it's loads of people chirpsing and chatting my ears, my ear. And I was like, say less, fam. I don't need to say anything to you. Like, it's nice to see you, but we don't have to talk. So it's just interesting to see what are the considerations that like what do actually women want? Because this fella on this stand at this exhibition, when he was showing me his leg press, he actually just stopped and said, What is it that women want? And I thought, mate, I cannot explain to you on this stand within five minutes what generations of women actually want from you as a man. And it just it just blow it just blows my mind, really, to think that probably most gym spaces, and I do and I do know of gym designers actually Sarah Burgess at Aleiko, she's fantastic, she's done some gym design for me in the past uh in previous places, and she's amazing. And she, as a woman, would think about the good girl, bad girl machine uh positioning. But most is you know, if a man is making decisions for women, that is that I've I've seen a gym decision where a man has suggested don't leave the tampons out. It looks a bit weird in the changing rooms, pop them at reception out the way, and then women would have to go and ask at reception. Well, that'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Oh my word. That'll do it.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Perfect. Hello there. I'm here for the five o'clock, and please can I have a super cotton pad to shove up my vagina?

SPEAKER_01 25:31

Oh, but that's I even noticed it in the gym that I go to. It says on the wall, um, complimentary sanitary um items at reception. I'm like, well, what fucking good's that gonna do me when I'm sat on the toilet? My blob's arrived. Like, what am I gonna wear? Wordle out over reception out. Yeah, like I was like, this is this is pro-clear up on a lot three. Mine that's a bit slippy. But you just think like you just think like this is this is a step, yes, but like join the light, like let's join the dots here. Like, women on toilet, receptions about a two-minute walk away. Like, let's just do some maths here, but it's yeah, there's so there is a long, long list about the length of my height and your height put together of things that we would like as women for sure that need changing.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

100%. And to quote Sophie, she says, It's time to start talking about women and gyms well beyond the context of just training modalities, glute builders, and life stage education. It's mad, isn't it? Because it's exciting that we're talking about menopause, perimenopause, but it's like, uh, okay, can it just be just a part of everyone's standard? Like, I learn as a PTS deadlift, I should learn this. It's the same. And she says there's a tough truth here. The mainstream gym environment, it's membership structures, which I actually didn't think about this one. I know, I know, I know, I didn't think that's why I read it. Yeah, membership structures and its equipment have been designed in a way that silently excludes most women. Their emotional needs are written out unconsciously and unintentionally. And it's one of those things, it's the juxtaposition between what gym. Every gym goes, we are community, we are inclusive. But it's like it's the softer things, you know. You can't just stand at the front and say, We are inclusive, shout, shout at women, we'll have you in here. Coming in, and Kathy, Kathy's like, Well, I've just come back from having two children, I don't know my ass from my elbow. Like, okay. So, yeah, I f I found that fascinating. And one of the things I'll I'll speak specifically about the um the membership options that this report goes into. Re-entry. So, women, as they get to a certain life state, obviously, because m some women are choosing to and are having children, they are out of the game, obviously. Now, there is still not enough research to support women to confidently train pre- and postnatally, I believe. So, I believe most women get scared because they feel a bit shit, and then they leave the gym because they think, oh, I should probably not do this now. And they choose to leave because no one is in there going, Yo, Kathy, you're fine. Sit on a good girl, bad girl machine and do maybe do a s or maybe do a sumo deadlift. Here, pop this barbell on the block so you can reduce your range a little bit. Does that feel more comfortable? Yeah, that's probably not happening in the sort of advice. If you've got a great PT, obviously that is happening. I've coached a lot of people, as have you, through that, so they feel confident, but there is this dropout, and it's a dropout and re-entry for many different scenarios. So, a like we said, you could have a baby, it could be a period of illness. We do know that women bear the brunt of the emotional and physical labour, they could be caring for someone, they could have a part in their career where they need to be all in, and actually, for health and fitness is just dropped out for them. Now they are coming back in in a I would say a on the whole a less confident state. They're not just re-entering, it's not like a bloke would leave, and maybe maybe you could explain a bit of this, but for a woman, there's so much that has changed physically through these life events, you're not the same person coming back in.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

