Why the "hot mess mom" identity is keeping you from reaching your dream body

You've read the books, downloaded the apps and free guides, and know what to do... so why aren't you there yet?

The mom who "has it together" isn't more disciplined than you. She just thinks differently of herself.

You don't need more information or a  "better plan". What you need is to stop acting like someone who can't stick to her goals, because as long as that's your identity, no strategy in the world will save you.

In this episode, we're getting into the real reason most moms stay stuck: not motivation, not time, not the kids but who they believe they are. Plus, I'm sharing exactly how to start shifting that identity today, one small action at a time.

🎙️ In this episode we'll cover:

• Why goals fail when your identity doesn't match
• How to define who you're becoming (not just what you want)
• Actionable steps you can implement to start the shift today so you can create the body of your dreams

👉🏻 Ready to become the mom who actually sticks to her goals and build the body + life of your dreams? Strong as a Mother kicks off May 11th and you can join with the Founders Rate available until May 7th.

Want to connect with Christie?

Make sure to follow Stronger Within so you never miss an episode. New episodes drop weekly with practical tools for sustainable fat loss, mindset shifts, and habits that fit your life.

If you want to learn how to make consistent fat loss progress while balancing mom life (or you identified your struggles in this episode and want help) join my 3 day LIVE event Ditch The Diet: Mom Edition for free on June 9th-11th! Register for free here!

Ready to go ALL in on your goals with high touch, personalized coaching and strategy so you can lose fat consistently without restricting yourself or spending hours in the gym? Apply for 1:1 Coaching!

