Soul Joy: Ditch Burnout and Fall in Love with Life
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Soul Joy: Ditch Burnout and Fall in Love with Life
Your Inner Voice Matters: Why Self-Communication Shapes Your External Boundaries
Your inner voice shapes your outer boundaries—but what happens when they're out of alignment? This essential exploration of boundaries delves beyond the surface level of simply saying "no" to others and into the profound connection between your throat chakra, self-communication, and external expression.
For helping professionals and anyone struggling with burnout, these three interconnected pillars create the foundation for sustainable self-care. The throat chakra—your center for authenticity and expression—governs how you communicate with yourself and others. When balanced, you speak your truth confidently; when blocked, that familiar lump in your throat signals deeper boundary issues waiting to be addressed.
We examine how your inner critic ("You're selfish if you say no") battles your inner advocate ("My well-being matters"), and how this internal dialogue directly influences your ability to set external boundaries. Your body provides constant feedback through physical sensations—tension, discomfort, and that telltale tightness in your throat—serving as early warning systems that boundaries need attention.
Moving from internal awareness to external expression, you'll discover how to transform apologetic, hesitant boundary-setting into clear, respectful communication. Practical techniques include mindful self-check-ins, challenging negative self-talk, vocal exercises that physically open the throat chakra, and rehearsing difficult conversations before having them. The "Echo of Truth" framework guides you through integrating these practices into daily life, ensuring your inner and outer voices align.
Remember that establishing healthy boundaries isn't about being rigid or uncaring—it's about deeply caring for yourself so you can sustainably care for others. Download the companion PDF guide by joining the email list at juliemerrimanphd.com, and begin transforming your relationship with boundaries today.
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Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to Soul Joy. Today we're expanding on a crucial theme boundaries. We're going deep to explore how healthy boundaries aren't just about what we say to others, but, y'all, it's about how we communicate with ourselves and how all this is intertwined with the throat chakra, because this is a very necessary component of holistic, sustainable self-care, also known as wellness. All right, hey, hey, hey, welcome. I appreciate you taking a little bit of time to hang out with me for just a hot minute. So let's start with what I like to start with my home chat. It is a busy day here at the Merrimans. I've got a bulldozer out in the front yard. I've got workmen on the other side of this wall in my master bathroom finishing up a remodel. There may be a little noise, but I chose to rock on because I got to get this recorded.
Speaker 1:We just got back from our second honeymoon after we renewed our vows after 30 years of, I'm going to say, blissful. There's been some rocks and roads, some rocky times If you read my book, I'm very honest about that but it never ever impacted how much we love each other and how we feel about each other. So we did a quick vow renewal at the church we got married in. I even was able to slip back into my original wedding dress. Kelly was in his tux. He looked so handsome in Blakers. Cliffy wasn't able to get home to make it, but Blakers was in a tux as well, because when we married the boys stood up with us. So, anyway, that was fun. And then we popped over to Orange Beach, alabama. Let me just give a shout out If you've never been, it's gorgeous and it's been a week sitting on the beach watching the waves. Good times, good times.
Speaker 1:Okay, professional helpers, this podcast is dedicated to preventing and overcoming the occupational hazards of the career. We chose specifically burnout and compassion, fatigue, and not to forget vicarious trauma. As professional helpers, or really anyone, I always say this podcast is for anyone who is alive, because you have. If you're alive, you could be impacted by burnout, compassion, fatigue and or vicarious trauma. But as helping professionals, our lives are a constant dance between giving and receiving. We're called to empathize, we are called to listen, problem solve and often we absorb the emotional landscapes of those we serve.
Speaker 1:Without robust boundaries, it's easy to lose our own sense of self, to become depleted and ultimately y'all less effective. So let's break this down into three interconnected pillars that I've come up with. I mean, I've come up with them, but I promise it's not an original thought. Others have come up with this as well, but here's the pillars I've broken these down into. We've got healthy boundaries, we've got self-communication and we have communication with others. Now, in my book Soul Joy, I do go into this, if you want more, but today in the podcast, I'm going to talk about how all three of these pillars are filtered through the lens of our throat chakra.
Speaker 1:First, let's anchor ourselves back to the throat chakra. Y'all and I've been on this topic for several weeks now but this is located in your throat. This is your center for authenticity, expression and truth. When it's balanced, your communication flows, you feel heard and you can articulate your needs and values with clarity. Y'all. You just feel comfy in your skin. But when it's out of sync, you might experience difficulty speaking up. Maybe you feel stifled or even some physical symptoms in your throat or neck. You want to think of this as the volume knob for your internal and external voice. Okay, so let's talk about this first pillar Healthy boundaries.
