101: The Clam Canyon Affair - An origin story built on emails, & immediate confusion

In the debut episode of What Were We Saying?, Big Uke & Tubesox finally explain how this show came to exist—through a completely trustworthy origin story involving mysterious emails, shadowy focus groups, and a decision that absolutely should’ve been reconsidered.

No hot takes. No experts. Just two guys talking long enough to forget what the original point was.

Lower your expectations. Then lower them again.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:54

I'm gone. It's uh it's here now. This is uh what were we saying with uh Big You and TubeSot. I'm Big Up.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

And I'm TubeSot.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

And we're uh we're starting this thing. Episode one. You excited?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

I am uh so excited that I hardly slept last night.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Uh I didn't sleep last night either, but I don't know if it was excitement or heartburn.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

But nonetheless, it's finally here. The first episode of this venture, shall we say?

SPEAKER_00 1:23

I guess we should, I mean, we kind of introduced ourselves, but I'd like to introduce the full cast. We've got Big Yuke, we've got myself, and behind the camera is Edgar. He's kind of a pain in the ass, but he's part of the show, and well, we like him.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Ish.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Also like to give a shout out to Harold Winthrop and the Silver Ashtray Orchestra. That's who played us in.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Very excited to have them on board.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Uh and we are coming to you from Blunderworks Studios on the fifth floor today. Uh they've moved us around twice already, even though we haven't started the show yet. But today we are on the fifth floor. What uh let's get to it. What are we saying today, you?

SPEAKER_01 2:09

The first thing I'm gonna say, on top of the fact that I'm just very excited to get this whole thing rolling.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

How about uh we got here?

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Explain yeah explain the whole point of this before we dive into some things. Well, how did we get here?

SPEAKER_00 2:24

We certainly didn't plan. We didn't sit down and say, hey, let's do a podcast. That's what the world needs.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Yeah, we talked a lot. I didn't know necessarily this was what people wanted from us.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Well, the people did speak.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Some people spoke.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

We uh were identified by someone. We don't know who, but we were identified, and we uh we were both well, I don't know how you got in touch, but I received letters.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

I it was just a box on my doorstep. I came home from work one day. It was brown paper, very kind of sketchy considering I don't live on a mail route. So I was a little concerned and I don't give out my address. So to not have any names of these people and they just dropped packages off was a little alarming at first until I opened it and realized what was kind of going on here.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

I think when I first heard of Big Uke, I mean our paths had crossed a few times over the last few years at various sporting events and various uh social functions. And uh all my note said was we've been paying attention to you guys and uh we'd like to talk. Hell if I know what that means.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Yeah, it was a little alarming, not gonna lie. Knowing what I did know of TubeSocks, which again was almost as much as I knew about the people who were getting used to.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

The fact that my parents named me TubeSocks was That was the alarming part for me.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

I've said alarming a lot now, but to meet a guy named TubeSocks It was uh it was exciting for sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

The uh it really started to get weird when the focus groups happened. Um again, because these were set up by a third party that we weren't allowed to meet. They wouldn't give us any names.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

No letters were ever named, no return addresses.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

I think it was at the Polish community hall or something. The first one was. We uh I wouldn't say we lured there because that sounds creepy, but we were uh encouraged to go there with the promise of a couple of beers and a hot dog.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

I didn't get a hot dog. Did you end up getting a hot dog?

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Two. And they said we just need to get some drinks in you and film you for a bit. So I mean, who doesn't like that?

SPEAKER_01 4:40

They filmed, and then uh we weren't privy to exactly who who was in these uh these focus groups. Um all we did was get their feedback, and to say it was not supportive at first would be an understatement.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Well, I I know we weren't supposed to see the uh the notes of the focus group, but some of them were just inappropriate. One person was asking why the hell they were there.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

There was one guy who was, I think, more confused than excited about what was happening, um, but didn't hate it by the sounds of it.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

So he was also he was also angry that I took his handicap. Well, I know I took his handicapped spot. So we started off on the wrong foot there.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Yeah, again, it wasn't the best kind of start.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

We knew it was serious though when uh when when money showed up.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

Yeah, that was a definitely a sign that we were going in the right direction, or at least we're not alert in the right direction.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

And not enough to be suspicious, just enough to To alert us by a couple of lights and a and a camera.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

And uh the packaging was weird. Usually you think envelope, not pinata.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Well pinatas are problematic anyways, but uh that's certainly not how you expect to get uh to bankroll your uh huge podcast, right? It was a cool pinata though. But basically the uh we stuck with it long enough to uh turn the accident uh into a show, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

And uh and that's kind of what this is. Nonetheless.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

We are a bit of eye candy.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

We're I something.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Anyway, so that's that's how we got here. And uh we're finally finally rolling with this.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

We finally we're finally kicking it off. It's been what would you say of prom like heavy promos.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Well, we were first identified back in August, I think. I think by these people who still have I think Edgar knows them, but he won't say anything because Well, we don't know much about Edgar himself. So Edgar's super shady.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

He's he's shady, but he knows shady people. Like the math checks out, it does make sense.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

That's why we're here, and we're gonna be here weekly at this same time. That's the plan, so uh essentially you can come hang out with us and uh hang out, chit-chat, grab a beverage.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

This is what we're doing. Enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Do you want to uh what are we saying today?

