July Hatrack Submissions

In this deeply reflective episode, Hannah addresses listener Hatrack submissions centered on July’s theme: Alignment. From recovering after years of caretaking to distinguishing between comfort and true alignment, Hannah breaks down what it means to stop abandoning yourself and start making choices that genuinely serve you.

Key Takeaways & Questions Addressed

1. Rediscovering Who You Are After Years of Caretaking

• Submitted by: Carissa
• The Question: "I’ve spent so much of my life taking care of everyone else that I don’t even know what I like anymore or who I am. Where do I start?"
• Hannah’s Insights:
  • Start with curiosity, not pressure. 
  • Pay attention to what gives you fuel and energy versus what is just an escape or avoidance.
  • Pay attention to your body’s cues
  • Start small: Make one decision a day based solely on your own preference 
• "The goal isn't to stop caring for people; it's to stop disappearing while you're doing it."

2. Alignment vs. Comfort

• Submitted by: James
• The Question: "How do I know if I'm finally in alignment or if I'm just comfortable?"
• Hannah’s Insights:
  • Alignment is not always easy or comfortable; making an aligned choice often requires significant courage
  • Comfort asks: "How do I avoid discomfort?" Alignment asks: "What is true for me, even if it's uncomfortable?"
  • Differentiate between peace and avoidance, as well as how your nervous system responds to baseline chaos vs. genuine calm.

3. Why We Repeat Unhelpful Patterns

• Submitted by: Anonymous 
• The Question: "Why do I keep returning to the same patterns even when I know better or know what is better aligned?"
• Hannah’s Insights:
  • Awareness does not equal immediate change.
  • Approach old habits with compassion instead of shame
  • Growth isn't about perfection or never falling back into old habits; it’s about noticing sooner and returning to yourself faster.

4. Feeling "Fine" vs. Living in Alignment

• Submitted by: Haley
• The Question: "I don't feel unhappy, but I don't feel like myself either. Is that what being out of alignment feels like?"
• Hannah’s Insights:
  • Alignment isn't measured by happiness alone—it's measured by connection.
  • Feeling disconnected often comes from operating on autopilot or functioning in survival mode because it feels familiar.
  • You don't have to wait until you are in crisis or completely miserable to make a change.

5. Bridging the Gap Between Clarity and Courage

• Submitted by: Chris
• The Question: "What if I know what I need to do, but I don't feel brave enough to do it?"
• Hannah’s Insights:
  • Knowing what to do and feeling ready are two separate things
  • Courage isn't the absence of fear—it's moving through fear while staying connected to yourself.
  • Don't wait for confidence to appear before taking action; confidence is built after you take the step.

Join the Conversation

Submit Your Story: Did you try one of Hannah’s reflective prompts and have an "aha" moment about an old pattern? Did you make a small, aligned choice that took serious courage? Head over to the podcast section of our website to share your experience through our Hat Rack Submission Form—your story might be featured on the next Q&A episode!

Join the Community: Head over to our Facebook Community space to connect with fellow "hat-wearers." Share your alignment experiments, exchange tips on breaking people-pleasing habits, and find support among a community learning to stop disappearing while caring for everyone else.

Connect on Social: Send Hannah a DM on Instagram with your favorite takeaway from this month's alignment series, or join our Reclaiming You Challenge this week! Tag us in a photo of a small choice, habit, or cozy space you’ve claimed purely for your fuel—not anyone else's.

