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Redesigning Life with Sabrina Soto
Redesigning Life with Sabrina Soto is a podcast dedicated to inspiring intentional living, personal growth, and transformation. Hosted by design expert and lifestyle guru Sabrina Soto, each episode dives into conversations about wellness, mindset, home, and self-improvement with leading experts and thought leaders. With a mix of practical advice, heartfelt storytelling, and empowering insights, Redesigning Life is your go-to space for creating a life that feels as good as it looks—one thoughtful choice at a time.
Redesigning Life with Sabrina Soto
SPECIAL EDITION: Lewis Howes on Emotional Freedom
Lewis Howes joins us for an intimate conversation about personal transformation, healing childhood trauma, and finding emotional freedom through self-assessment and inner work.
• Lewis shares how hitting rock bottom after moving to LA became his wake-up call
• Self-assessment is the crucial first step in identifying what needs healing
• Healing requires looking at past wounds that cause emotional triggers
• The three fears that cause self-doubt: fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of judgment
• Inner child work helped Lewis heal from childhood sexual abuse he kept secret for 25 years
• Authentic vulnerability creates emotional freedom and deeper connections
• Emotional regulation is the key to lasting happiness and fulfillment
• Making peace with money requires healing financial wounds and limiting beliefs
The greatest transformation happens when we take responsibility for our emotions and heal from within. Lewis's new book "Make Money Easy" addresses how to heal your relationship with money for financial peace and abundance.
WATCH THE SABRINA SOTO SHOW:
https://www.sabrinasoto.com/the-sabrina-soto-show/
CONNECT WITH LEWIS ON INSTAGRAM
Welcome to a special edition of Redesigning Life. Many of you know I have a new show called the Sabrina Soto Show Out, and I was able to invite amazing experts in their fields just to come in and have great conversation. But because it's a show, we have to edit it down. Now, these conversations, they were so good that I wanted to publish the raw, unedited version, and that's what this episode is. Today's episode is with Lewis Howes. We sat on the couch. The conversation was so good. Now again, you're going to hear action and you may hear a crew in the background, but I wanted to publish this so you can really listen to the entire chat. So here you go, all right, rolling and action. Hey, lewis.
Speaker 2:Good to see you.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited you're here. So this whole show is about teaching people how to redesign their lives and inspire them to just live a little differently, and for years you have inspired millions of people. How did you even get started on the podcast? School greatness, everything.
Speaker 2:Well, it started with me moving to Los Angeles for a girl, and she broke up with me the day I landed.
Speaker 1:Oh boy.
Speaker 2:I moved from New York City to LA. Two suitcases, a guitar and a laptop. And I get here and she broke up with me that day and I remember thinking I just let go of my lease. I don't have a lease here, what do I do with my life? We ended up kind of getting back together a few days later and it was a roller coaster for the next six months and I thought to myself do I go back to New York, where I was thriving, or do I figure out what's happening in my life? Why is this happening for me? And I started to kind of get frustrated with a lot of things in life. A business partnership was falling apart, my intimate relationship was falling apart and I could see my emotions getting the best of me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I just started to be more reactive and, coming from New York City, I was walking everywhere. I was taking the subway here, I was driving the traffic. I didn't like it at first. I was like this is a different place and I just could feel my frustrations getting the best of me of every situation in life, until one day I kind of snapped. I lost it on a basketball court playing basketball Pick up basketball in West Hollywood. How long ago was this? This was 12 years ago and I got in a fight on a basketball court like a no stakes basketball game, right.
Speaker 1:Like a physical fight.
Speaker 2:A fist fight. Okay, I got in a fist fight and I remember my best friend was with me and I went home after this fight and I remember looking myself in the mirror, being kind of terrified of what I was looking at, and I just stared at myself in the mirror and I was like who are you Like? Who are you, what are you doing? Why are you allowing this to trigger you and have power over you? And my best friend at the time he was like you know, if you're going to keep acting like this, I don't want to hang out with you. And that was a big wake up call.
Speaker 1:Because even your girlfriend just broke up with you too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean we were trying to make it work, but it was like this up and down thing, right, this whole thing. And that was I was 29. I was about to turn 30 and I thought I had everything figured out. I was making a lot of money, I was getting some notoriety online.