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Well, I'm gonna say some football things.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Big football coming up this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Let's uh couple big games coming up this weekend. A real big game coming up in a couple weeks. Um crazy games this past weekend. Um didn't go necessarily how I predicted they would have gone on our appearance on the hangout with uh with Awanak and Gonzola. Um I was 0 for 3 to start the weekend. I did end up picking all the road teams and that didn't uh it almost went good. Pan out great though. But then it really didn't. Um Luckily my uh my sports betting mind is a little bit different than my talking on the hangout mind. So I didn't necessarily have bets placed on all of those teams that I thought were gonna win. So it wasn't as big of a kick. Um some crazy games just in general, overtime, weather. Yeah, that's always exciting.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Um I just I'd like to say, I find weather exciting in any part of life.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Well, that's like it doesn't have to be sports.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

I just really enjoy weather, weather-related occurrences. Weather sitting at work, look at the window, it's raining, it's like, oh my god, we're getting some weather. This is exciting.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Well, there's always someone, just as a side note, when you're talking about looking out the window, someone's always got always got a quip. Absolutely. Oh, the flowers are gonna love this, oh, it's gonna clean up the roads, those spots. Oh, we could use the moisture. There's that keeps the dust down. Always comments to farmers.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

That's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

But it's the same, it's the same ones every time. You notice that?

SPEAKER_00 8:32

It's the great thing about weather is that there's never a time where there isn't weather.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

That's deep.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Whatever the weather is, it's always weather.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

That's uh that's deep.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Anyway, so who do you who do you who do you? Yeah, anyway, back to it.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

This is something that matters. Uh I from the from the get-go, I did have the Rams going all the way. Um, so I've still got that bullet in the chamber.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

I myself have uh sprinkle on the Patriots to win the Super Bowl, not because I particularly like the Patriots, but because it's basically a coin flip when I play said that.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

So you're still alive.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

So I'm still alive, still sticking with that.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

I didn't act I never I never find myself making futures bets like that.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Well, the future's an amazing place to be.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Oh well, potentially. It will be if all of a sudden the Patriots win the Super Bowl. The future's a great place.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Very unlikely.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Yeah, I just I'm I almost more often just forget to and then run out of time.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

So Broncos. What are your thoughts on the Broncos?

SPEAKER_01 9:33

I think they are just lucky to be in the spot they're in.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

And they won't get any further.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

I can't imagine they're gonna get much further. Unless this whole broken ankle thing is a ruse, which I know online today.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

I like a good ruse as much as I like weather.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

There was a bit of conversation about how potentially there's uh some trickery afoot. Um, I do believe it's probably most likely that he does have a broken foot.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

I would suspect that if Chris Jones was in charge of that team, but it's not a Chris Jones team.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

So that's a great point. Uh but I just think they're like their quarterback, he took one snap this year and he knelt. It was the end of a game, took a kneel down. So he's gonna be a good thing. That's not great. That's not great reps. Not great reps. Sure, he's practicing and stuff, but I think when it comes to the actual the game, I mean I know he's not a rookie, so he's he knows the moment a bit more, I think, but I still think the Patriots are just gonna kind of run through and have there's no such thing as a sure thing in sports, but they've got a uh uh a short line to get through to get to uh to get to the Super Bowl and get to uh San Francisco.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Well I certainly hope they do, because I could use that seven dollars that I've got coming to me if they do. What about uh Rams Seahawks side of things?

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Well, like I said, uh I've had the Rams to go to the Super Bowl since day one. Well, not day one, I guess day one of the playoffs. Um I thought it would have been versus the Texans, mainly so that at the Super Bowl party there would be a rivalry between some friends of ours. So I'm still sticking with the Rams. I think I know that guy. I think you should probably know both of them.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

My uh issue with uh well, the Seahawks is apart from their hideous uniforms when they used to have cool ones, back when Jim Zorn was slinging the ball. Um and the Rams have gone away from a good-looking uniform set back when Merlin Olsen and Fred Dreyer. Sure, those are names I know. Of course they are.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

Anyways, you are a big uniform guy. I well it's just what's what's that?