Follow along!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Do you ever feel like you're juggling a million versions of yourself and still dropping the ball? Like you're switching hats all day. Professional, partner, girl, friend. And no one really sees what it takes to just be you? Yeah, me too. Welcome to Hat Rack with Hannah. I'm Hannah, therapist, entrepreneur, author, podcast host, and also a mom, partner, daughter, friend. Basically, a professional hat wearer. I created this space where you don't have to minimize what you're carrying or rush past it. Because the truth is, you can have big dreams and feel overwhelmed by the role it takes to hold them. Both get to exist. Here we slow it down, call it what it is, take some hats off, and figure out what actually belongs in your rack. So take a deep breath. You can set something down here, and let's get into it. Hello, Hat Rack with Hannah listeners. Happy July. I am so excited to do our Hat Rack questions for the month. They have been really reflective. And I can tell y'all are really into this month's theme. I've been floored, honestly, with the response from this month. I keep getting texts and DMs about how this is really connecting for a lot of people. And there's been a lot of gratitude, and it's just it's filling my entire soul. So thank you so much. Oof, getting emotional. Thank you so much for the feedback. I'm very grateful and I'm really happy that this topic is hitting home for a lot of you. So with that, let's get into our hat rack submissions. We've had a lot of really good ones, and I had to pare it down, I'm not gonna lie, but I think they're very reflective of the month, and they're a little bit more challenging. I guess I could say they're challenging and questions I feel other listeners may be asking themselves. So I really wanted to make sure to tackle them. So our first question is from Carissa in Florida. Hey Carissa, thanks for submitting. And her question is I've spent so much of my life taking care of everyone else that I don't even know what I like anymore or who I am. Where do I start? Yep. I hear this all the time, every single day in my clinical work, but also amongst my humans. Who the hell are we when we're not caring for everybody else? And what the how do we even find this and what does this mean? So I have a few thoughts here. And I'm gonna try and make it as succinct and boiled down as possible because I could pop off on this one for an entire episode. But the first thing I would start with is with curiosity and not pressure, right? So many people come to this realization and immediately think, I need to figure myself out. But sometimes the first step isn't finding yourself, as we've kind of talked about through alignment. It's we're not finding ourselves, we're really finding where we've abandoned ourselves. And so it's creating enough space to hear yourself again in order to evaluate that. When you've spent years being attuned to everyone else's needs, preferences, emotions, and expectations, it makes sense that your own voice may feel quieter, but this isn't about becoming someone new. It's about reconnecting with the parts of you that are there, and we just need to rediscover. So start asking yourself small questions like this. What did I enjoy before I learned what I should enjoy? What activities make me lose track of time because I'm so in them and able to be present and they feel so good? What brings me energy instead of just providing an escape? This is a really hard one. Oftentimes, when we're given a moment to breathe from caretaking responsibilities or caring for so many other people or holding so many other people's emotions, we don't even realize that what we're doing with our own time is to escape those pressures versus giving you life and fuel. So really take a minute to be like, what fuels me versus just is avoidance or just giving me escape? Both are important. I want to name that. Avoidance can be a maladaptive coping skill, but it is also a survival skill. Naming that. What am I naturally curious about? So when you're, and this can be in the like avoidance or providing an escape realm, but when you're flipping through Instagram or scrolling TikTok or whatever you do, what are you seeing? You're like, ooh, I want to learn more. For example, my algorithm is totally knows that we're in alignment this month and keeps showing me new moon rituals. And so at the end of last month, I did a new moon ritual with my mom. We've never done that. Individually worked together, and it was just everything I needed, and I think everything she needed, and felt so, so good. We also never have the time and the space to do things like that together. So the fact that we had that, we're together on a full moon, had steps for a ritual was wild. But I was so curious about it, and it felt so good. And one of my best witchy friends helped us with steps and we just did it. And it was just very natural. Came up on my feed, talked to one of my richy humans, and had the space and it all aligned. So get curious about things that just grab your attention and see if they align with you. What do I find myself drawn to? What makes me feel more like me? So when you are doing things and it feels really good, or you feel like that's my zone of genius, write it down. Because oftentimes when we're doing things that we're like in our flow, and I'm not talking about caregiver flow, like we're just going through the motions to get the job done. Talking about like when you have a really good connection with a friend and y'all are just kikiing back and forth and you're like talking about something you don't normally talk about, you're like, this feels good, write it down. Make a list of what makes you feel more like you. Because oftentimes that's also sidebar, but a really good way to evaluate your relationships. If you meet with someone for coffee and it's