The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series
Have you been questioning how to live your dreams and enjoy greater happiness, health, and wellbeing? I'm James Granstrom, male model turned international speaker and wellbeing teacher. Join me every other week for new lessons, tips, and conversations on personal growth, health, healing and spirituality with my inspiring guests or straight talk from myself. I'm here to guide you to become your best self and enrich your life, so you can tune and tap into your own natural state of wellbeing.
The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series
Style, Self-Respect & the Rise of the Modern Gentleman – with James Lawley (Gent Z)
What does it mean to be a gentleman in today's world? James Lawley, known to his followers as Gen Z, is answering this question for a new generation of men seeking purpose, confidence, and direction.
At just 27, James has turned his passion for classic style and values into a movement, reaching nearly 30 million views on YouTube and building a community of over 350,000 followers. But his journey didn't begin with silver spoons or boarding school etiquette lessons. Raised in a working-class family that valued hard work over refinement, James's transformation into a modern gentleman was actually an act of rebellion against the humdrum of everyday life.
What makes James's perspective so refreshing is his honesty about his own evolution. Before he became the polished figure we see today, he spent his teenage years as a gothic heavy metal musician with long black hair and eyeliner – an image so striking it once scared a woman on the London Underground! This dramatic transformation underscores his core philosophy: confidence comes from fully committing to how you want to present yourself to the world.
Through his accountability program, James helps men develop discipline, confidence, and purpose. He reveals that many men struggle with the same issues: social confidence, establishing healthy habits, and creating a clear vision for their lives. His approach combines practical tools like daily journaling and accountability partnerships with deeper work on self-respect and believing you deserve the life you envision.
The conversation explores how external presentation affects internal confidence, why having a clear vision makes saying "no" easier, and how small, consistent actions create momentum toward becoming your best self. James shares his own non-negotiables – no video games, no social media doom-scrolling – alongside practical wisdom about replacing nightlife with daytime activities and choosing discipline over temporary pleasures.
Ready to rediscover classic values and develop greater self-respect? Listen now and learn how small changes in presentation and habits can transform your confidence, relationships, and life direction. As James reminds us, "The life that I want requires unusual actions" – what actions might you need to take?
while I do believe that the foundation of pretty much everything that we've spoken about is a a sense of self-respect, right finding a way that you do feel like, you deserve to dress well, you deserve to have these healthy habits, you deserve to live the life that's in your vision you've previously had like any unusual styles in the past? Yeah, you know, I have, I think, james.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to the James Granstrom podcast super soul model series. This week we are very blessed to have James Lawley, aka Gen Z. James is a British American creator, inspiring a new generation of men to rediscover classic values in the style and etiquette and self-respect. At just 27, he's reached nearly 30 million views on YouTube and built a loyal following of over 350,000 on Insta and TikTok, drawing inspiration from icons like Cary Grant, gregory Peck. James doesn't just talk about being a gentleman, he lives it. He's a role model. Through his accountability program and thriving online community, he helps men cultivate discipline, confidence and purpose in a world that often lacks direction. So I'm absolutely thrilled to have this week's guest, james Lawley. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1:James Lawley. Thank you very much, james. Great to be here, james.
Speaker 2:Lawley. So, james, you talk about being a gentleman and you're actually bringing back something that we all have been shown over many decades and eons. That seems to be a bit lost in translation in some departments. What made you actually come to this platform and help so many men that you're doing right now?
Speaker 1:That's a good question that you're doing right now. That's a good question. So I think it really started from being a consumer of content myself. In my teens and 20s I definitely spent a lot of time on YouTube looking for guidance, looking for role models, and there was some great guidance out there.
Speaker 1:I would say, if you're familiar with some of the YouTubers in the men's space, like Alpha M, real Men, real Style, those real old school people that kind of pioneered the space, but there really wasn't anybody that was my age that was talking about the things that interested me and there wasn't anybody that was really making it kind of relatable or translatable to the way that a regular 20-year-old guy, a 30-year-old guy, would live his life. At the same time, when I started, we kind of had the rise of people like Andrew Tate, fresh and fit, that were having a massive influence on young men, but I saw it as a negative influence overall. So I just wanted to create something that was more the voice of reason, something that had some taste to it, something that was honestly just the channel that I wanted to watch, the content that I wanted to watch, and I honestly didn't really expect that 10 minute videos of a British soft-spoken man discussing clothing and etiquette would really be that popular, you know. But here we are, nearly two years later.
Speaker 2:That's a fantastic story. I guess my main question is, whilst that inspired you to watch and create content that you actually wanted to see, what actually drove you to become that person in the first place? Did you have any unusual upbringing that made you think? Oh, I think being a gentleman is really important, Because I love to see different stories of how we sort of wear the shoes and wear the tie and wear the jacket. What inspires us to become that person?
Speaker 1:I think my upbringing was different to what most people would expect. Most people might expect the boarding school, the dad who was in the army, things like that. That wasn't really the case. My upbringing was quite ordinary in a sense of my parents were very working class, had done all right for themselves. You know, we had a nice middle class kind of comfortable lifestyle. But my dad doesn't dress like this.
Speaker 1:My dad didn't teach me necessarily about holding doors open for women and things like that. He was more just focused on hard work, um, being the best version of yourself, obviously providing for the family. That was very important to him. I think a lot of the more refined types of stuff he would have considered not as important. So it wasn't really my upbringing that inspired that. If anything, I'd say maybe it was a bit of a rebellion actually, because I kind of felt like things can be quite humdrum in life, right, if you just wear the same t-shirt every day, if you date or your romantic life is missing that kind of spark, that effort, um, if your work just feels like going through the motions, the way you interact with people is kind of bland to me. I was always looking to add more of an artistic kind of edge and really live my life in more of a more like it was a movie right or romanticize life. So I think that the style and yeah, mostly the style was really my gateway to everything else.
Speaker 2:Um, so have you ever previously had like any unusual styles in the past?
Speaker 1:yeah, you know, I have.
