Friendship

In this episode of Life and How to Live It, I explore the importance of friendship, connection, and the role meaningful relationships play in living a fulfilling life. Joined by my co-host, Pete Logedis, I reflect on our 50-year friendship and how deep connections can support our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.

Throughout the conversation, I share research showing that close friendships are strongly linked to greater life satisfaction and lower rates of depression, while loneliness and weak social ties can negatively affect overall health. 

Pete and I also reflect on our own experiences and talk about how friendships evolve over time, the importance of being intentional about staying connected, and why even a simple text, phone call, or casual conversation can make a real difference.

I also highlight that friendship does not always look the same. Some friendships last a lifetime, while others are formed through shared interests, routines, work, or community spaces. 

In the end, this episode is a reminder that we all need people in our lives—people who help us feel seen, supported, and connected.

Key Takeaways:

• I believe friendship is deeply connected to emotional and physical well-being
• Meaningful friendships require intention, especially as life gets busier
• Not every friendship has to be a “best friend” relationship to still be valuable
• Even casual social connections can positively impact our well-being
• A simple call or text may mean more than we realize

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Life in How to Live.

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Do you sometimes feel like life is passing you by? How would you like to get more out of life? We explore all things life on this podcast. Welcome to Life and How to Live It podcast with Dr. Rocco.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Life in How to Live It. Oh yeah. Dream, create, connect.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Welcome to another episode of the Life and How to Live It podcast with me, Dr. Rocco. I am joined today by my co-host, Pete Logites. Hey Pete, how are you doing today? Rock, it is great to see you. I am doing awesome. Great to have you, Pete. We have a great topic for today's show, very near and dear to our hearts, and that topic is friendship. Pete and I have been friends for about 50 years. Does that sound right? You are right on. Yeah, 50 years going. 50 years. Sure is. We thought this would be an interesting topic to talk about, timely. You know, we hear a lot these days about people struggling with loneliness and social isolation. And we thought it might be something to just put out there for people to listen to, think about, maybe we have a few suggestions. But before getting into the conversation, I want to go over a couple of things I found as I was preparing for today's episode. Uh, I found a study in the American Journal of Psychiatry from 2020, which said that people who have friends and close confidants are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression. So it makes sense, right? Very much so. Absolutely. Yeah, you have someone to talk to.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

Yes.

unknown 1:52

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Bounce ideas off of, you know. Oh my God. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Yeah. I agree. And and so another thing I I found was uh meta-analysis, which is basically this um taking of many different studies and bringing them together and doing statistical analysis to uh come up with conclusions you might not have been able to find if there was a study with, say, like 10 people in it or something. So the meta-analysis showed that people that have weak social ties can be that can be as detrimental to your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. What?

SPEAKER_03 2:33

A pack of cigarettes a day.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Yeah, that's what they found. So incredible. So we see issues here, not just with sense of well-being, mental health, but also physical health. That's amazing. Yeah. So, you know, one other piece of research that I ran across was this survey in the uh from the Pew Research Center. The Pew Research Center uh did a survey of uh American adults and found that 61% of them uh said that having close friends uh is either extremely or very important to living a fulfilling life. So 61%. So people recognize the value of friendship.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

That's a good number, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Yeah, yeah. And and what I thought was kind of funny was that the same people who were surveyed said 23% of them said the same thing about marriage. Yeah. So wow. Yeah, that's about three times as many who think that friendship is really important, marriage, not so much.

unknown 3:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

A third. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Yeah. And, you know, also interesting, 26% of these folks said the same thing about having children. Oh, you know, so not that didn't come in even much stronger than marriage. And then the thing that surprised me in this very kind of materialistic time we're living in is that only 24% said that having a lot of money is either extremely or very important to living a fulfilling life.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

See, that surprises me. I mean, the others are surprising, but nowadays, money being that low and friendship being that high, that really surprises me.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yeah, it does. It's uh it surprises me too, and it's um it it it really speaks to the importance of this topic and this feeling that people know that friendship is important, but at the same time, you hear people saying we're in a uh a recession of friendship or a social recession.