No, but yeah, and also just women, I just think women just doubt themselves more than men do. Like there's just there's a lack of confidence with women in terms of re-entering a space like that, and I think the the space itself obviously has a lot to answer for. I think women sadly generally still don't feel as welcome or as safe in that space as a man would. But I totally agree, it's like that you're not gonna leave, but also I think men, if you leave with an injury or you leave for health reasons, obviously both men and women are gonna come back not feeling where they were before, and that is that can be really scary. And also, the dropout rate, like you've mentioned, like a lot of women won't come back. A lot of women just will not come back into the gym either.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

Yeah, 100%. And that what she says here is she said, what was once familiar can suddenly feel alien. But that if you think about a membership like so sad, no, I know, but if you think about like a membership, oh you're ready to join again, okay, Kathy, in you come again, you know where the lockers are, off you go.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, and it's so interesting, even thinking, I'm and again we talk about this a lot. I'm a confident person in gym, I find gyms generally speaking quite a comfortable place to be. But even when I joined in your gym this year, I I kind of it was really good for me to rem to go through that process because actually it sounds really silly, but not knowing where the toilet is or not where knowing where the lockers are, when you're feeling vulnerable or not kind of at 100% capacity, silly little things like that can actually make you feel the the experience really unpleasant. Like if you've just had a baby or you've just had an operation, there's not a toilet on the gym floor that you know where it is, that could put you off going, or if you've had a prolapse or anything like that. Like, I I always make such a point, especially when I was working in the commercial gym, going through what we'd label as maybe the basics, but we've got to see that process as someone's first experience of any environment, and that that is really I think that's missed a hell of a lot on any onboarding process for any gym.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

Yeah, where's the toilet? In case I haven't, and I actually episode. And I've talked about this before, and uh, this is unlike me to go into this much detail, but I have worked with PTs at my gym. We if thankfully I've not experienced it, but I've worked with PTs at my gym who have they're working on the hour every hour, they've maybe got a five, ten-minute break to go to the toilet and they've leaked through their clothes.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

Me, yeah, that was me last year, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Yeah, and and it's horrible, yeah. And it's like, you know, even the PTs are going through it. So imagine if you're you know a member of this experience. And then the other thing that I wanted to point out that this report is fantastic about that again, I kind of knew, but I just reading it, you're like, well, of course. Yeah, the priorities change so fast as a woman, and actually, as you go older in age, and this isn't to say that as you age you shouldn't be focused on performance, but the statistics show that there is a lean towards just overall well-being. It's like you get to like a maintenance phase, and I think the in the gym industry is like you can start at any time, and you can, you know. I think there was a woman that was 80 or something. No, she was like 60 something. I saw on the internet today. She did a sub 20-minute 5k on the weekend. I saw that, yeah. Yeah, so like I we are not sat here saying that performance is impossible at any age, it absolutely is, but it comes at a cost, I tell you that. And most people just don't want it anymore, and that is okay. But most PTs are younger, more energy, they are performance focused. So the whole industry runs on performance and comparison. Right. And Kathy comes in with a prolapse, and she just wants to move. She just wants to have a nice time, mate.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

She just wants an hour away from her back-to-back diary or her kids that are driving her mad, or and that's it. And I I do know this I this report was come at a really good time. It's honestly, I'd recommend anyone read anyone who's in the industry or not. It's fascinating. But even like I was speaking to um I made a I made a gym friend today, ooh, um, and he was asking how I was training, what I was training for, and I was like, Oh, I'm not, and I for the first time, like performance is such a like it's something that we're like ingrained with at the moment. It's like actually, I'm just really enjoying training and not rushing through my sessions, rushing from client to client. And I said to him, like, I'm actually really enjoying a slower pace of training right now and just enjoying movement for the sake of movement, and I think that's forgotten sometimes. I think he was a bit like, oh, you're not training for a goal, or you're not training, and I was like, No, not really. I'm just enjoying my exercise at the moment, and I think actually that's that's what a lot of my clients have always been. For them, I've never really worked if I'm honest with you, kind of specifically performance-driven clients. I've always worked in kind of the pre-postnatal field, where actually the most important thing for them is to have a healthy delivery and and feel good coming back from from labour. So, I mean, and I guess you could argue that in some elements is actually giving birth is is one of the biggest performance goals that you're gonna have in your life.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Oh, it's a headliner, it's a headline show. Pop that's oh no, I'm not gonna say what I was about to say.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Oh god, don't pop that. I think it's an it's not an overused term, but I think actually that in itself can maybe put people off the gym as well. That that narrative right now is that performance, performance, performance. Well, what if I just want to go and just get away from my kids for an hour? Or like my husband's drive me mad, or my partner's drive me mad, like that is just a good enough reason to be in the gym as as any. And I think um yeah, it's that honestly. This report is fascinating. I literally I kind of had to glaze over it, but I'm gonna go back through it because it was just like I you think of it, but then actually, even like yeah, the the membership structures, like actually pausing a membership can be incredibly difficult at some gyms as well. It's like, well, actually, it shouldn't be like that. It's another barrier to entry and re-entry that we haven't really thought about in that greater detail.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