Speaker 2:I think, james, when you ask me so I'm alluding to that because a lot of people won't know, you know, and they see this young distinguished gent and you know he's. You know very well put together, james. You're very well spoken, very well put together. You know you pause and you're poignant and you're articulate. But you know there has to be a point where you're a self-made man, where you've shaped this character, you've shaped this attitude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, going back to the artistic side of things, I would say the first way that expressed itself was with a different type of presentation, because I'm a musician, I've always been a musician and when I was in my teenage years that meant having a more like gothic kind of dark presentation, because I was in a heavy metal band. I loved playing that kind of music and I had the image to go with it. So I had long black hair, eyeliner, I looked like I hadn't seen the sun in 200 years and I just really went for that kind of image and that style. I'd say the way that I spoke and the way that I conducted myself was still quite similar to how it is now, but in terms of the visual presentation it was completely different. I mean to put it into context of how extreme it was.
Speaker 1:I remember once I was on the tube going up the escalators and a woman it was an angel tube station, if you know that tube station, you know it's very, very long escalators and a woman was stood in front of me and she just turns behind her and she goes, ah, and when she sees me I mean that's how um, that's how Gothic the appearance was, how dark it was. So there was definitely a big difference between the way that other people perceived me and treated me back then to how it is now question, because this is really interesting for the listeners was that a part of a rebellious expression at that time?
Speaker 2:because you mentioned that also, being a gentleman and what you're wearing right now is a kind of rebellious expression yeah, I mean, it definitely wasn't something that I was nurtured into or pushed into.
Speaker 1:So I think quite possibly I'd say that it was also like a confidence thing of if you're going to enjoy playing a certain type of music, you're going to have career ambitions as a musician. It's like let's go all in, you know, let's actually, let's wear the clothing, let's create, create a style and not be afraid to cultivate that image as well. I'd say that's one of the common threads between them is if you're going to do something, you may as well do it with full confidence and not be afraid to present yourself how you want to.
Speaker 2:I love that. I love to tell this story about harrison ford because when he first uh was starring as indiana jones in raiders of the lost ark and all the rest of the movies that they made, he said he actually never felt like indiana jones until he put the hat on, until he put the jacket on, until he held the whip, it was said. He said I just didn't feel like indie, I just didn't feel like it. But it was only when I wore the clothes that I actually felt like the character. So I really appreciate your, you know your story.
Speaker 1:If you're going to be in the heavy metal band, look like it and if you're going to be a gent, dress like it yes, and when it comes to the confidence confidence is a big thing that I talk about I tend to experience this in the reverse now of if there is an occasion when I, let's say, I'm running to the grocery store, post office, I'm not looking particularly good, I feel the negative effects of that, I notice.
Speaker 1:Hmm, I don't feel as excited to strike up a conversation If I see a beautiful woman. I don't feel, as you know, hmm, hmm, I don't feel as excited to strike up a conversation if I see a beautiful woman. I don't feel, as you know, I don't feel like I've got my mojo working quite as much, whereas when I'm, it doesn't have to be dressed up, it doesn't have to be suit and tie, doesn't have to be jacket and tie, like I'm doing now, just a nice linen shirt, like what you're wearing, nice pair of trousers, pair of shoes, you've had a shave, your hair is styled, that's all you really need to make you feel good. But that is the suit of armor, in the same way that Indiana Jones has his costume. We all have a kind of costume. We are all wearing masks and the way that we dress will always change the way that we feel. I think everybody knows that.
Speaker 2:But I really like that because I took this idea on myself even a few years ago. I'm not going to actually go out unless I feel like I'm well presented, because with the clients that I work with, you just never know who you might end up seeing. So I always want to be presented, because I work with private families and and high net worth clients, so I always want to be ready whatever happens. That's not going to say I'm not going to have an off day, but I'm going to still present myself in that way. And I've noticed just on a lot of your videos and your content you talk about this and where is it that people kind of let that go? Why do they not see the simplicity?
Speaker 1:of it. I don't think it's the default anymore. If you go back to 50s, 40s, 30s I'm sure we've all seen photos of our grandpa, you know, wearing a suit on the beach. So people took it to that extreme of it was like if I'm not wearing a suit and tie, I'm not dressed um. And it's definitely been slowly eroded today. I think the most extreme example when you see this is at the airport right especially if it's a long call flight.
Speaker 2:Just at the airport the other day and we were just thinking why? Why are people so sloppy in their presentation?
Speaker 1:yeah, I think that people have lost this separation between at home, comfort me and outside presenting to the world me. You'll see people in cafes just wearing sweatpants, lounging around, kind of like they're at home. So I think it's a personal pride thing, but I think that it's just become the default now of, as you become an adult whether you're my generation or you're a millennial or even older it's not expected necessarily that you would make any effort with your appearance, especially for men. I think women still take more pleasure from the way they look and enjoy wearing makeup and clothes, but I would say that's being eroded as well, especially with younger generations, increasingly. I just see more and more women wearing sweatpants in public. Jeans, no makeup, very just, low effort presentation.
Speaker 2:So, james, right now you're based in Chicago, is that correct? Yeah, so in Chicago how do people dress in comparison with Europe? Because you're half English, half American, so you have this wonderful infusion of two different cultures. It's an interesting perspective.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's funny because I think a lot of Americans that I talk to don't realize the huge difference between British, english and European. You know they're thinking Spain, italy, france. The way people dress there, I'd say it's quite different from the UK as well. The US is so split right. We've got so many different cultures happening here In Chicago it's definitely more dressed up than it was when I lived in LA.
Speaker 1:In Chicago we have an area called Gold Coast. For a long time that was the second wealthiest neighborhood in the whole country behind the Lower East Side in Manhattan. So that is an area where I like to hang out and you will see men in the bars wearing sport coats, wearing nice shirts, wearing nice shoes. And then you've got different neighborhoods where perhaps it's more tech focused. You see the typical tech bro finance bro with the vest, with the trainers, and then you've got hipster type neighborhoods as well. So it really is a huge melting pot of styles.
Speaker 1:I would say that Chicago we're in the Midwest still so people do dress a little bit more. I don't want to say conservative, but I wouldn't say there's a huge flair for fashion. In the same way that if you're in New York you'll see people dress kind of outrageously or dress like they just stepped off the runway. In LA. You'll see the same thing as well In Chicago. It is more by the book in terms of the way that the men put the outfits together, in terms of the way that the men put the outfits together, so you talk a lot about style, I guess.
