The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series
Have you been questioning how to live your dreams and enjoy greater happiness, health, and wellbeing? I'm James Granstrom, male model turned international speaker and wellbeing teacher. Join me every other week for new lessons, tips, and conversations on personal growth, health, healing and spirituality with my inspiring guests or straight talk from myself. I'm here to guide you to become your best self and enrich your life, so you can tune and tap into your own natural state of wellbeing.
The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series
Redefining Beauty: Embracing Identity, Resilience and Disability with Heidi Herkes
Join us as Heidi Herkes shares her inspiring journey of resilience, style, and self-discovery. Paralyzed from the chest down after an accident in 2014, Heidi transformed her life from bridal hair and makeup artist to personal stylist, specializing in seated body types. Her story is a testament to embracing beauty amidst adversity and how style can redefine confidence.
Heidi’s outlook is a beacon of hope for anyone navigating life-changing challenges or disabilities. In this episode, she shares how humor and positivity became her allies, breaks stereotypes about disability, and inspires thousands through her vibrant social media presence and as a speaker. From pre-loved fashion tips to celebrating small victories, Heidi shows us how to turn obstacles into opportunities for joy and empowerment. Don’t miss this uplifting and colorful conversation!
Well, as you can imagine, life was hanging upside down on a really thin thread. Everything that I once knew had disappeared. So I really had to start from the bottom up, you know, and I found it very difficult to accept the changes in my body and how it challenged my identity. So, you know, I just, I guess, over time, realised that you know, beauty isn't about fitting into a mould, it's more about embracing your sense of self.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to the James Granstrom podcast super soul model series, where I help people tune and tap into their natural state of well-being. This week's super soul model is Heidi Herkes. Heidi is a disabled lifestyle influencer and she is a messenger of hope as well, helping people and be inspired that you can travel and still have adventure despite your conditions. I am so thrilled to welcome this week's Super Soul Model. Welcome, heidi.
Speaker 2:Hello, hello, thanks for inviting me, it's a real pleasure to have you on the show this week. I think your story and you are just tremendously inspiring and I'm so thrilled for the audience to be able to listen to some of your nuggets of wisdom. And, you know, just share a part of your story and your mindset about how you've been inspiring so many people. So, if it's possible, just tell us a little bit about your story and you know where you're at and so we can understand your journey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure, and you know where you're at and so we can understand your journey. Yeah, sure, okay. Well, back in 2014, I may as well start from the beginning I fell down the stairs and I broke my neck, which left me paralyzed in the chest down, sadly, um, and you know, paralysis can really strip away your identity, if you allow it. But I was determined not to be defined by my disability, which is why I paid particular attention to style. In fact, I retrained as a personal stylist, learning everything about colour and how to dress a seated body type, which I found immensely empowering and it really helped with my self-esteem and self-confidence at the time.
Speaker 1:And I've also had to be quite creative and think outside the box and adapt a lot of my clothing, because there doesn't seem to be a lot of accessible clothing out there for people with disabilities, you see. So, unless you want to kind of wear baggy trousers the entire time, which, ironically, is what I wore when I was at the rehabilitation centre for nearly a year, learning all about wheelchair just wheelchair life, you know, but it doesn't really prepare you for rolling back out into society, and that's when it really hit home, I suppose, and how. You know how style really did help, because people perceive you differently. So it was very important for me that people saw the real Heidi and not just Heidi in the wheelchair, and I'm a great believer that if you look good, you feel good, and that's been my ethos ever since.
Speaker 2:Really, yeah, that's so important. Yeah, because the better you do look, you know, when you make an effort out into the world, the world will respond differently to you. What came with that shift in identity for you?
Speaker 1:Well, as you can imagine, life was hanging upside down on a really thin thread. Everything that I once knew had disappeared. So I really had to start from the bottom up, you know, and I found it very difficult to accept the changes in my body, um, and how it challenged my identity. So, you know, I just um, I guess, over time, realized that you know, beauty isn't about fitting into a mould. It's more about embracing your sense of self and sense of being and what makes you unique to you.