100%. So I guess to summarise this report, and like I said, we do urge you if you're interested in it, to you know, in the within the industry to read it. But the actions uh Sophie suggests can take many forms. So better capacity management. So a lot of women report it's just too busy, and I feel a bit overwhelmed, and like we we understand that. Um more thought, more thoughtful layouts, like we talked about good girl, bad girl machine. Um, you know, where's the toilet, please? Because my vagina's not what it was. Um, sadly, stronger staff presence. That's this is something that I quite like. I like to just see someone that's like, How are you doing? Like, if something happens, I'm I'm just here, you know. It's just that sort of subtle. Um, and also like when you when you arrive, like not just the staff being present, but like having a decent interaction with them, not just feeling like you're they're busy and you're just flipping member, please get stuffed. Like a just even just a smile and a nod, uh, smile and wave uh would would do for me. And then, like we said, more more flexible membership structures. So just knowing that I can come for a month and then I can, as lots of women say, fall off the wagon for a month. And what I love that I've never heard this phrase, re-entry pathway. And a re-entry pathway to me says rehab, you know, like you're re-entering the gym, and here's your rehab programme, like you're stepped. Like, what about for people that have been out of the gym for a physical or mental reason? Yeah, what's their stage, what's their staged approach uh uh back to the gym? So that that for me was amazing, and just you know, the recognition of women's life stages, and and in some cases, as we've seen, you know, women, women only. There, there is a I do think there's a market for it. It's not it's not for me, but I have had loads of experiences where I've sort of looked around the gym, and I'm sure you have as well, and it's all women lifting, and you're like, Yes! And then you sort of give each other, you're like, Oh, it's just birds today, and it's like, yeah, I saw that you were lunging, and they're like, You look really great doing this. It it just feels different. There is just that gender camaraderie, I'm sure it exists for men as well, and this isn't you know, I think we should all be able to coexist and support each other, I really do. And I've been so fortunate to be in a lot of spaces where that's the case, but that isn't the case in a lot of places, uh, and and and that's a real shame. We've evolved loads, but I've as Sophie's uh report, Sophie Lawler, CEO of Total Fitness, as her report suggests, we have got a way to go, and maybe it is those softer changes.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