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Well, you know, look good, feel good, right?

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Oh, sure, but like they're not I don't think they're necessarily terrible.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Oh, they are terrible. The yellow's wrong, the blue's wrong, the shiny, but they're the helmet. It's a horn. It's wrong, it used to be good, they made it bad.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

But it's it it I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

I don't think it's it's still a horn, but it's a shell of a horn.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

That was always one of my favorite parts of going to watch football games this season, and we'd both be at the same place, and you would often comment on the particular sports costumes that the athletes were wearing.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Uh yes, sports costumes. That's uh costumery.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

That that deserves a drink, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Alright, so I've got uh I've got the Rams and uh and the Patriots moving on, ultimately the Patriots winning, so I can get that seven dollars that's coming to me.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Yeah, and I'd say I probably have I have the same two, um, but I think the Rams get it done. Not to make you lose your bet, but I think it makes for boring content if we just always agree.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

This is true.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Not that we're geniuses at knowing how what content is good for people, because we've only been at this for about 12 minutes now, so we'll see how it goes.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Um what's dumb this week, youke? Oh, I I got some dumb stuff. Do you got a do you got a do you got a liner for this uh segment? I do. Before I get to my fit here.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Before I get to my dumb thing, um, I would like to uh present these words from our first sponsor. Were they the first for some book? Uh Big Harold's typewriter emporium. Shout out to Harold. Um it is the last of the big box typewriter stores, which is which is kind of cool. Um lovely. And sad at the same time that there is only one left. But nice that they have There used to be seven. Seven? Oh one out of seven. That's a pretty good record. Decent. Um nice that they still got a few shekels to throw our way. So it doesn't take much, by the way. That is true. Uh so Big Heralds typewriter emporium, uh, the home of new and used sales for typewriters. Uh they've got parts such as ribbon spools, platin knobs, your line space regulators, those go all the time. Typical shit, right? You know. Uh they uh they have a surprising amount of makes and models that they will service and find parts for. Uh so that's cool, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

And they're I type these cards out on my typewriter. Maybe you can do that.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Typewriter cards. Uh they are now selling electronically assisted models, which is kind of fun.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

It's the future, man.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

They're trying to stay the last one, not become the one who went out of business. That's good. I was doing some digging, and it's not necessarily a dumb activity that this was. It was more a dumb use of one's time. So, Swedish soccer player, Daniel Jacob. Love where this is going. Uh, this I this was uh uh reported on the 14th, so fairly recent here. Daniel Jakob, a Swedish soccer player, he set the Guinness World Record for the longest marathon controlling a football for a male. And now for when I when I say controlling a football Like dominating it? No, not not quite that direction.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Okay, because that could be a different dark news story.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Keeping it off the ground.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

And not holding it. So he spent, well, I want to this is mainly foot-to-knee. Okay, foot to knee. Like a giant hacky sack. Basically. And if we need hacky sacks, I know a guy who gets you.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

I know a guy whose grandma makes them.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Yeah, he he'll he's the mule. She doesn't know, but uh how long do you think he he went? And this is a Guinness World record, and so those are usually pretty pretty tedious. How long do you think he went for?

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Eight hours.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Oh my. You are incredibly incorrect. Which way? You are very, very low. Oh my goodness. Well, maybe not very, very, because I don't want you to go like 40 hours. It's less than 40. 20 hours. You're a lot closer. Add the two together. 37 hours. Okay, now you're crazy. 28 hours, 21 minutes, and two seconds.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

That seems like a long time to me.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

And so that's why I chose this. I don't even sleep for that long alone. In a week, I would like too long. Like 28 hours to be doing one thing of anything. Well, is is like pretty crazy. I so I like I like I said, it could it's not that this is dumb because to be a Guinness World record holder like that, that's fun. You know, you're always gonna be in a book somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Until someone But you're still the guy he beat. Well, you still buy that year of the book. Exactly. So as long as you have that year of the book, you're always the record holder. Right. And you show your kids only that year of the book.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

100%. So I just thought it was kind of a just a dumb use of time to sit in a he sat in a gymnasium for 28 hours, 21 minutes and two seconds of controlling said ball. And that doesn't include setup time or another. Like this guy, not only was he up for more than a day, he was bouncing football.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

The thing is with that, to get to that level where you're doing that, how many hours are you putting in to get to that? Well, wasn't it 10,000 hours to be perfect at something? I I'm not sure. I think that's I think I'm just short of that on being perfect at anything.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

And so that so after doing this, um, I digged a little I digged, I dug a little bit more. I digged. What do you think the previous record was?