Speaker 1:And you know, prior to my accident, I used to run my own bridal hair and makeup company, specialising in weddings. So I did a lot of makeup, little a lot of hair as well. I didn't want to sort of lose those skills as such, um, and thankfully, you know, these days I can still do my makeup thanks to various different hand operations that I've had that allow me to pick things up, um, not just, you know, makeup brushes, but all sorts of things that give me the independence that I need. So I suppose it's been really a journey of rediscovering my identity in my own time, and that's been quite transformative, yeah, but it has taken time for sure Did it take way more time than you thought.
Speaker 1:I suppose it's just the little wins. You know you do menial tasks every day. You just don't think much of them. And then you look back after maybe a year and then you surprise yourself how far you've come. So I think that's what kept me going and always keeping busy. I think is is it is a wonderful way to, to you know, get over um traumatic experiences, so to speak yeah, and you're, you're a bit of a creative, you know, I would say you're a massive creative.
Speaker 2:When I met you, uh, about a month or so ago, with with greg and john, we were like, oh wow, god, he's so creative, she's so stylish oh, it's fantastic to see and witness your sense of humor as well. Um, and it's just, it just exudes from you and you know, for me, having worked in the marketing industry for 20 plus years, I noticed that, you know, one is always judged on the external before you get to see the heart and the soul of the human being definitely so you know it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know we're always kind of getting judged, and I guess that leads me into my next question. You radiate such confidence and style and it's so great to be able to be around you when you know you are there, or even you can see it on your social media channels, particularly on instagram, on your videos. If you haven't seen them, you've got to see heidi's videos and skits. She's so talented and so funny. But also you've got ones that are sexy and you've got, like, videos that show heart, and I just really love this blend. So I guess you know, like, has that expression evolved over time? That's always obviously been a part of you, but has that evolved, that style and that self-expression?
Speaker 1:I would say definitely, yes. I mean, as mentioned before, you know, a lot of it has been trial and error and figuring out what works and what doesn't work. Um, I think having a sense of humor, like you mentioned before, for me is just so key. I love to surround myself with positive people. I think you know people that lift you up is just so wonderful, and if something doesn't work out for you, then you just try again.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I think my expression has definitely come from sharing the hard times and the good times with really good people, and they just build you up. And just showcasing my life with a disability in the hope to inspire people through Instagram has been really rewarding in that way, because, yeah, I think that's one thing that surprised me the most is the people. Um, they, they look at me and they think that I'm an inspiration, which I think is wonderful, but ultimately, you know, all I've done is survived an accident, um, but their support and their encouragement, um, I find inspiring too. So it's this sort of wonderful cycle of connection and growth, um, and it wasn't something I was anticipating, but something I'm really grateful for. Yeah, amazing.
Speaker 2:So when did you actually start the the channel and sort of producing your like videos? Because they are very entertaining and they're like, very clever as well, and what I love is you just come across just as a real, naturally beautiful human being, and I think that's what I love to see and one of the reasons why I really was so adamant on getting you on this show to just share your heart and soul. So I find you incredibly funny and inspiring at the same time, and I think that that's a great combination for everybody. Quite frankly, no matter where you're at and everybody's got a series of different challenges, but you just exude this sort of hope, even on those tough days. So you know, how long ago did you start creating this, these videos? Uh, to uplift and inspire oh, when did I start?
Speaker 1:I think I probably started about five years ago. I mean, my sister told me to start with the whole Instagram. I started with YouTube actually showcasing my life with a disability, but then, yeah, with the Instagram thing, it was probably about five years ago. I didn't really understand the point of it and afterwards you just find a rhythm and way and it's really good fun, but ultimately you have to be the director, the model, the actress, the editor. So for most of the people out there who do social media, they'll, they'll know and, including yourself, you know how much work really goes into it.
Speaker 2:But it's very rewarding when people really appreciate it so yeah how often do people write into you and ask you for?
