Soul Joy: Ditch Burnout and Fall in Love with Life

Be Nice to You

• Dr. Julie Merriman

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Can changing the way you talk to yourself actually rewire your brain for greater well-being? Join me, Dr. Julie Merriman, on this enlightening episode of SoulJoy as we uncover the transformative power of self-compassion. You’ll learn how the language you use about yourself affects your brain's amygdala and discover practical strategies to reframe negative thoughts. We also explore how understanding your personal money story can help you make better financial decisions free of fear. Cultivating a supportive network is another vital element, helping you practice self-kindness and avoid burnout, compassion fatigue, and vicarious trauma, especially if you're a professional helper.

In our continued journey towards holistic wellness, we revisit the superpower model introduced earlier in the series. This episode provides you with a hands-on exercise to combat self-doubt using this model. Share your completed exercise with a trusted individual like a therapist or friend to build a compassionate and supportive environment around you. Don’t miss out on the detailed PDF of the exercise available through my email list. By embracing self-kindness and reframing your inner dialogue, you’ll foster a compassionate mindset that enhances your overall well-being. Remember to subscribe and leave a review to support our shared journey toward soul-enriching wellness.

Speaker 1:

Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to SoulJoy. Today's episode is about understanding how to be nice to you. This ability is essential in maintaining holistic, sustainable self-care, also known as wellness. Okay. So, friend, I'm so glad that you are here today. You've dropped by to hear another episode. That means a lot to me. Thanks so much. And today I want to talk to you just a little bit about being nice to you. So we're going to dig into that just for a hot minute.

Speaker 1:

Today is kind of a rainy day, so I'm enjoying that. It's been awfully sunny. I'd love me some sun, but rain, I don't know. Somehow it's like I have a reason to not comb my hair, or I comb it but I throw it up in a ponytail and not have to worry about makeup and all that. I don't know what that's about, but I like it, I like it. So we had a nice date night last night. Me and the hubs enjoyed that, went to a movie and dinner. Now that we're older, we do it backwards. We can't do dinner and movie because we'll be asleep during dinner. But that was really fun to get out and about. So that was a good time.

Speaker 1:

But okay, professional helpers, this podcast is dedicated to preventing and overcoming the occupational hazards of this career that we've chosen, and that's specifically burnout, compassion, fatigue and vicarious trauma, because we see and hear a lot of trauma. So our topic today is being nice to you. So our topic today is being nice to you. I really do a deep dive on this in the book, my book In Pursuit of Soul Joy, but I do want to cover it on the podcast as well, because I think it's really important and being nice to you.

Speaker 1:

There's several things that fall under this category. First and foremost, y'all your self-talk. You know how are you talking to yourself? Our little almond-shaped amygdala in our brain, that little lizard part of our brain, loves to listen to what we're saying. Linguistics are eminently important. And if we're running around telling ourselves that we're a dumbass and can't believe we did something so stupid and you never do anything right, just or oh, don't go over there and talk to them, you're not likable, nobody wants to talk to you, or just all the kinds of crazy things. Our self-talk, all this crazy ways our self-talk shows up, if you will. Our amygdala is listening and that amygdala then goes about trying to make what you're telling it come true. So it's kind of a double whammy. And it goes back to neuroscience, as we've talked about quite a bit on the podcast. You'll build neural pathways around the ugly talk that you're telling yourself to prove that, indeed, that is true.

Speaker 1:

So self-talk, it just beats yourself up and it's just unnecessary. It's far better to practice self-compassion, even if you pat yourself on the face so you release some oxytocin, which is the love hormone which, yes, you can help yourself release. Oxytocin, which is the love hormone which, yes, you can help yourself release, just human touch. And you just pat yourself on the face and go sweetie, you're doing the best you can. Big, deep breath. Let's tap our feet on the ground and get grounded. It's okay, it's going to be okay. And then reframe that self-talk. Yeah, that might not have turned out exactly like I wanted, but it's going to be okay and I learned a lot from that. And next time I know not to do X, y, z, I mean, whatever it might be. It's just important to rewrite, reframe, flip that self-talk. And you know, it might be worthy to keep a journal and kind of track when your self-talk gets the most hateful and what's the antecedent event and how you can really do a little deep dive there and see if that's tied to some old schema because 95 times out of 100, it is tied to old schema that no longer fits and see if you can't do just really some good old cognitive behavioral therapy around that to see what facts check out and what facts don't check out. But do notice your self-talk and have something in place to reframe that self-talk, because it's important to be nice to you. Another piece that we're not going to do a deep dive right here on the podcast, but we will talk about it later.

Speaker 1:

But part of being nice to you is also understanding your money story. Part of being nice to you is also understanding your money story, because money matters can cause you to live in fear, that cause you to make really poor choices that that result in you not being nice to you. Maybe you're spending too much money and carrying some pretty heavy debt that causes you to have a lot of indigestion, if you will, a lot of worry about the money, and really that results in fear and results in some pretty nasty self-talk. That's not being nice to you, some pretty nasty self-talk. That's not being nice to you. Or maybe you're practicing just doing without, to the point that your lifestyle isn't pleasant. Maybe you have money in the bank but you don't feel like you deserve a new dress or you deserve to get the groceries that you really like to put in your cabinet. Money matters can really create an unpleasant place to live, so it's worth the time to do a deep dive on your money story. Not going to do that today, but I do want you to know that falls under the category of being nice to you.

