The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series

Embracing the Shadow: Lessons from Jung, Debbie Ford & the Journey to Wholeness

• James Granstrom • Season 1 • Episode 200

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In this special 200th episode, I explore the power of embracing your Shadow. Drawing from the timeless psychology of Carl Jung, the heartfelt teachings of Debbie Ford, and my own personal journey, we dive into the hidden parts of ourselves that hold the keys to authentic growth and wholeness.

This episode is a deep reflection on how the aspects we reject can become our greatest allies when we bring them into the light. I share how shadow patterns show up in everyday life, how I’ve encountered and integrated my own, and why embracing what we’ve hidden is the path to true inner freedom.

🌑 In this episode, you’ll discover:

  • What the Shadow is and why Jung saw it as essential for personal evolution
  • Debbie Ford’s powerful approach to finding the “gold” in the dark
  • How shadow projections reveal hidden parts of ourselves
  • My personal insights from years of working with shadow integration
  • Practical tools and reflection exercises to help you embrace your own shadow

This is a soulful, honest, and inspiring reflection on the real work of growth — the work that begins when light meets shadow.

✨ Thank you for being part of this 200-episode journey. Here’s to truth, transformation, and embracing our whole selves.

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The shadow is the unconscious personality, that part of ourselves that we've denied because it doesn't fit the image of who we think we should be. The shadow isn't inheritedly bad, it's just that part of our personality that we've decided that isn't good enough. So, in which case, those feelings, those emotions, those desires that we think we shouldn't have, we just sweep under the carpet. And ultimately, the challenge with that is just gets bigger. Hello and welcome to the 200th episode, I'm proud to say, of the James Grassram podcast Super Soul Model Series. Each episode has been laden, filled with growth, filled with transformation, filled with inspiration. And without you, none of this would have been possible. So thank you for joining me on this journey. And being a milestone of 200 episodes, I thought I would share a subject that has been part of pretty much every episode, but I have never really done this episode or talked about it in great depth. So that's what we're going to do today. And this episode is about the shadow. Carl Jung phrased the term the shadow, which is what Abraham Hicks also likes to call the contrast of life, the difficult moments, the parts that we often disown. Carl Jung said one doesn't become enlightened by searching or looking for light figures. But when the dark is made conscious, and what he's really trying to refer to with the shadow, with the darkness, is not all doom and gloom, but it's just understanding that we are made of both light and dark. There are positive attributes to our personality, and they're those parts that we often hide and pack away so that nobody can see them. That's the shadow. And when we bring that to light, when we make the dark conscious, when we make that shadow aspect of ourselves more conscious, healing begins. So this episode is really about that. It's bringing light to those hidden aspects of ourselves that we've kind of disowned. And once we own them, we become free. And that helps our transformation, that helps us become the best version of ourselves, and that actually also helps us raise our vibration because we recognize also that the greater our light, the darker the shadow. And if you are thinking of somebody perhaps on the stage and the spotlight is on them, perhaps it's an actress or a singer or a musician, often behind that spotlight is a big shadow. So that's also referring when they're in their light, when they're in their element, there's also a contrasting aspect, which is the shadow. And we all have that, and often the reason why we want to design the shadow is because we are going to be feared that we'll be judged for bringing those aspects of ourselves to light. I know that's been my case, and it's all been personal for me. And probably about 15 years ago, I studied with Debbie Ford, who wrote a book called Dark Side of the Light Chasers. And working with Debbie was really brilliant because she understood and brought to light this aspect of the shadow self. And meeting Debbie was quite precious because only a couple of years after I met her, she passed away, which is actually funny enough on my birthday. So there was something about this soul resonance I had with this person, understanding her work, understanding this shadow aspect of ourselves. So I want to bring you an updated version of where it can apply to you in your life today. Her teachings about the shadow cracks me open and it's helped me be able to understand who I am and those parts of myself that perhaps I design that I can now bring to light. And on my intent in this episode is to help you do the same, is to help you bring that whole aspect of yourself that maybe you've