Speaker 1:quite a lot. I mean, you know the responses that I get and a lot of the work that I do. They all just find me incredibly uplifting, which is so wonderful. And you know, I've helped people, I've helped women especially. I've helped style them as well when I retrained as a personal stylist. So out of that, um, you know you, you just give back and I find that incredibly rewarding. It's, you know, it's it's just me being silly on Instagram, but actually it is changing people's lives and they tell me that and it's just wow, it's quite yeah, that's quite wonderful yeah, yeah, that's so important.
Speaker 2:I mean, the whole thing is the art of giving back fills us up, even though we have our tank empty for one reason but when we find a way to give back and serve and and uplift, even with whatever talents or skill sets that we have, and yours is clearly in being able to to share travel and and style and makeup and beauty, yeah, I mean that's a gift in itself to be able and I think it's really nice to fill people with hope, because I know how I felt when I first had my accident.
Speaker 1:You feel in despair and you feel like you're the only person having to go through all of that. So you know, I feel that by giving hope to people, it's not, you're not going to be in a dark place for very long. I think for me it's always helped by having a positive mindset. I think that really can change your life. It's quite easy to focus on the negatives, but you know, if you can really change your mindset, that will be your best friend life. It's quite easy to focus on the negatives, but you know, if you can really change your mindset, that will be your best friend, because it's the only thing that can help you drive forward.
Speaker 2:I've got to ask you this question. Then, would you have seen yourself prior to the accident as a positive person?
Speaker 1:I think I've always been quite resilient in certain aspects in my life and I just I can't cope with the pity party. I just am one of these people that I have to be busy, I have to see results and I like just to keep moving forward. I like to laugh and you know shit hits the fan. Apologies, but you just got to keep going with it. And you know, just don't give up hope, because everyone has hard days and that's okay, but there'll be better days that come your way for sure. But you've just got to keep going, keep, keep trying, keep working towards your goal and keep busy yeah, love it.
Speaker 2:So what surprised you most about yourself and what surprised you most about how others have perceived you like on this journey and this chapter in your life?
Speaker 1:I think, most probably what surprised me the most is how strong I've become and how um confident I've become in that sort of way and you know, it's not in spite of my challenges, but most probably because of them and also people's reception. So, as I've mentioned before, where they look at me as an inspiration, that's really surprised me. It's not something that I was anticipating but, as I've mentioned, you know, it's their, their support, and they're always cheering me on to to keep going. I think that's really it's not something I was anticipating and I'm just so grateful for that that I have that um around me. So I think that's what surprised me the most. And do you pick?
Speaker 1:But on the flip side sorry to um interrupt, but on the flip side, you know, you, I have all these wonderful people, but I also think that there's still quite a lot of social anxiety around disability, um, and that's potentially because those people are not used to spending time with someone who's disabled, you know, in any sort of realm, which is fine, um. But I'll give you an example. So if I go into a shop and I'm there with a friend and I'll ask a sales assistant or I don't know, a jumper, rather than them addressing me and and speaking to me directly, they'll respond to the friend my friend next to me and it all becomes slightly awkward. So I'll ask another question oh, do you have this in a size blah blah? And rather than looking at me, they'll still address my friend, and so it can be really infantilizing and just really awkward but, I, I just think it's.
Speaker 1:I don't take offense to it I mean, it happens more often than not even restaurants, bars and things like that. But yeah, it's definitely a certain sort of social anxiety around how to, um, yeah, speak to people that have a disability, which is a bit bit odd.
Speaker 2:But I'm wondering if that's just like people's inability to actually know how to connect with people quite possibly, quite possibly yeah, because I'm always fascinated that the the our ability to connect improves the quality of our relationships.
Speaker 2:And if our relationships are, it's because we're rubbish at connecting. And I'm not saying that if you work in retail, you know you're a poor connector or you're not good at relationships. I'm just saying that I think that what I really appreciate about you is you have an ability to connect with people regardless and you're like going hey, and you're happy to people regardless, and you're like going hey, and you're happy to speak up and you're happy to say I'm still here and you know, and and you present yourself in such a way that is rarely seen and you and I think that that light shows. And you know, you've got an incredibly dry sense of humor as well, which is welcome. So, yeah, I'm always fascinated because I think that if people can't connect with their social anxiety, I just think it's an inability to actually know how to connect with another human heart quite interesting.