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Eight hours.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Okay, no, you're still obvious. 26 and change. And it was set in June of 2010. This record stood for 16 years. Although I'm sure there were some people along the way attempting it.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

But then it I wasn't one of them. I definitely was not. I was not one of them.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Yeah, I just I feel it was a dumb use of time in the moment. Like obviously looking back, you're always well graduated.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

But he's a professional footballer.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Well, it doesn't say he was professional, it just said he's a Swedish soccer player.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Because if he's a professional, then he's like could be doing some of that on company time, which is a wise use of time perfecting.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

I imagine he has some high-ish level of soccer skill.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Because if this guy's like working at a warehouse all day. Just bouncing football. Yeah, that's a good thing. Getting paid to well, I guess maybe that's all right.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

So uh so after finding this, and because it led me to a secondary conversation here. Is what do you think you could reasonably an attempt at?

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Like, is there anything that off the off the cuff I don't think there is anything that I could make a world record attempt at, nor would be willing to put in the time to attempt a world record at?

SPEAKER_01 17:51

See, but that's the thing. They're not all about longevity. Like you don't have to do something for 28 hours.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Like I mean, I see like the the world record, the stupid things like, oh, running barefoot over a Lego, or like who the who the hell does that? Except for the person that does it and is in the book.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Like is there anything Honestly? Have you ever been just like doing something like in your life and be like, wow, I wonder if I could like stack these on my nose? And like how many, or like your how many boiled eggs could I fit in my mouth at one time?

SPEAKER_00 18:18

The answer is three, and no, I haven't thought about it. That's impressive.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Let you guess how many, think you, how many you could do, and then what that's really I'm a really good guesser.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Apparently. I was like in my high school yearbox.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

That might be a reoccurring segment here because TubeSocks guesses.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

In my high school yearbook, it actually says TubeSocks, great guesser.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

There we go.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Yeah. Voted most likely to guess correctly.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

That was my uh thing in my yearbook. Most tennis balls held in one hand. And the caveat was again, once the final ball is placed, they have to stay in your hand for 10 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Well, as a terrific guesser, as per my high school yearbook, uh, I would say uh twelve.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

You think you could hold twelve?

SPEAKER_00 18:58

No. Or you think the record's twelve? Someone could hold twelve.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Well, someone probably could hold twelve, but but this guy can hold twenty-six.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

I could hold three. Confidently. And I do believe And move about the cabin.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

It would be obviously not just like in the surface at one level. Obviously, he's got to be.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

But you have to move your hand?

SPEAKER_01 19:16

No, I think that's the whole point of not you don't have to walk. You're just holding them.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Go up a flight of stairs. Oh gosh, no, that'd be crazy. Well then four.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Oh boy. You're almost there. But like 26.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

I could realistically like place I couldn't stack 26 on the floor without them falling over.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

I could place like four in my hand. And then like two.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Someone else would help you with the fifth.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Right. Yeah. I don't got big hands though, so you'd have to have some like Shaquille O'Neal mitts. He could probably hold a lot of freaking tennis balls.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

29, I bet.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

We'll have to get him on the show.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Yes. Uh Shaquille O'Neal, if you're watching, which you may be.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

I'm a s once TNT's done and your basketball stuff's over.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

But yeah, so moral of the story is that's what's dumb. Records in general of this calendar.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

I can appreciate that. I'm always perplexed by people who uh put in so much time to uh holding tennis balls.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

I would want to watch.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

I mean, I get people that say play the world's longest hockey game. That's a cool record. That's like a definitive game. That's a you're playing a school. That's cool. Let's just do this for a long time. But no one's holding tennis balls in their hand for charity. Oh, if you are, I I think it's a pre-subpart charity.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

I can't imagine there would be much of a you know ticket drive for hey, come on out to see Big Yuke try to hold tennis balls. If it was Shaquille O'Neal, maybe that's a bit more of a I'd uh but again, I don't think they're there to watch the tennis ball part.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

I'd come to see it, buddy.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

I got uh I got something that's dumb as well. This is more of a news item. And the headline caught my eye for multiple reasons. The headline itself is multiple monkeys are on the loose in St. Louis, and AI generated images are complicating efforts to find them. So that's like an onion layer peeling thing. Can you say that again? Multiple monkeys are on the loose in St. Louis, and AI generated images are complicating the effort to find them.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

You could have stopped after just monkeys on the loose.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Right? That's that's that is crazy enough. This is why I'm talking about you got the onion layer here.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Well, start peeling layers here.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Allow me to read. What started as an ordinary Thursday quickly turned into a citywide game of monkey watch after vervet monkeys were spotted near a park on the city's north side. Since then, the sightings have multiplied, the rumors have snowballed, and the monkey lore has taken a life of its own.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

I don't even know where to begin with that.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Here's uh Willie Springer, spokesman for the City Department of Health, says it's been rumor after rumor. I mean, you can imagine. Not all of them have been rooted in reality, however. No one knows who the monkeys belong to, how they pulled off their escape, or even how many are actually roaming free. Some residents have claimed they've captured the animals, while others went a step further, posting fake and AI-generated photos online backing up their stories. Despite the digital evidence, as of Monday, the monkeys are nowhere to be found. So these aren't monkeys from a zoo. No, these are someone's monkeys.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

How does someone want to have multiple monkeys and two let them loose or have them get loose? If you own monkeys, you would think you would have a pretty tight ship.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

There's another layer to this, and it involves such a problem because I think if I lost my monkeys.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

I would be very concerned.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Right?