Speaker 1:I was, you know what were you doing for work at the time?
Speaker 2:I had an online marketing company and I was creating online educational courses and doing online marketing. So I was. You know, I left. A few years prior to that, I was living on my sister's couch in Columbus, ohio, and I escaped that and I built something for myself and I thought that would be the solution, like making money and making a name for myself. I thought that would bring me peace and it only caused more stress because stress was inside of me. So when I had more, the stress amplified, right, and it just revealed more of who I was and my best friend said that to me and I was just like. I got to take a look in the mirror even more and I got to make a transformation inside of me. Where I thought everyone else was the problem, I was the common denominator, and so I started asking therapists. You know what I can do. I started going to emotional intelligence workshops. I tried everything for like a year and a half and, um, that's when I started to wake up, when I started to look from within.
Speaker 1:And so with that, like the transformation came from, you were almost forced to right it, like you were at a dead end.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it was just, everything was falling apart and I just knew, okay, having money isn't the solution. It might be a solution to some things money things, but not emotional things. Yeah, it amplified my emotions.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It made me more scared, it made me more insecure, frustrated, worried, anxious, all these different things and I was like I thought this was a solution and what I really needed to learn how to do was how to heal my heart. And it wasn't until I learned the strategies of really true healing and being on a healing journey of my emotions, my wounds, my memories, all the things that kind of triggered me emotionally. That's when I learned how to set myself free.
Speaker 1:So can you share for people that are listening, watching this? Can you share sort of the steps that you found that have worked for you? I know you have like 10 steps to happiness, but what are something people that are watching this? What can they incorporate into their own lives too If they're in that middle of the, you know, in that dead end maybe, that you were at.
Speaker 2:I think first thing is a self-assessment, an easy one through 10 assessment of where am I at physically, emotionally, financially, relationships. Where am I on a scale of one to 10? One being in a really bad place, 10 being like I'm in the best place possible. Just do a self-evaluation of every area of your life.
Speaker 2:How's my relationship with my parents? Eh, it's a four, okay, why? What can I start to do to improve that to a five, six, seven, to an eight, nine, 10, whatever it might be? So a self-assessment would be step one Take inventory of everything in your life. My relationship isn't working, why? And don't blame the other person.
Speaker 2:I blamed everyone for a long time. She did this to me, my business partner did this to me, my mom did this to me, my dad, you know all these different things. Sure, they might do these things to you, but you get what you tolerate, also in life. And so, unless I had the courage to create boundaries, it wasn't going to improve and I would always live with resentment, which I didn't know how to create boundaries Because, as a kid, I felt alone, I felt insignificant, I felt abused, I was sexually abused, I felt abandoned. All these different things stayed with me. So I had to assess it first and realize okay, I've got to heal these things that are making me feel unworthy, not good enough, overwhelmed, anxious. All these different things Constantly giving in to please people I don't know if you're a former people pleaser like me.
Speaker 1:Not former. Still live in it. I still find myself people pleasing, but I'm working on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it doesn't feel good when you live in a state of constantly needing to please other people without boundaries. It's not that I don't want to please people, but I don't want to be resentful that I'm changing who. I am constantly to put someone else before me, absolutely, how can I create the win-win? So the assessment would be the first thing really taking inventory, just writing down one through 10, where am I in my relationships? Where am I in my health? Where am I in my health? Where am I in my finances? Where am I in these places in my life that cause stress, pain or dis-ease? That would be the first thing. The second thing would be to then look within and say, okay, where did the I mean? This gets a little deeper and people may not want to do this work. It's the hardest work to do, but I think it's the thing that'll set you the most free and that's looking at all the wounds that cause you the most pain from the past. Right, it's not fun, it's not enjoyable, it's not lighthearted, it's not simple, it's hard.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, I just would not feel peace if I didn't do that work.
Speaker 1:The problem. Last year I went on a retreat for seven days and it was all about inner child work and what I realized is what caused me so much trauma in my childhood that I was holding onto still in my forties. Now I was being applauded for so I became this ultra independent woman. I don't need anyone, I don't need a man, I don't need any person, don't need help from anyone. It was almost like I wore it as a bulletproof vest to keep everyone away, but I was also being applauded by being so successful.