Speaker 1:But you know, I do break the ice by with with humor and I sort of always work. Yeah, it always works you know, and so, um, I think I put people at ease and then they start realizing, well, yeah, okay, I can be myself, or but yeah, I know that's an interesting um observation for sure do you have, do you have like a break the ice type of thing that you say often to people?
Speaker 1:Not really, I just you know. At the moment it might just be something tongue in cheek and I don't know, just a bit gifted the gab, I suppose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you've got the gift of the gab. When you check out our Instagram, you're going to see a sense of humor and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about, so make sure you go and check that out. I feel like you've become a really powerful force from what I've seen and what I've noticed checking you online and and having spoken to you, being become a really beautiful, powerful force for educating others um into the awareness of disability. My main question is what's the biggest misconception you've discovered about all of that?
Speaker 1:um, I think the biggest misconception is that when people see people with disability, they automatically think that we are less than that, we can't live fulfilling lives in certain aspects, which couldn't be further from the truth. Um, you know, just because you have a disability, it doesn't change your sense of self, you know. So I just think that, yeah, it's just coming back to the whole pity party. It would be just really nice if people could see the strength that we bring, the joy and, ultimately, all the stories that we bring to the table. Joy and, ultimately, all the stories that we bring to the table. Um, because, you know, once you look behind the curtain, you start realizing that people with disabilities actually do lead fun and fulfilling lives and we're not this, that home, sheltered away, you know, just living really sad lives. It's, it's. Yeah, I think that's a big misconception be further from the truth.
Speaker 2:I mean awards party recently on one of your videos. You know you're, you're, you're out and about, you are busy, um, you're busy empowering and you're busy with the style parts of your life and and you're busy with public speaking. Yeah, I have to ask the question where do you find all the time?
Speaker 1:no, I know that's, it isn't it it's trying to find the time to do all of these things, but you, yeah, I mean you just do, and the more you do, the better you feel about yourself and it's wonderful. I mean I'm doing so many things now that I never thought I would ever do. Possibly, you know, my life has obviously changed in a huge direction, but the people that I meet and the things that I've done since my accident have just been, yeah, really life enriching.
Speaker 2:So you know there's a. There's a lovely thing that the five people you hang around the most Jim Rohn was saying influence you the most. How do you? You know, how do you choose those people? Very wisely.
Speaker 1:That's a very good question, isn't?
Speaker 2:it.
Speaker 1:I've had to choose people when it comes to my PAs. So obviously I have PAs that help me with daily life, and now I employ them privately, which is a godsend, because before I was having carers sent to me willy-nilly through an agency and you know, know, when people are living with you in your home, it's very important that you get on very well with each other. So I've become, I'd say, quite a good judge of character over time to know if, if I'm gonna gel with that person and vice versa, you know. So, um, I look for people that are that just have a good energy and a good can-do attitude about them, you know, and people that love adventure, and that people who are up for facilitating living that adventure with me.
Speaker 1:Um, and I've met some really beautiful people over the years and they've become really good friends. They've become, you know, like part of the furniture. And then, obviously, you know, care work isn't forever, and then they have to leave and it's so sad, but then you start reinventing the wheel and having other people join the team, and so the cycle keeps going because I'm going to have to have care for the rest of my life. Um, but I do have to choose wisely on who you are having a business.
Speaker 2:It's exactly like having yeah, I guess the right team. Yes, and heidi's got the vision and you know like some people stay, some people go um, but ultimately your vision is to keep you know, sharing your message of empowerment and hope, and definitely don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1:I mean, I've had like I think I mentioned you I don't know if I did mention to you before but I've had some dreadful carers. You know, one day I'd really like to write a book and some of the crazy stories that I've had with these crazy carers called Careless, which I think would be quite quite an interesting one. But yeah, you can laugh about it now, but at the time it can be pretty daunting sure but yeah so this is interesting.