Speaker 2:I'd really like to talk about the inner version of what turns someone into a well-rounded gentleman and how that actually also appeals to the opposite sex as well, because a lot of people you talked about confidence earlier. How can people develop more confidence with, not only just by the way they appear, but also certain characteristics and attitude, because I know you help a lot of people in your private community, so you know how do you go about sharing that and what could you share with the audience to help them develop that within themselves.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. There's a couple of sides to the confidence thing. I find that a lot of people that struggle with confidence it's like they're also out of practice and because they're out of practice they're in this very deep, very negative feedback loop. Let's say you want to be confident to the point where, if you are at a bar or at a coffee shop, you could strike up a conversation. Right, that's quite a big milestone for a lot of people. If you're really out of practice and you haven't done that for a long time, when you think about striking up that conversation, you'll start telling yourself things like they don't want to be bothered, I don't have anything of value to add to them, they wouldn't want to speak to me. You miss that opportunity, they leave, you don't strike up the conversation. Then you reward yourself for not doing it by going yeah, they wouldn't have wanted me to bother them anyway, it's a good job. They left and it just gets worse and worse from there.
Speaker 1:A big part of what I do with confidence is breaking out of those typical thought patterns and those typical behaviors. So right now, what we're actually doing in the group that I run is we are doing a social confidence challenge where every day, every man is just striking up one conversation that pushes him slightly beyond his comfort zone. And it depends what your comfort zone is. It can be different for different people. For somebody that is not very socially confident at all, that might be the person at the grocery store checkout, right? Hey, how's your day going? Just striking up that conversation. For me, as somebody who is quite socially confident, for me to push past that comfort zone, I have to do something like ask somebody in the gym to spot for me right or go up to somebody you know a lot further out.
Speaker 1:I have to push it a little bit more, yeah, but that's the point is everybody's at a different level, right, but it's about getting that practice in.
Speaker 1:So the practice and creating a more positive reward system, a positive feedback loop is one of them, but then the other side of it is also giving yourself a reason to be confident. Part of that does come with the presentation, but also that comes with the habits and the discipline you have and the pride that you take in yourself. So if you feel like you've totally messed up the day, you snooze through your alarm, you start doom scrolling, you start watching corn, as they call it on social media. If you begin your day with these very negative habits and you're avoiding your own responsibilities, then it's quite difficult to go up to people and be confident, to go into a big crowded room and feel like I'm somebody of value, whereas if you keep those promises to yourself and you can see that you are making progress on your goals, I believe that gives you a huge boost and also helps you see your own value, do you?
Speaker 2:ever find people can present themselves well but don't have the inner attitude, don't have the inner characteristics, aren't well refined and they're just. You know it's just. You know it's a mask but not actually depth. Do you ever come across and have you had, have you had any clients come to you how you've been able to help them with something like that?
Speaker 1:There are definitely clients that come to me that are very into the style, very knowledgeable about style, but they lack the confidence. Still, that can be a part of it. It can also be to the point where they're so into style that the way they present themselves is a little bit archaic and that's actually having a negative effect on their confidence because they don't really fit in with the places that they go. I always encourage people when I'm creating a wardrobe with them or working very much on style, let's focus on the places that you actually go, the message that you want to send. How do other people in the environment dress and make it very appropriate? Now, in terms of do people maybe look the part but don't have the values deep down, I haven't found that to be a huge thing and I think that's mostly because the people that gravitate toward the style that I do.
Speaker 1:It isn't something that you do to really impress others because it isn't dependent on designer logos. It's not dependent on being very flashy and eye-catching designer logos. It's not dependent on being very flashy and eye-catching. It is more of a low-key type style where you communicate self-respect, you communicate respect for the situation, but it's not necessarily peacocky. Look at me. I think if people want that, they probably would go to somebody else for fashion. I probably do the kind of peacocking out there style more than most people that watch my videos. Just because I'm I enjoy clothing, right, I enjoy fashion. I'll watch runway videos from Ralph Lauren and go I'm going to copy this Okay, wearing a tie as a belt.
Speaker 2:That's kind of out there, let's do it, and sometimes sometimes I look a bit ridiculous, but also it's just it's just a bit of fun for me, but you know, is this is what I I like about you and your work and the way you present your content. James, you know, you you look quite serious, very well presented, but deep down inside there's, you know, you're looking for a bit of humor, you're looking to take the mickey, you know, and I really yeah, and it's starting to come out more.
Speaker 1:As I'm able to do more fun things with content and I have bigger production, I'm able to just share more of my life, like today I have a video coming out where it's a vlog of just I spent the day on a boat, savoring champagne, taking the wheel, kind of just messing around, honestly. But I'm at the point now where I feel like I want to let people in a bit more about my life beyond just talking to the camera, and just allow people to see. Yeah, I do have more of a sense of humor. I remember I went on a date with a woman who'd seen my YouTube videos and she said oh, you're actually a lot more fun in real life than on YouTube. I thought you were going to be kind of dry and humorless, but that's not really me.
Speaker 1:I think it's just the nature of when you sit down and you'll know this. When you sit down to film content, you are obviously putting a certain side of yourself through to the camera. You can't be your whole personality in 10 minutes. So that's just been the nature of content so far. But I'm opening it up. Some people don't like it like it, you know.
Speaker 2:Some people take themselves very seriously and kind of have a backlash or maybe don't get the joke, but that's always going to happen yeah, you can't always make everybody happy and it's not your job to make people happy, but what I do appreciate about your content is that you're building a community of people to help them feel more confident and to go out into a world where they have greater self-respect and greater feeling of value for themselves. Because that I think this is really important, because in a world where we're starting now to see, you know, a lot more comparison. You know, I've been in the mail, I've been in the modeling industry for a long period of time, for over two decades and there is a lot of comparison. That goes on, and but it's when you find your own self-expression, when you find your own vibe, you know, and you stay true to that. I think that's when things get really enjoyable in life. It's like life takes off for you.
Speaker 1:But some people can find it very difficult to even stop feeling like they need to compare themselves to other people so I ask you, as somebody who's been in the the modeling industry since you're in your 20s yeah, I don't know how old you are now. You're looking great, but I'm not sure um 50 now. Oh, you're 50, wow, okay, fantastic. As a man, you know our value or our attractiveness is not linked so much to age as it is with women. What have you found about the way that you've been perceived as a model and then also the kind of self-respect that you've had as you've got older?
