Red Flags & Real Love
Break the Patterns is a weekly podcast about relationship patterns, narcissistic abuse recovery, and what healthy love actually looks like. Hosted by Virginia McConnell — Dating and Relationship Pattern Coach, specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery, and former private investigator — this show brings honest, practical conversations for anyone ready to stop repeating the same relationship and finally choose differently.
Episodes
13 episodes
Jane Doe #3 — "Broken Parts of People Break People More"
Content note: this episode includes descriptions of abuse, addiction, and violence. Support is available — the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Take breaks. Come back when you want to.
Real Talk with Mia Hanks — 29 Years, Two Memoirs, and the Long Road to Naming It
Some patterns don't announce themselves. They arrive quietly, build slowly, and by the time you have language for what's happening, years have gone by.My guest today is Mia Hanks, an author and survivor who spent 29 years inside a...
Real Talk with Dr. Eric Williams — The Three Questions Only You Can Answer
Everyone around you can see it. Your sister sees it, your best friend sees it. And none of it moves you an inch. Dr. Eric Williams explains why — and it's not stubbornness.My guest is a licensed marriage and family therapist with 20+ yea...
Rebuilding Self-Trust After Trauma with Jessy Pearson Cheney
What happens when you leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, but your body still feels like you're in danger?In this powerful conversation, Virginia McConnell sits down with Jessy Pearson Cheney, an Emotion Code practitioner who he...
Always Be Collecting Data with Anil Gupta
Most people go into relationships with hope and a good feeling. Anil Gupta goes in with a system — and he's blunt about why: roughly nine out of ten relationships fail, and most people are on their fifth, sixth, or seventh before they marry, st...
Real Talk with NK Navarro — "My Picker Is Broken"
There's a moment in dating when the story stops being about them and starts being about you. NK Navarro found hers in a coffee shop, in tears, at 40.My guest today is NK Navarro, author of When the Bar Is in Hell: Dating at 40...
Jane Doe #2 — "I Would Choose My Mother Over You"
Content note: this episode includes pregnancy and infant loss, infidelity, and sustained emotional and verbal abuse. Take care of yourself as you listen — pause when you need to.The Jane Doe series is where anonymous guests shar...
Keeping the Hope and Not the Fantasy with Violet Lange
Violet Lange is a dating, relationship, and intimacy coach who helps smart, spiritual women attract healthy, lasting love. In this episode, she shares her latest dating after toxic and narcissistic abuse relationships.We also get into:
Jane Doe #1 — "I Didn't Know Until I Was Already In It"
A note before you listen: This episode contains a first-person account of narcissistic abuse. Some details may be heavy, especially if your own story is still fresh. Take care of yourself as you listen — pause when you need to.T...
Abuse vs. Narcissistic Abuse — What's the Difference?
"Abuse is abuse... right?" Not exactly. All narcissistic abuse is abuse — but not all abuse is narcissistic. And if you've ever tried to explain what happened to you and watched someone's face say "that doesn't sound so bad," this epis...
You Don't Have to Apologize for Taking Up Space
Somewhere along the way, you learned to make yourself smaller. To soften your needs. To say "sorry" for things that never required an apology — for having an opinion, for needing rest, for simply being in the room. When you've spent time around...
Was That Narcissistic Abuse?!
You've replayed it a hundred times. The moments that didn't sit right. The way you started second-guessing your own memory. The apologies you gave for things that were never yours to carry. And still, that question lingers: was that actuall...
Why We Repeat the Same Relationship Patterns
Why do so many people end up in the same relationship — different face, same dynamic? In this first episode of Red Flags & Real Love, Virginia McConnell breaks down the psychology of relationship patterns: where they start, why they persist...