The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series

Peace Begins Where Control Ends

• James Granstrom

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What if the secret to peace wasn't in doing more, fixing more, or controlling more—but in letting go?

In this soulful episode, we explore the liberating power of surrender and the radical shift that happens when we release the need to manage every outcome and emotion.

Drawing on the empowering ideas of Abraham Hicks and Mel Robbins, I unpack why trying to control others or "get it right" is often a mask for deeper fears—and how letting things (and people) be exactly as they are could be the most powerful step toward freedom.

You'll hear a personal story from the London Underground that changed the way I see judgment forever, and we’ll explore how becoming a thermostat (not a thermometer) in life allows you to create emotional alignment regardless of circumstance.

✨ Expect soulful insights, a practical technique to transform your relationships, and one simple question that can turn tension into trust.

This week’s invitation: Practice letting life be—messy, magical, and completely out of your hands—and notice what unfolds when you do.

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Speaker 1:

Hello, this is James, and you're listening to the James Granstrom podcast, super Soul Model Series. What if I told you that the piece that you're chasing isn't found in controlling everyone and everything, but found in doing something completely different, something very radical? In this episode, what we're going to do is we're going to explore the powerful freedom that comes from a really simple technique that you can offer that will stop you from blocking the blessings in your life, blocking the miracles, blocking the flow of life, and I know that this really works because I've tried it on myself so many times and I've noticed how my life has improved significantly just because of releasing the need and letting it be, as the Beatles would say. And whilst I've done other episodes, like interviewing Cute Blackson on the Magic and Power of Surrender, and I did another episode on acceptance, this episode is going to give you a technique that's slightly based on something from Abraham Hicks, which is not needing to convince people of everything, and Mel Robbins, who has recently written a book called the Let them Theory, and I'm infusing these two ideas and wanting to give you a really simple recipe that you can apply every single day, in every moment where you feel like you're trying to control Because in reality, like you're trying to control, because in reality, when we're trying to control something, it's because there's a deeper feeling of insecurity within us and usually it stems from a childhood, because we don't want to feel embarrassed if that person behaves that way and they're our family member, so we try and control them.

Speaker 1:

We can try and control our mothers if they start to get out of hand, or your parents if they start to get out of hand, or you try and talk differently to make them look better than they are. So the real reason we try to control things and people and events is to stop us feeling those really lower emotions, and those lower emotions take our vibration right down and they're things such as shame and guilt and embarrassment and all of those type of lower emotions. So one way we free ourselves up from that is to actually let things be and let people be. And whilst this idea seems really simple which it is it's a radical change on perhaps what you've been doing, which is trying to control everybody and everything. I know I've been trying to control my mother not to behave in certain ways. It has been embarrassing my entire life because my mother was really outgoing the whole time and we're like, oh, please, don't make so much noise. But I actually found that when I just let her be as she was and I just accepted that that's how she was, I stopped pushing against that energy of feeling embarrassed and I started to feel freer, I started to have more energy, I started to accept that's just the way she is and that's the way she likes to behave, and while she's quiet and down these days, it's really funny if you can look into your own experiences. Who in your family or your friendships have you been trying to control and let them be? We're going to find greater peace and greater energy, but, more importantly, you're going to find a lot more clarity.

Speaker 1:

So there's a moment in life that happens when you stop trying to prove, you stop trying to fix and you stop trying to convince people of anything, and that is a freedom and a power that comes from that. And so, wherever you are on your journey, how important is it for you to prove yourself, your worthiness to the world? Because usually, when you're trying to prove yourself desperately to the world, it's because you don't feel good enough inside. Trying to prove yourself desperately to the world is because you don't feel good enough inside and, whilst it's really really good to feel recognized and feel successful and happy and proud of yourself, the desperate need to prove and convince people of something that you know now that's actually holding you back, that's actually blocking your blessings. Because when you're trying to convince someone of something, usually that happens in a debate, if you see it. Because when you're trying to convince someone of something, usually that happens in a debate, if you see it, in parliament, you've seen people fight it out in those debates and they try to beat each other, or at elections in one way or another. Just trying to convince people of something is such a heavy amount of resistant energy and it's usually the one that believes more is the one that wins, but it doesn't mean that they don't hold a significant amount of resistance in their energy. So you start to feel lighter, freer, happier, more peaceful when you let people be and you let things be. All we're going to do in this episode is be really, really clear about how you can apply this wisdom so that you feel lighter and free when challenges appear, because they're going to appear and they're going to appear every day and if you can just apply this wisdom, you're going to feel so much better, and I've witnessed it in my own life. I've watched my clients have their own experiences and feel so much better when they've just let things be, even if they've been desperate to try and control them. Don't believe me, get your own experience and apply the wisdom that is imbued in this episode that I'm going to share with you so that you can feel so much better.