Speaker 2:But in that retreat, and how'd that work out for you?
Speaker 1:Not so good in my romantic relationships and it took me understanding that soft is strong. But you're right, it's not.
Speaker 2:So it didn't work in your romantic relationships.
Speaker 1:No, absolutely not. I kept everyone away and I sabotaged a lot of romantic relationships, because how can you even create intimacy if you won't let anyone in you to see you right yeah, to see you being vulnerable, to see your true self? And it took doing that work, and that work was tough. It was seven days of tough work, but it isn't for the faint of heart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's a journey. You know, I did many kind of workshops and retreats and I thought like, okay, maybe I've got the answers now, but it's really like you have to integrate that lesson every single day. And healing is not a one-time event, it's not a weekend retreat, it's a journey.
Speaker 1:You know it drives me crazy. I know you have a lot of people on your podcast, but it drives me crazy when people are like this. But it drives me crazy when people are like this book changed my life. This trip changed my life Because I don't. That's not how healing works. There's not one book that changed. I'm not talking about your book.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, when people say it changed their life, it woke them up.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It got them saying, oh, I didn't see. Now I see something differently. Yes, and that weekend trip or that interview on your show or that book got me to see something differently at the exact time I was ready to see it.
Speaker 2:Right, but a lot of us have heard these things before, right, you probably had girlfriends telling you you got to soften up, you got to be a little bit more in your feminine. You got to let a man open the door for you. You got to just let him pay for you for dinner once in a while. You know, you don't have to show that you're perfect and you can do it all yourself.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because then he's not going to feel wanted or needed or desired.
Speaker 1:That's absolutely right.
Speaker 2:So why? But you're like, no, but I, you know, I can't let a man hurt me, right? I can never let someone do this to me ever again, because it probably happened at some point.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's probably felt insignificant, right.
Speaker 2:But that's not going to serve you forever, right, right, and maybe it supports you in your career or getting the things you want or being driven in certain ways. But in a relationship we have to learn how to step into a different dynamic to create harmony and peace. Because you didn't have it, you didn't have harmony in relationships.
Speaker 1:But I love what you said about the healing too, because it's not linear. I mean, my mom kind of makes fun of me because I constantly am reading, I'm constantly doing retreats or just learning new things, podcasts, ingesting all this information. She's like when is enough enough? But I feel like it's a constant work in progress. 100%, you agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think you should stop learning. No, I think you should always be learning. Maybe you can take some space and time to integrate what you've learned. So it's not like always learning. That could be a crutch also. So it's learning how to integrate it and really practice it and see how you continue to evolve and transform with those practices. Right, but I've been doing my show for 12 years, every single week. I've done interviews every week for 12 years and people say like, are you learning anything new? And there's a lot of repetitive messages.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I feel like if I'm not hearing the same things that I know that will support me, I may fall off track on what is good for me. Yes, I may say well, yeah, I learned that a few years ago, so I don't need to hear it anymore. So let me just stop doing the practices that I know are good for me. No, but when I'm around a neuroscientist, a health expert or someone who can inspire me and empower me and share with me one thing that I can be like oh yeah, I know I'm supposed to do that and I haven't been doing it. Let me get back to it.
Speaker 1:I'm the exact same way.
Speaker 2:It's important yeah.
Speaker 1:Years ago, in 2006, I watched the Secret. Do you remember this documentary?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've interviewed Rhonda Byrne. Yeah, she's amazing. Okay, so you know? Yeah, yeah, it's incredible.
Speaker 1:It changed my life. Sorry, no, I just-.
Speaker 2:No, it did.
Speaker 1:It woke you up it woke me up, and then of course there are times that I forget about the teachings and I kind of fall off the wagon and I do have to reintegrate that sort of knowledge into my life and I our lives.
Speaker 2:What's the thing that's blocking you in your life the most right now?
Speaker 1:The thing right now. I mean I don't know. I think right now you're catching me at a really good time. I feel really at peace.