Looking for a low commitment way to get direct access to me and my expertise? Join my group coaching program, Strong as a Mother!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey friend, welcome back to Stronger Within, the podcast for women who are done chasing quick fixes and are ready to build real strength and lasting change from the inside out. I'm your host, Christy Magry, and here we talk about becoming stronger within in your body, your mindset, and the daily habits that shape your life. If you're ready to build a body in life you feel confident in for good, you're in the right place. Your problem is not information, it is implementation. And here's what I mean by that. You already know what to do when it comes to losing fat. It's pretty simple. You have to eat less calories, you have to track your food, you have to strength train, you have to do all these things. You already know you have to do them. Your problem is that you're just not doing it consistently. And this is something that I've noticed over the years is it's really not a lack of knowledge. We have more access to more information than ever before. Google, Chat GPT, all the Instagram accounts you follow, different podcasts you're listening to, all kinds of things that give you the information that you need. So what is it that's holding you back? I want to talk about that today because when I understood this, oh my gosh, it changed my world in just every single sense because I was also that person who I knew what to do. I just kept holding myself back and I couldn't understand why because I really did want to reach my goal. It was really important to me, but for some reason, I just kept self-sabotaging and standing in my own way. And so today I am going to show you how to become the type of person who actually follows through. Because again, the real problem is not that you don't know what to do, you know what to do. It's the identity that you have. And here's what I mean by that: your current identity, which is the way that you think about yourself, the way that you speak to yourself, the way just that you you view yourself as an individual, what you think you're capable of, that is what is driving your actions. So what happens is you're not going to act based upon reaching your goals. You are going to act based on who you believe you are. So for example, if you tell yourself things and you don't even have to say these out loud, it could just be subconsciously in your head. But if you're someone that believes I'm someone who always falls off or I'm not disciplined, or you're a mom and you say things like, I'm too busy, I don't have time for myself. Your brain is always going to pull you back to your current identity because our brain likes to keep us safe. Our brain likes what is familiar, so it scans for anything that's not to keep us safe, and it wants to keep us in our comfort zone, even though we know reaching our goal would make us happier. Our brain just cannot cannot connect. And so we have to help it get to that place. So again, if you follow the plan perfectly for five days, if your identity is I fall off track every single weekend, your brain will literally look for an opportunity to prove it right. And the hardest thing about this process is that it is very much a subconscious process, and you don't even realize what the heck is happening. You don't realize that you're doing that. You know that you want to get to your goal, you can't understand why you keep keep standing in your way. But the more that you can learn about how your brain works and how much your identity truly runs the show when it comes to the results you see, you have potential to tap into potential that you've never reached before. So the cycle that you are currently stuck in is what I like to call the identity loop. And once you see this, you cannot unsee it, which is good. So there's four things that happen here. Number one, you have a belief about yourself. So let's say your belief about yourself is I'm not consistent. Number two is you're going to act in alignment with that belief. Again, even if it's subconsciously, you're gonna skip tracking your food, you're gonna overeat, you're gonna skip your workouts. And then number three, you gather evidence. I fell off again. Yes, I'm your brain is proving itself right. Of course, yes, I am the type of person who falls off all the time. And then number four, you reinforce the belief where you're like, yep, this is just who I am, knew it. It's this constant loop, and every single time we are reinforcing this belief in this identity, and so it takes a lot of work to bypass that and really tap into your subconscious brain. Now I know this is a little bit more on the like, what the heck are you talking about, Christy side, but I have been extremely into researching neuroscience the last almost year because when it comes to habit change, it's so interesting to me that some people pick up on it and some people don't. And some people really, really struggle to change and really struggle with that self-sabotaging behavior. And so I've been trying to figure out through my years of coaching, like where does this really stem from? How can I help my clients be more successful? And this is such a huge part of it, and this is why my coaching program and the way that I teach, and even in my own journey, it's not just strategy, it's not just the macros, it's not just the workouts, because if it were just that, you would have gotten to your goal because you already have that information. So the thing really standing it in your way is your identity and your belief about yourself. You quite literally cannot outwork your identity, and so your mistake right now is that you're relying on motivation to override that identity that you so deeply hold. And motivation is this very temporary emotion. We cannot rely on it versus your identity is this subconscious programming, it's something that you just go through the motions without even realize realizing you're doing it, and so your identity is gonna win every single time over that motivation. So, an example of what this could look like, you know, I think about some of the moms that I work with, and they say, you know, like I'm gonna go in all week, I'm gonna do really good, and she does. She meal preps, she gets in her workout, she tracks, but then something happens. One of her kids gets sick, her schedule changes, some stressful kind of thing happens at work. Now she's reverting back to skipping meals, grabbing snacks, not tracking, skipping workouts. Because in these moments of stress, when everything else is happening in our lives around us, we don't rise to our goals. We fall back to our identity and we fall back into this subconscious pattern. And so, again, if your identity is I'm inconsistent when life gets hard, you're always gonna prove that true until you learn to change it. So, let's talk about how to