Speaker 2:well, very good question. I think that the main thing is at the beginning, when I first started modeling I'm going to try and do my best to sort of give you a little story in context. When I first started modeling, I felt, you know, quite proud of myself. I felt like I was. I looked good, I well presented, I could speak well, I could speak for myself. So I had this not cocky, but I had a feeling of confidence.
Speaker 2:And then, when I recognized I was being compared to other people and I needed to fit a certain type of thing, I felt like I began to lose that sense of self. And then, after a while of that going on, for what felt like a couple of years, I recognized I need to just go and be me again. I can't be that person because I'm not that person. And so it was literally me going. I'm just going to play me, I'm just going to be me again. I can't be that person because I'm not that person. And so it was literally me going. I'm just going to play me, I'm just going to be me. I'm going to do everything I can to remain true to myself, which meant do my hair the way I do, dress the way I do. I'm not going to be some edgy guy because I'm a classical looking guy.
Speaker 2:I'm not some weird looking type of edgy character that I cannot play for ID, which is one of the magazines, and even though I was put in that magazine to play this edgy character, I was like that is not me. So I was like you know, I'm a little bit more Ralph Lauren-esque and that was one of the first clients I ever worked with. And so, going back to your question is is that I felt like I was trying to be put in a box initially and then it was only when I realized that their opinion didn't matter that I became free. That's the difference and that was my own searching, and that was really when I began meditating that that idea and that viewpoint was available to me, whereas before I didn't see it. So it's literally having some self-introspection.
Speaker 1:I think that is one of the beauties of social media is you don't have to put yourself into a category or necessarily compare yourself to somebody else. Yeah, sometimes I think if I'd been born in a different decade and there were no YouTube, there was no Instagram, what would I do to express the things that I do with Gen Z? And my options would have been write for a magazine right, and be told what to write by somebody else, to have to deal with the backstabbing of journalism and trying to keep my job. I could have tried to make clothes I mean especially back then. God knows how much money that would have taken to get started. Or maybe I could have done events Again, huge startup costs, very difficult to spread the word.
Speaker 1:So I am really grateful for the opportunity of social media, just of anybody can present themselves the way they want to just carve out a niche of one. Obviously, I took inspiration from people. There are channels similar to mine, but I don't really wake up in the morning and go what's this guy doing? You know what's this guy doing? Let's get, let's. I don't. I watch YouTube just purely for my own pleasure and entertainment and if I take inspiration from people, sometimes it will be somebody that's completely unrelated. Like when I'm doing more of my lifestyle type content. Now, I'm more likely to take inspiration from somebody like Mike Thurston, who's a fitness influencer, rather than somebody like Kirby Allison, who does style, because I find the way that Mike does his videos is humorous and relatable and feels casual, whereas somebody like kirby it's very stuffy and it's dry and I I don't find it humorous.
Speaker 2:No disrespect there, but no, no, totally, and I I think you know there's something for everybody and ideally you've got to take away what's right for you I'd be curious to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm curious about the because obviously modeling has changed as well and what is seen as the ideal physique for men has changed back in the day. How did you balance the, the health requirements of being a model and working out with the party lifestyle?
Speaker 2:that sounds very difficult yeah, it does sound difficult. That's, um, do you know what? No one really tells you what to do. They didn't even tell you how to manage your money, james. They don't tell you anything. They just say you've got to turn up for this casting, get yourself in shape, if you've got to be in shape for this job, and that's it. They're not. They're not watching over you. You just got to do it. You know they're just worrying about booking the job.
Speaker 2:So you know, you're this young, 20 something and haven't got a clue, and you just want to go out and it's your first time to really to have some freedom and to party. But at the same time you're like you know, this is actually a business, this isn't supposed to be just some. You know you're making money, you're supposed to support yourself. Um, so, in answer to your question, no one was really watching me, but it was only when I had, like, I recognized that I'd had a car crash a few years earlier and it was nearly fatal I didn't kill myself or anybody else, and it was drink involved that I decided that the same thing was happening, but but in a different way now, and I decided I had to call on some you know, help, because I didn't know what to do. So I was actually inspired to start meditating and that is what changed everything.
Speaker 2:That's when I changed my diet. That's when I managed to get off drinking. It was more like binge drinking. You know, it's quite a big popular thing in the UK, but perhaps not so much in the States, but in the UK it is and uh, you know. So I've been sober for such a long time and it's been incredible levels of focus and I was probably the only guy modeling all that time. He wasn't, he wasn't drinking. So I'd go to the tom ford parties, I'd go to the gucci parties and I I didn't, I didn't drink, didn't smoke, right, and you know, hold some living, but it's my way of finding a natural high.
Speaker 2:That was, and that's what I'm in the process of writing my book called natural high, natural high. I like that, you know. I just want and this is why I loved you know what you were talking about being gentleman and having self-respect and having. I think that men really need role models and I think it can be particularly hard when some of the models out there aren't necessarily living or having self-respect. Yes, and I believe when I watched a couple of your videos, I was thinking, oh, james is really demonstrating that and you're really holding a level of composure that I thought I really, I value that. I see that. What a wonderful role model himself and he's not afraid to be this character and step into these shoes and own it, whereas most people wear, and that's why I love what you do and that's why I thought I've got to see if we can get you on the show. Thank you, really. I thought what you're doing, I think, is fabulous and you know what a wonderful way to spread the word.
Speaker 1:But be the role model, even though when it's hard, you know it, but be the role model even though when it's hard, you know it is, you know it's like heavy as the head right, and I'll even joke about this with my friends of you know. Maybe I I don't know forget to hold the door open or something, or I'm two minutes late.
Speaker 2:It's like not very gentlemanly of you.
Speaker 1:James. But also I kind of appreciate that at this point that there's a very serious message behind it, but I also don't take myself that seriously.
Speaker 2:Is there a?
