Soul Joy: Ditch Burnout and Fall in Love with Life
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She is a Therapist/Professor turned Author, Pod Caster, and Motivational Speaker.
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Soul Joy: Ditch Burnout and Fall in Love with Life
Your Amygdala Is Listening: What Are You Telling Yourself Today?
Your heart chakra holds the key to experiencing true soul joy. This week, we're continuing our exploration of the heart chakra by diving into the transformative practices of self-compassion and gratitude – two essential components of sustainable wellness care.
Did you know your amygdala – that little almond-shaped structure in your brain – is constantly listening to how you speak to yourself? When we practice harsh self-judgment, this "lizard brain" actually works to make those negative thoughts our reality. But there's a beautiful alternative. By speaking to ourselves with compassion and focusing on gratitude, we can rewire our neural pathways toward positivity and healing. This isn't just feel-good advice – it's backed by neuroscience!
Many of us grew up in environments where "gentle parenting" wasn't a concept yet, leaving us with schemas that make self-kindness feel unnatural or even wrong. I share my personal journey of transforming the harsh self-talk I inherited from my father's tough-love approach into a practice of genuine self-acceptance. The relief I see on my clients' faces when given "permission" to be kind to themselves speaks volumes about how desperately we need this shift.
Ready to practice? I offer several simple exercises to build your self-compassion muscles: keeping a gratitude journal, writing compassionate letters to yourself, practicing loving-kindness meditation, engaging in mindful walking, and consciously changing negative beliefs. These practices balance your heart chakra energy, allowing expansive love to flow – not just for others, but crucially, for yourself.
Subscribe to my podcast, visit juliemerrimanphd.com for weekly PDFs with exercises, and start experiencing the freedom that comes when you treat yourself with the same kindness you offer others.
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to SoulJoy. So this week we're still exploring the heart chakra. We're going to explore self-compassion and gratitude Because, my friend, these are two very necessary components of holistic, sustainable self-care, also known as wellness care. Also known as wellness. All right, thank you so much for hanging out with me for just a few minutes. I appreciate your time. So let's see, this week was kind of exciting.
Speaker 1:My beloved and I and a couple of our really good friends traveled over to Arlington and went to the ACDC concert. Old folks can have fun too. It was awesome. It really was a spectacular time. They packed the Dallas Cowboys Stadium. I mean, people from all walks were in there having a blast. So it was really a great experience and we had a good time. But y'all what I try to do especially after last year we had so many medical emergencies I try to plan a thrill a month for us, excuse me, as we are celebrating being alive. Right, it's a great thing. Okay, professional professional helpers.
Speaker 1:This podcast is dedicated to preventing and overcoming the occupational hazards of the career that we've chosen, and those hazards would be burnout, compassion, fatigue and vicarious trauma. But please know this podcast is for everyone. So share, share and share, alrighty. Last week we talked about holding space and self-acceptance. We're working on that heart chakra and this week we're going to explore gratitude and self-compassion, because y'all those constructs pave the way for us being able to hold space and practice full self-acceptance. It's all about trying to balance our heart, our heart chakra, and that energy in our heart chakra. I mean it's an important one, right there in the middle of our chest. I mean, I don't know about you, but a lot of things that happened to me throughout the day hit me right in my chest. So I think that's a really important chakra for us to balance that energy and just, you know, just get to know, because we're energy beings. That's why I always bring a chakra into what we're talking about, because we're energy beings. That's why I always bring a chakra into what we're talking about. We are energy beings, so it's important to know how energies are impacting our energies and how that helps us or impacts us in experiencing our life. So when we walk through practicing harsh judgment back to the heart chakra, this harsh judgment, you you know, if we're not self-compassionate, if we're not self-accepting and we're not able to hold that space for ourself, we're going to find ourself in a place of harsh judgment and if we do this it can demotivate us, to say the very least. This kind of energy blocks us and we really need to be able to appreciate ourself and be kind to ourself. So getting demotivated, being harsh with ourself is not being productive and you know I really want to bump it into a bit of neuroscience, if you will. You know I really want to bump it into a bit of neuroscience, if you will.