disowned, maybe you've hidden away because you fear of getting judged. If someone had told me over 15 years ago that some of my greatest successes and breakthroughs would really come through owning those parts of myself that I've hidden and tucked away that I thought other people would judge, I would have probably laughed. And one of them, for sure, is people pleasing. When I used to say yes to everything and everyone, it really took me away from my centre. Because I often found that by being nice, I would be liked. And my fear really came from not being liked. And when I went to school, I was sent away and went to a boarding school at the age of 10, there was a sense of abandonment from my family. Now, this is again the contrast. This again is the shadow. And so, in doing so, if I am liked, if I am appreciated, then I don't have the fear, I won't have the fear. So the shadow and Debbie's work really taught me that you can say no, you can claim yourself, meaning if that's not for you, then don't do it, rather than say yes. Because when you start to like and appreciate and approve of yourself, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. But when you're younger and you're still learning to be able to fit in, and in my case at a boarding school, the desperate need to be liked was so huge. And and it was because you wouldn't be in trouble, you wouldn't get beaten up, you wouldn't have any chance of challenges. So it's like a coasty, easy life. But when you bring that into the adult, you're realizing that you're still saying yes to invitations that don't serve you. So when I learned to say no, I really began to empower myself. And when I learned that it was okay not to be liked, that was okay. Now that is really crucial for a lot of people, and even this work that we're doing now, some people will love it and some people won't, and that's okay. You don't have to be loved by all people. The most important thing is that you are loved and honest and true to yourself, and when you do that, you'll have a higher frequency, you'll have a higher vibration because not everything's going to suit everybody. And if you can make peace with that, you'll be so in your centre, feeling so strong. This is where real transformation occurs. This is where opportunities, the right partners, the right business, the right work starts to come in because you're owning yourself. This is what I've discovered in my own life, and I would not have discovered it unless I'd looked at some of these hidden aspects of myself that I tucked away. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist, often referred to the shadow as the unconscious personality, that part of ourselves that we've denied because it doesn't fit the image of who we think we should be. The shadow isn't inheritedly bad, he says. It's just that part of our personality that we've decided that isn't good enough. So, in which case, those feelings, those emotions, those desires that we think we shouldn't have, we just sweep under the carpet. And ultimately, the challenge with that is anything you sweep under the carpet just gets bigger because the more we reject it, the more it controls us at another of our unconscious personality. And the way it begins to show up and present itself unconsciously in our experience is through our projections of other people. So if you've ever come across somebody who you found was outrageous, who you didn't like immediately started having types of behavior that you thought was really uncalled for, this is a part of the shadow that's beginning to reveal itself in our day-to-day life because as Lewis Carroll said, the world is but a looking glass. And in universal terms, in the law of attraction terms, it's the and in spiritual terms, everything and everyone is a mirror aspect of ourselves. And when we find something we inherently don't like about somebody, that is a projection. And we have to ask ourselves: is their behaviour something that's also inside of us that we're disowning? Is their behavior is the way that they're showing up, that person that's annoying us in some aspect? Are we like that at any level? This is the projection and this is the shadow revealing itself. And when I began to notice this, oh my god, my world began to change because I recognized that that person has this type of behaviour that somehow I might have disowned, but I also own. It might be someone's arrogance, it might be the way someone might talk over people, it might be the way also that someone might be so vulnerable and we look at them and go, that's a bit weak. But ultimately, we might be neglecting that tenderness of ourselves. Every aspect where we begin to judge someone else's character, but more importantly, someone else's personality. We have to look on ourselves and go, Do I have that? So I have a story that I want to share about the shadow, and where I looked at myself and go, Am I like that? Quite a few years ago, I had a neighbour come round with his wife, and they came round to the house, and my whole family were there, and he enjoyed the sound of his own voice, and he enjoyed the sound of his own voice. He only really played music and told his own stories, and