completely draining and you're giving more than you're receiving, that's important to know. But if you meet with someone and it's fueling and you're just going back and forth, oh, there's a difference. So Carissa, start by asking yourselves those questions and starting with that evaluation process in order to start finding yourself again. And when you're asking those questions, I want you to also pay attention to your body. Your body often knows before your brain can explain it. So notice what feels expansive, energizing, calming, and grounding. Make note of it. And then notice what also consistently leaves you feeling depleted, resentful, or disconnected. That can be a hard one, especially in caregiving, because there are not always fun parts to caregiving, but there are parts of caregiving that fill your soul. So sometimes it's just balancing or aligning with I'm gonna do more of those things in my day, than the things that completely deplete you. So know that it's never gonna be like I could, I'm only gonna do those things, but we can find more balance there. And then alignment starts with noticing. So notice what feels like a yes and what feels like a no. Sometimes lists can help with that, but also just like you're doing some, let's picture you're doing something, stop and take a second. Does this feel good to my body? Or does this feel horrible? Take the second. With this evaluation process and asking yourself these things and noticing things in your body, I want you to also to give yourself permission to experiment. All of this is an experiment. So you don't have to find your passions overnight or try things without needing them to become a part of your identity. Give yourself permission to experiment. This is all an experimental process. We want to try new things and see if they feel good to us or not. We want to evaluate what we are currently doing and see if that's fuel or if we flare out with it. So try things without needing them to become a part of your identity. Go take a class, listen to music you forgot you loved, go somewhere new, create something, spend time alone without feeling the silence. Sometimes we rediscover ourselves and figure out where we've abandoned ourselves through action, not just reflection. So do some active things to experiment. Another part of this in order to come into yourself is reflect on where you've abandoned yourself. So where have you been saying yes when you need to say no? Where have you been making choices based on what others need from you? What parts of yourself have you put on a shelf because they didn't fit the season you were in? And what hats have you been wearing for so long that you forgot you could take them off? So part of your evaluation process. Another piece of this, which have to bring up, is when you're doing all of this and you're experimenting and you're trying to figure out what fuels you and what feels good and where you do align, this is us re-establishing trust with ourselves. So when you've spent years prioritizing everyone else, you may stop trusting your own wants and desires and decisions. We gaslight ourselves. So start small. Make one decision a day based solely on what feels right for you. Let yourself have preferences again. Like when someone asks, What are we doing for dinner? Age-old question. Maybe speak up instead of, oh, I know my kids want this, my partner wants this, my other partner wants this, and navigating that. No, I want Italian tonight. This is what we're doing. I'm making pasta, for example. These can also be smaller things than just ordering dinner with your humans. It could be like ordering your favorite coffee or the music you listen to or the clothes you wear, or how you spend your free time, small choices. Try and make one a day based on how you feel and what feels good to you. When we're going through this process, I really want you to also remember you're not selfish for wanting to know yourself. That is a societal learned behavior in order to keep people in the systemic roles that we need them to serve. You are not selfish for serving yourself first. And oftentimes, when you do serve yourself first, you're serving others from a better space. Really notice that when you're fueled, how you can serve others better, right? Great example is parenthood. When I'm fueled, I have way more capacity for my daughter and her toddler tantrums, right? I sit there and I'll empathize and I can be more comforting and loving and have more to give. But when I am on 0% and there's a tantrum, I hate how I parent. So take the minute to fuel yourself and remember it's not selfish. People who love you don't just need what you provide, they want you. We don't choose the people in our life just for the things they provide, or we shouldn't. They actually want you for who you are. So if you stop prioritizing you, how are you serving anyone really? When it comes to parenthood, I also want to reflect on that piece. If you're not modeling to put yourself first, how do they learn to do that? Or are they just going to grow up learning to serve everyone else too? It's that important. And it's not selfish. Your worth is not only found in what you do for others. The goal isn't to stop caring for people, it's to stop disappearing while you're doing it. So sit with this question before I became who everyone else needed me to be, who was I? And what parts of that person are still waiting for me to come back? Carissa, thank you so much for asking that question. I know that was a little bit more in-depth than I was planning on, but it's such an important piece because when we realize that we're just in the motions and not even knowing who we are anymore, we do need to really take a step back and evaluate. And so this is the start to a really big evaluation process for you. I'm really excited. Please fill me in and keep me in the loop and provide your updates. I'd