Speaker 2:Things are flowing. You got the show, you got the relationship, you got the dream house everything.
Speaker 1:It's like things are flowing, but I mean, if you were to ask me a year ago, my life was completely different.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:As a matter of fact, a year ago today, I was at that retreat. Wow, today, yes, wow, I actually finished it when we wrapped the show was exactly when I wrapped the retreat. And how much my life has changed in a year. And I do believe that transformation can happen as quick as you want it to, as long as you do the work.
Speaker 2:Wow. And what's been the biggest lesson for you in the past year? Well, I think self-doubt is the biggest killer of our dreams.
Speaker 1:But do you think self-doubt is fear of success, like succeeding or failure?
Speaker 2:There's three main reasons why people doubt themselves. Tell me. The first one is the fear of failure, and that's if you get in a room of a thousand people and you say, raise your hand. If you've ever been afraid to fail, most people will raise their hand and say, yes, I have a fear of failure. Trying something and it not working out and me failing, that fear cripples me so I don't actually go forward and do what I want to do.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Or I do it with hesitation and worry and double check and make sure people are approving of me along the way. Right, that's one of the biggest fears. The second fear that people have that causes them to doubt themselves is the fear of success what you alluded to and the fear of success. If you ask, 1,000 people raise your hand, if you've ever been afraid to succeed about 50%, 60% of the time people raise their hand and it always shocks me because as a kid, I always wanted to be successful.
Speaker 2:I always wanted to have a goal or a dream that I could accomplish. For me, that's success. It's not about the money or something. It's about having a vision in my mind and being able to alchemize and actualize that dream, in whatever form that is. So I was like wanting to succeed in those ways. I was never afraid of it, so I didn't understand it. But there's an amazing documentary called the Weight of Gold and it's about Olympians who train their whole life for the Olympics. They get there, they win a medal and then, within six months, a year, either commit suicide, go through extreme depression and have a lot of other problems.
Speaker 1:Because what they were working for their whole life is now gone. And now what?
Speaker 2:Well, it's also the weight and the pressure of success.
Speaker 2:It's like, okay, you've been striving to accomplish this thing and now everyone looks at you to have the answers, to say the right things to lead them to the promised land of whatever that looks like. You're supposed to be the chosen one now and now. Everyone looks to you and criticizes and judges everything you do, and there is an immense emotional and physical weight that people put on their shoulders when there is success because of the pressure and pressure is a privilege but most people don't look at it that way. They look at it as a weight and they don't have the skills to emotionally navigate success. Therefore, success is a main fear that causes them to doubt themselves.
Speaker 1:I'm going to share something with you. I'm getting emotional because this show is called my Name and when we were like workshopping the show name, I was like let's call it something else. I came up with a million other names because if it's my name and it fails, it's on you, right, it's on you. Right, so I'm like let's just call it anything else, but my name that's interesting.
Speaker 2:You know I'm laughing because something we were talking about beforehand. When I launched my show 12 years ago, the School of Greatness everyone was saying call it the Lewis Howe Show, call it your name. Ago, the school of greatness everyone was saying call it the Lewis house show, call it your name. And something about me. I'm not saying this is what you went through, but something about me. At that season of life, I was like it can't be about me, it can't be my ego. I needed to be about serving everyone else and putting everyone else first, because that's what I needed at that time of my life. I'm actually at another stage where I'm like no, I could leave with my name now, because I feel like I've been doing the healing work and it sounds like you've been doing the healing work as well.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So you're not as narcissistic as you might think. It's okay to have your name in the show. It means you're stepping into your authentic power.
Speaker 1:Because what my background? I was home, like I. We lost our home when I was 17 years old. So in essence, I was homeless at the age of 17. I've created, I'm self-made, I came from nothing to create a life for my daughter and I. That, I think is nice and I've created a brand. So it took me really sitting with myself and thinking, cause I thought this is my ego I don't want it to sound so egotistical the Sabrina Soto show but I'm like you know what? If I can show people that you can come from nothing, with no connections, and make a life that you're happy with, then that's enough.
