Executive Dysfunction What The Heck Is This

In this episode, we break down executive dysfunction—what it is, how it shows up in ADHD moms, and simple ways to work with your brain, not against it. 

You’re not lazy—your brain just needs support, not shame.

Transcript

Jessica Lewis: 0:01

Hey, welcome back to the ADHD MOM podcast. Today's episode we're talking about executive functioning. Have you heard that word before? If not, what the heck is it and why does it affect us so much? Well, if you've ever looked at a sink full of dishes and you just stand there staring at it and have no idea what to do first, that's executive dysfunction. Or maybe you have five things to do, but you just can't start even one. You don't even know where to start. If that's you, this episode is just for you. Before we talk about what executive dysfunction is and what it looks like in your life and your kids' life, here's a quick win for the day. We've talked about this before, but just write down one thing that's stuck in your brain that you haven't started getting it out of your head onto a sticky note onto your phone on the back of a receipt, wherever. That one act of externalizing the task gives your brain relief, clarity, and just a little bit of momentum because when it lives in your head. It grows, right? It gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And the small task of call your doctor to schedule an appointment becomes a full day of feeling overwhelmed and stressed. And if you just write it down, the task shrinks It makes it into this small task that it really actually is. So get it out of your head. Just write it down in that task or thing that's been hanging in your head, won't grow any bigger. So today we're diving into executive dysfunction. It sounds super clinical, maybe boring, but if you're an ADHD mom, it basically explains half your life. It also explains your kid's life. So what is executive dysfunction? Your executive functions are like the CEO of your brain, so they help you plan, prioritize, shift, focus, make decisions. Do you struggle with all of this? Well, it's because of executive dysfunction. So when the CEO or the one who plans and prioritizes and starts things, when that CEO goes offline, welcome to executive dysfunction. What does that look like for us? ADHD moms? Well, it doesn't always look that dramatic. Sometimes it could look like standing in your kitchen and you're overwhelmed because you know that dinner needs to be made, but you can't figure out where to start. What am I gonna make? What ingredients do I have? Can I reuse something that's already in the fridge? Did we already eat that yesterday? Is it healthy? Do I care about being healthy today? All of these things are roaming around in your head and you just don't know where to start. Executive dysfunction also could look like walking into a room and forgetting why you're there again. I talk to my daughter about this. We do this all the time. We're like, oh, I need to go do, and then we'll walk into the room and then totally forget why we were there. So then we come back to where we were and remember, oh, right, that's what I was doing. That's what I need. We go back into the other room and it's like this cycle of forgetting. It's, it's quite impressive actually. Executive dysfunction could also look like procrastinating, phone calls or emails until they turn into emergencies. It could look like getting stuck in that everything feels urgent, but I can't start anything spiral. If you've got an ADHD brain, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. So why does it hit us moms so hard? Well, it's not just ADHD, it's a fact that you're a mom and you're probably managing your kids' emotional needs and their physical schedules, your own work and responsibilities, and the invisible mental load of a whole household. School forms, birthday gifts, grocery lists, soccer practices, baseball games. You've got a lot on your plate already, and it just adds to the overwhelm. So when executive dysfunction kicks in, it doesn't just inconvenience you, it affects the entire family, and that's where shame creeps in. You start wondering, why can't I just get it together? Well, let's talk about why this is happening. This part right here might help you breathe easier because executive dysfunction isn't a character flaw. It's actually brain-based. So let's break it down. Your brain is wired differently and it might not feel like it because this is just how you have always survived, right? So the part of the brain responsible for executive function is called the prefrontal cortex. It's typically underactive in people with ADHD. So planning, prioritizing, shifting between tasks, all of that takes extra effort. So your brain's not broken. It's just working harder to do the same job. And you probably see this with some of your friends that don't have ADHD, like how do they manage all of this? It's because their prefrontal cortex is more active and can execute on things. Ours is a little bit slower and it takes a little bit extra effort. Another reason why you might be experiencing executive dysfunction is you might have lower levels of dopamine or norepinephrine. These are two chemicals that help with attention, motivation, and task initiation. So when you want to do something, your brain might not be firing up the reward signal to get started. Overwhelm makes executive dysfunction worse. Shocker, right? Stress, noise, too many decisions. All of that overloads your system. And when your nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze, your executive function basically goes offline, and this is when you start