Speaker 1:We often think of boundaries as external lines we draw, and they are. My office hours are X to Y. That's a boundary. I cannot take on that extra case right now. That's a boundary. These are crucial for protecting your time, energy and scope of practice. But boundaries are also internal. They're about knowing your limits, understanding your emotional capacity and recognizing when you're approaching burnout before it happens. This leads us directly into the second pillar, self-communication. This is the internal dialogue, the stories that we tell ourselves, the thoughts we entertain For helping professionals, really for any human, this internal narrative plays a monumental role in boundary setting. I know, as a professor, I spend a hot minute. Well, every class I teach I talk about boundaries. It's very important for young professionals in the helping professions to really get those boundaries straight. But again, for any human, I can't tell you the number of clients I've worked with that we've spent time learning to set boundaries and understanding why they're important.
Speaker 1:Okay, so next we're going to move to the inner critic versus the inner advocate. So this is part of that inner internal dialogue. That internal dialogue that's, you know, that's our self-communication. And of course, freud, I mean. We can talk about all kinds of theories that encompass this, but we've got an inner critic and we've got an inner advocate. So this is they're kind of at. Maybe that's a conflictual thing even for some of us.
Speaker 1:But how often do you hear an inner voice saying you should do more, you're not good enough, inner voice saying you should do more. You're not good enough if you say no, or oh well, yeah, you're not good enough if you say no, or they'll think you're selfish if you say no. I mean all these little things run through our heads. These are self-communication patterns that can undermine your ability to set boundaries. A balanced throat chakra helps you to challenge these narratives and cultivate an inner advocate, a voice that says my well-being matters, it's okay to prioritize myself, I am enough as I am. So I mean, see the value in getting that throat chakra balanced. Do you see the difference between the critic and that advocate? How much better it would feel when that throat chakra is balanced and you're able to say you know I matter and it's okay that I set boundaries.
Speaker 1:Next, you want to listen to your body. As we're talking about self-communication, your body is constantly communicating with you. A nod in your stomach when a certain request comes in, tension in your shoulders before a difficult conversation, a tight throat when you want to speak but hold back. These are all forms of self-communication. These are all forms of self-communication. An open throat chakra encourages you to truly listen to these signals, recognizing them as early warning signs that a boundary might need to be established or reinforced, that your body will tell you when your boundaries are too penetratable. Porous yeah, porous is a better word and if a boundary is being pushed, infringed upon, listen to your body. I invite you to do one of those full body scans I've got. If you go back to season one, I've got quite a few guided body scans in the podcast. I think that when we can get embodied and really feel what's going on in our body, it gives us all kinds of signals and we need to listen.
Speaker 1:The other type of self-communication is affirming your worth. This involves affirming your value when you truly believe you're worthy of respect, rest and healthy limits. Setting boundaries become less about fear and more about self-preservation. So think about how many times you've said yes to someone else out loud, but inside, your self-communication was a desperate no. That dissonance y'all is taxing and it's a weakness your throat chakras well, and it weakens your throat chakra Well, and it weakens your throat chakra. It weakens your throat chakra's ability to express your authentic truth externally, because you're working against yourself. This brings us to our third pillar. Okay, this brings us to our third pillar. Um, so there's three pillars and the third pillar is a very important one, and I'm sorry, the bulldozer kind of got me off track there, but I'm back, I'm back. This brings us to our third pillar communication with others.
Speaker 1:Once you've established healthy internal boundaries through self-communication, vocalizing them to others becomes the next, often most challenging, step, and this is where the throat chakra truly shines, or y'all, it truly struggles. So in this, you want to practice clarity and directness. An empowered throat chakra is going to allow you to articulate your boundaries clearly and directly, without excessive apology or justification. Instead of I'm so sorry I probably shouldn't, but I guess I can squeeze it in it becomes hey, I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I'm unable to take on that task at this time. Do you see the difference? In that?
Speaker 1:Then, authenticity over people pleasing and this is a big one, people pleasing when your throat chakra is balanced, you communicate from a place of authenticity, not a desire to people please. You speak your truth, even when it might be uncomfortable, because you know it's essential for your integrity and well-being. I mean, I will do and I have done a whole podcast over people-pleasing, because that really is one that robs us of not only our throat chakra being balanced, but so many chakras, so much of our energy is turned upside down when we people please, and this is often rooted in something really deep, like fear of abandonment, um, the feeling of we're not lovable, so we're gonna people please to prove we're lovable. I could go on and on. I believe in season one I did do a full podcast on this but do know, the more in touch you are with your authenticity, the more your need to people please vanishes.
Speaker 1:Next, in this pillar, you're looking at assertiveness, not aggression. Now I've done a whole podcast on communication styles, but let's review right quick. Healthy communication of boundaries is assertive, not aggressive. It's about expressing your needs and limits respectfully while expecting to be respected in return. This requires a calm, centered vocalization, which, y'all, it's hallmark of a healthy throat chakra.