Speaker 2:Own it, step into your power, and you're in a season of life right now where you feel like you're able to do that and I think it's beautiful. At least you didn't say just Sabrina, you know, it's like you weren't trying to be, like Oprah, you know you weren't trying to, you were doing the whole day, you know. So it's good.
Speaker 1:But then we have the teenage witch. It was just going to get complicated.
Speaker 2:Exactly yeah, yeah, no, it's great. But that's the second thing that holds people back, that causes them to doubt themselves and to have a lack of self-worth. The third thing is so. I never had the fear of failure or success as an athlete. Did you play sports growing up?
Speaker 2:No, not sporty at all as an athlete, but that's your background, that's my whole life, right. As an athlete, you fail every day in practice. You're missing the shot, you're dropping a ball, you're making mistakes all day long and that's how you learn to succeed. So, as an athlete, I learned you don't want to fail, but you know it's part of the process and it's failure is just feedback, it's information giving you what you need to improve, to get better. It's just data as an athlete. So I just learned okay, failure is part of the process to success and success is the goal.
Speaker 2:My biggest fear my whole life was the third one, which is the fear of judgment, and this is other people's opinions, what they think about you, and that crippled me. Whether I was going after my goals failure, success, that didn't really matter, but it was like how I looked, my image, the way I spoke, like everything. It was just worried about what people thought about me, whether I was in the room with them, whether they were behind my back. What are they thought about me? Whether I was in the room with them, whether they were behind my back, what are they saying about me? How are they interpreting me? I was just so insecure that that was my fear of judgment, so it crippled me Anytime people gave me feedback or criticized me. I just couldn't take it. It was just like, ah, and so that's why I became a people pleaser. But how did you?
Speaker 1:get over that.
Speaker 2:Man, years of therapy and letting my ego die, like allowing my old identity to completely die off and transform and it took a lot of healing of my inner child which is what sounds like you went through a year ago as well and really loving the part of me that had the most insecurity, the most doubt, the fears, all those different things and reintegrating that part of me that had the most insecurity, the most doubt, the fears, all those different things, and reintegrating that part of me with my adult self as weird as that might sound and creating harmony with the old, wounded self, with the new self, and creating a new identity and letting go of the parts of me that didn't work for me and that took years of integration and practice and coaching and reflection and integrating. It's just like a process until I felt a level of peace and fulfillment that I never experienced before.
Speaker 1:Would you say that you're happy now?
Speaker 2:I would say I'm very peaceful, fulfilled and abundant. I think happiness is a choice every single day, and there are moments where I can feel frustrated or upset that something's not going my way. But I choose gratitude, peace and abundance. So I don't try to put myself in a happy state all day long, because I want to feel the full range of emotions, but I don't want it to overtake me from my joy. So I'll feel it and then I'll get out of it back to gratitude.
Speaker 1:The inner child work that you did I in therapy. My therapist told me to like take a picture of myself and I didn't understand it until I realized there was a situation that I was in and she told me every time you choose the bat, you know, going back to this bad situation, you're abandoning her, that little girl, and that was so powerful.
Speaker 2:Did you do inner child work like that too? For almost a year I had a photo of my five-year-old self in my screensaver and every moment I would pick up my phone I would look at him and I would just say you are loved, you are worthy and you're enough. I love that. And I was sexually abused by a man that I didn't know at five. So I found a photo of around that time where I had one of the biggest wounds that kind of defined me for 25 years because I never told anyone for 25 years. 25 years later, at 30, I finally started opening up about it.
Speaker 2:When I went through these breakdowns and all these areas of my life, I went to a workshop that allowed me to finally talk about it for the first time and it was I thought my life was over by sharing this. Why? Because I'd never seen another man who had been sexually abused. I'd never seen an athlete talk about it on TV or executives talk about it. No one was open 10, 11 years ago talking about sexual abuse as a man.
Speaker 2:So I thought I was weak. I was like I'm weak. If people know this about me, and if people actually knew this about me, no one would love me. So that was the biggest fear. If people really knew what I've been through, how could they ever love this person inside of me? And so I was terrified, and so I wore a mask to act a certain way, to fit in and try to belong. But trying to fit in is not the same thing as belonging. When you're pretending, when you're wearing a mask, when you're people pleasing, you're being a weaker version of you, you're not being your most authentic self, you're being a wounded version of you and you're living in a lack of self-worth.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I'm getting emotional. You're like what's wrong, because I feel like there's so many people that are watching this that are in that exact statement. It makes me so sad because you're not alone and you've helped so many people find the courage to be honest with themselves and with the people in their lives, so that you're free.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you feel free?