Speaker 2:So I love this topic of relationships because we we have to go through the yin and yang of relationships, but you know, how has your part played in building relationships number one and into love and romance and sex and your own state of well-being, because life doesn't stop when you hit a wheelchair. There's more that's going on. So how has your life evolved and changed? And you know, tell us a little bit about how relationships have evolved, because I think this is the part that most people do not understand, that I think that you're an absolute beacon for. So, yeah, if you could tell us a little bit about your sort of experiences with relationships and love and romance and sex and all these times are things, so that people have a clarity and an understanding for sure.
Speaker 1:I mean, look, it's been a long journey and I'll try and keep it short, but when it comes to everybody's, love life can be a long yeah, um, sex and disability and all of those things.
Speaker 1:I think that, again, it's another misconception that people assume that people with disabilities can't have intimate, um or fulfilling relationships. Just because you have a disability, it doesn't change your sexuality and it certainly doesn't change your desire to want to meet people in that regard. Um, I mean, at the time of my accident, I was together with my long-term partner of 14 years and, um, you know, despite this huge life changing accident, it didn't really move the dial on our sexual relationship. We just, you know, we were quite imaginative. We were also very curious about trying all these other sexual aids that are out there that help facilitate people with disabilities, one of them being this swing which we have bolted above our bed.
Speaker 1:I mean, getting me into this thing was ridiculous. I think it was more funny time than sexy time, um, but you know, and there's also something called a wedge, which is a really large piece of foam and it helps support people with, um, limited upper body strength and things like that. But then, obviously, then you've got the good old-fashioned way of enjoying um, and you know, I mean I remember the first time making out with my partner, uh, after the accident, and as lovely as it was, I just couldn't help but feel a tremendous amount of emotion, I suppose loss um of who I once was and how I could participate and move and seduce in a certain way, and instead I became very aware of my paralyzed body. It all became very consuming, but over time it just got better and I became a lot more confident. And even though our relationship didn't work out, I'm really glad that we explored those things together because it gave me the confidence to move forward. And then, of course, internet dating.
Speaker 1:I mean Internet dating at the best times is hard, but throw a disability in the mix and sometimes it can seem completely impossible, because I think a lot of the time Guys just see the chair and they don't see the person sitting in it. Um, but you know, I had a mixed reception older, younger men and I just feel that the older men are slightly more empathetic towards the situation. But you know, having some of these messages, messages that I've received, have just been pretty blunt. Let's say that, you know, rather than introducing themselves, they'll say um, can you have sex? When was the last time you had sex? I'm assuming you have it in a wheelchair, or, yeah, you're quite nice looking for someone who's disabled, or what's the other one. Do you get out much? What do you do all day? So you know, thankfully I'm, I'm, I've got, I mean, I, I can take them and I can laugh them off with friends, but you do become quite despondent sure until you know, life surprises you.
Speaker 1:and then you're kind of doing your thing, thinking, oh, I don't need a guy, it's absolutely fine, and um, and then you meet someone and yeah mean, I was never particularly looking for love, I've just been looking for companionship, someone to hang out with and share the good times with.
Speaker 1:But then I met someone recently and, yeah, I mean we have a lot in common, but in the sense that he's also had a life changing accident which left him partially paralyzed on one side of his body, but he's learned to master the art of walking confidently with a crutch and, um, yeah, he's got one of the sexiest limps I've seen. So we have great chemistry and it's interesting because I never thought about dating someone else with a disability. But it just goes to show that, despite the challenges we face, um, we can still create our own, yeah, sweet little love story.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that's it in a nutshell and that's lovely, because it's a sort of creating your own little bit of heaven and you can both be empathetic to each other's needs even more so absolutely, and I think that's such a huge part in in a relationship, regardless whether you're able-bodied or not.
Speaker 2:It's just I'm trying to understand one another. It's enough being male and female, but to actually have something in common, um, it's quite beautiful and I think you, you guys do that really, really well. Yeah, those who don't know. She's dating one of my best friends, so they are brilliant. They're both one of the funniest people I've met.