Speaker 1:Our amygdala, that little almond-shaped structure in our brain, also known as the lizard brain, the freeze fight, flight part of our brain y'all. It listens to all the harsh judgments that we're sending our way throughout the day, even when we're sending it out to others, because that energy still washes through us. The amygdala is taking notice of our thoughts and this amygdala will set about trying to make these thoughts a reality. So it's really important that we listen to our linguistics and we really catch our thoughts throughout the day, because we've got a part of our brain trying who's listening? I mean I. Well, it's listening and, yeah, studying about trying to make a reality. I find it's very helpful, if I'm spiraling, to kind of pat my face and go Julie, julie, sweetness, julie, you've done the best you can. And I find when I say my name, my amygdala takes notice and kind of sits dump and a whole different reality takes place, as opposed to me saying what a dumbass I've been right. So it's really important how we're talking to ourself, but I would ask you to imagine this a balanced heart chakra, a really strong and resilient heart chakra, one that's full of gratitude and compassion, something less so, let's say that something less than pleasant happens. In lieu of creating the drama I just described, you choose to be nice to yourself and you say those self-soothing things, as I said, patting my face and telling myself I've done the best I can and this will help offer hope. And your amygdala hears this and sets about making this your reality so much more pleasant, rides through that heart chakra so much more pleasant, which rides through that heart shocker so much more pleasant. Which scenario do you suppose feels better? The one where you're beating the hell out of yourself or the one where you're being compassionate? Gratitude is scientifically proven to rewire our brains and help us be more mindful and happy. Self-compassion y'all is on that very same bus.
Speaker 1:When I introduce the idea of self-compassion to my clients. I'll tell you I get some. Really it's just precious. I get looks of relief on their faces, on their faces. I think we may have lots of old schema from childhood that haunts us, especially those of us over 40, when that gentle parenting wasn't even heard of. But the schema can prevent us from believing it is good and called for to be compassionate towards self. So I would say sometimes that relief I see on my clients' faces when I talk about self-compassion and being nice to yourself and gratitude, I think that relief is almost. They hear that they have permission to be nice to themselves. So everyone, take a deep breath. I'm giving you complete permission, not that you need deep breath, I'm giving you complete permission, not that you need it, but I'm giving you complete permission to be kind to yourself.
Speaker 1:You know, and I'm one of those, certainly over 40, and my parents were precious, but gentle parenting was, I mean, it wasn't even heard of in the sixties. And my daddy and y'all, my daddy, hung the moon for me. I love him but he was tough on us and, don't get me wrong, I thank him for all the amazing lessons that he taught us through through our lives. I really thank him for this, this especially y'all and my dogs are just raising pain out there. But here we go.
Speaker 1:When so when I'd get in trouble at school and I tried to blame the teacher for what was going on, daddy wasn't having it. He would look at me and say enough of that crap. What did you do to make the teacher respond that way? And I thank him for that, because I learned responsibility for my actions, maybe the hard way, but but still, you know I didn't. I didn't learn that I get to blame others. I had to take responsibility and I I think that's a gift he gave me. But my dear daddy would also say things that I took to heart and y'all. It took my therapist a hot minute to help me unwrap and work through some of this stuff.
Speaker 1:But when I would screw up as a kid and believe me, it happened lots Daddy would tell me Julie, you're the world's worst dot dot dot, whatever I'd done, and it really. You know, after a time I took that to heart and it really took a chunk out of my ability to even have self-compassion. Of course, back then I had no idea what that was, but but I knew. I mean I had the self-talk and things I was saying to myself. But you know, let's be honest, I didn't know exactly what was happening. But I do know. I internalized the language that I was hearing and so in later in life, when I thought I'd screwed something up, I would tell myself the same thing Julie, you're the world's most stupid person. You're the world's biggest fuck up. You're the blah, blah, blah. I mean, you get the picture. Whatever I'd done, that language my daddy had used towards me I just adopted. Was that self-compassion sprinkled with gratitude? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:I'm really proud today to say when I screw something up and I expect to screw something up we're going to. I mean, my bar has lowered. I'm proud to say my bar has lowered. I'm not anywhere near as mean to myself as I was when I was younger. I've accepted that I'm human as I was when I was younger. I've accepted that I'm human. Now, don't get me wrong, I give it my all, but I miss the market times and I still love on myself and congratulate myself for showing up for myself and trying right. I mean, at least showing up for yourself is a big deal, and I don't mean getting a trophy, I mean getting up out of bed, getting dressed, tackling a project that maybe you're not looking forward to, but you tackle it, you give it your best. Maybe you miss the mark, but by gumballs you got close to it. When I approach life from this angle, I feel so much happier in my skin. I can easily find gratitude Easily.