Yeah, I agree, I totally agree. And I think it was just so nice actually reading our report. I think you probably agree, like being a female in the industry, there's so many thoughts you have to yourself, but don't actually ever see it written like that. But having it kind of displayed and written so eloquently, like it was just like, oh my god, like this is this is uh buyer, wouldn't it? There's more people thinking, yeah, and there's more there's more people thinking the same thing, like maybe, maybe now we're gonna get some momentum and see some changes. But yeah, it's um it's I would yeah, highly, highly recommend anyone reads it because it's and even just go through and skim some of those top line details, like it's um it's quite mind-blowing, but yeah, really, really well-written report. So thank you for highlighting that, Laura, for sure. But shall we move on to topic two of the day? We are we've chatting chatty chatty boxes today. Um, but yeah, I don't know, this this kind of topic came up with me. I've actually kind of as I've hopped on about, I've been studying quite a lot recently, and one of the topics I've been looking at is kind of toxins and detoxification. And I'm very aware that it's a real buzzword on the internet as well. Like everyone again is kind of like scared of toxins and how can we avoid them and they're everywhere and they have such damaging effects on us. So I just wanted to kind of talk about it a little bit more openly and be kind of, I guess, share my experiences and my studies, but also kind of real life experiences and make sure that um I can kind of share some of my minor wisdom on that. But yeah, um, I guess just to define them, it would be a useful thing to do. So I feel like again, it's used so heavily on the internet and a very clickbaity-y phrase, but toxin can be defined as a poisonous substance produced within living cells or organisms. Um, they can be small molecules, peptides, or proteins that are capable of causing an immune reaction. Um, but I mean, I don't know if you've seen this everywhere. Have you seen quite a few of these posts being like, don't wash your clothes with these or don't eat this and use a filter and all this kind of stuff? And it's in reality, like our bodies have got a massive kind of sense of defence built in naturally. Like, we've literally got like our liver, our skin, our digestive system, our kidneys, our liver, lymphatic system. Like, there's so much that our bodies do naturally to help defend us from these toxins that actually I think it's being overused, and I think it's scaring quite a few people. And I was the same, there's a one lady in particular who I follow, and she's a great practitioner, but some of her phrases, I was like, oh my god, I need to go through weight troos now and choose all these stuff that hasn't got like sense and stuff. And it's like, well, actually, it's quite difficult to avoid these toxins that we're being told that we're consuming all the time.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Yeah, I am not, I do not buy in, I don't have a reaction to these uh things, uh sadly. Do you know it? No, I I live a very I've lived a very toxinful life. Um and I pay and choose to toxify myself or have done uh for many, many years. So I think I would be, yeah, it's just not something that I like think yeah, things like sun care and that that kind of stuff, and I I and you know, just basic things I'm I'm sort of into that is well known. Do I, yeah, do I read these? Yes, I actually Googled um what's it uh what is it that is in oh my god, I'm having complete mind blank. What's in toothpaste? Fluoride. I've fluoride, yeah. I think I've heard a bit of fluoride and I Googled some fluoride now because we're on obviously we're on our teeth journey. Yeah, so if I'm truly to be a turkey teeth wonder, I need I thought maybe I need fluoride free. Now my dentist hasn't told me this, the internet has told me this. So I Googled Zing toothpaste, and I was like, okay, do I need this Zing toothpaste? And it's been like hanging around my Amazon. It's called Zing. I think it's fluoride free, anyway. Uh and I just haven't bought it, so it's kind of like I'm just a bit like, well, I exist in a world full of like, what do you want me to do? I live in fucking central London. I've I open my window, I'm covered in toxins. Yes, like I like I have to clean my windowsill once a week. Like, like, what do you want me to do? So I I just I I sort of live my life with appropriate risk, I would call it. I've been in some funny scenarios in life, and I've probably done things I shouldn't have, but I have, and I'm still here, and a bit of fluoride, a bit of toothpaste, you know, it just is what it is at this stage.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

I I know, and I kind of caught myself because I think it's so easy, especially with all this study I've doing around it. I'm like, oh my god, I was like, George, we can only buy organic and we can't buy this and this and this. And I was like, look at the prices of this, and I was like, this is silly, like this feels really actually quite alienating. Like, actually, to to live an inverted comments toxin-free life is near on impossible. And I think people obviously, again, it's a you able to monetize from that as a professional for sure. People kind of sell themselves with these kind of uh toxin-free coaches and whatever. But actually, like, as you said, we a lot of us live in polluted areas, like we live in places where we can't avoid it. I I drink tap water, I you know, like there's there's things you can do, but I kind of think we need to draw the line at what is realistic and what is unrealistic, and I think it varies a lot person to person, right? But like buying a purely organic like recipe or purely organic food shop is gonna cost you a significant amount more money, and I can't believe it. It's not doable for a lot of people, it's it's not doable for a lot of people, but I must say the one thing that I have actually really focused on is buying non-toxic sanitary products.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

Now, this I can get on board with genuinely. I'm not taking a piss, I agree with you.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

No, no, no, no, exactly. Like you think like your vulva and like your vaginal canal, like it's such thin tissue, and there's such like a rich blood supply, it's something that actually is a highly sensitive to toxins, but it's also there's more and more products on the market now that you can buy that are gonna have less damaging um items in there. Like, there's literally there's some products that have got like chlor um chlorine dioxide in them and bleaching agents, which is just like so not good for us and so not good for our foo foos. Um, so that's the one thing I'm like actually I can really get down with. I think Moon Cup, we went to a lovely mooncup event. God, that feels like ages ago now, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 43:57