SPEAKER_04 4:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Um so so that that that's a little bit of research I came across. And and so I think it might be interesting uh for the folks out there to hear something about our friendship. So when when did we meet? What grade was it, Rock? Was it fifth grade? It was fifth grade. It was fifth grade. Yeah, I had uh my family moved to a new school district, uh, and so I came I came to your school. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

I was ten years old at the time. You were ten years old. And I remember, I honestly, I remember clearly. I I mean, and you know, you can go back in your in your mind and and little things that happened. And I remember meeting you. I remember, like I said, in our our our first um meeting on our podcast was baseball really put us together, you know, and and and you know, being New York sport fans, those really put us together. That's I mean, honestly, when we were 10, 12, whatever, what else did we have? We just loved sports. Me and you could talk forever about it, and we did, you know, but I do remember those initial meetings.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

We did and we still do, you know. So we still sports and the love of sports is still a big part of our friendship, and it really is. I would like to to to make uh a shout-out to uh the third of our trio who is not on the podcast, but our friend Tim, who was part of that whole scene, you know, we've all been friends. Well, you've you and Tim have been friends even longer. How long have you been friends? Kindergarten. Kindergarten. Kindergarten.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

And I again I distinctly remember meeting Tim, you know, and and it was I don't know. I it's just so funny that for you know, me and Tim, me and you, that I could remember us getting together and being friends this many years ago. I mean, I think you should have told us at that point that this is a lasting friendship we have right here with the three of us.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Yeah, yeah. And and and that's something that I, you know, I think we should talk about. It's like, how is it that the three of us who met in kindergarten or fifth grade or whatever are still friends now that we're 60 and 61 years old? Like, you know, clearly, you know, we don't live in the same place we lived in when we first met. Uh we've got different lives, etc. So how do you what do you think is the secret? Like, what did we do?

SPEAKER_03 7:24

And you know what? I uh when we said we were gonna talk about friendship, you know, and I thought, oh, this is an easy topic, you know, this is you know something we've done very well for decades. But uh, how did we do it so well? Just think about it. Different schools after high school, you moved you know, a few times, married kids, you name it, but we still always found time. And by time, I don't mean we got together. You know, we did that later in our lives, right now, I think, right? That we got we made it a conscious effort, but who could when you had a young, growing family and a growing career, you know, but we always found time for a phone call, for thank goodness texting came about, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah, I think that's texting, you know, I I often have negative things to say about the whole like technology, etc. But texting has been a wonderful way to stay keep keep in touch. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

And I I you know, maybe jump in, you know, ahead here, but one of my favorite things that we do with our friendship is watch games, you know, watch sporting events via text.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is with Tim too. So we have Tim. The group text, the three of us, or we'll we'll watch a baseball game, a football game, you know, you name it. And uh it's kinda it's it's in real time. It's in real time.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

It's it's almost like we're all together. You know, the the the the comments flow, the jokes flow, you know, the sarcasm. We do do that. Um flows readily, but then also our opinions on the game and and stuff like that. And and to me, I uh it's probably not unique, but to do it this long and to look forward to it, again, like you said with some of those numbers, you know, it's it's it's it's not there. Friendship you know, is is it it's almost like at times, and I'm guilty. I am guilty. I can't even say if I'm a good friend or not. Um but there are times I would say you're not. I right, exactly. No, a hundred percent. And especially if you listen to the first podcast and I said I like strangers better, I think we're in trouble. Um but what I mean is at some point you almost see it as a responsibility, like I have to squeeze it in, you know, and that's just the times that we live in right now, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Yeah, and I think excuse me. I think that's a really good point. I mean, I think that's the same with any relationship, you know. Yes, exactly. It's not always just simple, you know, with time commitments, you know, and I'm talking about even in your marriage, yes, you know, in relationships with your your grown children, you know, like you feel like you gotta you gotta squeeze it in, you gotta schedule things so that you can continue to keep that connection strong. Right.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

And who would who would have thought that with friendship that you would have to schedule it? But you really do, you know, and and at least I'm so thankful that we have put a premium on keeping that friendship, you know, and and and you know, I I wonder how yes, our experiences are different, um what we've gone through in the last fifty years are different, but there's always that same feeling when the three of us are together, the two of us are together, um, whether it be in person, which is always the best, or via text, you know. There are people's texts I get that I'll answer later in the day or the next day. But then when I get some from you or Tim, it's usually not of the serious nature, it's of hey, did you see so-and-so? And I'm right on that.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So so one of the things that I think would be interesting to talk about is um you and I have had very different lives in one in many ways, but in one way, you moved to Buffalo how many years ago? 41 years ago. 41 years ago, and you so you've been continuously living in this one place for all those years. And uh me, on the other hand, uh, in the time that you've lived in Buffalo, I've lived in, I guess we could say Baltimore, I've lived in New Hampshire, I've lived in Rhode Island, and I've lived in uh upstate New York. Right. And and so in for me, I've had to try to make new friends every place I go, whether they be work friends, whether they be, you know, people I meet through organizations that I belong to or or or whatnot. Uh on in your case, um have you had kind of the same friends for all these years, or how's that how does that flow?

