Soul Joy: Ditch Burnout and Fall in Love with Life

Embracing Your Flaws: The Power of Being Perfectly Imperfect

• Dr. Julie Merriman • Season 2 • Episode 9

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The crushing weight of perfectionism affects so many of us, subtly draining our energy while convincing us that we're never quite good enough. Perfectionism doesn't just rob us of joy—it's a direct pathway to burnout, compassion fatigue, and a disconnection from our authentic selves.

Drawing from both clinical expertise and personal experience, Dr. Julie Merriman explores how perfectionism infiltrates our lives, whether through academic pressure, professional expectations, or harsh self-criticism about our appearance and abilities. She shares how her own journey involved moving past the need for straight A's during her PhD program, learning to launch projects before they felt "ready," and discovering that her wrinkles and gray hairs represent treasured life experiences rather than flaws to conceal.

The heart chakra—our center of self-love and compassion—becomes blocked when we obsess over perfection, creating a ripple effect of disconnection throughout our entire being. Through practical exercises like identifying the positive aspects of our perceived flaws, consciously reframing negative self-talk, and practicing physical self-soothing techniques that release oxytocin, listeners gain concrete tools to embrace their "perfectly imperfect" nature. The goal isn't lowering standards but rather finding freedom in authenticity—trying your best while accepting whatever outcome emerges. Wonder what might happen if you stopped comparing yourself to others and started celebrating your unique journey instead? Your perfectly imperfect self isn't waiting to be fixed—it's waiting to be embraced.

Speaker 1:

Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to SoulJoy. So this week we're still talking about the heart chakra, but today we're going to be chatting about imperfection Because, my friend, this is a very necessary component of holistic, sustainable self-care, also known as wellness. All right, hey you, how is it going? I hope you've been having a good week. Man, these weeks are flying by. I mean flying by, um. So I appreciate you dropping by and spending a hot minute with me on this podcast. I I try to make them short and sweet, but I hope I'm packing some stuff in here that y'all find helpful. So this week and I okay.

Speaker 1:

So my hubby, my beloved, my amazing husband, got me a battery operated electric, I guess chainsaw and blower for Christmas, and at first I thought, oh great, but I have fallen in love with these two things. I blow off my porch because we have three dogs, and I blow off my porch almost daily. And then I have been going out on the weekend, y'all. I'm getting out into the sunshine spending time with nature and my doggies. They go down into the pasture with me, and I've been chainsawing cedars and clipping them too. I have some loppers that I clip them off too, and I just I find so much joy in getting out and doing that in the pasture. Plus, I love to look back and see how nice it looks to see those cedars gone, because they get up under the oak trees where the birds sit and it just it messes up the view of the pasture. So, anyway, that's what I did this weekend. I had the best time. The weather has really been fun here in Texas lately. So, okay, professional helpers, this podcast is dedicated to preventing and overcoming the occupational hazards of this amazing career that we've chosen, and these components, or these hazards, are specifically burnout, compassion, fatigue and vicarious trauma. But, my friend, if you're not a professional helper, this podcast is for you too. All of us can become impacted by these constructs, so welcome aboard.

Speaker 1:

So the topic today is perfectly imperfect, and I think there's a pretty cool country song I saw. Oh man, when was that? Maybe 10, 12 years ago. That song was pretty popular where people were using that song at their weddings and stuff. You know, perfectly imperfect love. I mean, that's who. We are right, we're imperfect. There's only one perfect person and he's no longer with us. He's with a father up and above.

Speaker 1:

But anyway, perfectly imperfect and yes, I am perfectly imperfect and, yes, you are perfectly imperfect and I invite you to embrace all your imperfections. This, my friend, our imperfections, are what make us unique and well, that's what makes us us Think how boring it would be if we were all the same kind of perfect. If you will, and you know perfect and I'll talk about this again in a moment but perfect can be your looks, or perfect can be what you expect out of yourself. And I just invite you, especially those of us, such as myself, who are in our 60s, to remember that we are so much more than our looks looks when you see those airbrushed folks on Instagram or Facebook or magazines or whatever. Just know that we are so much more than the package that we arrive in.