It was like three months, two months ago. I think it was. at the start of February. But I think like with things like that, it's like when it comes to sanitary products, like it's it's it's working with the crown jewels. So I'm gonna I'm gonna invest in looking after in something like that. If it's like I don't know something else. I don't know. I can't I can't think of another thing that I don't care about. But like you know sanitary products yeah you you that's that's the area that I'm gonna listen to. Yeah and and I do and I do think personally I cut I couldn't manage a moon cup. I don't know why I just don't think I could I I love the idea of it and fabulous if you can it's not for me. I'm too the it has to be practical and I have to feel and I have to feel I have to feel confident with it. And I I don't I as as minimally as I can will I use tampon absolutely minimally because I I know that that that shit is not high tech. It is let's be honest it's it's an overprocessed cotton wool on a string and I'm and I'm attached and I'm and I'm attaching it to the crown jewels and it's it's not ideal.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

It's not ideal no it's actually like and you actually when you actually think about it I think we had this conversation in private before like the like the idea of actually inserting a tampon is just like it's so unpleasant it's just like and it sit as you say it sits so closely in our prized possessions that it's just actually there's so many more products on the market now. Yeah moon cups I'm not gonna lie I they scare me personally I'm I'm a real I get really claustrophobic about things like that and I'm claustrophobic Darren I'm claustrophobic Darren and moon cups and diaphragm not diaphragm's what they're called they're like they're like discs they're basically like a moon cup but it's just like a flat disc that but some people get on really well though I'm like that is so fantastic that it works for you but for me there's so many like non-toxic non-processed I think uh uni was one that I've used before and um moon cup I get on really well with but yeah it's is it D A Y Every D A Y E.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

I've used some of that they they um they're free at uh my jujitsu gym which is lovely oh cool yeah I think it's it may be infused with C B D which is great it's having a chill out up there. I don't know I was like well what do you think yeah like what does that what does that mean but anyway I need to research that because I didn't I didn't deep that at the time I was like okay sounds alright.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

It just felt really relaxed. But what's your take on period pants? I can imagine you not liking them uh no I've got a pair have you?

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Yeah I was gifted some from my friend Kelly Newton she uh co-founded Nixie Body which are period pants oh wow and she she gave the first time I got given them was to run the Vitalis 10k in my pants now if I was just to wear my Calvin Klein thong if I was to wear my underwear I don't think that would be appropriate for the streets of London. I I I very much agree. So essentially well I mean they got a show anyway because I ran two steps and it flew up my arse anyway so no offence Kelly sorry but it did. And she gave me these pants and they are technically leak leaking pants and she is very open about postnatally she really struggled with leaks and she created this business to support women like her to have confidence whilst being active so she gave me these pants and I was like well I don't know I'm not I don't think I would ever have bought them myself for period pants I don't think I could do that. But what it does do is when I'm going out for a run and maybe I am at that stage of my cycle they're like an extra layer of confidence for me.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