Speaker 1:stigma around men talking about their emotional lives that you've come across. I would say that for the guys that come into my mentorship program and this isn't a plug, I'm just using this as an example the things that they are able to talk about within that group or talk about with me are things that they don't typically feel like they can talk about with other people, and it doesn't necessarily mean that they're isolated. They could have a huge group of friends, they could have a girlfriend, great relationship with their family, but they think who do I share this with? And I think with relationships there can be a stigma as well of you want to be seen as this man who has it together. You want to be this provider, you want her to feel safe. Yet if you feel vulnerable, if you're going through a lot of things, then do I want to share this with her? And different people have different relationship dynamics, right? I think a very healthy relationship dynamic is that you can be vulnerable yet still be a provider and be seen as a safe place for her.
Speaker 1:Friendship groups can differ as well. I would say that I have a friendship group where I would be able to share some emotional things, but there also might be some things that I'm not so comfortable sharing. So I would definitely say there is still a stigma vulnerabilities about sharing their emotions. Yet at the same time, the wider conversation about male mental health can be a little bit overdone, I think. So I don't know quite what the disconnect is happening there. Maybe you're more plugged into this space as well, but obviously over the last few years the male mental health conversation has really opened up, and I'd say that it's more acceptable for men to say they're struggling with something, but also are they? Are they really actually doing that in a healthy way? I don't know if they are at the moment I'm just conscious, or you know.
Speaker 2:I'm just interested in how you have dealt with that in your inner circle programming. That's really what I'm alluding to here, right?
Speaker 1:well, the people that join all do a call with me first. So I'm really figuring out. Is this the right person for the environment? How would the other guys feel? Do they understand the level of you know, confidentiality and trust and vulnerability that's required to get the most out of this experience?
Speaker 2:So is the main challenge that you find with the people that come into your program? Is it confidence, or is there anything else that they might sort of come into? There's quite a few. Yeah, there's quite a few.
Speaker 1:And I find that they are layered right. So some people say it's very simply confidence. Some people might say it's uh, relationships and dating that they're struggling with, but typically there's a lack of confidence underneath that one. Some people might be very socially confident, but they struggle more with discipline and keeping themselves accountable. So we have accountability partners for whatever goals you're working on, and they check in with each other. Some guys also come in because they don't really have a very clear vision. This is something that I'm very passionate about, and I kind of got this from Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm a huge fan of his and he always talks about-.
Speaker 2:He's got some great points there.
Speaker 1:He's incredible, and I believe that without a clear vision, it's very difficult to have the discipline, because what's the point of the discipline if it doesn't take you to a clear destination? So you can wake up in the morning, you could do the cold plunge, the ice bath, the meditation, all of that, but if you don't really know what you're trying to get out of it, that's not going to last for very long. So that's something I'm really passionate about. Working with them is what is the vision? What's the vision long term? How can we make that more in the short term? And what different areas of your life does that vision exist within, in terms of career, family, your health, the way that you feel, things that make you happy as well. So I'm very passionate about just actually chiseling out what that vision looks like and then setting some of the steps and the things that we can keep them accountable to that will actually help them get there so we talked a lot about how you're helping other people, but what I'd really like to know is james's journey, what?
Speaker 2:what was James's discipline? What are your day-to-day disciplines and your non-negotiables? Because you know a lot of people are coming to you. Um, you're still, you know, under 30, which is great and you're fantastically poised. But what are your disciplines? What has shaped you? Because you know, know you can't get to where you are and and touch many lives and you know, on potentially a sensitive subject with healthy masculinity, you know people are coming to you, they're seeing you as a go-to person. What are your disciplines? How did, how did you step into that for yourself?
Speaker 1:yeah, absolutely, I'd say the number one is the work ethic, and I think you have to do things that other people will think are weird. To give you a very specific example of this, when I started the YouTube channel, I had a full time job still, so I would just do the YouTube channel in the mornings before I started work, or very late in the evenings. And I remember one evening this is very early on, maybe month one, month two my mom is staying with me and she's sitting out on the balcony and saying, oh, come on, let's have a drink together or whatever. And I'm sitting there editing a video and she says what are you doing working? It's Saturday night and I say the life that I want is going to require unusual actions, right, it's going to require a different level of discipline, a different level of discomfort. So you have to be prepared to put in work that other people aren't prepared to do. That is just being very intentional with your time.
Speaker 1:I think today people waste so much time, right, there are so many distractions out there. I don't feel like I want to waste a second right. And there are things that I do that are relaxational or leisurely. I could be having a cigar, I could be spending some time with my friends, but that's not time wasted to me. Time wasted to me is doom scrolling, video things like that. So those are really non-negotiables for me of I don't do video games, I don't do social media doom scrolling, I don't do corn adult movies, things like that. That. It just in no way is that going to help me. So I'm just very strict about those things.
Speaker 2:And then what actually sort of drove you to that? Was that something already instilled in you? Was that something that you came to? No, I definitely came to that?
Speaker 1:yeah, I definitely came to that. Um, when I was a teenager I was the typical kind of undisciplined, waking up at one or two in the afternoon, barely getting out of bed, type of teenager. And then it was probably Jordan Peterson, actually, that really started to introduce me to this idea of it's more than discipline, I'd say. It's seeing a greater version of yourself and striving to become that. So his book 12 Rules for Life came out the year that I started university, when I was 18. And that was definitely a big shift for me of, instead of living the typical student lifestyle of sleeping all day, drinking all night, doing the bare minimum to get by, I'm actually going to be very deliberate and put these rules into practice of simple stuff like making the bed, of creating a schedule and sticking to it, and I'm also quite OCD. So when I started to do this, I really leaned into it and it really resonated with me. I got a huge amount of satisfaction from it. So that started. And then I was definitely putting a lot of my discipline and things like that into music for a long time. So I would play guitar for, you know, six, eight hours a day. I was just obsessed with becoming the best musician I could be.
Speaker 1:So then, when I started doing writing, when I started making YouTube videos, a real non-negotiable for me has always been it has to be three videos a week minimum. And sometimes people will come to me for YouTube consulting. They want to start their own channel and they'll say, you know, I'm thinking maybe I'll do one video a week. And I always use the same analogy as if somebody told me they want to get in shape and they're going to go to the gym once a week. Do you think that would work very well for them? They go. No, that's not enough. So I think the volume is very important, and one thing I have learned from doing this specifically is that the volume will create the improvements that you need. So when I started making videos, they're honestly not very good. Right, I wasn't that great at speaking to the camera. The editing was terrible, the lighting lighting was terrible. The subject matter was quite good, but it's definitely got better. But I wouldn't have got better if I just waited that year and a half to try and improve my skills.