SPEAKER_01 22:42

But again, would you would you want to tell people that they're your monkeys if you're not supposed to have them?

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Here we go. Oh. It's been a lot in regard to AI and what's genuine and what's not, Springer said. People are just having fun. I don't think anyone means harm with these reports. Um the largest credible count so far is how many would you think?

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Five monkeys.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Four. Ooh. That's the largest credible count. Oh, credible. Uh there's been obviously incredible accounts of probably upwards of five. Um four monkeys. And since owning vervet monkeys is illegal in St. Louis, officials aren't holding their breath for an owner to come forward and confess. Now you just think also, so so are you like cold? Like you think my monkeys are out. Well, that sucks. I guess better get new ones. I gotta get the boys back. In the meantime, Animal Control has teamed up with primate experts from the St. Louis Zoo. Who the man in the yellow hat to track down. Yes. He'd be the first one I'd call the monkey on the loose. And uh there's a darker side to this. Oh boy. I mean, every monkey story has a dark side. Yeah, that's a good point. Residents are being warned not to approach the monkeys and call for help instead. While vervets are known to be intelligent and highly social, officials caution that they can also be unpredictable and even aggressive.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Well, it's a monkey.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

In other words, admire the monkeys from afar.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Has anyone ever said, oh no, get real close to those monkeys?

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Sidle up to that monkey. If I may, if if you're unfamiliar with vervet monkeys. I am unfamiliar to jot down a little note. Vervet? Uh vervet monkeys. It looks like velvet, but it's an R instead of an L. Vervet monkeys are native to sub-Saharan Africa.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

So not St. Louis.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

No, where they are widespread, weighing in at 3.18 to 7.71 kilograms. That is a very narrowly defined weight spread.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

3.1?

SPEAKER_00 24:41

3.18 to 7.71. They are sometimes called green monkeys.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Is a 14-pound monkey just living in your living room?

SPEAKER_00 24:47

They are sometimes called green monkeys because of the tint of their fur. I would hope that the tint is green, because it would be weird, because it doesn't really, it didn't really say that their fur was tinted green, it's just they're called that because of the tint of their fur. Like maybe it's just like totally bizarro that they're.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

I'm still flabbergasted as why someone would have monkeys.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

I couldn't imagine having a monkey in my house, let alone free.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

I guess get back to like the show Friends. Ross had a monkey. He's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

I don't think that show was real.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Well, I don't think it was a dock.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

I mean, I want to believe I want to believe, but I also don't know how those kids afforded that apartment. Hence. Edgar, can you grab that, please? I really like how the info narrowed in, right? 3.18 to 7.71 kilograms. When someone asked me what I weigh, I'd say, oh, uh 82.38 kilograms roughly. Like right down to the second decimal point.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

If people ask me what I weigh, I just I don't answer.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

I can appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

I tell him to shut up.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

He's got a he's got a list to read here. I've got a liner for it. Our other sponsor. We have two. Which would be the Hungry Prospector Dining Lounge and Farm Supply. Located just off the highway at Xit 215. Serving steaks, stews, and things in skillets. Featuring portions that don't ask questions. Every Tuesday is two for one trough night. That's a hell of a deal. Buy one entree, feed something else for free. I mean, maybe you could bring a monkey. Or four. Or four. Uh the Hungry Prospector. You'll know when to leave. Our first ever Big Ukes bunch of stuff list.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

First ever Big Ukes bunch oh stuff. Um, yeah, so this came to me in a dream. No, I'm just kidding. Uh it came to me in a group chat, basically. Oh. After my I'm in a group chat. It came from that group chat. Oh my goodness. That's weird. Uh my co-host here, TubeSocks, and his uh dismay for rice cookers. They're terrible. Friend of ours looking to get a rice cooker. He was asking us our opinion. And Tube was very opinionated about how he has a pot.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

And I'llcepan.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Nobody said a saucepan doesn't work.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

We're not reinventing the wheel here.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

Nobody said it doesn't work. We just we're talking about rice cookers.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