Speaker 1:

A story of mine that takes me back to applying this letting it be and letting them be reminds me of my childhood, because I remember I used to fight so much with my sibling, and now we get on and it's absolutely amazing. But when I cast my mind back to that, it was very, very difficult because we were at tenterhooks against one another. We were like locking horns the entire time. It it's a typical sibling rivalry, and the world is made better off when one person chooses peace versus the other. And in my case, I just didn't like that feeling that I had every single day of trying to fight. And when I just went, do you know what? I'm just going to just let them be. I'm just going to accept them for who they are. I'm just going to love them as they are, not as I want them to be. That's when things changed, and so when I applied that, I applied it to so many other things. Like other family members, I'm just going to love them as they are not as I wish them to be. So with that, I just began to apply that to literally everything, and it's such a nice reminder not only to share this episode, but to think do you know what? I've got to apply this to more things?

Speaker 1:

I love this quote by Abraham Hicks because it really sums it up your job is not to micromanage the universe. Your job is to stop pushing against what's currently happening, or stop pushing against the current, if we're looking at it like, energy is a river, so you can just allow it to flow. This is a really beautiful analogy, but is it practical? And you've got to just remember this? Control is a form of fear, and when we're trying to control others or control circumstances, what we're actually trying to do is we're trying to feel safe, and we'll do anything we can to feel safe, and particularly when there's challenges that are way out of your control, your job is to try and feel safe, and that's a natural thing.

Speaker 1:

However, if you're trying to manipulate people to behaving a certain way, so that you can get something that's a form of fear underneath there, because deep down inside you have a scar or a trauma that's unresolved, which is I can't trust life yet. And that is where this beautiful wisdom comes in, which is, if you can let things be, and you can let them be, then life will bring you something even more beautiful, because as soon as you can accept what's happening, you start to diffuse the resistance that's already there. So ask yourself this just as a little bit of a reflection who or what are you trying to change right now, and what do you think will happen if you stop? Just pause and reflect on that, because if you stop, does that mean you stopped your ability to manage the situation, yes or no? This is really powerful because if we can just let it be, what will happen on the other end of that? Or if we only just stay completely locked in? And they need to change, not us, but that's not how life works. Life doesn't work better. Only when they change will I feel better. Life changes when I look at it differently and I feel better. Then things begin to change. You can't change the mirror. You've got to change and shift the version of yourself looking at the mirror. Letting go doesn't mean you've lost control or stopped caring. It just means that you're going to trust a larger force, greater than your own, is taking care of it.

Speaker 1:

I want to share a story about something that rattled me several years ago when I was in the underground late at night, and it was the first call of understanding. When you're projecting energy on other people and it's negative and it's a wonderful feedback to go I'm not letting that person be as they are. I'm not loving them as they are either. What late one night was in the underground. I was walking up the escalators and I saw a guy just a homeless guy with his dog, and they were both in really poor condition. The dog didn't look well and nor did he, and I remember looking and projecting you know negativity on that person, thinking oh, I can't believe you've got your life in that type of state. And he shouted at me in this echo that I'll never forget, because it just reminded me to become more aware of my own thinking, of what I was doing, and he said don't pity me. Don't pity me.

Speaker 1:

And whilst this is a positive podcast and whilst this is always trying to show you how you can find greater peace and wellness. You have to remember that projecting what you think is right on somebody isn't necessarily correct, because projection is a form of what you think life should be rather than what somebody else, and we never can truly connect with who we are if we're judging other people. So to be free from judgment actually keeps your vibration high, actually keeps you starting to see more green lights in your life, helps you sleep better. But if you're constantly judging or trying to manipulate or control other people to behave and be a certain way, only when they behave a certain way or be a certain way will I feel better, because when I look at them then I can feel better. But that's not how life works. Life has got a plethora of colors, both bright and dark, and ultimately we have to recognize that we are the full spectrum. But it's up to us how we choose to focus, and that focus is truly dependent on our awareness and our consciousness.