it was very rare that anyone could interject and say anything because the sound of his voice was more important than anybody else. So essentially he was going round to his own party for himself. And when I was with my family, I often like looked on and I said, Aren't you gonna say something? Aren't you gonna try and interject and say something? But they didn't. And I found myself, instead of me wanting to stay and be part of this party this evening, I decided I would leave because it was frustrating me so much. So I had to have a good look at myself and I thought, where am I like that? And here I am, years later, really using this information, really using this understanding to empower myself, empower my clients, and empower you, the audience, to let you know any dark side of somebody that you see, ask yourself, is there an aspect of me that's also like them that I potentially disowned? So, really from this aspect of myself, the overpowering, maybe talking too much, not listening, I've stepped back and I really started to listen to everybody. I talked less. And even on this show, which is about talking in communication, I've really thought about my own shadow and thought, how can I share this aspect of myself that's true and real, that's also owning the part of myself that maybe I needed to work on. I needed to be aware of that aspect of myself that was contrasting. Because we are both yin and yang, we're both light and shadow, and there can't be one without the other. And when we expose or bring consciousness to the shadow, as Jung said, we become free, we become lighter, we begin to heal. And so, with the aspect of my neighbour, I learned to recognize that maybe if I listened more, my life would improve. If I listen more, my relationships would improve and go deeper. And if I didn't overpower, I allowed myself and my community of people, the people I with to be able to put their foot forward into a conversation instead of me trying to overpower and wrestle in. So all of these parts of the shadow that I discovered in myself, look in your own experience. What parts of yourself are you disowning of the shadow? Because Jung's saying when you bring light to this darkness, the shadow, you begin to heal it. And that's the beautiful aspect of our personality. Because often we think that everything's okay in our life, but it's only when someone does something that really grinds us or rubs us off the wrong way, we begin to blame them. But we have to really ask ourselves, are we projecting? Because this is the aspect of the shadow that comes to light in other people, because essentially every one of our relationships is a reflection of ourselves. Also, you can find the shadow in someone that triggers you, essentially triggers oh, the shadow coming to light. Where is that part of me? Why am I getting triggered by this person? And the reason why you're being triggered because there's an aspect of you in them. So the quality you get from owning your shadow, you begin to stop judging people so harshly, and instead you begin to integrate yourself. Debbie Ford in her book Darkside or Light Chasers didn't really just talk about darkness, she talked about how the shadow holds gifts, and what she really means by that is when you understand the gift in the darkness or in the shadow that you have in your experience, that gift makes you more whole, which in case brings you more authenticity and fulfills your life, brings you richer relationships because essentially your greatest happiness isn't just about you and what you have, it's about the relationships you have with other people. And when we're more authentic and we're more whole, our relationships are richer and more fun and more enjoyable and more full of love. And what she said in that book, which is a major takeaway, what you can't be with won't let you go. And essentially, what it's trying to say is when you begin to avoid those emotions, those anger or the fear or vulnerability or all these different heavy emotions that we tend to sweep under the carpet, as we mentioned. When you can't be with him, when you can't sit with him, when you try to avoid them and push them away, they just get bigger because the universe says what you resist persists. And when you resist that part of yourself that isn't authentic, it tends to show up in perhaps contrasting ways. One of the major takeaways that I learned from Debbie's work, it's not about avoiding the shadow, it's more about embracing all of you, and with that you become so much more free and liberated. And often we have parts of ourselves that we feel awkward about. That's only because we're avoiding aspects of ourselves. But when we embrace ourselves, it's not about becoming more spiritual, it's more about becoming more evolved. And so understanding that shadow aspect of yourself that you sweep under the carpet just makes you feel a lot better about you. And there's a great story I want to share because an ex-boss that I had years and years ago, he used to tell the most outrageous stories, and they were laden with crash words, and it was hilarious. But often you were thinking, Oh my god, what's he said? And are the clients going to be