be really excited to hear how this is hitting for you and happy to feature how it hits for you in the pod. Okay. Next question is from James in New Jersey. This question is: how do I know if I'm finally in alignment or I'm just comfortable? Interesting. I think this is such an important question because alignment is often confused with comfort. And the truth is they can feel very similar, but they're absolutely not the same. Alignment is not always comfortable. One of the biggest misconceptions about alignment is that once you find it, everything feels easy. But sometimes the most aligned choices are the ones that require the most courage. Setting a boundary, for example, can be aligned and still feel very uncomfortable. Leaving something that no longer fits can be aligned and still come with grief. Choosing yourself can be aligned and still bring guilt or fear. How we were just talking about, right? When you are putting yourself first and then you're feeling like you're neglecting other responsibilities and your society deems you selfish, right? Alignment isn't the absence of discomfort. It's the ability to move through discomfort while staying connected to yourself. Comfort often keeps us where we are. Alignment helps us grow. So comfort asks, like, how do I avoid discomfort? Alignment asks, what is true for me, even if it's uncomfortable. Comfort can sometimes be staying in familiar patterns because they feel safe, even when they no longer serve us. A great example of that is relationships. Just because a relationship's comfortable because we know what to expect from one another, and we're in a pattern, sometimes an abusive pattern, right? Doesn't mean that's the best decision to stay there. We often have to evaluate if this is going to help us grow or if we're just in this because we know what we could expect. And that's not fair to the relationship or to you as a person. Alignment may ask us to step into something unfamiliar because we know it honors who we are becoming, leaving a relationship, right? So, James, a few questions I want you to ask yourself in order to evaluate this is does this choice feel peaceful or does it feel familiar? Am I staying because it feels right or because I'm afraid of what happens next? And when I say, am I staying because it feels right? I also want you to ask, am I staying because it feels right to me or to others or whose expectation is right? Is this supporting who I'm becoming or protecting who I used to be? Am I choosing this because it aligns with my values or because it keeps me from being uncomfortable? Most importantly, if nobody had an opinion about this choice, would I still choose it? I love that question. And does this version of my life feel like mine? So when we're evaluating comfort versus alignment, those are really important questions to ask. And I want you to pay attention to the difference between peace and avoidance. So, like I said earlier, avoidance is a maladaptive coping skill, but it is a coping skill. And when we're in survival mode, that does come up a lot. So if it's coming up, I want you to evaluate if it's a coping skill or and if that's maladaptive or adaptive for you. But it brings a deep alignment brings a deeper sense of peace, even when things are hard and comfort can be temporary relief, but sometimes underneath it is resentment and restlessness or even feeling something's missing. So avoidance says, I don't want to feel this, but alignment says I can feel this and still choose what is right for me. It's a very small difference, but it's so pivotal. So pay attention to those differences in peace and avoidance in reflecting on if it's comfort or alignment. And then also notice your nervous system cues. So we can mistake alignment because chaos has been our normal. I educate clients on this all the time, right? Like when we have a hyper-aroused nervous system, which means we're always zooming because we've had to survive most of our life. If we stop and have silence or we don't have constant chaos, we'll create it because that's our baseline for regulation. But that does not mean that is healthy or that is something that will serve you longer term. So let's realize that we can often mistake those things and figure out how to be on a baseline that's actually healthy for you. We can also sometimes mistake anxiety for being out of alignment because growth feels unfamiliar. Just because we're anxious about a change doesn't make it unaligned. So evaluating where your anxiety is at and where it's coming from change is hard and can bring anxiety, but there's a difference in feeling, I know this is right and this is what I need to do. So I'm going to do it, versus I'm forcing something and I'm really anxious and I know I shouldn't be doing this. Huge difference. And when it comes to your nervous system, also evaluating does this feel comfortable or does this feel congruent with who I am? We always want to feel congruent with who we are. I think alignment often feels like coming home to yourself while also identifying the pieces we've abandoned. So if it feels like you don't have to perform as much and you don't have to constantly explain or justify your choices and you feel more connected to your values, you may still have hard days, doubts, and fears, but you aren't abandoning yourself to get through them. Something I've learned is that sometimes the most comfortable place is actually the place where we've learned to survive. And alignment is the place where we learn to live. So I want to invite you to also reflect on am I staying here because this is where I feel most like myself, or because this is where I feel least afraid. Thank you so much, James, for asking that question. I really appreciate it. And I think it is something that's really hard to identify the differences between alignment and comfort. And so I hope that gives you a better picture of