I don't need an appliance to cook an egg. Nor do I need one to cook rice.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

But they sell them nonetheless. And so that got me thinking of useless inventions. And to start us off, number 10, shutter glasses. I don't know if you know the the like the sunglasses that are slotted. Oh, yeah. They were it's seemingly a thing in like junior high, at least for like for me.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

In junior high for me, they were not a thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Well, that's because the space shuttle wasn't yet. Those again, just stupid. I figured people know what I'm talking about with those. Number nine. This was a thing in 2004 that Sapporo did, Diet Water. And look it up. They they came out with Diet Water. They said there was some other stuff in it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

They put an extra reverse osmosis into it, and uh yeah, and it didn't last long.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Uh it was a pretty novelty thing. Uh number eight, paper straws. Just in general, I think we all kind of agree on that. You know, I see the turtles and such, but like these paper straws suck.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

I would also say that straws kind of suck too.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

I mean they sure, but as a useless invention, a straw, quite useful.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Yes, but it's also cool drinking with a straw. You don't you don't you go to take that's not the way I want to present myself. You make a good point. But anyways, I digress. So that at least they don't disintegrate. Yeah, well, not quickly.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

No, never the real ones.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Yeah, the real yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah, well that's again, they're a good invention. Paper straw is useless invention.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

Yeah, it lasts forever. I like a forever straw. Uh if I'm making something, I want it to never go away.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

So metal. You get a metal straw, but then you gotta clean it. Plastic just throw away. And then they get full of crap. Yeah, okay. That's not the point here. Number seven, cocktail napkins. And when you think about it, a cocktail napkin is probably one of the least absorbent materials on the planet. It's a it's a flimsy coaster. That well, that's the kind of the caveat to this, is that a great invention is coasters. Cocktail napkins are usually the least absorbent thing in the bar. If you're on a patio, they just fly away. They're just dumb. I think they're useless. Hence why they're on my useless inventions list.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Number six, mood rings. How am I supposed to know how you feel if I can't easily see it on your finger displayed for me to read you? Because they don't work. Yeah, okay. Well, there's that.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

And also you need the list that comes with the ring to know what each color means.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

If you don't have that list, the the code, the decoder. If you don't have the code, I'm just wearing a purple ring or something. Is that good? Is that bad? Should I be scared? Should I come close? We don't really know. That's true. That's never thought of that angle.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Number five, the pet rock.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Which I thought could have gone higher, but I put it five just kind of right in the middle. I do recall that being a thing when I was a kid. It was not for me because I was very small.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

But uh I do recall that being uh on top of that, an era adjusted version of that, the USB pet rock.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

I did not know that happened.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

It plugs into a USB and that does nothing because it's a rock. So that's that's there.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

I'm glad that technology could assist.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Right. Number four, and this is one that I apparently have a beef with, because after I figured it out and put it on the list, I kind of went on a rant to my cat. I don't think he appreciated it either. But candles in the shapes of numbers.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

I don't dislike them. I uh I mean if you say someone like me who's maybe 35, I don't want 35 candles on my cake. I'd rather have two candles at the three and a five.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Okay, so then you know when the next time you can use that five is ten years. The next time you can use that three, ten years. You know what? Well, and God forbid you turn 55, that three is useless, you gotta buy another five.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

The investment, though, isn't so great that it's gonna deter me from the purchase.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

But how often do you have one thing that size for 10 years?

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Oh, I got a big drawer of shit like that. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

You got a drawer that eventually sometimes They'll come around again, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

Useless. Don't even put candles on it. Why do you want someone spitting on your cake for one? Well you go at a birthday party.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

That's again, that's a whole other segment.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

And then so that's where the candles thing. Apparently, I have a beef with candles on birthday.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

Yeah, it's just candles.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

It's just not just numbers.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

It's just you don't want people spitting on your cake. Well, I don't want people to spit on birthday. It's like come on over, spit it. Hey, happy birthday to me, spit on my cake. Well, eight.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

If it's my birthday, I don't want no blowing out. I don't want no one should be blowing up my candles. It's my birthday, it should be my spit. I have a beef with candles, apparently. And we will dive into that later. This was one that I number are we out here? Uh that was number four. So this is number three. I didn't even realize that this was a thing. A DVD rewinder. I said that correctly. That can't be a thing. Uh well, that's the thing. They were sold as a somewhat novelty once DVDs became the thing, because there was obviously VHS rewinders. Yes. Because you had to rewind a VHS with the digital nature of a DVD, you gotta rewind it. But they sold them as almost a an ode to yesteryear. It's like comfort food. It's like, oh, I feel good about this. I'd like to rewind my DVD. Yeah, and it's so it was simply just like a little stand with a stick and a and it with a little wheel on it. You put it on, turn on, and it would just spin the DVD.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