And they're fucking comf and they're really comfortable yeah yeah so do so do I really use them for its prime intended use no not fully but what it does serve for me is a secondary use which is just a bit of confidence that I can just go and know that if the worst were to happen I'm you're not gonna be I'm relaxed yeah yeah yeah I love that now I I'm a big I'm doing I'm a massive period pant fan I just I've I think I bought some like years ago and they have been replaced since so worry but even I think like everywhere does it like marks and sparks do them now some lady the other day this is like my highlight this is so off topic but this woman I was walking up the high street she pulled over and she said darling darling and I said I took my headphones out I said yes she said is there marquees on the high street here and I said yes how fabulous is that marquees marquis it's gonna I've never heard of that marquees is there marquees on the high street anyway going back to that um everywhere sells them now and I love them especially like overnight I hate having like a pad on yeah so for me I do really love a period pan do I wear them actually no telling I've got a period thong now for when you know that like post the last couple of days and you don't want to have a pad in you don't have anything in they are fantastic as well so I'm a massive fan of those so yeah I think toxins I think it's something to be aware of I think like Laura said like I'm sure there's worse things we could be doing I think making smart decisions where we can especially looking after things like our crown jewels is essential but also like it's it's something to be aware of for sure but am I gonna am I I'm a really smelly girl personally am I gonna use a natural deodorant all the time probably not if I'm training I'm gonna stick to my Mitchums um I just thought my mind went somewhere very different there I'm just I don't know if I'm just gonna leave it there. When are you you're talking about your armpits I'm talking about okay fine you were talking about pants and I was like okay I sort of I'm gonna let her I'll let her land with this I don't really know why my sweaty flaps no my sweaty eyes okay fine moving on make period pants great again period pants one deodorant again again some people argue actually that's a very sensitive area you can get a lot of absorption there but for me personally I would rather have the comfort of something wearing that I'm not I know I'm not going to smell in a sweaty environment but can I see the value of maybe using a natural deodorant sure when you're on the weekends when it's just George you know it's true though so there's benefits but it's like it's cost benefit like it is with everything everyone's personal but it's making the call for yourself but also I think the financial element is something that people really need to consider as well that actually going from zero to a hundred in terms of trying to eradicate all toxins in your life like I just don't think it's gonna happen and I just don't think it's feasible for a lot of people um about 15 years ago I was part of a project and we did a usage a consumer usage study on deodorant and it bait we did it by day and men this is a part of the study years ago their deodorant usage dropped off on the weekend oh interesting yeah but it's it's also unsurprising now you know it's like you know they did they to go to the office as we all used to do five days a week yeah yeah yeah you know you're on the traveling or whatever you're going to a shared environment in a professional environment you're using deodorant on the weekend they're like fuck it we ball we ride a dog and they're just kind of like fuck it just it's gonna be in my own smell yeah but that's so it it does it does usage um very much changes and people's attitudes to a sort of deodorant and I also I like I really respect I sort of respect it I don't respect it if I'm in your armpit on the tube and you're using a natural deodorant with m hardly any aluminium which is the the what's efficacious in a deodorant stop uh the smell but okay pop off hun um you know she she can choose but yeah I I actually I'm gonna finish with this one thing which I again I'm sorry if I've already mentioned this on the pod but one day is just blurring into the next I wear I'm very cautious of bodily hygiene more than ever now I'm at jujitsu because you are in crevices let me tell you of people that you have just met and you are in the cracks that maybe their partners haven't seen for a while you're in there I'm in there so I'm like really conscious of like smelling really good so I'm like before I'm going to jiu jitsu I'm cleaning my teeth I probably clean my teeth two or three times a day anyway but before I go to jiu jitsu I'm cleaning my teeth I've got a chewing gum in before even if I have a coffee chewing gum after the coffee and then I'm spraying perfume on my ghee on my outfit and this one girl goes oh you smell of I thought she said you smell of a pie and I was like oh my god what I smell like a pie I was so devastated I was like I'm sorry what did you just say she was like you smell she was like your smell I was like what do you mean I was like fuck here we go um she meant you smell of pine and by that she meant oud she had smelt my Zara Fabulously London which I can also say it smells divine I think I told Laura about four times I said you just smell delightful and it's it's a Zara.

SPEAKER_00 53:13

It is a Zara and she was very chucked with it as well£20 it's actually not now there's been a cost price increase in Fabulously London it's now it's now£3499 for£100 not haven't it? No we don't mind Zara we'll support Zara we think I will I will support it um you can smell fabulous right I I do yeah well when I wear I said to you last week when I wear Tom Ford no one says a fucking thing so I'm not gonna bother you just say that with such like venom you're like no one says anything Yeah it was like 120 quid for a bottle of fucking Tom Ford and no one says anything. So anyway that is that um Sarah and I are really working on and not this this podcast not being super long so we're gonna we're gonna cut to uh the end I'm gonna fly in with my my peak my peak of the week um I had a lovely I had a I just had a lovely Easter day with my mum and dad and and my cat Harold uh young Harold he's 16 years old and I just maybe I'm getting on in my old age but I am just really enjoying and just feeling very grateful for all the time spent spent with my my family and mum I will tell because she listens to this podcast I'm gonna out her on the podcast she'll be absolutely livid but she I got her and I gave her an Apple Watch a few months ago which she tells me she's been wearing I can tell you she hasn't because it was it was dead it was not charged and she said it told the wrong time and she said it's been telling the right time up until just last week and I thought that can't be right so I charged it and it now tells the right time but now she she thinks she said can you see all the because I'm showing her sleep stats that tell you how long you sleep can you have you got access to all this information can you see this I said no I can't this is just you for you to see so she thinks I'm basically I've planted yeah I'm spying on the brother because she has said for 41 years she hasn't slept for 41 years and I'm about to prove her wrong because I I've heard her snoring so much over the years. So that was my peak hanging out with with Gillian David they're so funny.