Speaker 1:

Many of us struggle with people-pleasing tendencies and or are way too hard on ourselves and y'all. It's okay to make a B, okay. I mean, when I was a grad student, I really struggled with that and then, as I moved on into my PhD and I was working full-time and raising a family and doing all these other things, I learned to embrace my Bs. I didn't have to have a straight A any longer. It's okay to be less than perfect and I'll tell you, even my students today, straight A students don't always that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for students who can show me the skills and show me what they've learned. And a straight A doesn't always represent that. And I just spend a moment there because you know that A represents that perfect grade. I'd far rather see a strong B student with really sound counseling skills than a straight A student who is just beating themselves up trying with anxiety and just unhappiness trying to maintain that A. It's okay to be less than perfect.

Speaker 1:

The energy we spend on trying to impress and be perfect is exhausting and really a waste of time. And I don't know, it's always about impressing others. I think at some point and it could be old schema tied back to our childhood, where we received love and praise if we did something really good and then that seeps into our psyche that we've got to be perfect or we're not lovable and maybe we'll get abandoned. I mean you know that spiral thinking of those old schema could come in. Or you only got attention if you did something amazing. So you really seek out that. You know again, it could be tied to lots of things.

Speaker 1:

I know I used to be really hard on myself. I never allowed myself to feel good about an accomplishment, and you know it. And I could have accomplished blank, fill in the blank and I would be like, okay, yeah, but you know, I just never could accept that I'd done something that was worth accolades. Or maybe, if I received compliments, I'd squirm, not believing that my imperfect self was worthy of the compliment. And I noticed that with my clients in my counseling room I can, or just maybe not even my counseling room. I'm just out and about, I give someone a compliment and I just feel where they squirm and they're not really able to accept it. Have you all ever experienced that yourself? I think that's part of that perfectionism sneaking in and not allowing us to feel how good that compliment might feel or to believe we might be worthy.

Speaker 1:

When you're functioning in a state of burnout, believe me, it is easy to slip into perfectionism. Maybe really y'all when I say that maybe it's the chicken and egg thing Burnout causes that perfectionistic thing to kick up. Or maybe that perfectionistic thing causes the burnout to come up. But whatever it might be, it's a state of mind that is not healthy. We're striving for something that is not possible. Striving for perfectionism can only lead to unhappiness. When we can celebrate and embrace our perfectly imperfectness, that y'all, that is the sweet spot. I mean you try but you accept the outcome of whatever it may be. By that I mean you've got a goal and you try to do your best, right? I mean we don't approach stuff half-assed. We want to try our best but we might miss the mark and you're able to accept that outcome and still feel good about yourself and feel good about what the effort you put in.

Speaker 1:

This could be, I don't know, completing a project that maybe didn't hit the mark. You were hoping, like I just wrote a huge self-study, uh, for the counseling department that I work for, um, I think I've mentioned this for the k-crip self-study, um, or maybe even back when I first launched my website, I knew it wasn't going to be perfect. I mean we will. We will get caught up in this. Oh, I can't do it yet because it's not good enough, and then you never get the darn thing done. Sometimes you just need to put it out there and then you can make, you can make tweaks on it as you go, but get the darn thing out there. I would still be writing on that stupid self. It's not stupid. I would still be writing on that self-study had I not just said F it. I'm going to get this done and I'll make whatever corrections I need to make when I hear back from K-Crip, because no matter what I did, I promised they're going to find something. So I might as well get it out there and get the process of accreditation going.

Speaker 1:

Same thing with my first website. I tortured myself for months oh, I can't get that out there that, oh, that'd be embarrassing. Oh, look at that. Oh, oh, that's a terrible picture. Oh, that sentence isn't correct. Oh, that didn't make sense. I mean, I just you can tear it apart. The best thing to do, y'all put the darn thing out there and then go back and look at it, get feedback. But at least it's out there, it's done, and then you can start making the improvements you see that need to be made, instead of getting caught up in perfectionism and getting locked up and not getting anything done.