upset that he's told this story? And he said, Look, we provide an amazing service, and I have to tell you, sometimes my stories are very rude because I am rude. That was him owning his shadow. He goes, But we provide an amazing service and people love us. And if you like what we do, we're gonna deliver you the best. But what he did was is he owned that aspect of himself, that shadow that he is rude, that he is outrageous. But yet somehow people loved that authenticity because authenticity is a high frequency, and so he was owning that shadow aspect of himself that he wasn't perfect, he wasn't ever claiming to be perfect, but they did provide an amazing service. And when I look in my own experience as well, is when I began to have healthy boundaries for the first time instead of people pleasing, when I quit drinking, I used to say no to loads of stagdies. I went on one stag dew and it didn't work out that great. And so what I recognized is that if I'm gonna live a healthy life, I've also got to learn to have healthy boundaries. So look into your experience. What could you own that maybe you've hidden away? Is it the fear of being disliked? Is it the fear of being loved? Is it the fear of being seen? Because often when the light is on you, the spotlight is on you, would you freak out and want to run away? Often the things that we want the most require us to be in our light. And if we're in our light, we'll we'd be exposed for being imperfect and being judged for that. There's so many celebrities that have got to the heights, and then suddenly that light's so on them that all their imperfections begin to show out to the public, which can be incredibly debilitating. So if you can get to that part of yourself to be happy and proud of yourself regardless. So all these little shadow aspects of ourselves allow us to become freer once we shine a little bit of light and acknowledge them instead of avoiding them. I was a chronic avoider, but when I began to own everything, even if it was imperfect, I found that in a short amount of time, wonderful things, wonderful new opportunities, money, etc., came into my experience as a result of instead of avoiding, owning. This is powerful. And even if someone's projecting something you don't like, before you blame, make sure you're not projecting on anybody. So the gifts of the shadow really come from being able to see the beauty in the imperfection of ourselves. How often have you ever met somebody go, God, I feel so comfortable with you? You're so easy and relatable to talk to. And the reason being is because they're usually owning all aspects of themselves. This gives us more relatability. I remember when my sister uh told me years ago when I first started in the podcast, she goes, Oh, you've been a model, that's unrelatable. She goes, but if you can tell about your imperfections, if you can tell about your stories, about your comebacks from the challenges that you had, like drinking, uh, that's relatable because everyone is going through something. So instead of trying to put everybody on a pedestal, recognise that we're all human beings and we all have different emotions. And the gifts of owning our shadow and integrating our shadow is recognizing that we're actually a whole human being and there's no one to put on a pedestal, no matter who you think they are. They're just another human being feeling all the different emotions. I remember this old Indian uh chief was on a podcast I was watching, and he said something so beautiful. He goes, We were really worried and anxious about our tribe losing land. And he goes, I suffered with anxiety for so long. There was so much responsibility put on my shoulders. And what I really liked is he goes, I invited anxiety to the table and I pushed it away. And he goes, I invited it back to the table, and instead of me pushing it away and showing it the door, I allowed it to have a meal with me. And he goes, it then it left of its own accord instead of me trying to push it away. And what he's really trying to say with this, this Indian chief that I really liked with this wisdom was don't push anything away, don't avoid it, allow it. Allow space for its imperfection, that's difficult feeling, to have space, to allow it there to be present, even if you don't like it, allow it to be present. You're essentially facing the monster, you're facing those emotions yourself. And usually when we face the monster, it leaves of its own accord. This is really powerful because we're showing strength and courage to show up to those emotions that we've put under the carpet, that we've dismissed and disowned, because it doesn't live up to who we think we are. Ultimately, as human beings, we become more beautiful when we recognize our imperfections. That's why we love comedians because they're always talking about their imperfections. When you face that shadow, often what emerges is authenticity, maybe even creativity. Sometimes the things that you've judged the most might be aspects or qualities that come later. One of the things I had that came up into my experience was I think the year was about 2005, 2006, I started to learn how to make music. And I remember when I