scrolling. Hello, Instagram reels, zoning out, or even crying over something tiny. I have felt this in the middle of grocery shopping. Standing in Walmart, forgetting my list, and it's overwhelming. The lights are so bright, the music is loud. The people are crazy. And the Walmart shoppers, you know, with the big huge carts, like I'm getting run over by them every turn. It's overwhelming. And I literally feel like crying in the middle of Walmart over grocery shopping. So overwhelm makes it worse. It's your brain begging for a break. Another thing that affects your executive functioning is lack of sleep hormone changes. Yay. And chronic stress can also worsen executive dysfunction. I. ADHD brains already have less margin. So even one rough night can make everything feel so much harder, right? Like you've been there before. And if you're dealing with postpartum perimenopause or just plain exhaustion from raising humans, the burnout and lack of sleep, it compounds. And one last thing to add to this list is a lack of structure equals mental chaos. ADHD Brain's grave structure, but we also rebel against it. Do you feel me here when routines are missing or it's too loose? It's hard to know what to do next. That's why we need to function better when we have external systems. Our checklists, reminders, accountability rather than trying to manage it all in our heads. So now what can we do about this? So here's the good news. You do not need a brain transplant. You just need supportive systems that meet your brain where it is. So let's talk about some tools first. Externalize everything. Don't keep it in your head. That was the quick win earlier. Remember, write it down. Don't keep it in your head. Just write it down. If you keep it in your head, things get bigger and bigger and bigger. When you write it down, when you externalize it, it doesn't have that power over you. When you keep it in your head, it just adds a lot of pressure. So don't keep it in your head. Use a whiteboard and write down your three big priorities for the day. You could use sticky notes, you could use Notion. I love using notion, um, Evernote, Google Tasks, a visual calendar that the whole family can see. Sticky notes. Just getting it out of your brain gives you clarity. Another thing you can do is use activation tools so your brain struggles with starting not doing. So activation tools like the two minute roll start something for just two minutes. You could pair it with a task or music or a timer, the Pomodoro method timer, saying it out loud or saying out loud what you're about to do. I'm going to fold this one basket of laundry. That's one way of externalizing it. Just saying it out loud, getting it out of your head actually really helps, and this little start often leads to a lot of momentum. Another tool you can use is to just simplify your decisions. You could wear the same uniform most days. And that might not sound fun to a lot of us. We like to be fun and colorful and, but maybe if that is really overwhelming for you. If you have a hard time picking out what you're going to wear every day, that takes up a lot of mental space. And so a lot of us just need to pick a color. My husband is like, you wear black all the time. And I was like, yeah.'cause it goes with everything. And it's slimming, right? So I, that's how I, I don't really have a uniform, but I like to wear a lot of black to keep it simple. Um, have theme nights for your meals. Taco Tuesday, you could plan the week in one batch and then write everything down. Setting up automation is huge. So automating your bills or setting up your pre-made grocery lists, all of that helps you get it out of your brain and automate the process. The fewer choices you make in a day, the more energy you save. You could also lean into body doubling and co-regulation, and now I haven't done body doubling, like sitting with somebody on Zoom and you just. Are there together, but you're working on things that you just don't want to do, like marketing. Um, I know a lot of people do that and they find it really helpful. I just haven't done it yet, but I know it would be helpful because our ADHD brains often need another person nearby just to help us stay on task. Also, and this is really hard, I think for most of us moms to do is ask for help early. Don't wait until you're drowning. I. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or behind, say it out loud. Text a friend and just say, I need a five minute vent session. Um, my friend and I text all the time every day with vent sessions, and then we'll be like, okay, thank you. That feels better. You could also ask your partner, Hey, can you do the bedtime routine tonight so I can regroup? Or if you, if you have a coach or a mentor or a therapist, let them know how you're feeling and see the signs of burnout before you start burning out executive dysfunction. Yeah, it's frustrating and it makes everyday life feel so much harder than it should be, but it's not because you're failing and it's not because you're not trying. It's just because your brain needs different tools. You need different pacing. You need different support. What it looks like for you looks like something totally different for someone else. You are not lazy, you are not behind, and you're not broken. You're doing the best you can with a brain that sometimes just needs a little extra scaffolding, and that's okay. If this episode helped you feel seen, encouraged, or. Just a little less alone in the chaos. Share it with another ADHD mom who needs to hear it. You deserve systems that work with your brain, not against it. Until next time, you're awesome. You're doing better than you think.