Speaker 1:

So this perfectionism can come in a project, as I just mentioned, or it could come where you have to accept that that new wrinkle on your face is something you're going to have to learn to love, because that face is you and you've earned every crepe and wrinkle on there, or gray hair. That's a treasure from God that we've made in another year. We've survived a lot of stuff. Or, as I said earlier, you accept the bee and you learn to love it. Or you decorate for the party and stand back and find joy in the effort. Maybe it's not exactly what you had envisioned, but you find joy in how fun it was putting it together. This is a matter of looking at life through different eyes, eyes that are kinder and more loving. Learning to accept and appreciate being perfectly imperfect is the goal. Y'all, that is the journey. It's a very empowering place to live.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so, before we go to the activity, I just want to invite you to subscribe to my email list to get the weekly podcast email that includes this bonus PDF I do for you each week. All you've got to do is hop over to my website, hop onto my email list and I will get you hooked up. My website is wwwjuliemerrimanphdcom. Okay so, the activity for today. Okay so, the activity for today or, surprisingly, I call perfectly imperfect, accepting to be imperfect can be an ongoing process, but here's some simplified activities to get you started. Okay so, again, I have created a PDF of this for you. If you sign up for my email list, I'll get it to you.

Speaker 1:

But first you want to identify your flaws. Yes, my friends, we all have plenty of flaws and we usually beat ourselves up about them. But I want you to write down things you often self-criticize about. This could be anything from being a worrier to being too sensitive, to not being good at something. Okay. So first you identify your flaws and then, second, I want you to find the positive side of that flaw. So for each flaw, you identify a positive attribute or a way that this flaw can be a strength. So let's say you think you're a worrier. You could flip that. You could reframe that by saying that worry can also make you a good problem solver or make you prepared for unexpected challenges. You see that difference. There's just a different energy there.

Speaker 1:

The next thing I want you to practice doing is reframing your perspective. Now we're talking about our heart chakra. Still, we're still in our heart chakra. That's your chest. The color is green. As you're going through this activity, I want you to envision the energy in your heart chakra, see what makes it heavier, what makes it more expansive, what makes it jittery. What makes it calmer? It might require you to do a full body scan or just a scan where you're focusing on that heart chakra, but all of these activities are meant to help you balance that heart chakra. So the next thing I want you to do is reframe your perspective Once you've identified the positive side. This is that new eyes I was talking about to look at your life through refreshed eyes. Once you've identified the positive side, challenge the initial negative label Instead of thinking I'm too anxious. Try. I'm a thoughtful person who cares deeply and often thinks ahead. I mean, you bring a whole different energy to that heart chakra.

Speaker 1:

Next, I want you to practice self-compassion. I spent a whole podcast on this. I forget which one it is. Oh, it's podcast last week, podcast number eight. Go back and listen to that if you haven't already heard that. But when you find yourself criticizing yourself, consciously pause and try to see your flaw with more understanding and kindness.

Speaker 1:

Understanding and kindness Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and it's okay not to be perfect. Sometimes I will even pat my face, or maybe you could rub your hand as I'm saying that to myself. It releases oxytocin, which is that love, the love hormone, and that's going to help you feel more grounded and peaceful as well. Other things to do is to focus on the flow state instead of striving for perfection. Focus on the joy and satisfaction of being in the moment while pursuing something. Challenge your negative self. Talk next week I think it's next week or maybe it's in two weeks the whole podcast is going to be about negative self-talk. But when you're challenging your negative self-talk, I want you to be mindful of how you talk to yourself and actively challenge those negative thoughts. And again, more self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you offer a friend and y'all.

Speaker 1:

Quit comparing yourself to others. That is such a horrendous waste of time and energy and all you're going to do is make yourself feel bad. As I said at the beginning of the podcast, you are uniquely you. There is no other you in this world. Quit comparing yourself to others. Remember everyone has their own unique journey and there's no single definition of perfect ever and ever. And if you find yourself really struggling with perfectionism, I highly encourage you to seek out professional help. I see my counselor on a regular basis. I think all good counselors should keep themselves in counseling. This is nothing. There's no shame in this game, but if you find yourself really struggling, go find a good counselor. Get some quality of life working for you. It's a good thing. Okay, that let's see. That's it for today. I invite you to subscribe to my podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave me a review to help me reach more people and, until next time, take care of you.