Speaker 1:I mean, I just wrote a self-study for our department. I'm a professor at a university and I'm trying to get the department K-CREP accredited and you counseling people know what that means. It's the gold standard for counseling departments to be accredited by. And I'm telling you, it's a pain in the ass to write this thing. It's almost 5,000 pages long at this moment. I'm about to turn it in next week. I promise there'll be some errors. I took it through a consultant. I made some, I made the edits, but I'm not going to beat myself up. I I've worked six months on this thing. I gave it my all. And if it misses the mark in a few places six months on this thing, I gave it my all, and if it misses the mark in a few places, that's fine. At least I know where we're at and I can fix that and move on.
Speaker 1:I think we get hung up on perfectionism before we go through this process of holding space and self-compassion and gratitude. But I just invite you to put perfectionism in a casket and bury it and come into the world of trying to hit that mark the best you can Again. When I approach life from this angle, I just feel happier in my skin. So let's see my beloved and I my sweet Kelly and I have been together for 35 years. I'm thinking about gratitude and y'all. I'm grateful for this man every day. Do we get on each other's nerves at times, of course. At times, of course, but I think both of us practice more gratitude for being in love like we are 35 years later. Then we get hung up on the annoying pieces. I'm grateful for our amazing relationship every day.
Speaker 1:If I could not tap into my self-compassion and gratitude, I think it would impact our relationship. Being able to balance the energy in my heart chakra allows my heart to swell for my beloved and my kiddos and I love my kiddos tremendously. They bring so much joy to my heart. But that's because my heart energy, chakra energy is balanced and I'm able to feel expansive energy and bring that in. And that's all done through practicing self-compassion and gratitude. Again, the point here is that we've got to do the work to balance our heart chakras so we can get to the point of experiencing soul joy. To the point of experiencing soul joy, self-compassion and gratitude are simple tools. They really are. They're simple tools to use and it's really worth the time and effort it is so I've created a really groovy activity for y'all.
Speaker 1:But before we get there, I want to invite you to Hop over to my website, juliemerrimanphdcom. Subscribe to my email list so I can send you my weekly email with this podcast and the PDF that I create so you can get even more out of these activities. All right, so exercises for self-compassion. So here are some simple exercises you can do by yourself. Let's say 30 minutes. I would say less. Who has? If you're like me, 30 minutes sounds like a lot, although it's really not, because I try to do that and exercise every day. But you know, I'm inviting you to put yourself down in your calendar each day to try these. It's going to help you gain a more positive view of yourself and feel better. And keep in mind, all these exercises can be modified as you see fit, but try doing one or two of these this week and see if you can begin to view yourself with more kindness.
Speaker 1:Okay, so first we've been talking about gratitude. I want you to practice gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal. You all have heard it, but are you doing it? Keep a gratitude journal. It's a great way to start or end your day and science has backed it up. It will increase your optimism. But you've got to do it regular. So go find a notebook, set aside a few minutes at night or in the morning and write down a list of a minimum of three things you're grateful for. It doesn't have to be a long list, just a sentence, just a word, just so you know what it means. They also don't have to be huge topics. Y'all you can be grateful for your hair looking fine today, for a job well done at work, for friends dropping by, for a TV show you really enjoyed watching. What about 1923? I don't know if any of y'all are watching that. Oh, the ending. I digress, okay. Also, we're not aiming for perfect here, right? I just said let's put perfectionism away. If you miss a day or two, ain't no thing. Just pick it back up when you think about it, start it, stay with it. You'll notice a difference. Okay, so that's gratitude.