Speaker 1:And the next piece of this pillar is the power of no we've talked about before. I've done a whole podcast on this and it bears repeating. The word no is a complete sentence, period. I don't want to hear if and but. Socially it's unacceptable. Blah, blah, blah, no is a complete sentence. And the more or the sooner you accept that and practice that, the more empowered you become. Learning to deliver it calmly and confidently is one of the most powerful ways to honor your boundaries and activate that throat chakra of yours.
Speaker 1:So how do we bring all of this together and cultivate stronger boundaries, self-communication and external communication? So we want stronger boundaries, pillar one Self-communication. Pillar two External communication. Pillar three how do we bring all this together and cultivate these things all through the lens of the throat chakra? Well, I've got some ideas for you and I've also created a PDF for you. But I'm willing. Activity with a PDF. But let's look at this. We've got mindful self check-ins throughout your day. I want you to pause and ask yourself what do I need right now? Am I feeling depleted? What is my body telling me? This is vital self communication, those body scans eminently helpful.
Speaker 1:Two you challenge your inner narrative when you hear that inner critic. When you hear that inner critic, I want you to gently but firmly challenge that critic. Gently but firmly challenge that critic. Reframe I should do more. Two I am doing enough. I'm doing all I can. I'm doing okay. Use affirmations like my voice is important or my boundaries are healthy and necessary.
Speaker 1:Throughout your day, when you're feeling that inner critic coming alive, vocal warm-ups and expression are important. You want to engage in practices that literally open your throat chakra. I've talked about this a lot as I've been working on this throat chakra. But remember, you can hum, sing, chant, simply make vocal sounds. This can be done privately, in your car, in the shower or even just humming a tune at your desk. Y'all this physically stimulates your throat chakra and that's a good thing to help get it balanced.
Speaker 1:Next, you want to rehearse difficult conversations. I've given you activities to do this. But, as a reminder, if you anticipate a boundary conversation, practice what you want to say out loud, even to yourself in the mirror, hearing your own voice. Articulate this boundary can build your confidence and help reduce anxiety. And let's just normalize and validate that Difficult conversations are not fun. I just have been meeting with a lot of my students in a class I'm doing and we're going one-on-one over their counseling skills and you know confrontation. For any of us it's not a fun thing, always rarely. So just give yourself a little love that difficult conversations might not be fun, but they're worth rehearsing and let me tell you they're worth having. They're absolutely worth having. Just because something is uncomfortable doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
Speaker 1:Okay, the next thing you want to remember is to start small. We're not going to try to overhaul all our boundaries all at once. We're going to pick one small area that you think improvement is needed. You desire improvement. Perhaps it's a minor commitment you can decline, or a small request you can postpone. Success in small steps builds momentum, and your confidence and your belief in yourself are in this process as well. Next, you want to seek support. Talk to a trusted colleague, supervisor, therapist about your boundary challenges.
Speaker 1:Vocalizing your struggles to someone else can be incredibly empowering and a great way to practice using your voice. Remember cultivating healthy boundaries, y'all. It's not about being rigid or uncaring. You've got to kick that thought to the curb. It's about being deeply caring. You've got to kick that thought to the curb. It's about being deeply caring, caring enough about yourself to sustain your capacity to care for others. When your boundaries are clear, your self-communication is supportive and your external communication is authentic. You create an echo of truth that resonates from within you and y'all. This strengthens your throat chakra and allows you to serve from a place of fullness, not depletion. Fullness, not completion. You're your best self. Your voice, both internal and external, is your greatest tool as a human and as a helping professional. Learn to hear its truth and then dare to speak it. Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:So I invite you to subscribe to my email list to get the weekly podcast emailed, which includes a bonus PDF that I create for you each week, and this PDF is of the activity I'm about to go over, but each week I have an activity, and thus the PDF us the PDF. All you got to do is hop on over to my website to get on my email list wwwjuliemerrimanphdcom. While you're there, check out my book Soul Joy. It's a 12-week guide for overcoming burnout and compassion fatigue, and maybe you are feeling you're ready for some therapy around this, and I have my calendar up on the website too. If you want to book an appointment, I'd love to work with you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the activity today is called the Echo of my Truth Integrated Boundary Practice. Called the Echo of my Truth Integrated Boundary Practice Y'all this activity is designed to help you integrate the concepts from this Soul Joy podcast. By engaging in self-reflection and practical communication exercises, you're going to strengthen your internal and external voice in setting boundaries. So we're going to walk through this. If you download the PDF I mean if you got to hook up on my email to get the PDF, but I've got everything all lined out but if you're driving, just take a quick listen. Maybe when you get home you replay this part of the website website, this part of the podcast, to really take yourself through this.