Speaker 1:

So if you really want your life to be better, omit the judgment from your day to day life as much as you possibly can, but try and give yourself an afternoon of not judging anybody or anything and see how you get on and if you do well, do a day, and if you can do well, do two days. But every time you're judging somebody for not being better than what they're currently doing or not behaving in a certain way or have not figured out life yet, and where you may have, what you're actually doing is not helping them and what you're doing is not helping yourself. And when you're trying to convince the world to be different than it is, then ultimately you lose your power and you lose your center. So letting go doesn't mean you stop caring, and non-judgment doesn't mean you stop caring. In fact, if anything, it means you really care and it just means that you're just not trying to control every outcome and wanting life to be absolutely perfect the whole time, because life isn't perfect.

Speaker 1:

And if you're listening to this, you would recognize that your life has shown you many difficulties and adversities, some of which you manage well and some perhaps that you're still learning how to manage. So if you can let people be as they are and love them as they are, even if that's really hard, that's the first sign that you're on the road to personal peace, because world peace can't exist without personal peace first. And if you get a few people taking care of their own personal welfare, their own personal peace, that creates this beautiful ripple effect across the planet. That's what this whole episode and show is all about. Also, when you're trying to get other people to change and behave differently so that you don't feel bad, so you don't feel guilt or shame or embarrassed or any of those lower emotions, what you're actually doing is not addressing your own internal work.

Speaker 1:

So when I cast my mind back to that projection of negativity on the homeless guy with his dog, what I recognized is that I wasn't really paying attention to my internal compass. I hadn't paid attention that I needed to look at life through a more peaceful lens. I was a bit too high and mighty thinking, oh yeah, I figured certain things out, but actually that wasn't true at that time. And it takes sometimes a very difficult episode for you to really find personal peace. So when you can let people be just remember people are mirrors you know the way you feel will be responded back to you. So if something challenging happens to you, can you just let that be as it is? And if you can't, then you have to look at yourself. The higher frequency you become as a human being. The more peace you feel, the more powerful you feel is because you're not reacting, you are responding. This is way more powerful. Sometimes it's great to have a lot of silence before answering something.

Speaker 1:

If you've been challenged, I sometimes love to sleep on things before I actually get back to somebody. If I've been challenged with a conversation or I'm really thinking about it, I allow space in my heart and mind to really be present so I can think about responding with a sense of integrity and a sense of self-respect as well. But if you're knee-jerk reacting, what you're actually doing is you're just blasting back negative energy that may have come to you. So the concept here is be a thermostat, not a thermometer, and when you're a thermostat you're setting the tone. But when you're a thermometer, you're just reacting to the heat that might come at you. So be that thermostat and just set that current tone and set that tone of peace, set that tone of well-being wherever you go. And one of the things I love to do is particularly when it's really difficult is even if someone's challenged you or you've been let go from something, from a job, and you really wanted that job, but you got let go and you're furious with your boss because they mistreated you.

Speaker 1:

Instead of being a victim, play the card. I can just let that be as it is, because if I can let that be, maybe I'm made for something even better. Maybe there's something way better down the road that I can't yet see. This builds trust in your life, and trust is really the undercurrent of this entire system of wisdom of letting it be and letting people be. And building trust takes time because there's this universal force working for you which is taking care of everything for us on planet earth. But if you're not trusting how life is unfolding and it's got you this far, then how Are you going to be able to live your dream life and manifest your best life if you can't trust that life isn't always a straight road?

Speaker 1:

The next time you're triggered, just ask this what if I could just let them be as they are? What if I could just let this situation be as it is Imperfect, not great, messy. But what if I could just let it be? You know, years ago I had a car crash and I walked away pretty much unscathed and I'd left a real mess behind, but fortunately no one had died. But you know, a lot of people could have been in critical condition, including myself and my friend, but we were okay and I remember looking at the situation totally imperfect, totally messy.

Speaker 1:

There was one bit of wisdom that came from all that mess, which is what if I could just accept this mess as it is? And if I could just accept this mess as it is and let it unfold? What if something great happens as a result? And I remember my young mind thinking that and that's what led me to a journey of spiritual awakening, and sometimes it takes really critical conditions for us to awaken out of the suffering of victimhood. And if you're feeling like a victim right now, if you're feeling like you're replaying stories of victimhood, you've got to stop that and just replace that story with. You know what if this is setting me up for something better? What if I could just allow people to be in these circumstances, to be and trust that something better will unfold? But again, you have to have your own experience to really understand and appreciate the power of letting people be and letting things be and trusting something better will replace, because only insecurity is the main culprit here and it's your insecurity that you have to eventually let go of, to turn it into trust. So letting life be just means trusting the unfoldment, that life has got this for you, that that the universe has got your back. You don't have to like what circumstances show up, but you can learn from them. That's really powerful.