Speaker 2:So I love the way that life doesn't hold you back and it allows you to keep springboarding forward despite any challenges that have presented themselves, despite any challenges that have presented themselves. So I guess my next question is in facing these challenges, do you feel that you've evolved more as a human being? Do you feel that you've become an even better version of yourself post-accident? I know that's a really tough question to ask, but it's quite a bit of a soul-searching question to a certain extent, because it might give people like an idea to really think that sometimes challenges, even though we don't like them, can can bring them with them a gift definitely, I think I've learned the beauty of patience and also kindness, um, I I feel like I've become, as mentioned before, a lot of a stronger person.
Speaker 1:I've developed a certain wisdom, um, and, yeah, resilience, because when your back's against the wall, you know you've got three options you can either let it destroy you, let it define you, or you can let it strengthen you, and I've really decided to go with the latter and take it by the horns and friggin, just make the most out of my life, and I do, in a funny way, feel that I am a better person than I was before, because you take so many things for granted yeah um, so I'm in a really happy place, so yeah.
Speaker 2:That's inspiring in itself and I know that, having met you, I see that all about you. I'm like. I see this confidence radiating, I see this glow, I see this cheerfulness and that's like you know. You see people walking down the street and they don't even have that. So to see Heidi doing that is, I think, an absolute inspiration, which is why she's this week's super soul model. Heidi, it's been an absolute joy speaking with you. It's been enlightening to listen and hear some of the conceptions and misconceptions that people have. I guess, just as a closing comment, what do you think if you were to share a message that you'd like people to know most, that would really help inspiring them if they were facing any challenges of their own.
Speaker 1:I think you know, for those facing challenges it's tough and there's no right way of navigating dark times. But, um, I think, as mentioned before, always have or try to have a good, a good mindset, because it really will be your best friend to help you go forward. I think, appreciate the small wins, because over time you know you can look back and just be proud of how far you've come. I think it's important to spend your time with people that can really lift you up, and I think it's okay to ask for help. It's not a weakness, it's actually a strength. And, most importantly, I think, just enjoy the little things in life. If that's reading a few chapters of your favorite book, even though you should be doing something else, do it. If it means going for a coffee with your friend, do it. Go outside. I think nature is very, very important. Having fresh air, um, and just yeah, just really enjoying the little things I think is really important and for and for the ladies who might be listening, I think this is really quite a question.
Speaker 2:Where do you get your style ideas from? And then how do you sort of source your, your clothing, because you've got a fantastic wardrobe? Uh, you pick your colors wisely, because I know you've studied color. Um, yeah, so how do you source all your clothing? And? And how do you go about doing that? Do you have a different way, or do you have personal shoppers, or how does it work for you?
Speaker 1:well, um, you know, retraining as a personal stylist, it really opened your eyes. I mean, I had to give away about 70% of my wardrobe because apparently I was wearing the wrong color. So color is such a powerful tool because people respond to you in different ways when you're wearing a certain color.
Speaker 1:Uh, it helps with your you know glow, with your skin tone and also finding styles that suit your body shape, I think is really important, um, so you know, there's lots of stuff on google there that you can research and it really does, uh, make a really big difference. And just find your inspiration through travel and see what works for you in that kind of entity you know, and take note of what other people are wearing. But I mean, I I think it's all about what you um feel confident in the most. I do a lot of my shopping actually. I love pre-love shopping. I love going into boutique charity stores, and what's nice about that is you don't have to have a shopping list. It's like a treasure. You never know what you're going to get. But as long as you know what colors suit you, then you can literally bypass all the colors that don't, and it makes shopping so much quicker and a hell of a lot more fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, excellent Heidi. It's been a real joy speaking with you and, for those that want to reach you, have you got a website or where do people find you and get to listen to all your stories and you can maybe um, have a dabble on uh Instagram, you'll.
Speaker 1:You'll find me there doing goofing around, doing my thing, most probably fantastic heidi.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. Heidi herkus is this week's super soul model. Thank you very much, heidi thank you.