Speaker 1:

Then it's important to have a sense of being supported. That's a huge piece of being nice to yourself allowing people in your life that give you support, not that are emotional vampires and and take support away, but really having a good supportive network there. Now, personally, I need a small network. I don't need a big network, but the network I have is tremendously supportive. Some folks need a bigger network. I'm not saying the size is what is important. It's that sense of being supported is what is important and that creates an avenue, an environment for you to be nice to you, because you've surrounded yourself with people who are nice to you.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that's important when we're creating this environment of being nice to ourself is to allow for discomfort, because, sweetness, I'm here to tell you discomfort is a part of life. I've said it many times Life consists of 60% pretty groovy, 40% going to be pretty ucky. That's that discomfort that we need to allow and not try to escape, because that escape leads to those numbing behaviors. That does not create an environment where you can be nice to you. So you know, even just doing an activity and I've got them in the book but doing an activity where you really assess how comfortable you are with discomfort, dbt has a lot of exercises that help you gauge discomfort and help you understand where you are with that. So if you haven't done a lot of DBT stuff, you can Google that and find some pretty cool worksheets to help you with assessing where you are with discomfort, because that's an important piece of being nice to you sitting with that discomfort and then being able to find the narrative that sabotages your self-confidence. And really that goes hand in hand with self-talk, if you will, but being nice to you.

Speaker 1:

That environment is created by these things I've said, but also by having believing in yourself, having that self-confidence that you can do whatever you set out to do. You've got this. It might be difficult, it might take a little more effort than you had expected, but you have the ability to do what you need to do In one episode. Do In one episode. I will do a whole PDF on this, but I love to do a timeline where, from birth to present, my patient will put down all the things they've accomplished over those years. Now this may take a week or two to put together, but I guarantee you you have done amazing things in your life that are well deserved of strong confidence. Having a good sense of confidence you can do this. Believing in yourself is very important in being nice to you.

Speaker 1:

You, too many of us, too many of us professional helpers, choose to suffer in silence instead of doing these things that I've talked about Checking your self-talk, checking your money story and Creating a sense of being supported, allowing for discomfort without judgment and being ugly to yourself about it, finding that narrative that's sabotaging your self-confidence. It's important that we don't just sit in silence as we suffer with this. We actively work to get past the burnout and the compassion, fatigue and vicarious trauma that leads us to believe that not being nice to ourself is the norm. That is not the norm, my friend. I'm here to tell you there's relief from the batshit crazy feeling that burnout creates. And if you can actively practice being nice to you, that's going to start you on this road to overcoming and recovering from all those occupational hazards that get in our way. And being nice to you helps you create that environment where you develop a life that you fall in love with and you want to hang out in. So be nice to you, okay.

Speaker 1:

So the activity I have for you on this podcast I call believing in you. I call believing in you. This underground mindset controls how you show up in your life, this self-confidence, this being nice to you, this belief in you. So I like to just draw three rectangles on a page. But you, and if you subscribe to my email list by going to juliemerrimanphdcom and hooking up with my self-care challenge, you'll get on my email list and I will email you this podcast and you'll have a PDF of this activity. I'm about to tell you Okay, so the activity is believing in you. I'm about to tell you Okay, so the activity is believing in you.

Speaker 1:

So the first thing I want you to ponder upon pontificate, if you will is to ask yourself do you believe in yourself? Do you truly believe in you? Do you truly believe that you're worth cooking a dinner for one for, truly believe that you're worth cooking a dinner for one for. Do you truly believe that you're worth getting yourself fixed up for, that you're worth stocking your cabinets with yummy, healthy, delicious foods, that you're worth speaking up and letting your thoughts be known? Do you believe in yourself? And I want you and I know that's a closed-ended question but once you pontificate on that, meditate on that the next place is to go why? Or why not? Why don't I believe in myself? Or why do I believe in myself? What are the things that I know to be true and I believe in myself about?

Speaker 1:

The next thing to ask yourself is what you can change to believe in yourself even more, and really y'all. This is throat chakra work, this is heart chakra work, and I would say even your solar plexus. I would have you do a full body scan and really see how those energy centers are responding to these particular questions. And then, if you don't believe in yourself or if you know I do, but maybe I could, I could get it a little bigger believe in myself a little more. But if you don't believe in yourself, who will? If you're not doing these things for yourself, which is key in self-care. Who will?

Speaker 1:

And I want you to explore the narrative under all of these answers what is your self-talk saying? What is that core belief that might be getting your way? How is it hanging you up? Really, take it a little deeper.

Speaker 1:

Once you have the answers to these questions, I want you to go back to I think is it episode one or two. It's where I talk to you about the superpower model. I want you to go back to that superpower model episode and listen to that, and then I want you to complete a superpower model on this, on these answers. And if you have a therapist or someone, a best friend, maybe a loved one, maybe you have a coach, take your work with that superpower model to them and continue to process. Really, get down to the nitty gritty of why am I not believing in myself, why am I not creating this really nice environment for me to live, and how can I reframe and shift this.

Speaker 1:

So, again, I have PDFs attached to the email I send out to my email list with this podcast. If you sign up to my email list, you're going to get the PDF for this activity. I'm also to drop a pdf for the superpower model into that email. Just go to wwwjuliemerrimanphdcom and sign up for the seven day self-care challenge and that gets you onto my email list. Okay, so y'all. We've talked about being nice to you and all the things that I believe go into it. There's there's more in the book, but that's what I've got for you today and I thank you so much for dropping by. Please subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen. Please leave a review. Helps me reach more people and I'll see you next week.