Speaker 1:

You know, I've always said that all the crap in life, all the manure, is like fertilizer for the roses. It's like fertilizer for something so much better coming forward at perhaps a later date, a future now that you'll walk into. You know, life is always conspiring in your favor, but it won't conspire in your favor if you've only got a negative outlook. And even if you've got a negative outlook, it's still trying to help you. And it's only when you change the way you look at things that things that you look at begin to change.

Speaker 1:

This max plank said that in quantum physics and I love that because it's just basically like saying when you change the way you look at yourself in the mirror, the mirror just reflects back who you are. And if you're appreciating yourself, then that's what the mirror is going to reflect back. And if you're appreciating and accepting and loving other people as they are, not as you wish them to be, now there's a freedom. That's the mirror reflecting back from life. There's a deep intelligence in this surrender and when you let go, you don't actually fall, you float, and I love that because you're not sinking with heavy resistance, which usually what happens, and you can't see green lights when there's lots of resistance.

Speaker 1:

I've noticed this time and time again in my experience. I sometimes think of myself as I'm the guy who's made pretty much most of the mistakes and even though I'm not proud of the mistakes I've made, at least they've shown me a different path, because I've been on a journey for myself to be able to really understand life. And if you can really understand life, you recognize that it's you kind of running the show and it's all dependent about your perspective and the way you feel on a moment-to-moment basis. So this week I'm going to give you a little exercise. Ask yourself when a challenge presents itself, can you let that circumstance be as it is imperfect, perhaps frustrating, perhaps challenging but just watch the peace you feel. If you can just let that be and let them be. Just notice, just witness in your body the emotions that come up, because if you start to feel lighter, then you'll notice this process is actually working.

Speaker 1:

And I love this little mantra that you can always use. What if everything is always working out for me, no matter how it seems? This actually starts to build trust in your system, in your nervous system. This was something I went to straight away, because if you don't feel that things are working out for you or that things aren't working in your nervous system, this was something I went to straight away, because if you don't feel that things are working out for you or that things aren't working in your favor, then you've got to ask the question well, what, what if it could? Because this actually changes the dynamic. The amount of times that I've been driving to a destination and I've just said to myself, well, wouldn't it be nice? Or what if I had a really smooth journey and there were green lights the whole way, the amount of times I have seen green lights the entire way, has helped me build this form of trust with myself and life in the external world. It's amazing to witness in your own experience and awareness where you're going. Actually, life is trying to help me and if I can let go and let people be, and I can trust that things are working out in my favor, I'm going to build this amazing relationship and I recognize that when there's a time to actually surrender to challenges and let life come versus do something about it.

Speaker 1:

And this is a proactive approach of working in harmony. You have to have both the yin and yang of life. Sometimes the yin of life is to surrender to the moment and let people be, and sometimes the yang of life is to go after it. Remember this letting go doesn't mean you've lost. It just means you're surrendering to certain outcomes being the way you wish them to be rather than the way they perhaps are. Letting go doesn't mean you lost. It just means you're free from resistance and pain. And remember this you can't help heal people by carrying their baggage. You just have to let them be as well.

Speaker 1:

And the most powerful energy is just applying stillness in your life, because stillness breeds more peace and to enjoy life at a greater level, happiness comes when you're feeling greater peace with inside. So take some of these ideas today, apply them, use them in your week and notice when challenges arise, which they will. Can you let them be? Can you let people be? Can you let that circumstance be, even though it's causing you some sort of pain?

Speaker 1:

But if you can let that be totally imperfect, then notice the freedom that comes on the other end of it might not come immediately, but it will come, because surrendering is just releasing resistance, and when you release resistance, your energy rises. And when your energy rises, you see more resistance. And when you release resistance, your energy rises. And when your energy rises, you see more green lights. And when you see more green lights, you know that you're in a wonderful place for attracting and manifesting your best life. Thanks for watching. I hope you've enjoyed the episode and, if you've liked it, please share it with someone who you think will really benefit, because sharing this message allows people to increase their own energy, their own vitality, increase their own peace and manifest their best life. Until the next time, I wish you a wonderful week ahead and green lights all the way.