comfortable doesn't mean alignment and how we can lean more into alignment. Our next question is from Ontario, Canada, and is anonymous. Thank you, anonymous, for submitting your question. The question is: why do I keep returning to the same patterns even when I know better or I know what is better aligned? Love this question. I think this one is one of the most human questions we can ask ourselves because awareness does not always immediately create change. And knowing something and embodying something are two very different things. So knowing better doesn't always mean we have learned a new way of being. A pattern can feel comfortable simply because we've known it for a long time. And sometimes that chaos feels safer than peace because chaos is what we've practiced navigating, like what we were talking about earlier. The unknown, even if it's a healthier option, can still feel threatening because it requires us to trust ourselves differently. A great example of this is an abusive relationship or a toxic relationship where it might feel comfortable because of the chaos that it produces. And that might be what we're used to from seeing in our parents, or what we might be used to because we don't know how to let somebody in or how to receive what others are giving us in ways that support and serve us. So we can be in things that we know aren't for us or aren't aligned, but we have to acknowledge the other pieces that keep us in those things. When we're acknowledging that a pattern may have once served a purpose, I want you to also evaluate and ask yourself, when did this pattern make sense for me and why? People pleasing may have helped you feel accepted, for example, or overworking may have helped you feel worthy, or avoiding conflict may have helped you feel safe. Controlling everything may have helped you manage uncertainty. I do that one all the time. But the goal isn't to shame the pattern, it's to understand why it showed up and decide if it still belongs in your life. A personal example, when I say controlling everything may have you or may have helped you manage uncertainty, I hate uncertainty. And control helps me ease my own anxieties. And so that's why when I'm in a space of immense stress or I'm anxious, I'll often go straight to ways I can control things. And when I see that, I literally have to stop, realize I've entered that pattern, and reflect on okay, what is stressing me out so much? Is it mine to hold or not? And how do I renavigate this that in a way that aligns with me versus my trauma response, which is to control things? It doesn't mean that response is wrong. It just doesn't mean that it is aligned with me either. It's part of my pattern. Sometimes we're trying to create change while still abandoning ourselves. And we can say we want boundaries, but then punish ourselves when someone is disappointed. We can say we want rest, but feel guilty when we slow down. We can say we want authenticity, but still seek permission from everyone else before choosing ourselves. That one's very common, right? Real change requires not just changing the behavior, but changing the relationship we have with ourselves. Grace. Right? One that listeners often always bring up, and that I think is really reflective here for you, Anonymous, is we can say we want boundaries, but then punish ourselves when someone is disappointed, not given much context. I could see that being something that fits here. If you're in a pattern and you know it doesn't serve you, do you feel the consequences of disappointing someone else are keeping you in this pattern? So instead of hurting someone else, we're gonna hurt ourselves instead. I've said this before, but I completely stand by it. We are way quicker to judge and hurt ourselves than we are to others because it's easier. I can be an asshole to myself all day. But if I have to turn that outward and be transparent with others, ooh, we can't do that. That's not okay, right? And so we immediately judge ourselves before giving ourselves the space to say what we need to say and also pivot what we need to say in a way that can be really impactful for others. Growth is not linear. Returning to an old pattern doesn't mean that you failed. It means there's another layer to understand. So we need to start the evaluation process when we realize we're in an old pattern or a toxic pattern, abusive pattern, unhealthy pattern, or even a pattern you just don't like and you want to change. Could be as simple as the gym routine, right? Hate going, doesn't love it. I want to find more joy in it. How do we redo it? Healing is not about never falling back into old habits. It's about noticing sooner and returning to yourself faster. The goal isn't perfection, it's increasing awareness and creating more space between the trigger and the response. So, anonymous, some more questions I would ask myself in order to break this pattern would be what feeling am I trying to avoid when I return to this pattern? What does this pattern give me in the short term? Because sometimes we stay in patterns because they're fun for the second, or they give you something that you need, but maybe it's just not long term. Next one is what does it cost me in the long term? Do I know it's paying off for me short term, but I know it's going to be detrimental long term? And can I accept those consequences? Okay. What am I afraid would happen if I changed this pattern? What part of me is still trying to feel safe by keeping the pattern? And what would choosing myself look like in this moment? Sometimes when we're evaluating patterns, they're not actually bad for us. We might just feel called to make a change, which is completely okay and fair and valid, but we can do this in a way that is aligned with ourselves. I think sometimes we focus so much on asking, why can't I stop doing this? When a more compassionate question is actually, what