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. Yeah, I never felt this free in my life.
Speaker 1:That takes courage.
Speaker 2:And I never felt free. I always felt like I couldn't sleep at night. It would take me a couple hours every night my whole childhood until I was 30, just laying in bed like, ruminating constantly, and I didn't know why. It was just like, and I always had, you didn't attribute it to that.
Speaker 2:No, I just thought something else was wrong with me. I was just like, ah, I must be just messed up or something. But it was like almost every day there was a movie playing in my mind of being sexually abused and being in that setting and that scene and just reliving this kind of experience. You know that setting and that scene and just reliving this kind of experience. And it wasn't until I voiced it in a safe environment and then really started to heal and integrate and continue to talk about it until it didn't have power over me anymore.
Speaker 1:And is that when you went public with it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it still had power over me. Probably six months after I started telling my family, my friends, kind of one-on-one, and working with the therapist, I realized I'm still worried what people think about me. And at that time I just launched my show, the School of Greatness, maybe nine months prior, and I thought to myself what would the ultimate act of courage be? And I'm not saying that everyone needs to go public with their stuff, but I just felt like man, this, I'm still worried what people think about me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I I called a friend and said can you interview me on my show where we can kind of navigate this and I can talk about it? And I remember I recorded it and I held it for like months Cause I was just like terror. I literally thought my life was over. I thought my business, I thought I would make no more money, I thought I would lose everything if people knew this about me. And it was actually the opposite.
Speaker 2:I ended up putting it out there, thinking I'm just going to let this be in the universe, and for weeks it's still the most downloaded thing I've ever put out. And for weeks I got just essays from men sending me letters telling me thank you, and they're, you know, just letter after letter. I'm 55 years old, you know, I've been married for 20 something years. I've got three kids, my wife and kids don't know. Here's what happened to me, just story after story. You know it was almost like an emotional hangover. It was so hard to read this because I thought I was the only one. Yes, because I hadn't heard other men talk about it, and I was just like, all right, I have no example, but putting it out there allowed myself to heal more and allowed other men to start their healing journey.
Speaker 1:Yes. Do you think that emotional freedom is authenticity and vulnerability? Yes.
Speaker 2:I think it takes being authentic and being vulnerable to create emotional freedom.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it yeah.
Speaker 2:But again, I don't want people to say, oh, you should just post whatever you want online to like your whole audience. I don't think everything needs to be public. I felt like that was part of my journey, yeah, and because it took the ultimate act of courage to say I need to let my ego die. You know, whatever people think about me, I need to like, let it go. And this for me, was it was still. I was still a prisoner of this fear and so I had to let it go that way.
Speaker 1:In the last 15 years of doing so many. I mean, how many episodes have you done of School of Greatness?
Speaker 2:I think like 17, 1800. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's incredible.
Speaker 2:Every week for 12 years, yeah.
Speaker 1:So what is this? I guess you say that you sort of keep getting the same information over and over, but it's nice to sort of refresh yourself.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:What is the one thing that you've learned in all the different experts that you've had that you use daily in your life?
Speaker 2:To kind of recap these I guess habits to create happiness in your life. We talked about first creating a self-assessment and really kind of recap these I guess habits to create happiness in your life. You know, we talked about first creating a self-assessment and really kind of writing down one through ten where am I in my life and these different categories of my life? And once I have awareness, then I can start to take action. I can start to heal and think about the memories, the wounds, the events that caused me to be triggered, to be avoided, to try to be tough and take care of everything myself, as opposed to a give and take, whatever it might be. Then we've got to start creating these practices and start integrating these practices in our life. Once we start the healing journey, it's really integrating those things and coming from a place of gratitude, appreciation and abundance mindset. And when we can do that in our daily life we'll start to attract more good things in our life as well.