Speaker 1:But the first step in this is step one is to re-listen and prime your mind. I want you to find a comfortable space where you can focus without interruption and, as you pay it close, as you listen, pay close attention to the interplay between internal self-talk and external communication, the role of the throat chakra in both internal and external expression, and specific examples of unhelpful self-communication or external boundary challenges. In step two, my internal self-communication assessment, I want you to open, if you have the PDF, open the PDF. If not, just listen along. But part A of this step is identifying your inner voices. So step one really is just getting your mind ready for this next step.
Speaker 1:Step two your internal echo of self-communication you're going to assess. So, identifying inner voices, I want you to think about a recent situation where you struggled with a boundary, saying yes when you wanted to say no, maybe maybe feeling overwhelmed by a request, perhaps or even feeling unheard. What was your internal dialogue like during that situation? What thoughts or feelings arose when you considered setting a boundary? Could it be like I can't say no, they'll be mad at me. I'm not good enough If I didn't think about saying no. I've't say no, they'll be mad at me. I'm not good enough if I didn't think about saying no. I've got to prove myself.
Speaker 1:I want you to write down two or three prominent internal statements, or just think about them as you're driving. What would those internal statements be? And then, part B we're going to rebalance the echo. So for each unhelpful internal statement you identified, craft a more supportive and empowering self-communication counter statement. So the example here might be your inner critic says I can't say no, but your inner advocate we're going to reframe that says it is a healthy and necessary thing for me to set limits. Or perhaps the inner critic says they'll think I'm selfish if I say no. And the inner advocate reframes this by saying to yourself prioritizing my well-being allows me to serve more effectively. So write down two or three of these negative statements and then write down two or three counter statements that counter those negative statements. Maybe you know again. If you're driving, just think about it. Or when you get home, replay this. Okay, so that moves us to step three, my external voice communication practice. So part A of this is the challenging scenario.
Speaker 1:Choose one specific low-stakes scenario where you anticipate needing to set a boundary or communicate a need in the near future, like a colleague who frequently drops tasks on you last minute, maybe a client who calls after hours, or a family member, perhaps who makes demands. Briefly describe the scenario and the boundary you want to establish. I set a pretty good boundary on my phone with clients and here in the state of Texas the rules and regs of the LPC board say that I have to let them know what to do in case of an emergency. That's on my intake paperwork. It's on my voicemail on my cell phone, which is a boundary. That's just an example. Y'all. That's a boundary. Maybe you want to look at If you're answering the phone after hours. You really need to be setting a boundary around that. But briefly describe the scenario and hours. You really need to be setting a boundary around that. But briefly describe the scenario and the boundary you want to establish.
Speaker 1:Then part B you're crafting your message and vocalizing and the principles of clear communication from the podcast we just went through. Craft a concise message you would deliver, to set this boundary. You want to aim for directness. You want to aim for clarity. You want to be respectful and I want you to write this message down. Or, at the very least, if you're in a car, state it out loud, let your amygdala hear it. Say that out loud. Now for the vocalization part of the practice. You want to find a private space. If you're in a car, it's a great place.
Speaker 1:In option one, you could stand in front of the mirror and practice saying your message out loud, paying attention to your posture, your eye contact and the tone and volume of your voice. How does it feel in your throat? Option two you could record yourself on your phone saying the message, listening back. How does it sound? Is it clear, confident? What adjustments could you make? Or option three simply practice saying the message out loud several times, focusing on the feeling of the words and the activation of your throat chakra. Note down any observations or feelings during this practice. Maybe did you get a lump in your throat at first. Then it got easier. Maybe your voice sounded stronger than you thought it would. Maybe you need to slow down, maybe you're going through it too fast.
Speaker 1:And then step four throat chakra activation and integration. You want to turn to the throat chakra integration section of your PDF, if you've got that, if not, just listen along. Part A would be vocal flow. Spending two to three minutes engaging in a vocal exercise to open your throat chakra. This could be humming, chanting, singing a favorite song or simply making sustained ah sounds. Focus on the sensation in your throat and the free flow of the sound.
Speaker 1:Then part B is affirming your truth. Recite your chosen self-communication counter statements from step two and the boundary message you crafted in step three. Say them aloud several times, feeling that vibration in your throat, and then you conclude with the affirmation my inner and outer voice are in harmony. I speak my truth with clarity, courage and compassion. Okay, and then I really invite you to reflect and do a little journaling.
Speaker 1:What was the most impactful aspect of this activity for you and why? How did practicing the external boundary message out loud feel different from just thinking about it? What was one surprising insight you gained about your self-communication patterns? What's one small step you can commit to taking in the next week to further integrate these practices into your daily life. Okay, so there's a lot there. I really encourage you to sign up and get my email so you have these PDFs. But okay, y'all, that's it for today. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you so much for tuning in and for all the vital work you do. Until next time, listen to your inner truth, speak your needs and let your authentic voice guide you. Subscribe to my podcast wherever you listen, and please leave a review. It really helps me to reach others. And until next time, take care of you.