Speaker 2:I just had to do it, and I do believe that just learning by doing is really, really important yeah, I mean you can be told what to do, but ultimately doing is how wisdom is created, right, because you know not what to do. I love that you're talking about. You have a little bit of OCD because there's a little control freak within you. It also resonates within me because you know I try and control whatever I can. Um, but there's one thing that I really really admire and appreciate and I think that the audience will really love to be reminded about, which is that discipline is actually the route to become the person you really want to be.
Speaker 2:And you know there's another chap who I watched his videos about years ago and he said you know, he worked in a shoes shoe shop, women's shoe shop. And he said that when I, when he shoes shoe shop women's shoe shop. And he said that when I, when he wanted to become a youtube creator, he made a video every day and and he said I needed to sort of start walking into that identity, very much like you did when you were creating at the beginning that identity that I'm going to present information, but I'm going to be consistent about it. So the word consistency and the word discipline actually help you shape yourself to become the best version of yourself, meaning you'll do whatever it takes so that that life that you want you're going to start finding in harmony, because nothing comes to you without you walking towards it. I would say that the universe meets you halfway, life meets you halfway.
Speaker 1:I see it as like three tiers as well. At the top of the mountain there is the vision that's actually the goal that we're trying to get towards. Then you have the discipline and the habits that will help you get there. Like you say, that is what carves you, but life happens, things fall off. We have to have the motivation, we have to have the accountability, we have to have those systems and those structures in place that help you when you feel like you're driving down a road at night and you can't see the destination, that help reassure you.
Speaker 1:You're on the right path and there are things you can do by yourself to help with that. There are things that you can do with other people. I mean, coming back to the ocd thing, I write down what I'm doing all day in my journal. I have it right here like let me, this is yesterday, so you can see to this. I mean, it's almost like, as I said, most people would look at some of the stuff that you have to do to be disciplined and think this guy is like borderline mentally ill. You know this is quite weird, but if you want a different life to what most people do, which I'd imagine a lot of your listeners. Do you have to do very different stuff, right?
Speaker 2:you have to do stuff that other people think are a bit odd james, you and I uh are on the same page, except for I printed out all my notes here that I that you know of what I was going to ask you here today and have our conversation. But also I write out my intentions every single day, and have done for 10 years, because I know that with writing something down, I'm going to be reminded of what I need to complete.
Speaker 1:Have you had periods where you've perhaps slipped off? Or, if you haven't, what do you think has helped you do this to that level of consistency, because obviously I'm 27 so I can't talk about oh, I've done this for 20 years.
Speaker 2:Hopefully I will, but I would love to know from you what you would recommend well, the only thing that I would say is to recommend is that you have to ask yourself a question every single day who do I want to be today? How important is this dream to you, this lifestyle that you want? Maybe you want to have a lot of money, maybe you want to live in a beautiful place. Maybe you want to have a wonderful relationship. Maybe you want fantastic health. For me, I want all of that, and in order to have that, I have to show up differently today. So I ask myself what habits do I need to execute so that I live and be that person today, so that over time, as I show up as that person, the outer world then changes for me, because that's exactly what's happened.
Speaker 1:Oh man, there's a couple of things I want to talk to you about there. One of them is and this took me longer to realize than it did to figure out the discipline is. There's one side of discipline which is making yourself do things and being very aligned with your habits. The other one is saying no to things.
Speaker 1:Right distractions and there are so many things that also just you can make being disciplined a lot easier for yourself, or you can make it a lot harder for yourself. So we were talking, before you started recording, about alcohol. Yeah, now I I took a long break from alcohol. I've recently slowly been reintroducing it and found that my relationship is quite different to how it used to be. Thank god god we can go more into that if you want. But you know alcohol sleep as well. If you're underslept. You've had four hours sleep. Good luck being disciplined that day, right. Good luck having good mental health that day.
Speaker 2:Good luck in your relationships as well, because they will massively suffer when you're operating under what I call 51 percent. So if you're operating under 51, you're kind of like in the that dreg zone. If you ever feel like you're pushing with energy and you're like really slow and lethargic in your energy number one it's because you're underslept. Number two, it's probably because you're not hydrated well. Number three for sure you've not got the right nutrients inside of you and for sure you probably don't have enough vitamin c. People don't understand the power of vitamin c. It's really. I have a lemon water every morning to clean my gut and it's helped my skin be immaculate for years I should get on this yeah, so so.
Speaker 2:So people reach for different things, but if you knew what was good for you, would you do it, and that's all I did. I was like I know that's good for me, I've done my homework and then I'm going to execute by doing that.
Speaker 1:So I'd say the foundations are the sleep, the diet. What are some other things that you think people trip themselves up with? Obviously, alcohol is one of them Drugs, if people get into that. Anything else I mean. For me it's actually having too much caffeine. Okay, completely, throw things off, for me.
Speaker 2:So you know there's loads of different stories. People say this is good for you, this is not good for you. I just want to say what worked for me. That's all I'm going to do, because I don't want to say one thing is right. There's a universal thing that's right for everybody, you know. But what I would like to tell you is that, for me, caffeine spiked my blood and I was a big tea drinker and I still love tea and I do like coffee, particularly coffee ice cream. There's something about coffee ice cream I quite like, but if you spike the blood that you're, you're actually going to have a dip later, so you become dependent.
Speaker 2:So when I used to take drugs like party drugs, I was dependent on feeling that way to feel high again and so that I would never have a reset button. What was my reset button? I'd wait until that all kind of eliminated for five days and then, as soon as I felt normal again, I'd go back. So perhaps try to give yourself something like I'm going to try two days or three days with not having a coffee in the morning, and maybe substitute it for something else, which might be hot water and lemon. Let's see how I feel, because actually what it's doing is, funnily enough, even though lemon might be citric acid, it's actually creating with the water. It's actually creating a greater harmony inside the gut and clean gut. And a clean gut means you've got more energy and more headspace to be focused. So my most important thing is how can I be the most focused version of myself today? So if you find that coffee is helping you focus, great, but if you're becoming dependent on that to be focused, then that's not great.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, and it can seem overwhelming because we're trying to balance a few different vectors of our life. Right, we want to work very hard, but also we need to sleep adequately. So there have been times in my past maybe you've done the same thing where you think, well, I need to work more, so I'll just sleep less, and then you realize how bad that goes. It doesn't go well, it doesn't go very well. What has helped me a lot is really just making life a lot more simple. I think when things began to take off for me with YouTube, everything was very chaotic and as a result, you know, I wasn't keeping a close eye on the books of the business, I wasn't keeping a close eye on my personal health, my sleep. I wasn't keeping a close eye on my personal health, my sleep. I wasn't keeping a close eye on my personal relationships. But now I just I spend a lot more time reflecting. I think this is a great habit that not many people do today, of journaling out, writing things down on the whiteboard. Okay, these are my goals. This is what I'm trying to do. How can I allocate my time? And it doesn't have to be like an astronomical amount of effort for each area.