Speaker 2:But the number one thing over the last 12 years is based on an interview I did with a neuroscientist who's also a brain surgeon that I had on the show. He's done over a thousand brain surgeries and he's also got a PhD in neuroscience so he studies the actual brain by helping kind of remove cancer from the brain and studying the brain matter, but also studies the mind. And I said what's the number one thing that will set people free in their lives? And he said emotional regulation. And that's kind of like 12 years of my own personal work, interviews I've done from the world's greatest athletes, business leaders, neuroscientists, therapists. It's kind of like when you can learn to regulate your emotions, not limit your emotions, not stuff your emotions, not just be happy every day even when you're not.
Speaker 1:Which is also toxic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not good, but regulate emotions. Feel the frustration, process it, let it go and then get back into the state of being. Your most authentic self wants to be in the full range of emotion is fine, but not hurting someone else or hurting yourself through expressing those emotions that's emotional regulation.
Speaker 1:Okay, but kind of dumb it down For anyone who's watching this, it goes okay. I find myself doing the roller coaster every day and they're watching. Can you just give me?
Speaker 2:an example. I'll give an example. Yesterday I was going through a frustrating conversation with my business, with another partner who's trying to do a big deal that we're doing together and I'll be completely honest with you, I was really frustrated about something I was feeling. You know, I was not feeling like they were being a good partner and I kept saying to myself I just want to punch a wall right now. Now I'm not going to punch a wall, but I was expressing my feelings, like I want to do something. I want to. I'm frustrated, I'm set. You know all these things.
Speaker 2:I want to punch a wall, but I'm not actually going to punch a wall, but I'm going to say what I want to do and let it out of me. Okay, this is how I'm frustrated. I want to like throw something, I want to scream, whatever it is. I'm going to let it out of me in a contained space. I'm not going to do it in front of my team. I'm not going to like hurt someone else or hurt me, but I'm going to say how I feel and then get back to. Okay, what's the solution? How can I solve this problem? How can I come from a space of like seeing the vision I have in my mind of how I want to create this partnership to be beautiful where it's a win-win.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Not react and throw a temper tantrum Right, like my old self would have done?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It's transforming that feeling through emotional regulation and finding what is the vision, what's the solution. And let me take the next step.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you have a new book coming out, so can you tell us?
Speaker 1:a little bit about that New book's called Make Money Easy. Okay, it's going to be a bestseller.
Speaker 2:Money is one of the biggest pains in people's lives. Yes, it ruins relationships. It ruins marriages when people don't understand how to make money easy for them and have the conscious conversations with them. And one of the biggest problems we have around money is we have money wounds and money stories that cause us to restrict, to be avoidant, to be anxious or insecure around money and it causes a lot of pain in our relationships. So the whole book is around healing your relationship with money so you can create financial peace and abundance.
Speaker 1:I love that. I agree that some of my friendships friends in my life, especially friends that I've had since I was 10, we talk about money because it's kind of a taboo subject. But when my friends are really open about it they talk to me about how their parents say it doesn't grow on trees and that goes into their subconscious and why they do have blocks. So I think it's sort of simple if you could clear all of that garbage out, that the abundance does get attracted to you Like. Imagine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we all have an attachment style. You've heard of this book called Attach, which has done really well, and you can what are you? I'm secure now. Oh okay, but I used to always be like-.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too.
Speaker 2:Anxious avoidant. See, well, you actually have to ask the partner they're with and say what are they? So you can't just say I'm secure, because it's like we all have tendencies, but True, my fiance would say I'm secure. So it's asking the partner what are they?
Speaker 1:Is she secure?
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's very secure.
Speaker 1:Then it's a win-win. Exactly yeah.
Speaker 2:But it took I mean 20 years of going through challenging relationships where I was the common denominator of all them not working out and pain throughout all of them. So I had to do a lot, of many years of healing work until I felt peaceful.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you're here. This whole show is about redesigning your life and because I don't want people to have to go through all the things that maybe we have in order to live a better life, and if they are going through the things that we've gone through, I want them to not feel alone and to feel like they have this community with them. So thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me Seriously Appreciate it, neighbor. This was awesome.