SPEAKER_03 12:31

Well, that's a that's a great question and a great observation. Um I have had the same friends um for, you know, at least at least my um current employment roles, you know, like 30 years with this group, 30 years with this group, and it's a core group that we stay in touch. Uh again, not like the three of us. But you know, we have the same um everything going on at the same time here, whether it be weather, whether it be family, whether it be whatever, we're a community, right? So we are together on that. Um but one of the great things is and um maybe because where I work, you know, I I come into contact with so many new people all of the time. And what did I say with with new people, with strangers, they become a new story for me. So I come it's not the friendship that we have, but it's a different friendship. It's a it's a friendship of respect and and and wanting to learn more about people. So again, when we talk about friendship, it's not always the same path, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:44

To get there. And I think uh I think it's a really good point to talk about how differ there are different levels of friendship that people can have, you know. I think if people just think of it as like, you know, they have to be my best buddy, best friend, like do we do everything together, etc. I mean, that gets harder to do as you get older. A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Yeah. I have a I have a really good friend um who every two months we go to breakfast. That's it. You know, it he's not a texter, he's not one to get back to he might call me, I don't answer the phone because I'm usually either doing something or I just don't answer the phone. You know what I mean? But every two months we go to breakfast. It's like we never missed any time, and it is amazing. I've been friends with him for well over thirty years. So you're right, they're all different. As we get older, it's definitely you know, it it's more of a challenge, but like you said, there's different levels, there's different grades of friendship, and there's nothing, in my opinion, nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Yeah, yeah. I I know a lady who's friends with my wife and me, and our children all grew up together, and that's a that's a type of friendship that you know we we both understand is like the parents of your kids' friends, you know, that be that's like a treasure trove of friendship. Um, we are still very close friends with a whole group of people we met in New Hampshire where our children uh were going to school.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

And um our children, for the most part, are not friends anymore, but we are. The parents are still friends with each other. We keep in touch. Yeah, yeah. And and these are some of the closest friends that I have outside of you and Tim. And so we were uh uh my wife and I, uh Susan and I were talking with one of these uh women, and um we're saying, you know, it's like, oh, we just moved to a new place, it's kind of hard, you know, to meet new friends and start over again and again. And she said, you know, maybe you're just never gonna have that kind of friend like we are, you know, where kids grew up, we have so much history, but you all you need are some check off the box friends. So like check off the box. It's like the person who you have uh coffee or breakfast with you once a month, or you know, someone that you talk sports with, or someone that you are part of, like um, I don't know, church group or some other community organization. Check off the box friends are good friends to have.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

They really are, and you can have uh any number of them. There's no limit, you know. It's it's whatever you you enjoy and want to do with these people, that's tremendous. That fills your cup, you know. You don't one person, we were lucky. We had three of us who you know we had all of our very similar likes and dislikes and everything. So it was great when we were together. And if you remember, in our youth, we spent every waking moment together.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Either playing tennis, watching sports, ping pong, going, going out at night, you know, etc. There was a lot. We a lot. I can't imagine spending that much time with you and still enjoying it, frankly. No, I I think we've seen that.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

I believe what is our our limit now almost two days. I think that is our limit.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

That's about it. So uh one of the things that that you mentioned uh a little bit earlier, I I did come across another study that was interesting. And it's and so it's not exactly friends, but it's it's a study that says that there is real benefits in a sense of well-being even from weak ties, like acquaintances that you see once in a while, people that you run into regularly, like a barista, a shopkeeper, a cashier, something like that. I think you are the master of this kind of relationship. And that's and it really there's studies that show there's well-being that that you get from doing that. Say say more something about that. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