Speaker 1:If you want to work on a side business, you can do a lot in an hour a day. I've been working on a shaving brand lately. I've put no more than one hour a day into it. But you focus. During that hour, you speak to a couple of people, things move along. You pick it up the next day. Those people come back to you Okay, we've got progress. Now we've got the meeting. Okay, the designer's working on that. I've got the samples. Don't like the fragrance? Okay, bring that back. And things can move along with incredible pace in a very, with a very short amount of time. If you have that focus and if you have that direction and I think the same could be true for whether you're trying to work on your fitness, I mean, I'm sure, with your, your clients, you know you don't tell them to go work out five hours a day, right?
Speaker 2:No, everything with with regards to your fitness is just like I do 20 minutes to 25 minute workout. That's all I need to do. Wow, but I know what to do in that 25 minutes and I don't really talk to anybody in that 25 minutes.
Speaker 2:And I might work out every day for 25 minutes and at the weekend I do walks and hikes and swimming. So I like that. But I'd like to do a variety and I do a lot of jump rope stuff because I want to keep my heart rate up and when my heart rates up, once I've come down, I know my mental aptitude is really uh, in a focused space. So that's when I can start writing and creating new content, which I find really good for me. But that's what I've discovered works for me.
Speaker 2:I do a cold shower every day. I don't do cold plunges, but that's just to create that, that focus again, I really like that. So I do a hot and a cold, but really it's to remain consistent. You've got to get some kind of result. So if you feel like it's working for you, you're going to want to keep going, and I believe that we keep going because that momentum becomes like that new drug, and I mean that in a healthy way. We feel like we want to do it again. So if you do that one hour on working on your shaving cream, then you're feeling I'm enthused about creating this beautiful product that I could share with people.
Speaker 1:That's difficult to get in the start, though, because, for example, with fitness, you know somebody's very overweight or somebody's starting a youtube channel really hard you might not see anything for a few weeks. You're not. You're not going to see anything. You're not going to see anything.
Speaker 2:When I first started the podcast, I made this pact with life. I said I'm going to do this, um, and I'm going to do it every week. So for the first two years of the show, I did a podcast episode every week, every Thursday, without fail, and that meant I needed to find new people or create content where I was going to deliver it. And that was a pact and I was like I'm going to do this and you don't see results at the beginning at all. It's actually almost in year four that I started seeing results.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you have to make the result the output rather than the feedback. Yeah, so for me, the result was, if I do three videos a week, I'll be happy with that. That's, that's the goal. Or, you know, if I do the workouts, that's the goal. It's not about the changes that I see or do not see in the mirror. Yeah, the fitness thing is something that I'm really putting a lot more focus on right now because I feel like I I see a potential with myself of, yeah, I'm in good shape I'm definitely not like embarrassed by my body if, or anything like that, but it's not the nine out of ten, the ten out of ten that it could be, and as somebody that is somewhat of a role model and is always trying to be the best version of themselves, somebody that can have a lot of pressure on you to feel like you need to step into that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but also, you know, I love clothes and what I do is kind of amateur modeling in a sense the thing is is, james, you do it in a great way and you reveal that part of yourself and you are light-hearted about it, but you do demonstrate that quality and you do it incredibly well. I think the hard thing when one turns up to be a leader or a role model is that the pressure feels great, because who have I? Who am I now accountable to? Yeah, and so in my world, I'm accountable to life because I've been given this gift of life now. Now it's my job to give back, because I nearly died a couple of times. So that is my gravitas with regards to the situation.
Speaker 2:Everybody else is different, but that was how I saw it. So I thought it's my job now to find a way to create meaningful content that improves the quality of other people's lives, because my life has been blessed to be improved. So what if I could share my downfalls of where I went wrong and mistaken, how I turned it around? And I think that that's great. But we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and I'd like to go back to this question that you mentioned earlier, the statement you said, which was it's very difficult to say no to certain things. So how have you found that and how could that help the audience? Where have you learned to say no?
Speaker 1:For me, it really comes back to having that clear vision, because that is the filter through which I'm able to make the decision. Now, some things are easier to say no to than others, right, such as.
Speaker 2:I'll give you a very recent example.
Speaker 1:And this is quite a wholesome example actually. So I'm not embarrassing myself too much here, but one of the things that I decided I needed to say no to was more the nightlife side of things, because it was affecting my sleep a lot and it was therefore affecting the quality of my work, the way that I could show up for my clients and for my audience. So I replaced, really, nightlife with golf, with daytime activities, with sport, with sunshine things that actually make me happier. And then, on saturday night, my friend says, like I've actually got this, uh this like 1100 gift card at this steakhouse. We're gonna go.
Speaker 1:It's on me, I can't. Can't get the table to nine o'clock, though, and I have to say it sounds great, but I gotta. I gotta be in bed actually, because, uh, the next morning I'm gonna go wake up and I'm gonna do a bunch of videos and I'm gonna do a bunch of calls. So was difficult. That was something that previously I would have said yes to, and a previous, previous version of me would have gone there and then gone to the bars afterwards and maybe got home at three in the morning, and maybe not by himself either.
Speaker 2:OK. So question how did you feel by saying no, I mean afterwards Once you'd had that conversation with your friend? You know, because I'm trying to get to the audience here, because I'm not trying to get you saying no to everything, but but choose it wisely. So how did james feel after he hung up that phone, having good because I go back to the vision and I go.