is this pattern trying to do for me? And finding understanding there. Because the goal isn't to fight the parts of ourselves that developed these patterns. The goal is to help those parts realize they don't have to carry the same role anymore. A reflection I'd like to leave you with, Anonymous, is the fact that you keep returning to the pattern doesn't mean you aren't growing. Sometimes growth looks like recognizing the pattern you used to call normal and realizing I don't want to live here anymore. The awareness and the realization is huge, but it doesn't change the behavior, but it has to come first. So when you realize the pattern that you want to change, ask yourselves these questions to evaluate and start to have behavioral shifts and take actions. Okay, we have two more questions. This one is from Haley from Pittsburgh. Thanks for submitting your question. Her question is: I don't feel unhappy, but I don't feel like myself either. Is that what being out of alignment feels like? Haley, thank you so much for your transparency and vulnerability. Being out of alignment doesn't always look like a crisis. Sometimes it looks like feeling disconnected from yourself or simply unhappy. We often think, well, no, we're out of alignment because everything falls apart, but more often it can show up really quiet. You're functioning, you're checking boxes, you're going through your day, and nothing is necessarily wrong, but something feels like it's missing. For me, alignment isn't measured by happiness, it's measured by connection. So questions I would ask are: do I feel connected to my values? Do I recognize myself in those choices I'm making? Am I living intentionally or am I just operating on autopilot? Am I making decisions because they feel true to me or because they're what I've always done? Those can really help narrow down the unhappy piece. Oftentimes when I evaluate this with humans in my life, we find that a lot of life we're living is on autopilot and not being present. And that creates a lot of unhappiness. So definitely evaluate if that is the case here and the questions that I just brought up. But sometimes what we're calling fine, which I hate that word, is actually familiarity. So we can become so accustomed to living in survival mode that it starts to feel normal. We adjust to caring too much and putting ourselves last. And we get really good at functioning while feeling disconnected because we feel we have to. And it's just because it's familiar doesn't mean it's aligned. And a lot of times it leads to feeling unhappy. I also think we have to ask ourselves if we're confusing comfort with connection. So comfort says nothing is changing, but alignment says, I feel like I'm living in a way that reflects who I am. Those aren't always the same thing. One of the first signs I notice when I'm drifting out of alignment is that I stop checking in with myself. So I'm making decisions without asking what I need. That's where we're saying yes when we mean no. I'm responding to everyone else's priorities before considering my own. My calendar is full, but I don't feel fulfilled. For example, I have Fridays that are supposed to be my day off. And let me tell you, every Friday I have is fully booked. And they might be appointments for myself, yes, but where does that give me space to breathe? Right? How does that give me space to align and to be present? I'm present for everyone else, but absent from my own life is often how people feel and how I've felt when we are drifting out of alignment. So this is where curiosity becomes really important because instead of asking what's wrong with me, I want you to evaluate and try and ask yourself these questions instead. What feels different lately? When was the last time I felt most like myself? What was I doing in that season of life? Where have I started saying yes out of obligation instead of intention? What lights me up? What fuels me that I haven't made time for recently? And where do I feel most like I'm performing or wearing a hat that doesn't serve me instead of simply just being? I don't think alignment is a destination where you suddenly wake up and you're like, I've arrived, right? It's a relationship. It's the ongoing practice of noticing when you've drifted and gently finding your way back, and also noticing where you have abandoned yourself and making those edits. Some days you'll feel deeply connected, and other days life will pull you in a hundred directions. And the goal isn't to never drift or to always feel like you're abandoning you. It's to recognize it sooner and return with compassion instead of criticism. One thing I often remind myself and my clients and my humans, which is really helpful, is you don't have to wait until you're miserable to make a change. Feeling disconnected is enough of a reason to get curious and start asking yourself these questions and evaluating. You don't need permission to ask, is this still working for me? The second you feel it, evaluate it. Haley, the question that I want to leave you with and I want you to consider is if I've stripped away all the roles I play, all the expectations I carry and all the things I do for everyone else, would I recognize the person that's left? Because I think that's really what alignment is about. Not chasing happiness, but cultivating a life where you can recognize yourself in the middle of it. I hope that was helpful. I know it's a lot of reflective pieces, but this work is very deep and intentional. So it does mean we're doing more reflection. And let me know how that goes and how those reflections feel. Okay. Our final question in the alignment series, because I just there was y'all asked just too many good questions, and that's great. Is from Chris in Kansas. What if I know what I need to do, but I don't feel brave enough to do it? Chris, thank you so much for asking this. I got I have chills. That