And and you know, I I've told you that that I I get so much energy from people I do not know. Or if I do know them, it's like like you said, in an ancillary way of just, you know, every other day I see them for this. Hey, you know, like when I'm taking a a shuttle or something like that, I'd be like, So the my my issue now though is remembering people's names because I'm I'm everyone knows who I am, but it's it's um I don't remember everyone. But it really I can't uh get through my day, honestly, Rock. I can't get through my day without interacting with a number of different people. Um and it just makes me feel so whole, it makes me feel so energized when it's somebody, you know, delivers the mail, you know, and and I'm talking to them. And it just I I'm hoping they're getting something out of it also, but it really is what keeps me going.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Yeah, and I'm sure they are getting something out of it. I mean, this the studies do show that this is there is some benefit to this. Um, it's a benefit that we get as individuals, you know, because you know, humans are you know, we're social creatures, we need that human contact. Even though those of us who are introverted, you know, still benefit from some human contact, you know. But I think it also helps society, you know, when people are all just kind of just saying, hey, how's it going? You know, we should bring back small talk, you know. It's like just I agree.

SPEAKER_03 19:37

No, that's great. You know, and and you know when I I I think about it is like, so you know, I I I go to work and then how many nights a week I have a part-time job after that, you know, and and you're normally you'd be exhausted and tired and stuff like that. I get re-energized because whatever I'm doing afterwards, my job is just meeting with people. It could be hundreds at a time. I could see them once a week, I could see them once a month, I could never have seen them before. But everyone I see them as a friend, as a new conversation of the day. I'll remember from I spoke to you last week. What did we talk about in the split second that I'm seeing someone? But I get so much out of that that it doesn't matter if it's the 12th, 14th hour of the day. That's my energy. That's what I need.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Yeah, I love that. I love that. I, you know, I'm not quite the master that you are at this, but you're pretty good. I try to practice it too, you know. Trying to come to the Life Fantasy podcast with me, Dr. Rocco. And just I'm joined by a very good friend of mine, uh James Bowery.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

You always have. You always have a day we were regularly.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

We're going to be talking about brain health food. Now, Jim and I met in 1998 when I was the medical director of a rehab unit. In Manchester, New Hampshire.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

You you came to the what I always loved about all three of us is, and maybe I don't see it all the time now, is you look straight at people and start talking to them. You know, it's not a you know, a passing glance, it's not a you know, it's you stop, you look at them, you talk to them, and you engage. And you know, it's it that's what's really great about you know you know, our conversations, our friendships. That's what I think we love, I know I do, I think you do too, um going to New York City, you know, and being in the city, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

So much going on.

SPEAKER_03 21:38

Oh my gosh, and so many different people.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

And you would think that, you know, people are not supposed to talk to strangers in New York, right?

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

We do it all the time.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

All the time, all the time. How many times in Central Park or whatever, you know, or just like and we're continuing conversations with people. It's like, yeah, and we love it. It is.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

You know. Well said. Well said. Hey, I wanted to, you know, for the listeners out there, you know, do we have any suggestions, you know, like on making friends, on keeping friends, you know, what's the way to like keep this going for people?

SPEAKER_03 22:17

You know, and and that's a great question. I can't wait to hear your um advice on that. I think it's one of those things where too often, you know, people are down on I'm not a big social media person myself, right? But there are a lot of people who get their affirmation or their their connection through people you know that they talk to online or liked a photo or or something like that. And and I think it's just important for yourself to just feel like you know, uh there are people out there, there are friends out there. It's tougher nowadays. It really is tough nowadays. What even you said, how many of those things that the opportunities people had to get together are just not there anymore. You know, they're just not there. So what does work for you, you know, and it could be seven different things that work for you to meet people to talk to people, but what makes you happy is is what's important.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Yeah, and I, you know, you touched on that uh, you know, I I think it's a little outside the scope of our conversation today, but this, you know, what are the generational differences here, you know? Like we're both like people who are on that um the cusp there between baby boomers and gen X. You know, I officially am a Gen X and you're a week.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

No, I made it by a week.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

You made it by a week. Okay, yeah. Well, thank you. I'm happy that you're you're in my club here, the Gen X Club. But you know, but you're right. There are people that you know, the millennials, the Gen Z, the Gen Alphas, you know, they are facing a totally different world. And um, I'd love to maybe have this conversation with with some of them sometime. Oh, that's a great idea. About friendship and you know, how do you get out there and meet people? Right. Uh, but what you know, what I would say is uh first of all, if you have friends, you gotta you gotta cultivate that. You know, you have to you have to make time, as we were saying earlier, to keep that those connections alive. Right. Um it could be just texting, it could be a phone call once in a while. Like what you and Tim and I did is instituted uh a once-a-year meeting where we get together for no more than two days because we would not be able to stand it, but where we get together in a particular city and the whole thing revolves around going to a baseball game. So we go to a game once a year and and just have that, just it's us, not our wives, not our kids.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