The interesting thing about the uh the VHS rewinder though, also is the premise behind it is you weren't gonna like burn out your VCR rewinding your tapes. So you'd put it in this cell, also, or you didn't have time, so you could rewind your movie while you're watching another movie. I don't need that kind of time boxes I can do some people do. Oh but a VHS rewinder at least had a purpose. Yes, it did.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

A DVD rewinder. That's just pretty awful.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

That's as dumb as a monkey in St. Louis.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Maybe four. So number two, one apply toilet paper. And I don't think anyone here will really disagree with me.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

So just stop. So when you're at work then. Just stop.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Just stop. Why? And on the first episode of What Were We Saying with Big Youke Tube Socks, the first Big Uke's bunch of stuff, number one on the useless inventions list, the parachute coat. I don't think I know what a parachute coat is. And for a good reason. So a uh a French tailor, I did not write down his name.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

That's a man who plies his trade as a tailor, not a few. Yes, his name was a French guy named Taylor. It wasn't a French guy named Taylor. It was a French. Taylor's not a very French name.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

He uh he designed a parachute coat and he had good intentions behind it because it was more designed for like you know pilots and things too and having to. So it wasn't a fashion accessory. It wasn't a fashion accessory. It had the design in mind of when you need to get off of something, you have a parachute attached to it.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Everyone needs to get off on something.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

No, it's just a coat. Oh, okay now.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Sorry. It's a family show. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

But instead of wearing a big bulky parachute, I guess. He was just wearing a coat that functions.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Parachutes are awkward.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

So he finally got permission to test said objects before obviously going to market with it. And uh he was obviously a French guy in Paris.

SPEAKER_00 34:19

And well, his name was Taylor.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

French Taylor. In Paris. So he was testing it from the Eiffel Tower. So he jumped. He fell 57 meters to his death. That's the big test.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

He was pretty confident in his invention.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

It did not work. He died.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

That was the end of Taylor. Dead Taylor. Parachute coat.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Huh. Number one on the most useless inventions.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

That is a terrible, terrible invention.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

That's uh Big Yukes Bunch O stuff.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

There we go.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

That was very bad. I I just I kind of I wish I would have written down his name so that I mean if you just Google parachute coat, I probably I probably won't. No, but it's just funny to read the article watching this guy really wanted to.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I might do that on work time, just not my own time.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Oh, yeah definitely do while I'll get paid.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

Yeah, yeah, do it at work.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Yeah. Don't be crazy.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

What do we got coming up next? Of a a very popular segment, Three Things That Can Kick Rocks.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

I think this will become a popular thing. Done here is the uh Three Things That Can Kick Rocks. Which will be a a tube socks driven uh segment slash recurring theme. Cause I I mean like I said, I don't we've known each other for a few years now. I don't know everything.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Before we were identified by our people.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

Before the mysterious guy that I'm very certain Edgar knows, and I know you do.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

I know a bunch about him, but there's so much more to learn. And this segment I think will help all of us learn together about what what makes Stoop Socks over here tick.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

It's not a big segment, it's just simply three things, and that's why it's called Three Things That Can Kick Rocks. So this week in our inaugural episode, Three Things That Can Kick Rocks. The man-made underwear guys.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Don't disagree with you there.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

Pamphlets left on windshields?

SPEAKER_01 36:01

Uh yes, unless they're like a two-for-one entrance to no.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

And massages. Oh. There's my three things this week.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

I know you don't like uh, you know what? That makes sense, though. I don't really need an explanation there. I get it.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

Everything speaks, everything, everyone must hate those three things. I don't understand.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

Massages are very useful for some people. You just don't like people touching you.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

This is true, which is why massages can kick rocks. I mean, that's fair. Touch yourself all you want. Well, okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

Just don't touch me. Don't touch me. But you're going into it knowing you're going to be touched in a way that makes your body feel better. It works for the pamphlets too, on the two for one thing.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

I I will never know if it makes my body feel better because I won't let it go that far.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

You think Savage is getting a massage in Thailand right now?

SPEAKER_00 36:46

He's getting massages and more, and I don't want to talk about it because China's listening. And I don't want to be flagged for what Savage is doing in Thailand.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

That'll be maybe maybe we'll have to get him on to tell us some.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

I don't want that associated with us. That's just terrible stuff.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

Maybe maybe that'll be what we're saying after dark, season two.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Alright. Well, that's so that's it. That's my uh three things I can kick rocks. We'll see this every uh every week.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

For the most part, I can get on board with those uh with those. I mean the massage thing, kind of meh.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Uh which brings us to another uh new segment. I guess they're all new segments. Edgar's fun facts. So the guy behind the camera there, Edgar, who may or may not say No, don't you're not getting on camera.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Stop it. You stay behind the camera.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

God damn it. He insisted on having a bit, so we uh tasked him with coming up with uh a couple of fun facts, two or three each episode, which might spread uh, you know, some You love learning new stuff.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Right? Who doesn't learn, right?