is what keeps us in one place, isn't it? I think this question is where so many people get stuck because we often believe that clarity should automatically create courage, but knowing what we need to and feeling ready to do that are two very different things. And sometimes the gap between knowing and doing is where the real work actually happens. We can have complete clarity and still feel really scared. A great example is you're leaving a toxic relationship. We can know we need to do that for forever, but until it hits the space where you're like, I need to do this, you're gonna feel scared. And even when you're doing it, you're gonna feel scared, and that's okay. We can know something is right for us and grieve what it means to choose it. We can want change and feel and still feel attached to what is familiar. Fear doesn't always mean you're making the wrong choice, though. Sometimes fear is simply a sign that you're stepping into something new, and transitions are just scary, but there's nothing wrong with that. So I think we often misunderstand courage as well, though. I think courage means not being afraid, but what courage actually means is staring something hard in the face and doing it anyways, and it's how we move through the fear in order to be present and choose what we need to for us. It's saying this is scary and I can still take the next step or challenge myself in a new way. Courage is not a personality trait that some people have and others don't. It's a practice. And with any practice, it takes commitment, consistency, and a lot of forethought and planning. Sometimes we're not actually lacking courage, we're just carrying too much. We may be carrying fear of disappointing people, guilt about choosing ourselves, old beliefs that our needs are too much, responsibility for how everyone else will respond to our choices. But the hardest part isn't the decision itself. It's letting go of the version of ourselves that existed before the decision. I would also ask yourself, what are you afraid will happen if you do it? Will someone be disappointed? Will you have to step into the unknown? Will you have to let go of an identity you've held for a long time? Will you have to trust yourself in a way that you haven't before? Because sometimes the fear isn't actually about the change at all. It's more about what the change represents, who it impacts, and the fear of not knowing. Setting the boundary might mean accepting that a relationship has to shift, for example. Or leaving the job might mean admitting that the dream you had of this job is no longer a match for you. Choosing yourself might mean no longer being the person everyone depends on in the same way. Growth often requires us to grieve parts of ourselves and our lives that got us here. Something I always come back to is don't wait for confidence before you act. Confidence is often built after we take the step. And I know that's a really hard one to hear and sometimes doesn't make sense. But we build the trust with ourselves by showing ourselves that we can handle hard things. And that includes the conversations we have with ourselves to even get to the point to make the move. Every time we honor what we know to be true, we strengthen our relationship with ourselves. So, Chris, I want you to start smaller than the final decision. Sometimes we think courage means making the huge life-altering move, but instead it can look like having the hard conversation, saying the small no that might actually feel really big to us, asking for help, admitting what isn't working, taking one step toward what feels aligned. So start smaller. And then a few questions I want you to ask yourself, Chris, are also what do I already know but keep negotiating with? We oftentimes negotiate when we're not trusting of ourselves to make the next move. Oh, it's not that bad, for example. Another question I would ask myself is Am I waiting for the fear to disappear before I move? Because oftentimes that doesn't happen unless you know that there are factors that are going to fall into place that remove the fear. Are we waiting on that? What would I do if I trusted myself just 10% more? And what do I need to feel that I trust myself that 10% more? What is the smallest aligned action I can take today? Write down an action step. Am I protecting myself from discomfort or protecting myself from something that truly isn't right? And I think this is where alignment becomes really powerful. Alignment doesn't mean you're fearless, it means you stop abandoning yourself just because something feels hard. It means you learn to stand beside yourself through uncertainty. The reminder I would offer you, Chris, is you don't have to feel ready to begin. Sometimes readiness is something we create by taking the first step. I guess maybe the question really isn't how do I become brave enough, but maybe it's what would I choose if I trusted that I could handle whatever comes next. Thank you so much, Chris, Haley, Carissa from Florida, Anonymous from Canada, and James in New Jersey. I really appreciate your questions and thank you so much for chiming in on alignment. I also just wanted to make it so clear because I don't think I've ever said this, but I receive questions from listeners when they listen to whatever episode they're listening to, right? So if you are listening to an old episode or the newest episode, you can always submit your hat rack questions and I can always still answer them. They also don't even have to be things that I bring up on the pod. If you just have a question and you want me to work through it, great. Send it on over. So please make sure to fill out your hat rack questions, send them over to me and interact with us on social, share, review. We appreciate all of that. And when our humans do that. But until next time, thank you so much for joining me. And I really appreciate y'all. Bye.