SPEAKER_01 55:20

Do you know what my peak of the week is this weather like this just makes me so happy minus the smelly bins like summer smelly armpits and bins probably and smelly armpits smells maybe just summer odours aren't the best but this weather just makes everything better like it just makes me want to just makes me want to do stuff like I'm like let's go out let's go let's go here let's I'll go to the gym now whereas before I'd be like no I'm gonna watch Mormon Wives forever um I just love this weather I it's made me very it's gonna be hot tomorrow 20 23 degrees tomorrow yeah I'm gonna I'm definitely gonna burn I'm definitely gonna burn but I it just it's just the best it is just the best we're out of the winter slump now I can feel myself opening and the teeth are coming the winter uglies will be shedding hopefully I've got a tan Laura's got a really great tan it's just good vibes good vibes I'm gonna make my son get my teeth done in two weeks I should beat me to it I've got to do two weeks of whitening and then composite I can't wait we're gonna have lovely teeth we're gonna have to redo the cover art then as well yeah yeah I hope maybe just our teeth maybe just our teeth yeah that'd be nice yeah 100% and then my uh pit what's your pit uh well I've I'm just basically calf depressed I'm in a medical state of calf depression and I just like I don't know what in my head I'm like asking myself now why did I think I should go out for a run where I'm like losing my mind how long have I been a coach and I'm not I'm not thinking rationally if you run 25k and then 9k do you think you should nip out for a jog or when you've had a calf strain probably not you dick so it's so sweet though because like I'm I'm like I go to type it and I'm like no no she knows this is I do know I do know and even like we we did workout together on Thursday and there was loads and loads and loads of box jumps in it I shouldn't have done them and I just looked at you and I went we're not jumping are we you're like yeah and I was like oh I didn't say yeah I didn't jump I didn't jump did you not did you step instead yeah yeah I didn't do one jump but I but even I was like the step down from the box the step down from the box the the eccentric loading because I no where I went wrong you chose a lower step and I just was like I'll just have this step I shouldn't have done what's the point who cares no one so I I'm honestly everyone will just be delighted to see the end of this but you won't see the end of this because I'm doing an ultra marathon in June but until that point I just need to take one day at a time and just calm calm myself calm down I know I really that unfortunately is my pit it just is I I'm it's in I'm in my head about it now. No I understand not I was the same with the shins but my pit of the week is I feel like I may have spread myself a little thin the last few months and I think it's slightly coming back to bite me on the bottom where I may have overcommitted myself to a couple of things and I've had to put my big girl pants on and say hello I'm so sorry I don't have capacity right now which for me is like terrifying but you know what I did it and I was welcomed with some really lovely responses so it's really not that bad but lessons I say it's every blink in time but I think lesson has been learnt to no it hasn't I tell a lie it's not and it's probably gonna be a bit a pit another time but yeah I feel like I slightly overspread myself in a number of ways but we're working progress you know we're just we're always learning you know that was wise for me I think I didn't realise that you yeah I thought you'd already had that conversation but obviously that had been I can imagine that was very heavy hanging over you yeah scared me a little bit I don't like letting people down so I was lovely which is lovely because you don't want the opposite it's just you you the the person that loses really is you because you're you're going over the worst case scenario or someone judging you but yeah well done for putting on the period pants the big girl pants the the big toxin free pants thank you I can't be asked with it toxins are everywhere I'm toxic Britney Spears is toxic we're all toxic I know free Britney free Britney free Britney we've done it we've done it under an hour mate right let's start it under 15 seconds okay thank you goodbye bye