SPEAKER_00 37:50

Who doesn't love learning?

SPEAKER_01 37:51

So And that's the whole thing here is and I when I walked in, he handed me this, and I thought it would have just been like, hey, youke, here's my uh here's my facts. But he did it. He walked past me, didn't even say hi, and he put it in my back pocket.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Back to the massages and touching. Edgar, did you want to uh read your facts?

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Screw that nonsense.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Okay. I mean I assume Hey, you you you could read them.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

I assumed he didn't want to when he gave me this in my back pocket.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

That's fine. You can read them.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Okay. That's I mean, I haven't read these yet. Fun facts. Fun fact, number one. Most doors open by turning the handle, not by pushing on the middle part. Experts say this has been true for some time. Okay, let's try again. Uh number two here. Do not enter signs are traditionally placed in areas that you are not supposed to go into.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Okay, so Edgar's not very smart, and he I mean, I don't really find that one fun, Edgar. But it's not a fun fact.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

I don't even know if I really call that a fact.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

It's just the way things are.

SPEAKER_01 38:59

We're gonna have to talk about this. I'll give one more chance here. Do you finish big? I well, we'll see here. Fun fact number three by Edgar, the man behind the camera. If you leave a glass of water on the counter long enough, it'll eventually reach room temperature, regardless of how cold it was when you poured it. Yeah, Edgar, we're gonna have to talk after this.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

That's after the show here because that's not fun at all. I don't know. This might not be a recurring segment because Edgar doesn't seem to understand the assignment, but might not hear from him for a week.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

I mean, and then I guess not knowing much about Edgar, I don't know if I really had much expectation for him on that one.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

I'd like to reiterate that we did not uh we didn't know Edgar, we didn't befriend Edgar. He was uh I don't know if he was bestowed upon us, but we were kind of crammed together.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

These benefactors that dropped off the pinata full of money, I think know him somehow.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

I think Edgar's a fraud. Oh. I'll say that three times, Edgar.

SPEAKER_03 39:53

You try coming up with stuff each week.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

Where are we going next here? Well, I think after that nonsense. Let's just close things up here. We should probably just uh get on with it. Get to business. Okay, well, I would like to say uh again with our inaugural show here. First episode. First episode, huzzah. We did it. Like, comment, subscribe. You can comment below. I don't know. I think you let us know if it sucked.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Let us know if it wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Please subscribe because uh that matters on the internet? It really does. Uh drop us a line. You know, we've uh if you've got any business inquiries, you want to join the typewriter shop or the uh Hungry Prospect or Dining Lounge. Uh we do have an email address which is on screen there. Biguk.tubesucks at gmail.com. All your correspondence can go there. Positive, negative, looking to give us more bags of money to uh mention your product or you're maybe a fun fact for Edgar to give to us next episode. Right? How do you think the show went today? Given our first one.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

Well, I mean, I think it is obvious that it was the first one. Painfully obviously stuff. Uh, but I mean, and I th I think it went well.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

I hope you guys like to listen.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

That's ideal.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

And if you do Ideally, and maybe you'd like to listen to the second or third time. You'd like to close up with a uh talk about what are we what what do you listen to on the drive home today as we're leaving the Blunderworks studios?

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Youke, are you uh uh I'll probably just throw on some Madonna or something today.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Really get into my feels on the drive home.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Okay, okay. You? I'm uh well if you look in the uh bio, our YouTube bio, there is a link to my Spotify account. And uh I always listen to stuff from that on the drive home from Blunderworks Studios. Uh and actually anywhere I go, I will be listening to a playlist called The Coolest Playlist in the World. So I don't know who wouldn't want to get in on that. If you don't like cool stuff, then stay away from it. But if you like listening to something cool, please check out the coolest playlist in the world. So please tune in next week, guys. We will have another show. Uh at least one more. Currently, we are uh obviously this show is on YouTube. Within the next few weeks, we will be rolling out audio versions onto the uh the usual platforms where everyone can.

SPEAKER_01 42:19

I think we're gonna have to work on our sign-offs.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

Yes. For one. But uh, yeah, I'm Big Yuke. And I'm TubeSocks reminding you to have your pet spade or neutered.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Ah, there we go.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

There it is.

SPEAKER_01 42:32

And this was what were we saying with uh Big Yuke TubeSocks.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

And we'll be back next week. Play us out Harold Winthrop.