actually change your identity. Step number one is to choose your new identity, and this part is honestly so exciting. Like, let's honestly take this journey from a place of excitement because how cool is it that you get to literally decide at any moment, I'm gonna change my identity, I'm gonna change the person that I am. I mean, I even look at the last few years, especially the last two years, since I've really dove into these concepts, and I'm a completely different person. But had I not done this deep inner work, I never would have gone to this place. And a lot of times, again, we hold ourselves back because we have these very fixed mindset or this very fixed belief about oh, we are just who we are. But the reality is that we can change that, guys. We can change that. I don't care if you've struggled to lose weight for 20 or 30 years. You could decide today, I'm gonna change my identity, and I'm gonna be the mom who loses the weight and has the energy for her kids and loves being in the pictures with her kids and doesn't look at herself in the mirror and pick herself apart. You can decide to be that. The only person holding you back right now is you. And so step number one is choosing your new identity. And again, this is exciting, so let's come at it from a place of excitement, not oh, I don't know if I'm gonna get there. That friction is gonna hold you back. So, what you want to do is think ahead to six months, twelve months, two years, three years, four years, five years, whatever timeline you want to do, whenever feels most believable to you. I want you to sit down, pull out a piece of paper, pull out a journal, pull out a Google Doc, whatever you want to do. And I want you to type a day in the life of you having reached your goal or being closer to having reached your goal. From the time you wake up in the morning to the time you go to bed, what does your day-to-day life look like in terms of the habits, the actions, the way you feel, the way you speak about yourself, how you move through the day. And you need to really find self-affirming statements that feel good to you that can go along with this. So you could say, I am someone who prioritizes my health daily. I am someone who is consistent even if I have a hard day. I am someone who believes in myself and believes that everything is always working out for me, and I don't need to understand exactly the why or the how right now. I just know that I so strongly believe in my ability that I am going to do whatever it takes to make it happen, and I'm gonna get there. Like it's it's everything is working out in my favor. Your brain needs a really clear target for who you're becoming, not just what you want. Because again, if you're sitting in your current identity, this new identity literally cannot exist without the current identity dying. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but it literally is what has to happen. And so, step number two is to start what I like to call casting small daily votes. If you've never read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, it is a wonderful book to read. And while we're on the topic of books and being a student of life, you know, with all of these concepts, I know they can be a little bit hard to grasp in just one podcast episode, and the way that I describe them to you might not make sense for your brain. Like, how does this actually work? And so what I suggest doing is actually consuming every single day content on what you want to learn. If you want to change your identity, well, then consume content every day on it. There's two books I really like. Number one is Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I think I just said two books, but there's multiple books. So there's that one, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza is a really good one too. Atomic Habits by James Clear. Um, The Power of Your Subconscious by Dr. Joseph. I'm blanking on his last name. I'll put all these books, book suggestions in the show notes below. That is the one I'm listening to right now. I'm a mom, so I don't have time to sit down and read. So I listen to audiobooks, but every single day for any opportunity I can, whether it's 10 minutes in the morning or listening in the car, I'm consuming some sort of information on the things that I want to be better at or learn more about. Because it's not something where we can just think about it once and then not truly ingrain it in our lives every single day. You need to be a student of life with these things if you want to move in the direction toward becoming this person. And so I really suggest, you know, taking making that a part of your everyday routine. But again, step number two is start casting small daily votes. So you're not going to become this new person overnight. It's not that you're going to sit down and write this identity and say, Well, I woke up and it didn't happen, like, not working. You have to become her through repeated proof. So some examples of this could be even if you overeat one day and you're someone who usually avoids tracking it because there's some level of guilt or shame or I messed up, so you know, very much all or nothing mentality. You track it even after eat it overeating because you're casting a vote for I'm the person who doesn't quit and doesn't avoid. Or, you know, you choose to make a healthy, high-protein breakfast versus skipping breakfast like you normally do. You could say, I am casting a vote for being the type of woman who takes care of her body and fuels her body. Or if you go for a short walk, you could say, I am casting a vote for being the woman who moves her body daily. It is just a normal part of my routine. And so we have to build evidence that we can become this person through small repeated actions. And it starts with the identity, right? And then the actions. And then number three is we have to stop resetting all the time because every single time you start over, you are reinforcing the identity of someone who falls off. So let's normalize not being perfect because we are humans, not robots. I like to say that all the time because I think you know, a lot of people put this unnecessary pressure on themselves to be perfect, and we just we don't have to be to see progress. And so instead of just like constantly, you know, choosing to reset, just at that next decision, make a better choice. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. So, you know, maybe your old pattern was you would mess up on Friday nights and you would overeat and then you would do you would just like cheat all weekend. Instead, now just like I said a minute ago, even if you overeat, still track it, don't run from it, and at that next meal make a better choice. This is how your identity starts to shift, and this is where you can start to collect proof on purpose because most people focus, tend to focus on the negative, they ignore their wins, they obsess over their mistakes, they give way too much energy to everything that's going wrong, and they don't sit enough in what is going right. And your brain is going to believe what you show it repeatedly, so you need to start showing it evidence that you are consistent. Every tiny little thing that you do right, I want you to hype it the hell up. I want you to be so proud of yourself. There are no small wins. Like, honestly, you have to make every single thing a big deal because that's gonna give you more of that, like, yeah, I'm that girl, I'm the one that does that energy, versus feeling like a failure all the time, talking to yourself negatively. Of course, you're struggling to stay consistent. How can anyone stay consistent with that negative mentality and the way that you're currently thinking about yourself? And so I always like to start my morning off as well with some journaling. I also do meditation, so that's a really good way to also slow down and visualize and get yourself grounded before going into the day. You have to find the type of meditation that really works best for you and your brain. I use Dr. Joe Dispenza, if you couldn't guess. Some people call him Daddy Joe, which I think is the most hilarious thing ever. But that guy, that man, has changed my life a hundred percent. He is amazing. So every single morning I also will journal. I'll write down three things that I'm grateful for right off the bat. Are you doing that right now? Or are you just like not really acknowledging all the amazing things you do have in your life? Because I guarantee you there is somebody out there that would kill to be in your position. I think about this all the time. I'm someone who, you know, even now, like I'm human. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like, mm-hmm, I have body fat to lose. I don't love what that area looks like. And I have to stop myself and think for my legs, for example, there is somebody who is probably out there in a wheelchair that would love to be in my position and I'm sitting here being ungrateful. Or even things, something I write down all the time is like the health of my kids, um, having a fridge full of food, having heat in our house. Like, we don't really slow down to think about how amazing life really is. And so when we hyperfixate on the negative, guess what shows up more in our life? The negative. When we focus on the positive, guess what's gonna show up more in our life? The positive, because the universe is a reflection of you. Maybe that's a little bit more on the woo-woo side. It's quantum physics, it is science, you know, you can't argue it. It's true. And so you have to take the time to be write down what you're grateful for, and then take the time to write down through a couple daily wins. Maybe you do three daily wins of three things that you are really proud of yourself from doing. And over time, you are creating this new loop in your head of of course I'm the mom that shows up for herself. Of course I'm the mom who prioritizes her health. That's just who I am, that's just what I do. Especially as a mom, being consistent is not going to mean being perfect. To me, consistency as a mom is being able to have flexibility, being able to pivot quicker when I need to, not having a repeatable routine, but having really strong systems and habits in place where it's just like, this is just the way that I live my life. It's not something I really have to force myself to do. It just is how my life works. And so something that could be helpful to you too is creating like a non-negotiable three. So let's say one of your um non-negotiables could be having protein at each meal, tracking your food, even if it's not perfect, moving your body, um, getting in your steps, drinking your water, pick what non-negotiables feel best to you. So let me be very clear. This is not about doing everything at once or never messing up or never having a negative thought about yourself. This is just about saying, hey, I know I need to have a positive mindset in this journey. I know that I need to shift the way that I speak to myself. I know I need to shift to the way that I look at myself, the way I handle certain situations. Because right now you're operating fat loss from a place of doing more, more, more, more. You're working harder, working harder. It's not working. What if instead the thing holding you back has nothing to do with your fat loss strategies and everything to do with what's going on up here? I'm pointing to my head, to my brain. That could change freaking everything for you. That is so exciting. And this would be a great time to let you know that Strong as a Mother, my signature group coaching program, is back open for enrollment, completely revamped. I am so excited to bring this back. We officially kick off on May 11th, but here's exactly what it is. Strong as a Mother is a group coaching program that helps moms break out of this constant dieting cycle, lose fat without feeling miserable, and build a lifestyle that actually sticks. We do this through macros, habit building, mindset work. That is a huge piece of what we talked about today, and strategies designed specifically for your life as a busy mom. Again, we're not just focusing on what to do, we're focusing on helping you become the woman who actually follows through. This is not another program where you start strong, fall off, and then you're back at square one. This is where that cycle ends. We truly focus on building a lifestyle change through those identity habits and really simple systems that fit your life as a mom so it actually sticks forever. And we're officially in public pre-sale. You can lock in at our founders rate. This is the lowest price Strong as a Mother will ever be offered at, and it's reserved for the women who get in early and help build this community from the ground up. We officially kick off Monday, May 11th. You will have full support, structure, accountability, coaching from me, and of course, a proven method to help you stay consistent without being perfect, fit in your clothes better, have more energy for your kids, stop obsessing over everybody, all of the things that you want. You're gonna find it in this group coaching program, and I cannot wait to have you here. So all you have to do is head to the show notes. I have the website linked there. You can sign up right on there. All the information is found on the website as well. If you have any specific questions, feel free to shoot me a message on Instagram that is also linked in the show notes. But get in and grab the founders right before it's gone because it's never gonna be here again and it's gonna be around until May 7th. Alright, guys, thank you for spending this time with me. If this episode resonated, I'd love for you to share it or leave a review. It helps this message reach even more women who need it. Until next time, keep becoming stronger within.