was younger, I was listening to my dad play the guitar, and my mum singing, I was always a bit embarrassed. But years later, I found that I picked up a ukulele on a modelling trip and I heard someone play. I thought, that's really nice. One day I'll play that. And I had this little ukulele in my room just as an ornament, as a decoration, and then one day some guy came around and he started, he goes, Do you know how to play this? And he started to play it. And lo and behold, I learned how to play the ukulele. And I've written a few songs and it's really fun, and it's a way to make me feel good regardless. Creativity is an outlet, and something that I once judged, now I can do. Maybe it's not a guitar, but it's a ukulele. And on top of that, I make dance music, pure joy, something I discovered out of a pure accident. And one of the things that you're gonna really love about discovering and owning your shadow, or at least integrating it, is you'll never know what good is you will find by owning that. So if you really want to integrate the shadow, I want to share with you five practical tools that you can do. So the first way, if you want to integrate this, is to write a judgment inventory, and that is when you get triggered by somebody or you see something that upsets you or triggers you in one way, ask yourself, where is that in me? Because remember, every time we see something in our outer world, it's often reflecting something on the inner world. The next thing to do is to have a journaling prompt, and the journaling prompt is to write a list, and this is challenging, is where are those parts of myself that I remain hidden that I don't want to show the world? And it might be I'm irritable, I'm dismissive, I can be stubborn, I can be rude, you know, all of these things. And then the next one is the radical ownership practice. This is one of my favourite. The next time you find yourself maybe judging somebody else, own it. Because that ownership is just recognizing, oh, I'm owning that, judging, I'm owning that judgment, and that must be part of me. Number four is one of the best, is the ho a pono pono. That's I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me and thank you. Anytime you feel a judgment coming up, anytime you feel some sort of darkness coming up inside of you, anytime you feel any type of judgment, say these four phrases I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. This cleans up hard disk drive in your mind. Dr. Hugh Len wrote a book with Joe Vitali years ago called Zero Limits. They've also got a program about it now on Amazon, and it's about zero limits, and you become zero, meaning you become the most divine, happiest, healthiest, wealthiest version of yourself by clearing the hard drive, your mind, with those four phrases. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. Try it, notice it. I began doing this years ago, and every time I've noticed there's judgment coming up, and I need to clear my mind. These four phrases help eliminate that. And last but not least, the fifth way you could integrate the shadow into your life is talk to those aspects of yourself, talk to that irritability, talk to that anxiety, talk to that aspect of yourself that you're trying to disown, that fear of not being liked, and say hello, welcome it to the table, recognize it, give it a seat. This you could do as a visualization, and in doing it, you create peace with it. Until you make peace with those parts of yourself that you've disowned, they'll keep showing up in your life, and they'll keep showing up in a way that will get your attention and perhaps in an unpleasant way. I know that's been my experience, and until you give that a state or until you give that a seat, so 200 episodes in, and I can't thank you enough. Today's episode about the shadows, you know, so important, so powerful. Because unless we meet those aspects of ourselves that are dark and contrasting, we never really will feel happy. We never really will feel free because we're avoiding something at some level. As Debbie Ford reminded us, the shadow isn't something that you need to fix, it's already there, it's really just embracing all parts of you. And when you can do that, you set yourself free and you see more green lights and you have greater, happier experience. And I love looking at that yin and yang sign because it's got like black with a little white in it, and then white with a little black in it, and that's the perfect symbol of the Tao that represents light and dark being partners and emerged and part of the self. That's also us, that's you. And you become a wholer version of yourself, and the word holy comes from the word whole when you integrate both these parts of yourself. So this has become really powerful instead of us avoiding that aspect, you become partners with it, and it's a lighter way of looking at something that might seem contrasting, that might seem dark. And here's to the next chapter of love, of growth and integration. And until the next episode, I wish you a wonderful week ahead and green lights all the way. Thanks for tuning in. If you've enjoyed this episode, please remember to like, subscribe, and share.