It's rekindling the friendship, but we're also in touch very frequently, whether it be phone or texting or whatever. So and we're even seeing each other more often now, too. We yeah, now that we're getting older, kid kids are not at home, it's it's different. Yep. But so you know, there are other friends that you may have had like they were very close with, say, yeah, you know, in college or early jobs or something. You know, you can always try to rekindle those, you know. I don't know. I mean, I've done it with a couple of people and it's it's worked, it's worked. I mean, it's not it never feels the same because so much has changed, you know. But um but it it does feel good to, you know, it's like sometimes you have a person you like lived in a college dorm with and you were so close, you just spend every minute together, right? Right, and and then you don't talk to them for you know, whatever, 30 years. So it's like it feels good to reconnect. Absolutely. Um great point. Making new friends is a little bit uh more challenging as you get older. You're always gonna have the opportunity to make friends at work. Right. Um I uh believe that it's important for us to get involved in our local communities, uh, and and that's a place where you can meet people. You can you know volunteer at the local like you know, shelter or uh soup kitchen or you know, your church, your you know, I'm a member of uh a local board for uh an organization. You know, I've made I've made a lot of friends through that, you know. So getting out there and being engaged, um, if you have a hobby, like I have a I have a a good friend who moved to Baltimore and um he didn't know anybody in Baltimore, but he lives very close to the pickleball courts and he just goes and plays every day. Now he's got a whole bunch of pickleball friends. So it could be something like a sport or a a club, a game you like to, you know, who knows what it is. How about you? Any other thoughts that I didn't really hit on there?

SPEAKER_03 27:08

No, I I think you really uh it you really brought it home. You know, it's it's it's not easy. It is up to us to make that effort. Um, but also be really happy with the good friends that you have made. Um I think we saw that, you know, during during a tough time, you know, when everyone was home and all that. But people reconnected, you know, in in in different ways. And I always made a point to continue that. You know, for someone who, like you said, you know, I haven't not seen in five, seven, eight years. But we have so much history together. Not just a one-time text or call, how's the family, blah, blah, blah. But repeat it, do it again. You know, pick up the phone. I always say that. Pick up the phone and just see how people are doing. You have no idea if that call or that text came at the exact right time that was needed. You know, and very good point. Very good point. So simple to do, but so meaningful. We can all do that.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Yeah, that's that is uh a great kind of closing point. You know, it's like we all we all need people.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

We do.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

We all need to feel seen at that feel seen, feel connected. Um I found uh uh a couple of quotes that I thought were interesting, and I want to close the show with that. Um my quote is from Aristotle, and it said, friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. I think that's beautiful. I think you know, we would uh in our modern time we might think of that as like uh romantic love, you know, a single soul in two bodies. But you know, I love that idea about uh that feeling that close to a close friend. Right. Yeah. Very well. How about you? Do you have a quote there or um no? No, okay, well You know what?

SPEAKER_03 29:23

I I I I don't have a quote in front of me. Um but you know, you know myself and and and I know you're similar. But there people are not gonna remember, you know, me for what I did, what I made, anything like that. You know what? But my friends will always remember the times we shared, the families we brought up, the good times, the bad times. Who's the first person you call when you're having a rough patch? It's your friend, it's your close friend. You have something to celebrate, who's the first person you call? Your close friend. But there's a reason why they are your close friend. It doesn't have to be decades and decades of history, it's just a feeling that you have anytime you connect with them. Nothing more powerful than that.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

That is beautiful. Very well put, very true. I do have one more quote, and then we'll close the program. So, this quote, I think you'll appreciate, is from Ralph Waldo Emerson. It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. I think that's a great way to close out the show because we have been stupid together many, many times and too many times and laughed our heads off about it. So we're still here. Yeah. So all right. Well, thanks for that great conversation, Pete. And thank you all for listening to the Life and How to Live It podcast today. Until next time, so long. That's all for today's show. Thanks for listening to the Life and How to Live It podcast with Dr. Rocco. If you enjoyed today's show, please subscribe and leave a review. See my show notes to find out more about the show. And remember, life is not a dress rehearsal. Until next time.