Speaker 1:I've just made a decision that brings me slightly closer to that vision, Whereas if I'd said yes and it's not about the actual act itself, it's about the knock on consequences that would have taken me further away. Now I think that's. It's an interesting example, because going out for dinner with your friends is what I would consider quite a healthy, nice activity. But I'd also done loads of that, Like we. I played golf with my friend the other day. We'd been out for some non alcoholic drinks during the daytime, so my cup was full, in that sense, of my vision. So I do come back to that vision, because that's just a decision making tool that is much more objective, right? So if people don't have that, then it's harder to say what's good and what's bad, what you should say no to.
Speaker 2:I really like your answer there, and I think it really boils down to asking yourself is this taking me to or away from what I'm trying to achieve, and everything does, it can actually be a little bit scary, right.
Speaker 2:You can literally think is this going to move me towards my goal? Yes or no? Yeah, and sometimes you don't know until you do the thing. But I, I I had a challenge when I was a few years ago, when I was when I'd stopped drinking.
Speaker 2:A lot of my friends were getting married and I went on one stag do, maybe two stag do's, and they got really out of control. So so all the rest of the gang I said no, I wasn't going to go on the stag dues. That was really quite tough, but I knew that that wasn't going to serve the James I wanted to become. Yes, I knew that that wasn't going to serve me being the best version of myself, because otherwise I've got to hang around in that energy and that wasn't great for me. And the energy I've got to hang around in that energy and that wasn't great for me and the energy I was trying to cultivate.
Speaker 2:And what I find really interesting is that sometimes, when we put things off, something later shows up that is so much better than you can possibly imagine those little sacrifices. So, for instance this, this podcast, the work that I'm doing now helping private families and high net worth clients. And you instance this, this podcast, the work that I'm doing now helping private families and high net worth clients and you know, amazing leaders that sacrifice, all those years, has allowed me to be able to say I know what it takes to actually say no. Quite a lot, because when I think, because when it's yes, it's like, oh my golly, I'm so in on this, you know.
Speaker 1:I think everybody acknowledges that whatever they would like to accomplish, there will be sacrifice involved. So now I actively look for those sacrifices of what will I have to say no to? So then when I do say no to it, it feels more like I've said yes to what I want. Does that make?
Speaker 2:sense and you know what, right there the audience can go. I know that this is the person I'm wanting to become.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, exactly. And there is that feeling of oh, I know, it's quite tempting, maybe I would like to. If you feel that, then that's quite a good sign, in my opinion, of okay, well, maybe this is one of those things. It's not always you have to make that decision by yourself, but I also like to think about, with a vision, there are different elements to it and what's a good balance. So, for example, if you're saying no to every social situation that comes your way, well, I wouldn't imagine that the vision you have for the life you want is one of social isolation, right? So you do have to say yes to certain things and don't be afraid. Don't be afraid and try and sacrifice literally everything, but know that there will be moments along that journey where previously you would have said yes, but now, in the pursuit of this higher goal, you're going to say no, and then you can feel good about having said no.
Speaker 2:Fantastic. I mean in the last two years you've created what you have on YouTube, on TikTok, on Instagram. You know what's your vision for the next couple of years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good question. I would say that I don't have. Well, my long-term vision and my short-term vision is very much the same. It's just how quickly can I get this done? So for me, I'd say, a lot of it is quite personal and I don't mind sharing that. That includes finding a woman that I can share my life with. I'm very excited about building a family, having lots of children, having a home where we can do that and we can create those memories together. Obviously, there is a huge financial impetus on making that happen. In terms of my own legacy and my own creative satisfaction. I would like to be the main men's lifestyle YouTuber and influencer. I would like to be the main men's lifestyle YouTuber and influencer. I would like to reach that pedestal. I see that the content is developing and growing in a way that will help me get there, and that also includes a couple of brands and businesses that I'm working on. So obviously, I love working within my private mentorship group and helping people a bit more one-to-one. But also the shaving brand is launching, probably in two to three months.
Speaker 1:I have a home artwork collection that's coming out, maybe by the end of this week. What I mean? Your own artwork. It's my own. Well, I didn't paint it, but I I worked with a designer to create these canvas artworks. I can send these to you afterwards. Yeah, that for a for a for a. This is something that came up. Quite a lot was as a man discovers his more gentlemanly side, how does he uh, furnish his home? Right, because a lot of decor and kind of home furnishing advice for women, yeah, so I decided to create the type of artwork that that man might wish to have in his home brilliant, love it.
Speaker 2:I love it. It's just a creative, pure creation, like carving out. Oh yeah, made man a fantastic.
Speaker 1:I love that yeah, I'm very into, just for me, the creation and the satisfaction that comes with that. It's like something I intrinsically just love. It doesn't have to be for anything else, it's just the pure act of creation and being able to share that with people so that they can introduce it into their lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, fantastic. Well, james, we're very happy to try and support you on your journey to being the person you want to be and helping the people that you're currently helping, and even more so. Thank you so much for sharing your insights and your and your knowledge and your wisdom.
Speaker 1:It's been so enjoyable, um is there anything else that you?
Speaker 2:might wish like to say just to the audience, like in closing yeah absolutely well.
Speaker 1:I do believe that the foundation of pretty much everything that we've spoken about is a a sense of self-respect, finding a way that you do feel like you deserve to dress well, you deserve to have these healthy habits, you deserve to live the life that's in your vision. To the YouTube channel, gent Z watch God knows how many hours of videos I've made now over the years and you'll find stuff along those lines that will help you discover that sense. Probably the biggest and most rewarding thing that people tell me is I always liked those guys that dressed well. I always wanted to be that gentleman type, but I never felt like I could be. I didn't feel like I deserved that. But when I saw your videos, I felt you know, actually, yeah, there's no reason why I can't do this. So when I hear that from people, that's the most rewarding thing. So if anybody feels that way, then I do encourage them to just delve a little bit deeper and within a short space of time, I think you'll be excited to embrace this better version of yourself.
Speaker 2:Superb. Well, we'll have all of those links under the video and under the podcast, James. Thank you so much. James Lawley is this week's Super Soul Model.
Speaker 1:Thank you very much, james, been a pleasure.
Speaker 2:If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Your support helps us reach more people and create a ripple effect of positive change. Leave a review to help us continue uplifting and improving lives. Thank you for being part of this journey.