Speaker 1:Be your friend too often and I've talked about it the last two weeks we send negative messages to ourselves and that's not helpful. When we give ourselves those negative messages, we're practicing that negative self-talk that I said our amygdala listens to. One way of dealing with this is to write down our negative thoughts and then imagine a good friend responding to you with support and compassion. So imagine your best friend said that about herself or his self. What would you say back?
Speaker 1:You can also use anyone who represents kindness towards you, even a spiritual figure, even a spiritual figure, so you might write down I screwed up things at work. I always do this. To which the spiritual figure replies Okay, sweetness, you had a difficult time at work, but it's just one day. Things were crazy in the office, no wonder it was tough. Or I can't do anything right. To which this figure replies You're a good husband, good husband, a good father, and sometimes things are difficult, it's okay. You see the difference in that you just feel the energy, how that lands differently.
Speaker 1:Another variation you could practice is to write a letter to yourself. I have my clients do this a lot. We're, you're having a hard time. Do this as though you're your best friend, writing to you the power of shining supportive light on your suffering cannot be overestimated. So take the time to do that for you. But wait, there's more Talk. With compassion we can bring, we can begin to shift our lens from criticism of self and others to an attitude of peace and understanding through these short exercises.
Speaker 1:Now, these are called loving-kindness exercises. The idea is that you repeat several positive phrases about yourself and others, and there's several ways to do this, but one version that might work for you is for you to find a quiet spot and think about some of the things that are troubling about yourself and say some sentences that offer hope or relief, and repeat these sentences, you know, several times a day, if you can. So here's an example of what I'm talking about, and I just invite you to find one that might fit you best. May I be compassionate towards myself, may I live a life of joy, may I accept myself, may I be patient, may I forgive myself, may I be at peace.
Speaker 1:Now, if you want, you can do it for someone you like or even a person you dislike, but finally say it in the third person, such as so, before you get to saying it for a person you dislike, I mean, there's a lot of energy for that. When we have some hardness towards another person, that energy runs through us and impacts our own energy system. So say you have a person you dislike named John, may John live a life of joy? You know, instead of wishing John a bunch of crap, wishing him good things, you're going to notice a change in your own energy there. But also using that third person, like I told you earlier, your amygdala is listening for your name. So if you say julie, I hope you live a good life, your amygdala is going to take notice and go to work on that. So there's some power in using your own name in these, in these statements.
Speaker 1:All right, just a couple more walking. Um, again, it's not rocket science. Taking a walk 30 minutes a day, 10 minutes a day, just getting out of nature. It's peaceful, you can focus on some appreciations. You can do that walking meditation, as I mentioned a couple of episodes back that I do when I'm kind of wound up and saying things like I'm healthy, I'm working on self-compassion, I'm happy in these beautiful woods, whatever it might be, you can match your stride. So it becomes easier to do so. Matching your stride as you're thinking these thoughts, I step am step, healthy step. That's kind of working into that walking meditation.
Speaker 1:This exercise accomplishes three things it gives you exercise, it gets you outside and it's going to help install positive thoughts as you move your body. I'm very somatic in my therapy. I think we're talking heads and can sit on our ass and say a lot of things, but when you get up and move kinesthetically, I think we embody the change better. So this walking can be very powerful for you as you're working on gratitude and self-compassion and then changing beliefs. It's a simple exercise you can do on your own anywhere, anytime.
Speaker 1:The aim is to be able to acknowledge your negative beliefs. Can't deny them, need to see them while focusing on more compassionate ones. So repeating phrases to yourself like even though I'm anxious, I'm working on being calmer. Even though I'm unhappy with myself, I accept myself. Even though I'm not a great student, worker, boss, whatever it might be, I am a good boss who is becoming better. And then finally and I won't say a lot about this and then finally, and I won't say a lot about this, but meditation is very powerful and finding YouTube has great ones. There's all kinds of apps. I talk about meditation a lot, but don't forget or negate the power of medication. All right, that's it for today. Subscribe to my podcast, leave me a review and, until next time, take care of you.